Chapter Twelve White Flags and Breaking Points

The rest of the week bumped and jostled, jarring her insides until her skin vibrated. Finally Friday arrived and she selected an accessory she hoped wasn't obvious to anyone else but for whom it was intended. Thinking her early arrival would allow for a moment to steel her nerves, Andrea wasn't so fortunate. As she crossed the bullpen, Miranda appeared from her office and stood at the railing, watching her.

It was time to woman-up. Instead of going to Nigel's office, she took the stairs leading up to the raised platform and tripped up on one of the steps because Miranda was wearing a black chalk-striped waistcoat with a deep V-neck. It fit snuggly over a crisp white button-down shirt with a forward pointed collar and French cuffs.

"Good morning, Andrea." she quietly said, amusement in her look.

"Jesus."

Miranda smirked. "This is what you had in mind, was it not?"

"Oh, no, it's way better than I imagined." Andrea bit her lip then unbuttoned her trench coat. Slowly she pulled the white scarf from around her neck and held it out in offering.

Lips quirked upward, Miranda gently took the scarf. "I accept."

"I do, too. I do, too." Andrea tore her eyes away from her boss's outfit. "It's not a game for me, Miranda, but I agree, the timing's bad."

"So, no more pushing each other's buttons?" Miranda pulled the scarf through a loose fist as she looked down at it.

Andrea nodded, not trusting her mouth. The way Miranda stroked the scarf with her fingers gave her inappropriate ideas she should not entertain for her boss. Solid advice but, well, she wasn't one for actually following it.

"Would you and the girls care to come over for dinner tonight?"

Miranda tilted her head and gave Andrea a look. "I don't think that's wise."

"You're right, of course. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking...I just, I mean, we, Fen and I, had a good time with you guys."

"Cassidy and Caroline have asked after Fen."

Andrea grinned. "Caroline must be going through withdrawals being away from her own personal dress-up doll."

"Yes. I've spoken to her about it."

"No, no, that's not what I meant. Trust me, Fen will put her foot down when she doesn't want to do something." Andrea pointed to herself. "I mean, have you met her mother?"

Miranda smiled. "Perhaps when you get back we can schedule something for the girls."

But not us was how Andrea interpreted the steely gaze.

"Sounds like a plan." she replied, making a move to leave, but she stopped and languidly ogled Miranda from bottom to top. Winking at Miranda, she casually dropped, "Oh, by the way, I've been on the phone with Vargineau's assistant."

It didn't happen often but Andrea knew she just surprised the shit out of Le Priestly. Miranda didn't give herself away but Andrea, ever the avid pupil, was keen on observing her. The absolute stillness of the editor's body was the oddity. Perpetually in motion, Miranda moved even while sitting or standing. She scanned a room, took off her glasses, or threaded a scarf through her fingers to gauge the material's quality.

While carefully folding the scarf, she said in a bored tone, "Riveting."

Andrea waited for Miranda to look up. It took sixteen seconds. Staring into those baby blues, she softly delivered, "I hope so. We have reservations for dinner at Ferdi. Apparently, he loves their burgers. When I said they couldn't possibly be better than what I can get in the states, well, he wants to prove me wrong."

Miranda's smile took a moment to arrive, it's unfurling a thing of beauty that caused Andrea's stomach to drop.

"I believe you said there wasn't much you wouldn't do for a three page exclusive of his fall designs and three paragraphs worth of quotes." Andrea lifted a brow. "Was I mistaken?"

"No."

Andrea closed the distance between them and warned in a low tone, "I will collect...eventually and there will be no quarter given."

"Andrea..."

"It wasn't a question." she tsked.

"I..." Miranda paused and uncharacteristically wrung her hands. "I don't want to...if we'll ever be...intimate, I don't want it to be because of a debt."

The vulnerability on display called forth Andrea's more noble instincts. She surged forward but Miranda stood stiffly, her haughty Le Priestly mask back in place.

"Of course not." Andrea stated firmly, keeping several inches between them, doing her best to convey earnest intentions. She scrunched up her face playfully, as if thinking hard about something, then smiled. "My birthday's in March on the nineteenth. Maybe you and the girls can help Fen and I celebrate?"

"Let's wait until it gets a little closer." Miranda replied. "Who knows how many times you'll irritate me until then."

When Andrea arrived home, Fen and Demetria were sitting on the couch watching an animated Disney film.

"Mummers!" Fen sang out, scrambling off the couch and running toward her.

Andrea managed to drop her things in time to catch her careening spawn.

"Hi, sweetie." She proceeded to place kisses all over Fen's laughing face. "How was your day?"

"I made a pony!"

"You did?"

Fen wriggled and Andrea let her down then took off her coat while Fen got her backpack.

"Thanks for getting her, Demetria. I had a last minute work thing..."

"I was happy to do it."

"Mummers, look! Look!" Fen demanded, waving around a piece of paper.

Andrea stepped out of her Zanotti's then picked them up and gently placed them on the table near the front door. She knelt down and took the drawling from her daughter. Honestly, it looked like a lopsided oval with stick legs and multi-colored waves shooting out behind what was most likely the head.

"Oh, I'm definitely going to have to frame this, sweetie. Can you sign it for mommy?"

"I want Da to have it." she protested, snatching it from her mother's hand.

"Oh, okay. He's gonna love it."

"Demi, you wanna play?"

"Lead the way." She held out her hand for Fen to take it.

Before she did, she told Andrea, "Mummers, we need snacks."

"Yes, your majesty."

Fen scowled. "My name's Fen, not magic knee."

Andrea bit her lip, torn on whether to correct her daughter or reprimand her for the indignant tone. While she dithered, Fen took control of the situation and promptly led Demetria to her room.

She loved her daughter's spirit and didn't want to do anything to crush it. Most of the time she was able to control her reactions to Fen's penchant for mixing up words that sounded similar. Andrea sent a silent prayer that her indulgence today wouldn't create a bad habit for tomorrow.

In the kitchen, she put some baby carrots and celery sticks on a plate with a few grapes, and cheese cubes, knowing Fen wouldn't eat anything but the cheese. Evidently her child was at a picky-eater stage. Andrea added a few pieces of ham just in case.

"Here you go. I made enough for you, too, Demetria, in case you're hungry."

They both sang out their thanks, too involved in the coloring books.

Andrea took a quick shower, put on a pair of cut off sweat shorts and a tank top before rummaging through her refrigerator. She poured some of Fen's cereal into a bowl with some milk then sat down on the couch and turned on the television. Exhausted, all she wanted to do was go to sleep but she needed to finish packing and call Nate. He didn't know about Paris. Her parents didn't know about the divorce. Doug didn't know about the Miranda development. She wasn't secretive by nature but protective.

"Andrea?"

"Yeah?

Demetria came into view. "She's ready for bed and asking for you."

Grinning, she set down the half-finished bowl of cereal. "Okay, thanks. Oh, I forgot to tell you we'll be leaving about three tomorrow."

"I'm already packed and ready to go."

Passing Demetria on her way across the living room, Andrea stuck out her tongue which Demetria returned with a grin.

The room was a mess, books and toys strewn across the floor and the small dresser drawers opened by varying degrees. She found the three drawer dresser at an estate sale in Poughkeepsie last year. A lot of Fen's play clothes filled it and she was responsible for putting away the neatly folded items Andrea placed on the top of it, a routine she needed to tell Demetria about it so Fen could stay on track.

"Hey."

"Mummers, I'm tucked out."

Andrea knelt down by the small bed and gently trailed her fingertips up and down Fen's back.

"Would you like mommy to read you a story?"

"No." Fen whined, kicking out at the blanket and moving away from her mother.

She tried not to take it personally but Fen's rejection stung a little. Andrea sighed, crouched over her grumpy little girl and kissed her then quietly left the room.

"I'm gonna head back to my room, if that's okay?"

"Of course. I'll have a little more time when we get back to take the rest of my things out of there..."

"Oh, it's no problem, really."

"I know it's a little cramped but things happened quickly. It won't be like this for long. I've just started a new job..."

"Are you kidding? This place is huge compared to my old apartment."

Andrea smiled. "Oh, hey, I've re-enrolled Fen in her old preschool. She'll be starting February..."

"You sent me an email of her schedule."

"Oh." Andrea shook her head. "Look at me. I'm ahead of myself on that one but I did forget to let you know Fen is responsible for putting her clothes away and tidying her room. We're just starting out so usually after a few minutes she loses interest."

"No problem. Oh, I sent you a tentative schedule for Paris of the places I'd like to take her and activities that are available."

"We'll talk about it on the flight. You got my Paris schedule, right?"

Demetria nodded then yawned.

"Get some rest. We have a big week coming up. Well, good night."

"Night."

Soggy cereal held little appeal. Andrea dumped it in the trash. When her phone beeped, she dug through her purse and found it just in time before voicemail picked up the call.

"How's my grandbaby?"

"Uh, she's asleep, mom."

"Oh, pooh. Well, then, how's the new job?"

The phone vibrated in her hand. Andrea pulled back to look at the incoming call.

"Mom, can I call you back? Nate's on the other line."

"Why isn't he at home?"

"We'll talk later, okay? I've gotta go. Love you, bye."

After a second of protest her mother demanded she call her back immediately after she hung up with Nate.

"I got a certified letter from your lawyer. You didn't waste any time."

Andrea bit back sharp retort. "Look, Nate, I'm glad you called."

"Hold up. I'm on break."

The sound of clanking pots and pans grew distant. "Alright."

"I'm going to Paris tomorrow for a week."

"You're kidding me, right? I can't...what the hell, Andy?"

"I know. I'm sorry."

Nate spat out an obscenity then muttered, "Fine, whatever. Text me the airline and flight number and when she's getting in tomorrow."

"Nate, she's coming with me. Fen is going to Paris."

He unleashed a stream of insults that would have been impressive if Andrea hadn't heard them all before. There was nothing to do but wait the tirade out. Still, many of his barbs hit a soft spot. She concentrated on simply getting through the conversation as quickly as possible.

"I can't fucking believe you're gonna drag a four year old to all those shows..."

"I've got a nanny."

Nate sighed. "Of course you do. You'll let a stranger raise my kid before her own father."

"Be reasonable, Nate. You weren't angry about a nanny when we were together. Besides, eventually I'm going to start seeing someone. There might be another kid..."

"Christ, will you just shut up, Andy? Do you even hear what you're saying?"

Andrea gritted her teeth. "Life goes on, Nate. Get used to it. The fact is, if you hadn't cheated twice, we may still be married. I'm sorry for not giving you a head's up earlier. I'll do better but we agreed not to disrupt her schedule if at all possible." When he remained silent, she said softly, "I'm not doing this to hurt you, Nate."

"Whatever."

"Your parents Skyped with Fen on her birthday. They asked where you were..."

"They haven't said anything so you must have lied."

Andrea hummed. "If it makes you feel any better, I haven't told mine either. In fact, I was on the phone with my mother when you called. Why'd you call anyway?"

"I know we divided the savings and closed out our accounts but I was wondering, no, I mean, I was hoping you could float me some cash until..."

"How much?"

"A couple grand?"

Andrea closed her eyes. "Nate, what happened to the ten thousand..."

"I know, it's just that...Lily wanted to move into a house before the baby..."

"I can't." she whispered, making a fist and thumping it against her thigh. "I have to be able to take care of Fen."

"You've got enough to pay for a nanny, Andy..."

"I get it but we had an agreement after I got pregnant..."

"There you go, throwing up in my face again! You were sick all the time..."

"I was carrying your child."

"You wanted a kid."

Andrea stifled an expletive. "And you slept with a waitress but now the waitress is gone and I have 'the kid' whom I adore." On the brink of saying something shitty about staying at home with their child as penance for cheating, Andrea chose to stay the course. "She's changed me and how I think of the future, Nate. I can't help you at the expense of her."

"How is a few thousand bucks gonna take anything away from Fen? I'm gonna pay it back."

"When?"

"After the baby's born."

"No."

"Fucking christ, Andy, you're in a position to help me but you just wanna be a penny-pinching bitch."

"Goodbye, Nate."

She hung up.

The living room was dark and Andrea took comfort in it as the tears fell. Covering her mouth, she tried to stuff the sobs back in. Her shoulders trembled with either the effort to cry or to keep it in or both. Nate hadn't wanted to have a child until his career took off but Andrea's window, between biology and her own aspirations, shrank each year. She stopped taking the pill and started having sex with her husband more than once a month.

The phone alert pinged and thinking it was her mother, Andrea ignored it but from the corner of her eye she realized the M wasn't for Mom.

"Yes?" she answered, inhaling wetly.

"What's the matter? Is it Fen?"

Andrea gasped. "No, no, she's fine. I'm fine." Clearing her throat, she continued with less emotion, "What can I do for you, Miranda?"

"Tell me why your husband made you cry."

"What, uh...how did you know?"

"Two divorces."

"Huh." Andrea relaxed into the couch cushions. "He needs more money."

"More?"

"We split our savings, fifty-fifty after Naomi suggested it. Given how he's strapped for cash right now, she thinks he'll take the money and run."

"But now he's asking for more. Did you give it to him?"

"What? I'm not crazy."

"I can see how you would be tempted, Andrea. It can be...difficult to turn the corner. You share a child and history."

"I need him to be happy, Miranda, for purely selfish reasons. Maybe if he hadn't cheated the first time..."

"How many times?"

Andrea hesitated, wondering why Miranda's voice sounded strained. "Twice. That I know of. The first time was with a waitress at one of the restaurants he worked at while I was pregnant with Fen. I had morning sickness almost from the beginning into the second trimester and I was working so much."

"Don't make excuses for that poor excuse of a man. You decided to stay for the baby's sake?"

"I think we both did but I couldn't get over it. I was exhausted and hormonal after the birth. I just didn't feel that way about him anymore. So, I concentrated on my daughter and career. I'm sure Nate got his needs met somewhere else."

"And you? What of your needs?"

Andrea whispered, "The night Fen was conceived."

"Oh, that's..."

"A very long time ago, yes."

The question hovered between them. Andrea figured Miranda was trying to find a way to ask it. Well, she wasn't about to start shying away now.

"No, it's not why I am really into you. Doesn't have anything to do with it, in fact. I can take care of my own needs, you know."

Miranda's sharp inhale and the lack of words curved Andrea's lips into a slight smile. Then she hummed into the phone.

"Oh, you like to picture things, don't you? I'd like to hear about one of your fantasies, Miranda. Or would you rather I tell you one of mine?"

"That's...well..."

Dropping her voice lower still, Andrea said, "Do you want to know how I get so excited when you're close to me that I have to stop myself from rubbing against you like some..."

"Oh, please...please stop."

"Now I'm picturing it, too."

And Andrea felt her body react as she sat alone on the couch. Stroking her thigh, she closed her eyes and imagined the taste of Miranda's skin.

"Mummers." Fen pouted, pulling herself up on the couch.

Andrea startled but made room for her child to sit in her lap as she groaned into the phone, "To be continued, Miranda."

"M! Let me talk. Hi, M!"

"Promises, promises." Miranda purred then cleared her throat. "Now, put your beautiful daughter on the phone."

Smiling, Andrea handed the phone to Fen then tried to get some of the bigger tangles out of her daughter's long, curly hair. Babbling between bouts of giggles, Fen enunciated a few words which allowed Andrea to follow some of their conversation.

"Stop, mummers." Fen groused trying to push Andrea's hand away.

Duly corrected, she removed her fingers from her daughter's hair. Fen nodded, her eyes downcast as if in concentration.

"Okay." she said, then rolled her eyes. "Yes, M, I heard."

Andrea bit back a smile then told her to say good bye. To Andrea's relief, Fen hadn't hung up and simply handed her the phone.

"Most of that was Caroline speaking, I'll have you know." Miranda relayed. "Evidently they made plans for a fashion show when Fen returns."

"Does this extend to mommies, too?" she whispered, mindful of Fen who snuggled against her chest and tucked her head under her mother's chin.

"I don't think your heart could take it."

Chuckling low, she pictured Miranda in a long fur, black heels and a smile. "I'm sure you're right, Priestly."

"Let me know when your mind's out of the gutter."

"Fat chance of that but...switching gears, thank you for..."

"I merely called to wish you good luck. Even though I know Nigel is going to be distracted, I'm hardly annoyed."

"Must be because you have me."

There was a pause in conversation, long enough for Andrea to grow a bit concerned.

"Perhaps we'll Skype at one point."

"Maybe right before you go to sleep?"

Miranda laughed, the sound a sinful rumble in her chest. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"I would." she replied vehemently. "So much so, give me ten minutes and we can do a practice run tonight."

"And here we are, crossing the line again. Apparently, neither one of us has much control around the other."

Andrea glanced down at her daughter sleeping in her arms with a tiny fistful of Andrea's t-shirt. At times, being a mother was damned inconvenient.

"One day, Priestly, and soon."