THIRTY

LEAH

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY

"Hey Mama, how're my babies doing?" Jacob smiles at me as he comes into the house, fresh from a run. He's been sticking more to the Forks side to avoid meeting up with the other wolves of Sam's pack – and to make sure that Forks is safe from leeches.

"Fine, just thinking about my conversation with Mom yesterday." I'm standing at the kitchen sink staring into space with a mug of tea in my hand.

"You still worried about what other people will think huh," Jacob comes up behind me, and pulls me flush against his hard, sweaty body. I instantly sigh and relax against him as he leans over and kisses the mark on my neck. He's always super horny after a good run, with all the adrenaline pumping through his veins. We've had our best romps after patrol.

My knees instantly turn to jelly and I hastily set the cup down into the sink. Jacob smirks at my reaction and begins to kiss and suck my skin. I can't help but moan as the tingle of desire spreads to my nipples and shoots downward to my core. Tweaking my nipples, he walks us into the bedroom and kicks in the door with his foot. I'm barely capable of taking off his huge t-shirt and my panties before he lifts me against the wall and plunges into my already wet and pulsing pussy.

"Oh fuck baby," Jacob groans as my heat envelopes his cock.

I swear sex between us gets better every time, especially with the marking and the pregnancy hormones added in the mix. Jacob steadies himself against the wall, ensuring that he's got a firm grip on me. He then proceeds to take me against the wall at a steady pace.

"Harder!" I demand, because I hate when he acts too careful. If the baby could survive a vampire attack, it could survive five minutes of Mama getting what she wants, just how she likes it. I've never had any spotting or cramps and my nausea has subsided in the last couple days, so I am confident that our sexual activities are safe.

Jacob grunts and pulls one of my legs higher against his hip, and I tighten my grip on his shoulders so that I don't slip. I moan in approval, as he begins to apply pressure to my sweet spot. "Right there," I encourage him. "Don't stop."

Jacob chuckles and nibbles against my ear. "So demanding," he whispers before fusing his lips against the mark. That's all it takes for me to unravel and within a few seconds I cry out his name as the bliss of orgasm washes over me. Jacob follows me quickly over the edge and after he's spent, he slowly sets me on my feet. I maintain my grip and pull him down so that he can kiss me. It feels so good that I don't want to stop touching him, tasting him.

"I love you," I murmur, so free in the moment, so grateful that I have the right to profess my feelings for him.

"I love you too baby, both of you."

I smile against his lips and the look in his eyes tells me that he means every word. I can feel his sincerity.

Jacob picks me up and carries me into the bathroom and together we take a much-needed shower. After we're dressed – me in a simple pair of shorts and tank top and him in a pair of cut offs – I go about fixing us some food.

"So Ness was wondering when you two could chat? I think she wants it to happen before tomorrow night," Jacob informs me, as he places his phone down on the kitchen table.

"Oh," is my reply. I can't help the butterflies that erupt in my stomach at the thought of meeting her. I still haven't decided if I should see her face-to-face. I don't want to expose the baby to her vampire genes, but Jake thinks because she's half human and none of the other Cullens will be around, I shouldn't be in any real danger. The question is whether or not it's necessary to take the risk. But even I can't deny that my curiosity is killing me, or that Nessie and I need to have a serious talk about Jacob and our feelings on the triangle we've found ourselves in.

"Well, I guess sometime before the dinner then." I make a face and turn back to frying our burgers and chopped onion.

"You're okay right?" Jacob asks, coming to stand next to me as he pulls out the buns from the bag and cuts them in half.

I shrug, and avoid meeting his eyes. "It is what it is."

"Just give it a shot, Lee, that's all I ask. One time. Please?"

"I know, I know I have to meet her. I'll be okay, I promise." I look up then at his worried gaze and pucker my lips so that he'll lean down and meet them.

"Thank you," he whispers, gently grazing the back of my neck with his fingertips.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A knock at the kitchen door interrupts our quiet lunch together at the table.

"Morning sis," Seth calls out as he steps inside, then comes over to plant a kiss on my cheek. "Brought you a visitor."

I feel awkward at first, but Embry's my brother too, so I welcome him, trying not to think about the last time we saw each other. "Hi Embry, nice to see you."

"You too Leah. Looking good, pregnancy suits you. Congrats on that by the way."

"Thanks Em." I accept the warm hug he offers and sit back down with Jacob.

"Hey guys," Jacob speaks up, eyeing the three of us carefully, to make sure that we're all good.

"Hey Jake," Seth waves awkwardly, while Embry nods with his chin.

"Where's Ness?" Jacob asks my brother and I try not to react about the weirdness – the madness – of it all.

"She went to the hairdresser's in Forks. She's fine."

Jacob nods with his mouth set in a grim line and I remind myself that it's not a romantic concern. "How are things? What's going on with you?" I ask Embry, as a means of distraction.

"Good actually, I came to tell you all some news."

"Yeah, he wouldn't tell me until we were altogether," Seth grumbles playfully.

"What is it?" Jacob asks.

"I imprinted on Rebecca."

Me: "WHAT?"

Seth: "Whoa!"

Jake: "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I saw her at the beach yesterday and it happened."

"Holy shit!" I shake my head, still unable to fully process the information.

Jacob chuckles. "I guess congratulations are in order, man. How does it feel?"

"It feels good, great. We spent a little time getting to know one another. We've got a lot in common, I really like her."

"Of course you do," I simper and walk over to Embry so that I can hug him. "Congrats." This was one time I can easily get behind an imprint, bad timing or not. (Rebecca is definitely going to freak out.) Sol never stood a chance against some good ole Quileute wolf stock. He's simply not good enough for my sissy, whether or not he loves her. With Embry, Becca will be the ONLY woman in his life AND bed.

"The only problem is that she's married, bro," Jacob reminds him grudgingly.

"Yeah I know, but luckily for me, she's already decided that she's going to divorce him."

"For you?" I ask, perplexed.

"Not for me, no! She made the decision on her own, I just happened to be there. She was really open to me about how unhappy she is in Hawaii. She just doesn't want to fight for the marriage anymore, she's tired."

"Yeah, she has been for a while."

"Well, Embry sure is a lucky duck!" Seth pipes up from the table, where he's been eating one of my apples. "Otherwise you'd have to become her mister."

We all look at my little brother with questioning expressions.

"You know, the outside woman is a mistress, so Embry would be a mister." Seth grins at us and we all roll our eyes and laugh.

"Thanks for clearing that up, Seth," Embry smirks. "I'm relieved that I won't have to become one of those."

"She'll need some time before she evens wants to be in another relationship though, you know that right?" I confirm.

"Yeah," Jacob seconds.

"I know guys, chill. Whatever Becca needs, I'm more than willing to give it to her. I enjoy her company, that's all that I need right now."

"Yeah, you can finally stop moaning about being lonely now," Seth teases.

"Shut up," Embry fires back.

"I'm just glad you're not another asshole like Lahote."

"Oh Paul's not nearly that bad anymore!" I cry in defense of my god-daughter's father.

"Thanks Jake, I'm glad too. Rebecca deserves someone who will treat her right." Embry responds with a blush, and it's just the cutest thing.

"Well, Fate has spoken, and you're it," Seth grins cheekily, giving Embry a thumbs up.

Embry nods his head. "I had the biggest crush on her growing up. Honestly, I'm just really lucky."

I smile, remembering how Jake and Quil used to tease him whenever all the kids hung out. Embry was practically raised by the Blacks and Atearas since he, Quil and Jake were so close. As a result, he was included in all of our family gatherings like parties and cookouts. As a kid, I'd never noticed anything weird with my father towards Embry, and it makes me mad that he could turn a blind eye like that, that he never actively tried to bond with his son; he just let Billy and Quil Sr. do it for him. As chief Billy was surrogate father to all in the tribe, which made it easy.

"I told her about the wolves you know? And she knows that there's a special wolf bond between Paul and Rachel, so don't hesitate to tell her you've imprinted – when you think she'll be open to that knowledge," I tell my brother.

"Yeah, I was shocked to find out she knew already."

"Sorry it slipped me to tell you," Jacob apologized.

"It's cool. But Paul kinda let the wolf out of the bag already."

"See? What did that idiot do now?" Jacob scowls with a roll of his eyes.

"He asked me right in front of her if I imprinted!"

"So Paul knows that Becca knows about the wolves?" I ask for confirmation.

"Yeap, apparently Rebecca told Rachel and she told him."

"So what did Rebecca say?" Jacob presses.

"Well, she just kinda stared at me in shock for a few seconds, then she went inside. That's why I was kinda hoping you'd talk to her Lee, see if she's alright. I don't want to crowd her."

I can just imagine. She's definitely freaking out already. "Of course I will. Don't worry, it'll be okay. You'll take this as slow as you need to, right?"

"Yeah. I don't wanna mess this up, not after waiting so long for it to happen."

"It'll be fine, Becca needs someone who can put her first, and once she understands that you can offer that when she's ready, she'll come around."

I can't help but wonder now if Becca is really barren, or if she just never conceived with Sol because Embry had a chance of imprinting on her. Maybe, just maybe, once Embry is a wolf, she'll never conceive with someone else. My gut just tells me that she'll have a family one day.

"Thanks, sis," Embry blushes.

My eyebrows shoot up in the air, and Seth, Jacob and I look at each other, the two men smirking at me. "Did you just call me 'sis'?" I tease.

Embry shrugs. "Yeah…why not? We're officially a family, we've got to stick together. We've got a baby on the way."

Jacob laughs and gestures to the four of us, "Oh it's 'we' now?"

"You know what I mean, man, the Blacks and Clearwaters," Embry ducks his head as Seth grabs him around the neck and ruffles his hair.

"It's about time you call yourself one of us! Welcome to the Clearwater family."

"What about your Mom?" Embry questions meekly.

"Don't worry about her. If she wants to ignore Dad's infidelity that's her business. We know who we are to each other, and that's all that matters," I offer, getting up to give both my brothers a hug at the same time. "We're Clearwaters, we share the same blood. She'll come around."

"Aww, you guys are making me jealous," Jacob jokes, but I know there's truth in his words.

I hope dinner tonight will be the turning point for all of us, and that the Blacks and Clearwaters will unite once and for all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm a bundle of nerves when I pull up to the Cullen mansion. I step out of the car and start walking down the path that leads to the cottage. It's been so long since I've been here, it almost doesn't feel real that at one point in time, I practically lived here - well, in the woods around here.

Renesmee Cullen is waiting just outside her little home, biting her nail nervously. A mane of silky dark red curls cascades wildly around her shoulders. She's wearing a pair of beige linen pants and a brown tank top, with thin gold necklaces, bracelets and rings. Tiny hoops and crescent moons dot the lobes of her ears. Her bohemian style says to me that she really isn't a child anymore. She's a young woman now, who is beautiful, though in a quirky kind of way, like Bella.

I watch her petite frame glide as it hurries over to me. She stops suddenly five feet away, unsure, and folds in on herself, reminding me so much of her mother the first day I saw her after Cullen abandoned her. I huff a breath in annoyance. I don't want to be the reason she looks so nervous and scared. I force a smile to my face and extend my hand.

"Hello…Renesmee. Nessie," I amend.

Her curious brown eyes sweep over me before she nods and says "Hello, Leah, thank you SO much for coming."

Then she launches herself at me, gripping my neck in a tight hug. I hesitate before lightly patting her on the back.

"Alright," I chuckle nervously, and pull back. It's a good thing we're both supernatural or she could have bruised me.

"Sorry, I'm a hugger, I know I wasn't supposed to, but I couldn't stop myself," she bites her lip with a pained, worried expression, as if she expects me to blow up at her or something.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just didn't expect it," I wave it off politely. It had been off-putting at first, because it took me a solid second to register that it was not an attack. Then I expected to be bombarded by her vampire scent, but it isn't bad at all. She smells more human than anything, floral, though there is still the hint of the "Other" just below that. My body feels fine in spite of the physical contact, so I figure all is well so far. If the wolf is happy, then I'm happy.

Needless to say though, I hope she doesn't try that again.

"Um, please come inside," she starts walking backward and I give her a head start before I move to follow. "Sure."

Inside B and E's Love Nest (Jacob would get so mad when I'd call it that back in the day) is cozy and clean, and I can't help but look around in awe at the simple yet tasteful furnishings. When I see Seth's shoes in the corner and some clothes that are his, it makes my mouth taste sour, but I refrain from commenting. Barely. His scent is everywhere mingled with hers. It's going to take a fucking lot out of me to accept what could happen in this house between the two of them eventually.

Why did he have to grow up to be basically a clone of Jacob? I know how irresistible a wolf can be, and she's already attracted to them through Jacob (no one can tell me otherwise, the girl's not blind).

"Can I offer you anything? I made a snack," Nessie gestures to the kitchen and I accept a glass of juice. She quickly serves me some OJ and I hungrily gulp it down to refresh my mouth.

"So, you wanted to talk?" I begin…because I really want to get this over with.

"Yes, I thought it would be a good idea to reacquaint ourselves before we meet with Chief Billy. Just to clear the air and set things right between us."

"Set things right?"

"Yeah, I just…don't want there to be any animosity. I know that my bond with Jacob presents its own set of problems for you. But I just hope that you believe me when I say that I won't interfere. I want to be in Jake's life always, and I just hope you can accept me as a friend to you both."

"And my brother? What are you to him?"

I hadn't meant to go there…but my mouth has its own agenda it seems.

She turns red instantly. "Seth and I are…just friends."

I scoff and roll my eyes. "If that were true I'd be grateful."

"But we are," she insists, tilting her head up to watch me defiantly.

I can't help but smirk at her display of gumption, "He's open to it being more some day, are you?"

Nessie sighs and looks away from me, fiddling with a dish towel. "We're attracted to one another, but...that's ALL it is. I think Seth knows that I'm not right for him."

"No you're not right for him. But he seems to think so – even though he's been trying to deny that he's thinking about it. You both are trying to lie about what you feel."

Her face falls and I immediately feel horrible for being so blunt.

"Look, Jake and I promised not to interfere, okay? Well, Jake promised Seth and I'm trying my BEST not to treat Seth like a child. This whole situation is really hard for me, and I don't want you to use my brother as a replacement for Jake. If you can promise me that Seth's not some stand-in, that you genuinely would care about him, then I will try my best to be good with it."

I'll have to keep reminding myself to think of her as an adult woman and not an eight-year old vampire girl, like Seth does. At least seeing her in person functioning as a young adult really helps get over that part. If this is his type…there's nothing I can do about it.

"Well, this whole thing has been hard for me too!" Nessie shoots back and my neck jerks in shock. "And I'd never USE Seth! He's my best friend apart from Jake."

I groan. "You sound like your mother. But being her best friend killed Jake. It broke his heart when she chose your father over him."

And then I feel bad. Here I am attacking her about Seth when I'm the reason Jacob's attentions are elsewhere. And Seth wouldn't be so happy here if Nessie was being a brat. I have no right to come at her so hard.

But… I just can't help but feel territorial over Seth. And Jake's MY lover, and this is HIS baby. I won't be threatened by her or anyone, anymore.

"Leah? I can sense that you're getting worked up, but I'm not trying to offend you or start an argument. I just don't like that you have all these negative impressions about me, and you don't even know me. I'm not my mother, and I'm not trying to string Seth along."

Biting my lip, I have to concede. "You're right, I'm sorry. It's hard to see him and Seth so devoted to you. I just…I've always wanted our lives to remain separate from the Cullens'. I guess I'm really insecure, to be honest."

"Why would you be insecure? Jacob and Seth are just as devoted to you, Leah, if not more. They both only want to make you safe and happy. They both love your baby so much. I think we're both lucky to have them, but for very different reasons. There should be no comparison between us, I hope you can see that. I just want to be a part of it all, I don't want to give up either of them. They are as important to me as my own family."

I can't help but sigh at her fucking sugar-sweet innocence. "I don't understand why you don't hate me."

"Hate you?" Nessie shakes her head at me, as though I'm being silly.

"For being that person that stole Jake away from you? For taking your soul mate away? That's all anyone sees this as. No one really believes that he and I are in truly in love, because he's imprinted on you."

I have no idea why I keep revealing my struggle to the one person that lies at the root of it all, but, that's what this meeting is all about, ain't it? To get it all out, to find some sort of resolution between us? Cause we are in a war for hearts, aren't we?

Nessie thumps against the countertop and shakes her head. "You don't really understand."

"Understand what?"

"Jacob and I are bonded but I don't think we are soul mates. It's nothing that serious."

I snort. "Try telling the pack and Council that."

Nessie runs her hands through her hair, bringing it all over one shoulder so that she could nervously pick at the ends. "Me and my mom, I think we have that in common, which sucks, quite frankly, but it's true."

I don't ask her to clarify, I simply wait for her to continue as she keeps messing with her hair.

"We both want him in our lives, we both love Jake so much, but unlike my mother, I know that he doesn't belong with us. We're vampires and he's not. I know my mother wishes that Jake and I would just get over it already, but I'm not the mate Jacob wants. And I KNOW this because I'm infertile."

I gasp loudly, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "Does Jake know?"

Is that why he's so adamant that they'll never be together?

"No, only my family and you know. I think that his wolf chose you because you can give him what he needs from a mate. You're his equal. I've never been Jacob's equal, I'm not even his species. The imprint bond, it only happened because of what he felt for my mother. I'm half-vampire, I'm not meant to be with a wolf. And with Seth, it would be the same thing, and I can't give him what he will want or need one day. I'm a genetic dead-end."

I blindly reach for the bar stool beside me and plop myself onto it, literally bowled over by her secret. "Don't call yourself that," I scold. I've said the same thing about myself for years, but now, hearing Nessie use the term, it feels so derogatory, so vile.

Nessie shrugs. "Well I'm barren, it's the same thing. Grandpa found out when I turned seven. We ran tests to see how I was doing, as my cycle never started. There was no activity or sign of eggs."

"I'm so sorry," I finally manage to choke out, clutching at my neck. I'm shocked at her news, but her story also brings back up so many personal bad moments for me.

"Mom has me taking these hormones and supplements and diets and all this stuff to boost fertility, but I think I'm going to stop."

"They're not working," I whisper, knowingly.

"No and I just don't think it's right. If I am meant to have children one day, I will. But right now, it just feels useless trying to force something I have no control over."

"And you'd be right. Honestly Nessie, I know how you feel. I stopped my cycle when I phased. It just never showed up. It's been years, since before you were born. I have no idea how I got pregnant when I haven't seen a period since I was nineteen."

"What? You did?"

"Yes, and it was the worst time of my life."

"Seth mentioned you never thought you would have children, but I didn't realize what that meant. No wonder you hate my family – we took that away from you."

I purse my lips and rub my palms over my jeans. Her words sting me but I can't deny that it's the truth.

"You're right…hence why you never knew or saw me like you did Seth. I felt as though becoming a wolf had taken my humanity, my femininity and I wished the Cullens had never come into town. I lost Sam and Emily and it felt like everyone hated me. Girls did not belong in the pack unless they were imprints."

"But how did you cope with that…that…"

"Feeling of being unworthy? Of not being whole?"

She nods her head, biting her lip, her brown eyes containing so much pain and sadness for someone so young. "I know I'm not a human girl, but…I look like one. I have a heartbeat and warm blood, so why not a womb that works?"

The poor thing.

"I don't think I ever really coped, Nessie. I lashed out a lot. I made everyone miserable. I hated the world, and vampires and imprinting. It was easier. I shut myself off from having friends, and with Jacob's sisters gone it felt like I truly had no one. Especially considering that I killed my father when I first phased."

I take a deep breath and lean against the counter. Dredging up the past is never easy.

"I know something about killing parents accidentally," Nessie scoffs and I offer her a sad smile. At least hers is still alive and present in her life – though Bella seems to be messing shit up these days.

"Things got a little better when I joined Jake and the packs split. A lot of the tension with other wolves was taken off of me because we didn't have to interact daily and we were out of each other's heads…But I don't think I ever actively coped, or tried to heal. I just distracted myself and found ways to survive the disappointments in my life. I just kept…holding on…until Jacob came back and then it was like…I felt like I could find love and happiness again. I could finally breathe again."

Nessie's face seems to sadden even more. I know my truth is hard to hear because my happiness came from her loss. It's a bittersweet thing.

"I don't want Jake and me to be a reason you are unhappy."

Nessie's mouth slightly curves in an accepting smile. "I might be a tad envious…but it's just the imprint talking, me feeling like he should be with me all the time. Now that I actually know about the imprint, I realize how unfair that is to both of us, and I'm working on controlling how I react because of it. If Jake can do it, so can I."

"Thanks? I guess?" I shake my head with a shrug. This situation will never stop being uncomfortable and weird. She's an eight-year-old adult and practically a third wheel in my relationship. Fuck, it's messed up.

"You're so lucky Leah, you know that right? I can only hope that one day I will be too. My whole life has been about surviving the supernatural…I just want one thing to be safe or normal about me, just one. And I'd be happy too. I was when I first moved to Paris and found Luc. But…the Volturi ruined everything. They made my mom freak out and now…Luc's gone. I hate to think of him confused and scared, hiding for the rest of his life."

"That really sucks. We'd love to annihilate that whole dinosaur clique, but we know it probably wouldn't be good for the fate of the world if vampires had no enforcers to keep them in check."

Nessie chuckles but nods her head in agreement. "I think we should be like humans, vote and elect the right people. My grandpa Carlisle would make an excellent king or president."

I throw her a smile which disarms us both. "From what I've seen, he would be. Diplomacy is his superpower."

"That and not thirsting for human blood," Nessie adds.

After a beat of us just relaxing for the first time since this conversation started, I realize that there's something I want to say.

"I'm positive that if you take stock of your life, you've got a lot of things to be happy about. You're so young, Nessie. You're not ready for motherhood, so don't let it become an obsession, because then it will become a burden that haunts you, like it did me. You'll waste the joy of youth. If I could tell that to my younger self now, I would. I would tell her to be happy with herself, love and accept herself or no one else will."

She grunts and shrugs, with a pouty lip, reminding me of a true eight-year-old.

"You've got a family and friends that would do anything, literally, for you. You've got beauty and eternal youth and wealth, you're smart, and you've got your freedom. Those are things that most of us on the Res, would die to have for just one day. Your life is only just getting started, try not to sweat it so much. Grow up, but don't grow up too fast, you know what I mean?"

Nessie nods slowly, and comes over to sit on the other barstool next to me. She plays with her nails before taking a breath and looking up at me.

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful…I know how lucky I am. But it's hard. It's hard figuring out what I want out of my life. Or how I'm going to make the right decisions that will impact me for an eternity. I don't know how I will keep starting over, moving from place to place…I don't want to live like my family. I want one home and a real human life, but it could never happen."

"Humans follow their guts, so just do that. You take it one day at a time, one week, one month, one year at a time, you learn as you go along. Don't worry about the forever part. Whatever happens, you adjust and you keep going forward. Life is just unpredictable, you know? So just be strong and face whatever comes - that's what I'm doing now myself."

I look down at my stomach and rub it automatically.

"I didn't plan for this baby and I have no idea how I'm going to give it the life it deserves, but I'm committed to never giving up. I'm learning to be confident in what's mine, now. So be confident in what's yours, and you'll be alright too."

It's still not lost on me that I now possess one prominent source of her confidence, that I've somehow managed to push her out of her comfort zone, by taking her place at Jacob's side. After my little maternal display, I feel like I'm being insensitive, because technically I am a teensy bit responsible for the predicament she's in.

Maybe if Jacob had stayed with her, she would feel more grounded and sure of her future. He would give her the security she's searching for. Maybe he would have helped her overcome her infertility, like he did me?

Shit. Fuck. It's too much to think about. Jacob has already banned me from thinking about the "What Ifs."

"I'm trying…I really am, Leah. I know that I can only take it one day at a time."

I take a deep breath, and fiddle with the empty glass in front of me. My mind still on that one little thing.

It always will keep coming back to this because of my insecurity as the one standing in the middle of an imprint. If Sam had chosen me over Emily, I still would have felt this way. Like my win is only temporary. That the shoe on the other foot will eventually drop.

I turn to her, somewhat on edge, tapping my finger onto the counter demandingly. "Are you SURE you're not upset that Jacob isn't a major part of your life now? I know that the imprint is like a magnet. A part of you will always want him in some way. So don't you blame ME, or us being together…for your feeling this way about your life or whatever?"

Nessie is affronted. "No, I don't, I meant it when I told you so before."

She looks away from me, vexed. Rising and going quickly to the fridge where she pulls out the orange juice again, she grabs a glass and fills it for herself, then refills mine. She then proceeds to serve a platter of cheese and fruit with two bowls, which she had apparently prepared beforehand. She then retakes the bar stool next to me and gestures to the food.

My stomach is tied in knots, but I do her bidding, in need of a distraction from the weird energy once again hanging in the air. Nessie plucks a few grapes and munches on them while I opt for a cracker with cheese.

"It's not easy, but that's just what it is," she begins after a couple minutes that feel like hours. "After he left Spain, the need for Jake would just suddenly rise up and I would rush to tell him something and then remember, he's gone. I didn't understand what was going on, why he left so abruptly. I blamed Mom for driving him away, and then my relationship with her fell apart." She snorts and breaks off, shaking her head.

"I felt like shit when I found out that it was because he didn't want to be with me romantically – and that it was something expected of him. He basically had to escape this entrapment with my family! It felt wrong immediately, because Jake isn't some sick pedophile. And I had NEVER had those thoughts, mind you, and I didn't want him to think of me that way either. But it made me feel like I was going to disappear from his life. That's what I was worried about the most - I didn't want Jake to not want me anymore - at all."

I force the food down my throat and take a sip of juice. I realize in this moment, that I'VE got nothing to feel guilty about. Neither can I try to deny that there's something between them. The truth is that this issue between them really is just that, between them. Not me. And I should be more willing to give them credit for being true to their word when they say that they're not going to be more than they are.

"Jacob loves you so much, he's tried hard to be what you need. He just couldn't be that…with or without me, he'd made that decision for himself."

"I know. And it was the right decision. Thank you for talking with me, Leah. I'm glad Jacob has you."

"So you can get away from his snoring and stinky feet?" I joke, trying to ease the tension between us.

She chuckles, "Noooo, so that I can finally talk to someone who can understand how I feel."

She once again surprises me.

"I really hope you'll want to be friends, Leah. I prefer talking to you more than Rose or even Seth. He's great but he's not a woman, and you…know how I feel. Aunt Rose does too, she always wanted kids, but she gets really upset so I don't like to talk to her about things like this…"

I nod, understanding. But a part of me is panicking and saying "Now you've gone and befriended the kitten and it won't ever want to go home!" We've made it through one conversation, that's all I had planned on doing right now. Thinking of the future where she and I are close is just overwhelming. Overwhelming as it is though, I could see it, that it might not be so bad.

I never wanted to be her friend, but now it appears that I have no choice. She finds kinship in me, since we have had similar life experiences; and seems to think that I'm the only one who can relate to her on her level. It's ironic that she picks me when I'm the one she could easily blame. What's even more crazy, is that I've been in her exact shoes for years. All I really needed was someone who could walk a mile in mine to talk to.

So what can I do? I'm Jacob's partner and I share his life and his burden, just like Seth said. It really sinks home that I can't escape sharing in his imprint too. Sam's pack, they live as one unit, with the imprints at the center. I never thought that it would be the same with Jacob's. I'd always thought that it would continue to be the other part of his life that he updates me on when necessary.

But it's not, because the imprint has expanded into all of our lives. We all share the instinct to protect. It started with Jake and then Seth, but now Nessie needs ME?

We're the family she wants. What she wants, the wolf provides. Being pregnant has me feeling so EXTRA on the maternal front. And now that Jake is no longer a whole thing between us and I believe that she is genuine, I find myself wanting to nurture this girl, and support her.

Reaching out, I clutch Nessie's pale hand. "I'll try my best okay, let's just take it one step at a time."

Nessie beams at me, her eyes bright and earnest. "That's fair, I guess I have to learn how to ease into things in all aspects of my life."

I nod encouragingly.

"Just promise me that you'll date other guys and have fun. Don't try to be too serious just yet unless you really find The One. And be body-positive and all that good stuff. That's another piece of wisdom I wish I'd had for myself." I muse, wondering which part of my ass all of this sage advice is suddenly spewing from.

"That's why I want to stop taking the hormones. I just want to let my body be its natural self."

"Well I'd say you're off to good start then."

"Yeah, I think I am too," Nessie blushes and her face breaks out into a happy smile.

Watching the girl who's already become part of my life despite me hating the very idea of such, I can't help but think about how lost I had been only just a few months ago. I wish I hadn't given up on being a woman in all the other ways that count too, beyond motherhood. I fear that if I wasn't pregnant right now, I might not have been much of a help or inspiration to the girl in front of me at all.

AN: This was the longest chapter yet. It was hard to write all those months ago and I still wasn't satisfied when I read it over to post, so I tried to tweak it this week. I think it is one of those conversations where you keep circling around a particular issue until it finally feels resolved, and I hope I achieved that with Leah and Ness. Leah also is pregnant and her moods swing from left to right in the snap of a finger, so bear that mind with her as well. And I guess she's just naturally apprehensive when it comes to the Cullens. And yes, Nessie's infertility is a part of why Jacob never felt attracted to her. They are not compatible in more ways than one - Her not being able to carry on the wolf gene being a major one.

Up next is the family dinner! We're getting there.