Chapter 12

RPOV

Both Bobby and I watched as Steph got up and walked out of the room.

"She needs professional help Ranger"

"I know. I thought maybe by working it through with her I could help"

"No. There are too many triggers setting off her panic attacks"

"I know. Will Ellery help?"

"He'll knows someone that will, someone better suited for Steph""

"She went through a very bad incident as a teenager. Her father told me about it. He discovered the trigger by accident and worked through it with her"

"Maybe that's how Steph has developed her way of dealing with things, her land of denial, but this is too much for her to cope with. You really need to work out where you stand with her Ranger. She depends on you a lot"

With that statement Bobby stood up and left the room, his last words echoing in my head. Hadn't Frank said exactly the same to me? Where did I stand with Steph? Something that I still wasn't sure about, though maybe that was my head talking. The sensible and logical part of me. The part that said that I should take care of her and not get too close to her emotionally. My heart though, shit that was dancing to a different tune.

I needed to tamp down all of this thinking so went through to my office and looked at my in box. I knew that Tank was carrying the load of running Trenton, but as CEO of three offices there were things that only I could do. I spent some time going through spreadsheets from the different offices and looked at their targets for the coming year. In the end though I gave up and just signed off the paperwork.

I paid the managers at the offices enough money, maybe I needed to trust their judgement more and allocate more accountability for them to properly oversee their own offices and how they ran. Yeah, that was definitely something to think about and it would have the additional benefit of freeing up more time for me.

I wanted to be upstairs with Steph and was feeling edgy with her maybe waking up on her own. Entering the apartment, I could hear the sound of the TV and found Steph asleep on the couch. I decided that maybe if I woke her then that might avoid a nightmare, so sitting on the edge of the couch I watched her. The bruises on her face were turning yellow and the swelling had gone down. I hadn't had the mirror in the bathroom replaced yet because I didn't want her to get more upset seeing how badly injured her face had been.

I knew she was used to getting hurt but I felt it was one more thing that she could do without. I leant over her and slowly started to kiss her cheeks softly, pleased as she started to move. Her blue eyes opened and looked at me, a smile on her face. Then just as quickly, she looked away and tried to move away from me, hurt passing across her face. It was then that I suddenly understood what Frank and Bobby were trying to say to me.

I was the reason for the hurt she was feeling, and I hated myself for that. I wanted her smiling at me, I wanted her to come to me. Hell, I wanted her so much it felt like a pain across my chest. My heart was lamenting all the decisions that I'd allowed my head to control. I loved her, hell was that it? That need that I felt for her, that need for her to be forever by my side. I cupped her face with my hands and turned her head so that I could look into her eyes.

"I love you Babe. Don't ever doubt that and I'm here for you as long as you'll have me"

I saw the shock cross her face, then worry and I suppose the doubt that I had ensured was sown into her thoughts. That was something I would have to work very hard at getting rid of because they'd come from me when I tried to qualify how close I could let her get to me.

"No qualifiers. Yes, I love you, in my own way because that is the only way that I know"

"Ranger"

"Hey, I'm the one who uses one word"

"I, I"

"I'm sorry Babe, I thought I was protecting you. Keeping you at arms length from someone like me. I don't deserve you Babe, but I can't fight it anymore"

I felt her arm come around me, closing my eyes as my face rested against her hair. I pulled away slightly and brought my mouth down over hers, demanding entrance and savoring the touch and taste as our tongues dueled. I eased back, aware that I was probably holding onto her too tightly and kissed away the tears under her eyes.

"I'll wait Babe, I'll do anything to convince you. Eres mi el único amor de mi vida, querida"

Of course, we were interrupted at the worst possible moment, but I suppose I should have known that Ella would be here soon. I slowly got to my feet and pulled Steph up with me, leading her into the kitchen where Ella was busy starting to get things out. A spur of the moment decision came to me as I watched Ella, so standing next to Ella I voiced my thoughts.

"Ella why don't Steph and I cook our meal and give you some time for yourself?"

I watched as Ella stopped what she was doing, but instead of replying to me she turned to Steph.

"Is that what you want to happen Steph?"

I noticed that Steph didn't answer straight away and was slightly concerned that maybe I'd overstepped with what I'd suggested.

"Err, yeah, sure"

Was all that Steph said but it was enough that Ella put the things in her hands down and started to retreat from the counter. As she passed me her hand came out and rested gently on my cheek and whispered so that Steph wouldn't hear.

"Smoked salmon and roasted vegetables. Everything you'll need is there. Look after her Ranger, she a very special woman"

I looked over to Steph as that was said, not really knowing why Ella had said that, but then it dawned on me, hell I already knew.

"Babe, you ready to get started?"

We spent time preparing the food ready for the oven. I was conscious of showing Steph what needed to be done and then letting her do it. She was very quiet throughout, concentrating hard and actually did a good job. There were a couple of near misses where I had to avert a disaster, the oven turned up too hot and the spill from the olive oil, but all in all I would say it was a success. I let Steph get the plates and cutlery while I removed the food from the oven and placed it on the table. Then watched as Steph served us both the food. Once again, her portion was small, but I wasn't going to say anything, maybe Ellery would have an idea about what was going on with her.

Once finished and tidied away Steph disappeared into the bathroom for a soak in the tub. She'd been so quiet since I'd opened up my feelings to her that I was beginning to regret what I'd said. Maybe I'd been wrong in assuming that she maybe had feelings for me.

Having time on my own I used my laptop to catch up with some work and was lost in reading through contracts when Steph came into the office. I closed the lid down and stood up to meet her. Her hair was wet, and she was wearing the robe from the bathroom.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yeah, I suppose"

"What's wrong Babe, you're so quiet"

"I don't know. I just feel, I feel disconnected"

I wasn't sure what she meant by that, if it was the ordeal that she'd experienced or even being here with me.

"Why don't we go away for the weekend. Rangeman has a safe house by the beach?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. Will you be there as well?"

"Of course"

"I don't want you to get behind with your work"

"Babe, it runs smoothly when I'm away. In fact, I was thinking of giving more responsibility to the office managers and maybe look at other ways to expand the business"

I was waiting for Steph to say something, maybe ask questions but instead she went and stood by the window and looked out.

"I'll let you get back to your work, I'm heading to bed"

"Babe, everything's going to work out, I promise"

Instead of saying anything she simply walked from the room and a few minutes later I heard the bedroom door close. I was at a loss as to what to do, it was almost as if as time went by Steph was becoming despondent, more closed off. I knew that she was struggling with sleeping and eating and hoped that maybe some time away and a change of scenery would help her to relax.

I worked for a couple of hours before deciding that I'd actually got some quality work done and went through to the bedroom. I sat on the chair and just watched as Steph slept allowing myself to go through in my head where we were in trying to resolve what had happened to her.

I was sure that something had been going down at that motel and whoever was there had seen her watching the place. That the woman calling herself Tasha turning up at her apartment looked as though they were keeping an eye on her. It was too much of a coincidence otherwise. I suppose if they then thought that she had some connection to Shane Cooper then they made their minds up that she knew more than they thought.

Tasha had arranged that Steph wasn't feeling well, maybe hoping that she'd be less successful with her job. So what had happened that they'd suddenly decided that they needed to kidnap her. Was it the man who'd pretended to be one of my men? Did his time with Steph finalize their decision? We needed to find these people and fast and start to link things together. Steph's description of a second man who had hurt her was worrying. Could she have accidentally stumbled across a terrorist cell. Hell, I hoped for our sakes that wasn't the case.

Seeing that Steph seemed settled as she slept, I went into the bathroom to shower, cursing as I realized that I needed to ask Louis to put up another mirror.