Hello, the next chapter is a little shorter than usual, but I didn't want to leave you hanging after the cliffhanger. Also some of the characters are being difficult.
Please review and make me happy.
If you recognize it, it is not mine.
They stared at each other for a while, sitting inches apart. Hawkeye was still leaning against the wall of the supply tent, looking positively cute with his messy hair and disordered clothing. Claudia was sitting to the left, hugging her knees tightly. He was waiting for her to start talking, but she was just biting her lip, obviously not sure what to say. Just her posture conveyed a lot of emotions, but Hawkeye was too distraught to identify them correctly.
"Okay. Just remember that I really like you, Hawkeye, and that we need to stay here in this tent, laying low. So no matter how angry I might make you, don't try to storm off, don't shout or whatever."
"Claudia, you're making me very nervous. Just spit it out already!"
She hesitantly took a deep breath. "Sorry. Alright. Here it is." The atmosphere was already quite eerie as they were sitting in a dark tent in middle of a bloody conflict and anytime there could be a sniper coming in, trying to earn his pay. But with changing the topic of conversation, it changed to more gloomy as well. She gently took his hands into hers and sighed, gathering her strength to force the words out. "Hawkeye, I'm dying."
For a moment she thought he didn't hear her, but the look on his face told her otherwise. He tightened his grip on her hands, and then he raised them and pressed his lips to them tenderly. He spoke so quietly, Claudia almost didn't notice his words. "W-what? How do you-? What?"
She wrapped her hands around him, bringing him close enough for her to sense his pulse sped up.
"I am sorry I didn't tell you earlier, I just couldn't."
Her eyes dropped to the floor, realizing she lacked the words to express herself clearly or better yet, to somehow help Hawkeye though the emotional turmoil he must have been going through. She felt useless. Right at that moment she hated herself. This is exactly why she planned on never getting close to anyone, because then she wouldn't have had the obligation to tell people and she wouldn't have had to see people who meant the world to her so broken and lost.
She expected despair, disbelief or maybe even anger, but not whatever this was. She had never seen him so quiet in like… well, ever. He always had to have the last word, usually couple of passive-aggressive ones that highlighted incompetence and injustice. His comments on the awfulness of reality was his way of coping with it. Seemingly he was not ready to deal with this. Cursing herself for being so selfish, she ran her hand through his hair and swung her other arm around his neck, hoping to wake some of Hawkeye's endorphins through the contact.
Sweat from their previous exercise session dampened his hair to such extent, it hid the grey hairs that were sneaking in with age. She couldn't help but notice his momentary detachment. He wasn't leaning in as usual, pressing himself against her, nor was he pushing her away. Suddenly he moved a little, pulling away just so he was able to see her face.
"How?"
"Cancer. End Stage."
His fingers lightly touched her jaw as their eyes met and she saw he was tearing up a little. His gorgeous blue eyes were swimming in a sea of tears that threatened to spill and start to run down his cheeks.
"But there are experimental treatments you can try and with your connections getting to them should be easy. Claudia, you can't give up."
"I thought you were the expert on deciding when it's futile to heal."
She regretted what she said even before she could see his sad eyes flash with anger. For some reason her stupid mouth seemed to have a mind on her own at the moment, and that mind was determined to inflict pain. Maybe it was a sick sense of pride, because he was questioning her ability to make an informed decision about a medical issue, even if it was out of love. Wait, what? Love? She surprised herself by thinking that word. They were getting closer with each day, but… now was not the time to ponder anyway.
"I'm sorry, Hawkeye. I shouldn't have said that and I didn't even mean it. I just… It's all too much."
He nodded slightly, still tracing the lines of her face with his fingers and sensing her rapid shallow breathing. Slowly leaning towards her, he prepared to taste her lips again. As always she tasted exquisite, instantly waking up his libido. He came on a little stronger, tipping her head back a little and letting his hands wander around her body. He closed his eyes in relish, trying to get lost in the moment. It didn't go particularly well, because his mind kept thinking of the news she delivered him.
"I wished you would have told me before, so yes, I am pretty upset, but I don't want to waste one minute I can spend with you."
"Hawkeye?" She fixed her eyes on his. "Thank you."
He smiled, and then crawled towards where they left the sandwiches, bringing them over. He also carried a bottle of something to drink.
"Where did you get that?" Claudia inquired with an amazed look. Hawkeye handed her one half of a sandwich and she thanked him, still curious though. "And what is it?"
"Gin. Trapper and I always used to hide some of it here, so it sort of stuck with me."
"You miss him, don't you?"
"Apparently more than he misses me."
"Don't suppose that, you don't know what happened. You are kinda hard not to miss, Hawkeye."
Hawkeye shrugged and started eating, thankful he brought the sandwiches for Claudia in the first place. At least they weren't starving during the night. He knew Claudia was watching him closely, trying to guess what he was thinking, he was able to feel her piercing eyes digging into him. He looked up to meet her eyes as she tried the gin for the first time.
"So, here we are." Hawkeye was chewing the last mouthful of his meal, pausing only to talk. "Pinned down by enemy fire, out of bullets, out of food. The immediate help we requested will arrive in, like, fifteen hours."
"I hate to just sit and wait."
"Wanna play doctor again?"
Her smile was so beautiful, Hawkeye got lost in it for a few seconds, but it disappeared rather quickly.
"Do you think the little girl had a family nearby?" She asked, changing the subject all of a sudden.
"I don't know, Claudia." Hawkeye answered, obviously startled by the question.
"How do you do it?" Claudia brushed a few crumbs off her shirt and took a sip from the bottle.
"What do you mean?"
She made a slightly disgusted face after swallowing the strong liquor, then sighed and passed it over to him. "How do you keep going after everything you've seen here?" Her blue eyes seemed tired, pointing at him sadly, searching for an answer.
"I have seen my fair share of dreadful things, yes. But I also laid my eyes on you."
"I am serious, Hawkeye."
"But I am too. There's good and bad. For every hundred or so of maimed shot up bodies, you get to save a life of an underdeveloped infant or an orphan who fell down. It's not much, but it's enough to think 'I am doing something that makes a difference'."