I don't own Chuck

She came out of the bathroom, freshly showered. She needed it after being on the road all day. Chuck was sitting at the desk, making notes on the paper she had prepared for him. She had given him five names, ages, and locations for him to begin to check on.

After the kiss on the bed, Sarah saw the conflict on Chuck's face. She had pulled away further, wondering why he was looking that way. "Are you okay?" she had asked him.

"Fine," he replied, getting his tone back down to the normal octave. "It's just…" he shook his head. "I'm fine, really."

"Okay," she had replied. She had then gotten up, and wrote down the names, told him she was going to go shower, and headed to the bathroom. Did he regret her kissing him?

"Feel better?" he asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. "You know, I can drive if you'd like."

Sarah couldn't help herself. "I mean, if you did we would be in the car even longer." Chuck had a look of faux shock on his face. She grinned at him. He smiled, and stood.

"I need to say something," Chuck said, wiping his hands on his jeans. "I think you and I are both feeling…something," he said, worry on his face. In the short time she had known him, it was apparent he was worried he had said the wrong thing. She nodded, knowing if she didn't he'd go into an endless spiral. "And the things we're having to do, is forcing you to have to deal with a lot of emotions and feelings, and I worry."

"Worried I don't do emotions?" Sarah asked for clarification.

"Worried I'm taking advantage of you," Chuck told her. She couldn't help the grin on her face. "Not physically," he hurried on. "Sarah…it's plain from everything I've seen in flashes, and what you've told me, you've been used and hurt. I don't want to be someone who you ever think would use and hurt you."

"I don't, Chuck," she replied, in a stronger voice then she thought she'd be able to speak in. It surprised her a little. "I don't think you would ever intentionally hurt me or use me."

"Good," Chuck said, nodding. He glanced over at the names. "I have…good news?" The look on Sarah's face told him she didn't know what kind of news it was since she hadn't seen what he wrote. He cleared his throat. "It appears these were all terrible people, like…bad." He looked over at her. "Real. Bad."

"Good," Sarah replied. Then she shook her head. "Not good, but…gah."

"Hey, that's my word," Chuck told her, grinning at her. "But I'll let you use it," he said with a wink.

"Do you want more names?" Chuck could feel the terror in her question. Did he want her to dredge up more of her past? Did he want her to think about those she had killed.

"No," Chuck told her. "I think after everything we've been through today, this is enough. I was thinking of getting my own shower."

"I told you we have to share a room," she quipped. Chuck made a "ha, ha," face at her, grabbed his things and walked toward the bathroom door. He stopped right in front of her, turned, and cupped her cheek with his hand, making her hiss in surprise.

"We do this at the pace that is best for you, okay?" She nodded. He gently kissed her forehead and went into the bathroom. She stood there. Did he mean them, or the names….or both?

}o{

"NO!" she screamed, grabbing the dead body in front of her for dear life. Except it wasn't dead, and she hadn't killed anyone. She felt the large hand rub her back, gently, tenderly, and she wrapped her arms tight around him, softly crying into his shoulder and neck.

"This was my worry," she heard him say softly. "I wasn't trying to dredge up the past. You don't need nightmares on top of everything else."

"I don't have nightmares," Sarah said, all while gripping on to him.

"Well, thank God," Chuck muttered, making her snort. "This isn't worth it."

"We have to," she replied, wrapping her arms tighter, while feeling him pull her even closer.

"I don't know if the cost is worth it," Chuck told her, placing a soft kiss into her hair.

"Can't take me squeezing you?" she asked, grinning into his skin, even as the memories of the assassination lingered.

"You squeeze me anytime you want, Sarah Walker," Chuck told her. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to feel protected, emotionally, for the first time in her life. She nearly sobbed the emotions were so overwhelming. "But remember if I turn blue, you've probably squeezed too tight and I can't breathe."

"And that's bad?" Sarah asked, continuing to hold on.

"I mean, I need oxygen."

"You are so needy," she chided.

"I am," he sighed with put on exasperation. "I need to be squeezed by my ex-CIA handler every night, but not too hard."

"I'm not your handler," Sarah told him. He pulled away and looked down at her. She opened her eyes and met him. She shook her head. "Chuck, I'm not your handler, I'm not-"

"Hey, I didn't mean anything buy it, I was just…just trying to lighten the moment," he began.

"I know," Sarah told him. "But that phrase…and what it implies…I'm doing nothing but being honest with you Chuck." He grinned at her. "I am," she insisted.

"Sarah, you've been conditioned, trained, whatever you want to call it, by the CIA for years, and while I think you are being as honest with me as you can be, you are not completely honest with me, or with yourself." She started to argue. "And that's okay," he hurried out. "I told you I'm here, as you try to find yourself in this life." She nodded. "Hell, those of use not in the CIA aren't always honest with ourselves."

"What do you lie to yourself about?" Sarah asked. Chuck pressed his lips together and went still. He slowly looked over at her. "Well?"

"I don't know if either of us are ready for that conversation," Chuck admitted.

"Did I just make things awkward?" Sarah asked. Chuck shook his head.

"Nope," he replied, his voice strong and confident. "Perfectly comfortable on my side."

"Good," Sarah replied, burying her head back into his neck. "I'll try not to have to squeeze you."

"Because of the nightmares you're not having, right?" She raised her head and glared at him. "Your adorable when you glare."

"Then why are you shaking?" Sarah asked.

"Your adorableness?" He offered. She shook her head, and laid her head back down. "Okay, fine, you scared me a little with that." He felt her smile. "Don't be so smug," he said softly, wrapping her in his arms and squeezing. She sighed contently as she drifted off to sleep, the nightmares held at bay for the night.