Chapter 16: John Phoenix Meets Edgeworth

Edgeworth marched into the room swinging his arms wildly and almost cut off one of Phoenix's spikes.

"Hey! Watch the hair!" cried Uncle Phoenix, ducking. "Edgeworth! What are you doing with that sword?"

"Sorry, force of habit." Edgeworth returned to sword to his scabbard. He was decked out in full military regalia and was wearing giant epaulets, tight knee-high leather boots, and a red beret.

You see, when the War broke out, Edgeworth immediately resigned from his position as district attorney and joined the military as a Military Prosecutor, because he was a true patriot. Basically, his duties consisted of prosecuting enemy officers for war crimes and making sure they got executed, and he also had to court-martial soldiers for things like cowardice or pillaging. So far he had killed 200 people.

"Why, Miles Edgeworth, what are you doing here?" asked the Judge. "Last I heard you were serving overseas."

"I thought that my presence was needed more on the homefront," replied Edgeworth. He launched into an explanation. "You see, I was performing aerial reconnaissance over an enemy POW camp in my personal biplane (The Edgeworth) when suddenly I received news over the radio that Manfred von Karma and Damon Gant had escaped heaven and murdered a woman named Mary Wright." He turned to Phoenix. "I hope, Wright, that she wasn't a relation of yours?"

"She was my secret sister I learned about 2 months ago," replied Phoenix Wright sadly. "She was John Phoenix's mother."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Wright." He squeezed Wright's hands in his. "But at least she did a good job birthing your nephew before she died." Then he let go and resumed his story.

"Anyway, I knew that Manfred von Karma mustn't be allowed to roam free, because he is a madman, and as his former protege, I felt that it was my personal duty to stop him. So, I ejected from my personal plane and activated my parachute and flew back to America. As I was being carried away by the wind I heard a tremendous explosion at my back, and I knew that my plane had crashed into the POW camp, just as I had planned. I had hoped to kill some of the guards and perchance give the POW's a chance to escape, but I soon realized that the anguished cries and moans of the dying men came not from foreigners, but from my fellow countrymen, because they were dying in English."

Edgeworth continued. "I felt a slight pang of regret at having inadvertently caused these men's deaths, but then the dying POW's started singing 'The Star Spangled Banner'. It seems that they viewed death as a preferable alternative to the horrors and indignities of the camp. My heart swelled with pride, and I was glad that my plane had liberated them from their suffering. After all, death isn't so bad," he mused. "They died serving their country, and it's the duty of every American to always be ready and willing to lay down his life for his country."

"Hear, hear," said Godot, and everyone clapped appreciatively of Edgeworth and his brave conduct in the War.

Except Phoenix Wright. "But... but that's crazy..." he said. "How could your parachute carry you all the way back to America?"

"It was easy. I simply allowed myself to be carried along by the trade-winds. Any more foolish questions?"

"No, forget it!" Phoenix exclaimed, shaking his head clear. "We have more important things to worry about. Manfred von Karma's brain escaped and Trucy is still missing. They must be hiding her someplace."

Godot pointed at Franziska. "I bet the wench knows where. She was working with von Robot after all."

Edgeworth's eyebrows jumped off his face. "What? Franziska von Karma? You were working with Manfred?"

"Hmph!" she replied. "Hmph! Hmph!"

"I'm afraid she'll be going away for a long time," said the Judge. "Impersonating a defendant is a serious crime."

"So is helping a kidnapper," added Phoenix Wright.

"As is giving me a tie that steals my psychic powers," chimed in John Phoenix, who had been quiet until now because he was still mad about losing his original tie, which he strongly suspected had never had a glass shard in it to begin with until one was planted by Franziska. Thankfully John Phoenix had managed to steal his uncle's tie while he was distracted, and then the Judge tied it for him.

Edgeworth walked over to Franziska going tsk-tsk. "Tsk, tsk, perhaps the prosecutor's office will decline to prosecute her. After all, she was only acting out because she was upset that I had used my influence as the Chief Army Lawyer to stop her from becoming a Military Prosecutor. I knew she wanted to serve, but it would simply be too dangerous. Besides, the Army Courts are no place for little girls."

"Well said," said Godot, who hated women.

"Hmph, well I apologize," said Franziska. "I was just so angry that you got to be a lawyer in the army and I didn't! When father escaped heaven, I was basically crazy, I was ready to go along with anything he said."

"It seems you are the foolish fool this time, Franziska," said Edgeworth intelligently.

"Just tell us where Manfred is!" demanded Phoenix.

"Very well," she replied. "The secret hideout is under the Judge's chair in the courtroom next door."

Phoenix started to run off but John Phoenix bodyblocked him. "Ow! John Phoenix-"

"Objection!" cried John Phoenix. "No. Von Robot and Gant aren't hiding out there anymore. I know, because I made a brilliant bluff!"

Phoenix stared stupidly. "Huh, what?"

To be continued...