Hey People.

Another chapter. This one on the shorter side. Oh well. What can you do!
No new Reviews, so no new answers to those either.
Once again massive thank you to VonPelt for Beta-reading this chapter! Amazing guy!
Enjoy
Waske
XxX

Chapter 14

Visiting St. Mungo's

Harry spent most of his time working on his Occlumency. The journal had been great inspiration even if some of the Blacks' approaches seemed nonsensical to him. He had begun building what looked like a concrete pillbox around his memories in his mind. He still didn't spend a lot of time with the others. He felt awkward around the Weasley's. He couldn't stop feeling responsible for what happened. He understood it logically but he still sometimes woke up from nightmares about that night covered in sweat and gasping for breath.

Harry slouched his way to the kitchen after having woken up from the same nightmare. He just wanted something to eat before hopefully getting a chance to crash in his bed again. He hated himself for being weak enough to succumb to nightmares.

He barely made it through the door to the kitchen before he was hit by a brown missile squeezing the air out of his lungs. Had he slept better he would have tried to get out of Hermione's hug but instead he preemptively asked the first question.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Harry it's so good to see you."

"You didn't answer my question. I thought you were going skiing with your parents."

"How could I go skiing while this was going on? I told my parents I didn't feel like going."

She released Harry and looked him over closely. Harry knew from experience that he wasn't going to get out of her questioning. Harry could see it in the way she was chewing up her lip and her brows clenched together so tight it looked like they were one long brow. He took a step back so his ears would be spared at least.

What followed was a recount of everything he had told the Weasleys. How he had had a nightmare about Mr. Weasley, getting bit and him telling Dumbledore. How they had been whisked away to Grimmauld Place.

By the time Harry had told her everything, he had told the others with the exception of Tonks and Sirius, Hermione still wasn't done fishing for more information. He was just about to snap at her when Tonks came to his rescue.

"If you are done holding up the doorway…" she drawled.

Hermione jumped out of the way quickly and made room for the woman to enter the kitchen. Harry spotted an annoyed, slightly frustrated look on Tonks face behind the smile she had plastered upon it. Harry was just about to reach for her, asking her what was wrong when she was out of reach already brewing her morning coffee. That might explain it.

Harry followed in her footsteps and sat down at the table, trying not to look at Hermione who was teetering on opening her mouth again. Harry sent her a look that lately had come to mean something in the way of 'I'm done talking now. No more questions'.

"Bad night?" Harry asked Tonks.

"Something like that."

They sat in an uncomfortable silence until Mrs. Weasley brought breakfast. The Weasleys joining them soon after. Hermione had thankfully turned her attention towards Ron and Ginny as soon as they came in. Everyone was feeling a little tetchy at the moment. It had been days since they had arrived at Grimmauld Place and no new news had come about Mr. Weasley's condition. Harry observed all of them. He felt trapped being in the same house as them. It wasn't their fault, but they made him feel guilty.

"We are going to St. Mungo's today," Mrs. Weasley announced. "We are just waiting for Alastor and Hestia to arrive. Your father is getting better, but I thought you would like to see it for yourself."

A general sense of relief filled the kitchen. The three Weasley brothers all grabbed their plates and filled them up some more, despite the disgust painted on Ginny and Hermione's faces.

"If I ever doubted them being brothers before…" Hermione trailed.

"I know what you mean," Ginny sighed. "Fred and George at least used to have better table manners."

"We're hungry, okay?" Fred said.

"Haven't eaten properly in days."

"Could eat a cow right now."

"More like a Hippogriff."

Ron just grunted his agreement at their words. Harry turned his attention to Tonks. Something about her this morning didn't feel right to him. She felt… less bubbly in a way.

"Buckbeak might take offence if you do."

Harry took his plate and plopped down in the chair next to her a little further down the table. She barely acknowledged him sitting there next to her. Harry quietly ate his food, knowing her well enough to know that asking her what was wrong would make her clam up faster than he Blast-Ended Screwt. He noticed her sending looks between him and Hermione. He kept his cool, finishing off the food before sitting back in his chair.

"Alright, out with it," she grumbled.

Harry looked her over closely, but kept his mouth shut. She would tell him if she wanted to and if she didn't want to it would only make her more irritable and snappy.

"The silent treatment, huh?" Tonks finished off her coffee beginning on her food.

Harry calmly sipped his tea while she ate. It wasn't until she was halfway through lifting up her fork that she decided to talk, putting the cutlery on top of her half eaten food.

"Is there something going on between you and Hermione?"

Harry's mind went for a loop. That was not what he had been expecting at all. He wasn't even sure how to answer that question. He turned his head fully towards Tonks and studied her carefully. Her hair was still in a shade of pink but it looked more reddish than usual, like it was about to turn fully red if he said the wrong thing. He couldn't understand her reaction at all.

"We're friends. Have been since first year. You know that."

"Friends don't always stay friends."

"Tonks, there is nothing like that between Hermione and me." Harry said, before he leant in and whispered. "You know about me and Jacque. I'm fully taken."

Tonks huffed like she didn't believe him and turned her head away, reaching for the pot of coffee a bit out of her reach.

"You haven't written to him."

"Been a little busy, hasn't it?" Harry said as if it explained everything. It didn't even occur to him to question how she might know that.

"I suppose so."

They fell into the same silence as before. Harry kept going over their short conversation and his time at Grimmauld Place. He probably should have written to Jacque as soon as he was in London outside of the Toad's control. He decided that he would try to make time to sit down and update Jacque on everything that had happened to him these past months. He hadn't gotten a reply from Jacque about his last letter, but then again he hadn't expected it either. He had made it pretty clear that sending him a letter back would not have been a good idea. Still, it had stung not hearing from Jacque since October.

Harry sighed loudly and made to leave his chair. He had barely pushed it back before he felt a hand on his shoulder pushing him back down into his seat. Harry looked questioningly back at Tonks. He had no idea what was going on with her at the moment.

"Sit. We are not done talking."

"What is up with you?" Harry asked, beginning to feel slightly frustrated at the mixed signals she was sending.

"Look, I'm sorry…"

"What for?"

"I don't know. I'm just…"

"It's alright. You don't have to explain."

"But I feel like I do need to explain."

Harry stared into her eyes, seeing the same irritation she had had before, but he also spotted something else. A bone deep tiredness seemed to flow out of her eyes until she averted her eyes from his. A sense of loss fell over him when her hand left him the same way her eyes had done. Harry was just about to reach for her when Mad-Eye and Hestia arrived in the kitchen.

"Let's get this over with," Moody grumbled. "I want to be in and out of there before lunch."

Harry went upstairs to grab his coat and found the rest of the Weasleys getting ready in their usual rush whenever they were supposed to do something. Harry decided to just wait, leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes, calming himself while listening to what he suspected a real family sounded like. He felt a shoulder bump into him, forcing him to stumble a bit before he got his balance back. He turned his head back around to find a grinning Tonks standing right behind him.

"Awe. I was sure I was going to make you fall with that one."

"And why would you want me to fall?"

"Look, Handsome, I really am sorry for nosing my way into your business. I shouldn't have."

"It's alright. You're like family. I think it's part of the deal."

"I suppose it is."

"Seen Sirius?"

"No, I think he is up doing his own thing. He knew that we were going to St. Mungo's today, so he got a little sulky."

"Still can't leave the house?"

"Not really. Dumbledore is sure that Pettigrew has told his followers about his animagus form. He's going stir-crazy in here. Sometimes I just want to put a collar on him and take him for a walk."

"Oi! I heard that," Sirius called from the stairwell. "I'm not your pet or something."

"Do you think it's housetrained?" Harry whispered loud enough for Sirius to hear.

"I don't know. Did you notice anything smelling funny while you were here?" Tonks continued.

"Nothing except your room," Harry deadpanned.

"It's so bad even our little friend is avoiding it lately," Sirius guffawed.

"That's why her room is such a mess," Harry exclaimed with mock-surprise.

They both yelped when Tonks hit them with a stinging hex. They shared a grin between themselves only resulting in them getting a slap to the back of their head.

"Very funny. Ha… ha… Don't you have something you need to bite? I could get you a bone while I'm out."

"I think he would appreciate a good cleaning and maybe a hairbrush. He looks… shaggy."

"Laugh it up, you two. Just remember that I have all this time alone in the house while you're out."

Harry and Tonks paled at his implications. They had come to a ceasefire when it came to pranks between the three of them, mostly thanks to Dobby and his adamant position of not cleaning anything that was the result of a prank. It had been hard for the little elf to keep his conviction but all three of them had come to the conclusion that cleaning up after themselves were only fair and Dobby had more than enough to see to without having to clean their rooms.

The Weasleys finally got ready after Mad-Eye had chased them throughout the house. Harry fell back into a companionable silence with Tonks after saying goodbye to Sirius. Harry was slightly intrigued by the existence of a magical Hospital. If nothing else he was sure this trip would be educational.

Harry collapsed onto his back on the floor. He had just spent the past hours since they came back demolishing the training dummy and working off his rage. The trip in itself had been okay. Mr. Weasley had done something stupid like getting stitches. Well, it wasn't that the stitches were a stupid idea, but by the sound of it the healer who did them had no business tieing up a roast, nevermind practicing his technique on an actual patient. This had sparked an argument between Mr and Mrs Weasley, which made everyone else uncomfortable. That had led to Harry walking out of the room. He had felt uncomfortable being there in the first place because he still couldn't shake the guilt he felt after that vision, after remembering how it had felt to sink his teeth into Mr Weasley, feel the venom spurting out of -

The thank you's from all of the Weasleys and the atmosphere around them when they had huddled around Mr. Weasley's bed had only made him feel more out of place. He even felt that Hermione seemed closer to them lately. He still had fun with Fred and George and he would talk and hang out with Ron, but it was like Cedric's death had changed him. He wasn't naive anymore. It was like when he had seen the Thestrals the first time after arriving at Hogwarts this year. The skeleton thin black winged horses had seemed simultaneously beautiful and haunting at the same time. Death had changed him. He couldn't be naive anymore. It would only get other people killed.

He had soon been joined by Hermione and Tonks after that. Tonks had left Moody and Hestia to guard the Weasleys while she would guard the two of them. Not that Harry could ever understand how they would be in danger in a hospital. That had led them to finding Lockhart stumbling around the hallways on one of the floors.

The nice medi-witch had invited them in and there he had stood in front of the reason for his current condition. Frank and Alice Longbottom. Harry hadn't even known how similar he and Neville truly were. Neither of them had parents in their life. Seeing the Longbottom's empty faces as they couldn't even properly speak while Neville tried his best to connect with them. It was horrifying. For the first time in his life Harry found himself happy that his parents were just dead. Having to see his parents fade away in a hospital with no signs of improving after fourteen years. That would have been the harder of the two. Harry at least had some form of closure. There was no hope for him in his situation. He didn't have to dwell on what if's that were never going to come to pass. That wasn't to say that he hadn't often thought about what it would be like growing up with his parents. The Mirror of Erised in his first year had made that abundantly clear. He just didn't think about it as much anymore. Especially not since he and Sirius had actually formed a connection. Sirius had become everything a father was supposed to be for him. Sure, he and Sirius probably horsed around more than a normal Dad and son would, but Harry didn't need a father as much as he needed an adult who was unconditionally on his side. He didn't have that in anyone but Sirius, maybe Mrs. Tonks too.

Before this year he might have thought that the Weasleys could have been that for him, but the way they followed Dumbledore made it feel forced. They would only be there for him if Dumbledore said it was alright. If they had unconditionally been there for him then he would never have had to go back to the Dursleys every summer. They would have brought him home with them after his second year, he was sure of that. Mrs Weasley had told him that she had been on the verge of jailbreaking him herself when Ron and the twins had rescued him, but where had she been afterwards? Where had Mr Weasley been? All they had done during the Tournament was to rub Skeeter's article in Hermione's face, which had helped him exactly zero against the dragon or in the lake. All while Sirius has risked life and soul for him.

"You alright, Pup?"

Harry opened his eyes and slowly got control of his breathing. Sirius was holding a water bottle in front of his face. Harry gratefully reached for it and gulped down half of it's contents in one go.

"Want to talk about it?"

"I met the Longbottoms…" Harry said after a while trying to make sense of his emotions.

"Ah."

Harry sat up in a cross-legged position and watched Sirius while he himself sat down across from him various emotions flittering across his face.

"It's a tragedy what happened to them. Remus told me the whole tale after I got here. But my cousin and her charming family already bragged about the deed when they were brought to the cells next to me."

"I don't know how Neville does it," Harry said, breaking the silence that had descended between them. "I mean. I'm sad that my parents died and I wished they would have been alive, but I honestly prefer them being dead to what Neville's parents are. Does that make me heartless?"

"No," Sirius shook his head. "If I'm being honest then I agree with you. I miss your Mum and Dad more than anything. Your Dad is… was like a brother to me and while it still hurts sometimes remembering them, it's also a done thing. I can remember the good times. They are somehow preserved as something beautiful rather than what Frank and Alice have become."

"I know. I feel bad for Neville."

"Is that why you are doing this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Because you're angry?"

"I suppose so," Harry replied thoughtfully, tapping his chin. "No, actually… I think it's more a sense of urgency. Survival instinct almost. Like I don't want what happened to either mine or Neville's parents to happen to anyone else that I care about. Hogwarts has taught me that if I don't take care of things, no one does. I - I don't know how I would react if something happened to you… or Tonks… or -"

"Jacque," Sirius finished. "How's it going with him?"

"I don't know," Harry groaned. "Tonks pointed out at breakfast that I hadn't even sent him a letter since I got here. Does that make me a bad boyfriend?"

"Hmm," Sirius frowned. "He wouldn't expect you to have gotten out of Hogwarts until last night. Still, you probably should write him sometime today."

"I will," Harry said before falling quiet.

Harry stared off at one of the piles of dust that had once been a dummy. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before a frown settled on his face. He finished off the rest of his bottle of water before opening his mouth one more time.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Harry said hesitantly. "But with everything that is going on…"

Sirius waited patiently until Harry had gathered his thoughts.

"Sirius… It feels like… I don't know how to put it. Like Jacque is fading you know. I know that I still love him, but is it worth it? It's just… I haven't seen him since Halloween. He didn't reply to my letter… Not that I'm blaming him. I told him not to, but if he really wanted to write me, he could have given a reply to Tonks. They work together."

"What do you mean is it worth it?" Sirius asked, his brows furrowed.

"I mean is it worth it for either of us?" Harry groaned in frustration. "Even if I get a chance to see him this break, it's one day while I can't contact him until the summer. One day, Sirius, then half a year of nothing. Even with Dobby and Tonks it'll be impossible for us to keep contact. Is it worth it? For me? For him?"

"I don't know, Pup. But there's the Easter break. You could come here without telling the others - "

"I'm going to have to write him. This is something, I need to talk to him about isn't it?"

"It is," Sirius smirked. "Don't worry about it so much. Do you want to be with someone else until summer?"

"No, of course not. I just don't want to trap Jacque in something while he could have anyone he wants. I'm stuck at Hogwarts not even able to send him a letter thanks to that bitch and you honestly expect him to want to be with me?"

"I do."

"Why?"

"Because you are seriously underestimating your worth!"

Harry looked disbelievingly at the man sitting across from him. His emerald eyes trying to penetrate him for the truth. He just couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"There's something you aren't telling me…"

"Would you look at the time," Sirius laughed nervously. "I think it's almost time for tea. I should go ask Molly if she needs any help."

"Sirius!"

But Sirius had already disappeared up the stairs. Harry looked around the empty room and sighed. He had to clean up after himself. One of their rules about using the room. Dobby couldn't repair the dummies the same way wandmagic could. Harry grumbled, swearing to himself that he would get the truth out of Sirius as soon as possible. He was definitely finding out what Sirius was hiding.

Harry found the kitchen buzzing with energy by the time he came down after taking his shower. He looked questioningly at Tonks who was leaning up against the wall.

"What's going on?"

"Seems like the healer, who was in charge of Arthur's ward came back with an antidote to the venom in the wound after we left. He'll still be weak but he has been allowed to stay with his family. He's coming here soon."

"Oh."

"Yeah, that was my reaction too. Feels almost silly having visited him earlier when he was going to be released tonight."

"I'm just glad he is going to be alright. It's good he'll be here for Christmas."

A cheer resounded throughout the room as Mr. Weasley walked in supported by Kingsley. Harry joined in the clapping while Sirius was walking around with a bucket of butterbeers. Harry picked out two and handed the extra one to Tonks with a smile. Kingsley helped Mr. Weasley sit down in a chair at the end of the table.

"Thank you all for being here," he said with a weak voice. "Looks like I'll make it after all. All thanks to you, Harry."

Harry lifted his bottle and nodded his head. He didn't want the attention to be on him, especially not for this. He could feel the interested gazes gauging him. He hated it. He wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else really.

Harry was glad when they all began to flock around the Weasleys instead. It might have been a little selfish but as soon as Mr. Weasley began talking about the stitches he had gotten, a lot of the Order members became more interested in the weird muggle healing than what had happened the night Mr. Weasley was attacked.

Harry was just about to head for bed when he felt a hand on his arm, holding him there. He turned around to face the centre of his confusion. The same pink hair as she usually wore around him. He had seen other colours on her, but he liked the pink more. Her eyes were a bright blue colour, the same shade as Jacque's. It was confusing. Everytime he looked at her he was reminded of Jacque.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to write a letter, I think."

"Jacque?"

"Yeah…"

"What's wrong?" Tonks asked worriedly.

"It's nothing."

"Doesn't sound like nothing."

"It's stupid?"

"You need to do better than that, Handsome."

"Why do you call me that?"

"Call you what?"

"Call me Handsome."

"Didn't even realize I was doing that. Is it a problem?" Tonks asked, her voice sounding weak.

"It's what Jacque calls me," Harry ran a hand over his face.

"So that's where I picked that up from. Sorry, I didn't realise it bothers you, but looking back…"

He was feeling more tired than he had in a long time. His thoughts were running a mile an hour and all he wanted was to be alone. No more thinking about Voldemort, no more thinking about what Tonks being there made him think, no more thinking about the mess that was Umbridge and the Ministry.

"Oh. I can stop if you want," Tonks looked almost defeated at this point.

Harry sighed and shook his head. "It's alright. You can call me what you want. I'm tired."

Harry tried to leave once more, he just wanted to go to bed. He pulled his arm out of Tonks's grip not that it was hard for him, she hadn't been holding him tightly. Harry made it to the door before she even realized what was going on.

"Harry!"

"What?!"

"I'm not done talking."

"I am," Harry snarled angrily. "Leave me alone!"

"Fine!"

Harry angrily stalked up the stairs. He was frustrated and angry about everything. Umbridge, Voldemort, Dumbledore, the Ministry, the Order. All thoughts of writing a letter to Jacque had been blown out of his head. He tried to clear his head before falling asleep but even that was futile as he ended up falling asleep as soon as he hit the bed.