A/N; Life is tough. Sometimes I don't want to get up and just stared at the ceiling all day. Sometimes to fight depression I read. I read a lot, either fanfiction or books. Anything that could pull me away from reality, helps me a lot. And for the past months, Grey's help me a lot with that. How about you?
Chapter 13
That afternoon, Meredith is waiting for the elevator. Her shift starts at noon, when she left the house, George and Lexie already having their lunch. Izzie and Alex stayed in the hospital, Izzie texted er to bring extra clothes for her so she went to Izzie's room to get her some clothes
She was tapping her feet when the doors opened. She entered and bunch of people were already in there. She was looking down, waiting for it just to close. Tapping her shoes, she smiled when she smelled the familiar scent. She looked up and saw Derek, smiling at her. She smiled back at him and turned her head in front of her. The elevator arrived on the next floor and Cristina walked in. Meredith cleared her throat and greeted her.
She smiled at Cristina, looked again in front of her.
"What's up with you?"
"Nothing." She replied.
The elevator stopped in the surgical floor, she hopped off, Cristina following her and Derek on her back.
"What's up with you?" Izzie asked as they bumped to her on their way to the resident's lounge.
"Nothing!" She repeated. She went straight to the nurse station to get an update for any progress on her post up, Derek doing the same, and secretly listening to her conversation with Izzie and Cristina.
"I think she got laid last night. She's all alone in the house, she can have all her screaming orgasm." Izzie said.
"What the hell Izz!"Meredith said as she looked around.
"What? It's true! When it's going good in Meredith's sex life, the whole house can hear it. I mean, I said put an oil in that bed spring of yours. "Izzie said casually.
Meredith's face turned red, avoiding anyone's eyes.
"Is that true? All the man she brought at home? When you know? Last year? Inappropriate men?"
"Actually, no, only one guy, but he liked that guy, then we all know how that ended up-." Izzie as if her voice could any be louder.
"Shut up." Meredith hissed
"And Will? The guy looks like he knows what he is doing. He looked good in the outside, I bet in the inside too. O" Izzie continued.
"Saw them kissing one time, she didn't hear me. Tongue action based from my point of view is grade A." Nodding Cristina.
"Oh God." She hissed at them. "Can we please stop talking about my non-existent sex life and change the topic? Please" She said in a begging voice.
"I mean, Mer, come on. It's us."
"Right." She said sarcastically.
"No, she did not got laid last night, but something good happen last night. " I left them in the nurse station after checking all the post op I left with my interns and when I found good results. I gave my charts to the nurses and left them. They both followed her in the residents lounge, leaving Derek in the nurse station whom Meredith assumed was able to listen all the conversation she had with Izzie and Cristina.
"You did not get laid last night but you are smiling oh so brightly. What did you do?" Cristina said after she stared at her while Meredith changed into her scrubs.
"That look? Mer got laid last night. We were in the hospital last night" Izzie butted in. Meredith's eyes got wide and look around and found few people staring at them again, this time in residents lounge and probably heard what they are talking about.
"Shut up!" She hissed at the both of them. "No one got laid last and no one had a screaming orgasm."
Izzie scoffed at Meredith's response while.
"But something is off or rather changed with you. Spill it out now." Cristina said.
Meredith ignored Cristina and Izzie and just left the room and went straight at the nurse station. She found Derek standing there and scribbling in one of the charts still hadn't left based from the outfit. She stood beside him and asks for charts. She casually greeted him while waiting for the charts to be handed off to her.
"Dr. Shepherd." She greeted him.
"Ah, Dr. Grey." He changed his posed and leaned against the nurse station. He greeted back.
She smiled at him and turned around to her interns.
"Charts." She handed off new charts for her interns to review.
"I have a craniotomy this three p.m. Do you wanna scrub in?" Derek asks her after her interns left. She looked up and smiled at him. Knowing what he is trying to say.
"I actually have a… I will scrub in with Dr. Riggs this afternoon for CABG, and… I am under his service so.."
"Mer?" Alex said who is watching them from a distance. He is waiting for her to start the rounds.
"Yeah." She said nodding at Alex.. She turned around to Derek. "I… I have to go."
"Dinner?" Asking her again before she could leave."
"I'll check." Then she left him.
She was scrubbing when Nathan entered the room.
"How was your date last night?" Nathan started.
"It went great. But…"
"But what?" He repeated.
"I broke up with him."
"Thought it went great?" He asks her with no judgment on his voice.
"It did. But, I feel like I was cheating with Derek, then m patient died, and I realized a lot of things so…"
"So?"
"In short story, I ended with Will then fied things with Derek. Am I stupid?"
Nathan smiled at her question and exhaled. He turned the faucet off and raised both of his hand.
"I think you are brave. Trying with him again." Meredith did the same and about to enter a room full of nurses.
"But after all this months?"
"Mer.. I get it." A nurse handed him a towel to remove all the water from his hands. She did the same and. "I'm going to be Big Bro on him though. Try something funny and I'll kick his ass." He chuckled and give his thanks to the nurses.
"I might not tell you this, but thank you Nathan. Thank you for being there for me." Nathan winked at her. She smiled which could be seen to her yes.
"Always."
"But, could you not tell it to anybody yet? We are taking it slow."
Time flew fast, it was already past six when the surgery ended. She volunteered to talk to the patient's family to tell the good news that it went well as Nathan needs some sleep as he did not get any since midnight.
She was in the lobby when she saw Derek, talking to George. She walked past them and looked for the patient's.
"Hi." She said in front of Mrs. McKee. She gave her the information which ended up hugging her.
She turned around and went straight to the elevator to get some coffee down the floor when she saw Derek waiting. They both agreed that after surgery they'll get coffee at the hospital park.
They were not talking but they are smiling while facing the door. Derek entered first, he turned around and leaned against the banister, smiling at her knowingly. She followed him and shakes her head at him, conveniently it was only the two of them inside.
"Stop that." Meredith said as she faced the front doors.
"Stop what?" Derek said to her, he step forward and put his hands on her waist pulling her closer to her.
"You are doing that eye thing of yours." She whispered while watching the numbers of the floor change.
"I'm not." He denied, he hugged her from the back and kissed her check. "So dinner?"
"Yeah, I know this place, just around Joe's you'll love it there." She was thinking of bringing Derek at Mike's, aside that she knows that is the only place where she will not bumped anyone from the hospital, she likes to introduce him to her new life somehow, if you could call that "new".
"My car? Your car."
"Both cars. Let's just convoy on the way." She said in finality.
"Okay." He said, did not argued with her. She deserved a slow love. Uncomplicated. No rush. Sure. Stable. Consistent. Which he deeply regret he did not realize that much earlier. Now he knows. So, he will go with Meredith's pace.
The elevator dinged, which means it is about to open and both startled them. He pulled back and leaned again in the banister, both look guilty as if they did something inside. They were welcomed outside by Dr. Bailey.
"Uhmmm" Derek cleared his throat.
They both greeted Bailey and hop off the elevator as if nothing happened inside. They went outside to the garden where the new coffee stall is located and so far none of their friends knows that yet.
"So, I told Nathan about us." She started as she seated. Derek sat beside her and crossed his legs as he just listened.
"Not Cristina?" He just waited for her to continue.
"Let's be real Derek. Cristina is not onboard with you. She is the first person that you can see in the list of Anti Derek if that exist. And if I tell her now. She won't be supportive with my decision. You hurt me and she saw that and what I need right now is support, and I know I'll get that from Nathan." She finished.
"How did you two become so close?" He asked her as he can see a sort of connection between them. He was able to watch them at the gallery earlier and can see that they are having fun with the surgery.
"Well, I had a very bad day, I looked for a bar or places where our memory does not exist, and I stumbled with that bar. And I saw him and just pour my problems with him and Mike. And they just listen, ever since that, I have been hanging out with Nathan, we do breakfast, sometimes lunch, a lot of times dinner." She said casually at him, she didn't notice the hurt that was written on Derek's face.
"But you didn't dated?"
"No! Seriously, no." She denied immediately.
"But you get each other."
"Uhuh, we get each other's pain." She agreed.
"How?"
"Not my story to tell." She just said to him.
For the rest of their coffee time, they talked about both of their surgeries and how it went well. At the back of Derek's mind, the conversation of Izzie, Cristina and Meredith earlier today has been playing repeatedly. Jealousy is something he wanted to avoid but it is eating him up, and he knows he does not have a right to be jealous. But knowing someone knows Meredith right now more than he do breaks him. He tried to be casual with what he feels. Nathan took care of her when he couldn't, he should be thankful about it.
After a few minutes of exchanging stories, they when on the rest of their shift.
Derek was in the conference room, updating some charts while waiting for Meredith to finish her shift when Bailey entered to get some coffee.
She looked at him, Derek well aware now that she is looking at him raised his eyes from his charts and look right back at her.
"Bailey." He greeted her.
"You and Grey sniffing each other again in the elevator?" She ask suspiciously
Derek was shocked by her question, he look around to see if anyone is near who can hear them before he can answer.
"Yeah, actually we are." He said brightly and chuckled at her question. "But she wanted it to be private at first cause, we both wanted to take this slow and make it work, and given the history…" He trailed off.
"Well, I'm happy for you. Hope this time you won't messed up." She said while stirring her coffee cup.
"Thank you, Bailey." He said.
"Just, don't hurt her anymore, Shep."
"I've learned my lesson. Don't have plans on doing it again. This is it, Bailey."
She nodded and left him.
It was quarter to ten when he got a text message from Meredith that she is about to be finished with her shift and they should meet in the parking lot. After receiving that text, Derek went straight to attending's lounge and changed his clothes to street wear, he was texting Meredith that he is about to enter the elevator when he saw Mark waiting for one.
"Ah, didn't see you all day." Mark said.
"Well you know what? So did I." He said jokingly as he put his phone in his belt.
"Last night you were so down, now looks like santa gave you a present in this month of March. What changed?"
"Nothing, I'm just happy."
"I even thought of going to your trailer and grab a drink to comfort you about Meredith and that dude from Bauer. What happened in span of hours?"
"Does Lexie knows that you slept with my ex-wife?" He changes the topic.
"Yeah, I am honest with Lexie that is a mature like relationship is. You should try it sometimes." He said cockily to Derek.
He scoffed at Mark, he never thought in his life that he will see Mark Sloan to be in a serious relationship. He is happy for him as he can see the progress in Mark's character.
"Are you really okay?" Mark insisted again.
"Yeah, I'm okay." He said while walking to the exit on the entrance. He saw Meredith already inside of her car, just waiting for him. Mark not looking at Derek, he nodded at Meredith's direction as he open his car door. "I'm gonna go."
Meredith saw him entered his car, she started her engine when Derek started his and followed her. They were not that far in the hospital when Meredith's car put a stop. She opened her doors a few minutes later which he did too and followed her inside. When she entered she went straight at the bar and greeted the bartender. From Derek's perspective he can see that they've known each other for a while, he seated beside her and turned his sit to her direction and but a hand on her back.
"Hey." Meredith said as she was handed the menu.
"Hey." He greeted her back and kissed her in the cheek. Meredith smiled at that and wrinkled her nose at the bartender.
"Derek, this is Mike, he owns this bar. Mike this is Derek." Introducing Derek to Mark. Meredith watch Mike arch his eyebrow at her and nodded.
"You are McDouche?" Mike said to Derek who offered his hand. Derek was shock, didn't know what to say as he accepted his hand. Meredith giggled at what Mike said.
"Yes, he is McDouche." She agreed.
"I am McDouche?" Derek asks.
"You are, sometimes McAss, or McBastard,but most of the time McAss." She smiled at him after finishing her sentence.
"Yeah, I am those. Nice to meet you. Derek Shepherd." Derek said and shook Mike's hand.
"You guys got back together?" Mike asks Meredith as she is looking at the menu.
"We are trying too." Meredith said and looked up to Derek and smiled at him.
"Well, good luck Mer. What can I get for you?" Mike decided not to push the topic and waited for Meredith to order.
Derek and Meredith waited for the food and talked about their day. When they were together before they do that too but not the same way as now. They talked about everything on how things go with their patient, how things with their social life.
"Bailey knows about us." Derek blurted.
"What? How?" Derek heard a panic in Meredith's voice as she asks.
"Well, she might us caught us red handed in the elevator?"
"Were not!"
"She felt it?"
"Eww Derek. Hearing that from you?" Meredith laughed a bit.
"She knows, and she might have said to me not being stupid again. She won't tell."
"Damn, Bailey really knows everything." Derek nodded in agreement to her. "So Nathan knows, and Bailey knows. Wow, in less than twenty four hours two people already knows about us. So much for keeping it lowkey."
"We can do it." Derek hugged her in the side.
"How about you?" Meredith said to Derek softly. She intertwined their fingers as she waits for Derek's response.
"Hmm?" Derek said, watching their hands together.
"You need someone to talk about us too. I have Nathan." She replied, looking at him.
"I can talk to you."
"Yes, you can. But still, you need someone to talk about us aside from me. You can talk to Mark if you want too." Derek looked up from their hands to her eyes. He saw her sincerity as he looked into her. She was smiling softly at him, using his other hand, he pushed he hair strands that was falling from her bun.
"Are you sure?" Asking her. She nodded as she leaned towards him putting her other hand to his chest and kisses him slowly. He followed her lead and responded it slowly when someone cleared his throat. We stopped and both look up and saw Mike smirking at us.
For the next few weeks, Meredith and Derek was able to keep it a secret, for almost every day, they do dinners or breakfast. Dr. Nelson decided to continue the clinical trial but he suggested to put Dr. Shepherd in the trial too for a new perspective. Derek told Meredith about it the night before so she knows it before Dr. Nelson can even tell her about it.
She was excited about it as the news that Derek will be working with her in this trial. If this happened a month ago, she might find it awkward but now, the idea of her and Derek doing a medical history is magical.
"You had a date last night, but you still went home." Izzie said. They are at the cafeteria eating their lunch, with their friends.
"Uhuh." Meredith said as she forked her food.
"What is happening to you Mer? You and Will have been dating for more than a month now, still no sex?" Izzie looking shocked.
"Have Shepherd affected you that much? I mean a month ago you were all, I'm horny vibe, but now that you have chance you don't do it. Seriously." Meredith chocked from her drinks after listening to Cristina and Izzie.
"Is this so unprecedented to Meredith's chronicles?"
"Yeah." The four of them agreed.
"I mean, I understand that he last few months, you were not over Derek, but now? You are so totally over him, that you could even work with him again. You have the chance now to have sex, and quench your thirst, and feed the beast." Izzie said not looking up from the journal she is reading.
"She's right." George agreed.
"Yeah dude. It's been so long for you, I'm amaze you could survive that."
"Shut up!" Meredith exclaimed.
For almost the whole day, Meredith's friends has been teasing her about her sex life. Her non-existent sex life for months now, and they said that she's losing her game on that. She hates to admit but ever since she and Derek are dating again, as she knows that she wants to take things slot, she also, so badly, want to have sex. But as much as possible, she is keeping her words. They've been dating for few weeks now, He still hasn't told Mark about them too.
She was in the charting in the nurse station when someone tapped her shoulders. She was startled by it but when she the familiar smell entered her being she smiled and look up.
"Hi." Meredith said softly. Derek handed her a cup of coffee casually. For weeks now, people's gossip about them have died down. They now think that she and Derek are not getting back together anymore. That means, so far, what they are doing is effective, knowing that makes Meredith breath, the progress of what she and Derek have changed a lot. Comparing from what they had before where there are a lot of secrets, feelings hiding.
"So, how is our 13th patient Dr. Grey?" Derek asks her as he leans down to meet her eye level.
"Uhm..." Because of her talk with her friend at lunch, she has been thinking of sex… with Derek. She backed away and continued talking. "She's waiting in her room Dr. Shepherd, we are just waiting for you." She cleared her throat and avoided his eyes.
"Well then… lead the way." She nodded and led him to the elevator as Greta's floor is down below.
They were a few people inside, Derek stood beside Meredith as she wrapped her hand around the patient's chart. As he looks at her from a distance earlier, he knows something's wrong or something's bothering her. He can't ask now as they are in the hospital which sucks for him, he feel frustrated as wants to know what's wrong and what is going on.
When the elevator doors open and Meredith lead him outside, he looks around hoping to see a nearby supply closet or any room that could give them privacy. When they are about to turn into a corner, he saw an exam room. Before they could turn around, he pulled Meredith's arm inside the room.
"What are you doing?" Meredith exclaimed in whisper to him.
"Something's bothering you and we will not leave until you tell me about it."
"Nothing's wrong Derek." She said as she avoid Derek's gaze.
"Then why are you avoiding my eyes." He touched her arm again which made her back away. His eyebrows arch at her reaction and made a step forward again to reach her. "Mer?" He asks she backed away again.
She sighed. "My friends told something and I'm trying to think of this for days now but they planted a seed and I've been trying to unplant it this whole afternoon, if we are in this room, it will definitely grow and…"Meredith started to ramble which made her realize, she might said things that she might regret later so she stopped talking.
"What did they tell you?" Derek asks her with pure concern as well as curiousity. It has been a while since he saw Meredith ramble, and she only do that when she's nervous.
"I'll tell you later, could we please go to Greta now?" She walks past him and grabbed the doorknob. Derek sighed in defeat in nodded.
When they arrived they saw Dr. Nelson waiting for them in front of the room. They were about to enter when they heard the patient talking.
"Dr. Nelson and Dr. Shepherd can say no to such problem." Greta said to the lady standing next to her bed.
"What are we going to say no to?" Dr. Nelson said.
"Is there any way we can push back the surgery in a few hours? My boyfriend's flight was cancelled. He wants to be here." Greta said.
"Greta.." The lady protested.
"He has some questions.. he's so smart about this stuff, I don't even know what to ask."
"Are you reconsidering the procedure?" Derek asks her Greta.
"Andre and I had so little time together. We met in January, I mean this tumor could kill me right?"
"You have a very aggressive tumor, even if we don't operate you'll only have a few months." Meredith looked at Derek as he said that.
"But I'll still be with Andre. Do you know how precious that is? Time with the person you love." Derek nodded and looked at Meredith, what Greta just said hit him very hard. Knowing he almost lost his chance with Meredith.. Meredith looked away and turned her head to Greta.
"I'm not saying I want to cancel, I'm just saying I want to wait for Andre, he'll help me to decide."
""But we can't wait…" The lady again said but before she could finish Greta cut her off.
"He'll be here." Derek and Dr. Nelson look at one another. They left the room and went to the nurse station to discuss what happened in the room when the lady approached them.
"There's no Andre."
"What?" Derek asks.
"She made him up, he doesn't exist. My sister, she is not a woman who has boyfriends. Then months ago she goes on a cruise comes back and said she met her soul mate." She explained.
"Right around the time her symptoms started?" Dr. Nelson asks her.
"There are no pictures and nobody has ever seen him. Could you talk to her? Can you tell her we can't wait for Andre? Cause be could be waiting for a long time." Derek nodded and he and Dr. Nelson left and went to his office.
Meredith followed them.
"We don't have time to wait." Dr. Nelson said. "The symptoms are in line with her stories. We will be just wasting our time." He continued.
"We don't have all day but at least we can do is wait until three. She is risking her life here Dr. Nelson! here." Derek shouted as he feel frustrated for Greta. In the end, Dr. Nelson agreed and we will wait until three.
She decided to get some snack when she bumped into Alex and Izzie.
"Have you heard? Tapley is here." Walter Tapley, a world renowned surgeon. Meredith was shocked by that news but confused her as she didn't see Cristina following them. IF anyone's should be more excited than them, it should be Cristina.
"Where's Cristina?" She asks them. Ever since last week, when they heard that Burke won the Harper Avery award. An Award that any surgeon wish could have, Cristina has been acting differently, she snaps easily and keeps quiet, until today she thought Cristina is working that fine but now. She knows something's definitely wrong.
They both shrugged their shoulders to answer her question. She went to the nurse station to page Cristina 911 but few minutes later she still didn't respond. She got a text from Derek telling her they should wait with Greta. She sighed and decided to look into Cristina later.
As she heard Greta's concern, she felt pain on what could've been if she didn't try to give Derek another chance. She felt the pain of her words on not being with your love, spending your precious time being stupid and living with what if. She is glad she took a chance again, and seeing how things are going now. She smiled at Derek who is looking at her, she saw a hopeful eyes and a bit of concern. She sighed as she remembered again what she and her friends talked about again as she look into Derek's eye.
She cleared her throat and sat in the settee, shaking her head to remove an image in her mind.. Few hours after, it was already three.
"Is that clock right?" Greta asks Derek.
"I'm sure it is."
"Maybe his flight got delayed. His phone is off,maybe his phone is off cause he is on the lace. He is coming!" Greta started to sob. "My head did this."
"No, your tumor did this."
"He was never there," Greta said as she shakes her head. Derek nodded as he look into Greta's eyes. "Oh God… Oh God! How can he not be real?" Greta said as tears streams down her eyes. Derek touched her hand.
"I'm sorry."
Meredith touched Greta's shoulder as she comforts her. The lady who Meredith found out eventually is her sister, looks at her. Meredith shook her head at her.
Few minutes later, they are now at the O.R. Derek is supervising Dr. Nelson and Meredith.
"Remember, you guys need to stay in sync. Ready?" Derek said. Meredith nodded at him when the machine started beeping. Meredith look at it and saw that her pressure is rising. Dr. Nelson immediately instructed the nurse to put medicine in her IV when a nurse entered the room.
Meredith watched the nurse walks towards her and whispered something. Meredith looks shocked at the news.
"Is there a problem Dr. Grey?" Derek asks her from a distance. Meredith immediately look at Derek and replied.
"Andre's here."
"We reached the tumor, but there was swelling in Greta's brain. We did an MRI and it suggested that swelling caused a great deal of damage. It doesn't look like Greta's gonna wake up." Derek said.
"Andre, we are sorry. We didn't think…. I didn't think you were coming." Dr. Nelson said.
Meredith listened to them, her eyes are now bloodshot. Trying to stop herself from crying in front of the patient's family.
"The whole story.." Meredith voice broke when she started talking. "Sounded so incredible."
"She told you about the show right? It makes us both sounds crazy. Could never get that image out of my head, running up to get that one shoe, wind in her hair. Most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She might wake up right? In fairytales, they always wake up." Derek shook his head as he looks up at Andre.
Meredith and Derek look to one another. Both trying to stop crying. Meredith looks at Andre, crouching at Greta as he cries, holding her hand tightly.
Meredith walks out of the room and went straight at the resident's lounge. She sat at the bench and looked in her cubby. Derek sighed. It was his first patient in this trial and this is Meredith's 13th, as he is badly hurt now, he knows that Meredith is taking this a whole new level. He decided not to follow Meredith and left the room and walks straight to his office and brought the champagne he bought last night.
He entered the residence lounge and saw Meredith alone inside. He closed the door and started talking.
"There's no way we could predicted this Mer."
"You told me not to be attached with the patient's but here I am." Meredith said as she wipes her tears.
"It's impossible not to get attached with our patient's sometimes Mer."
Meredith turned around and looked up at Derek.
"I bought this last night." He showed the champagne to Meredith. "For when we get it right, because we will, we will succeed. We will save someone. Then when we do, we will open this bottle of champagne and we gonna drink for Philip Robinson and Greta, and all other patients who help us to change the face of medicine. And we are going to use this as our victory dance. Meredith, we will. When we open this bottle of champagne." Meredith smiled at Derek, tears flows her eyes. Derek hugged her on the side and kissed her temple. Meredith nodding at him.
Few minutes later, Meredith detangled from Derek's embrace and "I'm okay now. Thank you."
"What about earlier?" Derek asks her.
"It was stupid. It was nothing." She said, her mid is now completely off from earlier discussion from her friends. Friends. Meredith remembered Cristina.
"Crap!" She said.
"Crap?"
"Cristina! I have to see Cristina, I have been a bad friend today Derek."
"What happened to Cristina? Is this about Burke?" He asks as he swiped the remaining tears from her face. Derek cupped Meredith's face, Meredith smiled at him softly. She stand up from her seat whe Lexie came in, she cleared her throat thinking she might interrupted something
"Meredith?" Lexie said when she walks toward her. She raised her brow questioningly at Lexie.
"Cristina's singing at the morgue right now." Meredith left immediately and went to the morgue when she heard it from Lexie.