Chapter 13: Thinking of you

This chapter was inspired by Katy Perry's song Thinking Of You.

A couple of weeks had gone by and Liam was coming over more and more often. He would bring food or coffee and they would watch a movie or just talk half the night. But even though Rayna was always looking forward to seeing Liam, she couldn't stop thinking about Deacon. The thoughts about him would always overcome her whenever she was starting to feel happy with Liam. Rayna always tried to push those thoughts away. Sometimes she succeeded, but most of the time, she didn't. But even though she was still constantly thinking about Deacon, she had agreed to go on a real date with Liam, as she had felt that she had been falling in love with Liam and had wanted to give that feeling a chance.

The date had been great: he had picked her up and taken her to a fancy rooftop restaurant. Rayna had really enjoyed it, and had even felt something really close to happiness. But then, when Liam had kissed her on her doorstep, she suddenly had felt as if she had been kissing Deacon. She had backed off, started crying and asked Liam to leave.

Now she was lying awake in her bed, contemplating whether she should text Liam or not.

Suddenly her phone buzzed. It was a message from Liam.

I'm sorry if I did something wrong.

I hope you're ok.

She stared at the message with tears welling up in her eyes. "He's so sweet, I don't even deserve him," she thought. Maybe I just need a little more time, maybe I can make it work.

She texted him back:

"You're so sweet. Thanks for being the way you are. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the problem."

"A very pretty problem though. No, seriously, are you ok?"

"I try to be."

"I'm worried."

"Don't be. I'm a big girl."

"Do you know what my biggest wish is?"

"?"

"To see you happy"

"The closest thing to happy I ever was in the last couple of months, was when I was with you. And for someone who is a mess like I am that means a lot."

"You're a HOT mess, Rayna Jaymes (flame emoji)

Extremely hot, to be exact."

"Thanks for always making me laugh."

"I try my best (clown emoji)"

"That clown emoji is pretty creepy though."

"Yep, you're right. He's probably planning something evil."

"Yeah right!"

"So…now that I know that you love clowns…

Should we watch "It" on our next date?"

"How do you even know that there'll be a next date?"

"Ouch. You're killing me, Rayna Jaymes (skull emoji)"

"Aaaaw, I'm sorry.

Are you sure you still want to date me?"

"100000000000000000% sure"

"Do you think we can make it work?"

"I think we have to try."

"Friday 8 p.m. at my place? I'll cook…"

"I'll be there!"

"Good night, Rayna."

"Good night, Liam."

That Friday at 7:55 p.m., Rayna's doorbell rang. She rushed to the door yelling "I'm coming!" and opened it.

"Hey!"

"Hi, pretty lady." Liam gave her that smirk of his that made her knees weak.

She thought "Lord, he's hot," and smiled back.

He was holding a big bouquet of red roses and a small paper bag. He handed Rayna the roses. "I hope that's not too cheesy?"

"Well, it is, but they're beautiful, thank you."

Liam laughed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, come in!"

"Thanks."

They walked into the kitchen and while Rayna put the roses into a vase, Liam took a DVD case out of the paper bag. Rayna glanced at the case. It was white and had "IT" written on it in big red letters.

"You're crazy, if you think, I'm gonna watch that, Liam McGuiness!"

"Well, I am crazy! Crazy in love with you!"

She smiled at him, shaking her head.

"So, what's for dinner?"

"Lasagna…I hope that's ok?"

"Lasagna's amazing!"

After dinner, they sat down on the couch with two glasses of red wine.

"So do I have a chance to convince you to watch the movie?"

"It depends."

"On what?"

"On how good your arguments are!"

Liam leaned over and kissed Rayna.

"Well, in that case," she leaned towards him and kissed him back, "I have to say yes!"

Liam smiled, got up, and put the DVD into the DVD player.

They started watching the movie and whenever there was a scary scene, Rayna moved closer to Liam.

Liam had put his arm around Rayna's shoulder and they were occasionally kissing.

After about an hour they started kissing passionately. Rayna was sitting on Liam's lap, facing him. She took off his t-shirt and ran her fingers over his six-pack, thinking how hot he was. "Just a second, Honey," he whispered, grabbed the remote control from the coffee table and turned off the TV.

Then he started kissing Rayna again, helping her to take off her top. She was wearing a black lace bra and Liam clearly liked what he was seeing. "Wow," he whispered and started kissing her again, placing his right hand on her left boob. Rayna started opening up his pants, then she got up to take off hers, while Liam was taking off his. Then, she sat down on his lap again and they started kissing even more passionately. Liam reached for the clasp of Rayna's bra, snapped it open, and took off her bra. Then, he gently turned her around, so she was lying on the couch on her back and he was leaning over her. He was kissing her neck and placed his hand on her boob again, while she reached into his boxer shorts. With his free hand, Liam took off Rayna's panties. Then he started moving downwards with the kisses. Rayna was getting more and more aroused, when suddenly a thought hit her like a truck. Deacon.

Liam was kissing her just below her belly button, when he felt that she suddenly tensed up. He stopped, sat up and looked her in the eyes. "Are you ok?" he asked, gently brushing a strand of her copper hair out of her face.

"I...I'm fine, just a little nervous," she stuttered.

"Listen, if you need more time, I understand that."

"No, it's ok."

"Are you sure, Rayna?"

"Absolutely, I'm fine, really," she said and started kissing him, trying to get the thoughts about Deacon out of her head.

"Liam," she thought, "I need to think about Liam."

After a while, Liam took off his boxers and asked "Are you really ok with this?" looking right into Rayna's eyes. She nodded, pulling him close to her, thinking "Pull yourself together, Rayna Jaymes, there's nothing wrong with this and you love him, so don't you ruin this."

She felt Liam inside of her, his kisses and his hot breath on her neck and it felt amazing, but suddenly she heard Deacon's voice in her head. "Don't you miss me anymore, Ray? I'll always miss you and I'll always love you. But you don't love me anymore. You've already replaced me. That's hurting me real bad, Ray."

"What have I done?" Rayna sobbed and started crying.

Liam didn't understand what was happening for a few seconds and just stared at her.

"Rayna, what's wrong? Oh Honey why are you crying?"

She was crying even harder, gasping for air.

"Baby, talk to me, please! What's happening? Please, Rayna, try to calm down, ok?"

He tried to hug her, but she pushed him away. "Please don't touch me," she sobbed, "this is just wrong."

"Rayna, please, try to relax, everything is gonna be fine."

She shook her head, got up and frantically gathered her clothes from the floor.

"Rayna, please, let's talk about this, ok?"

She shook her head, ran off into the bathroom and locked the door. She threw her clothes onto the bathroom floor and wanted to get into the shower, but she heard Liam knocking on the bathroom door and asking "Rayna, are you ok?"

"Please, leave!"

"I can't leave you like this, Rayna. I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to be," she sobbed, "I just can't do this anymore, I'm sorry."

"Rayna please, don't do this to me and… to yourself. If you need more time, that's ok, but please don't give up on us!"

"I'm sorry Liam, you're so sweet and you don't deserve this, but I can't! This was a huge mistake, I cheated on Deacon."

"Honey, what are you talking about? You didn't cheat on him!"

"Yes, I did! Please leave now, you're only making it worse! Please! Leave!"

"I never wanted to cause you any pain, Rayna, I'm sorry."

She was crying heavily. "Please, just leave!"

He sighed. "Ok, I'll leave, if you really want me to. But my offer is still valid, and it always will be: you can call me whenever you need anything. Always, ok?"

He waited for an answer for a few seconds, but Rayna didn't say a word. She couldn't.

"Goodbye, Rayna," Liam said softly.

Rayna heard his footsteps moving away slowly, and ̶ a couple of seconds later ̶ the door clunking shut. She stumbled across the bathroom, feeling as if she was watching herself from far away. She got into the shower and turned on the water. Crying heavily, she sank to the floor, wrapped her arms around her knees and let the warm water run over her