TRIGGER WARNINGS: The following themes are in this fic: self-harm, addiction, homophobia, abuse, abandonment, self-destructive behaviors and thoughts, suicidal thoughts. If you are not into serious angst, depression and dark fics, feel free to skip this one.

Chapter 12: Theo: POV Blaine

A car to a plane to another car. His apartment building to the elevator to his front door to his bed. As soon as he got into that car and headed to the Columbus airport he chose to shut down. He wasn't going to cry in front of strangers. He wasn't going to be rude just because of his bad day. He was just going to survive. But as soon as he got to his bedroom, he ran to the bathroom to dry heave. As he laid on the cold bathroom tiled floor, he let himself fall apart. He started to cry, and cry and cry and it didn't stop. He had endured years of torture all because of a moment in middle school. And he was finally going to cry.

Blane was in the 6th grade when he realized that he was different from the other boys. Unlike his guy friends who would feel warm and fuzzy for girls, he felt warm and fuzzy for boys. Blaine didn't know what being gay was, but he did know that there was something wrong with him and that he wasn't supposed to feel the way he did. Everything in school, at home, at church was talked about as a boy and a girl, not a girl and a girl, and certainly, not a boy and a boy. He knew there was something wrong with him. But he kept it to himself.

Then in the 7th grade he became best friends with Theo. Theo was the kind of person who was always laughing in a way that lit up the entire room. He was super creative and would draw for the fun of it. He had green and brown eyes, and curly hair like Blaine's. May it be joking around about who could get the teacher to reprimand whom first or how long they could hold their breaths under water, they had fun together. Their parents would let them hangout often because they went to church together and their mothers were friends. Blaine and Theo were two peas in a pod.

One afternoon, they were outside in Blaine's backyard in one of their secret hiding spots. It was a treefort where they'd go to escape from their parents, and Theos brothers and sisters who were often around. They were there talking on a warm March day. Theo had mentioned to Blaine that he had a crush, and so Blaine asked Theo who his crush was on. Theo looked nervously at Blaine, and said, "Blaine I can't tell you." Blaine being Theos best friend poked and prodded him.

"What do you mean you can't tell me? I'm your best friend Theo! Come on, who is it? Is it Beth? She's always looking at you in church. Or is it grace? Since she's good friends with your older sister. Who is it? You can tell me."

Theo looked at Blaine, and sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get away with not telling Blaine who it was. He looked at Blaine and then looked off into the distance, not wanting to see his face. He replied just loud enough for Blaine to hear him. "Blaine my crush is on you."

Blaine felt a small lump in his throat and a tiny flutter in his stomach. A part of Blaine felt sick, and another part of Blaine felt overwhelmed with adoration for Theo. Blaine swallowed the lump and took one of Theos hands into his own, and said to him, "I promise I won't tell anyone. And… I like you too." Theo looked at Blaine, his eyes were wide, and he finally let go of the breath he did not realize he was holding. "Blaine, thank you." Blaine smiled at him and they sat there, holding hands, and just being. Before they went back up to Blaine's house, they promised to keep it a secret between the two of them, and that was that.

Theo and Blaine did as they promised to each other. They kept it a secret. It was simple, just holding each other's hands when they were in private. And on occasion Blaine would ask Theo nervously if what they were doing was wrong, or if they'd go to hell, or get sent away. Theo always told Blaine a simple answer, courage.

A month or so had passed since they had made their pact, and because they were teenage boys, things started to change. They would hold hands, and then play with each other's hair, or caress one another's arm, and then lay a hand on each other's knee, and on one April night they kissed. It was a peck at first, but it soon turned into a passionate kiss. They had agreed to be careful and they were. Until the last week of the school year came upon them.

They had just gotten out of school on warm June day and were walking to the church. They were now considered senior altar boys and therefore led the training for the younger boys during the week. They got to church and went into the vestry, a small room that was located in the back-right corner of the church where they kept the traditional gowns worn by the altar boys, and priests.

Theo and Blaine had changed a lot since they made their pact, and now they were more comfortable with each other. Whenever they were alone together, they were just happy to be together, and much of their consciousness was lost to their hands being intertwined and the twinkle in their eyes when they looked at one another. They had arrived at the church 30 mins early in order to have an extra couple of minutes alone together. No one ever came into the vestry on a day that wasn't a Saturday or Sunday. The priests usually didn't garb in the vestry, and the boys knew it was their best hiding spot. Theo took Blaine's hand and dragged him to the corner of the room that had the best blind spot from the door and rolled a garb rack in front of them just in case.

Blaine had one hand intertwined with Theos and one hand on the back of Theos neck as they began to kiss. Theo couldn't help but make a quiet moan as Blaine's tongue brushed against his lips. Theo proceeded to open his mouth and let Blaine's tongue work its way in. They began kissing with more passion, and their breathing soon became heavy, and wet. Blaine moved both of his hands to Theo's hips bringing them closer to him. Blaine's breathing hitched as he felt Theo against his thigh for the first time. Theo could feel Blaine and they slotted their legs together so they could be even closer. They were both flushed with heat and running hands all over each other. The heat and passion and intensity of it all absorbed them, and it wasn't until they heard someone, loud, angry, and stern say "boys!" that they were taken out of their trance.

Theo saw him first and quickly got as far away from Blaine as possible. The assistant priest had been standing there, watching them for a minute before he said anything, in part because he couldn't believe what he was seeing and because he had hoped the boys would've noticed him before he would have to say anything, but they were so caught up in the sin that they hadn't noticed. He sternly said, "Meet me in Priests Jacobs office in five minutes" and slammed the door behind him. Theo by this point was in the opposite corner crying, and out of breath. Blaine was standing there, still breathing heavy, and in shock. He couldn't seem to understand what just happened. He was after all a kid and forgot that getting caught was even an option.

What happened after that would be a life that consisted of conversion camps, beatings, hospital visits, and being constantly shipped off. Blaine had survived it all and had gone to college with the hopes of being able to prove himself to his parents but years later here he was lying on cold tile floor without a purpose, and without a reason because after all these years his only reason was to prove himself to them. To prove them and everyone else that despite his 'disease', he was successful. That was his reason. And now it was gone. And Theo was gone. And he was lost.