April 2376
It had happened just as Sisko had predicted it would. When the war was over, Starfleet had re-evaluated his parents' request for Ricky to visit Earth, but Julian had been ready for it.
Shortly after Captain Sisko had disappeared while on Bajor, Julian had been sent paperwork requesting that Ricky be sent to Richard and Amsha on Earth indefinitely and that once he was in a 'stable' situation, he could request custody again. Julian, however, had responded with paperwork proving that he had requested Miles and Keiko to serve as Ricky's foster parents since they would be moving back to Earth for Miles's new position at the Academy.
And now, as Starfleet had accepted Julian's fostering request, Julian was sitting in his quarters with Ricky on his lap preparing to say goodbye the best way he knew how. The things that Ricky would need had been packed in containers so that Miles and Keiko could take them to Earth. Ricky still wasn't talking, but he would get very upset if he didn't have familiar things around, Julian knew, so he had painstakingly packed them. At least he would have the photos.
Despite Julian's careful preparations, Ricky wasn't happy that day and so it was that Julian was using the little time he had left with his son to rock him gently, "I hope you're safe," he spoke in a quiet, trembling voice. "Hopefully, I'll be able to get you back soon. I'm going to miss you…"
The door chime sounded and Julian sighed, "Come in," he spoke, a sadness in his voice.
Instead of Miles and Keiko coming in, it was Ezri, "I thought you and Ricky might want some company until Chief O'Brien arrives on the runabout," she offered softly. "Is that all right?"
"Have I ever said no to you, Ezri?" Julian asked softly. "By the way, thank you for yesterday."
Ezri smiled, "It's not every day that Ricky turns two," she replied in a kind voice. "It wasn't any trouble for me to organize a children's party at Vic's. I thought it would be better than Quark's because the Holosuite can be changed easier. Besides, I don't think Vic minded at all."
"Colonel Kira to Doctor Bashir," a voice suddenly filled the air. "The runabout's here."
Julian sighed heavily, "Do you want me to help you with Ricky's things?" Ezri asked softly.
"No, but could I ask you to go meet Miles at the docking ring?" Julian asked softly, his expression one of quiet pleading. "I want to sit with Ricky a little while longer."
Ezri nodded, "Um, Julian, we should probably talk later," she spoke in a hesitant voice.
An uneasiness filled Julian, but he nodded and focused on rocking Ricky as Ezri left the room.
Ricky gazed up at Julian and quieted, as if he could sense his father's sadness, "I love you," Julian spoke in a trembling voice, holding Ricky close as he stood. "Time to dress you up."
Tears filled Julian's eyes, but he busied himself dressing Ricky in the clothes he thought would be best for 'separation day'. The door chime sounded at the same time Julian finished.
"Come in," Julian spoke, his voice falsely steady because he knew who it would be.
The doors slid open and Ezri came into the room with Miles, "Hi," Julian spoke softly, the expression on his face betraying the anxiety he felt. "How was the journey from Earth?"
"We've got Ricky a bed in the same room as Yoshi because you said Ricky shared a room with you and doesn't like having his own room," Miles spoke calmly. "The journey was long."
Julian nodded and Miles promptly picked up the handles of the two storage containers Julian had packed, "I'll carry these and you can hold Ricky for a little longer," Miles stated calmly.
"I'll see you for dinner later, Julian," Ezri spoke calmly. "You two should hang out."
It was only after Ezri left that Julian let out a weak sigh, "Let's go," he said in a weary voice.
As they approached the airlock, Julian was surprised to find Kira waiting there for them, "Well, I guess this is goodbye," Julian spoke in a quiet voice. "I'm sure you have to get back…"
"Unfortunately, I do," Miles admitted with a sigh. "Finals are next week. I'll load the bags and give you another minute to say goodbye to Ricky. I'll also get you your documents."
Kira looked at Julian while Miles moved into the airlock to stash the bags, "Documents?" she asked in a confused voice. "Why does Starfleet even want to take your son away from you?"
"They've been watching me ever since my emergency transfer to Starbase 375, but they held off because there was a war and because Sisko vouched for my mental fitness," Julian explained in a solemn voice, his expression sad. "Now that he's gone, they think I don't have the capacity to raise a child without help. Captain Sisko saw it coming and hence, why I reached out to Miles."
Kira frowned, "Starfleet shouldn't be separating children from their parents just because one or both have issues," she replied in a disgusted voice. "Wasn't there anything you could do to…?"
"It was either Miles or my parents and my parents would have treated Ricky like an experiment or a burden because he's developmentally delayed," Julian interrupted in an upset voice.
Nodding, Kira sighed as Miles returned and Julian gently delivered both a hug and a kiss to Ricky before handing him over to Miles and taking the tablet of paperwork from his friend that Starfleet had sent for his eyes only, "Daddy loves you, Ricky," Julian spoke softly, his expression carefully neutral. "Miles, I'll do my best to get him back as soon as possible."
"I know you will," Miles replied reassuringly, offering Julian and Kira smiles before he left.
The airlock door closed quickly and Julian's face crumbled as he turned away from it, "Do you want to sit in Quark's and talk?" Kira asked quietly, placing a hand on Julian's arm.
"I should probably find something to do," Julian spoke in a subdued, shaky voice. "I…."
A sob escaped Julian's throat and even though Kira wasn't normally one for public gestures of affection, she embraced her friend and allowed him to cry. Life hadn't been fair to Julian at all, Kira reasoned, and she hadn't been able to do anything about it, but she could comfort him now.
Ezri had never shown up for dinner, so Julian had gone to Vic's alone and had indulged in a simple salad while listening to old jazz. He had then worked in Sickbay until late into the night, silently going over the things he would need to prove to Starfleet before regaining custody.
After reading through the document, Julian had penned a letter to Garak and then had saved it on his personal PADD because he didn't know where to send it. Another two hours was spent looking at pictures of Ricky and hoping that the O'Briens would be a good foster family for him.
When Julian was finally tired enough to go to bed, he retired to his quarters and frowned when he found them both silent and empty. He found it odd because Ezri usually spent nights with him and Ricky and it was well past time for her to be there…even if it was just the two of them now.
The feeling of uneasiness returned as Julian changed into his pajamas and retreated to bed with only Kukulaka for company. It was somewhat scary sleeping alone, he thought to himself; he was used to having Ezri in bed with him and Ricky near the bed in the crib. Such quiet was frightening and was triggering memories of being alone at the internment camp.
Ultimately, Julian found himself unable to fall asleep and so he got up again and moved to the couch with Kukulaka in his arms. The bear wasn't the same as Ricky, but at least nobody would try to take Kukulaka away from him because his mental state wasn't what it should be.
Suddenly, the door chime rang, "Come," Julian spoke in a tired voice, his expression somber.
The doors slid open and Kira came in holding two PADDs, "We got new orders just now," she said in a quiet voice. "Federation vessels are being dispatched from Earth to help in the restoration efforts on Cardassia now that the Cardassians have finished burying their dead. They'll be stopping here on their way here to make sure their officers are fit to serve in a humanitarian capacity…"
"Oh, I guess Ezri and I will be busy for a while, then," Julian replied as he rose and walked over to her to see the PADDs she was holding. "I assume one of those is a copy of the orders for me?"
At the mention of Ezri, Kira looked uneasy, "Julian, this other PADD is a letter Ezri wrote for me to give to you," she explained in a concerned voice, frowning. "She…she left on the last runabout of the day."
"Ezri…Ezri's gone?" Julian replied, frowning because he was certain he hadn't heard right. "What?!"
Kira nodded and handed Julian the two PADD's, "Ezri didn't know how to tell you, so she wrote me a letter and asked me to deliver it," she explained in a quiet voice. "She was worried about upsetting you."
Realizing that breaking down in tears or getting angry would not help his case with Starfleet, Julian assumed a neutral expression and nodded, "Thank you for informing me, Colonel," he replied softly. "When are the first ships destined for Cardassia due to arrive so I can be ready for them?"
"Within the next 48 hours," Kira replied calmly, not liking that Julian had shut himself off emotionally.
Julian nodded, "I'll start preparing my staff and the infirmary in the morning," he replied in a professional voice, realizing that he had nothing left to him but work. "Thank you for letting me know, Colonel."
Deeply concerned for her friend now that he had lost nearly everything except for his work, Kira nodded silently and left. Once alone, Julian sighed and winced as he felt what was left of his heart break. Everyone he had loved had either left or had been taken away from him. He was alone…truly alone.
Please read and review! The next story in the series is 'Inner Loss'
Summary of Inner Loss: The Dominion War has been over for only a short time, but a catastrophic explosion cripples the station and Dr. Julian Bashir finds himself accused of the crime. In the process of this painful experience, he loses his grasp on reality AND himself. In an effort to protect his friend, Garak gets involved in the situation and weaves a complicated web that provides protection to Bashir, but creates chaos in the process. Just be aware that not everything is as it appears.