DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction for which we will receive no compensation, especially since all characters belong to a different Stephenie. But this story helped save the babies, which we are all for.

Thank you for all the reviews and general adoration for this story. Thank you to Maplestyle even though I (Steph) don't get new chapters to her in time anymore. I do however schedule you for surgery and have an intern do it instead of the trained surgeon standing two feet away from her.

Chapter 30

One night after a grueling MCAT study session last spring, Bella had flopped on the couch, flipped on the TV, and found herself watching Frozen, the Disney movie that had taken over the world a few years prior. She'd had zero interest in the franchise, being an adult who hadn't been allowed to watch princess movies as a kid. But she was too tired to search for the remote and too wired to sleep, so she found herself enthralled by the adventures of Anna and Elsa.

She'd heard the movie's signature song in passing but never paid the lyrics any attention. But as Elsa started singing, one line caught Bella's attention, a line that seemed to sum up her entire life.

"Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know..."

The words hit Bella like an avalanche, and she was so struck by them that she missed the rest of the song. She would later learn those poignant words were the pivot point of the song, a farewell to the life Elsa used to live. But in the moment, Bella clung to those words and tucked them away, suspecting that although she was alone and safe at the time, she might someday need their protective armor once more.

As she sat in the back of the Lyft on her way to Olympic Med, those words ran through her mind, shielding her from the thoughts threatening to take her under. It was her first day back after her time in Connecti— after her time away, and if history was any indication, she had valid reasons to be nervous. On her first day of kindergarten, her tooth fell out, and she bled all over her yellow t-shirt. First day at UMass, she swerved to avoid a pothole and crashed into a mailbox. First day of her internship at Olympic Med, she made an enemy of Edw— Dr. Cullen, and her life changed.

My professional life, she added mentally. It's all about the job from now on.

She'd only been gone a week, but seven days was plenty of time for things to shift at the hospital. The other interns were her friends, but they've been making progress while she's been making lov—

Away, while she's been away.

Bella had to be on top of her game from the moment she walked in... and also be prepared for the possibility of scut duty from Crowley. But as the Lyft approached the hospital, Bella's heart fluttered, and she knew it wasn't for the love of the OR.

It was him. It was all because of him.

Bella closed her eyes and repeated her mantra, determined not to falter. She'd meant what she told him—she had no room or desire for Cullen's bullshit in her life, and she was sure about her decision to kick him out of hers for good. But memories were harder to control, and though it pained her to think about, Cullen had spent the last seven days branding himself on her brain and body. Every touch and sigh, every inside joke and secret shared... she would have to bury them so deep in her mind that it would seem like they never happened. Otherwise she would never survive tonight, let alone the rest of her internship.

He fucked over her heart. She'd be damned if she let him fuck up her career.

Bella got out of the Lyft with her umbrella up and her head held high, staring straight ahead as she walked into the hospital for her overnight shift. The elevator was thankfully empty as was the intern locker room. The others hadn't gotten off yet, and she breathed a small sigh of relief that she wouldn't have to see them. She just needed a few undisturbed hours to get back into her routine, and everything would be fine.

She changed quickly, threw her hair up into a ponytail, and shrugged on her lab coat. In her pockets went her notebook, pen, protein bar, and twenty bucks for the cafeteria. She met her own gaze in her locker's mirror, steeling herself.

"Conceal, don't feel," she thought. "Don't let them... don't let him know."

Slamming her locker door shut, she headed out.

She found Crowley at the third-floor nurse's station and silently stood by until he finished consulting with another doctor. He turned to her with a raised brow, surprised when she just looked at him.

"Swan."

"Dr. Crowley."

"Back in one piece, I see." He folded his arms. "I take it your trip went…"

"Fine," she said evenly. "It was fine, and I am glad to be back at work."

Crowley had expected more from her, but as she looked at him blankly, he realized she had no more to say. "Okay, well. Mrs. Tucker in Room 3019 has appendicitis, and we will be operating in an hour or so. Prep her, and you can scrub in."

Her face lit up. "Really?"

"Think of it as a welcome back present."

"Thank you, Dr. Crowley."

"Nurse Stanley has the chart." Crowley checked his watch. "I'll see you in the OR."

Crowley strutted off, and Bella gave a silent fist pump. This was just the thing she needed to get her mind right and her professional juices flowing again.

Bella waited for Jessica to get off the phone then approached her desk. "Hey, Jess. You have the chart for Mrs. Tucker?"

"I do," Jessica said, lifting up the chart with a smile but not giving it to Bella.

"Um, may I have it, please?"

"In a second." Jessica leaned over the desk. "So..."

"So?"

"You were gone last week."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I was on vacation."

"I could use a vacation too. I mean, we all could." She lowered her voice. "But most interns don't take a week off in the middle of their intern year because they get two weeks off in July after the exam."

"True," Bella said coolly. "But most interns don't sustain a major injury in the OR and have to battle post-concussive syndrome while trying to learn."

Jessica's face colors with guilt. "Right, you hit your head."

"Dr. Carlisle cleared me to come back, but after a few days, I was still run down and dizzy. I took a week off to make sure there were no lingering effects."

"You've been home all this time?"

"No. I got out of a Seattle for a change of scenery." Out of the corner of her eye, Bella caught Edward hiding behind a pillar, and she kept her voice light but loud enough for him to hear. "It was really nice to get away, but vacations aren't reality, you know? And between you and me, I like my real life exactly the way it is."

"I hear that!" Jessica cried, raising her hand for a high-five. "Girl power!"

Bella returned it with a bemused laugh. "Girl power."

Jessica handed Bella the chart with an approving nod. "You're all right, Bella. Welcome back."

"Thanks. See you later."

Bella walked in the opposite direction of the lurking Dr. Cullen, pretending not to notice him. But Jessica really didn't notice him, so when Bella was out of earshot, Jessica picked up the phone, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Hey, Ang?" she said. "Remember what we were talking about earlier? Well, that's a no-go... I just talked to Bella, and I don't know where she's been for the past week, but she wasn't with Edward... Yeah, well, I guess we got it wrong..."

Edward crept back around the corner, his heart in knots. The rumor mill would grind to a halt before it started, and Bella's reputation would be safe. He'd done the right thing, protected Swan from being associated with him, and he should feel good about it. He should feel good and wise and proud of himself.

But as his last conversation with Bella replayed in his mind, all he felt was sick and lost and ashamed.

***STYB***

"Retract a little more so I can get a better visual. Yeah, just like that," Crowley encouraged as he guided Bella through Mrs. Tucker's surgery. "Would you like to excise the appendix?"

She was so startled she almost released the retractor. "Yes, of course. Thank you."

Crowley nodded, indicating that the nurse should take over retracting. Bella joined Crowley on the left side of the surgical table, and Crowley handed her a scalpel.

"Okay," he said gently. "Very carefully clamp then excise."

Bella did as instructed and triumphantly tossed the separated organ into the basin. She heard muted cheering from the gallery and looked up to find Rose and Jake watching her surgery. There was a complex cardio surgery in the next room, and Bella was touched that they chose her boring appendectomy over that. She beamed up at them, and they clapped even louder.

Crowley looked up at them. "This isn't a Seahawks game," he scolded, though Bella could see the humor in his eyes.

"Sorry!" Jake yelled, causing everyone in the OR to wince. "I mean, sorry," he whispered.

Bella laughed, smiling at him, then spotted a certain neurosurgeon hovering at the entrance of the gallery. She couldn't read his expression from the OR floor, but his presence alone was an affront to her wishes, and she turned back to Dr. Crowley.

"And now I should..." Bella began.

"Invert the stump into the cecum," Crowley said, "but beware of tugging too hard on the purse strings or..."

"I'll have a mess on my hands."

"Exactly," Crowley said. "Now, show me."

Bella finished the surgery flawlessly. That was the word Crowley used, flawless, and Bella hummed a happy but off-key tune as she scrubbed out. She practically danced on her way to post-op to check on her patient, reveling in Mrs. Tucker's gratitude. Once all the triplicate paperwork was done, she checked on Mrs. Tucker one last time before rushing to the cafeteria to get dinner before they closed.

She nodded to a few people as she grabbed a loaded slice of pizza, some fries, and a huge brownie, needing the extra carbs and calories. Bella chose a seat by the window to enjoy the rain, spreading out her wares. She'd grabbed a magazine from the stack Rose kept at home and set it beside her tray as she tucked into her meal.

To anyone watching the young intern, they would think all was well in her world. Her time off must have done her some good, for she looked alert, rested, and more confident than they'd ever seen her. Whatever suspicions lingered about her and Cullen died on the vine as Bella dipped her fries in mayo and casually flipped through her magazine.

But all her outward concealing couldn't override her feelings, and on the inside, Bella was on fire.

She had done everything she could. She'd figured out his schedule and mapped out routes in the hospital that would keep her from running into him. She'd lucked out and scored a surgery with Crowley, the one person in the building Cullen might want to avoid more than her. By all accounts, she should not have seen him at all tonight.

But when he had ever done what she needed him to do?

How dare he eavesdrop on her conversation with Jessica? Watch her surgery from the gallery like he cared about her or her career? Hadn't he done enough? Taking her to meet his family, making her care, making her body sing night after night, only to drop her like a bad investment the moment they got back to reality?

"Conceal, don't feel," she reminded herself with a mental shake of the head. "No one knows. Stick with it. You've got this."

She sipped her soda and glanced at the clock on the wall. Her friends would be getting off soon, and Bella's stomach sank. She could fool anyone, but Rose would see right through her, and she couldn't bear to break down in front of her.

Not here. Not tonight.

A crack of thunder startled her, and Bella fleetingly wondered if it was wrong to wish for some horrible freeway accident to make her night go faster and keep her off the hospital floor. She felt guilty for the thought and modified her wish to specify no casualties or life-altering injuries. It was okay to wish for that.

As she ran her finger through the cloud of whipped cream on her brownie, she felt someone staring at her from the front. She waited a beat, pretending she didn't notice, then looked toward the entrance to the cafeteria. Two doctors in yellow scrubs were heading out, and Bella recognized the color from the pediatrics team. She shrugged, wondering if she was being paranoid, and went back to her dessert.

But had she looked in the opposite direction, Bella would have spotted a green-eyed surgeon drowning in the very sight of her.

***STYB***

Thankfully there were no catastrophes that night, but a minor fender-bender came into the ER, and Bella was paged to do sutures. She was also invited to observe an ortho case, and though she appreciated the experience, she knew that specialty wasn't for her.

After checking in with the on-call resident, Bella headed back to the third-floor nurse's station. Nurse Weber was there this time, and she and Bella chatted as Bella filled out paperwork. Angela was talking about the aquarium she'd bought herself for her birthday but kept trailing off, her gaze wandering somewhere to the left. Bella pretended to check her pager and cursed under her breath as she saw what had Angela so distracted.

Rather, who had Angela so distracted.

This time, Edward had a clipboard in hand and seemed more impatient than awkward. Bella went back to making notes, commanding her body not to react as Edward approached the desk. He stopped a mere foot away from her, and Bella felt her heart pick up speed at his nearness.

His voice seemed to quiver as he asked Nurse Weber for a certain chart, but Bella could have imagined that. She did not imagine her own discomfort when he opened the chart at the desk instead of walking away, but she kept her cool, finishing her notes and returning her chart to Angela with a bright smile.

"See you tomorrow, Ang," Bella said, walking away without waiting for a response. If Cullen looked up or acknowledged her, she didn't know. And she refused to care.

She rushed to the locker room to change her clothes, throwing her used scrubs in the laundry bin. As she laced her shoes, she began dreaming about her bed and its luxurious softness. Her one indulgence after being accepted to Olympic Med, the four-figure mattress was worth every penny and would be her best friend for the next several hours. She hadn't slept much during her vacation, and she slammed the door on the reasons why, pretending they didn't exist.

If she couldn't thank Esme for anything, she could thank her for the ability to compartmentalize. Nothing mattered unless you willed it to matter. If it got in your way or didn't serve you, sweep it under the rug or power your way over it. You were the master of your own fate, and if you let anything distract you, your failure is your fault.

Bella left the hospital that morning, grateful the downpour had mellowed to a drizzle. She snuck in the house so as not to wake a sleeping Rose, and after tossing and turning a bit, she fell asleep around noon.

At six o'clock, her alarm went off, and she sat up with a yawn, ready to do it all again. Like that song Edward had drunkenly sung to her: "Second verse same as the first..."

"No," she whispered. "Remember your mission."

Observe. Listen. Think. Advocate for the patient.

Be polite but decisive. Don't piss off the nurses.

Conceal. Don't feel. And don't let anyone know you let him get close enough to break your heart.

"Swan?"

Bella looked up to find Crowley watching her. She barely remembered getting dressed and coming here, let alone arriving outside this patient's room. "Yes?"

Crowley arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow. "Is everything all right?"

Bella smoothed a hair out of her face and smiled. "Absolutely."

*sigh* This one was tough to write. How we doing out there?

Story rec: The author of War of The Roses is back at it again with a new story, A Lie Upon Your Lips by edwardandbellabelong2gether.

Thanks for taking this crazy ride with us. We'll see you in two weeks! XO