Episode 12

"Everyone, I want you to make the worst possible impression on our next set of newbies." Mori says.

"Why?" Kenji asks cheerily.

"One of them is an insufferable dingbat." The director responds. "I assume you all have heard of Francis Fitzgerald?"

"The super-rich snob actor who's ability makes him strong when he spends money?" Kunikida thinks out loud.

Mori grimaces. "Bingo. He's playing the Guild leader and he is worse than the rumors say. So I wand all of you to freak him out. Gin, start recording."

"Why me?"

"You're the one who records everything for the Youtube fame anyway. Get ready."

As Fitzgerald opens the door, it is to a scene of chaos. Tachihara has Atsushi pinned to a wall with their mouths sealed together, Higuchi is chasing Dazai, who has her hairband around his wrist, and Chuuya, Kenji, Hirotsu and Fukuzawa are playing poker, Chuuya also drinking a bottle of wine. Kajii is mixing chemicals and giggling madly, Tanizaki and Naomi are in a slap fight, Akutagawa has Ranpo sitting on his shoulders and a dead look on his face, Elise is putting bows in Fukuzawa's hair, Kyouka is using Demon Snow to hold her whetstone as she sharpens her tanto, Yosano is organizing her tools, and Kunikida is yelling at the running Dazai.

The rich man's face pales as he sees the chaos he's going to have to work with.

Gin snickers as everything is recorded on a phone.

Fitzgerald turns to Mori. "Is this…normal?"

"This is a little worse than usual, but not much." Mori takes a deep breath. "CUT IT OUT!"

The chaos stops instantly.

"Now, this is your new coworker Francis Fitzgerald, he'll be the Guild Leader, and this is Lucy Montgomery, playing a Guild member. I'll let you lot get familiar."

"I had no idea that this country's criminal organization would be so incompetent." Fitzgerald drawls.

Akutagawa blinks. "I feel like I should be offended by that."

"He gets to carry a suitcase full of money?!" Kyouka demands.

"Only the top bills are money, the rest is paper." Mori corrects.

"That's still over a thousand dollars!"

"It's fake money."

"Aww…" She and Kenji whine in disappointment.

"Those blockheads are about the only ones you can't buy with money. Seriously. I've tried. They're too morally uptight to take a bribe." The businessman complains. "I just wanted to open a company here but I, due to being an Ability-user, need a Gifted Business Permit just to do that. It's discrimination!"

"It's called common fucking sense." Tachihara whispers from offset. "Something you seem to lack."

"CUT! Fitzgerald, Tachihara, there is a script!"

"Tachihara, huh?" Fitzgerald smirks. "I'll remember that."

"It is not meant to fall easily into the hands of the filthy rich, who have dollar bills for brains." Fukuzawa snaps.

Fitzgerald winces. "That's harsh. Do you really have to say that?"

"It's in the script. Live with it." Mori calls from his chair.

"I hate being implied to be in a relationship with my brother!" Naomi complains.

Tanizaki nods. "It's gross!"

"Wait, you two aren't really in a relationship?" Kyouka asks.

"HELL NO!" they yell.

"Mori gets to be in this episode? Isn't he the director?" Kunikida asks a scriptwriter.

He nods. "He decided he wanted to have a big part so we gave him the role of Mafia boss."

"Oh great." Tanizaki sighs.

"What's with the fisheye lens making me look like a psycho?" Lucy whines. "I'm not a crazy person!"

"In the show, you've got bloodlust."

"But I look so fucking insane!"

"If you keep complaining, he'll make it worse." Elise chirps.

"Never mind then."

"I'm sure you were valued highly from the moment you were born."

Atsushi starts laughing. And doesn't stop.

"What? What'd I say?"

Tachihara grimaces. "He's never had a family or a good situation. Once he got sold to organ traders."

"So he's laughing because I'm so wrong?"

"Basically."

"Game theory…Mori likes game theory?"

"Apparently."

"He's smart enough to understand it?"

"HEY!"

"Wonders never cease."