"You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals,
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel,"
— The Bad Touch
Bloodhound Gang

He followed her back to the living room, ready to take a baby when she was done feeding them. He sat close enough to pull her feet into his lap, smiling fondly.

"We got big plans! Whatcha think, Holly? Wanna go to the zoo?"

Always the first to finish eating, the blonde baby grinned at her father and lifted tiny arms. Betel obeyed the unspoken request and took her into his arms, kissing her chubby cheek as he settled her into the crook of his arm.

"My girl. You're gettin too big! Yer gonna be taller than yer sister, ain't ya?" The baby just cooed at him, grinning in that way babies did when half asleep. "They're so fuckin' perfect, Lyds. Ya really outdid yerself."

"You helped."

He earned a sweet smile and nudge for his comment while she finished up feeding Ivy. It was good of him to give her all the credit like that when he was usually so greedy. Like always, he just provided the ingredients and she did all the cooking.

"They're identical twins, Beej." They weren't, but they were. Eye, hair, and skin color may have been different, but everything else was exactly the same, down to the little beauty mark they both shared next to their left eyes, the one that reminded Lydia of her mother. "If Holly ends up taller, it'll be because she guzzles down milk like a drunk at an open bar."

This was also accurate. The possibilities that a Neitherworldian zoo represented had Lydia all kinds of giddy and excited. What might they see?

"Ivyyy," she hurried along, bouncing the still feeding infant gently. This one, unlike her greedy sister, always took her sweet, sweet time savoring her meals. "Come on. Don't you want to see the pretty animals?"

Betelgeuse chuckled and leaned over to kiss her as she tried to rush their firstborn through her lunch.

"There's no rush, babes. The animals aren't goin' anywhere." He laid Holly out on his lap, playing with her tiny feet. This earned him a sharp kick to the balls from the petulant infant, her face the image of sternness.

"Hey! Watch it. Ya keep that up, the two o' ya won't have any brothers or sisters." Ivy paused in her feeding to share a Look with her sister. They were scheming against him, he just knew it.

"Lydia, the girls are bein' mean to their poor old man. Tell 'em to stop it or I'm not gettin' 'em a stuffy at the zoo."

Siblings!? He wanted to do this again?! He was a madman! Greedy bastard!

"Excuse you?" Lydia gaped, hardly believing her ears. "First of all, have you forgotten me dying in the bathtub? If that isn't enough to convince you another kid is a bad idea, what about the months of 'blue balls'?"

With a stern expression, she took her own turn jabbing at him with her feet, more gently than the merciless Holly.

"Don't you dare be thinking about that while we're fucking! I swear to God, Betelgeuse if I end up pregnant again that's it. No more sex ever. I can make this a sexless marriage like that."

Maybe if he hadn't dropped the idea on her so casually and suddenly, she would have been more open to it, but giving birth had been a barbaric, scarring experience. Another one might do her in for good.

"Secondly," she finished, tucking her breast away to her husband's great disappointment as Ivy finished feeding. "My babies are still babies. I want to enjoy it. Another would make me too tired to do anything fun."

She nuzzled, baby-fying her voice while saying this, savoring the sweet smell of little Ivy's baby shampoo.

"Third of all," the severe expression returned. "The last thing anyone in this house needs is more stuffed animals. Any more and they'll need their own room."

"Woah, babes, no. I was just kiddin'..." He pulled her foot up to kiss the top of it when she aimed her gentle jab at his bits. "I don't even wanna think about it until these girls are grown and outta here. Besides, we could always adopt next time."

At the mention of the stuffed animals, he pouted and held Holly up to stand on his lap. "But Mommy, we love stuffies... Daddy likes it when we talk to them during tummy time!"

It was true. Watching the girls laying on their stomachs and baby talking to their toys never failed to make him feel warm inside. A feat not easy to achieve. He kissed her tiny cheek gently.

"Besides, you don't expect me to take these sweet bugs to the zoo and come home empty-handed, do ya? You know how it goes, Lyds. If there's an option to spoil my girls I'm gonna take it."

Reassured, Lydia relaxed, heart brimming with warmth as he made short work of changing her mind on the stuffed animal issue.

"Fine," she sighed, putting on an air of supreme inconvenience then turning her attention to her mini-me. "Daddy convinced me. Looks like you're getting more stuffies."

He was such a fool for them, even more so than for her. It was a good thing she wasn't the jealous type.

"But you're responsible for finding room for them. Their chest is full."

Knowing her husband, he would just get another chest.

"Come on, Daddy."

Pale toes pressed into his thigh, honey eyes lidded while she remembered the way she moaned his title down in the dungeon.

"Let's go to the zoo."

His eyes trailed up her creamy leg until it disappeared into her nightgown. He met her eyes with a sense of hunger lingering from their tryst in the playroom, his tongue flickering out to wet his lips. Pregnancy had been hard on them, sure, but he wouldn't trade his girls for anything. His entire afterlife was now dedicated to making sure his family was safe, happy, and provided for.

He would take a job. He's been getting notice of people looking for him for months but had ignored them. With Lydia recovering and the twins so young, he'd wanted to stay home with them as long as possible, but the time had come to take some financial worry off of his wife. He wanted her to do only as much work as she wanted to.

He wanted her and the twins absolutely spoiled.

"You plannin' on gettin dressed, momma? The babies n' I are waitin' on ya." He carefully took Ivy into his arms and leaned in to kiss his wife soundly, a baby on each thigh. "Go get ready n' we'll be right here. I gotta change 'em anyway."

Less than an hour later, Lydia descended the stairs in a tight little black number reminiscent of the '50s, cinched in at the waist with a skirt that then flared out down to the knee. Thick straps held up her swollen breasts, a prettily tied bow in front providing easy access for should she need to feed the twins. Dark, sheer thigh-high stockings pinned to a garter belt were hidden under the modest skirt, no underwear to be found, but Betelgeuse didn't know that. Long hair was pulled into a loose fishtail braid behind her back, ballet flats and a matching pearl necklace and earring set finishing off the classic look‒ a gift from her husband given the day after the twins were born in celebration of their birth.

He already had the girls in their car seats, cush and ready for the drive.

"What kind of animals do they have at the zoo?"

There wasn't a need for any blush, excitement painting her milky cheeks pink as she took the steps quickly, chest wriggling enticingly against the compact bow. Just as short as ever, the gown accentuated her hourglass figure dramatically.

"Griffins? Gargoyles? Dragons? I want to see something that could kill a man."

While Lydia was getting dressed, Betel took the time to dress in his green suit from Christmas, running a dry razor quickly over his stubble. Since Ivy's birth, he'd found it was growing for the first time in centuries. When his wife finally descended the stairs, Betelgeuse was stunned into silence for a moment at the sight of her. He knew she was beautiful, but this particular getup took the cake in that arena. Rising to meet her, his hands sliding over her tiny waist as he pulled her into a tender kiss.

"Now, how am I supposed to take ya anywhere lookin' like that? Yer too sexy for the outside world." His mouth dropped to the tops of her plump breasts as she started to ask about the zoo. "Baby, ya live with several somethin's that could kill a man, but yeah, they got some cool shit. Ya ready to go?"

One last kiss was pressed to her skin before he pulled back and collected the twins. "Family outing. Let's do this shit."

Lydia couldn't remember Doomie ever having seatbelts before, but he did now, providing stability for the girls' car seats. They were front-facing, but she had unshakable faith in her husband's driving skills. Besides, the girls would have thrown terrible fits if they couldn't see them. Ten minutes into the drive, they were passed out, the gentle glide of the car and swirling colors in the Neitherworld sky quickly lulling them to sleep.

Betelgeuse was taking the scenic route, avoiding pulling Doomie onto populated city roads as long as possible. They were passing tar beach now, and Lydia ooh'd and ah'd out the window at the roiling, acid sea and amethyst beach, reaching over to grasp her husband's hand now and then to point out things that interested her.

Before too long, they pulled up outside of a large, gated structure, the parking lot only two-thirds of the way full; busy, but not busy enough to be overcrowded and unfun. When the engine stopped humming, Ivy and Holly blinked awake and immediately worked up a fuss at the inconvenience.

"I know," Lydia comforted sympathetically, rushing to get them settled in their custom twin stroller. It was a beautiful state of the art creation; comfortable and aesthetically pleasing, lots of pockets and compartments for holding toys, diapers, and bottles, whatever they might need. There were multiple heavy-duty wheels, making it roll smoothly and easily along most any terrain with minimal effort.

"I love that suit on you," she flirted with her husband as she leaned over to strap the babies in, noticing the way his eyes kept drifting to her chest. In no way was she done with him. She had every intention of enticing him into another rough romp before the day was up. Maybe two, if the old man could keep up with her improved cardio.

"I think I'll make another. What do you think of red and white stripes? Like a candyman."

The drive was pleasant, smooth, and not overly populated for once. He was grateful that his wife hadn't commented on yet another show of overprotectiveness. She simply held his hand and cooed at the scenery. He really couldn't help but steal looks at her in that dress. Her chest was about ready to spill out of the black satin, making him want to bury his face there and stay awhile. Before he knew it, they were pulling in and he was settling the girls into their stroller, ready to face the public.

The teasing lilt of her voice made him look up, raising an eyebrow at the suggestion of a candy-striped suit. "I think I'd look like a barber pole, but I trust yer judgment." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her firmly, his hand sliding down to her ass.

"Why don't ya make me somethin' nice for the bedroom instead? And by that, I mean lingerie for you." He leaned down to kiss her chest gently before pulling away and taking hold of the stroller. "Let's get this show on the road, Mama."

"I already have a ton of naughty outfits. You haven't even seen me in half of them."

There was an entire wall in her closet dedicated to babydolls and teddies, rippable lace and severe, cutting leather. Usually, Betelgeuse was ready to go regardless of what she was wearing, so most days Lydia didn't bother. Especially not with how busy she'd been lately.

She linked her arm with his as he pushed the stroller, occasionally leaning off to the side to baby talk the twins and make sure they were still content. They were painfully cute in their little matching dresses; red for Ivy and pink for Holly, white stockings and tiny, shiny buckled shoes making them the picture of Valentine-themed cuteness. Spoiled rotten, they each suckled at bejeweled binkies, their favorite stuffies and rattles tucked in between them where they could be reached easily.

Betelgeuse paid their way in, stopping her in her tracks when she went to draw her own card out of habit. He was like that whenever they were out in public. It was probably a pride thing. Tickets pocketed, they were through the gates and getting stares. People were fascinated. They knew better than to approach, but it had been a long time since most of these spirits had set eyes on an actual humanoid infant, much less people like Lydia and Ivy; breathing and fleshy, out of place in the land of the dead.

Lydia gulped, intimidated, and gripped her husband's bicep tighter, her other hand taking up the mantle on the stroller as her gaze flickered around rapidly to assess if there were any serious threats in their onlookers.

"Beej… was this a good idea? Maybe we should go home…"

Anyone whose gaze lingered too long got a sharp look from Betel, enough to chase most off without a second glance. His wife worrying at his side made anger rise in his throat. Couldn't they have a family day without her being scared something would happen?

"Nah, baby. It's all good. These fuckers know better than to try anything and if they do, I can take care of it." He slid his arm around his waist and kissed her cheek firmly. No one was going to ruin this for them. He pointed toward a sign boasting a new exhibit of manticores and squeezed her gently.

"Come on. Let's go see some monsters." As they walked he kept a close eye on all who paid too much attention to his girls. Lydia could enjoy the zoo. He'd be there to keep her safe.

Betelgeuse's stubbornly upbeat attitude and rigid confidence abated Lydia's anxiety. There was nothing to fear here. By the time they made it through the manticore exhibit, both she and the girls were perfectly enchanted, no room for fear or worry when winged lions with scorpion tails were flying circles through the air, tackling and biting each other playfully.

The pegasi and unicorns were kept together and seemed to exist in harmony. There was a station where one could pay for treats to hand out to them and Lydia insisted on getting enough for each magnificent horse to get at least one, taking turns holding Ivy and Holly up so they could admire as the majestic beasts began to congregate.

After watching yetis sculpt their igloos, seemingly perfectly happy with their snowy tundra encampment, they moved on to the aquarium, an underground structure with thick, magically reinforced glass that kept all manner of aquatic creatures safely enclosed; kappas, kelpies, hippocampus' and sea serpents.

The uglier and deadlier the monsters got, the more Lydia fell in love. Though, they did eventually take a break from larger, scarier beasts to wander through the petting zoo, a swarm of pixies there flying through in a flurry to kiss the twins' chubby cheeks and sprinkle them with a cloud of glowy dust. It was over too fast for either Lydia or her husband to know what to do about it.

"Lucky you!" A zookeeper commented when it happened, grinning wide at the rare sight and making happy faces at the babes. "They usually stay in the trees and throw acorns at people who get too cocky with the animals. That was a blessing, that was. For good luck and good fortune."

As his wife relaxed, so did Betelgeuse. Her insistence on feeding all the unicorns and Pegasi put a cut into his wallet, but it made her and the babies happy, so he paid as much as it cost for all of it. The pixies were... something else. With the zookeeper assuring them it was good luck, he relaxed some, wiping some of the glittery substance from Holly's chubby cheek.

"Come on, ladies. Let's find some lunch." The zoo cafe was located easily, and Betel set his family up under a large umbrella, ensuring some cover for Lydia to nurse while he went to get her something to eat.

He was hesitant to turn his back, but he knew she would be fine. She could scream if she needed him.

Having already exhausted their stash of pre-pumped milk while walking around, Lydia had no choice but to feed them out in the open, unwilling to do such a thing in the public restroom. Gross. Instead, she glanced around shiftily, making sure there weren't any eyes on her before untying the bow at her chest, carefully balancing the twins in each arm, and bringing them to their respective favorite breast.

"Well, well, well…"

Lydia tensed up and hunched forward, shielding the twins and her breasts to the best of her ability. She recognized that voice.

"Looky what we gots here."

"Betel—!"

Before she could get his name out, the last lesson her husband taught her regarding this fiend having stuck in well, Scuzzo honked his nose and let loose a squealing gale of laughter at the face she made when she realized her lips were stuck together as if glued. Nevertheless, even without the vocal pull, she could feel her ring burning, calling Betelgeuse to her side.

"Jesus, Missus Juice, I owe you an apology," Scuzzo leaned far over the table, yellowing eyes locked on her tits. She huffed, cheeks puffing up indignantly. "If anything, poppin' those things out made ya even hotter. What I wouldn't give to get my mouth on those milk jugs, I tell ya."

Disgustingly so, he licked his lips, leering at the girls as though they were little more than obstacles in his path. Lydia could see foul intent in him and worried that Betelgeuse wouldn't get there in time— but her fretting was for naught. Holly and Ivy's little faces were screwed up with annoyance as they suckled, sensing their mother's distress and deeply unappreciative of the interruption to their meal.

In a blink, before Lydia or Scuzzo could process what was happening, the clown disappeared right before her eyes. A moment later, screaming could be heard from the nearby wyvern exhibit…

The serpentine ring on his hand started burning just as he collected his wife's requested meal. He hurried back outside to find her... alone. Someone was screaming back in the direction they came from. He set the food down and crouched down beside her, looking his family over for injuries. Finding her lips sealed, he carefully banished the magic with a kiss, cupping her jaw.

"What happened, kitten? Who was it?"

Zookeepers were running toward the screaming, words flying between them that he barely caught. The wyverns. That clown again. Who let him in? How did he fall in?

The clown. Betel grimaced. "Scuzzo. Shoulda known that asshole would be hangin' around here today. I don't get what Trixie sees in him." It was then that he realized the twins were laughing, giggling to themselves even as they nursed at their mother's breasts. Betel raised an eyebrow.

"My princesses... Did you send that bad man away from mommy? You did a good job if ya did. Very good job. Makin' yer daddy real proud."

"That son of a bitch!"

Lydia exploded as soon as she had use of her mouth again, the picture of maternal rage. Cheeks flushed, nostrils flared, and eyes flashing gold with fury, at that moment she very closely resembled one of the mother wyverns currently burning the clown to a crisp for venturing too close to her eggs.

"I hate not having any powers! It's not fair!"

It had been a long time since Lydia made use of that childish phrase.

"I'm just sitting here minding my own damn business and he popped up out of nowhere! I tried to call you as soon as I noticed him, I did, but," her lips pursed, remembering how easily her voice had been stolen from her. It reminded her of her wedding night, part I, but not in a warm and fuzzy way. "You know what happened."

If the event had taught her anything, it was that neither she nor her husband had much to worry about when it came to the twins' safety. Clearly, they were more than capable of defending themselves. It astounded her how aware of their environment they seemed to be despite their young age. There's no way they understood more than a handful of words, but they felt her energy, sensed that she was upset, deduced what was upsetting her, and then did something about it.

"My perfect, beautiful girls," she praised, hunching down to kiss the tops of their heads as they fed. "Thank you for saving Mommy. Hope I never have to return the favor…"

Fickle and hungry, she finally noticed the bounty of food Betelgeuse came bearing and brightened up; corn dogs, chili cheese fries, funnel cake, and an extra-large root beer float in a chilled mug with two straws.

"Is that a rootbeer float? Thank you, Beej! Hold it for me so I can get a sip?"

His wife's shifting moods would never cease to amaze him. He pressed his lips to her cheek as she spoke to the twins, finally sitting heavily in the chair beside her. He was horrified when her ring called for him. Having her in a position where she was unable to call for him was exactly why he made sure her ring was enchanted in the first place. He held the mug for her when requested, reaching across to rub his thumb over Holly's cheek gently, then her sister's. "My precious little monsters. You did a good thing, buggies."

A glance toward the exhibits found Scuzzo being hauled onto a stretcher, his body burnt to a crisp despite his mind being conscious. He pointed a shaking, blackened finger at them.

"B-babies..."

Betel sneered, his face momentarily taking on the serpentine features of his snake-like form. This was enough to set the clown screaming again. Beneath them, the babies were laughing again, tiny hands reaching for their father's stubbled cheeks.

Once the girls were done eating, Lydia could start. They were dozed off in their stroller by the time she finished, but Lydia insisted on seeing the rest of the zoo. All that was left was the reptile house, which included a basilisk exhibit where they gave out special glasses to keep anyone from death or petrification while viewing the great serpent.

"Beej," Lydia gasped, absolutely enamored with the giant serpent of lore. "He's beautiful…"

Her voice was gentle and reverent as she pressed close to the glass as if afraid the sound of her might disturb him in some way. The shade on Ivy and Holly's stroller was fully drawn, eliminating any need to shield them from the snake's deadly gaze. Through the glasses, his eyes appeared to be made of milky swirling crystal balls the size of her head.

"I wish I could pet him… poor baby, all by himself in there…"

Logically, she knew this was a terrible idea and it would never happen, but her bleeding heart refused to be cauterized. According to the plaque, basilisks were incredibly difficult to breed and transfer safely, which was why the zoo only kept one. Suddenly, he made a sharp movement, turning to look his admirer dead in the eye.

"He's looking at me," she breathed in awe, aching to reach through the glass and run her palm across dark sapphire scales. "Do you think he wants to eat me?"

Betelgeuse loved snakes. If he could devise a safe way of keeping this massive serpent with them, he'd be happy to steal him for her. A plaque beside the glass said this particular specimen was from Greece. His name was Nox, and he was alone here because female Basilisks were few and far between. Poor guy.

Lydia was completely entranced. Betel ran a hand down her back as the snake cane to look at her, raising his head curiously.

"Maybe? Maybe he just thinks you're sexy. Says here he hasn't got any in centuries. I feel yer pain, buddy."

The serpent cocked its head and looked at him, then the stroller, then back to Lydia. Being something of a serpent himself, Betel felt as though he understood somehow what the snake meant by this, like a voice in his head.

Your eggs?

"Yeah, these are our babies. Girls." The snake seemed ecstatic at this, coiling himself as tight to the glass as he could get. Betel pulled out his wallet and pressed pictures of the girls and Lydia to the glass for the snake to see, always happy to show off.

"This here's Holly, and this one's Ivy. They were both born right before Christmas." Christmas? "... er. Snake. Right. They were born in the cold months."

The serpent seemed to be greatly concerned by this and Betel frowned as he listened to him worry over eggs hatched in the winter.

"Yeah, yeah. Their mother is just fine. See?" He pulled Lydia into his side and kissed her cheek. "He likes ya, babes. These guys are pretty obsessed with reproduction since it's so hard for 'em. Like high school boys."

Lydia watched on in abject delight as Betelgeuse for all intents and purposes appeared to be carrying on a conversation with the snake. It made sense. They were creatures of a similar ilk.

He likes you.

"I love him," she extolled dreamily, then repeated the sentiment directly to sweet Nox. "I love you."

His scales shuddered against the glass, a forked tongue darting out to taste the air as the corner of his serpentine mouth twisted upward in an indiscernible Mona Lisa smile.

"We have to go now." She didn't want to, but they couldn't really spend all day here keeping him company. It wasn't reasonable. They'd already spent a decent chunk of time dawdling and making polite conversation.

"We'll come see you again soon. You can meet our girls. They love snakes."

Slowly, they departed from the reptile house, leaving their special glasses behind in a bin. Lydia hated leaving poor Nox behind all alone, but there was nothing to be done about it.

"He'll be okay," she assured herself as they strolled back through the zoo, toward the gift shop and exit. Holly and Ivy were still soundly asleep, worn out from all the excitement. "Maybe they'll find him a nice girl snake, or he'll pull a badass escape. Poor baby."

"Yeah, well. Maybe he'll come and visit if he breaks out. Think you can train them if ya get em young enough."

Inside the gift shop, Betel was thrilled to find a life-size plush of their friend Nox. He insisted that the girls would sleep better if they had it, remembering how comfortable they'd been in his own coils. Massive toy in tow, he transported them all home, not wanting to waste time with driving. The girls were tucked into their beds, the dogs on watch, and the giant snake toy curled into the corner of their crib.

He pulled his wife into his arms as he watched them sleep, kissing her gently.

"Happy Valentine's Day, kitten. Did ya have fun?"

"It was perfect… Beej. Our babies were blessed by pixies."

There were still luminescent particles dusting their rosy cheeks and dark lashes, reflecting dim nightlight and making them glow in their crib. It would have to be washed off eventually, but Lydia was content to leave them in the pixie dust a little while longer. As soon as she had a moment to do so, she had every intention of scouring the library for historical accounts of pixie blessings to see what exactly this meant for their girls.

Having spent nearly a year in the Neitherworld, Lydia was somewhat desensitized to supernatural goings-on as well as the existence of monsters and mythical creatures, but this event was fantastical enough to put stars back in her eyes.

"Think you can train them if ya get em young enough."

"That's amazing. I love the Neitherworld. I don't ever want to go back up there… though…"

There was a pause while she contemplated what she left behind when she came here to be his wife.

"I wonder how much time has passed. I wonder if Delia and my father had a kid. They talked about it sometimes. It would be nice if Holly and Ivy had an aunt or uncle. I guess they have Jacques and Ginger though… and Adam and Barb… and Juno. They're not really lacking in the family department."

Dropping her voice to a gentle hush, she leaned over their crib, whispering sweet nothings to the slumbering cherubs.

"You're so loved… everybody loves you so much… nothing bad will ever happen to you… little angels…"

He smiled as she whispered to the babies, his hands roaming over her back and sides gently.

"They're perfect kids. I still don't know how I had any part of them." He bent to kiss her cheek gently. "They're gonna sleep for a while. We could continue the love fest we got goin... maybe you wanna use your Christmas present. I'll let ya..."

He didn't like the thought of being submissive in bed, but if his girl wanted to give it a go, he'd let her. Besides, being tied up didn't mean he couldn't control the situation.

She giggled at his scandalous suggestion, turning in his arms to stretch up on her tiptoes and kiss his wide, crooked nose. It was a very cute nose, in Lydia's esteemed opinion.

"You want to play? I'll play."

With that, she turned him around and shoved him toward their bedroom with more strength than he was expecting, excited for the opportunity to boss him around for once.

"Shackle yourself, slave. I'm going to go get some things and I expect you to be good and cuffed by the time I come upstairs. Is that understood?"