CHAPTER TWELVE
When I came down from my mountain, I felt invigorated. Kind of the same feeling you'd get when you were a newborn vampire. Suddenly, all your senses were enhanced at once, and you felt invincible.
On my trot back toward the house, my thoughts ran to Evie. I hadn't even checked in on her, and I felt bad for not doing so. She had always been my first priority, and now, two seconds spent thinking about my intended mate, and I had completely shirked my duties.
I picked up speed, so I could make it back by nightfall. I wanted to catch her between one of her evening naps and see that smile form on her lips. It occurred to me that my earlier fears of Evie sharing her beautiful smile with some strange stepfather were all for naught.
I stopped running.
If Bella were my mate and she were to be with me…wouldn't that mean…I would be Evie's father?
"Holy crap," I muttered.
I leaned against the nearest tree, as I struggled to remain upright.
I was going to be a father!
I couldn't exactly wrap my mind around the concept. Once I had become a vampire, there were just some ideas in life I had immediately put out to pasture. One of the reasons why Rosalie was often so depressed with this life was due to knowing she could never be a mother. As great as Emmett was, even he knew she would trade him in if it meant mortality and a baby. Which was one of the reasons my earlier comment had been so harsh yesterday.
My pace picked up, and if it weren't for my amazing capabilities afforded to me by being one of the supernatural, I probably wouldn't have made it back to the house so quickly and intact.
I could hear Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie in the living room, talking with Bella as I approached the front door.
"I said one thing and he freaked out. I didn't know if it was a sore subject for reasons unbeknownst to me," I heard Bella say.
"No, that's just Eddie. He never likes to talk about that kind of stuff," Emmett laughed.
"What don't I like to talk about?" I asked pointedly.
Bella immediately blushed and turned her head away from me.
"Sex," Emmett said.
"When did we ever talk about sex?" I asked Bella in shock.
She cleared her throat and looked down.
"Not really sex, but Emmett and I were talking, and we got on the topic of…buttholes," she said uncomfortably.
"Oh, my god! Not this again," I huffed.
"Jesus, Edward. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone has one. You see, this is what happens when Carlisle refuses to have the talk…" Emmett said to his audience.
"Go ahead and have this conversation without me. I have much better things to do with my time," I said, disgusted.
They laughed, and I began to walk out of the room.
"So…nothing? No use? No different than a belly button?" Bella continued.
"Well, I wouldn't say that. Edward may not know this, but a butthole can be very pleasurable…"
I cringed, seeing the various things Emmett and Rosalie might or might not have done playing through his mind. I ran up the stairs and straight into Evie's room, hoping she would provide a distraction from the atrocious subject matter being talked about downstairs.
Alice was in the room with Evie, rocking her to sleep. I sighed, not really wanting to speak to Alice. I just wanted some time with Evie. Was that too much to ask for?
"You can have her, Edward. No need to be jealous," Alice taunted.
"I…just haven't had a chance to say hello."
"I know," she said, standing up and handing me my little bundle.
Evie looked up at me and immediately smiled, and I couldn't remember anything that upset me when I saw this look on her face. I fell in love all over again.
"Edward," Alice said in a warring voice, "We're leaving tomorrow. You should bring Bella before Christmas, but you should use this week to have some alone time."
I rolled my eyes. "I was wondering when you were going to gloat. Although don't think I don't know how you interfered. Community college? You knew if you whispered certain things in Bella's ear, I'd have no choice but to intervene. But I'll admit, you were right, Alice. She's the one, and I'm ready to accept that."
"You're so arrogant, dear brother. I fear it may be your downfall, but since I want nothing more than for you to succeed, I'll leave you with this," Alice bit her lip and cringed. "I'm happy for you, but just remember that Bella doesn't realize it yet, so you need to have patience and understand that she isn't going to just fall into your arms. You need to spend some time getting to know one another. A little time without us interfering, where you both can feel free to speak and act without worrying if anyone is listening or judging, would be a good thing."
I shook my head disbelievingly and replied, "We'll be fine, Alice."
Bella made a small knock on the door and came in.
"I just wanted to see her before she went down," she explained.
"I was just leaving. Goodnight," Alice sang, squeezing herself out the door. "Take it slow, Edward," she thought as she went.
What the hell did she mean by that? Take it slow? It wasn't as if I planned on proposing to her tonight! And Bella and I had already been getting to know one another. I was suddenly frustrated.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have said anything. Please, don't be upset," Bella began.
"Upset about what?" I asked, not really knowing to what she was referring.
"The…you know…downstairs. Right now. With Emmett," she clarified.
I shook my head. "I'm not upset. It's already forgotten."
She looked as if she didn't believe me. I was so focused on what Alice had said, the last thing I was worried about was buttholes. I bounced Evie slightly and looked down at her sweet face, helping to clear my mind. It was a great distraction from what seemed like this ginormous elephant in the room.
"Alice and Rosalie were great. Your whole family helped me out so much while you were away. I was able to sleep two full nights in a row. I think Evie might be getting better with the crying, too, because they said she didn't have any issues."
I smirked, thinking back to Alice and Rosalie's panicked call.
"I'm happy for you. Maybe you can get three nights of rest. I wouldn't mind taking a shift tonight," I said.
Bella shrugged. "Oh, it's okay. Besides, I should leave you your room and come back in here. Alice did note that Evie got a little snooty with the crib and only likes sleeping on the mattress, so it seems I have a bedmate once again."
I laughed.
"Well, we can look into buying her a cushier mattress. You shouldn't have to give up your space. But if it's an issue, you're more than welcome to my room. I don't really use it too often, anyway."
Bella bit her lip and shied away from me.
"I don't mind sleeping with her. To be honest, I feel better when I wake up in the middle of the night and reach out for her. When I can feel her, I know she's safe."
"She is safe, Bella. Like I said, you don't ever have to be afraid. No one will ever hurt you two," I vowed.
She only replied with a smile and sat down on the bed. My mind began to wander as to what I should say. Take it slow? Ask her out? Like a date? That seemed so foreign to me.
"So…" I cleared my throat, "My family is leaving tomorrow to head home. Alice said we should give them a week to make preparations for our arrival."
"Okay, that'll give me some time to pack…"
I laughed immediately.
"You needn't pack. I assure you, there'll be everything you'll need and more when we get to the house. We rarely travel with luggage. We often just buy what we need when we get to where we're going. It's just easier that way," I explained.
Bella shook her head in disbelief.
"Also, I know you wish to continue your education. I want you to know you can do so…and it doesn't have to be a lower college. You can go wherever you'd like…"
"Edward," she interrupted, "I'm very appreciative of everything you and your family have done for us, but just because you could afford to purchase an island doesn't mean you need to waste your money on me."
I furrowed my brow.
"Well, I doubt we'd purchase another island. Not really any point to having two," I contemplated.
My eyes looked away from Evie and back to Bella, who seemed to be disturbed.
"You have an island?"
I shrugged. "Technically, it's Esme's. It was a gift from Carlisle. She doesn't mind if we make use of it, however."
Bella's head fell into her hands, and she slumped on the bed. I walked over with Evie in my arms and sat down beside her.
Bella looked up at me and winced. "I fear my Christmas gift to you is very unexceptional. But then again, there's the old adage, what do you give someone who has everything?"
"I don't have everything…Christmas gift?" I asked, realizing she thought of me enough to plan for me.
"Yes, it's nothing special. I didn't want to use your money to buy you something because that'd defeat the purpose of it being a gift, so I made something for you. Now that I hear your tales of islands, I just want to prepare you that what I have planned isn't great. Besides, I wasn't sure if vampires celebrated Christmas."
I felt my heart warm. Bella had made me a gift. I wasn't sure what it was, but I already knew it would be something I would treasure forever. My family had gifted me things over the years, but this would be the first gift from my mate. That meant something.
"We don't usually…" I said offhandedly, still focusing on the strange feeling running throughout my body.
"Oh," she replied, somewhat disappointed.
"Unless it's to keep up appearances, we hardly celebrate any holiday. It's just another day for us."
She nodded. "Well, in that case, if we're to be at your family's house for Christmas, would they mind if I celebrated it…just with Evie? I know it's silly, but this is her first Christmas, and I want there to be pictures, so she can look back and see…I tried," she trailed off.
"Tried?"
I saw Bella's eyes swim with tears, but they didn't fall.
"I can't give her a lot…a tree…presents, but what I can do is make the day special, so she knows she was loved."
I felt uncomfortable with her emotions. It didn't make sense as to why she was crying. She had my card. She could buy Evie everything her heart desired. Why was she suddenly so upset?
"Bella…what's wrong? Of course, you can celebrate Christmas. If you want a tree or presents, buy them."
"I know, Edward." She put her hand on mine, a gesture that nearly made me blush. "You're very generous. And I'm very thankful for all the kindness you've shown Evie and me, but…there are some things I should be able to provide by myself. I've learned how to make enough with very little. So, don't you worry. I'll give Evie a nice first Christmas. I just didn't want to offend anyone in doing so."
She was so close to me. In fact, if Evie weren't in my arms, I could so easily take her in my arms, but it was probably a good thing I had my baby blocker, or I might not take it slow enough for Alice.
I stood up and placed the now sleeping infant on the bed.
"My family doesn't often celebrate holidays. But now that they have a reason to, I'm sure they'll make this Christmas so special that Evie will be able to remember it for years to come."
I was being facetious. I knew Evie wouldn't remember it, but if I knew my family, they would take on this mission and not disappoint.
I went to the door, knowing the mood currently set was not proper for me to push for more. I turned and looked back at Bella. She was staring at Evie with a concerned expression etched on her face.
"Bella, you're doing a fine job. Evie is so lucky to have you as her mother. Goodnight," I respectfully nodded.
When I had the door shut behind me, I heard Bella begin to croon the song she loved to sing to help get Evie to sleep. Her tone was soft and sad. Evie was already asleep, so I wasn't sure why she was singing those heartbreaking words.
I fought myself to go back in and see if there was something I could do or more I could say to help ease her mind, but the only thing I felt I would accomplish was prematurely pushing Bella for more, and Alice had told me I needed to take it slow.
Okay, what was I going to do? I knew after I left her room, I would really need to think out what I should say and when I should say it to Bella. In all my years, not once had I ever asked out a girl. I had one shot to get this right.
Alice was right, Bella didn't know what Alice had seen for us in the future. I had to be intelligent with how I moved forward. What if Bella thought dating a vampire was a preposterous notion? What if I said the wrong words and I pushed her away forever? Alice might have seen us together, but it could all so easily be torn apart with one wrong word or move.
I headed into the woods behind the house. I would come up with the proper phrasing and practice it out loud, so I could be ready when the time was right.
There was a small tree that was the perfect height to play my Bella. I pictured her standing in front of me, with a smile that gave me permission to say my piece.
"Bella…my dearest Bella…"
I cringed. No, I couldn't call her my Bella right off. That kind of thing could scare her.
"What's up, Bella? How do you find the... weather…?" I groaned and kicked a nearby rock.
"Bella," I began once again, looking to my tree. "I thought you should know that Alice has foreknown us together, henceforth, you should…"
I paused and scratched my head.
"Oh, dear Jesus!"
I jumped and turned around to find Emmett behind me.
"Please, tell me you weren't seriously considering asking Bella out like that. No one should use the word henceforth, and if you're asking me, you sounded more like you were threatening the girl, not asking her out."
I scoffed and turned away, embarrassed.
"Well, no one did ask you," I snapped.
"You're right," Emmett replied. "Henceforth, I shall go."
Emmett began to walk away slowly because he knew I would be desperate enough to call him back.
"Wait," I fumed.
Emmett walked back, feigning surprise. I rolled my eyes at his horrible attempt at acting.
"Will you help me?" I mumbled.
"What?" Emmett replied, pretending to not hear me.
I shot him a lethal look, and he held up his hands in surrender.
"Okay, little bro. Of course, I'd love to help you."
"I'm older than you," I sniped.
This had always been a point of contention with us. Physically, he was older, since he had been changed when he was twenty-two. However, I had lived many more years, so technically, I was the older one, even if I didn't look the part.
"I'm wise to the world in so many things you've yet to even broach Edward. For instance, women," he boasted. "Physically, I'm older. Mentally…"
"Mentally, you're the age of a twelve-year-old," I said.
He didn't respond to my retort. Instead, he walked over to a boulder and perched on top, making himself comfortable.
I sighed and waited for well over a minute.
"Well?" I snapped impatiently.
"Oh, I was just waiting to see if you had any more brilliant ways to ask her out."
"Emmett!" I barked.
"Geez, calm down. I'm only joking."
He got off the rock and settled himself in front of me a few feet back, since any closer might cause someone to think he was interested in me.
"Okay, first of all, it shouldn't feel like work. You shouldn't go into it thinking you're planning to ask her out. If you do, every single time you see Bella, you'll be a nervous wreck until you finally do find the balls to ask."
"What the hell do you mean?" I asked, feeling utterly confused.
He deflated and seemed exhausted to have to break it down for me.
"I mean…" he began, saying the word with far too many syllables, "…talk to her just as you normally do, and when the time is right, or she gives you a signal, then you ask. Let it be spontaneous. If you try and plan it out too much, you'll get flustered if you miss a word of whatever god-awful speech you've memorized. You could get thrown off by the simplest movement from her face. If she narrows her eyes, you might think she's creeped out. If she smiles, you might get overconfident and come off as arrogant. Be natural."
I let out a breath and turned away from him, while I pondered his advice.
"Be natural?" I grumbled.
"Ugh!" Emmett groaned. "Let's just try some roleplay, and I'll guide you as to proper moments when you might naturally ask her out. Okay?"
I grimaced, not really wanting to do this exercise.
"Or you can go, and henceforth, ruin everything, and she'll be running faster than a vamp to get away from you," he offered.
"Fine. Let's just get this over with," I growled.
Once again, Emmett straightened out his shoulders and prepared for the single most humiliating moment of my life.
"You can begin," Emmett gestured to me.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, trying to figure out what I was going to say.
"Uh…Bella?"
"Yes," Emmett replied in a soft, high-pitched girly voice.
"I…uh…"
"Oh, Edward, you'll never believe what Evie did this morning," Emmett cut me off, still pretending to be Bella.
I rubbed my forehead, trying to decide if I was really planning to commit to this outrageous plan of his.
"Oh? What?" I asked.
"Well, wouldn't you know, I gave her some prunes, and she pooped out a nice little nugget."
"Evie doesn't eat solid food yet," I snapped.
"Don't you take that tone with me! I asked your father, and he said a little in her bottle was just what she needed to get over her constipation," he replied, keeping up the girly voice.
I stood there, flabbergasted. Partly because I was trying to remember if I had ever heard of such a thing, given she wasn't even three months old yet. A part of me was wondering what I should say to his choice of character.
"Oh, well…I'll be sure to ask Carlisle…"
"Why? Because my word isn't good enough?" he accused.
"Emmett, would you stop? Bella and I would never get into such a preposterous argument."
Emmett scoffed and gave me a look.
"Really? I'd imagine if you can argue about vampire buttholes, you could argue over Evie's diet."
I threw my hands up in exasperation. "This isn't working! Can't you be serious for one second?"
I went over to the rock he had earlier perched on and put my foot on it to balance.
"You have no idea how lucky you are, Emmett. You didn't have to work for it. Rosalie found you and had you changed, and the rest is history. This is my life…my future, my eternity, and I don't know if I can do this! Or if I even want to do this, because in the end, my choices will either lead to Bella's premature death or a short sixty, maybe seventy, years of happiness, and then nothing.
"I'm sitting out here like an idiot, trying to find the words that'll set into motion the beginning of the end. And it's even worse because there's a child involved. A child I'm supposed to parent. Me! Of all the people in the family, I think we can agree that I'm the absolute worst choice to be a parent.
"So now, not only do I ruin one life, but I'm sure to ruin two."
I pushed my foot off the boulder and walked a few paces to a large tree to lean against.
"Edward…" Emmett began, but he stopped, probably not sure what to say, since he was never the person to give serious advice. I heard him sigh, and I was about to let him off by telling him to just forget about my stupid issues.
"Look, no relationship is perfect. And…as easy as you may think someone else has it, you don't know shit."
I heard Emmett's feet shuffle softly.
"You were right, Edward. What you said back in Seattle. Rose would trade me in for Evie so fast…"
"Come on, Emmett. I didn't mean it," I recanted, feeling bad for what I'd said.
"No, you were right. I know Rosalie loves me, but she would've chosen mortality and a belly full of babies over her soul mate. And sometimes, the thought that I can't give her what she wants most in life, it kills me. If I could, I'd happily trade my life in for her greatest desire, but it is what it is, and so, we make the best of things. My point is, you have this opportunity, and yeah, it's not a perfect situation, but you need to stop looking at all the negatives and try focusing on what you do have. What you can have.
"If Bella chooses to stay human, then you make the most of those precious years. You live the very best life with her and seek all the happiness you can. As you know, sixty or seventy years is nothing. But, if you choose to stew over the short time you do have, those sixty years will be over quickly, and you'll have wasted it worrying instead of celebrating your love.
"If Bella chooses to become one of us, then, that's her choice. Are you really planning to spend eternity telling your mate you wish she hadn't changed?"
I felt a knot in my chest just thinking of the day Bella and I would have this conversation. As much as I hated to admit it, Emmett was right. In the end, I could worry until judgment day, but it was ultimately up to Bella what future she would choose.
"And just so you know, I don't think you'll screw this up. Like we always say, don't bet against Alice, and if she's seen it, you can make it happen."
I smiled and relaxed my shoulders a smidge.
"Thank you," I murmured.
"No, thank you. You being with Bella will ultimately give Rose what I couldn't. I'm glad you're moving back with us. Jasper isn't nearly as much fun as you'd think," he laughed. "So…do you want to practice some more?"
I shook my head no. "It's supposed to be natural. I can't practice for that, right?"
"Now you're getting it," Emmett clicked his tongue and winked.
He took off running, leaving me in silence. I looked back at the tree I had pictured to be Bella and ran my hand over the needles.
Natural. I could do that.
I made it home a couple of hours after the sun had come up. It was still early, but I could tell from Bella's heartbeat that she was up. I smiled to myself, thinking of all the ways I had learned to get around the absence of my gift regarding Bella. In some ways, I had to think it was a good thing I couldn't read her mind.
"…and don't you worry. We'll make sure you're both comfy cozy," I heard my mother and Bella speaking in the kitchen. I slowed my pace, so I could eavesdrop a little.
"You're too kind. Please, don't go too much out of your way. Evie and me…I promise you, we're low maintenance. We used to live in a car, for goodness sakes. Edward's the one who went crazy on the buying. We don't need much."
"Bella, you need to learn. You're one of us now. You have no idea how happy we are for you to come live with us. Not every person would show us the amount of respect and faith that you have knowing what we are. It means a lot to us."
"Edward saved my life. He saved us, and it's something I can never repay. He rescued me when I was at my lowest point. I'm just so thankful, and after everything I've seen…I know what true monsters are, and you and your family don't even come close."
I stood there, waiting to hear more, but nothing came. I finally walked into the kitchen to find Esme and Bella hugging.
"Geez, we'll be up in a week. No need to act as if you'll never see each other again," I joked.
Bella and Esme broke apart.
"Mind your own," Esme scolded.
Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper came in, and Carlisle clapped his hands together.
"I think everyone is ready. You sure you don't want to come along today? We could have Edward's room ready," Carlisle said.
Alice jabbed Carlisle in the side.
"Of course, we can't have it ready today! Give me a few days to make it perfect, will you?" She narrowed her eyes at Carlisle, and he immediately backed off.
I rolled my eyes at their obvious attempts to keep Bella out of the loop.
Alice hugged Bella. "We'll see you in a week. I promise to make your room even more amazing."
Bella grimaced and nodded her head, afraid to say another word.
"Thank you, Carlisle, for answering my questions. If you think Evie is fine, then I'll try to relax," Bella said.
"Of course, she's fine," I answered.
"That she is," Carlisle added. "She's perfect, Bella. We can't wait to have a baby in the house. Are you ready, dear?" he asked, looking to Esme.
Bella and I walked the family out of the house, and Rosalie handed off Evie back into Bella's arms before saying a kind goodbye. I was truly amazed. Never in my life would I have thought Rosalie would be so nice to a human without strict admonishment from Carlisle to do so.
My family loaded into their cars, and I could already hear them placing wagers on who would make it to the house first. Carlisle was warning them to be careful to not get caught by local law enforcement.
They sped off down the driveway, and Bella and I were now alone. Finally.
I turned to Bella, my mouth moving, as I tried to come up with something natural to say. She smiled sheepishly back at me.
Well, now what?
AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing. Next week is Time Changer update. So far, I've been able to trade off fairly easy and go back and forth. Not going to lie, the next chapter of Time Changer might be a little heartbreaking.
Thank you as always to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing.
STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER.