Wrecker is a bean and I love him lol

Hunter is also a bean, a dangerous bean at that

"And that's the process of DNA replication!"

After leaving the ship, Tech fell into step beside me and asked if he could tell me about the process. Since I had told him he could explain it later, I shrugged and said "Go for it". We walked ahead of the other three Bad Batchers who, like Tech, carried their helmets under their arms. The nerd had grown excited quickly, his enthusiasm chasing away the salt from my encounter with Crosshair and bringing a soft smile to my face. He certainly knew his stuff, for while I understood a majority of his explanation some of the finer details went straight over my head.

Nevertheless, it was interesting to hear him chatter on about it.

"Thanks for the refresher, Tech," I said with a grin. "Some of that was new to me, but I'm always happy to learn new material. Just don't spring a pop quiz on me."

" Some of that was new?" Hunter asked, surprised. "You actually followed what he said?"

"That was the final essay on my Biology 101 class exam, of course I followed it."

Tech asked, smiling, "That's the exam you wore pajamas to?"

I glanced at him. "Yep! Skeleton onesie. It was cold and rainy, plus early, and I ran out of fucks to give so I wore the damn onesie. My friends thought I was playin' when I said I would but nope !"

"I should have known you were a nerd," Crosshair scoffed.

"I am a science major, Twiggs. And I'll wear that title of nerd like a badge of honor!" I said over my shoulder.

"So, you're one of those women who prefer a man to have all their power upstairs?"

I stopped and faced him, eyes slightly narrowed. Was he really going to bring something like that up? What did my preferences have to do with anything? But if he really wanted to go down that road, then I was game.

"Brains are a plus. But as far as instant attraction goes, muscles and humor will do it for me. I love a smart man, but I also like a guy who can kick some ass in hand to hand and joke while doing so. My last boyfriend was a black belt at the place I did martial arts." My teeth bared in a grin. "It was always hilarious whenever someone asked me how I met this intimidating martial artist and my tiny self could look them dead in the eye and say 'I bruised his ribs'." A loud laugh shook my chest and I found myself wheezing as I recalled the utter terror in people's eyes as they looked between me and my ex.

"You bruised ribs at fourteen?" Wrecker exclaimed, jaw dropped.

"Sure did!" I managed between laughs. "My roundhouse kicks were lethal from day one. I was on my school ridin' team for four years prior to karate, from eleven to fourteen. That builds leg muscle like you wouldn't believe, especially after riding bareback or without stirrups." Pulling myself together, I continued, "There's a reason the grown men were terrified of me. My ex was the only one who would stand in front of me after a while, but even he had to stop after I reached brown belt."

"Wait, ex ?" Wrecker looked me up and down. "You're single?"

The fuck ? "Aye?"

He looked at the others. "Dibs."

Oh, it's gonna be one of thoseself inserts. Wonderful. "I'm not a sandwich, nobody gets dibs, sir," I snorted, halfway annoyed and halfway flattered. "You want my attention, gotta try harder than that."

"Challenge accepted," Wrecker said with a grin, winking at me.

I couldn't help but return his grin with a sly one of my own. "And here I thought Crosshair was the group charmer."

Crosshair rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't you love that, sweetheart?"

"Oh sure," I retorted. "My life would be complete if I got a compliment from the homicidal twig himself.".

Hunter had been silently watching us but his eyes suddenly shifted behind me. "Tech!"

I turned and saw that the engineer no longer stood beside me. Instead, he was making his way uphill towards something I wish I had noticed earlier; a barn, small pasture, and riding ring.

Trevor hadn't mentioned this. What species were on this planet? What'd they look like? How big were they? Did they have fur? Scales? Where they bipedal, quadrupedal? Predatory, herbivorous?

I started to follow him, only to be held back by a strong hand on my shoulder. Looking back at Hunter in confusion, I asked, "What?"

"I want to talk to you." His hand tightened. "Alone."

Aw shit . My ears immediately shifted backwards, to which Wrecker exclaimed, "Hey! Her ears do wiggle!" Turning a deadpan glare to him, I muttered, "Shaggy here is about to gut me and that's what you're worried about?"

" Shaggy ?" Hunter echoed. "And why do you constantly think I'm going to stab you?"

"That was a joke!" I turned my deadpan look back to Hunter. "I do that. And have you seen your hair? It's shaggy."

He looked me up and down for a moment before shaking his head and muttering under his breath. Turning to Wrecker and Crosshair, he said, "Go with Tech, make sure he doesn't get into any trouble like he usually does whenever he finds a research opportunity."

"Copy that, Sarge!" Wrecker laughed, scooping up Crosshair with one arm.

The sniper quickly caught his helmet before snarling at Wrecker, " Put me down ."

"Not so fun on the receivin' end of his cuddles, huh, Twiggs?" I snickered.

"Karma always comes around, brat," Crosshair hissed. "Don't gloat."

"Aw, I'm sorry, sweetie," I retorted with false sweetness. If looks could kill, I'm pretty sure the sniper would have ended my life right then and there.

"You know he'll get you back for that later, right?" Hunter said, standing beside me.

"Oh absolutely. But then I'll get him back, and the cycle will continue."

"He does not play to get even," the sergeant said, jerking his head for me to follow him. "He plays to win. And didn't I tell you two to get along?"

"I get along with people by coming for their lives," I snorted, lingering back a few feet as he led the way into the trees.

"You don't come after me," Hunter replied, a slight smirk on his face as he glanced over his shoulder to make sure I was still following.

"I can insult you if you'd like, startin' with those weird shoulderpads."

"Don't even think about it," he snorted, stopping. Turning to face me, he said, "I think you're smart enough to know what I want to talk to you about."

"Well I doubt it's about how to knit a sweater," I said uneasily, shifting my weight to my toes with my right leg ready to kick him back if need be.

"Not quite. Make this easier on the both of us and just tell me what I want to know," Hunter said, but stayed where he was as he glanced at my leg.

How lovely that we both know exactly what he's talking about...

"Not sure I want to," I retorted.

His gaze sharpened, eyes slightly narrowing. Great, he was doing that Soul Stare again. I hated it when he did that. The skull tattoo on the left side of his face really upped the intimidation factor, as did the fact he stood about a head taller than me.

"Stop that Soul Stare shit, it makes me feel funny," I grumbled.

"I'll stop when you spill it."

"And get my guts spilled? No thanks," I shot back, tense.

He exhaled slowly through his nose, shaking his head. "I'm not going to stab you, or turn on you, just because you're the same species as those invaders."

I quickly said, "I can tell you right here and now that I have no desire to side with anyone who treats someone like a slave. I'm not aligned with them at all."

"I didn't think you were," Hunter said. "Or I would have given the order for the fellas to restrain you."

"Well... uh thanks?"

Hunter nodded and extended his hand. "And I give you my word they won't attack you when they learn your species either."

I squinted at it. "Not sure I wanna touch that. Last time I shook your hand you ended up sittin' on me," I remarked dryly, poking at his fingers.

He raised an eyebrow. "Then why get your hand close enough for me to grab?" His hand jerked and locked onto my wrist.

"Simple, Shaggy," I said, turning my wrist to look at my palm before pushing my arm out to the side, breaking his grip. "I can do that if you grab my wrist."

He looked from his hand to me and a faint smile crept across his face. "Soft style, huh?"

I shrugged. "It's my fave."

"Hmm. But I did mean it. The others won't attack you. Wrecker and Tech have taken a liking to you already," he commented, dropping his hand back to his side.

"Couldn't tell," I snorted, a faint smile of my own on my face.

"What? Here I thought you were clever."

"Oh, you wound me, Sarge!" I gasped in mock offense, putting a hand to my chest.

"Ha."

My grin returned before I sighed. "Alright. I'll give you some insight into my species since that's why you dragged me out here."

"Maybe you are clever."

"Hardy har. We're a warrior species called Alphians, hailin' from a planet called Kelusia in the Stone's Throw star system. We are so invincible and powerful because that's how our species was created to be. We aren't natural."

"Alphian," he repeated slowly, testing the word. "A warrior species, huh?" He looked me up and down. "That explains your tenacity and ferocity in battle, especially when cornered."

"Oh that's just me being stubborn," I laughed. "That wasn't me bein' an Alphian, that was me bein' Shadow."

"Wait, if you can shapeshift and use an element... then why the hells didn't you use one of those powers to escape us?"

"Definitely would have made it much quicker. But also much more dangerous. You'd be much meaner in your methods to catch me. I've seen what y'all can do. Not to mention the damage I'd do to y'all."

"What all can you do?" Hunter asked. To my surprise, he seemed genuinely curious.

"I can shapeshift into certain animals, control an element, am stronger pound for pound than a human of my size, and there's also this little doo-dad." Tensing my arm, I flicked my right hand backwards. A thin, six-inch blade shot out of the magical sheathe on my wrist, glinting in the low light.

Brown eyes went wide as Hunter muttered in Mando'a and grabbed my arm.

Quickly, I yelped, "It does not come out! Don't try to pull it!"

Hunter thankfully heeded my words, instead running a thumb along the edge of the blade. "It's sharp."

"Well, yeah. That's the point ." I relaxed my arm and jerked my wrist forward, sheathing the blade back.

"Where does it even go? You have no gauntlet," he said, frowning as he let go of my arm.

"Magic. Seriously, shit's everywhere on Kelusia." I laughed softly. "You know, Tech would probably love it there. Given the wacky nonsense magic can cause, he'd have a damn field day loggin' stuff about it."

"He'll certainly get a chance," Hunter said, "Because you're going to take us to this planet."

"Er... I don't know how to get there."

He seemed to think about that for a moment. "How'd you get here ?"

"Portals. Recall what I said about magic? The entire star system of Stone's Throw is linked by them, or more specifically through something called the Network." What a fucked up little labyrinth that is. "I can't get a ship there, I don't know the coordinates."

"Alright, where's this portal?"

A sudden wave of information slammed into me again. It was only a singular image, but the force of the powerful explosion ripping apart the mountain before my eyes was enough to knock me off my feet even here. Hitting the leaf strewn ground with a thud, I gripped my head. "For fuck's sake, can't get a moment of peace in this house. If this is the price of knowledge, I'll stay stupid."

"You need to stop doing that," Hunter groaned, kneeling beside me.

"Because I do this shit voluntarily," I grumbled. "But I have an answer for you. Can't use the portal."

"Why?"

"Eh... it blew up. We gotta go to the Vault. Looks like you lovely Batchers are stuck with me longer."

"And here I was getting my hopes up."

I squinted at him, but a dry grin had spread across his face. I gave him a lopsided frown in return. "Hilarious. You Bad Batchers are something else in person."

"How much do you know about us? People in the GAR hardly know us. And you aren't even military."

How would I ever explain ' Yo, I'm a fandom hopper and the shit you and your brothers went through was done on purpose and oh hey by the way all the risks you take are utterly useless in the grand scheme '? Immediately I decided to never tell him about that. Explanation issues aside, what better way to make someone feel utterly helpless than tell them that all their hard work, all their sacrifices, were in vain?

Self inserts are supposed to be happy, damnit. Where is my happy? I want a refund .

"Er... I've seen videos. Plan 82, Shockwave, is pretty cool especially how you use your unique traits to carry it out. Great teamwork! Y'all really are impressive, more so in person of course but you know how that goes. I know Wrecker has super strength and a bad habit of throwing people, Tech is a whiz kid who will spout random trivia, Crosshair can nail a target from 10 clicks and is soft as sandpaper, and you're basically a human shark with your electromagnetic sensing abilities and you are kick ass with that knife." I pointed to the blade on his arm before laughing. "Not gonna lie, thought meeting Clone Force 99 would be pretty cool. But I didn't want to meet y'all while I was a target! Definitely not ideal."

The man looked over me for a few moments, face unreadable. "You are one interesting woman," Hunter remarked thoughtfully after a few moments.

I tilted my head to the side slightly. "That a compliment?"

"Haven't decided yet. But it might be."

"Don't give me those often. They make me short circuit," I chuckled.

A smile ghosted Hunter's lips. "I'll remember that."

" Alphian! Are you alright ?"

I sighed at the sound of someone new. "I'm fine. Thanks for..."

The air froze in my lungs when I found myself staring at not a human, but one of my original species. A small feline the size and overall shape of a Maine Coon but with the tail and feet of a lemur; a tacrumel. Lemur Cat backwards. Dark stripes sliced through a cream pelt like shadows cast by trees on a forest floor and splashes of white fur marked its chest, paws, and muzzle while bright green eyes looked me up and down.

"Askin'..." Swallowing, I glanced at Hunter.

He looked from the tacrumel to me, back to the tacrumel, then back to me. "Did you... understand that animal?"

"Er... yeah. It's a tacrumel, they're Kelusian. Must have come through the portal before the minor fireworks mishap. Alphians can talk with the native animals on our planet."

" This clone has nice head fur ."

I couldn't help but crack up laughing.

Hunter looked down at the tacrumel, which had made its way over and now stood beside the commando pushing its head into his hand in a demand for pets. "What'd it say?" he asked, patting it on the head.

"Said you had nice head fur," I replied, eyes shifting to his hair. Seriously, how did it stay that fluffy inside the helmet?

"And you agree?"

"I can recognize when someone has nice hair, sergeant. I'm only half blind," I snorted as I got to my feet. I looked down at the tacrumel as it trotted over to me. Stopping at my feet, it stood on its hind legs and reached towards me.

" Up ."

I rolled my eyes and scooped the large feline into my arms. Grunting as I tried to adjust the heavy animal, I managed to cradle the tacrumel on its back. "You're a heavy bean."

"Bean?" Hunter asked.

"I call animals beans. I call people beans too. I know many murderous beans." I snickered, recalling how mad Allan got the one time I called him that to his face. "It is hilarious to call dangerous people that and watch them flip out."

He seemed to know exactly what I was thinking. "Don't you dare," he warned, turning back to the barn. "Let's get back to the others."

" Hey, you found another stabby individual for a friend !" the tacrumel chirped, hand-like paws flopped in the air as he curled his silky soft prehensile tail around my forearm.

"What'd it say now?"

"That you're a stabby individual," I translated as I fell into step beside him.

He chuckled. "True, I suppose."

I scoffed good-naturedly. "You suppose ? And I suppose that thing on your forearm is decorative."

"Says the one who owns a big machete," Hunter shot back as we entered the barn.

"Fair." I looked around the barn and immediately my eyes went to the creatures.

The name Hillguides flickered across my mind. Roughly the size of a Belgian Draft, the beasts were stocky with dark bay fur, a pale underbelly, dark zebra stripes, and a spiky mane running down the nape of their neck from the crown of their head to their shoulders. While the overall shape of the skull resembled a moose, as did the large antlers, a boxy muzzle closer to a bear no doubt hid some sharp teeth within. Nevertheless, I could tell by the eyes, which were oriented on the sides of their heads, I was dealing with prey animals. Which meant the predators were sure to be something nasty.

Crosshair had perched himself atop a stack of hay bales, reinforcing my pigeon theory as he leaned back against the wall watching his brothers with a sharp eye and a toothpick between his teeth. His rifle rested across his lap, but overall he appeared relaxed. Until he saw me, at least. "Kitten."

I returned his lovely greeting. "Cactus."

He chuckled. "Need to do better than that."

"No, that insult stays. Because I've met some pricks in my day but you're a damn cactus," I retorted.

Wrecker stood by one of the large mounts patting its nose, a smile on his face that about near melted my heart. Such a big softy. Oh man I was a goner within the next few days. And he already planned to flirt with me. Yep, this was definitely gonna be one of those fics.

A shaggy tail wagged back and forth behind the Hillguide as it leaned into the large clone's touch.

I was not at all happy when I recognized Jealousy creeping up inside of me.

You snapped at Wrecker when he tried to pet your hair, now you're jealous? Really?

I am a touch starved disaster with more salt than is good for me. Piss off and let me dream .

Tech, meanwhile, crouched by one of the tracks in the dirt. Seeing me, he perked up and a smile spread across his face. "Shadow! Can you tell me what animal made this track so I can add it to my database? I already checked the creatures, it doesn't match."

A glance at the beasts' feet showed hooves similar to a moose as well, so I walked over to stand beside Tech. Looking at the tacrumel in my hands, I called, "Hey, Wrecker." When the giant turned to look at me, I gestured for him to take the tacrumel. He stared at me with slight shock before the tacrumel squirmed out of my arms and onto Wrecker's shoulder. Trying not to laugh at the stunned look on the clone's face, I crouched beside Tech and peered at the track. "It's fresh, the dirt is pressed down clearly. Feline too, notice how the claw imprints don't show?"

Hunter crouched and pointed at a faint imprint on the outer edge. "Was it hurt?"

"I'm good, but not that good." I studied the track closer, namely the faint imprint.

"But, if it was predatory," Tech began. "Surely these creatures would be agitated. They look calm. If a predator was in here, wouldn't it have eaten them?"

" Rushing River would never eat his stable mates !" the tacrumel hissed indignantly from where it had wedged itself in Wrecker's neck armor like a strange scarf.

I looked up. Rushing River? That sounded like a Kelusine name. Another one of my original species, the cat the Alphian in the video turned into. Massive apex predators, they heavily resembled the extinct smilodons of earth aside from mane growth, shorter saber teeth, and... I peered closer at the pad. Yep, that faint imprint was of the thumb-like appendage located where their dew claw should be. A Kelusine... I was dealing with a Kelusine.

A small influx of information flowed into my brain. Not image heavy, this one only gave me a mild headache. A large, saber-toothed feline with dark grey fur blazed in my mind, Forester subspecies judging by the broad muzzle and sturdy yet sleek tail. A laid-back individual, he oversaw the barn at night and made sure the mounts stayed in and predators out. Older, pushing 120 years, he preferred to lounge around in the sun.

Crosshair snapped his rifle into place in a single fluid motion and pointed it at the barn doors. "Not one step further, beast."

Oh dear .