Chapter 14

TRIS POV

The rest of the day passes without incident, but I am worn out. Soccer practice was brutal again and now all I want is to go home.

Christina is leaning on the back bumper of Four's jeep when I walk out from the locker room after practice. There is no sign of Four. He said he had prep work for the first issue of the paper to keep him busy while I was at soccer, so maybe he got caught up. All I have wanted since this morning was a chance to talk to Christina and clear things up. I have gone over and over in my mind what I would say when I had the opportunity. Of course, now that she is in front of me, I can't remember any of the things I wanted to say. I just stare at her. She looks terrible. Did she look this bad this morning? I was so buzzed on Four I may not have noticed. I stare at her as I walk closer, she glances up when she hears me approach but doesn't say anything. She just looks back down at her feet. Her arms are crossed over her stomach and she is rocking slowly. She looks so lost and broken that I start to feel sorry for her. I think of my mom and how kind she always is and how she always taught Caleb and I that forgiveness was a gift to both people in an argument. I let out a deep breath, my shoulders sag as the tension I have carried with me all day dissolves. When I reach the jeep, I drop my bags on the ground and sit on the bumper next to her. "Chris? You look like hell. What is going on?"

She doesn't look at me, just keeps staring at her feet and rocking a little. Now that I am right next to her I can see there are wet tracks on her cheeks and she is crying. I just sit quietly and wait her out. If she is here, she must have been waiting for me. I have given her the opportunity to explain, now it is up to her.

After a moment, she says very quietly, "I'm so sorry, Tris." She clears her throat and continues a little louder, "I don't know why I was such a bitch to you this morning. I was way out of line and I don't know why I did that to you. You can date whoever you want, and it is no business of mine. You were right about that. I have no idea why I got so mad. I swear, it's like I wasn't even myself when I said those things to you. I was so angry I barely remember walking up to your locker. I am sorry."

I listen to her apology and she looks so miserable, I have no doubt that she is sorry. The backlash she got for her behaviour would be enough to make anyone regret their actions, but I wonder if she really didn't mean the things she said to me. "Christina, I appreciate that you're sorry and maybe didn't mean all of what you said, but that was a hell of an overreaction to seeing Four kiss me on the cheek. There must be something else going on. Being jealous isn't enough of a reason."

Her head pops up and she looks at me, surprised, "Jealous? You think I said those things because I am jealous of you?"

"It was suggested that might be your motive."

She looks hurt but resigned as she asks, "Who suggested that?"

"Shauna said you have a thing for Four, and I know you have a crush on Will. Christina, I want to believe this is just a huge misunderstanding, and that we can talk it out to clear the air. I want to go back to being friends."

Before I am even finished, she is shaking her head, "Tris, I was never really your friend. I am not a good friend, or I wouldn't have been so hateful to you this morning. I can't believe you're even speaking to me. I was horrible to you. Everyone is totally on your side though. You came out on top after all."

I shrug my shoulders and stick my hands in the pockets of Four's sweatshirt he gave me yesterday andI think about what she said, "Christina, tell me what this is really about and maybe we can start fresh."

"You'd do that? God knows I don't deserve it."

"Chris, I am new here. People don't know me yet, and neither do you. Not only am I NOT a slut, I also don't hold a grudge. It takes too much energy and if I am going to survive being on the soccer team, I don't have any energy to waste on a stupid feud with you. To set the record straight, Al asked me out to a movie, and I dodged turning him down to spare his feelings. Will offered to help me with swimming, which may or may not have been his way of asking me out. I don't know, but Four thinks it was. I never got a chance to answer him, and now we will never know because I'm not going to go if he brings it up again. Four and I are together. You can be jealous about that if you want to. I can't stop you."

She hunches her shoulders a little and shakes her head again, "I don't want to be jealous. Everything just seems to come so easy for you. First week and you're the most popular girl in school, without even trying!"

"That is crazy! I am not popular. I sat next to Uriah in homeroom and he took pity on me. If not for him, the only people I would know at school would be Four and Shauna. I'd only know Shauna because Four introduced me to her the first day in Spanish class and she is on the soccer team."

"They're going to invite you to join TZR."

I shrug my shoulders and look off across the mostly empty parking lot before answering, "Maybe. I'll deal with that when or if it happens. Let's get to the real issue here. Tell me what this morning was about, and be honest."

She is quiet for a minute, but eventually answers, "I don't know, Tris." She kicks a loose rock away from her feet and continues, "Nothing is the way it is supposed to be. NOTHING! None of it is really your fault. I know I have zero chance with Four. Until eight hours ago, I didn't think any girl did. I mean, he's hot, in that distant broody way that makes you want to make him soften up, but he has never shown any interest in anyone. This morning was a shock to more than just me."

I nod, "Ok, so it isn't about Four. Go on."

"I don't want Al, it's not about him. It was sort of about Will, but I have likely ruined any chance I had with him by going off on you this morning. Everyone circled the wagons around you to protect you, including Will. He is too nice to want to be with a bitch like me."

"Okay, so nothing is how it should be… you didn't think you'd get Four, you have no interest in Al, and you want Will, and maybe have some work to do to get back in his good graces… This still doesn't seem like enough to warrant the reaction this morning. Are you sure there is nothing else bothering you about me?"

"Honestly, Tris. I don't think this is about you at all. You were just a convenient target."

Ah! A breakthrough. "What is it really about, then?"

"I was counting on my school life to make sense this year, because my home life definitely doesn't. My dad and mom are getting divorced. We found out a couple of weeks ago that my dad has been cheating with his secretary, and got her pregnant. How cliche, right? Apparently they're going to get married and she wants the house ― it's in a good school zone," she says, rolling her eyes. "So Mom and I have to move. Kicked out of our own house by a knocked-up slut that's been screwing my dad, and I am so mad and hurt, I can't even think straight. It's so unfair. I wanted to make someone else feel like shit, so I didn't feel it for a little while, but you didn't deserve what I did to you, and I'm really sorry."

I am shocked by her revelation. I can't imagine what it must be like for her, her parents splitting up, learning her dad was cheating, and then the added shock that he is marrying his mistress and she is going to have a little brother or sister. It's horrible, without adding the insult to the injury of being pushed out of her home for her dad's new 'family.' I turn back to look at my friend, and I feel the overwhelming urge to reassure her. "You're right, I didn't deserve what you did to me. I am sorry too, Christina, about your parents and what you're going through. I wish you had just told me, but now that I understand, I can be a better friend to you."

She has tears in her eyes again, "I don't deserve that Tris, but thank you."

Christina looks up and immediately her body language changes. She stands up and shrugs her shoulders a few times, cocks her head side to side and rolls her shoulders, she wipes her face and tosses her hair back. "Do I look like I've been crying?" she asks self-consciously as she smooths some wrinkles out of her shirt.

I glance over to see Will and Four walking toward us from the school building then look back at her considering how to answer. Will is talking animatedly to Four using both of his hands and I don't think he has seen Christina and I yet. Four, on the other hand, is staring at me with his full attention. I want to be honest with Christina, but I don't think she'd appreciate full-disclosure truth right now, she still looks awful.

"Yes, I can tell you have been crying. It's been a bad day Chris, for both of us. If people knew what all you were dealing with I think they'd understand the way you look right now. The boys might not notice though, so I wouldn't worry about it." I stand up and give her a hug as the guys finally get to the car. I can tell by their expressions that they want to know what we are talking about and why we are hugging after all the horrible things that were said this morning. I will explain to Four on the way home, but to Will I just smile a little and mouth the words, 'everything is ok' over Christina's shoulder. I hope that he will let the subject drop for now. It isn't my story to tell. Christina will have to decide who she tells and how much, but I think the story will eventually come out and she will feel better for having her friends know what is really going on.

The four of us talk for a few minutes longer before Christina says goodbye and walks off to her car. Once she is out of ear-shot both of the guys turn back to me with curious expressions. I know they have both been worried about me today, Tobias especially. He didn't say it at lunch, but I know he somehow blames himself for what happened to me this morning. Will tried to be supportive and friendly in Anatomy, but it just made me feel awkward, being between him and Four and their combined supportive efforts. It made me remember what Christina said about wanting all of them, and upset me all over again.

Now I know the truth though, and the guys want to know too. Tobias still looks concerned, but his body language is more relaxed than I have seen him since lunch. Tobias takes my hand in his and squeezes, but he doesn't ask me any questions.

Will wants answers though. "Tris, it looks like you and Chris worked some things out. Did she tell you why she went off on you this morning? I don't know if I could be so civil after what she did if it were me."

I look down at my hand surrounded by Tobias', then back at Will's face. "We talked for a while and I don't think what she did this morning was really about me. She said she was sorry and I believe her."

"Just like that? You're much more forgiving than I would be."

I shrug. "Maybe, but now that I know what all she has on her plate, I am willing to let it go. No real damage done, especially because you all rallied behind me and were so supportive. I can't thank you enough for that, Will. It was really decent of you."

"Of course, Tris. We know none of the things she said were true. They were too ridiculous, really! I mean, you and Four, sure...but me and you?" He scoffs and shrugs his shoulders. "That isn't what I was trying to do when I offered help. I swear, it didn't cross my mind. I was just trying to be friendly and offering to help you with something. Four and I were just talking about that in the publishing room."

I look up at Tobias and his cheeks are tinged pink. His hand is still wrapped around mine and I swing our joined hands as I watch his face. "Really? You two were talking about me?"

I am looking at Tobias, but Will answers me instead. "I wanted to reassure Four that I wasn't trying to flirt with you that first day."

"Do you believe him?" I ask Four. "I seem to recall telling you the same thing by the fountain, and you didn't believe me."

He smirks a little and squeezes my hand gently. "I do. He was very convincing."

I know he is teasing me, implying that I myself was not convincing, but I won't bite this time. It is getting late and I am tired. It feels like this day has been a week long and I spent most of it just wanting it to be over so I could go home. Now the day is over and I can go home, but I just want to be alone with Tobias. His hand in mine is soothing and when he runs his thumb over the back of my hand it sends a little thrill up my arm. I still can't believe he likes me and we are together. Christina is right, she isn't the only one shocked by his displays of affection. I wonder at it, too.

Will checks his watch, says his goodbyes, and then heads over a couple rows to where his truck is parked. Tobias watches him walk away and then turns back to look at my face. He cocks his head to the side at a slight angle and asks me quietly if I am really ok. When I nod I see the last traces of worry leave his face. He pulls me to his chest and wraps both his arms around me in a gentle but solid embrace, resting his chin on top of my head and twisting slowly side to side. I put my arms around his back and feel so small and fragile, but also safe and cared for. It feels good to know that so many people rose to my defense today, it really is remarkable. They barely know me, and don't owe me anything, yet they didn't hesitate to stand up for me against one of their own.

After a moment holding me, Tobias takes a deep breath in, and then releases it saying, "I should get you home. I am sure you are exhausted."

"I am, and yes, we should go home, but I feel a lot better now than I did an hour ago. I am glad she was here waiting for me and we had a chance to talk. It really was just a misunderstanding, blown out of proportion by some things that have nothing to do with me." We break apart and Tobias picks up my bags from where I dropped them before sitting down with Christina. He puts them in the backseat for me along with his own backpack.

He starts the jeep and before shifting to reverse, he looks over at me. A shadow of his worried expression from before is back. "I am glad you worked it out. You have to know, Tris, that I would never intentionally risk your reputation."

I smile to reassure him, "Don't be silly, Tobias. I know that. Let's go. It's Friday, the couch and my rattiest sweats are calling my name for pizza and a movie marathon."

"Oh yeah? Speaking of sweats, I like you in my jacket."

I completely forgot that I was wearing his sweatshirt this whole time. I look down and play with the zipper. "I meant to give it back to you today, but then I ended up wearing it again after practice. At this rate you may not get it back." I am teasing, but also telling the truth. The jacket smells like him and I don't want to give it back yet.

He just smiles at that and drives me home.