Kissing Brienne is amazing, dizzyingly so. At some point he feels his muscles hurting from smiling, but he can't help himself—not when she's kissing him back, clumsy but oh, so sweet. Her hands dig his hair, while his flesh one cups her cheek; their bodies still pressed against one another, since they never really broke their hug.
He feels so whole, so happy, that a small part of him can't help but wonder how he ever thought whatever he had with Cersei had been love—then Brienne's tongue clashes against his and Cersei is thrown to the farthest corners of his mind.
He has no idea how much time passes until they finally break apart. He rests his forehead against hers and takes him time gazing at her. She's panting heavily (so is he), her astonishingly blue eyes are almost gone in her oversized pupils (he bets the same can be said about his own), her lips are red and swollen, well-kissed—and only his need for air stops him from pouncing at her again.
She's the first to break the silence. "I—I'll take it as a yes", she says breathlessly.
It takes a moment for him to remember what he supposedly said yes to, and then he chuckles, feeling giggling happiness wash over him. He doesn't remember feeling like this since he was a small child. "Yes, she's your daughter, too. Our daughter." He swallows heavily. "Do you—is this good news for you?"
She looks down, blushing. Alysanne has assured him repeatedly that his feelings for Brienne are mutual. Mother loved you until the end of her days. But it is one thing to feel, another to acknowledge it and act on it. Gods know how long it took for him to embrace his love for her; who's to say she is ready to accept his heart?
Her silence makes him nervous. Perhaps he was too reckless, and she only kissed him back out of instinct. Perhaps she didn't get the meaning behind his kiss and his smile. "Brienne, look at me", he asks gently, his hand never leaving her cheek. She obeys him, and her eyes glimmer in a way that makes him forget how to breathe. I hope Alysanne was born with her mother's eyes.
"It's alright if you don't… if you don't feel the same." It isn't, to be honest, but he won't force her to anything. "But I love you. I've loved you for years—I can't even tell you when I fell for you, because it was all so confusing for me, I can't pinpoint the exact moment when you took over my heart."
He gulps. "But you did. You showed me what true love is—not the messed up thing I had with Cersei. You inspire me to be a better man. I… I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone else, and I know my heart is safe with you because you'd never ask me anything that would bring me dishonor. I'm happy to be in love with you, even if you don't love me back." He inhales. "So, when I figured out that Alysanne was our daughter from the future… I felt like bloody singing, Brienne. Nothing—nothing felt more right in the world than the thought of you heavy with my child, raising Alys together…"
Only it wasn't what happened. He never got to see any of this, in Alysanne's world. But he'd rather leave that part of the conversation for after he learns of Brienne's current feelings on the matter. "You are in no way obliged to feel the same", he repeats. "I know I'm far from being an ideal husband for you. I just wanted you to know how much I love you."
She's breathless again, as if he had kissed her instead of pouring his heart to her. Finally, she moves her hand to his cheeks, caressing his beard. "You lost your sword hand to save me for rape", she reminds him. "You turned away from King's Landing to go back to Harrenhal for me, and jumped into a bear pit, without a weapon or a plan, to rescue me. You protected me from your family in the capital. You gave me customized armor, a Valyrian steel sword, a horse and a loyal squire so I could fulfill an oath that directly opposed your house's plans. You took Riverrun without bloodshed because I asked you to, and then you made sure I escaped safely, even though it was the complete opposite of what your sister would want you to do." He doesn't know why she's listing all these things—does she realize he's done them out of love for her? But then her next words catch him by surprise: "Tell me, Jaime, should I not fall in love with you even after all of this?"
His throat is suddenly burning, and he feels tears threatening to come out of his eyes. He should have known she'd say something like this. Alysanne prepared him for these words. Why does he feel so overwhelmed?
He barely manages to stutter, "It was—nothing."
She chuckles, hands firm on his face. "Jaime, you were the first person to respect me and see my worth. If people look up to me today in Winterfell, it's because of you. I know you trust me, and no one has ever seen me as trustworthy before you bared your soul to me in Harrenhal. No one ever deemed me worth saving before you. I know I'll never be a beauty, but you were the first person to make me think my looks don't matter as much as I've always believed they did."
That he does not like. "You look beautiful to me", he whispers. "I may not have found it so at first, but—I could look at you all day, and it would not be enough."
Apparently, it's the right thing to say, for she kisses him again, and it's a long time before any rational thought comes to his mind.
The sun is setting when they finally make their way back to Dragonstone. They have yet to talk about the story of Alysanne's conception and birth, but Brienne seemed to accept when he told her he'd rather tell it with her. If she remembers I told her I died before she was born, she must have guessed it is not a happy story. Well, so far nothing she knows about their daughter speaks of a happy life, actually, so it is possible Brienne is not that eager to hear about it.
He finds Alysanne in the dinner hall, seemingly being questioned by anyone who manages to get near her. He remembers how Princess Arianne eagerly asked her about her future on their way here, and guesses other people must have similar curiosity. All of their stories end the same, he thinks. And then they died. Everyone died.
For uptenth time, his heart aches at the thought of his daughter alone in the world after witnessing her own mother's death. Unbidden, his hand reaches for Brienne's and squeezes it under the table, just as Tyrion comes to sit across them.
"My dear brother", he greets Jaime, raising the cup of wine he brought along. He takes a sip and turns to Brienne. "My lady, it is a pleasure to meet you." He turns back to Jaime. "I've had the most enlightening talk with your white sword. She told some… truths. Or rather, she made me guess."
He raises his eyebrows. There is only one thing Alysanne would make people guess rather than telling them straight away. "You know who her parents are, I assume", he replies. Tyrion nods, glancing at Brienne.
"I know it, too", she tells his brother. "Jaime made me guess as well."
Tyrion glances at the direction of where their hands remain intertwined, as if he could see them. "At this rate", he says, "I won't be surprised if this whole castle guesses it by the end of the month."
"My men have yet to guess she isn't Uncle Kevan's bastard", he replies dryly. "And they've known her age since I introduced her to them. You'd think they'd at least guess the timing doesn't add up, but not even Bronn figured out."
Tyrion opens his mouth, but he hears a female voice replying instead. "That's because they can't think of a mother", Alysanne tells them as she sits beside Tyrion. "They all know you wouldn't seek a whore, or even a servant, and the only women you've talked to in King's Landing were me, Daenerys, and Princess Arianne."
"Fair point", Jaime states. "Are you seeking refuge from everyone who wants to have their fortune told?"
She rolls her eyes, and he instinctively knows he's right. "I'm just telling them they died, and died, and died. If I think someone should know what happened to them in my world, I'll seek them out myself."
They all chuckle at that. "But many people came to me asking why I wield two swords", she adds. "At least those conversations were fun."
"I am curious about your dual swords, niece", Tyrion says. "And I'd bet your mother is too."
Brienne nods, and Alysanne tells them about her training in her younger years, as well as the story of how she found each Targaryen sword. When their plates are emptied, she sets them aside to place Dark Sister and Blackfyre on it, so they could inspect it. Brienne's eyes shine in the torchlight, and he can't stop staring at her as she admires the swords.
Finally, she raises her head to look at their daughter. Her face is once again serious, and suddenly he dreads what she is going to say. "I'd like to know", she asks, slowly, "how you came to grow up without your father."
He gulps and glances at Alysanne, who is already looking at him. "I thought you had told her", she says, almost accusingly."
"I didn't have the courage", he admits.
She nods, seemingly understanding. "But you should at least start", she counters, "with your… condition. Uncle Tyrion should know, too, and this table is isolated enough to be safe to speak."
He can feel Brienne and Tyrion's gazes, but his eyes remain on the table—the swords had already been taken back. Quietly, only loud enough to be heard by the three of them, he reveals about his habit of going away inside when he doesn't feel safe in some way.
"You advised me to do that once", Brienne says when he finishes. "When—before you got your hand cut off."
He hears Tyrion add, "I've seen you with a distant look, sometimes. I never—it never crossed my mind it could be something like this."
"Neither of you could have known", he says. "It's not like it happens to everyone."
A short silence follows, and then his brother asks, "What does it have to do with your premature death, though?"
He shoots his head up abruptly, leaving him dizzy for a moment. He takes quick breaths to calm himself down and opens his mouth to speak, but then he looks into Brienne's eyes and—
He can't tell her how he abandoned her. He can't tell her how, in another lifetime, he chose to die with Cersei over living with her. He can't.
So he looks pleadingly at Alysanne and wordlessly stands up, not even hearing their calls as the heads outside.
It takes little more than an hour before Brienne finds him. What is she doing here? Did Alysanne not tell her the truth of what I did?
Her hands rest on his arms and her chest is pressed against his back. He inhales sharply, unsure of what to do with her touch. "Jaime", she whispers, so softly it hurts. "Jaime", she calls again when he doesn't respond. "You are not that man. Please come back to me."
He feels his throat burning, but manages to reply, "How can you still want me near you?" Carefully, he turns to face her, because he's selfish and he needs to look in her eyes. "I left you sobbing in the middle of the night to die with a woman who tried to kill me twice. I took your maidenhead and impregnated you only to leave you alone with a baby to raise."
She shakes her head. "We are talking about another Jaime", she insists. "Yes, in another life, you did that, though our daughter was adamant to explain it did not mean you didn't love me. But you must not feel guilt over things you haven't done." She cups his face. "There is no Cersei to go back to, this time, and you made sure of that. I know you won't leave me this time, because now you know you have things to live for. And if you still do… I don't plan on letting you go this time."
She sounds so determined, so fierce, he can't help the tears that fall, one from each eye. "I think", he whispers after she kisses his tears away, "there is a sure way to prevent me from ever leaving you—not that I want to." He swallows heavily. "Marry me, Brienne."
She startles and takes a step back, blinking. "What?"
He grabs one of her hands and kisses it. "Marry me, my lady", he repeats. "I had planned on courting you, like you deserve to be courted, but there is a war looming over us, and I'd rather fight it at your side, as your husband. Protect you not because you need me to, but because I can't bear to see you hurt. And then, when we finally find peace, work on bringing baby Alysanne to this world—preferably with a whole bunch of siblings to keep her company. How does that sound to you, Brienne?"
Her lips are trembling, but her eyes shine, so he waits patiently for her words. Then, finally, she smiles. "Yes", she whispers. "I'll marry you, Jaime." And seals her answer with a kiss.
Yes, a war looms over them all—but, he thinks as he bites her upper lip, one can find happiness even in the darkest hours. He knows he has.