Part 15

2 years and 2 months (2 WEEKS LATER)

…

"It's terrifying to open up to someone new. I want to, but it scares me a lot. You were the only person who knew all my secrets. You made it so easy for me to confide in you. Thank you, Mer." – 28. February 2023

…

I just finished my shift and was on my way home when I saw Emma sitting on one of the benches outside the hospital. I had thought a lot about Carina's words. And I had thought a lot about talking to Emma, but I couldn't bring up the courage inside me to start that conversation.

I hadn't seen her that often at the hospital. We had crossed each other's path a few times, but we didn't work together on any case.

But today, before I could change my mind again and turn around to go home, I decided to talk to her. I went over to her a bit hesitantly, sitting down next to her, not completely sure what to say or where to start. Because the truth was, I liked her, and that conversation mattered to me, and that's what terrified me.

"I would want to spend a day like Valentine's day with you." I finally said after Emma observed me for some time.

"I think this was never really about Valentine's day?" She questioned a bit reserved. I couldn't blame her. I was the one who broke up with her and avoided her for weeks.

"It wasn't, but it was." I started, looking into the dark in front of me. "I probably would have broken up with you sooner or later, because… I wasn't ready." It was harsh, but it was the truth. And I wanted to be honest with her "But saying it had nothing to do with Valentine's day would be a lie."

"Okay?" Out of the corner of my eye I noticed her turn her head towards me. I looked at her for a moment, before fixating my gaze at the dark in front of me again.

"I – Meredith and I started dating on Valentine's day. And – all that talking about Valentine's day… It brought back memories. And thinking about spending that day with someone else made me feel like I would just replace her." I turned towards her, before I continued "I don't want that. Not for her and not for you. She... She is too important to me to just replace her. But I was scared that this would happen when I let you get closer to me... And you also deserve to be treated as more than a replacement for Meredith. And I think you are more than that to me." I saw a small smile appear on her face, and I was pretty sure if I wasn't so nervous mine would match hers. "I don't want to just rewrite and replace that story. I want us to have our own story, and maybe our own special day."

"Okay."

"Okay?" I asked a bit disbelieving that she just accepted my apology without any questions or anything else.

"Yes." She gave me a small smile "I – I won't lie and tell you that it didn't hurt me when you pushed me away, but…" She paused for a moment "I have never felt like it was your intention to treat me like a replacement and I didn't feel like one. You showed me, in moments, that you were capable of love, you just weren't ready. You needed time. And I think it is okay. I just wished you had talked to me."

"You would want to try again?" I asked, not able to hide a small smile.

"Yes, I want to try." She assured me.

I kept smiling at her for a moment, before I turned a bit more serious again, looking away. If I really want to try this again, she needed to know all the facts. I didn't want to hide in front of her anymore.

"There is more you should know before…" I started hesitantly, trying to bring up the courage to tell her more about me. "You might have heard the rumors already… I do have bipolar disorder. And – I have been in a pretty bad state a few years ago. I have been doing better since then, but it can – I could have another crisis." I couldn't look at her while telling her this, scared to see her reaction.

"Andrew, I like you for the person you are, having an illness changes nothing of the way I see you." I heard Emma softly.

"I – Okay." I wasn't sure what to answer, relieved by her answer and at the same time trying to get my nerves together to tell her the other thing she needed to know. I felt Emma laying her hand on my leg to tell me that I didn't need to be nervous.

"I also – Meredith had three kids…" I decided to just spit it out. Because I wouldn't let anything change the relationship I had developed with these kids.

"Yours?"

"No. But- I visit them regularly and I – I love them a lot."

I was confused when I only saw a big smile on her face.

"What?" I asked her when she didn't say anything.

"Andrew the thought of you with kids only makes it even better." She laughed a little while looking at me, her lips turning into a huge smile.

"You are…" I felt so relieved in that moment, like I hadn't felt in a long time.

"What?" It was her time now to ask what was going through my mind.

"I think I love you." I searched for her eyes, looking directly at her, soon overwhelmed by the way she made me feel.

"I love you too." She answered, leaning in a little closer to give me a short kiss on my cheek.

"I think I'm not ready yet." I answered, part of me wanting to kiss her, and a part of me relieved that she seemed to have noticed that I wasn't completely ready just yet.

"I know. You figure out your thoughts. And when you have… That day will be our special day. I will wait for you."

I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have found Emma. She was… different than Meredith. Not better or worse… just different – even though she had some similar personal traits – But you couldn't compare them. And I didn't need to, because they were both amazing in their own way.

We kept sitting on the bench for a few more minutes, until Emma started again.

"Can I ask you something about Meredith?"

"Yes."

"You mentioned you were only together for a little more than a year. I don't want to diminish anything… I just want to understand better; I think. Why did she mean so much to you?"

"She was… She was there for me whenever I needed her. Even when I pushed her away. She showed me what real love felt like. She made me a better person."

I could see that she wanted to ask more but decided not to do it. But I wanted her to know that she could ask me. Yes, it was hard for me to talk about everything and maybe I wouldn't be able to answer all her questions, but I wanted to open up to her. And Meredith had been a big part of my life and always will be. And if I wanted Emma to get to know me better than I needed to open up about this part of my life too. At least a little bit.

"You can ask more if you want to."

She looked at me for a moment, before she started again "You said she was your ex-girlfriend…"

"We never had the chance to figure things out… I – I broke up with her when I had a manic episode… She just wanted to help me, but… I didn't want to see it at that time… Once I got diagnosed and treated, the pandemic started, and we never got the chance to talk about us… but she was there for me the whole time before she died."

…

"I probably said it before, but… I really want to thank you for staying by my side and helping me, when I couldn't see what was happening. Thank you for being there for me, Mer. Thank you for never giving up on me." – 28. February 2023

[That's what partners do. Thank you for always being there for me.]

End of chapter 15

Writing Emma chapters is kinda difficult... But, I definitely would want him to get happy again! Just like Meredith got happy with him after Derek! And if Andrew finds love again, then I would be happy for him. Because he deserves to be loved, too!