They stood outside the police station with an awkwardly large gap between them that Lovino had created. The bland coffee, much worse than the expensive stuff his brother preferred, tasting like cardboard. It was terrible and not nearly bitter enough for what he liked.

"You want to talk about what we can do to get you back?" Antonio asked. Lovino shook his head. "That's… Alright." It was a little awkward like he didn't know what to do with himself. He leaned against the wall seeming to create a plan in his head about what to say next.

Lovino sighed, putting the man out of his misery, "I'll talk about it. But I can't promise I'll agree to anything that involves him."

"You don't have to, you could just talk to me instead if you had anything to say." Lovino shook his head.

"He would have to look at it too, he's the detective." Antonio shrugged.

"Well, so am I, right?" The sceptical look Lovino gave him didn't seem to go entirely unnoticed as Antonio only slid closer. "Those people I work with are the closest to friends I have."

"Which is why I don't trust you to keep secrets from them." Antonio swallowed.

"I keep plenty secrets from them – I have to… I have similar interests to you." It was the most nervous and insecure he had seen from him. At the party, he seemed quite bold – Smiley, charismatic but now he could be likened to a teenager.

Lovino thought for a second, taking in his particular choice of words, "Oh," He realised. "I see." He needed another sip of that terrible coffee to clear his throat.

Antonio gave him a closed smile, "Which is why I think we should stick together. I would like it to be solved… Probably more than anybody would understand. Sometimes it's hard to think about it all too much, I believe Gilbert when he says he hasn't slept well. Neither have I."

"I wish it just never happened," Lovino admitted. It wasn't an odd thing to wish for, but it was too idealistic. It had happened already. To wish for something to somehow be better, the potential for better, it was unrealistic. It was impossible. "Instead I was just lucky." Antonio furrowed his brows as if he was investigating his face. He wasn't very good at reading people he assumed if he had to try so hard.

"Did you… Did you have anywhere that you needed to be?" He scoffed at the question. He did before his anger had controlled him. But it wasn't important per se, he just wanted a stroll. Like a normal person.

"No. I was just going to go back home," There was an uncomfortable part of him that was telling him to stop thinking so personally about everything. "You aren't doing what you did last time are you?"

"Last time?" Antonio frowned. He really was dumber than a bag of bricks.

"That trick – The one where you act like you're just suggesting I run off somewhere with you." He seemed nervous but so was Lovino. The anxiety on Antonio's face was something he had seen before. Especially when there were other ideas, but that expression usually happened at the bars, not somewhere like here and brightly lit. Maybe Feliciano was on to something when it came to talking to people in well-lit places.

"I don't think of it as a trick… I don't invite anybody anywhere in particular." The earnest tone of his voice made Lovino curious.

"You really don't, huh?" He scoffed. "For a supposedly successful cop you're pretty much a loser, aren't you?" Antonio shrugged.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that…" He smiled. "Although, I think I'm pretty average." No, he wasn't. Lovino thought of him as above average on more than one level.

"I don't think so." Antonio seemed hurt by that sentence. For some reason. Lovino was actually quite embarrassed he even said that as he planned on taking it back before Antonio responded. Unfortunately, Lovino didn't have the chance.

"Oh, I didn't think I was that bad." Lovino sighed. Another thing that Antonio was above average on a scale. Above averagely stupid.

"No, I meant the other way. The good way…" He shook his head. "You're the only halfway decent cop I've met," He smiled mockingly. "And I've dealt with a few of those before." Antonio's lips grew taut in thought. It was almost concerning how long he thought about it.

"That's good to hear from you. You would be a credible source with all that experience." He nodded in agreement with himself. Lovino was astonished by how little he seemed to think about the offence that could've been taken by an acquaintance telling him that.

"Tch, you really are a bastard. I take back everything nice I said." He said childishly. Even if he was credible. Most cops didn't bother with the formalities and went straight to being the worst people he had met – And Lovino could barely remember all those terrible people but it was clear when there was the especially horrible that could stand out in the recesses of his memory.

"Wha- Oh, I didn't mean anything by it – Sometimes I… Well," Antonio sheepishly smiled as he stumbled on his words. "I was never known for my tact."

"Yeah, well, I kind of picked that up when the only thing you could think of to make me feel any better was to give me some shitty bag of cashews." The jab had a playful ring to it that Antonio didn't seem to be picking up on. Or just didn't care. Given his historical proportions of failure to read the room though on Antonio's part, Lovino was thinking that it was the former. This was only solidified when Antonio frowned.

"I think they're a pretty convenient snack." He nodded absentmindedly. Taking a moment to think of what to say without sounding overly nice to an acquaintance, opening and closing his mouth several times to try and get it right. Quite honestly, he looked a little like a pufferfish.

"I was going to thank you for whatever this de-escalation method is but while I've become less angry you've replaced it with… Something else," He sighed in annoyance, unsure of what to do with himself. "I should go." Distress flashed in Antonio's eyes.

"Will you be coming back?" His first instinct was to shake his head. He didn't want to come back. "I think you should."

"Of course, you think I should. I have nothing else to give."

"But what if we think you do it might be important," Yes, he was well aware of that. But surely it was understandable to be selfish. Just once more. All the other times he had been selfish weren't for such important reasons – He wasn't sure how much more he could take. "It can be just like this. Make it less like sitting in a white, or grey, room."

"I don't want to keep thinking about it anymore. I want to move on." Antonio frowned.

"You can't rush moving on."

"Alright, asshole. You don't exactly look like someone who has had anything like this happen to you to move on from – You can't tell me what to do." Petty. So goddamn petty. But Antonio didn't flinch.

"You're right. I guess. It's kind of like calling the kettle black," He chuckled. "You take some time away from this, but I guarantee it'll keep eating at you unless you just scratch the itch." Just scratch the itch. Whatever the hell that was. Spill his guts. Cry? Scream? It was all so irrational; all it would serve to do is make him look like he was falling apart – Crazy. Yet Antonio seemed understanding enough to think otherwise, smiling at him with soft eyes.

"Whatever…" Taking a pen from the inside of his jacket Lovino watched as Antonio wrote something on his coffee cup. "What are you doing?"

It took a couple of seconds for Antonio to respond, handing the cup to him, "You should come here if you ever need anything… You know, just in case. But you should probably keep it discreet."

"Motherfucke-" With a grin, Antonio began to walk away. "Just where the hell is this?"

"It's not a bad area. I promise." That wasn't his point of contention, but it appeared he was too stupid to figure that out himself.

"If this is what I think it is then I'm going to kick your ass later," He growled. "I'm not a cruiser like my idiot brother." Such a thing was insulting to say the least.

"That implies there's going to be a later. Besides, I'd never expect something like that from you I just know you're more open like this... Without all the eyes." That was true at least but even then, it was hard to be trusting. Not with all that had happened.

"If I'm going, I'm bringing my brother," He decided. "I doubt he would think anything of it," Antonio's lips went taut as he thought over the agreement. "Come on, take it or leave it-"

"I mean, sure. I was just wondering if he's good at…" Closing his hands together, Lovino got the gist of what he was saying. "I mean, he told me all about your social life on the phone." The anger bubbled up inside him.

"He fucking what?"

"Or, well, the lack of it." Groaning, Lovino shook his head, crossing his arms.

"I'm going to kick his ass, right now," He shot Antonio a glare, shaking the coffee cup around. "You should go back in there and tell that bastard that I might reconsider the case, but my terms still stand. I don't want him involved but I'm willing to let you work on it – Just not him." The wide-eyes expression Antonio gave him let him see the green of his eyes better, in the light they were much more brilliant.

"But…" He seemed quick to give up once he saw the earnest expression on his face. Every bit of annoyance directed at Gilbert evident enough by a glance and when Antonio reciprocated with his relinquishment, he was sure that the detective would be honest with him. "Alright. I'm sure he'll accept those terms if it means we can put this behind us sooner. If he doesn't then… Well, I'll try." Nodding in satisfaction, Lovino looked at the address on the cup. Appreciating the messy handwriting he was quick to lay out his sentiment to such an absurd option.

"I'll see if I ever need anything to justify writing on such trash coffee. But no promises," Antonio nodded. "Good… Good."

"I hope I see you soon." His face turned hot. Maybe it was just because it came from that face. An objectively good face. He had to remind himself he wasn't like Feliciano – He liked to think that he wasn't so easily impressed by a pretty face, not enough to throw his all at him at least. Even if he wanted to.

"Sure, let's hope," He said with a sarcastic tone. "Now let me get on with my errands." Antonio held his hands up.

"Hey, that's not a crime, go ahead," He rolled his eyes, a soft laugh came from beside him that made his face flush. Turning on his heels, he didn't even hesitate to leave. More so because of the embarrassment more than anything else. "You didn't need to go ahead so fast!"

"See you later, asshole!" Now to him, that sounded too much like a promise. Far too much.

"So?" Gilbert was quick to jump on Antonio as he entered their shared office space. "What the hell is wrong with him?" Unimpressed, Antonio sat down at his desk without answering. "What is it? Is it bad?"

"Eres tonto o…?" Antonio glanced at Gilbert's dumbfounded face before he shook his head. "No, I think you just are."

"Come on, tell it to me straight without saying whatever the hell you just said." If he didn't know any better, he would think he had just said something insulting. Sighing, Antonio gave Gilbert his full attention as he swung around.

"You can't be involved in the case if we're going to have Lovino on our side. It's probably for the best anyway." The anger in his chest came back to the surface but also disappointment in how the tables had turned. It wasn't ideal in the slightest. He thought he cared enough for none of this to matter – It didn't matter what his private life was if it meant this was done with.

"Then who the hell will be involved in the case?" Antonio shrugged.

"Ask for resignation on the case and you'll probably be put onto something less controversial. You'll keep your job but make everybody happy in the process by not taking this specific job. Save your image – Or whatever is left of it," He grunted, disliking how nonchalant Antonio was about all this. How accepting he was to leave him out on the dirt path. "Everything else you won't have to worry about."

"You don't seriously believe that I can't do this?" Gilbert said in disbelief. "That kid has issues, he's just shouting whatever pops into his head."

"It's not just Lovino, you know that… I can't say I've always been comfortable around you," Antonio admitted. "Your brother probably wouldn't be either."

"Just how the fuck can you comment on anything between me and my brother?" The way Antonio's eyebrows shot up showed him just how absurdly defensive he was being. It didn't matter, he was pissed and standing with a clenched trembling fist. He saw Antonio's eyes dart towards Gilbert's left hand.

"I remember that day – You came into work with a bandage on your hand. When Francis asked about it you replied, just Ludwig. You hated him and he didn't even hit back," Guilt overwhelmed him as he decided it wasn't good optics to be so tense, so defensive as he liked to be when he was cornered. It was true, there wasn't a scratch on himself, but he had certainly given Ludwig some nasty bruising and a bloody shirt he's never seen him wear since. "Of course, I didn't know it was because he was like that, but I guess it makes sense now in hindsight." It wasn't even contempt in Antonio's voice, what made it worse was that it was pity. Gilbert never enjoyed pity it was too humiliating.

"God damn this bullshit," He felt like kicking something as he hissed out the words under his breath. Something hard. Of course, none of that would actually help but at least it would be something to let go of some of the initial frustration he felt. He sat down, defeated. "I need to think this through. Give it a night and… Just figure it out." It seemed right anyway.

"I strongly urge you to do what Lovino wants, you would still be helping that way." Yes, but it wouldn't be the same.

"I know…" He frowned. "But while I'm here with you I'll do what I can. Just try not to make this day unusual."

Antonio smiled, "I think the day has already gotten unusual."

"Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean," He shook his head, letting out a laugh under his breath. "Prick."

"I heard that." Antonio didn't exactly sound offended, but he didn't seem to happy about it either. A childlike sadness in his tone.

"I know," They stared at each other for a while. "I hope we can still be friends." He admitted his fears perhaps a little too jokingly for something he seriously wanted.

Searching for a distraction, Antonio nodded with a terse smile before he stood up to write something down on the chalkboard, "Let's just get to work."

When Lovino finally made it up the winding stairs to Kiku and Feliciano's apartment he set a bag down on the floor for a second while he knocked or rather pounded on the door with a fist. He sighed in annoyance as he picked up the bag again, waiting for someone to answer. After nobody came, he kicked on the door to get what he wanted faster.

"Feliciano! Open the goddamn door I have-" The door swung open revealing a stranger. A rather tall dirty blond stranger who looked a little too comfortable to be there. Sceptically, he looked around the kid. "Kindly, what the fuck?"

The kid looked like he had to pick his jaw off the floor before he got a hold of himself, pushing up his glasses which had slid down his nose, "Sorry, dude. Just thought you were that Feliciano guy for a minute, but you know, he wouldn't have such a mouth on him," The idiot, why would he be saying his own name if he were Feliciano? "He's pretty fun, you just look tired, it's like night and day!" Obnoxious laughter resonated throughout the hallway. It took everything within his power not to sock him in the face, but he probably wouldn't be able to reach that far. "Want me to carry those? You look like you're struggling."

"I'm fine," He pushed his way through the apartment. "I don't need to hear anything more about your relationship with my brother." Placing the bags on the counter he began to sift through for the refrigerated items. It was obvious that he had this conversation many times before with strangers. People who liked to make sly comments about the differences.

"Uh, I'll be honest I don't really know the guy," Yes, most people don't, Lovino thought, but it wasn't like that stopped Feliciano. But when Alfred pointed with his thumb towards the hallway, he clarified. "I only came over last night because Kiku has an NES, pretty bitchin'."

"A what?" He shook his head as the stranger opened his mouth, "You know what? Never mind, probably stupid anyway. You've just been here this whole time?"

He grinned, "Hell yeah, Princess Peach isn't going to save herself!" Lovino sighed, moving his personal mini stack of groceries to the refrigerator – This guy was an idiot and a half, that couldn't bode well for his opinion on Kiku either if his friends were this dumb. "Kiku said he was going to be back soon though. Something about his washing being stolen. Kind of sucks you guys don't have your own laundry, at my place I have my own-"

"Just who the fuck are you before you start talking my ear off?" He slammed the door of the refrigerator.

Holding out a hand, he replied, "Alfred F. Jones," When Lovino stared at the thing Alfred made a quick recovery by putting his hand into the pocket of his bomber jacket. "Not much of a handshake person?"

"No. Not really an idiot whisperer either," Alfred chuckled. "I wasn't kidding."

"Yeah, I know. You don't give me that impression…" Fuck, Lovino thought, this just felt too weird. He didn't know what to do with strange people. Kiku and he weren't close but this Alfred guy was even more alien to him – Not to mention American. "So, uh, hey. There's like a few handfuls of news station people out there just standing around like a bunch of weirdos. What's that about?" Lovino took a second to pause. Damn.

Maintaining a guarded demeanour, he tried to ignore his eyes and focused on taking everything out of the bags, "About me. Just ignore them."

"About you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, the case? You must be living under a rock." Alfred rubbed his neck, suddenly looking a little uncomfortable.

"Sorry, I don't watch the news, man. They're basically just advertisements with too many words," Well, not quite but he doubted that a squirrel brain like him had much of any attention span. "You haven't done anything bad have you? Because if you did then that's no bueno for me to be talking to you." He scoffed.

"If surviving a murder attempt is bad then - no bueno." He responded sarcastically. A good way to deaden the confidence in the kid, hopefully, he would leave him alone for good. Instead, he leaned on the counter, an unavoidable gaze focused on him.

"Holy shit – That was you?" He looked around awkwardly trying to avoid the confrontation. "I think I heard around about some guy that got- But I didn't think that it… Is it true?"

"Uh, yes? Sure, stop being a freak." Seriously, too many people seemed way too interested in him. It was beginning to get on his nerves. Alfred stood back like the counter had burned him and grabbed him by the shoulders, freezing up his eyes went wide as he stared at Alfred.

"Did it hurt?" It was strange how desperate he sounded. "It didn't hurt did it?" Stunned was what he was, Lovino opened his mouth before closing it again, realising how strong of a grip Alfred had on him. "Come on, man – You have to tell me!"

Gaining some awareness of just how crazy this stranger was he struggled against the grip, "Let go of me first you psycho!" It took too long for Alfred to register the words, long enough for Lovino to feel trapped by just how powerless he was against someone like him. As soon as he let go, Lovino moved three paces backwards, enough of a distance for him to feel somewhat safe at least.

"I-I'm sorry but you have to tell me," He struggled to get the words out. "Mattie- My brother, two years ago now…" His heart sunk. "They made it sound bad and I just-" Lovino's eyes darted to the side when he heard the door opening. His shoulders were tense, and Alfred wasn't letting go but remained shaken, grip trembling. Kiku struggled to get through the door with a load of clothes in a basket.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise Feliciano had left his down there as well and-" His apologetic rambling stopped when he noticed that Lovino was there too. "Oh, you're back." Stunned at the scene, he shifted his weight on the basket. As soon as Alfred's hands loosened around his arms, Lovino stepped back, looking between Kiku and Alfred – Tears streaming down the latter's face. It wasn't long before he had decided to take off, turning to push past a surprised Kiku who truly didn't have the slightest clue of what had happened to cause this. Following Alfred's swift departure, Lovino made sure that he wasn't too far behind him, swinging his head out the front door to see where he had gone.

Without a second thought, he stood in the hallway and yelled, "Alfred!" He didn't stop so Lovino did it for him, jogging over to grab onto the back of his jacket. "It hurts at first – It hurts a lot, one of the worst things I've ever felt," His body was shaking from being so truthful but then he had to play a game of two truths and one lie. Just to ease the cries of the poor kid. Alfred turning to look at Lovino's face as if to plead with him that it wasn't true – He could barely look at his face. "But then… It's painless… You just stop." Making some attempt at eye contact, Alfred nodded hesitantly.

"Painless?" He nodded back. All he could do was hope that he believed him. Trying to restrain himself, Alfred put his hands in his pockets again as if it would help. Somehow, he severely doubted that it did. But at least he could do something, even if it was as minimal as lying to him. "That's…" Well, it certainly wasn't good to die a painless death, just preferable. "Thanks for telling me – I'm sorry about…"

Sorry was never enough, "Yeah, don't worry about it. Go home," His face was a brilliant shade of red, so were his sclera. It really made the blue more noticeable. "Go out the back or you might have one of those journalists catch you like this. You'll think you're lost but you'll find it pretty fast…" Swallowing some of his sorrow, Alfred nodded silently before going on his way. He hoped it would be the last time he had to have that guy walk away like that, he wished that he had never met Alfred.

His heart jumped when he felt a hand touching him on the shoulder, "Sorry for touching you - What happened?" Kiku asked, when he looked behind him, he couldn't help but hide how affected he was.

"Just don't ask him about it next time he wants to use your NE-whatever," Kiku nodded but it was obvious he was still confused. "Or me."

"I…" Lovino watched as he furrowed his brows. "Okay."

"Come on, fuck," His brother always answered his phone. It was stressing him out way too much to hear it ringing out to no avail. Deciding to call his work phone, he dialled the number. Once. Twice. Until a third ring ended with Ludwig finally picking up. "Lud- Look, I've really fucked up today and I-"

"Woah, language," That wasn't his voice at all. "What is the reason you're calling?"

"Uh- I'm looking for a Ludwig," Embarrassed, he waited for the response before he heard a mumble. "What was that?"

"Ludwig called in sick about an hour ago." He frowned. Sick? Even if he was sick, he would still manage to come into work, even if it meant he had to put himself in a bubble he always overdid himself.

"Alright, thanks anyway," He hung up immediately. "Little shit." The only time he needs him, and he isn't there. Go figure. It's as if he dropped off the face of the planet. If he was 'sick' then he should be at home and if he was at home, then all that told him was that he was ignoring him. He liked to think that someone his age went out and did all kinds of exciting things but if there was one thing that Ludwig wasn't it was exciting. Ignorance was the only answer so he decided that it was best to make himself unignorable.

Call one.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eig-

"God damn you Gilbert, stop it." He heard a hiss over the other side. On the outside, he was smirking but internally he was breathing a deep sigh of relief as he began to worry that maybe he was wrong. Maybe Ludwig wasn't at home. Maybe he was- "What do you want, I'm busy."

He laughed, "Busy? You're not at work right now."

"How do you- Oh for the love of- You didn't call did you?" He could hear the frustration in his brother's voice.

"What do you think I would do?" Unimpressed, Ludwig continued, already knowing the answer to that question.

"I've got somebody over," He admitted. "I can't talk to you now."

"Somebody?" He groaned, rubbing his face. It was never just somebody whenever someone said that. It was always somebody.

"Yes, somebody and I think that it's serious so… You can't just interrupt my life just because you feel like it."

"Interrupt your life?" He scoffed. "I don't know if you have any idea what you've done but I'm in some deep shit right now – This is my job. You put thoughts in Lovino's head that could cost this case."

"I only told the truth," He always told the truth. Too much of it apparently. "If you can't take what you throw at others then I can't help you with that." Ludwig said coolly.

"Hey, that's-"

Thoroughly exhausted by the short conversation, Ludwig said, "I've got to go, Gilbert. Bye." Before hanging up the call. His little brother deciding when he wanted to talk to him hit his pride hard, Ludwig was supposed to be the kid, not him but he certainly found a way to put him in his place. Even if that place didn't feel great.

Putting the phone back but didn't feel any satisfaction from it. He was still the same guy who was losing something so precious to him and he had nobody to turn to. He was utterly alone. Except one.

Picking up the phone one more time, he decided that his ego had been hurt once, might as well knock it down a second time.

A groan before a tired voice, "You really need to stop calling at such bad times-"

"Liz, I need help," He admitted. "Real help."

Sighing, Elizabeta was quick to say, "I'll be right over."