Chapter 12

"Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real."
― Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses

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April 7th, 2022

Dear Dean:

When I thought things were getting a little better, another wave hits me, and it ruined everything I, stupidly, took for granted.

When will I learn that life can change in a second, and sometimes, happiness can go down the toilet if you don't pay enough attention?

I talked to Erik the following day after I wrote you the last letter. He did not take the news very well, but no too bad either. I deserved to be punched in the face, but he's far too kind to do that.

Genevieve's mom, Camille, thought that despite the circumstances she got pregnant in, the baby is a gift from God. Erik told me I had to marry her, and I didn't even doubt about that. I can't hurt her anymore than I already did. She could have a miscarriage, since the doctors say the baby may not make it past the first trimester, and I don't want to leave her alone if that happens.

She's just so, so excited about this. She thanks God, too.

Man, I cannot even hear that word without thinking about Chuck these days. I feel that, somehow, I'm still cursed and under his control. Everyone around me dies, or lose someone they love. I should have never stayed here. Remember when we thought we were finally free? That's crap.

It found me yesterday. Again.

The life I thought I had left behind. Turns out I'm not safe from this curse, nor will be Genevieve or the baby either.

Genevieve was planning the wedding with Sarah, one of her best friends, and I was alone at her place. Someone knocked on the door and I thought it was Zac, who was supposed to come later and drink a beer or two while watching the game. It was not him, but a man in his early thirties. Before I could even talk, he said my name and his eyes turned black.

He threw me to the floor, kicked me in the head and stomach, and said he had escaped hell to kill me. The demon said Rowena wanted me to stay safe, but he had other plans.

Once I regained control and managed to exorcise him I was bloody, sitting right next to an unconscious man lying on the floor, when I saw someone witnessed the scene. Genevieve was there, wide-eyed. She heard me talking in Latin, and saw the black smoke escaping the man's mouth as she got closer to the open door.

At that point, I had no other choice than explaining her what had happened.

I tried so hard to be normal. I swear I did. Of course, she thought I was nuts. I would have thought the same thing if I was her.

She said I was insane and told me to leave the house. No matter what I said, she did not want to hear me. Can you blame her?

Now, I'm living back in my place, and I don't know what I am supposed to do. Will she tell Erik about this? If she does, which I'm sure she will, he will kick my ass for real and tell me to leave town.

I can't do that. I don't want to. Not now, that I know that I'm gonna have a child. I don't wanna be like dad. I don't want him or her to grow up with an absent father. Even when we talked about having a family with Jess, I was so afraid of something like this happening to us.

Miracle is here, curled up and sleeping right next to me. At least he still loves me.

I'm so screwed. If she doesn't want me to be a part of their lives, I don't know what to fight for this time. Miracle is the only one that won't leave me. I guess he doesn't get that chance because he does not know any better than this. He is ignorant to demons and monsters.

All I want to do is give everything up. She'll never look at me the same way she did before.

More than that, she didn't need to say the word for me to hear it. I am a freak. Has something changed, or have I decided I didn't want to see what I really am? Samuel Winchester, the freak. The black sheep of the family.

I know you would be pissed off if I said this to you, but I wish you had never brought me back to life when Jake killed me. You would be alive, and everything would be okay.

There would have been no apocalypse, no Lucifer or Michael from other worlds, and even Bobby would still be alive.

All that's left to do is wait. Wait for something to happen. Maybe I should start packing my stuff, just in case I need to go away.

Had I been more like you, everyone would be safer. Nothing serious. No deaths. Just cold beers and some fights every now and then.

I'm so sorry, Dean.

Sammy

Author's Note: Hey guys. Not my favorite chapter, but here it goes. Hope you liked it. Sam is right. Sometimes, you just can't escape from your past.

Maybe you just have to embrace it.

If you have a minute, please, leave a review or suggestion.

I see you soon!

KW