Sango was more than happy to come along with him and present their puppies to his grandmother. She seemed to be completely at ease at the foot of her bed, happily explaining how Sesshomaru was going to spoil her rotten.
"You deserve it." Grammy told her evenly. She'd continued her knitting, "so long as you remember to spoil him in return."
He didn't really think that was necessary.
"I can admit that I don't really know how to spoil a rich man." She stroked the fur of the sleeping puppy, absently watching the yarn become wrapped around the clicking needles.
"You needn't worry about it right now."
It would seem that everyone wanted him balls deep in Sango and he was starting to wonder why he was fighting it so hard.
He clearly had his mother's blessing.
"So what should we name them?" Sango turned so she was facing both of them, "I was thinking Lord Paws, y'know, in honor of Lady Floof?"
"I would like to point out that I was nine." Those same naming patterns didn't necessarily appeal to him anymore, "besides, I want these guys to be entirely separate from Lady Floof."
He didn't know why she had to gaze at him while she spoke. It would have been fine by him if she'd kept her melty eyes on the dog. At least then he didn't feel himself hurtling through space, powerless to stop himself from falling- no, crashing.
"So it's not like you're replacing her." Sango tapped her chin, "okay, then what about Hikaru?"
"And Haruki?"
She seemed content with that, "but what about their last names! We're a split household, y'know, so don't you dare think they're going to be Hiriko."
"Excuse you ma'am. I'm the man in all this." She snorted at him, "if you want them to have your last name you're free to marry me for it."
Her huff of indignation tickled him more than it should have, "don't have a fiancée already?" She asked sweetly, "how about you worry about breaking things off with her before you go proposing to me?"
"I'm not … technically engaged. No questions have been asked and no rings exchanged, jealous woman."
Her smile dimmed a bit, "yeah, but you are promised to one another. If you don't say no then you'll be married to the meek and beautiful Haruhi." The brilliance of her smile returned, but he was no longer charmed by it. It wasn't real. She just didn't want to make a scene. "So, I'm thinking one Takeda and one Hiriko?"
"Or we could hyphenate for now."
"Sure, unfortunately, I've gotta blast. We're spending the evening with some of my old high school friends since we're all leaving tomorrow." Sango shuffled off the bed with Hikaru bundled in her arms, "you're free to come so long as you don't offer to marry all of my female friends."
She was being inordinately sour all of a sudden and Sesshomaru would not be left in the dark. He dropped his lips upon his grandmother's silver hair, bidding her goodbye as he chased after Sango.
"What does that even mean? Why would I bother with flirting with anyone else when I'm already struggling to flirt with you?"
"I don't know how you're so bad at it when it's all you seem to do. Fuck buddies with Kagura, engaged to Haruhi… isn't that enough for you?"
He hadn't acknowledged it fast enough and now he was paying for it. What a bother.
"There's nothing between Kagura and I. She's a raging lesbian with an occasional and conditional blindness to my status as a man."
Her eyes flickered downwards, "don't see how that's possible."
"I promise you. We aren't like that."
"The photos you frequently take and delete with her in them prove otherwise." She seemed to be grinding her teeth as she spoke, "just because you don't remember them doesn't mean they didn't happen."
No arguments there, "I have no interest in her, but I am also under no obligation to explain away my actions. Flirtations aside, I am not bound to you in any way." No matter how much he wished he was.
He watched himself shove his own size ten foot into his very own mouth, powerless to stop himself.
Was it so hard to reassure her when it was clear as day that it was all she wanted. Why was he being so defensive when he was the one who claimed he didn't want to jeopardize his chance with Sango. Wouldn't explaining himself make more sense than saying, 'you're nothing to me'?
"Sorry. I guess it was really stupid to think you would bother with me."
Shit. Her lip trembled, just a bit, and then she bit it down.
"Forget I said anything."
She rushed into their suite and he barely had time to process that she'd run off into her bedroom when InuYasha buried his fist into Sesshomaru's stomach.
Good thing he didn't eat much, otherwise it'd be spilling at his feet. The dumb ones always seemed to be the strongest.
"Whatever the fuck you did," both InuYasha and Miroku knelt in front of him, intimidating in their protectiveness of their friend, "you'd better fucking fix it."
Haruki wiggled free of his embrace, running to make the tiniest little, 'roo, roo!' at Sango's door.
"Shut up," Sesshomaru took a steadying breath, "I don't know how you expect me to to fix anything if I can't breathe." Under his shaky breath he muttered, "fucking imbecile," and followed after Sango.
Sesshomaru wished he had a sword that he could fall upon, because there was no one to blame for her sadness but himself. There was no plane ticket to be bought, no problem that could be paid away.
He'd hurt her somehow and now he was paying for it.
"It's really no big deal." She snuffled, "being on my period just makes me weirdly emotional. It's fine. You're fine."
"Mother gets really emotional once a month and she calls me the first day- without fail- and makes me promise to never cheat on my wife." He climbed onto the bed beside her, drawing her out of the sad little shrimp curl she'd adopted. "She always apologizes right afterwards, claims she has no idea what came over her, but I know it's because it still bothers her."
She tried again, struggling to return to her place around the pillow, "you don't owe me anything. You've given me enough. More than enough."
He wasn't sure how he was supposed to handle this. She'd convinced herself that she was the one in the wrong- somehow- and Sango was nothing if not stubborn.
"I didn't know you were into me."
She scowled at him, "you don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh?" He laid beside her, "then feel free to explain, kitten. I'm all ears."
"There's nothing to explain."
"Let's start with the staring match you were so engrossed in earlier."
Her hair wound around his fingers like silk and he found that he never wanted to let go. It didn't hurt that she was peering at him, bashful for once in her life.
"I wanted to know if you still had the piercing. I didn't see it when you stripped last time."
Safe to say, he didn't remember stripping. And the more he found himself saying that- he didn't remember- the more he saw what a problem these benders were becoming.
How long before he did something that he couldn't take back?
"I do, but I don't wear it when I hang out with Kagura." The urge to show people became weirdly pronounced and the last thing he needed was his dick floating around the internet.
"Any particular reason?"
She was really starting to dislike Kagura. He could see it in the way she scowled at her mere mention. Which wouldn't do.
"None that you'd like to hear. I think you need to understand that my infatuation is with you alone. Whatever Alter-Sesshomaru does in those grayed out moments is neither who I am nor what I want."
Her fingers around his wrist slid into his sleeve, "if you are routinely two different people then I think that's its own problem." She watched the scratches come into view, "is it so bad that this is the only way you can maintain control."
He shrugged, "maybe I just have dry skin. Your assumptions have the power to be considered quite rude."
"It's only been four days." She continued, "but you'll do it again, won't you? It doesn't matter that you do things that don't coincide with who you say you are. And it doesn't matter that it's eating away at you."
"I've been doing some reconsidering." He admitted slowly, "seems like I remember less and less. It's only a matter of time before I do something I can't just laugh off."
Her fingers left soothing ribbons along his cheeks, "your grandmother knows." And he felt his heart go cold in his chest. If there was one person he could not bear to disappoint it was her, but Sango didn't have the decency to shut her mouth. "You won't believe how scared she is that you'll fall through the cracks once she's gone."
"There's only one way she could know-,"
The disbelief and rage that snapped across her face as she shoved away from him were unmistakable.
"Don't you dare." Her words were as sharp as the crack of a whip, "I wouldn't want to worry her that way! But she's known you your entire life. She knows you don't have dry skin and she knows you don't fidget. It's not hard to figure out."
"It's not something I notice I'm doing." He admitted finally, "and what of my mother? They gossip like old bitties."
Sango had completely withdrawn from him at this point, her expression crackling like storm clouds, "you genuinely thought I went airing your dirty laundry to your family? After all you've done for me? You're 'infatuated' with me, but you don't trust me?"
He supposed he should deal with one problem at a time, "what would you have thought? If I didn't trust you you wouldn't know any of this, however, it is the most logical conclusion to draw."
Her raised eyebrow invited him to explain, "if you feared I was in over my head it wouldn't be out of character for you to seek aid from a high power," he pitched his voice high, making himself sound like a sassy mouse, " 'it's for his own good. He'll get over it'."
She laughed despite herself, shattering her attempts to remain somber, "your mother didn't believe her. They got into a pretty heated argument about it all. Your mom insisted that a guy like you was too focused to fall for something like that." Her amusement couldn't last in the face of their conversation and he was sorry that he couldn't keep that smile on her face.
"That got your grandmother...heated, to say the least. She insisted that you were human and the constant revocation of the right to behave as such was probably what drove you off that cliff to begin with."
The accuracy was scary. In a pursuit of perfection he'd found a superhuman mindset. He could do anything he wanted when he was Alter-Sesshomaru. Deadlines were no problem, fatigue was nonexistent. He didn't need food or kindness or boundaries.
In those moments he was Lord of the West, immovable and unstoppable. But somewhere along the way his humanity had triumphed. He'd become dependent upon it, craving and shaking and fiending until it was all he could consider.
"Doesn't matter what drove me here. I'll tell her she's wrong-,"
"Couldn't you just...stop?" For a moment his expression was incredulous, like she'd been the one to say something wrong. Then he realized how icky he'd feel if he lied to his own gran.
Wasn't that the mindset of a junky? Whatever it takes to feel okay.
And Gods did he want to feel okay again.
"Not easily."
But did Sango really expect him to ask for her help? To willingly walk into a rehabilitation center and let them chain him to a mattress like he was some kind of violent criminal?
"Nothing worth having is easy, Maru," she ran her fingers along his throat, smirking in the face of the breathlessness that seized him, "and aren't I worth having? Isn't your gran's peace of mind worth the energy you'd need to expend?"
And he knew the answer before he had a moment to consider it, "I suppose I should apologize in advance for the attitude you're going to receive in these next few weeks."
"You'll get as good as you give." She murmured and that was fair enough, "I'm no one's punching bag."
There was a knock on the door that gave them a moment's warning before InuYasha came kicking the door in, "Sango, where does Kagome keep her period shit?"
"InuYasha, will you have some tact?"
Sesshomaru could see Miroku holding the bundled up sheets in his arms, leaning backwards to peer into the bedroom, "Sesshomaru, I hope you don't mind spending your time… elsewhere. Kagome's not feeling well and she has sent me to request that you stay gone."
"What is this Bloody Bluetooth Bullshit."
Sango spluttered, gasping in pain and amusement, "what is actually wrong with you, Maru?"
InuYasha came up triumphant, holding a lacking bag of something foreign to Sesshomaru, "Sango, do you have extras?"
She shook her head, "I was going to ask Kagome."
For once, InuYasha seemed almost mature, "make yourself useful, Sesshomaru." He pulled the two pink wrapped items from the bag and shoved the trash in his hands, "go get two of these, some kind of pain killer, and strawberry hi-chew."
"Oh!" Sango clapped her hands together, "and vanilla coolish? Please."
"And you can't send mother's attendant, because…?"
Miroku was by the door now, searching for his key card, "Kagome is very particular about period stuff. It's just better for everyone if we are kind and considerate to the women in our lives- not just the ones we wish to be intimate with."
"Rich coming from the man who introduced himself as someone who wanted to bone as many women as would have him."
Sango jabbed him in the side, "haven't you heard? Miroku fancies himself in love. Hasn't grabbed a stray ass in two whole weeks."
"And Miroku's always been a good guy," InuYasha said, digging out a large shirt that Sango usually wore, "unlike someone in this room, he doesn't flirt with girls while he's already engaged."
He felt Sango's gaze freeze over and she withdrew her teasing finger.
"Let's not forget that you're going to be engaged soon enough or your mom's going to disappear." Since he wanted to remind Sango of that trivial piece of information, "mother will speak to Haruhi's father on my behalf. How will you get out of yours?"
He let himself into the room that held his stuff, warning Kagome that he was entering.
"Can't do InuYasha's bidding without my wallet." He'd muttered once she scowled at him, "and stay out of my shit." He could smell his skin oils in the air like cologne.
"You don't say anything when Sango goes in your stuff," was her petulant reply, "what's it even matter? You don't have anything interesting in your toiletries bag."
That's because he kept the interesting shit locked up tight in his computer bag. Surely they didn't believe he'd just leave his more private possessions out on the counters.
"I will dig through your belongings when I return and then we can have a nice long talk about boundaries, since you seem to have none."
Angry tears sprung into her eyes and he recoiled, he was starting to think that Miroku's advice had been more of a warning than anything.
"Enough with the crocodile tears, what is it that you were digging around for?"
She swiped at her face, "well, Miroku and I were thinking… maybe you had something fun. You're always so mellow, we kinda thought you might just be… constantly stoned?"
He hadn't wanted to laugh at that, but her expression-
She looked equal parts ashamed and hopeful, "it's not that weird to think! You're best friends with the campus drug store."
"Well, if you know where to get it then why don't you?"
She threw her hands in the air, wincing in pain at the quick movement, "her prices are ridiculous! Even Miroku isn't willing to shell out that kind of money." He hadn't realized that people could be so routinely poor. Honestly, Kagura flew to Amsterdam to collect her wares, rode the train to France, and then risked prison time to smuggle them back in.
The cost was worth the risk and the discretion.
"InuYasha says he gets it so much cheaper when he's at home with his mom, but he's hardly allowed to talk to his mom so that's hopeless too."
"The tragedy of poverty." He undid the code lock upon his computer bag and dug to the bottom. There lay a blue box, locked with another code- a separate code, "I take no responsibility for your reaction to this." And then he held out a bottle of oil.
"Is it…?"
"What?" He let an evil smile claim his lips, "are we close enough that you can dig through my things, but not close enough to open your mouth and say ahh?"
At her flushed glare he said, "peculiar."
"Sesshomaru, do you live to disobey basic orders or..?" Miroku stood in the doorway, his jaw clenched, "I don't think asking to be left alone is such a tall order. Especially not for someone as reclusive and closed off as you."
"Temper, temper," Sesshomaru chuckled, "Kagome and I were having a very pleasant conversation."
"You were flirting with her."
That made his laughter all the colder, "don't I have to have some kind of pleasant intention for it to be flirting? She dug through my things so I wanted to make her as uncomfortable as she made me. Karma, y'know?"
But Miroku was not as amused as Sesshomaru was. It would seem that they simply could not get on the same page. What a pity.
"You don't really give a damn about anyone, but yourself. Do you?"
He shrugged, "you're just mad that I'm right. InuYasha will be forced to marry a nice girl at the gala in a few months and you know he won't choose… this." Sesshomaru waved his hand between Miroku, Kagome, and an imaginary third, "because the price of his disobedience will be too much to pay."
"Of course I am. It's not a crime to care about someone. See, I don't have an inferiority complex so convoluted and self imposed that I have to deny my most basic desires."
Sesshomaru popped his neck, deliberate and unbothered, hiding the seething frustration that rolled along his skin like boiling oil.
"Sad to hear it, but you also lack ambition and direction. So, I think it makes up for it."
"Not everything in life is about financial gain or mowing down your opponents. There are people that just want to be happy."
Sesshomaru chuckled, "what a novel concept."
Miroku wasn't a fighter. His movements were clumsy and slow and Sesshomaru didn't have as much trouble with him as he would have had with InuYasha.
"Friendly reminder. I'm not friendly. Stop trying to make me into something you can swallow. I won't fall for your clay smiles. I won't tell you my secrets."
Kagome was tugging on Sesshomaru's shoulder, trying to stop things before they went too far. A little late, but he appreciated her spirit.
"Buddha forgive me for trying to be kind." Miroku squirmed beneath his knee, "we aren't trying to change you. I'm only asking that you treat our friends with respect and kindness. And don't you think InuYasha is stressed enough?"
However, Sango and InuYasha were more than enough to liberate their talkative, untrustworthy friend.
"I think he should keep his mouth shut if he can't stand my rebuttal."
"And the rest of us think you should show some restraint." Miroku bit out, "contempt is not the only emotion you're allowed to feel. There are a host of other feelings that you are more than welcome to introduce yourself to."
"Whatever nasty reply is on your tongue." Sango dug her fingers into his wrist, "you don't have to say it. Miroku is right. InuYasha is stressed enough. Can't we just take a breath, separate, and come back once everyone is calm?"
How did she suck the venom out of his very spirit. Why did he look at Miroku, his violet stare unwavering, but oh so sad, and feel regret?
"It would seem that I was cruel. I offer you my apology. It's your choice if you take it or leave it."
Then he turned to Sango, "say ahh, Cramp Queen." She did, obedient and trusting, and he directed Kagome's attention to her friend, "that's why Sango can go through my things. I ask that you don't take the same liberties again."
He left their silent circle without another glance in their direction, locking his bag but leaving Sango with the bottle of oil.
No matter the heavy and uncomfortable silence he'd left behind, he couldn't help but feel vindicated. He'd forced Miroku to lose his cool. He'd finally seen the panic and rage that lay below the clay smile and he couldn't be more pleased.
oOo
A.N./ I did nothing but write all day because I desperately didn't want to clean my room. Which sounds very teen-ish. Not a teen. Just wildly immature.