It was 3am, and an exhausted Santana rocked her crying ten-day old daughter back and forth. Nothing she was doing was working, and she couldn't help but feel a failure.
"Mila…shh, shh" she soothed, bouncing the infant gently in her arms. Suddenly her bedroom door opened, to reveal a concerned looking George.
"My life's over Dad" Santana wailed, frustrated
"Why don't you let Abuelo have a try?" George said gently, holding his arms out to take baby Mila. Santana gladly obliged, helplessly handing her daughter over.
"You know, I still remember the drive home from the hospital when you were born" George said, as he rocked Mila gently "You screamed blue murder, the whole journey home. I was so scared I jumped three red lights, lost my license".
"You've never told me that before" said Santana, studying her father.
"You weren't part of the club" he smiled, before turning his attention back to Mila.
Santana watched lovingly as he tended to Mila. He was strict, but to Santana he had been the best dad in the world, and a great role model. She felt comforted knowing he had struggled before. Maybe she wasn't a failure. Maybe this was just what being a parent was all about.
It was 3am, and an exhausted Brittany sighed in satisfaction as she settled back into her bed, working to catch her breath. Suddenly a tight arm grabbed at her and pulled her in close, and a pang of nausea hit her.
She bolted up and flew into the bathroom, grateful to have an en-suite, and hurled the contents of the night's alcohol into the basin.
"Damnit Brittany, why did you drink so much" she said to herself
"Oh. bloody charming that is!" a voice from the bedroom laughed. For a moment she had forgotten the British boy was even there.
She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, or the one-night stand, but suddenly she felt really shit. She gathered herself, grabbed her robe and headed shamefully back into her bedroom.
"Yeah sorry about that, one too many Tequila slammers" she mustered a laugh "Actually... sorry but...would you mind leaving? I'm really not feeling so good now, and I could do with just having my bed to myself and sleeping it off".
The British boy frowned.
"Oh come on babes! I thought we could fit in at least another round. We were having fun" he said, pulling back the blanket to reveal his naked form, and thrusting his hips in a way that made Brittany cringe so hard she thought she may throw up again.
"No, you really need to go" Brittany warned firmly, throwing his discarded clothes over to him "now please".
The boy tutted and got dressed, clearly agitated.
"Your loss sweetheart!" he snarked, as he walked out the door. As soon as it slammed Brittany started to cry. She felt like a mess.
This wasn't the first one-night stand she'd had in New York to mask the huge feeling of loneliness she had hanging over her, and despite always thinking it was a good idea at the time, she never felt great afterwards.
New York life wasn't all it had cracked up to be, and she put that down to Santana not being there with her. This wasn't the life they had carved out. She found it difficult to fit in and had so far struggled to make friends and adapt to the fast-paced city life. She had always lived life somewhat in Santana's shadow. Santana was extrovert and confident (on the outside anyway, only Brittany got to see her vulnerable side), and she always led the way. Brittany, just fell into place, and it worked. Now she was having to take the lead for once, and she was struggling. There had been a few times she had come close to calling it quits and going home, but knowing Santana would be there soon, she had powered through.
The last 6 weeks had become somewhat easier, as Santana's moving date edged closer. Things were booked and plans were put into place, and their new life was finally on the horizon. The one-night stands had stopped, and Brittany was finally starting to feel happier, as she counted down the days.
But in the past week or so, things had changed.
The day after Santana's bad period pain, Brittany hadn't heard from her.
To: Santana
How you feeling today? You still down to Skype later? Xx
She had text her. It was a couple of hours later when she got a reply.
To: Brittany
Sorry Brit, still feel mega bad! Going to have to cancel on Skype tonight
Brittany was disappointed but understood, of course. The next day Santana was barely replying to Brittany's texts again, and Brittany was starting to worry. She called her a couple of times but no answer. This wasn't like Santana, they usually messaged non-stop.
That night, Santana had eased her worries with a text.
To: Brittany
Hey you! I'm so sorry I haven't been texting back much. I don't know what's wrong with me, but i've just been so sick. I don't think it's bad period pain anymore. I just need to rest and sleep loads. Must be some sort of bad virus but I'm wiped out! Good job my dad is a doctor! Xxx
That made sense to Brittany. If Santana was sick, of course she wouldn't be texting loads or able to Skype. She missed her and their nightly Skype sessions, but at least soon she'd be here physically.
Over the course of the next three days Brittany didn't hear much from Santana. Brittany would send her nice texts to try make her feel better, and would sometimes get the odd emoji in reply, but nothing substantial. They'd never gone this long without properly speaking before and it felt weird.
"Santana must be really sick" Brittany thought.
She was concerned about her best friend, but she also knew that having a doctor as a dad meant she was in the safest hands. She was close to the Lopez family, and she knew they'd let her know if it was anything too serious.
On the fifth day, Brittany looked at her calendar and realised it was a week until Santana's flight. She had butterflies just thinking about it. She got her phone out to text her.
To: Santana
Morning gorgeous bestie, how are you feeling today? On the road to recovery yet? You better recover fast because guess what? A WEEK TODAY UNTIL YOU COME HERE! WOOHOOOO! xxxx
That evening, Brittany was disappointed to see she hadn't received a text back. It sucked not having anyone to share the excitement with. They should be on Skype right now planning everything. What was wrong with Santana that meant she couldn't even send a text back. It felt like she had been sick for days now. What if it was something really serious? What if George just didn't realise how sick she was, because he was busy with work.
She pulled out her phone to call Santana. She expected it to ring out, the poor sick baby was probably sleeping, but she was shocked to see it rang twice before being cut off.
She tried again, but the same thing happened.
If Santana could reject her phone calls, surely she could at least send a short text to let her know she was okay.
To: Santana
Are you blowing me off missy ;)
This time, Santana's reply was almost instantaneous
To: Brittany
Sorry, kinda caught up and can't talk right now x
Now Brittany was really confused. Caught up with what? She said she was sick?
To: Santana
Oh okay! But are you feeling better? Starting to really worry about you now, you seem to have been feeling sick for ages xx
Another instant reply
To: Brittany
Yeah, feeling better. Don't worry! x
Brittany's head was spinning. Santana was feeling better, so why couldn't she talk? Why hadn't she called her or text her or replied to her message earlier. Something was off.
To: Santana
I'm so glad! You did have me worried there. Can we Skype tomorrow? I've missed you!xxx
…no response
Which brings us back to present day. Over the past three days, Brittany had heard nothing at all from Santana. She had text her and called her several times, but nothing. She knew she wasn't sick anymore, so what the hell was going on? Santana was due to be here in four days and Brittany was so in the dark about it all. Would she even show up?
At first she had thought maybe Santana was planning a big surprise. Maybe she was going to arrive early or something like that, and that's why she'd been acting suspicious. But after the first day of radio silence, Brittany knew it was more than that. Santana could never go this long without speaking to her best friend, especially not over some surprise.
She was so lonely, and so upset. She had no idea why her best friend almost 14 years was suddenly ignoring her. She'd racked her brains but couldn't find any solution. Tonight, it had all got too much for her, and she'd gone out and got stupidly drunk, bringing home the first guy that paid attention to her.
As she sat on her bed, 3:30AM, she felt lonelier than ever. She needed a familiar voice; someone she could trust. She found herself calling someone she knew would answer at this time, someone she never thought she'd call for comfort but here she was. It's crazy how when you're at your loneliest, you find comfort in the strangest places. Plus, he was the only person in her circle still in Lima, maybe he'd know something.
The phone rang three times before the familiar southern drawl sounded.
"Brittany?"
He was right to sound confused; it was 3:30AM and they hadn't really spoken much since Brittany had left for New York.
"Hi Sam" she said simply
"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" he asked, sitting up in concern.
"Not really no…" she began, before telling Sam the whole story of everything.
"So you haven't seen her around? You don't know anything?" she clarified, after recounting the whole story of the past confusing few days.
"No sorry, I haven't seen her at all since last Summer. But if I do find out anything, I'll let you know. You're right it is really strange behaviour, especially for you two I mean…you were always so…close." He mused
Brittany sighed.
"I know that's why I don't get this. We've never ever fallen out or stopped speaking before apart from the one time I kept a secret from her" she began, deciding not to go into detail being that the secret was the time Brittany had lost her virginity to him "There's nothing I even could have done recently to upset her I just don't…I don't get it. We were so excited for New York, and now I don't even know if she's coming".
"Wait…maybe that's it!" Sam proposed
"What do you mean?"
"Well you said she completely ignored your New York text, and as the days have got closer to her coming over here, she's got more and more distant. Maybe she's getting cold feet. Maybe she doesn't want to move over there anymore, but she doesn't know how to say it, so she's avoiding you? I mean it makes sense"
Brittany thought about it. He was right it did make sense, but they'd planned this for years, surely Santana wouldn't just change her mind like this.
"I mean I guess but…why wouldn't she just tell me?"
"I don't know" Sam shrugged "Maybe she thinks the truth will hurt you. She loves you doesn't she so…she'd never want to hurt you. Look if I know anything about you two, it's that you're great friends, you'll sort this out. She might just be having momentary doubts, but then she'll realise she's being stupid, and she can't stay in Lima forever. This time next week you'll probably be laughing about this over an illegally bought cocktail. Guess the Fake ID is doing you wonders sensing by how drunk you sound tonight?" he laughed.
This caused Brittany to laugh too, maybe Sam was right.
"See, that's what I wanna hear! Happy Brittany. Listen, don't stress it okay? You'll be fine. And if I do see her or hear anything, I'll be sure to let you know. But for now, I really gotta go Brittany, it's been great catching up but I'm going to be so tired at work tomorrow".
For the first time in the past few days, Brittany let out a genuine smile.
"Thanks Sam"
He was a good boy, and she felt bad she'd thought nothing of breaking his heart to come here. She made a mental note to check in with him more often, just as a friend, before closing her eyes to let sleep wash over her.