**Trigger warning: Some graphic violence of a sexual nature is pretty prevalent in this Chapter. Read at your own risk**

Chapter 15: Severus

The next week or so had been the loneliest Severus had ever felt in his entire life. He was confident that he was doing the right thing by asking Lily to stay away from him, but it quickly became clear that a life without Lily Evans was a life without color. Everything was dull and mundane. Nothing he did seemed to help ease the feeling of melancholy and restlessness he felt since the day he turned her away from him. He managed to pass a lot of the time by shutting himself in his attic bedroom and continuing to relentlessly study Curses and Counter-Curses, but even he could only study so long before the text on the page began to blend and blur into the background.

Sometimes he caught himself wondering why she hadn't tried to come see him anyways. For how upset she'd been, he half expected her to show up at any moment and tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine after he spewed some half-hearted protest. Didn't she care? Did their friendship mean nothing? But Lily Evans never came. Of course she didn't, he told her not to, didn't he? She was only doing what he asked. This was even worse than before they had become friends, because at least back then he could watch her from a distance and imagine what it would be like to know her. Now, he couldn't even do that much. He couldn't risk catching a glimpse of her, when she knew him the way she did. Not anymore.

Severus carried on miserably, the time inching by so slowly it was practically torture. On the bright side, (if you could call it a 'bright side,') he had at least been successful in avoiding Tobias. In fact, he had been so careful he hadn't so much as caught a trace of his father since the night he dragged Severus back from Lily's house. He was certain when they did cross paths however, it wasn't going to be pretty, (it seldom ever was...) so his plan was to avoid him like the plague until Tobias had a chance to forget about what happened. He figured maybe another week or so. Another week, and he could maybe think about lowering his defenses a little.

The sky was a grim and foreboding shade of grey. Thick clouds smothered the sun until the brilliant rays of translucent gold were snuffed out entirely, leaving nothing but somber tones and a cool chill on the air. Severus stood in the yard with his feet planted firmly on the ground, hip-width apart, in his usual defensive stance. He scrunched his face in concentration, his expression one of careful deliberation as he scrutinized his opponent. Eileen was also poised, but instead of the widened berth of defensive magic, she had drawn herself in tight, ready for the attack. The unlikely pair of duelers gazed at one another with intense, scrutinizing eyes while the world remained unnaturally still and silent all around them.

"I ain't about to go easy on you, Severus," Eileen taunted from her position near the back of the house. "It won't do neither of us no good if you can't defend yourself against something real."

Severus's eyes narrowed and a thin, menacing smile twisted his lips. Good. Let her try. He had been studying. Severus had a sneaking suspicion-

Maybe it was more than that

-That his mother was looking for an excuse to vent her frustration at the growing tension that accumulated between the two of them ever since his Aunt Vesta unexpectedly showed up and tried to whisk him away. Since the night he was dragged from Lily's house. Since his accidental magic. He wouldn't mind taking out some of his own frustrations, if truth be told. He clenched his fists, and his toes dug themselves taut into the bottoms of his too-thin shoes, as he waited. Waited for her to show any sign of movement. When she did, he'd be ready for her. His mind prodded the edges of her consciousness, searching for clues. It took a lot of concentration, but he would be crazy not to utilize every tool at his dispense. Only a fool would ignore such a talent. Especially given its useful and, no doubt, vast hidden potential.

"PETRIFI-"

But Severus was ready. He whirled into action, his mind feverishly going over the complicated wand movements as it simultaneously cried out: Protego! There was a great rush of energy as Severus connected with his magic, drawing upon it until it swelled and flowed like electricity through him. There was a great whoosh and his mother's spell deflected off an invisible barrier that instantly manifested itself in front of Severus, ricocheting wildly back the way it had come. Eileen shrieked and dove to the ground as the rogue spell blasted into the wall behind her, whizzing just past her ear with a noise like an angry insect.

Severus seized the opportunity and cast a second spell, while Eileen was still distracted. There was another surge that erupted from within him and a loud Bang! A sharp intake of breath from between clenched teeth told him that the spell had hit its mark. He grinned triumphantly.

Eileen jumped to her feet indignantly and muttered a quick "Reparo" pointing her wand at the broken fragments of wall that littered the grass. They flew back into the air and settled themselves back into place as though nothing had happened. She was gripping herself tightly above the wrist as she whirled around, her face contorted with anger.

"SEVERUS! Did I tell you to produce a stinging jinx?" she cried shrilly. "You was supposed to shield yourself, no more 'n that!" Her fingers were absentmindedly rubbing at the spot where the jinx had struck her, all the while the skin underneath her rapidly moving fingertips turned a bright and angry red. Still, her eyes never left her son's. "You coulda hurt me!"

This sudden outburst of anger was something Severus had not been expecting. When he successfully defended himself, wandless, for the first time since they started these stupid lessons, he had half a mind to expect his teacher to be at least a little proud. No, not just his teacher...his own goddamn mother! Not this. Far from this. What did she want from him? Gods, the woman was infuriating.

"I thought-" Severus began through gritted teeth. "That you wanted me to defend myself."

"With a shield spell, NOT with a shield spell AND a jinx!" Eileen retorted waspishly.

"Well, what's the point of just tossin' up a shield spell? That's not going to stop your opponent! They'll just keep attacking you, won't they? Besides-" Severus said darkly. "You were aiming to hurt me…"

"Severus Snape, now you know I would never-. What we're doing here is for your own good!"

"Spare me!" Severus spat. "You think I don't know...you think...y-you dare…" he was beginning to shake with rage. "I've had enough. I'm done." He whirled around on his heel and began to stalk away, leaving Eileen gaping, open-mouthed after his retreating, slender form.

"Severus! Don't you walk away from me! We are NOT finished until I says so!" Eileen called after him, recovering quickly. "Sev!"

But Severus continued to ignore her as he swept away. He couldn't stand it. He didn't want to be anywhere near her. He remembered the way he felt as he probed against her thoughts. There was an urgency, which was to be expected in light of the duel, but there was also an undeniable desire to lash out. It was just shrouded by the delusion that it was purely for his benefit. Yet, there it was. On some level, she wanted to strike out at him just like his old man had always done. The idea further fragmented his fragile spirit and all at once a crippling loneliness overtook him, causing him to stumble and fall.

He sniffed angrily, but he refused to take it. He struck out at the ground, spraying bits of dirt with his fist as he pushed himself back to his feet with renewed determination. He was stronger than this. Hadn't he survived far worse? Hadn't he always prided himself on his perseverance and his innate ability to endure whatever was thrown at him, no matter the cost? He was Severus fucking Snape and he wasn't going to let something like this destroy him, Lily be damned.

A rustling in the trees had him whipping around with conviction, his body slipping easily back into his defensive stance. A ginger tabby cat emerged timidly from the brush, it's tail flicking as its amber eyes surveyed the figure in front of it. Severus let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding and felt his muscles relax.

It's only a cat.

Severus stared at it, transfixed. Its coat was a bit matted from the dense undergrowth of the trees. Burrs clung tightly to its haunches and it had a small scratch across the bridge of its nose. Probably from a scrap with another cat, Severus thought solemnly. If he looked close enough, he could see pebbles of dirt trapped within the cat's thinning undercoat and he knew that it was filthy with dust. The cat was terribly skinny. He could easily count the ribs that stretched against its furry hide like a living skeleton. An overwhelming sense of pity overtook him as he watched the pitiful creature.

He knelt down carefully and stretched out his hand, attempting to coax the cat from the edge of the trees. The cat's thin ears flattened against its skull and it crouched down low in the tall grass, hackles raised.

"Tsk-tsk-tsk. here, cat. You're alright. Easy," he crooned softly, inching closer.

The cat was motionless except for its tail, which began to thrash rapidly back and forth sweeping across the dirt and fallen leaves.

Severus sighed. He couldn't believe what he was about to do, but if he could just calm it down enough for it to realize- He stared deep into the ambered eyes of molten honey. Concentrated deeply on the swirling specks of rich gold that were flecked intermittently within the glassy orbs. Peered straight into the endless black of its dilated pupils, so deep he feared he might fall in and never return.

He reached out with his mind, and gently began to press against the boundaries of the cat's consciousness. It was strange. Primal. The alienness of it almost caused him to retreat, but he held his focus, all the while his heart beating wildly against his ribs. Beads of sweat peppered his forehead, as he wrestled with this strange, new obstacle. Prodding carefully past the barrier of the cat's mind, he saw flashes of trees, bushes, and grass or the occasional bird, as though he were a lot smaller than the average 11-year old boy. Shrunk down to an impossible size. Then the visions slowed and settled, and he realized with a jolt that he was seeing himself...but the image was warped, like he was seeing himself from the bottom of a cold and icy lake. If he didn't already know what to expect, he may have mistaken the figure for someone else entirely. But it was undeniably Severus Tobias Snape that stood tall and strangely distorted in front of him.

No sooner had this version of himself appeared, when a dark, ominous feeling of dread washed over him in waves and settled itself in the pit of his stomach. Severus understood this to mean that the tabby cat was...afraid of him. Very afraid. It must not have been treated very kindly in the past. What else could cause such a violent reaction of emotional distress? Underneath that was a raw, fathomless and nearly insatiable hunger. It was like peeling away the layers of an onion. The first layer is the easiest to peel. Then the next. Each layer thickening until it grew increasingly difficult to separate the further on you went. He realized that the cat was starving. Quite literally. With sheer determination of will, Severus tried to summon up all the feelings of warmth and comfort that existed somewhere inside himself so he could at least attempt to put the cat at ease. Maybe if he could manage THAT much-

He drew on old memories of Lily. The times that she had been his reprieve. No. More than that. When she had been his friend. His BEST friend. His only friend. The only one he'd ever needed. He tried to remember what it was like to be with her. How she made him feel. He bottled it from within, as though he could put a mental stopper over it and trap it there before it had a chance to spill over and envelope him completely. He then projected it outwards, as best he could, against the opposing force of instinctual terror coming from the fuzzy creature before him. The cat remained crouched low on its haunches, eyeing him suspiciously, but he thought he saw the fronts of its paws relax a little as though it were trying to lie down rather than spring forward at the slightest indication of movement. That was something.

Severus withdrew his mind from the cat as gently as possible so as not to startle it. He wasn't sure if doing so was something the cat would be aware of, but he did it anyway, as an extra precaution. As he continued to stare at the creature in front of him he realized with overwhelming certainty that he knew exactly how this poor creature felt. He knew what it was like to be so terrified you don't know where you found the strength to draw breath. And he understood the hunger. Not just for food. Though yes, he understood that too, but more than that, a hunger for acceptance. A hunger for love. For human connection. For Lil- friendship. He understood all too well.

Unshed tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he stood up. If he could ease this cat's suffering, even for a moment, he'd do it. Nothing deserves to feel this way. He just hoped that the gentle caresses of thought were enough to put the cat at ease, even just a bit. It shouldn't have to be afraid. He just wished he could do more, but for now, that would have to do. He offered the ginger cat a timid smile before he carried on his way, his mind a blur of old memories and forgotten comforts.

Severus' shuffling feet crunched heavily against the sun-worn grass as he made his way into downtown Cokeworth. His bowed head felt full to bursting with troubled thoughts and bittersweet memories, but since he had nothing better to do, he figured he may as well try to earn a bit of spare change. What he could scrape up for their supper would depend almost entirely on how much he managed to earn, but one glance up the nearly deserted street made him realize that he would be lucky if he could fetch some dry bread. He breathed in deeply and sauntered his way over to his usual haunt outside the tiny grocery.

He waited. Ten minutes passed. Then fifteen. Time continued to slip slowly past until he had been standing in the same spot, unmoving, for nearly an hour. Suddenly, the door to the grocery flew wide open, and a small, seedy looking woman emerged, fumbling with three large, overly stuffed paper bags. A tin fell out from the top of one of them and rolled towards Severus. He stooped to pick it up.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," he began timidly. "I-I think you dropped this. Do you need help?" he asked, extending the tin and trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.

"Good heavens child, you gave me a fright!" the lady exclaimed, peering at him from between her large paper sacks, her eyes examining him through thickened spectacles. "Yes, yes of course. I don't know what I was thinking, buying all this in one trip-" She hastily dropped one of the heavy sacks into Severus' outstretched hand that was still holding the tin. He barely had time to tuck it safely into his fist before the bag's awkward weight was thrust clumsily into his arms. "-Oh I could just kill my mother for being right. 'Gracie, you needs to find you a man,' she says. 'Let him do the heavy lifting, you're much too fragile in your condition.'" The woman imitated in an unflattering falsetto. "Wiggy old cow, she'll be the death of me-". The woman let another of the large sacks fall into Severus's arms far too quickly, and he struggled to keep hold of it as it fell. "Now let's see, where did I-" she muttered softly, her eyes scanning the street as she nestled the remaining bag more comfortably into the crook of an arm. "Ah, yes-" she said brightly. The woman began marching dutifully towards a small blue Volkswagen Beetle, pulling out a set of jangling silver keys from her pocket as she went.

Severus hurried after her, the forgotten tin in his fist making it difficult to keep a steady grip on the paper sacks in his arms. The woman named Gracie didn't seem to notice though, she was still muttering to herself, the words lost on the air before ever managing to reach him. She stopped abruptly and fumbled with the car door before ripping it open and narrowly missing Severus, who jumped aside. Her upper body disappeared into the backseat and she resurfaced empty handed.

"-until it's all I can do not to throttle her myself," the woman continued breathlessly. She stood for a moment as though lost in thought. She looked around and seemed genuinely surprised to see Severus still standing there with his arms full of groceries. "Good heavens boy, you gave me a fright!...well don't dawdle. In they go. Right- there's a good lad," she said once he, too, had re-emerged from the back seat.

There was a faint jingle of door chimes from somewhere across the road and a family of four stepped onto the curb from a nearby department store. Severus glanced in their direction, an instinctual side-effect when you lived with a person like Tobias Snape. The parents were already a few feet up the street, their children lingering behind like wild ducklings. Two girls, one older, one younger. One with dusty brown hair and one-

Oh God.

-the other with fiery red hair and green eyes. Lily Evans had just popped up out of nowhere from across the way. Mere feet separated the distance between the two of them. That was all. He was all together too close but entirely too far away. He wanted to run from her. To hide. But yet another part of him yearned to call out her name, willing those green eyes to meet his. For a moment he forgot where he was, and what he was doing as she overtook his entire existence, clouding his senses and stunning his brain from coherent thought.

"Son?..."

The two pale faces turned in his direction...actually saw him where he stood rooted to the spot, as though suspended in time. He couldn't move. For an instant, green eyes met black, and this was it. This was the part where she would come running up to him and tell him she didn't want to be apart any more. That they should go back to being friends. He wouldn't be able to take it, because he missed her too. Of course he did, he'd never been so lonely. All of his happiness was with her and she took it with her when he left. Now it was back, it could be back. All she had to do was ask and he would give in. He knew it. He was too weak. Far too weak. Seeing her made that clear to him now.

"Boy?…"

The elder of the two girls grabbed the other's wrist and there was a whispered exchange between the two of them. Lily's expression darkened as she listened to her sister's words in her ear, her eyes still lingering on the spot where Severus stood. Her brow gathered together and an expression of haughty dislike crossed her face. She promptly stuck her nose up in the air and stalked off after her parents, determined to ignore the boy across the street. The Muggle girl shot him a sour look of utter disgust before she too turned and left, following along in her sister's wake.

The exchange left him feeling worse than ever. The woman, witnessing this, nodded in the direction the girls had disappeared up the street.

"Girl trouble?"

Severus grunted something incomprehensible and thrust the tin he was still holding into the woman's hands. She smiled a pitying sort of smile. Severus wished that she wouldn't. He already felt horribly, and the woman's pitying gaze was not helping him to feel the least bit better.

"Ack! I almost forgot!" the woman cried suddenly, digging around inside her coat pocket. She emerged with a modest selection of coins wrapped tightly in her fist. She looked at the change a bit sadly and then pressed the coins into the palm of Severus' hand. "I'm sorry I don't have more to give you son," she said quietly, "but it's all I got left. Don't let them get to yeh. It's their loss, right?" she said a bit too brightly.

"Yeah- right."

"Hey, you gonna be ok?" she asked, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. "It's just... I don't want to leave yeh if you're in some sort of state."

Severus nodded, eager to be rid of her. He didn't need her worry, and he certainly didn't need her pitying stare either. She could keep her sad doe-eyes to herself. He was perfectly capable of being alone. He'd been doing it for years. Perhaps he was even better off that way. He didn't want her to think him ungrateful, but the assumption that he couldn't handle something as trivial as this only made the humiliation burn hotter on his cheeks. He wasn't some helpless child, he could take care of himself.

"Yes'm," he croaked, fixing her with a serious gaze. He hoped it would be enough to convince her to leave. The woman hesitated a moment, nodded once and got into the Volkswagen. Severus watched her pull away, the car rattling all the way up the street until it took a corner and vanished from sight. Thank God that was over. He opened his hand to count the coins the woman had left him. She was right, it wasn't much. In fact it wasn't enough to buy much of anything. Except maybe-

He walked into the small grocery, his hands shoved deep inside his over large pockets. He withdrew his hand and counted the small assortment of coins once more, just to be sure. His eyes scanned the aisles until he found what he was looking for. An assortment of tinned fish lined the shelves. He searched the thin labels, his black eyes darting between the product and the bold numbers beneath them. He sighed. It looked like it wouldn't be enough after all. Perhaps he could just hold on to his meager earnings for a while until they could join a more profitable transaction. As long as he could hide them from Tobias, that is. The thought made him more than a little uncomfortable. He turned to leave and nearly walked head first into a large man with a pinstripe apron who just so happened to be standing right behind him. The man smiled genially at him as Severus froze mid step to avoid a head on collision with the man's protruding belly.

"How's that girl o' yours?"

"Wh-what?" Severus stammered, some color dotting his cheeks. The man scrutinized the small boy in his oversized jacket and ancient yellowing frock. He rubbed his stubbled chin in contemplation.

"Are you headed out already? Weren't you going to buy anything?"

"No, sir," Severus replied softly, staring down at his feet.

The man seemed to understand why the small boy in front of him was about to head home without making a purchase. He looked back towards his stall with its flowers in disorderly disarray and made a soft humming noise deep in the back of his throat.

"That so?" he murmured distractedly. "Could use a bit o' help at the stand," he said as though to himself, casting a sideways glance in Severus' direction when there was no reply. "I wouldn't ask you to work for free o' course," he added hastily. "I'm an honest man and I'll pay you an honest wage in exchange for any work you can spare." He looked Severus up and down as though inspecting him. "'Sides I could use a young man's strength. Ain't so young myself anymore, but you didn't hear that from me." He shot Severus with a cheeky grin.

Severus was wrought with determination and he stiffly nodded in agreement. The man in the apron beamed and steered Severus by the shoulders toward the chaotic field of blooming color that was spreading infectiously outwards from the modest stall. The next couple of hours flew by in a whirl of sweat and blossoms. It was hot inside the stall, and Severus wound up removing his coat just so he wouldn't pass out. The aproned man kept him plenty busy organizing the spreading mosaic of flora overtaking the stand. Then, when that task was finished, sweeping the floors, and packing the nursery with fresh compost. Severus was just finishing wiping down the counter tops when the man finally broke the silence.

"Did she like it?"

"Pardon?"

"The Lily. Your girl... your friend. Her name was Lily wasn't it? How did she like the flower you brought her? You did give it to her, didn't you?"

"Oh- right. Yeah... I guess so."

"What's the matter, didn't she like it?"

"Oh, she liked it. But it don't matter. That relationship is...over." Severus looked down, examining his hands. His fingers flexing and unflexing just to give them something to do so he wouldn't have to meet the man's eye. He choked a little on the word 'over,' and his eyes stung with the tears he refused to shed.

The man frowned. "What do you mean over? She told you she didn't want to be friends no more?"

Severus shrugged, still staring at his hands. "Not exactly...I was the one who told her we can't be friends."

The man's fingers drummed rhythmically against the polished counter top, his other hand high on his hip as he contemplated Severus' words. "You decided you no longer enjoy her company?"

"No! Not at all! I mean- no, I don't not like her company. Er- what I mean is, I do enjoy her company. Very much," he stammered.

The man raised an eyebrow. "Then how come you told the little lady not to hang around you anymore?"

"It's...complicated."

The man's head bobbed along as though in sarcastic agreement while his expression was one of total bemusement. "O' course, what could be more complicated 'n that? You like her, she likes you, therefore it makes perfect sense for the two o' you to stop seeing one another." The man surveyed Severus' defeated demeanor from the corner of his eye and sighed deeply. "Look, I know I don't know much about you or her or whatever your situation may be, but I do know one thing. It don't make a lick o' sense for two people who enjoy each other's company not to spend time with one another. You care for the girl, don't you?"

"Yes! O-of course I do!"

The man approached the boy and knelt down in front of him until they were eye level. "Then that should be the simplest thing in the world." He took one of Severus' hands and pressed a dark pouch into it, pushing the small fingers closed until Severus was clutching it tightly in his fist. Then he stood up and turned away, leaving the boy to sort through his own thoughts. Severus opened his hand to reveal a lumpy pouch full of coins. His newly earned wages. He thanked the man's back and, pouch in hand, left to do what he had come to do...and maybe then some.

Severus began tracing the familiar trail back home, his own paper bag tucked safely in the crook of one thin arm. It was a modest assortment of groceries, all together too practical and strategically combined to be the handiwork of an average 11-year old boy. But there it was. The evidence of being forced to grow up too quickly under Tobias Snape's roof, and it was all tucked away innocently into the confines of one small paper bag. All, that is, save for two discreetly selected items.

The first, was one of the tins of fish he had been eyeing when he first entered the store. He had hoped to leave it out for the tabby cat he passed on his way into town. He couldn't ignore that all-consumable hunger he felt when he pressed against the cat's consciousness, it was just too horrible. The second item was just for him. Normally he wouldn't spend money on things he didn't need, but he earned more than he was used to, and suddenly that made it all ok. Because that was just it. He'd earned it.

Soon he found himself near the spot where he'd seen the ginger tabby and he slowed to a steady halt. He stared at the place near the brush where the cat had first appeared, a small frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. The cat was nowhere to be seen. He placed the small bag of groceries on the ground and plopped himself down on the grass. This spot wasn't exactly heavy in foot traffic. In fact, Severus was pretty sure he was one of the few that ever took this path, so he felt quite comfortable parking it here.

He rummaged inside the sack and pulled out the tin of fish, peeling back the tab until the flaky, pink pieces of flesh were well exposed. He then placed it on the ground and proceeded to nudge the can as far away from himself as he could manage, using his foot to guide it along the ground. When his leg was fully extended, he gave the can a small tap with his foot to propel it forward an extra inch or so.

Satisfied, he withdrew so he could sit comfortably again, his hand delving back inside the paper bag as he prepared to wait. He pulled out a bright yellow package that read "Jelly Babies," in vivid red font. It was one of the snacks that Lily had shared with him on their first day together. He tore into the package, allowing a few of the colorful sugar coated shapes to tumble out onto his palm. He popped the first one in his mouth, relishing in both its sweetness and its sentiment.

For a while nothing happened. Severus sat alone in the grass slowly consuming the Jelly Babies one by one. It didn't matter anyway, it wasn't like he was needed elsewhere. He was perfectly content to sit here by himself until the small sugared sweets turned warm and soft in the summer sun.

An odd reflection appeared from somewhere near the end of his vision and Severus glanced up to see the same large, amber-colored eyes he had seen earlier that same day. The cat was beginning to creep forward, obviously far too tempted by the overpowering aroma of fish to ignore its famished stomach. It was watching him cautiously, but seemed far less concerned with the boy the closer it drew to the tin.

Soon the cat was much too consumed by the feast in front of it to pay Severus any mind. The can scraped along the ground as the cat pushed it's nose all the way inside, trying to lick up every last morsel with its textured tongue. Severus watched, a small smile tracing his lips. Good. He was glad it was eating. He popped the last Jelly Baby into his mouth and chewed slowly, allowing the sugar to melt on his tongue, filling his mouth with explosive flavor. He felt a little happier after the candy, and the cat's reappearance left a sweet tinge that had nothing to do with Jelly Babies. Satisfied he stretched and prepared to head the rest of the way home.

Just as he was about to stand however, he felt something brush up against him. The cat, after eating the entire contents of the tin, had abandoned its post and was now bumping its head against one of Severus' knobbly knees. A little taken aback, Severus reached out to scratch underneath the cat's furry chin. The cat responded with renewed vigor, trying very hard to rub up against every part of the boy's body it could reach. Severus smiled despite himself as he scratched the cat lightly behind the ears, its tail twitching with delight.

"Don't mention it," Severus said, grinning as he scratched the base of the cat's stiffened tail. The cat mewed and purred affectionately. It leapt lightly into his lap, its front paws flexing with contentment. "You were hungry huh?" The cat's paws were now going to work on the hem of his coat, kneading away happily.

"You just need someone looking out for you, is all. You just need a friend." Severus said, stroking the cat's matted fur gently. "I bet people think you're a nuisance don't they? But you're just out here trying to survive like anyone else." He looked down, fixing the cat with a saddened expression. "I'm sorry…" he said seriously. "You deserve a chance. You deserve to do more than just survive. You deserve to live."

Tears came flooding into his strikingly dark eyes quite unexpectedly. He had not been prepared for them, hadn't even realized he'd been holding them back. All at once his thin shoulders shook with the kind of silent sobs that rattled you to your very core, and he felt he was at a complete and utter loss. "What are we gonna do?..." he asked the purring ginger cat nuzzled contentedly in his lap.

The cat looked innocently up at him, oblivious to his distress, or maybe...it was doing just what it needed to do. This only renewed his anguish, and he wrapped his arms tightly around the creature trying to find some solace in it, burying his face deep into its tangled fur. The tears that fell onto its back stained it into a deeper mahogany, but the cat never struggled, or tried to escape from the boy's sturdy grasp. It simply was. As though the cat understood his needs just as well as Severus had understood its own.

Soon the shaking in his shoulders slowed and ceased, and Severus calmed down enough to take a few deeply grounding breaths. He hadn't realized how much time had passed, but the sun was beginning to sink ever lower in the twilit sky and he knew he couldn't put off going home for much longer. Wiping at his eyes he finally stood up, putting the cat carefully back on the ground, giving it one final apologetic stroke. Just one foot in front of the other, he thought. One foot, and then the next, and the rest should follow easily.

He scooped up his remaining groceries and began with a single step. One foot. Then the next. One foot. Then the next. He found his rhythm, and he was right. When you got going it was a lot easier to keep moving. No sooner had Severus begun stalking towards Spinners End then he realized he had company. The ginger cat was plodding alongside him. Severus groaned deep in his throat.

This can't happen-

"I'm sorry, I can't be the one who looks out for you. My Da...he'll kill you if he finds out. Probably kill us both." Severus attempted to shoo the cat away with his foot. "It's for your own good, I swear." When the cat did nothing but stare at him curiously, Severus started off once more. Again, the cat bounded after him, bobbing along merrily at his ankles. On second thought, it might be nice to have company for just a little while longer-

Once Severus had reached the home stretch however, he thought it about time for his furry companion to finally be on its way. He simply couldn't put it off any longer. The cat had to go. It was selfish that he let it follow him this far. "Shoo, cat!" Severus said sternly, making to scare it off. The cat just stared at him, unblinkingly. He picked up a nearby stone. He had no intention of throwing it at the critter of course, he just wanted to scare it away. Sometimes you had to resort to rather unorthodox methods to achieve your goals.

He glanced down at the stone in his hand just as he was about to throw it and was horrified to find it smeared with thick crimson blood. He yelped in alarm, tossing the stone away from him in disgust. There was a loud hiss nearby, and Severus looked up just in time to see the cat streaking away towards the edge of the trees. Severus stared after it miserably. Honestly, it was better this way, but it didn't make him feel any less awful about it. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling hopelessly guilty. He thought about how much worse it would make him feel if the stone had actually struck the cat. He hoped that wasn't the case. Hoped that it wasn't he who was responsible for shattering the cat's body on top of its spirit, but he had to know for sure-

He approached the discarded stone apprehensively. There it sat, nestled between the grass and dirt as though this had always been its resting place. It looked quite ordinary. No blood stained the roughened surface. No blood.

No blood…

Severus frowned at the stone. He must be going mad, because he could swear that he saw-

Blood.

He shook violently, thumping the heels of his hands against his temples to snap himself out of it. An icy chill slid down his spine as he contemplated the situation. "I think I am going mad," he said softly. Now there was nothing left to do but go home.

Too soon Severus found himself at his own front door, the rickety wooden plank the only thing standing between him and whatever awaited him on the other side. He knew he had taken a very serious risk coming home at this late hour. He had even considered leaving the bag on the doorstep and finding somewhere to hide for a few more hours...just in case Tobias was home. But his recent vision with the stone had disturbed him so greatly that it muddled his good senses and he naively discerned that it would be alright. Tobias would already be passed out on the couch or he would be fine, because Tobias had forgotten all about that night at Lily's. It was fine. He was going to be fine.

As quietly as he could manage, he turned the handle and walked through the door to the other side, straight into the belly of the beast. He crept inside trying to look in every direction at once. He had barely stepped over the threshold when he heard a rough, raspy voice call out in the gloom.

"SEV? That you, boy?"

Fuck.

"That you, boy?!" the voice called even louder.

"Y-yes." Severus choked, hurrying over to the kitchen table and setting down his small parcel of goods in the hopes that his father might overlook it. Tobias appeared around the corner, his bleary eyes were shot veiny red and his shirt was left unbuttoned revealing a greying undershirt that was covered in faded yellow stains. He reeked of drink.

Severus realized with some satisfaction that the effects of his earlier outburst left Tobias with physical traces. The skin on his face appeared pock-marked, like he had ancient scarring from an old case of the chicken pox or some other nasty skin infection. Judging by how long it had been though, it was unlikely that this damage would be permanent. Shame.

"The fuck you been hidin' boy? Had ur Mum all riled up. She dun' give me a moments fuckin' peace. Did ya Eileen?" Tobias called raising his voice to make sure Eileen could hear him too. "Tobi, I havn't seen Sev since this mornin'. Tobi, did ya see Sev when you came in? Tobi, when's Sev comin' home?" Tobias mocked in a high-pitched voice. " Bleedin' fuckin' hell woman-"

Tobias' heavily lidded eyes slid back toward his son, then at the table where the bag was sitting innocently. "The fuck is all this?" he said, gesturing at it. He fixed Severus with an icy glare, warning him not to move as he plunged his heavy hand into the bag and started pulling up groceries. Potatoes. Corn. Rolls. Tinned peas. Meat. He brandished a carton of orange juice in his direction. "Where'd ya get all this from then, eh?" Tobias took a moment to survey the boy in front of him. Severus wasn't meeting his eye. "Ya dirty thievin' little rodent-" Tobias began dangerously.

"I didn't steal it. I earned it!" Severus shot back carelessly.

"That so? What could a helpless little runt like you do to earn enough for all this? 'Less you was doin' it on ur knees. That right, boy? Is that how yous earnin' it? Like the taste o' cock in ur mouth?"

Severus' hands were balled into angry fists at his sides. Eileen had just popped her head around the corner, alerted by the sound of raised voices.

"Tobi, what's going on? Sev! You're home!" she cried stepping out from the bedroom. "I was worried sick!"

"Makes me sick too Eileen," Tobias interjected, never taking his eyes off of his son. "Wait 'till you hear what he's been doin' to earn these here foodstuffs." His eyes narrowed and an evil smirk crossed his lips.

"I didn't," Severus protested angrily. "I earned it helping out at the flower stand!"

Tobias rolled his eyes. "Oh, much better," he said sarcastically. Even if yous not suckin' cock now, keep workin there an' you will be. Just a matter o' time. What do ya mean by brigin' all this home anyway? I am the one who puts food on this table," he said smacking the tabletop hard for emphasis.

"Oh yes, and you're doing such a good job of it," Severus replied sarcastically.

"What did you jus' say to me, boy?"

"Maybe if you could keep your grimy hands off a bottle of tonic for one night I wouldn't have to. But you can't, can you?"

"Why you little- you dun dare talk to yer Da like that! I'll teach you some fuckin' respect you little shit whorin' cocksucker." Tobias advanced on Severus who was firmly standing his ground. But suddenly Eileen was between them, her hands pressed against Tobias' chest blocking him from reaching her son.

"Tobi," she crooned gently. "Don't worry about Sev right now. How I've missed you." She pecked his cheek tenderly. "I've been waiting for you all day." she purred, nuzzling against his stubbled cheek.

Severus felt sickened, but Eileen's ploy was definitely working. Tobias was currently more concentrated on her than him.

"But Eileen, I needs 'im to learn a lesson, he can't talk to me that way."

Eileen pouted her lip and shook her head in agreement. "No, he can't. You can deal with him later. Deal with me first," she pleaded. "I needs you Tobi-"

Oh God. Bleeding fucking Christ.

Tobias chuckled drunkenly. "Oh, you needs it bad don't you Eileen?" Tobias grinned, running his hands over her shoulders and sliding them clumsily over her breasts. "Alright, I'll deal with you first," he growled against her ear. Seizing her waist he thrust her around until she was bent double over the kitchen table. Severus was horrified at the scene currently playing itself out in front of him. Some of the groceries had flown off the table when Eileen made contact with it. The carton of Orange Juice had split open, noiselessly blubbering out orange liquid. He didn't know what to do, how to help, or how to stop it. This couldn't be what his mother wanted. She was just doing it to protect him. She had to be. This was all his fault. Oh Gods, this wasn't happening-

Tobias was kicking Eileen's legs apart, simultaneously bunching up her skirts as he hastily began to unfasten his belt. Sadistically he glanced towards Severus, still frozen to the spot in shock and fear. "Stay. You might learn somethin,'" he grinned. Severus met his mother's panic-stricken gaze. A stare that was somehow terrified and vacant at the same time. Oh yes, she was miles away behind her eyes. He didn't need to concentrate to hear her next screaming thought.

"GO! NOW!"

Severus tore his eyes away from her and fled.

None of this was real. None of this was actually happening right now, right? Severus was tearing away from the house at top speed, his legs were growing numb from the rapid acceleration used to carry him further and further away. The looming clouds rumbled quietly overhead, as though in disagreement. Afraid not. This was happening, and he, Severus, was running away.

He felt sick. So sick. His mother was back there still. Tobias was doing God knows what to her. He couldn't get the image out of his head. The twisted smile. The fumbling belt. His mother's eyes. Oh God, that had been the worst. And a hideous voice echoing over and over Stay. You might learn somethin'.

Severus pelted through the grass and into the brush as the first few droplets of rain began spitting sporadically from the sky. He already knew where his instincts were guiding him. Perhaps even knew before he had ever thought of fleeing the house. The rain was now starting to fall thick and wet, dotting Severus' coat with the sort of condensation that sits on top of fabric rather than soak into it. Just a little further. Just a little further and then he could try and decide what to do next.

And there it was, silhouetted against a backdrop of lofty trees and tumbling rain. Pine Peak. He put on an extra burst of speed as the rain started pelting faster, dampening his lank hair while the runoff attacked his vision. Upon approaching the tiny shelter, he practically dove headlong into the tiny covert, snatching up one of the hanging blankets and wrapping it around himself tightly. He was panting from the exertion, but the longer he waited, the more he realized the panting had nothing to do with exercise. He began gasping for air as though his lungs could never be satiated with the amount of oxygen he was shoving into them. He started to rock back and forth out of pure instinct, his body's reaction to the hideousness of the last half an hour. His heart wasn't slowing. His breath wasn't slowing. Is this what drowning in air feels like?

What was he supposed to do? How could he have left her? He was terrified of what was happening back at home. Haunted by the scene he could no longer burn from his memory. Ashamed that he had obeyed and vanished when he could have stayed and fought. He was sure he could have intervened. Certainly he'd read enough to hone his skills against the likes of someone like Tobias. He was just a Muggle after all, and he'd been practicing...studying. This was all wrong, and how could he have left her? HOW COULD HE HAVE LEFT HER?

Severus curled into a tight ball on the floor, throwing the blanket over himself until he was completely encased beneath it like a cocoon. It was there he started to sob. He was so fucking terrified and so fucking sorry. He wished he had Lily there with him. Someone who gave a shit about him. What was she doing right now when he needed her so badly? Needed to hear her tell him it was going to be ok. Needed to feel her touch against his skin just to make sure that he was still alive. That this wasn't a dream, or a vision, or literal hell. He needed her more now than he had ever needed anyone ever and where was she?

Lily…

A splashing sound like footsteps in the rain.

I'm imagining things- I'm starting to hallucinate. I'm just going mad...like before.

But Severus chanced a look out from beneath his blanket anyway. Chanced a look out never really believing in a million years that it could be the one person he wanted to see more than anything. But there was someone. A shadow standing stark still and silhouetted against the curtains of rain, a hint of vibrant red the only thing distinguishable in the roaring gloom.

A/N: Ohhh heeeeey. I know! It's been a crazy long time right? I bet a lot of you thought that I was going to abandon this story or figured I must have wrote myself into a corner...PSYCHE! I've actually had my chapters outlined before I even started writing this fic, and the truth of the matter is that I wrote half of this chapter before I fell out of it and then got hit by multiple life related things. I will admit I did have a touch of writer's block at first, but that was cured within a few weeks after I posted Chapter 14. I just needed to find my flow and inspiration again. If you like what you're reading, you know Sev and I always appreciate any feedback. Leave me a review and its Jelly Babies for all! Much love xx