When I woke up I didn't feel like getting out of bed, I was comfortable and content, so I lingered. Without fully realizing it, I had accepted the situation in its entirety. Wesker surrendering, being stuck here, his attraction to me, my attraction to him. I still hadn't fully accepted my feelings for Wesker, maybe that wasn't right- I accepted them but I wasn't ready to have them on display. With that in mind, I was rethinking the line I had drawn concerning physical contact with my old captain. I don't think I'd be able to have sex with him and get over it when he betrayed me again. I wasn't sure I'd forgive myself for letting him walk away from me again either, not that I would have a choice in that matter- if he wanted to go, he would. So maybe not all the way but maybe totally depriving both of us wasn't necessary either. There was still the issue of the BSAA finding out I was… not exactly literally sleeping with the enemy. So maybe it was necessary… but did my standing with the BSAA mean more to me than Wesker? What the hell was that thought?! Of course it does! I helped build this organization and my entire life is in it and Wesker was an evil untrustworthy monster! Even… even if he has been so kind… and honest… and human lately. I knew it wouldn't last. I was sure he would leave again once this month was over and he had whatever it was he wanted. He would have to start over after handing us everything he had but there's no doubt that wouldn't hold him back for long.

There went my content feeling… at least I was still comfortable. I needed a distraction, hopefully Jill was awake.

Chris: Have any more therapy sessions
Jill: She says I'm too stiff
Jill: She suggested that I leave work and spend time with friends to relax some more
Chris: Good luck with that
Jill: Yeah if only she knew my best friend was in prison with a dangerous man
Chris: How much does she know about that
Jill: Everything but the part about Wesker being in custody
Chris: So basically nothing
Jill: Basically
Jill: But I only have to see her for the trauma over the fall and the whole being 'worked on' by Wesker thing so that's all she knows about
Chris: Worked on
Chris: Is that what they're calling it
Chris: He saved your life
Jill: I know that but I can't exactly defend Albert Wesker to someone who has no idea about anything
Jill: I want to get this mandatory therapy over with not spend the next year talking about our entire history

I wanted to defend Wesker myself but it wouldn't do to go off on Jill when she already knew that Wesker was… was what? Okay? Safe? What word could possibly describe what was going on? So I changed the subject.

Chris: Have you worked out a new schedule yet
Jill: Yeah
Jill: I'm starting an afternoon shift and keeping to it
Chris: Sounds good
Jill: So if you and Wesker do anything keep it on my shift so I can look the other way

I didn't answer that, not tired enough that the implication didn't process but too tired to focus on it. I wasn't quite upset that she went there because I knew she was trying to be playful about my crush but I was insecure enough about my feelings that I wasn't sure I was ready to joke about it.

Jill: Sorry was that not okay
Jill: I still don't know how to respond to that whole thing
Jill: Is joking about it allowed
Chris: It's fine
Chris: I think there's some truth behind what you said anyway
Chris: There's plenty that happens that could be seen wrong by someone else
Jill: So you're what going to start planning when he's allowed to come onto you
Chris: Jesus Jill
Jill: Sorry this is just so weird
Jill: I'm trying to understand I really am
Chris: I get how crazy this is but it's hard enough dealing with my own doubts
Jill: I'll stop
Jill: Promise
Chris: I just meant that I'll try to be more conscious of who's watching so I don't risk getting into trouble
Chris: I know how that sounds and I know you were joking and I'm already kicking my ass over the whole thing but I can't help getting comfortable with him
Chris: You don't understand he's not threatening me or anything not even subtly he's been nothing but cooperative and even open with me about a lot of stuff
Chris: I'm not naive enough to believe he's actually changed at all but you know he's at least serious about handing us everything he has once this is over
Chris: I don't know what he's planning after this but he's going to have to start all over and will probably be a wanted man even in his inner circles since he's turning on everyone and if all he wants in return is for me to be nice especially while he's being so nice I'm not going to put effort into keeping my guard up
Chris: Something is different and there has to be a reason I know you feel it too

I waited a few minutes for Jill to respond to my rant and when she didn't, I decided to get out of bed since I was feeling nervous now. I went about my usual morning workout, thinking of asking if Wesker wanted to join me in this routine from now on, then I got into the shower. I heard my phone vibrate on the counter and hurried out to see what my best friend had said.

Jill: You make a lot of good points and yes I do feel it too
Jill: I don't think you would get into trouble for any of this no one's going to think Wesker's like brainwashed you or anything
Jill: It's you we're talking about
Jill: You're a founding member here and you've never given anyone a reason not to trust you and everyone knows your stance against corruption and bioweapons
Jill: Honestly I think the higher ups were glad that he asked for you because it meant we had someone in there we can trust
Jill: It might make plenty of people uncomfortable for varying reasons but no one would think you'd turn on us for Wesker
Jill: Plus you'll have me on your side if anyone does try to reprimand you

I stood naked in my bathroom for a long while just staring at my phone. I knew what she had said was true… I've known all along. But having her say it… she unknowingly just crushed my last excuse not to allow myself closer to Wesker. It was so hard resisting his advances at times for the sake of my own feelings but those could be neglected in the heat of a moment. My standing with the BSAA- my life was something that I couldn't ignore so I threw that on the line as well and it worked. But now… even if I tried to use that excuse, it would crumble thanks to Jill's friendly reassurance. What do I do now? What do I tell myself to stop from giving my heart to an untrustworthy man? I could try to pretend that my heart wasn't in it but who would I be fooling? I had to keep at least some distance from him so it wouldn't hurt as badly when he inevitably left, I had to be able to say at least I tried.

I jumped at the sudden knock on my door. Without thinking I nearly went to answer it before reminding myself to dress first though I only pulled on some sweats before leaving my bathroom to cross my bedroom to the door. Pulling it open, I watched red orange eyes slide over my exposed skin and turn red though they didn't glow. For a moment I suspected he might be excited by the sight of me half naked but he looked highly irritated instead which confused me.

"You've been out of the shower for some time now so I figured you may be ready." his eyes roamed over me again and I noticed a faint glow that was still a little intimidating even though I knew he wouldn't try anything. "It appears I was wrong." he sounded almost angry which only served to confuse me even more. "Make yourself more presentable and I'll have your breakfast ready." even as he said that, he rolled his eyes like he was already regretting offering me food. Without waiting for my response, he turned his back to me and made for the kitchen. I looked over myself but didn't see anything wrong with what I saw. It was normal for me to walk around shirtless when I was at home alone or sometimes while I trained on hot days. While this was the first time I'd done it here, it wasn't like my torso was some sacred sight I wasn't supposed to reveal. I thought he would like seeing me shirtless anyway so why was he acting like this? I admit I should've taken the time to put on a shirt since I've been pushing my own line with him enough lately and I was telling myself to stop. I hadn't even thought about it… was I doing it subconsciously? Still, even if I should be mad at myself over this, why was he?

I went back to my bathroom for the rest of my clothes and my phone before heading out of my room. I sat in my spot at the table where my food waited for me to start eating while the blond man went to clean up from the cooking. When he was done with that, he still sat on the couch with his notebook so while he wasn't up for conversation, he at least wasn't mad at me enough to stay in his room to avoid me. So after I ate and took the time to clean my dishes since Wesker had already cleaned the kitchen so I didn't want to dirty it again, I joined him on the couch. I made sure not to seem like I was moving with caution but he didn't act as though he was upset at all. Maybe I just imagined it.

… … …

It was only midday but my eyes were growing heavy out of boredom, having nothing better to do than scroll through the news with nothing important to tell. Wesker was sitting next to me on the couch working on a letter which meant conversation was out of the question. I thought about going into my room to watch tv but found that I was too comfortable out here to leave. I also thought about going into my room to take a nap but again, I was too comfortable and almost regretting choosing such a comfy couch. I turned my body so my back was leaning against the arm of the couch and I brought one knee up onto the cushions so I was slightly reclined. Bored of the news, I shot a text to Claire though I knew she was at work so I was about to text Jill again when Claire responded.

Chris: What was that you were saying about living through you
Claire: It happens to the best of us
Chris: So fill me in
Claire: Unfortunately not much to tell
Claire: Maybe you were right about my life being boring
Chris: As long as you're happy with it
Claire: Of course
Claire: Making the best of it as usual
Claire: Your life is more exciting than mine right now
Chris: It's really not we sit around and do nothing most of the time
Chris: We were playing around with that chemistry set yesterday though
Chris: That was fun
Chris: Wesker ended up making some kind of acidic foam stuff and I exploded it everywhere.

"Can you turn the vibration off if you're just going to have that thing in your face anyway?" Wesker asked with mild irritation at my phone going off so much though he didn't look up from his writing. I rolled my eyes but did as he asked, saying nothing so as not to bother him any more than I already did. I didn't notice that I had slouched a little further down the couch.

Claire: Wow
Claire: See your life is far more exciting than mine
Claire: I feel like this is a stupid question but everything's fine right like you didn't get hurt
Chris: No it was very mild it wouldn't do any damage and I don't mean an actual explosion
Claire: Okay so it was a dumb question
Chris: Never hurts to check
Chris: What are you up to anyway
Claire: You really don't wanna know
Claire: Just a bunch of meetings and follow ups on some recent investigation into Tricell
Chris: Are they doing something suspicious

Tricell was a growing name in the pharmaceutical field lately but I didn't know too much about the company. Not just the BSAA but other forms of the government looked into all such companies that dealt with biological and chemical fields and as far as I'm aware, there haven't been any red flags with them. TerraSave seemed a little late to the party if this was just a routine verification since they've been around for years now so maybe they were up to something. Hard to know for sure and I tended to be more on the paranoid side with these things since I know first hand how well Umbrella cleaned up after themselves to remain hidden for as long as they did. They were a monster to finally take down.

Claire: Not sure yet
Claire: I'm not on the investigation team I just help in the aftermath
Chris: I know Claire and I'm so proud of you for that
Claire: Oh stop it you big sap
Claire: I'm not doing as much as you are mr hero

I hesitated at that, thinking of all the people I've lost but tried not to show it.

Chris: I'm no hero
Claire: You're my hero

That pulled a touched smile from me.

Chris: Now who's being the sap
Claire: :P
Chris: We have different roles but we're fighting the same fight
Chris: You really help people and all I do is kill
Claire: You kill BOWs and bad guys that want to destroy the world
Claire: Speaking of bad guys how's mister tall blond and admittedly handsome

I snickered to myself at that and my gaze momentarily shifted to Wesker though he was still writing away in his notebook. I knew I shouldn't, I've been crossing my own line enough as it was and I wasn't sure if he was still mad at me for… whatever he was mad at me for this morning. But I was really running out of the willpower to care so I used my foot to nudge Wesker's leg to get his attention. Once he was looking at me and I was no longer at risk of messing up what he was doing, I wriggled my foot under his notebook until he lifted it. He watched with a curiously amused expression as I shifted further down the couch into a comfortably reclined position with my legs across his lap. With the smallest hint of a smile, he lowered his notebook onto my legs to use as a base to continue his writing on though his gaze sometimes drifted back to me here and there. I smiled to myself at my successful infiltration and went back to my conversation with Claire.

Chris: I've just turned him into my leg rest
Claire: He let you do that

I chuckled and looked to my old captain and current nemesis to see him already watching me though he rolled his eyes at whatever I was doing and went back to his business. He still wasn't moving me away so I wore a triumphant smile.

Chris: He likes it
Claire: This is all still so weird
Chris: I'm actually getting pretty used to it
Chris: Boredom is getting to me though
Chris: I think I'm going to move my tv out here
Claire: You don't watch it in your room

I almost dismissed the question or changed the subject but this was my little sister, I could be honest with her.

Chris: I like being out here with Wesker
Claire: Definitely weird
Claire: But I'm not going to judge
Claire: As long as you're safe and happy

My smile softened as I considered that. I didn't even need to ask myself… I was happy here, at least for now. I'm sure everyone else couldn't wait for this month to be over but I was dreading it. When did that happen? There were a few different reasons, some reasonable like I was sure he was going to try to break out or something but I couldn't deny that I just didn't want to be away from him. At the core of all the reasons was the fear of Wesker leaving me and it was that fear that was holding me back from closing the last bit of distance between us. Would that fear ever leave me? No, I don't think so… Wesker wouldn't ever stop his plans indefinitely, we all knew this surrender was temporary. He would never stay with me and I would never go with him. We could never end up together.

"That's quite the conversation." Wesker commented which actually startled me out of my concentration. Reflexively moving my phone out of his view was unnecessary since he still hadn't looked my way, eyes still glued to his notebook. Though my suspicious action drew his inquisitive gaze since he had merely been commenting on how long I had been typing away on my phone.

"Uh… yeah." I said dumbly, preoccupied with reassuring myself that he didn't know what the conversation was about. It wasn't like we were talking about anything bad, just some small talk with my sister… even if it was about him.

"Well now I'm curious." Wesker told me with a predatory grin on his face as he forgot about his notebook. I shrugged and slid further down the couch until I was lying flat on my back so my thighs are over the other man's lap.

"I'm just talking to Claire, we're both bored." I answered as plainly as I could.

"And what is it that you're discussing?" he turned his body so he was facing me a bit more.

"Just stuff." I shrugged again. "Nothing special. Her work and what I've been up to in here. She's making sure I'm safe and all that." none of it was a lie and I seemed to pull off a casual enough tone to sell nothing further having been discussed because he seemed to lose interest. He relocated his notebook to my upper thighs and continued writing though I could catch his eyes on me from time to time. Great now he could watch me without disrupting his work at all. Still… he was closer to me like this and that spread warmth through my chest.

Chris: As strange or terrible or whatever as it may be I am
Claire: Then I'll be happy for you
Claire: But Chris just promise me you'll keep in mind it won't be like this forever
Chris: About that
Chris: Can we talk about something

… … …

There was a pulsing pressure on my hand accompanied by a gentle voice that barely reached my groggy brain. I groaned awake, moving one hand to rub at my eyes as I processed my surroundings. I was laying on my side on the couch in mine and Wesker's shared living space. The man himself was sitting closer to me than I remembered with my legs still over his and surprisingly… my hand in his. I must have been looking at our joined hands oddly because Wesker gave me an amused expression.

"You did it." he told me matter of fact and I mentally shrugged it off because I believed him and in honesty I enjoyed it. I wasn't much of a cuddler even when I was young but every now and again Claire, Jill, and various sexual partners I've had have told me that I grabbed for them in my sleep. It was usually something small, sometimes just a light touch to ensure constant contact. Jill thinks it's a subconscious reassurance that I'm not alone and I believe that. Claire noticed it after we lost our parents and for a good while I wouldn't let her away from me, not even while I was sleeping. I think that's what started it, the desire to protect my sister so strong that I reached for her even in my sleep but that went two ways since it also told me that I wasn't alone in my suffering and I still had her. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm afraid of being alone as I do fine and sleep fine on my own and everything but when there is someone else near me, I'm told I seek contact even if it's just the back of my hand touching their arm. I think it got worse after the mansion incident. I continued to lose people and not just through death… Wesker's betrayal left a deep gash on my abandoned heart, one I'm not sure will ever heal. But right now his hand was warm over mine like it'd been there for a while and he even absent mindedly rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. I smiled tiredly at him and squeezed his hand back before I stretched my free arm and let him keep the one he had a hold of.

"What's up?" I asked through a yawn, remembering his voice calling to wake me.

"Jill has been trying to reach you." he said with a nod to my phone resting near me on the coffee table. I reached for it with my free hand but couldn't quite get it so Wesker released my other hand to make it easier for me to get to. I grabbed my phone to check my notifications while the blond resumed his reading from a book I didn't think he had out here before I fell asleep as his hand now rubbed my leg. I had a new text from Claire and a few missed calls from Jill and wondered what was so important for her to keep calling me. I was about to call her back when her name silently popped up on my screen. I accepted the call as I twisted back to lay flat again, even scooting a bit closer to the blond man under my legs as I adjusted. We were close enough now that my butt was touching his thigh and he turned and leaned to me again though this time he placed his book on my stomach, using one hand to keep it open while the other rested on the back of the couch. Like this it was a little out of his way but I think he did that to intentionally avoid my groin though that gave him a window of access to it to stare at if he so chose. I tried not to think about that as I turned my attention to my phone call.

"Hey, sorry Jill, my phone was on silent." after turning the vibration off at Wesker's request, I never turned it back on. I heard her sigh in frustration. "What's going on?" I asked, worry creeping into my voice over her distress.

"The day shift asshole is making homophobic remarks about you and Wesker." she growled harshly into my ear and I almost sighed in relief that nothing was actually seriously wrong. I moved my phone away from my head for a moment to check the time, Jill should be on the cameras now so my guess is the last guy saw me asleep with our prisoner and holding his hand. I could imagine him making his comments on it to Jill and the fight she totally caused over it.

"So?" I asked as casually as I could muster. I wasn't one to care about stuff like that though it did bother me a little bit. I've heard it all in terms of rude slurs and I've stood up for whoever they were directed at whenever any sort of bullying happened in front of me… though I must say I've never had them directed at me. Wesker has been the only man I've ever had any romantic feelings for and only two other people knew about that and I only told them recently. But I was now also worrying about what might come if the guy rose a stink about it to others.

"So he's an asshole!" she exclaimed and I nodded my agreement.

"What'd you do to him?"

"I threatened to get his ass kicked off this case." she said with a hard hmph. "If he was just going on about how it's Wesker you're getting up close and personal with, I wouldn't have cared- might have even shared my own concerns with him. But the fucker actually seemed more affronted by the fact that you're both guys than the fact that it's Albert Fucking Wesker in there." I smiled through her tirade and shook my head lovingly. This woman.

"Well thanks for defending my honor." I spoke sarcastically which got the other man to raise a questioning eyebrow at me. "Our honor." I corrected with a wink to him that got both his brows to raise in surprise.

"By the way, tell Wesker thanks for finally getting you up, only took four calls." my best friend grumbled and now Wesker smirked.

"I didn't wish to disturb the moment." the blond man stated loud enough that Jill would be able to hear. Of course he could hear her, he had great hearing and she was practically shouting. I quickly set the call on speaker and placed my phone on my chest though I didn't know what to do with my arms now since Wesker was taking up the rest of my torso. So I moved one hand under my head to lay on and cautiously placed the other on top of Wesker's arm that held his book open. Thankfully he didn't draw extra attention to what I had done so I wasn't too embarrassed about it. But just because he didn't doesn't mean that someone else kept silent about it.

"So where are you two now anyway?" Jill asked over the speaker on my phone and I tried not to blush at the implication in her tone. I squeezed my eyes and groaned at her though my nemesis seemed amused.

"I've been wondering that myself." Wesker teased, his gaze on me expectantly. The arm that rested under my head now came over my eyes as if I could hide from this.

"We haven't talked about it Jill." I so kindly informed her and she was silent for a long moment though I heard her sigh at herself in realization of what she just did.

"Sorry." she stated sheepishly. "I thought you didn't answer me before because you were talking to him and when I saw-"

"I haven't decided." I cut her off before she could say more. Now I couldn't help the heat in my face. I peeked under my arm to Wesker who was watching me with a very interested expression. "But I guess now I have to." I groaned again and recovered my eyes. "Tell me more about the fight you picked." I hurried to change the topic and luckily everyone allowed it as Jill continued into the specifics of what was said. Wesker didn't seem bothered at all which wasn't a surprise though Jill huffed and puffed about it. I didn't blame her, if someone insulted her I would light a fire under their ass too. "Hey you don't think he'll…" I let the sentence hang in the air, hoping she would catch onto what I was talking about.

"Even if he does I don't think anything would come of it, like I said before." she thankfully did catch it and reassured me. I guess with that, it would get around the BSAA that I was in some sort of gay relationship with Wesker whether it was true or not… does that mean I should fight the claim or embrace it? I felt more pressured to make a decision now that Wesker knew it was for certain on the table rather than just the subtle hints that I might have been debating it. I heaved a very heavy and long sigh as I spun it over in my mind. "I'll let you know if he tries to start anything."

"Thanks." I said as I grabbed my phone to hang up. I tapped Wesker's hand with the one I had kept over his throughout our conversation. He took my meaning and moved his book off of me so I could swing my legs over the edge of the couch to sit up which now put me sitting so close to the man that our thighs were pressed together. He gave me a long look before I carefully inched away from him, just far enough that we were no longer touching. He wore an expectant look on his features though I didn't know exactly what he was waiting for. "Why were you mad at me this morning?" I asked as the first thing that came to mind as a distraction. His inhuman eyes widened a minuscule amount but I caught it before they narrowed. His brows furrowed as he thought it over for a second and I waited, crossing my arms and watching at him.

"Do you recall what we were discussing last night?" he finally responded, seeming to decide to lay it out for me.

"We talked about a lot-"

"The last thing." he cut in impatiently and my face heated up in realization. I had asked about how he reacted to my masturbating and he responded… very favorably.

"Yes." was all I muttered.

"And what did you do last night?" his tone was accusatory now and I felt like I was shrinking. Suddenly we were back in his office in STARS and he was lecturing me over something stupid that I did.

"What does that have to do with-"

"What did I tell you about my current capability to pleasure myself?" then it all clicked. He wasn't comfortable jerking off while being watched by the BSAA, very understandably, and I gave him something to listen to even though I knew he could do nothing to relieve the tension it would cause him. In my defense he had told me to do just that… though I knew he didn't expect that I would ever actually do it. So he just had to listen to my exotic noises and suffer… it must have been torture. Then to add salt to the wound I showed off my body to him the very next time he saw me. Now I did feel guilty, truly I felt bad… but I couldn't help but laugh. His glare hardened on me and I waved a hand at him dismissively.

"Come on, it's a little funny." he let out a low groan that sounded more like a growl as he turned his body away from me so he faced straight again. "I'm sorry, I… won't do it again." I questioned, wondering if that's what I was supposed to say. He looked me over for a moment and I tried to keep the blush off my face over what we were talking about but I'm sure I failed. I felt rather childish blushing like this all the time. I was a grown ass man who's had plenty of sexual encounters yet somehow I still managed to turn into a burning mess when Wesker does or says anything provocative. What was I, some virgin teenager? Jesus Christ I needed to get a hold of myself.

"So what are you going to do Chris?" he asked very seriously and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What?" I asked dumbly and he leaned closer to me, confidently placing his hand on my cheek to tilt my head higher to look up into his narrowed eyes. I blushed harder at the stare he set on me, it wasn't angry anymore… it was insinuating and needy. I always thought his stare would set me on fire but this wasn't the context in which I thought it would happen yet here we were. My body heated up at a faster rate than I thought possible as his discolored eyes watched me.

"If you're sorry, what are you going to do to make it up to me?" his voice was so low it may have only been a whisper, I couldn't tell the difference but my focus was solely on him so there was no way I would have missed it. My jaw clenched to keep from saying anything I might regret. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do about any of this yet. Since Jill crushed my last solid excuse to have this affair with Wesker I hadn't allowed myself to think about it, worrying that lingering on it would just make it worse. I thought that if I didn't think about it, I wouldn't have to deal with it since the blond man had been backing off… when in reality it just left me unprepared for when he started again because I've been the one toeing at the boundary I myself set. Of course he would try again, I was showing hesitance and he was taking advantage of that. "Have you decided?" he was whispering now, closer to my face as he continued to lean. Suddenly Wesker's face wasn't as close and he was looking at me with a strangely worried expression. It was then that I realized my shaky hand was on Wesker's chest to keep him at a distance. I stared at it with wide eyes, wondering when it had moved or when I had wanted it to. My heartbeat was in my ears and my fingers trembled slightly, my mind raced but surprisingly into a single direction. I wasn't ready. "Chris?"

"I…" my voice stammered and trailed off, my mind beginning to spin now. I wasn't feeling the same forbidden longing as I had during other encounters of this nature with my old captain. The last reasonable excuse keeping me from him was gone and he knew it… all that was left was the fear of inevitable loss. He didn't fully understand the question he had asked but the answer was no, I hadn't decided yet if the pain of losing him would be worth the bliss of temporarily having him.

"I don't understand." Wesker stated with the smallest tilt of his head as he continued to watch me not able to meet his eye. "From what I've gathered, you're no longer worried about the BSAA knowing about us so why are you still resisting me?"

"Us?" I asked, my eyes finally flicking up to his though I found no irritation there, only concern over my reaction. There's always been a piece of me that's been afraid of Wesker in one way or another. I feared disappointing him when he was my captain, I feared what I didn't know about him when he betrayed me, I feared the reality of him being gone with I thought he was dead, I feared what he had become when I learned he was alive, I feared what he was doing to innocent people in the following years, I feared he would kill me in Spencer's mansion, I feared he was truly gone after Jill's sacrifice, I feared his motives when he surrendered, I still fear what he'll do after this, but more than anything I fear him being absent from my life. I think being so close to him in such a peaceful environment has allowed my feelings for him to become completely unburied and now I couldn't control them. I was afraid of these feelings because Albert Wesker was a monster and yet… I… I loved him. No more denying it, no more pretending I wasn't sure of my feelings, no more avoiding the word. I love Albert Wesker even with all the horrible things he's done, even as the monster he'd turned himself into, and even though he's using me. I love him. I love him and he with all his genius brain didn't have a clue. "There isn't an us." I shook my head. "I'm a respectable member of the largest anti bioterrorism agency and you're the world's number one bioterrorist. What 'us' could exist?"

"None of that needs to matter in here." he countered and I could see how that could be a valid argument since it was obvious we both wanted each other and I've come to the conclusion I could have him in here with little to no negative repercussions to my job. But he didn't know the emotional repercussions it would have on me that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

"It's not something I can just turn off." I shot back which was true because even if I could now admit that I loved him I also still hated so much of him and what he's done. There wasn't any forgiveness in my heart for him, I wasn't willing to overlook the evil he's done if he wasn't willing to make amends for it. There was that small hope in me that truly wished that's what his surrender was supposed to be the start of, redemption… though I knew it wasn't.

"Are you afraid of me?" the inhuman man asked, seeming genuinely surprised. I've never shown fear while facing off with him and I've always come after him with headstrong determination but he must know that of course I was afraid of him and what he was capable of. But that's not what he was asking, anyone would be at least a little scared of him even if it was just of the raw power he possessed.

"Of course I am." I confessed without hesitation.

"I told you I wouldn't hurt you-" I shook my head to stop him.

"I believe you." I stood up with a sigh. "But this agreement won't always stand and there are… other things I'm scared of concerning you." that was all I was willing to say about it. "I'm going to bed, we'll talk later." without waiting for a response, I headed into my room and shut the door. I was still kind of groggy and wanted to crawl into bed though I knew Wesker would be around soon to give me tonight's letter 'Army' so I sat up to wait.

~...~...~...~

My experience in the army wasn't exactly what you would call 'standard'. As an 'official ex-employee of Umbrella' I was scouted for my skills to be used in their bioweapons projects… the ones that weren't strictly legal. I was in a prime position to play the role of the spy since I was of course still with Umbrella's information department in secret. I helped the U.S. Army with their illegal weapons under the guise of serving my country while also reporting any progress back to Umbrella. Nothing we worked on was noteworthy considering the leaps taken in later and more recent years, fairly tame chemical warfare that would have been staggered by political red tape was most of it. This was of course still during a time that BOWs and the likes were only in development under Umbrella. The world was so simple back then when toxic gases that only killed you, albeit in slow and unbearable ways, were the main worry for enemy attacks in terms of biowarfare.

I could have done more during my service in the army, I could have developed something terrible for them as I had done for Umbrella many times. However I chose to focus on my training, really honing my skills with various weapons and further mastering the art of hand to hand combat. I learned first hand the ins and outs of combat strategy through sometimes bloody trial and error. I played with the lives of whoever was in my unit just to see what would happen. Naturally I learned swiftly and utilized my newfound skills and unique tactics well in the field. I was soon recognized for my excellent work and leadership skills and quickly rose through the ranks.

At the pestering of William's insistent letters to me, I had a sexual relationship with a Serbian woman whose name I don't recall. It was during a rather dull assignment we had been given where we were stationed with a group of immigrants that had given us the intel on the mission details. Between William urging me to find a woman of my own and my unit's teasing that one of the women had a thing for me, I gave in to silence them all. By the end of the assignment I had lost interest though it was made clear she thought she was in love with me. Her sobbing over me was an annoyance and my indifference furthered my reputation of being cold. She along with the rest of the group returned to Endonia and my unit remained in the U.S. so I never saw her again.

I remained with the army for five years until Umbrella gave me the opportunity for a career change. Having tired of playing soldier in a field I wasn't enjoying with no real action nor my preferred kind of experiments to run, I eagerly accepted.

I was reassigned to an Umbrella funded special task force in Racoon City known as STARS.

I just want to take a second to tell you guys how much I appreciate you. You don't have to read my fics or send me the love and best wishes you do, and you certainly don't have to talk to me... yet here we are. I really appreciate each and every one of you for being with me, this past year has actually been pretty good to me (despite the virus currently plaguing us) though it's not without challenge or hardship. I don't really have any friends or family to speak of in my life so being able to talk to people who love the same things I do has been a real boost for me. Plus, as much as the strokes to my ego have been going to my head, it's nice to be reminded that I'm good at something, something that I love doing very much and I'm very very happy that you love it too. I know everyone is struggling through these setbacks and I'm glad you decided to read and support my work during this and I can only hope I can somehow make things just that much more bearable for you. Thank you for being with me.

Moving on to a more casual tone, I want to credit usuhikari for Jill's explanation of the BSAA not caring if Chris was with Wesker. I hadn't quite thought of it so clearly because I can tend to overcomplicate things so thank you usuhikari for putting it in such a simple and easy to understand way when I couldn't. And credit misch3fbunni3 for the idea of Wesker being bitter over having to listen to Chris pleasure himself when he knew he couldn't do anything about it. I hadn't thought of that and the suggestion absolutely hilarious!

I know Wesker's letter was so short in this one but there just wasn't much to say and I'm already going over a lot of mission planning and whatnot for another Chrisker story I've been working on first set in STARS so I didn't want to fabricate a mission for his unit to go on or anything. Plus I didn't want to have to make such temporary characters for just that use, call me lazy. So I'll be seeing you in the next chapter and be looking for some good news in the notes of that one. Later!