Chapter 12: Breathe Again
Mac glared down at her phone as she checked it for the umpteenth time, attempting to will it into making noise. It was Thursday and she hadn't heard from AJ since he left Trish and Frank's house on Monday morning.
Frank glanced at her from the driver's seat where he'd spent the majority of the last three days. "You should really try to get some sleep, Sarah. I promise if your phone rings we won't let you sleep through it," he told her gently.
"I'm fine," she replied automatically.
"You haven't slept in days aside from a catnap here and there. Your body needs actual sleep," Trish said from the backseat. "We're worried about you, dear."
Mac smiled weakly at her but couldn't bring herself to protest again. The days she'd spent with them had been some of the worst of her life, she couldn't think of a time when she had slept less or worried more. Yet in a strange way, they'd also been something of a godsend. She had gotten to know the two of them quite well through a near constant flow of random conversations; none of them were fans of silence at the moment. In the silence their minds could wander, and right now that inevitably led to contemplating what was happening to Harm. Avoiding that particular subject had led to discussions of everything from hobbies to childhood memories and Mac was starting to feel like she'd known them for years.
"When we stop for gas, why don't you switch seats with Trish? She can keep an eye open for tails and you can lay down, at least for an hour or two." Frank insisted.
Mac looked at the man for a moment before sighing and nodding. She couldn't even attempt to argue that she wasn't exhausted. She'd spent the three nights that they stayed in different hotel suites standing guard in case anyone had picked up on their trail. She doubted anyone had, they'd been exceptionally cautious in their movements, but she wasn't willing to take the risk of sleeping while Trish and Frank did.
She smiled at her not-quite-father-in-law; she'd greatly underestimated the man before all this had started. She'd thought he was a desk jockey who could handle his own in a board room but was out of his depth in the real world. The type who was formidable across a negotiating table, but who froze or blundered when confronted with any form of actual threat. She couldn't have been more mistaken about the man. He was an avid outdoorsman, granted a weekend warrior outdoorsman, but he had more experience and survival training than his clean-cut appearance hinted at. He also had a wonderfully shrewd mind and had done things to cover their tracks that she likely wouldn't have even thought of. Doubling up on gas stops in particular had impressed her.
The first time they'd stopped she'd been confused when he put only twenty-six gallons in the tank. She knew that the modified truck had a much larger tank than that. She hadn't said anything, wanting to get a feel for how his mind worked. After they got back on the road, he'd driven a few miles before stopping at a different gas station and putting another twenty-four gallons in. When they continued along he'd noticed her staring at him.
"Factory Durangos only have a twenty-seven-gallon tank. If I fill it in one stop, someone might take notice of it, and by extension, us," he'd told her without prompting. He'd smiled at her in a way that told her she hadn't done as good of a job of concealing her surprise as she'd hoped. "Harm's not the only one who reads a lot of spy novels and the like."
"You do know he reads them because of you, don't you?" Mac had asked. "He only started reading Clancy because he's your favorite author."
"I doubt that," Frank remarked.
"It's true. He told me once that he read a few Clancy books so that he would have something to connect with you about. He thought if you two could talk about books, it would be a way to at least try to improve his relationship with you. I know you don't believe it, but he does think of you as his father. He loves you, Frank, he's just not great at expressing it," Mac told him.
Frank had been silent for several minutes as he drove. Eventually he quietly replied, "Thank you, Sarah."
Mac smiled as she wondered if Frank recognized how much like him Harm actually was. For all his pilot's bravado, he had the same tendency as the man at her side to go silent while processing anything that caught him off guard emotionally. She wasn't sure Harm realized it either, but she made a mental note to point it out to both of them when they got Harm back. She kept telling herself that they were going to find him and she was certain clinging to that thought was all that was allowing her to hold it together.
Mac sighed now as she leaned back against the passenger seat. She thought about how long it had been since she'd had a decent night's sleep. If she were honest with herself, it had been before the afternoon she left his loft. The last week had been the worst. Aside from just after Clay had been to her apartment, she hadn't slept more than an hour or two at most, and whatever sleep she did get was invariably plagued by panic-stricken nightmares. It was catching up with her, she knew that Trish and Frank were right; she needed some actual sleep. She leaned her head back against the headrest and tried to quiet her thoughts.
Her mind was just as drained as her body was. She'd spent the last three days mentally going over every word from Harm's first sixteen letters, she still hadn't been able to bring herself to really read #17 and let the words sink in. She also analyzed everything AJ had said or done and even what that weasel Webb had said when he came to her apartment. She'd reached a mental roadblock and simply couldn't make sense of it anymore. She was sure that the CIA were the ones who were holding Harm, but she couldn't fathom a reason why. He was working for them, what could they gain by staging his disappearance and holding him? And why stage the plane crash and list him as MIA for that matter? They had to know that there were people in his life who would search for him wanting to know what had happened.
She felt the fog of sleep closing around her and decided not to fight it for once, allowing herself to drift into a restless, shallow slumber. The respite from consciousness was short lived.
When her phone rang, it startled her. She was disoriented for a moment and looked around for the source of the noise. She spotted her phone in the cup holder where she'd taken to standing it. She recognized the number on the display and reached for it.
"Hello?" she answered tensely. She was as eager to find out what AJ had been doing for three days as she was terrified in case things hadn't turned out well.
"Hey Mac," the voice that came through the speaker hit her like a truck.
"Harm?" she hadn't meant to whisper it, but her voice had completely abandoned her. She must still be sleeping and this was another dream. "Am I dreaming or is it really you?"
"It's me, Mac. I'm okay," he said in a voice that sounded almost as drained as she felt. Tears that seemed to have appeared from nowhere were streaming down her face, She was vaguely aware that Frank had pulled to the side of the road.
"No, he's not. He needs to get to a hospital," she heard AJ's voice in the background.
"Ignore him," Harm commented. "Is Mom with you?"
"Yeah," Mac managed to say then turned to Trish and held the phone to her. "It's Harm," she whispered as Trish tentatively took the phone.
"Harm?" Trish asked quietly. After a moment Mac saw the relief that washed over her. She knew exactly what she was feeling.
Mac looked at Frank for an instant before leaning over and hugging him tightly. She wasn't sure if she was laughing or crying as he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tightly.
"You were right, Sarah," he said softly as he held her. He watched Trish as she listened intently to the phone at her ear. "He's coming home."
"I'll see you soon, Harm. I love you, too." Trish touched Mac's shoulder lightly and handed the phone back to her.
"Harm?" Mac managed to find her voice now.
"I can't wait to see you, Mac. We have a lot to talk about," he said.
"Damn right we do," she sighed as she closed her eyes and held the phone tightly against her ear.
"AJ wants his phone back," Harm told her.
"I love you," she blurted out suddenly. She hadn't intended to say it, she had wanted to be able to see his face when she said the words out loud for the first time, but after everything that had happened she wasn't waiting another minute to tell him the truth. She expected him to hesitate or just ignore it and hand the phone off.
"I love you too, Sarah," he answered, she could have sworn his voice sounded just a little stronger, but she knew that was probably just wishful thinking. "I'll see you soon."
"Mac, it's AJ. We're taking him to Bethesda. I'll leave word for them to expect you and his parents. There'll be guards posted so prep Trish and Frank as necessary," he instructed her.
"Copy that," she replied as she felt a little of the elation fade. If there were going to be guards posted, that meant that he wasn't safe in the middle of a military hospital. Some element of this nightmare wasn't quite over.
"And Mac," AJ paused for a second before adding "I'm damn glad you were right. Now get to Bethesda."
The line disconnected and Mac took a few deep breaths as she held the phone to her chest. She felt like she was breathing for the first time since Webb had told her Harm was missing.
"Where to Sarah?" Frank asked.
"Nearest major airport, we need to get to DC then we can catch a helo over to Bethesda."
"O'Hare should have flights to DC. We're about half an hour out of Chicago," Frank commented as he pulled back onto the road. "I'm betting I can shave a few minutes off that time."
"I'll make arrangements for our flights," Mac said. She looked back at Trish now and reached out to touch her knee gently. "Are you okay?"
Trish waved her off absently. "I'm fine dear, I'm just getting too old for these emotional rollercoasters."
Mac felt a twinge of guilt as she thought about what AJ had said about having a guard posted. She instinctively knew that the ordeal wasn't completely over yet. She hoped she'd be able to shield Trish from whatever was still going on.
She dialed a familiar number on her phone and was thankful when the call was answered on the second ring. "Bud, hey, it's Mac. Listen, I need you to make some travel arrangements for me, ASAP."