A/N: Hello! I'm back with an update much faster than I planned. I've struggled with how to proceed, but I think I've finally managed to settle on what to write next and where to take this.

(Tate Hathaway, I like Jon's jealousy, too. I actually wrote two versions of that scene, as I wasn't sure from which perspective to write it in. In the end, I settled on Jonathan's. And I'm glad I did. And yes, CLACE came unexpected, but I needed Clary to grow up and experience a relationship without Jon. It's always been just the two of them and I think this will help her grow a little more independent. So yes, I hastened Clace's get together, but this bit is important for what's to come. That's all I'm going to say for now:))

Without much further ado- enjoy the next chapter peeps.

Clary POV

It's been two weeks since Jonathan and I had our awful exchange. I try hard not to think about it, the way he grabbed me and drew blood. The way he looked at me. His anger and disgust at me. The words he uttered to me. The sheer hate. It gives me nightmares. In my dreams I relive those moments over and over again. Especially the last few seconds during which he looked at me with so much pain in his eyes. Pain and longing for us. Why does he push me away? All I see is his retreating form and I can't help it, but think that something has irreversibly changed between us. Things will never be the same. Most of all, I feel lonely and broken. I'm exhausted. From the lack of sleep and those nightmares that have me screaming and waking up in pain.

The two of us, we've been coexisting of sorts. We've been orbiting around each other. We never talk. He still looks at me with hatred in his eyes. I can't bear it, so I do the same. I ignore his presence. I pretend he doesn't hurt me the way he does. Every time he passes me and makes a point of not speaking to me and pretending I don't exist, every next situation adds another wound to my heart. There are so many internal and invisible wounds by now, that I worry I will never be whole again. I live with the thought that my brother doesn't want to be my brother anymore. It kills me piece by piece.

I pretend that I'm ok with it. To the world I show no emotion, but inside I'm crumbling, falling apart, turning into dust and disappearing. It's like he's ripped my heart out of my chest and ground it to dust and I don't even know why. I tried to understand. I really did. After he said those hurtful things to me that morning after the training session. After I watched him disappear, I waited three days for him to apologise to me. After three days, I bit down my pride and found myself in front of his bedroom door, ready to call it a truce, like the idiot that I am. I think back to the moment that broke us apart even more. If that's even possible. But it is.

I've knocked three times and he hasn't come to the door. I won't be ignored. I'm about to force my entry when the door flies open. He's in front of me. He's wet. A towel is wrapped around his narrow waist, exposing those impressive dips in his hips. His strong body fills the doorframe. I peruse him slowly and can't look away from all that bare skin. I peer up at him. Black eyes look down at me with disgust. I want to shriek back from those eyes, but I stand my ground. I won't be dismissed again.

I clear my throat. "I want us to talk."

"I'm busy. I've got a girl in the shower pining to have my dick inside of her."

"Don't be crude."

"Dick? Why Clary. You should know by now how that feels like. No reason to be prude."

"Jonathan! I came to make up with you. Why are you being so horrible towards me? What have I done to you?"

He leans forward and grabs my chin. It hurts and I can feel tears gathering in my eyes. I close my eyes, wishing the wetness away.

"Clary. Clary look at me."

I make sure my tears have retreated before opening my eyes. I wait expectantly. I won't let him see that he's hurting me.

"You and me, we are no more. I don't need you in my life. I don't want you in my life. I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear you. So from now on I will pretend that you don't exist. That you never existed. Don't ever expect to hear me address you again. Better yet, forget I exist and have ever existed. Forget the last 10 years we shared. The history we shared is null, It's forgotten. Let me be clear. I hate you Clarissa Fairchild and everything you stand for."

With those words he threw the doors shut and we haven't spoken since. I see him now on the other side of the training room. Doing exactly what he said he would. Ignoring me like I don't exist.

"Clary, were you even listening to me?"

"Huh?"

"I asked how you are feeling about being paired with Jonathan today?"

"What?" I look at Izzy questioningly.

"Did you not hear Hodge? He wants you to train with Jon today."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, do you want me to see if he can swap us around?"

"No. No it's fine. We're here to train after all."

I see Jace walking towards me. "Ready Clary?" He kisses me and adds, "Show him how it's done."

I face my brother on the mat. I can do this. Concentrate, I tell myself. The way he looks at me cuts deep. By now I have learned how to hide the hurt. It's hard though. His stare is emotionless and cold. Like I'm nothing to him. His expression freezes me, but I force myself to be present. I don't think about the pain he causes me. I want to speak to him. I study him carefully. He doesn't look well. There are dark circles underneath his eyes and his skin is pallid looking. That worries me. I think of how it used to be between us, how easy everything used to be. I think of how much I miss our conversations. This is just stupid. I miss him and I don't even understand what I did to him. Why does he pretend to hate me? I don't for one second believe this charade of his.

"Jon. Please." I look at him expectantly. "I miss you."

He stares me down. For a second I see his eyes softening, and I have hope that he will stop this madness. Then the contempt returns and he rushes towards me. He attacks me and punches my gut. Hard. Everything happens so quickly, I don't have the time to react. The punch feels much like I imagine it would feel like getting rammed by a truck. I fly backwards and hit the wall with force. I wasn't ready. I slide down the wall hyperventilating. I think he has punctured something inside of me and caused internal bleeding.

"What the fuck Jonathan. What did you do that for?" I hear Jace scream at Jon.

Hodge is in the background, keeping everyone calm. Izzy is all over me, applying iratzes. All I can hear is Jon's laugh. "Well, she needs to learn that a demon can strike at any moment. Not my fault she wasn't ready. Pussies." With that he leaves the room and all I can think of is that there was still hope. I was holding out for him to change his mind, to come back to me, but this shows that he truly hates me now. The old Jonathan would never have punched me like this. I've lost him for good, haven't I?

JON POV

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I wanted to hit her hard, but not this hard. I just wanted to reiterate my point slightly. I saw her looking at me with love. There was still hope for her that we would make up. But we can never be close again. After that fateful night/morning, I decided that it would be best if I left. But she'd never move on and live her life, so making her hate me is the best way. It is. It is! I keep repeating this to myself. I saw Izzy applying the iratzes. She'll be fine. At least I played my part convincingly. I saw the disbelief in Clary's eyes. The hurt and the conviction that this is it. There's no returning from this. Soon enough I can leave and never see her again. The thought feels like acid being poured down my throat. But it is the best way.

I've been walking the city for hours. Thinking about my life. About my Clary. How screwed up things are between us. How I screwed it all up. If I didn't desire her, none of this would have happened. So it's all for the best. Suddenly I smell blood. Someone is hurt. I follow the scent and come upon an abandoned building. I follow the trail, listening out to see if anyone else is there. I hear two voices and two different heartbeats. Carefully I get closer. One of the voices sounds eerily familiar. Valentine. I don't think, I walk into the room not knowing what I will find. The site looks familiar. Another circle made out of candles. Another dead fairy. My father stands next to the corpse wiping clean his bloodied blade.

"Well, well, well if it isn't my favourite Son."

I don't say anything. I want to know about the fairies. What he is up to, but I need to play this cool.

"Hello Father."

"No Clarissa with you?" He smiles at me.

"No. Just me."

"My little spies tell me that there is a drift between the Morgenstern children."

"Fairchild. I'm a Fairchild."

"If you say so. But we both know that deep down you will always be a Morgenstern."

"Whatever you say, Father."

"So...has my Son come to seek a cure?"

"A cure?" What could he mean? I need to tread carefully.

"Yes, of course. A cure to be free of your so-called 'human' side. Don't you want to stop feeling guilty about your feelings towards Clarissa? I saw the way you look at her. You want her. Your own sister. What an abomination that makes you. But I can free you. I can help you. Imagine yourself in a state, where you will never feel any guilt about any of it, ever again."

"You're delirious. I would never want to free that demon within me. I would lose Clary forever." I utter the words, but there's a voice within me that wants to submit to the idea. To be free of this turmoil I constantly feel.

Valentine grins at me. "Are you sure Son? She barely accepts you the way you are now. Why care?"

"That's not true. Clary loves me." I say it, but there's doubt. Does she love me still after all that I've done these past few weeks?

"Jonathan. Have you two spoken recently? Has she chased after you? No? I thought so. You're better off away from those weak minded fools, anyway. And that sister of yours? She uses you, Jonathan."

I want to stop him from saying anything else, but he continues with those hateful words.

"Jonathan, she uses you. She pretends to love you. She tells you that you matter, but then off she goes with Jace. How does that make you feel? Seeing them embrace each other. Love each other. My little spies tell me she sleeps in his bed every other night. She used to be in your bed, right? But you could only ever love her from afar, like a brother. But Jace, he gets to touch her, make love to her. Next she'll get engaged. Then she'll marry him. Have his children. Where does that leave you, my Son? The uncle to her children?"

He laughs hysterically and I just want to die at the thought of Clary having Jace's children. Every word my Father utters rings true and cuts deeper and deeper. I'm in physical agony.

Valentine continues the verbal assault. "The dark brother who hides away in the bleak corners of the world, stalking and pining after his full blooded sister! Honestly? Why burden yourself with it. Take away that pain. Free yourself from the limitations put on you by that Shadowhunter side within you, and by the law of the Clave. Kill the soul within you and be free. Free of her. For good!"

I want him to stop, but somewhere along the line he's managed to put visions into my head. Various realities. My reality and Clary's reality. Neither path follows the same course, forever orbiting each other. Never together. We are on separate courses and she will never be mine. Can I bear to be part of this world, knowing that she will live a full life without me? It would be so much easier to just switch it all off. To never feel any guilt or pain. It's almost too tempting, but I see what Val is trying to accomplish here.

I make my voice sound convincing when I breathe, "Never!"

He looks disappointed, but why would I care.

"Very well, Jonathan. If you are convinced this is the way."

He studies me quietly. I don't trust him like this. Thinking. He's dangerous when he actually takes the time to observe.

"There may also be a cure for your demon ailment. There may be a cure for you to get rid of the demon within you and to truly become Clary's brother. Truly! Don't look at me like that, there may be a potion that will remove those unbrotherly feelings for good. They are conjured by the demon side after all. Once the demon sleeps, those feelings will sleep as well. Imagine my Son. A life without darkness."

I want to believe him. I really do. But I know my father too well. Nothing ever comes without a cost.

"And in return?" I utter.

"Ah yes. Of course there is a cost."

"What cost," I ask and roll my eyes.

"Hmm let me think. What could be the cost to turn my Son weak. Why would I want a Son to freely choose to be weak? Why would I, Jonathan?"

"Please, Father. Please don't play with me. If there is a cure, you must tell me!"

"For fuck's sake Jonathan. Never have you begged me. Not even when I whipped you using demon metal! Clary has turned you weak with all her notions of sibling love. It makes me sick to see you like this. Begging."

I don't utter a word. There's more. I know him too well. Even after all these years.

"Very well. I need a cup. A special kind of cup. My sources tell me it's hidden in Brazil. I need it retrieved."

"What's so special about this cup?" What is my Father up to? The cost surely must be higher than some simple cup.

My Father looks at me almost devilishly. "My Son. This Cup will bring the end to the Clave. It will bring rebirth. A new world in which you will be free to be anyone you desire. Live your life whichever way you wish."

I laugh out loud. Of course the cost is much too great. The end of the world, so I can be rid of this demon? It seemed too good to be true. I've learned to never expect too much from this world. Clary was always my little piece of light. My haven. Now, without her. I live in a dark and miserable world. I look at my Father and tell him my decision.

"Never! To kill the Clave? I'd rather stay the way I am than see you turn this world into a hellhole."

"You will change your mind, my Son," and with those words he leaves me behind to ponder our future. If I know one thing, it's that Valentine always gets what he wants. I will make it my mission to stop him from hurting Clary's world.

XXX

I'm back at the institute heading towards my room. I keep replaying the conversation. I could research various cups, but how am I to know which one? I know it has something to do with dead fairies. I also know that the cup is in Brazil. Perhaps, I do have enough information to look into this mysterious cup. I'm so deep in thought that I don't hear the approach from behind me. For once I'm not quick enough to respond. Jace has thrown himself on me and holds a blade to my throat.

"I should kill you for hurting Clary like that." He pushes the blade further into my throat and draws blood. I push my neck against the blade.

"Kill me Jace. Go on." I feel no fear.

"I won't kill you. She would never forgive me. She loves you. How anyone can love a sick piece of shit like you is beyond me. It shows what a big heart she has."

"Jace, I don't think she loves me anymore. So go ahead. Kill me. Kill me! She wouldn't care!" I scream.

Jace leans into me. "There will come a day when I will. But for now, know this. I love Clary and she loves me. But she also loves you and that keeps you safe. For now. Hurt her again though and I won't think twice about hurting you. Even kill you."

His words disappear. All I can concentrate on is that Clary loves him. Something within me snaps. This is what I wanted though, isn't it?

I get up and push him away. I need to leave. I need to drink and fuck and forget. The cup is forgotten for now.

Clary POV

I wake up feeling healed. Jonathan did a number on me. I'm sure something burst inside of me from that punch. I feel pain, but it's more of an emotional pain. Pain at the thought that my brother hates me and I still miss him. What does that make me? The biggest loser of losers?

I remember his angry eyes. His awful words, 'You're a disgusting slut for whoring yourself out to him the way you did, Clarissa. You'd probably let me too, wouldn't you?' I remember the way he punched me. I need to finally see that I have truly lost him. This thought angers me. How dare he! How dare he do this to us? How dare he speak to me like that? I won't speak to him until he apologises and he will apologise. He will come back to me and beg for my forgiveness.

I know I sound delusional. However, I cannot trust his behaviour. Something just doesn't add up. It's like something has possessed him. It's not like him at all. I've been spending time in the library, reading up on demonic natures, trying to find an answer, a cure, a miracle. Anything to get my brother back.

"Hello! Earth to Clary." I look up and spot Izzy.

"Clary, it's been two weeks since we've done anything fun. You've been holed up in your bedroom or the library for too long!"

"And?"

"And enough is enough. I know you two had a fight, but seriously I'm worried. Jace is worried. Alec is worried!"

I roll my eyes, "I've been going out on patrols, so you've seen me."

"Yeah, but you look miserable. You don't talk. You just stare into nothingness all the time. I've got three brothers, so I get it, I get that you argued and that you're upset. Ok?"

No, You don't get it, Izzy. No one gets it. The only person who would get how I feel has figuratively disappeared and I'm worried he won't return. I'm scared he's forever lost and broken. What if I never get him back?

Of course I don't say any of those things to Izzy. She wouldn't get it. Her relationship with her brothers is vastly different.

"So what's up?"

"We're going out. To a demon bar." Izzy's eyes sparkle. There's more to it.

"And, what are we to do at a demon bar? Get killed?"

"No Clary, we are to investigate some disappearances. Some fairies have gone missing and we are to blend in and try and find out if anyone has heard or seen anything."

"Funny. Us? Blend in?"

"You know what I mean. Get ready. Get pretty and I see you downstairs in fifteen minutes. Clary, I mean it! Fifteen minutes tops!"

I nod at her in understanding and slide off my bed. I hear her closing my bedroom door. I can't be bothered, but a change of scenery might help. Perhaps, someone at the bar can answer my questions, why Jonathan suddenly seems to hate me. With that thought in mind I start getting ready.

XXX

An hour later we're at the bar. I've dressed to blend in. My hair is straight for once to make me look a little older. I've given my eyes a smoky look. My lips are painted red. I'm wearing black jeans, black boots, a black tank top and a leather jacket. I'm wearing my outfit like armor tonight. I'm done with feeling sorry for myself. If Jonathan is bent on hurting me. Fine. I can take it. I bet he's hurting just as much as I am. I don't believe this act of his. This thought alone keeps me going.

Jace and Alec are arriving later, so we don't look too conspicuous. Izzy and I are queuing and she's chatting to me about this boy she met. Someone called Simon. He's a vampire and she says that he'll be here tonight, so we'll look more like we belong and hopefully someone will open up to us about the missing fairies. I nod every now and again, I'm too exhausted. When did life get this excruciating?

"Oh there he is. Simon. Over here."

I look up and see Izzy waving towards a handsome guy. He looks familiar somehow. For a vampire he has quite a friendly looking face. There's something sweet in his expression.

"Hey Simon, so glad we found you. This is my friend Clary, the one you saved."

"Saved?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot to mention. Simon is the vampire who gave his blood for the potion that saved you."

"Thanks I guess?"

"Don't mention it." Simon flushes red if that's even possible for vampires?

"So...Izzy said that you might be able to help us investigate?"

"Yes. Yes of course. We'll talk to Alex. She always knows what's happening with the downworlders. I saw her earlier. Let me see where she's disappeared to." I see him looking around the bar, looking to find this Alex person.

Suddenly I feel a shiver moving down my spine. I know the cause of it before I even turn around. He is across the room. Staring at me with that hateful gaze he's been using recently. How anyone can say so much just through eye contact is a total mystery to me. I can't breathe. I've forgotten how to move. How to walk. I want to ignore that he never looks at me with adoration anymore. I want to pretend that things are normal. I want to smile and run up to him and hug him and show him that he can't get to me. That I know he doesn't hate me. I want to talk to him and find out why he's been like this. At this point, I don't care if he apologises or not. Screw my pride. It's all in the past. It's all forgotten. I have all these thoughts running through my head, but then he smirks at me and averts his eyes to a beautiful blonde who is perched on his lap. I want to sink into the ground. He's just blatantly ignored me. Again. And I was stupid enough to want to brush it all under a huge fucking rug.

"Oh there she is," Simon motions us to follow. We start walking towards my brother, a place I long to be as far away from as possible. Why can't I forget him? If he doesn't want me in his life, why can't I let go? Because you love him. My tongue is tied. I've lost all sense of what's right and wrong. I should not walk towards them. He's said some very awful things to me, then he's ignored me, then he punched me and ruptured internal organs and now he's back to ignoring me. I deserve better. I'm making a fool of myself.

I stop behind Izzy, averting my gaze. I hear her addressing Jon.

"Hey Jonathan. Long time no see."

"Hello Izzy. Hi Simon, right?"

"And Clary. Clary is here," Izzy says with determination, but he ignores her. Instead he's rubbing this girl's legs and hips and nuzzles her neck. Whatever he's doing is making everyone feel uncomfortable. Izzy clears her throat and Simon averts his eyes. I think I just heard this girl moan. Oh my God. Suddenly it strikes me that it is the woman from the alleyway, the woman I caught him with. Alex. Rage brews inside of me. I'm not used to feeling internal heat like this. I'm so mad at him for ignoring me. That's what's got my emotions running so high. He's hurt me. His sister.

"So? What brings you to this fine establishment?" Jonathan looks at me, then averts his eyes and waits for an answer from anyone, but me.

"Clave business. You would know if you attended any meetings." Izzy grunts.

"I've been carrying out my own investigation."

"Looks like it." Izzy laughs out loud.

"Don't presume to know anything."

"I know that you should apologise to Clary."

"Clary and I are done."

It feels like someone has stabbed a hole in my heart. The pain I feel is acute and overwhelming.

"Jon, stop being mean. She's your sister."

"She's no sister of mine. Look at her, the way she's cowering in the background. It's embarrassing."

Fury consumes me. How dare he. Breathe. Clary. Just Breathe. Then I gaze at the girl on his lap. I'm so mad and she seems like the easiest target right now.

"Alex. That's right. I caught you whoring yourself to my brother in an alleyway. That's so cheap if you ask me." I sneer and add, "Make sure to use protection, with my brother you never know what disease you may catch." I look at Jon when I utter the last words and pitch black eyes devour me.

I hear Izzy spewing out her drink and Simon quickly adds, "Alex. I'm sure Clary hasn't meant to say what she did." He looks at me imploringly and adds quietly, "This is Alex who we planned to ask for help."

I don't take my words back. I suddenly feel arms around me and turn to find Jace. I'm so glad to see him. I throw myself at him and kiss him passionately. The more time we spend together, the more I like him. He's been there for me since Jon has turned on me. Even the sex has improved and I've started to enjoy it.

"I'm so grateful you came. I whisper to him."

"I've missed you, too Clary."

"Isn't this sickly sweet puppy love." I hear Jonathan sneering behind me.

I turn around and catch my brother studying us both with disgust. Or is it pain?

"Just because you don't understand the meaning of love Jon, doesn't mean you have to be mean about it."

He stares through me like he didn't hear me talk. His eyes consume me. There is so much feeling in those eyes, I forget how to breathe again. How does he do it?

What do I see? Is it pain? Is it hatred? Is it anger? I used to be able to read him like no one else, but now I don't know who this man is anymore.

"We're off." He gets up and waves at us, "Bye bye little children." He drags Alex behind him and leaves. I've never seen anyone make such a quick escape. He seems rattled. I wonder why.

"And off goes our only lead. Well done, Clary." Simon mutters.

"Why are you so keen to help us anyway?" I snap back.

"Because, Clary. What's happening isn't right and I want things to be right."

Silence follows Simon's words. I'm too embarrassed to say anything else. I know that I've spoilt our only lead, but surely we can find someone else to help us.

"I think we need some shots." And with that Izzy disappears towards the bar and I sit down next to Jace. With Jonathan now gone, there is a huge weight off me. Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes. I'm determined to have a great night.

A/N: So this was a bit of a longer chapter. Obviously, things will get a lot worse from here! I know, because I've written two more chapters today. I'm still fine tuning though, so bear with me:)