Extra chapter! As if this isn't long enough already lmao

Intermission: The Hierophant's Redemption

The first time he heard about the boy, he could already emphasize.

Shinjirou doesn't usually get involve with the SEES business much. He doesn't want to be reminded of what he fucked up in life. He doesn't want to be reminded of his own weakness. But when Mitsuru called and asked if he could tell her anything that would help someone with PTSD, he just had to know.

Yuuki Makoto's life is fucked up beyond all recognition, if he's to be honest. Lost parents, getting booted from one place to the next, then next, then next. No friends. Relatives wanted him gone, too. He's worse than Shinjirou. At least he's got Aki and Mitsuru, as annoying as they may be. But the kid's got absolutely no one, and he's surprised the boy is as sane as he is.

The first time he sees him, he looks so fragile.

Something happened, that's for sure. Takeba sits him down on the couch, and he looks so lost when she tries to pull away. She says something, and he calms down enough to let her go, curling into himself and closing his eyes, as if to shut the world away. The girl stomps her way to the kitchen with fury, and his eyes follow her as she opens the cupboard.

"Takeba, what happened?" Mitsuru asks. He just keeps a close eye on Yuuki as the boy shivers and whimpers just minutely. Is he really the SEES' field leader? Sure doesn't look it.

Takeba slams the cupboard close, inhaling sharply, a scowl on her face. "The psychiatrist is a jerk, is what. He had a panic attack there after fifteen minutes of his session."

A fucking psychiatrist… caused this? This kind of breakdown? "What."

"He's still dissociating," Takeba says as she tries to change the cup to something a bit larger, and it falls right into the sink. She growls. "Damn it."

"I'll look for a better psychiatrist right away," Mitsuru murmurs, guilt depicting clear in her eyes as she taps away at her phone. It's not like they can know every shrink just from a glance. Hell, it took him months to find the right guy.

"I know a few," He offers. "They are some of the best 'round here. Used to help me before."

"Thank you, Shinjirou."

"Don't mention it," He says, before calling. "Oi, Takeba, you two have dinner yet?"

"No, and he said he's not hungry."

"I ain't listenin'," Shijirou mutters, grabbing the apron and making his way towards the stove and turning it on. "I'm making you two dipshits dinner, end of story."

"Shinjirou—"

"A good, warm meal will help," He says. His case might not've been this bad, but he still knows what he had to do to calm a person down. "Trust me on this. Been there, done that."

"…If you say so."

"You two should go back to your rooms," He nods at Mitsuru and Yamagishi. It looks to him like Takeba is the only one who's keeping the boy calm, so she'll need to stay. "Too many people now is a bad idea."

After they're gone, he sets about preparing a warm meal for them both. Nothing too heavy, he doesn't think Yuuki would have the heart to eat it, but not too light, or he'll pass out from exhaustion alone. He understands what it's like, to have a mental breakdown. His case is not as bad, but from Yuuki's files alone, he could see just how shitty it is for the boy.

In the end, he makes some porridges, a few onigiri, and more cups of hot chocolate. He sets them down before the two (after he takes off the damn apron, of fucking course) and orders her with his eyes that she has to eat, and she has to at least force him to.

He lets them do their things, only watching from the side as Takeba keeps one of his hand in hers at all time. It's a bit difficult, but she manages, and he has to applaud her for that.

After a while, the boy finally falls asleep against her shoulder, his breathing so soft and calm, as if none of the breakdowns happened before. Once he's sure the boy won't overhear him, he says. "I gotta ask this to have an idea of what to do next. What happened exactly?"

Takeba frowns, her hand in his hair stops for a moment. She forces it to resume. "…The psychiatrist thought he should just order him around however and whatever. I think he reminded Yuuki-kun too much of the past and he just… went into a panic attack right then and there."

"At least he listened to you," Shijirou sighs. "Well, that's good, at least."

He gets up and puts his coat back on. He's starting to feel a little chilly. Ugh.

He glances at them one last time before he leaves, and once he's out of the door, he texts Mitsuru.

When you got him an appointment, let me know.

She doesn't question it.

Yuuki's deduction skill is fucking terrifying.

But he guesses this much should be a given. Living in the streets allows you to pick up lots of useful shits. And living in the streets and alternating that with surviving through abusive households are just… well, some skills just develop better in hostile environments than others.

But what surprises Shinjirou more is that, even though they barely know each other, this boy is willing to bare his wounds and his sins and his fear for all the world to see, just for a chance to save him. He might be crass, but he's not heartless. When Yuuki asks him to live, he just couldn't decline.

How someone so broken and wronged by the whole damn world could be so kind, Shinjirou would never understand. What he does understand, however, is that he has to protect this boy as much as he could.

He deserves a better fate that what he's had. And all Shinjirou could do is making sure that the path forward looks at least a bit brighter and kinder to him.

And as soon as he tells Yuuki of his own mistakes, of killing Amada's mother because he lost control, all Yuuki says in responds is that it's not his fault, and that he should forgive himself. He couldn't quite understand why, and he's about to argue, but that damn broken smile stops him from shouting.

"How is it not my fault? And why should I forgive myself for that shit?"

"Castor is a part of you, but it's not you." He says slowly as he looks up at the moon. "…Castor is a manifestation of your psyche, both the chivalrous and the dark parts, but it isn't you. You tried your best to control it, but you can't. And you're atoning for your sins even though it isn't all your fault, so you're redeemable. You should forgive yourself for the things that are out of your control."

He sighs. "And so should you, Yuuki."

All the boy says is, "I wonder."

After that, Yuuki proposes that he should seek aid from the Kirijou Group. Because of Strega's drugs, his body is a bit messed up. He considers it—taking the drugs to the Group would mean that they'll be able to manufacture it, or better, make change to it, so that the side effect would be minimal.

In the end, he decides to bite the bullet and sends an SMS to Mitsuru right away. Her reply is almost immediate, and he feels like he's going to have to answer a lot of questions.

Welp.

They stay there in silence for a while before he decides that they both need a good warm meal. The boy's given him something to think, and… maybe, just maybe, there might be redemption for him yet.

As soon as he pulls Yuuki up, however, the car right beside them starts slamming on the horn like there is no tomorrow. One glance and he could tell what is about to happen.

"Yuuki—"

The boy's already running before he could utter another word.

He runs after the boy (why is he so damn fast!?) and follows him all the way from the bridge and to the dorm, where he unceremoniously scrambles his way up the steps in a hurry. Shinjirou thinks he's trying to go for Xanax — he's been there, and he's done that before, so he would know.

The members of SEES look after Yuuki and try to follow him, but Shinjirou is there in time to block their ways up the stairs.

"I'm serious, the more people there is, the more panicked he'll get. I would know."

But then he looks at Takeba, and remembers that, for some reason, Yuuki trusts her. So he grabs the Kouhai and pushes her up.

"Except you. You could calm him down. Go."

And that's the moment that he makes a vow.

That he'll live. And he'll help Yuuki with everything he's got.

Aside from being kind as all hell, Yuuki also has this tendency to tease the fuck right out of him, should the opportunity arises.

It annoys and surprises him in equal measures.

He's also a bit sarcastic. He says only what he needs to, and he's so goddamn perceptive Shinjirou just decides that yes, spilling every last beans he has to the boy is the way to go. No way in hell he could ever hope to hide a damn thing from him, and after all of the times he confided in Shinjirou, he thinks that it's only fair he does the same.

The boy keeps saying that every deaths is his fault. He thinks otherwise. Desperately choking another kid to death sucks, yeah, but he was being drowned, dammit. Trying to survive shouldn't be used against him like that. And then seeing a foster mom that reminds him of his own deceased mother went up in flame and burnt alive? How the hell could that have been his fault?

Shijirou tries, many times, to reassure the boy that it ain't his fault. But he never listens. That's when he realizes that this is the Survivor's Guilt, in fucking combination with PTSD. He blames it all on himself because he survives. That's it. That's the fucking problem. He thinks that if he had died, then maybe, just maybe, none of it would've come to pass.

What the fucking hell.

And it all becomes much clearer just how far this baseless guilt, created from those damn people feeding him lies for a decade, goes, when he catches him looking at Takeba. With affection, with sorrow, that makes even someone like Shinjirou flinches and stops breathing for nearly a minute.

This boy is willing to go as far as killing himself, both physically and mentally, just to keep the people he loves from even receiving a scratch.

Because he's never viewed his life as having worth (people, he's just a kid. Why were you doing this to someone like him?), he's putting everyone else before himself. Shijirou thinks he'd go as far as to tank an explosion for someone without a second thought just to not feel like some wet trash at the sidewalk.

God, it hurts to know that a kid this kind is so broken.

And he's proven right when Castor goes batshit right after they defeated the Hermit Shadow (no thanks to switching from Strega's suppressant to Kirijou's newer drugs).

Fucking thing tears its way, ripping and slamming its hoof through his soul and manifesting against his will, and in its rampage, he thinks it almost flattens someone. But then a giant comes from Yuuki's call, and stops it. He tries to say that he can't control it, but the absolute trust Yuuki puts into him, that he can and will control it in the future, that he'll be there to help, that he trusts him to fight, is some of the most confusing, baseless confidence he's ever seen.

And the trust; merciless and uncompromising. It's way too convincing.

He has no choice but to fight.

But Castor is fast, and strong. He thinks Yuuki makes an off-handed comment that it's just like Shinjirou, but he couldn't really focus on it as he tries to will himself to move and keep that thing under control. Aki helps, and he's grateful.

It all goes to shit when Mitsuru freezes the air around it as it stampedes the ground so hard debris are flying everywhere. If they don't take it out soon, they're going to die, and he knows this better than anyone. Castor's been with him from the beginning, with its wild, berserk nature. It will not stop until someone is dead, or it is defeated.

And then Yuuki shouts, "Get down, open your mouth, and cover your ears!"

It takes him a second too late to realize what he's planning to do—

He couldn't stop the boy in time as he sets off one hell of a thermal explosion, blasting Castor back into his chest and sending himself flying into the wall, cracking it, before falling down, caked in dusts and smokes and a bit of blood.

"What the fuck, Yuuki!?" He hisses, trying to stand straight, shaking his head to get rid of the ringing in his ears. Aki grabs his arm and keeps him up.

He thanks the man as he goes over to check the boy, so battered but so alive.

Seriously, this boy's got some issues.

Risking his live and putting an unconditional trust to someone he barely knows, someone that's not kind nor understanding like Shinjirou, is just crazy.

And if Shinjirou's to be honest… this is the first time since he's killed Amada's mother that his resolve to live returns in full. He strengthens his vow further.

I'll live to help this kid, no matter what.

The kid looks terrible.

And Shinjirou has absolutely no fucking clue why. Not until he sees the red slap mark on his cheek, and the way the kid looks at Takeba, and the way Takeba looks, angry and face stained with tears. They haven't had just a fight. It's far beyond that.

Yuuki must've tried to keep her away from him, and the guilt of making her cry and whatever else is eating him away.

"Yuuki, the fuck did you do?"

The kid doesn't say it outright. He just explains in a cryptic manner. But by now, Shinjirou knows him enough to be able to see the larger picture.

The kid must've forcefully pushed Takeba away, to protect her — from himself.

This is just messed up.

While he understands the kid's decision, he opposes it. Those deaths weren't his fault. And he, like him and everyone else, deserves to be loved. But all of that is falling on deaf ears, so all he could provide now is a shoulder for him to lean on. At least, that's something he readily accepts.

It doesn't help as this pains the boy so much that he's starting to cut himself up just to keep his head straight.

And when he thinks it couldn't get worse, it does.

He's noticed that, for the past week, he looks like he's just been reliving all his nightmares all over again right after he came back from therapy. While he's able to take care of the physical wounds, the mental one is beyond him. It doesn't appear to him that something's going wrong with the sessions themselves.

Until there is.

He just tags along during one of the sessions. While out grabbing coffee, he overhears them nurses chatting and calling this absolute baby a fucking monster. Upon listening further, it seems like Tendou — his old shrink, who's helped him more times than he can count — knows Yuuki from before, when he was bounced around from place to place.

And that the guy thinks Yuuki killed all those people.

All he could see is red.

He slams the fucking door to the therapy room open, and sees Tendou there, looking happy, while Yuuki just curls up and is crying in the fucking corner like a baby bird lost in the rain. He absolutely loses his shit right there, and curses up a storm while calling Mitsuru. The guy defends, saying that he's doing his victims justice.

The only thing stopping him from killing this excuse of a human being on the spot is Yuuki clinging to him like a lifeline.

He looks down, to see Yuuki clinging to his arm, nails digging into his skin through the fabric. His breathing is a bit frantic, and he's looking down, his shoulders shaking. The anger is all but forgotten, and in a familiar manner, he draws the boy close to him with an arm around his shoulders. He then points at Tendou, who's now right at the fucking top of his shitlist, and snarls.

"I'm going to kill your career good, mark my words."

At least he calms down quickly during their trek back to the dorm. Yuuki still ignores and avoids Takeba like the fucking plague, but he's not going to make a comment. The boy needs some warm meal (he's going to feed him up until he's fucking fat and he doesn't give a squat about what anyone says) and a good night's sleep. He could only sigh.

The boy's got the shittiest luck he's seen so far, seriously.

And to make matters worse, the damn shrink decides to relay all of the rumors to his son, effectively turning the entire fucking school against Yuuki.

Him crying like a caged animal is something Shinjirou never wanted to witness.

If Aki wasn't there, he thinks he might've landed himself in jail planting the damn brat's head into the fucking concrete and stomping the life outta him. Channeling Castor then didn't seem to be such a terrible idea. At least Mitsuru'll be taking care of the guy. Her execution's… not gonna be nice, to put it kindly.

After that, Yuuki sleeps like a baby (seriously, what the fuck, people? He's a baby! Look at how adora-fucking-ble this little shit is sleeping!) and only wakes up hours later. Shinjirou couldn't really feel his shoulder anymore, but he doesn't care. At least he's got Koromaru to keep him company.

When the boy's up, he's still trying to drown them fuckers out. He doesn't blame him, really, seeing just how much it hurts him to hear the words being spoken to him for the past decade being reiterate right into his fucking brain over and over like a broken record. At least Shinjirou succeeds in stopping the boy from pressing his ears too hard.

He's not surprised to see Takeba taking the initiative and, this time, refusing Yuuki's attempts to push her help away. The boy deserves love. Needs it, and he really can't think of anyone better. So when he's sure no one's looking, he just shoos them up to Yuuki's room, faintly aware that yes, Takeba's little shows of affection are turning him red.

Well, at least he now has someone. But he's already made his promise to live for the boy's sake, so this changes nothing, really.

Besides, living with this bundle of fucking depression and sarcasm and kindness doesn't seem like such a bad thing.

He wants to live. For the boy's sake, and maybe… for his own, too.

As expected, Amada calls him to the back alley of Port Island station on October 4th.

But since he decides to live, he doesn't think telling Yuuki would be the right thing. At least, not until he could resolve the tension between him and this kid.

He just listens as Amada tells him his own side, how he had to witness his mother's death by the hoof of Castor, and by his own weakness. He does remember all of it, of course, but he doesn't think saying it out loud will do him any good. Instead, he listens, and listens… until the tip of the spear is pressed against his chest, right above his beating heart.

His hands are shaking still, his weakness and his fear leaking out and covering his soul, clinging to it like black tar that refuses to be washed away.

He wanted to forget it, everything that he did that day, the voice of the kid's mother being squashed to death by his own other self. He tried, with drugs, with outcasting himself from society altogether. But what good did that do? In the end, all he could do is live with his own failures and mistakes.

However…

"Before, I would've been fine with you killing me," He says quietly, gripping the tip of the spear and pushing it away. Amada doesn't fight it, and lets the blade glides to the side. Shinjirou gives him a tired smile and looks up at the full moon. "But there's another broken soul I gotta save, and the only way to do that is for me to live and atone for what I've done."

"Atone?" Amada spits, as if the word is foul to his tongue. "You've had years to atone for it! Why now?"

"Because, for the first time in forever, Yuuki forced me to face myself and my own mistakes and to live to correct it. All I've ever done was running away. No more."

He looks down at the concrete beneath his feet. Amada's right. He's got two or three years, at least, to actually make things right. But instead of facing it like a man, he decides to run away, he decides to force himself to forget. And in the end, he also forgot that this boy – this boy whose mother he's killed – also needs saving.

He ain't gonna run away anymore, no matter what. "I'm going to save you too… whether you want me to or not."

Amada seems to falter a little. "Save me? What are you—"

But before any of them could say anything, there's an applaud coming from the side. He quickly (against the boy's wish, he thinks) pulls Amada behind him, only to see fucking Takaya walking out from the shadow casted by the moon, a revolver in hand.

"I never thought someone like you would actually have the will to live, Aragaki-san. How utterly pointless and detestable."

"It ain't your concern," He growls, his Evoker way too deep in his coat to be pulled out quickly enough. Against a real-ass gun, he either needs to be faster, or he's toasted. He feels Amada shifts behind him, and he just takes a step back to make sure that if the shot's ever fired, it won't hit the kid.

"Oh, but it is," He hums, pointing the gun at them. "There's an information that one of you is, say, a navigator, correct? I wonder who could it have been? Is it that kid behind you?"

"Tch!" He clicks his tongue and reaches for his Evoker—

There's a loud noise of the gunpowder kicking the bullet out of the barrel, and he instinctively kneels down and holds Amada in his arms, shielding him. And he hears a voice, at the same time.

"Arahabaki!"

An Evoker that's not his own is fired, and he looks up to see Yuuki running down the alleyway from the opposite site, a sword in his left hand. He glances at them, relief flooding his slightly dirtied and tired face. Shijirou then turns to see the claydoll-like Persona standing between them and Takaya, a barrier of light enveloping both him and Amada inside.

"Yuuki—"

Bang.

Another shot's fired, and he could see Yuuki flinches as the Evoker flies out of his hand and skids across the barren concrete. Blood drips from his fingers, a sizable hole in his palm. The boy's mind seems to work quickly, and before Shinjirou could process all of it, he's already charging at Takaya.

"Kid, wait!" He calls, pulling out his Evoker and fires it. He needs to stop Takaya, because the distance between the two of them is too big, and Yuuki won't reach him in time. "Castor!"

He brings the thunderous hoof down, only for it to be blocked by Moros. He whips around to see Jin standing right in the shadow beside Takaya.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Get outta my way!"

Bang. Bang.

Two more shots. His heart sinks as he tries and tries and tries again, and each time Castor is repelled, his fear rises. He watches, in horror, as Yuuki sinks to his knees—

The pristine white shirt is dyed red by his own blood.

The boy gasps, trail of crimson dripping down from his mouth, the bullets having already ripped their ways through his abdomen and out the back. Shinjirou could see the red liquid (there's too much) pooling underneath his knees, and he could hear Amada gasping behind him.

Yuuki then tries to stand up, using his sword as support.

Please stop, don't do this, don't kill yourself for someone like me, kid.

His pleas fall on deaf ears yet again when the boy rises. Takaya smirks and points the gun at Yuuki's knee before pulling the damn trigger (Please, stop already. Take me instead), and with a bang, kneecapping Yuuki and forcing him back down.

"How tenacious of you. Well, Death cares little for it. It's time to meet your maker."

He isn't sure if he should be proud, or horrified, or something by what the boy does next.

Instead of letting Takaya shoot him freely, he bolts forward, the way blood is spat out of his wounds makes Shinjirou wishes it would be him instead and not this gentle soul. The Strega leader, in his surprise, fires the last round of his revolver. He couldn't see where that hit, but it definitely does, seeing that the boy jerks back slightly.

But with one resolute, well thought-out movement, he cuts Takaya's arm clean off.

Moros pushes his Castor back, and they both return to their wielders. He sees Jin rushing to Takaya and putting a piece of cloth on the stump of his arm before the two of them disappear into the shadow, like cockroaches that they are.

Arahabaki and its barrier then dissipate into nothing, and Shinjirou finds himself rooted to the spot as Yuuki stands up shakily, a new bloody spot on his chest.

His chest—

He looks at Shinjirou briefly with a soft smile, so warm, so gentle.

Before he collapses to the ground.

"Yuuki!" He cries out and rushes over, ignoring everything else.

He rolls the boy onto his back, and feels the ice-cold grip of despair at his heart again. The wounds on his stomach is already bad enough, but the one on his chest is a different fucking story. He hears Aki calls and runs over to him, his face turns from confusion to fear, mimicking what he's feeling.

He then presses his hands on the boy's chest and orders Aki, frantic. "Stop his bleeding! Stop it somehow! You take care of the abdomen; I'll make sure this one doesn't bleed out more!"

He doesn't know what else he could do. But he has to do something.

He can't allow this boy to die.

Especially not by protecting a worthless piece of shit like him.

"Please, Yuuki… don't fucking do this to me, I beg you."

This boy showed him the way to his redemption.

He can't let him die, no matter what.

I've got maybe a few pages left to finish off this story, so yeah, frequent update because I can? I guess? :D See you later!