It wound up being an extremely long night. Fenrir insisted that he take her back to the Moon's house right then and there, but Emma said she needed to tell someone that she was leaving. Fenrir relented with an angry growl and gestured for one of the other Alphas to take her along. Unlike Fenrir, they weren't as well known, and there would be less of an issue. It explained why Eirwyn and Raoul slipped into the Ministry box without any scrutinization.
Raoul was the one who ultimately went with her in search of the Weasleys. The rest of the Alphas returned to the campsite – they would be leaving that night. It was too dangerous for them to be there with the extra Ministry workers arriving.
Having Raoul with her made the process of finding Fred, George, and Ginny a lot easier. The others still hadn't arrived, but it didn't matter. Emma explained that she was leaving 'with a friend' and to thank their father for her. She was genuinely appreciative that he took her in, even for a few hours, and felt terrible not being able to tell him herself. Emma decided she would try to find some fun Muggle object that Arthur might like and send it to him in thanks. It was the least she could do.
With that obligation out of the way, Raoul brought Emma back to Fenrir, who was pacing grumpily. Fenrir grabbed tight to Emma's arm, Raoul and Fenrir gave each other curt nods, and with a twist, they were gone.
Emma had no idea that Apparating with someone different would even feel different. She also didn't expect the wave of nausea that nearly made her sick when they landed back in her room at the Moon's.
She had to sit down on the edge of her mattress for a moment to try and calm her churning stomach, and then she shot Fenrir a dirty look. She threw her bag on the floor, ripped Fenrir's coat off of her shoulders, and angrily pulled off the clothes she threw on over her pajamas. With one more dirty look, Emma angrily got into her bed. Emma was glad that Figaro was with Sage on the other side of the house because Emma was angry at Fenrir.
Fenrir watched her from his sofa where he was lounging, cigarette hanging from his lips, his eyes narrowing. "What is your problem?" he snapped at her when Emma let out an aggravated huff and flipped onto her side so she wasn't facing him.
"I'm angry with you!" Emma said, growling slightly at the deep breath he took to try and tamp down his aggravation.
"You're angry with me?" he snarled out. "I was busy and in the middle of doing something, and I came out to find you."
"You didn't have to!" Emma said, sitting up and glaring at Fenrir. "You could have kept doing whatever you were doing! Especially after playing an awful trick on me."
"I had to come to find you because you were stupid," Fenrir growled. "Even your father knows that you never go anywhere without a partner. And a trick? What bloody trick did I play on you?"
"You told me that I was going to see one other Alpha!" Emma practically screeched. "I didn't know you were literally throwing me into werewolf territory! Multiple Alphas, Fenrir? Really? I wasn't aware that I would be meeting every single bloody werewolf pack leader in the country. That was unfair and incredibly cruel, and you know it."
"Cruel? And how was that cruel?"
"Because you know what it would do to me!"
The cigarette in Fenrir's mouth disappeared so quickly Emma had no idea what he did with it. In even less time, he was over the top of her in her bed, nose nearly touching hers.
"And what exactly did it do to you? What could I have done so wrong?"
"You took away my choice, Fenrir," Emma growled out. "You know that by making me go, that I wasn't going to have any other decision."
"You're angry with me because I introduced you to your peers? For just confirming the decision that I know you already made?"
"They're not my peers!" Emma bit out. "I'm not like you!"
It was the wrong thing to say, and Fenrir had no issue in showing his displeasure. His hand was wrapping around the front of her neck, and she was unceremoniously thrown back into the mattress. Just like in the woods, his hand was held on her neck, mostly in warning, but the raw tang of fear invaded her senses. She wrapped her hands around Fenrir's wrist in a silent pleading gesture to not squeeze any harder than he was. At least in the woods, there had been a slight distance between them. Here, where no one else could see them, the full weight of Fenrir's body pressed against hers holding her where she was. She saw the way Fenrir's eyes followed her tongue as it darted out to lick her lips.
"You're not like me?" Fenrir growled out. "Don't you dare start acting like your father – not now."
Emma immediately cowed, deflating considerably underneath Fenrir. "That's not what I mean," she said quietly. She swallowed hard and huffed out a soft breath. "I can't be what you want, even if…There's too much pressure for me to be what you told all of them. I'm nothing like what they think I am." Emma turned her head in a very rare show of baring her neck to Fenrir and hated the action. She was too tired to argue with Fenrir over it. "I'm sorry."
Fenrir's fingers slowly unfurled from Emma's neck. He brushed away the tears that had fallen with his thumb and dropped a kiss to her cheek before rolling off of her. He moved to the edge of her mattress, settling his elbows on his knees as he stared out the window. Emma didn't move from where she was.
"You're wrong," Fenrir said slowly. "You're already exactly what I want. I'm getting tired of you pretending that you're not good enough. You blatantly ignore the power that you have, and I don't understand why."
"Because I'm not…" Emma said quietly. She sat up slowly with a sniffle. "I'm just this weird fucked up little half-werewolf girl. I saw those other girls today – the ones that want to be your mate. I'm not like them."
"No, you're not," Fenrir said, looking over his shoulder at Emma. "You're better."
Emma shook her head and pulled her knees up to her chest, rubbing her wet face with her shirt. Some fights weren't worth having, especially in the middle of the night. She would talk to Fenrir about it when he wasn't in his mood.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" Fenrir asked, rising to cross back over to the sofa.
"Yes," Emma said, huffing out a laugh. "I haven't had fun like that in such a long time. Thank you."
Fenrir grunted his response, pulling another cigarette out, presumably this time to actually smoke it. He didn't get far with the first one.
"And what of the other wolves? What did you think of them?"
"Far more welcoming than I thought they would be of me," Emma replied honestly. "I liked them. Especially the children."
"The pups are fun," Fenrir agreed. "I thought you would love them."
"Why didn't you tell me where I was actually going? And who was the Alpha I was meant to be dealing with? When you said Raoul, I thought he was going to be the Alpha."
"Technically, the Alpha was me. Raoul serves as my second and takes care of things in my absence, so therefore – another Alpha by association," Fenrir said with a slight smirk. He took a long drag from his cigarette. Emma had to bite back the desire to argue with Fenrir's logic, but he was in a mood. "But I did want you to meet Eirwyn, to show you that we have strong females in charge. She's been begging me to have another bitch in our ranks. I think she's sick of us."
"I liked her," Emma said quietly. "I liked all of them…"
"I knew you would."
The silence that settled was still tense but growing more comfortable. Emma slowly laid back down, turning on her side to stare out the window. She had far too much to think about and seemingly not enough time to do it. It scared her that seeing the other werewolves made things so much more real to her. They all had lives, had personalities, and had families. Emma was sure they were all on their best behavior with her around, but there was a sense of belonging. She could exist without worry – no one cared that she had scars on her face, half of them did. They all bore bite marks, even the smallest of children, which left an ache in Emma's chest. Even if they weren't equal in status, they were equal in what they were, even her.
Her curiosity and genuine questions had left them more welcoming of her. She wanted to understand, and though wary at first, they started to realize she didn't want to be ignorant of their lives. Emma wasn't just a witch off the street invading their territory; she was trying to learn what her future could be. At the end of the day, they were all just trying to get by as best as they could and survive. It was a feeling Emma understood well; it was what she had been trying to do all summer.
It had taken Emma some time to realize that Fenrir's intentions were two-fold by sending her into the werewolf camp. He wanted to dispel the rumors that she didn't actually exist, and he wanted her to learn what things could be like. It was a very filtered view, she knew that, but the concept was the same. The werewolves lived their lives in modified tents, gathering just as they had at the World Cup. It was no small wonder that the set up looked Muggle – it was meant to look Muggle on purpose. They thrived on blending in wherever possible, and the less magic was around, the better. Magic was mostly left to when the sky turned to dusk and the hours under the moon.
"Fenrir, I have two questions for you," Emma said, reaching over for Patches and Bee and pulling them close. She was glad that Fenrir never questioned her sleeping with stuffed animals. If he did, Emma thought she would probably die on the spot from embarrassment.
"What are your questions, Rabbit?"
At least Fenrir called her Rabbit. That was a decent enough sign for her to proceed with her questions.
"Is it all right if I call you Fen? I noticed that the other Alphas call you that…"
Fenrir snorted, and a small smile crossed his lips. "You're mine. I give you permission to call me whatever you'd like – even if it's a fucking bastard."
"Oh," Emma said in surprise. "Well, that's good to know because I've absolutely called you that several times."
"I'm sure," Fenrir chuckled. "And your other question?"
Emma hesitated for a moment and looked over at Fenrir. "What happened with your last mate?"
Fenrir froze, cigarette halfway back up to his lips. He turned his head to look at Emma, his free hand flexing in and out of a fist. "Why do you want to know?"
"Curiosity," Emma said quietly.
"That curiosity is going to wind up killing you one day."
"Not the first time I've heard that one," Emma replied. Remus had told her exactly that many times.
A sigh escaped Fenrir's lips, and he stood to cross over to the window seat. "She was killed in the early days of the war," Fenrir said, taking a long drag of the last of his cigarette and flicking the butt out the window. "Taken as a war prisoner, tortured, and killed. She was pregnant with my pups. Twins – they didn't survive."
Emma couldn't stop her surprised gasp and sat back up. She wished that she hadn't asked because she hadn't expected to hear that. No wonder Fenrir didn't take a mate again, and Emma suddenly had more questions. "I have another question," Emma said even more quietly, her voice just higher than a whisper.
"In a way, I loved her," Fenrir said, answering the question sitting on the tip of Emma's tongue. He looked over at her, and Emma was floored to see a hint of sadness in his face. "That's what you were going to ask me, wasn't it?" Emma gave a slight nod, and Fenrir hummed to himself. He looked back out the window, pulling a knee up to his chest.
"I don't love easily, if at all. I can't say that I've ever loved many. I'm not a good person; you already know that, and I'm not going to make you think otherwise. I don't want to be tied down and have that responsibility. I took her as my mate because she was a good fuck, and then she got pregnant. I think I loved her then. I certainly knew I loved the pups…"
"If you don't want to be tied down…then once again, I'm confused…"
"You're different," Fenrir said softly with a surprising amount of fondness. "I can say that I love you. Things are much different with you."
"One of these days you're going to have to explain what that means, Fen," Emma said quietly. "I don't understand."
"You will someday," Fenrir replied.
Emma nodded and slowly returned to the relative safety of her blankets. There wasn't anything else left to say, and Emma closed her eyes. If Fenrir came over to kiss the spot near her temple and whispered good night to her, Emma could pretend that it never happened. It was better that way.
The week went far quicker than Emma thought it would go. Sage had been speechless to find that Emma was back before the others and had paled considerably when Fenrir told her what happened. Her shock gave way to anger, and she had sent all of the house-elves away and started to clean the kitchen furiously. The World Cup incident was an even bigger deal than Emma thought and listened in absolute horror as Fenrir explained its purpose. Emma wished that he listened to Sage when she told him to stop, but Fenrir didn't listen. There were things Emma didn't need to know, and learning of Death Eater revels at seven in the morning was on that list.
Persephone, Caspian, and Elijah returned at around noon that day, but Ellis was nowhere in sight. Emma didn't entirely mind and hoped that meant Jude wouldn't be coming around either. Fenrir had received an owl from Raoul just before breakfast, and it seemed as though that would be the case, but he was staying just in case. Emma tried to get him to tell her exactly what Raoul had done, but Fenrir was tightlipped and dismissive. She eventually gave up and decided to just take the win.
Fenrir had surprised Emma by remembering she was meant to have a dance class that day. She was even more surprised when she admitted to wanting to go and his offer to take her as it meant going back to York. Emma insisted that she didn't need to go because it was supposed to be her last two classes, but he wasn't hearing it. After not joining her at any of her classes, it felt bizarre to have Fenrir stay, and she was in a near-perpetual fit of giggles. Her poor dance instructor was not expecting to see Fenrir after dealing with Remus. Though Fenrir passed decently as a Muggle, he was still terrifying.
Emma rejoined everyone for dinner and was silently pleased that both Jude and Ellis weren't there. Persephone was closed off, but Caspian and Elijah more than made up for it with their enthusiasm to have Emma there. It was a much quieter and a considerably calmer affair without both men there. The dinner conversation was finally polite without errant comments, and Emma found herself enjoying spending time with everyone.
The rest of the week went much the same, but Fenrir convinced Emma to explore the house. It seemed as though Jude and Ellis weren't going to make an appearance anytime soon, and Fenrir felt better about letting Emma out of his sight. She explored as much as she could, slipping in and out of rooms with curiosity. The library quickly became her favorite spot to be, and if Emma wasn't outside on her broom, that's where she could be found.
While outside on Thursday morning, Fenrir decided to try and teach her how to hone the magic she had from her wolfish side. She wanted to go out flying over the ocean, but learning a different type of magic seemed more fascinating.
It was meant to be a simple exercise, but Emma found it oddly complicated. How Fenrir expected her to turn a blade of grass into a flower without her wand, she had no idea. She would watch Fenrir try to walk her through the steps by showing her and then try, but nothing would happen.
"You're concentrating too hard," Fenrir said, crouching down next to her. "Here." He picked up a new blade of grass and replaced the one in her hands. He cupped his hands underneath hers, his fingers coming up around the tops of hers. Emma knew his hands were massive, but she had never realized just how large they were until then.
"Pull the magic up from the earth," he said, "pay attention to how my hands feel under yours. Try to match my magic."
Emma frowned slightly, trying to pay attention to what Fenrir was telling her. She had done this with Remus before when she struggled to make the blue flames wandlessly, but this was different. Or was it? She was sure that the flames were conjured from the air, but was it a different concept like she kept telling herself? It was magic that involved pulling from the elements, so she knew how to do this. Fenrir was right; she was concentrating too hard.
Curious, Emma tried to pay attention to how Fenrir's magic felt. It was sure and steady like he was, perhaps with a slight air of cockiness. Fenrir's magic was confident, but Emma's was considerably less so, but getting there. She started to think she couldn't pull the magic she needed, but then she felt the slight buzz of magic held in her hands. It seemed to flow up through the earth, up through her feet, along her spine, and all the way to her hands. She had never felt magic quite like this before.
"Good," Fenrir said softly. "Try now."
She looked at Fenrir skeptically but tried to pull forth a little more magic. When the blade of grass turned into a small yellow daisy, Emma couldn't stop her excited squeal.
"Try again," Fenrir said, pulling his hands away and replacing the daisy with another blade of grass.
To Emma's absolute joy, she was able to transfigure the blade of grass into another daisy. Not quite believing she did it, she plucked another blade of grass, then two, then three, then four. Fenrir barked out a laugh at Emma's excitement.
"You're going to cover this entire field in flowers at the rate you're going," he laughed.
"Yes, but it's worth it!" Emma chirped, pouting slightly when Fenrir grabbed her hands to stop her from grabbing another blade of grass.
"And you need to save your strength. You need to ease into it," Fenrir said with a proud smile. "You have much to learn and plenty of time to learn it."
When Friday arrived, Emma was considerably more excited than on Monday. She was so excited that time seemed to move slower and slower. No amount of waiting for five o'clock could make time move faster. She didn't even care that she was supposed to be sitting with Dr. Wheeler for an hour before she could go home; all that mattered to her was the end result.
"Staring at the clock will not make time move any faster," Fenrir pointed out during their time in the library. Often if Emma was there, Fenrir was as well. It was terribly domestic and strange to be reading so close to Fenrir, but he was quiet, and Emma learned a quiet Fenrir was a safe Fenrir. Even if he was scheming and making plans in his head, Emma wasn't subjected to his thoughts, making all the difference in the world.
She had huffed in response from where she was lying on the floor. Emma attempted to try and return to reading her book, but her eyes kept darting over to the clock over the fireplace mantel. Time was moving far too slow.
Emma was packing her things when she looked at the ring on her finger. She hadn't taken it off since her unintentional mishap in the bath but pulled it off when Fenrir stepped into the room.
"Here," Emma said, holding his ring out for him to take. "I suppose you should have this back now."
"It's yours," he said, closing her fingers around the ring. "You won't need it around your father, but it might help when you're at school."
Emma wanted to question Fenrir about it, but he took a quick look at what she was doing and stepped back out. He wouldn't interrupt her packing, but he would certainly check it before she left. She would have to ask Remus what the ring's purpose was, especially if Fenrir was having her keep it.
Finally, finally, finally it was time for her to leave. Emma hated the idea of leaving Figaro for a few days, but she made Persephone promise to take care of her. She had a sneaking suspicion that Fenrir would come to check on Figaro, but she didn't dare voice that thought. When it was time to head to St. Mungo's for her appointment with Dr. Wheeler, Emma practically ran to the fireplace. She bid very hasty farewells, grabbed a handful of Floo powder, and off she went.
Her appointment with Dr. Wheeler went exactly how she thought it would. It was awkward and uncomfortable. It wasn't easy to explain the situation with Fenrir and how she was starting to feel that she understood things better. Her feelings were complicated, but the more information she learned, the easier it was to separate her feelings. She knew that she didn't love Fenrir, but she loved the idea of what he once was to her. The more time she spent with Fenrir, the more she could appreciate certain aspects of his personality.
Emma didn't necessarily want affection from Fenrir, but she wasn't entirely opposed to his praise. She was glad that they had reached a point of respect and that he was honest with her. She hated that he could switch from a decent person to overbearing to downright terrifying at the drop of a hat. She despised how domineering he could be, and his possessiveness, and how she had to walk on eggshells around him. However, his honesty was often needed, and as long as she was willing to learn, he was willing to teach. There was a clear power dynamic at play, and Emma knew that, but Fenrir could be played like a game of chess if one studied him long enough.
She couldn't help but question how useful therapy would be when Dr. Wheeler tried to bring up very Muggle ways of dealing with her situation. There was absolutely nothing Muggle about coping with the most savage werewolf of all time. She would have to bring it up to Remus and wasn't entirely looking forward to that conversation.
"You keep looking at the clock," Dr. Wheeler said as they approached the end of their session.
Emma couldn't hide her blush. "I'm just really ready to go home," she said. "Really, really ready to go home."
Dr. Wheeler gave Emma a knowing smile and looked down at her watch. "Well, knowing your father, he was here at least ten minutes ago. We'll end things here, and we'll pick up next week when you're at school. Go home."
Emma was more than happy to do exactly that.
She scrambled up from her chair, gathering her things, and practically sprinted out of the room. Remus was idly looking at a poster down the hallway, and he turned to look at her. Emma had never felt more at home just from the smile he gave her. She squealed with pure joy and made a running leap into Remus's arms. Emma laughed, knowing that Remus had finally learned to brace himself around her so that he didn't fall. She clung tight to him like a monkey, wrapping herself around him as tightly as she could.
"I guess that means you missed me," Remus chuckled, holding Emma in his arms.
"Don't be stupid," Emma muttered, burying her face in his neck. "Of course, I missed you."
She was happy. So incredibly, stomach full of butterflies, brain full of giddy thoughts happy. Eleven days was far too long and felt like an eternity. She wasn't sure if her tears were from happiness or from being so incredibly overwhelmed by emotion; all she knew was that she couldn't stop them.
"Oh, fy nghariad, don't cry," Remus whispered, uttering soft shushing noises as he rubbed Emma's back.
"Y-you would cry t-too if your only c-company was F-Fenrir for almost two weeks!" Emma managed to choke out, and to her relief, Remus laughed.
"I did cry about that when he was my only company, actually," he said, kissing Emma's cheek when she let out a watery giggle. "Oh, you poor thing. But guess what, baby girl? We're going home, and you're safe. I'm just so relieved that you weren't hurt."
Emma immediately tensed up in Remus's arms, and she leaned back just enough to meet his confused expression. "That's not entirely true," she reluctantly admitted, finally disentangling herself and dropping to the floor. "I didn't tell you everything because I didn't want you to worry."
Remus reached up to take Emma's face between his hands, brushing away her tears with his thumbs and sighing. "All right," he said. "Let's go home, and we'll talk over dinner. How does takeaway sound for tonight?"
Getting takeaway was the better idea as Remus was not in the right shape to cook after Emma started to tell him everything. He never let Moony try and break free, but Emma saw the flashes of the wolf across his face. He wasn't angry at her, not entirely, but there was a definite aggravation with her that sat underneath the surface. And to think she had only told him about what happened the previous weekend…
"I just don't understand why you didn't tell me!" Remus snapped, taking several deep breaths to try and calm himself. "He could have killed you."
"I know," Emma said quietly. "I know he could have, but…Jude's too afraid to do anything when Fenrir's around. And with Fenrir, it's not like I asked him to stay. I tried to make him leave, so it's not like him being around is my fault."
"I never thought I'd say I'd prefer him being around you in my life. If I can't be there, at least you're…mostly safe," Remus said bitterly, crossing his arms. His brows knit close together, and he ran his tongue over his teeth. "Emma, you should have told me when it happened."
"And what could you realistically have done? Even if you said something, my word is as useless as yours at this point. You couldn't have done a thing, and I wasn't about to make you worried just before the full. Wolfsbane or not, I know you would have struggled more with Moony if you were worried about me."
Remus took another deep breath. "Emma Hope, for the love of God, please tell me there isn't more that you didn't tell me."
The giggling Emma did was nervous and helpless, and Remus's face fell. By the time Emma managed to finish telling him about her side of things at the World Cup, his face was blank. Moony had made a brief appearance when Emma brought Jude up again, which she expected. Remus then looked resigned when she mentioned the other werewolves.
"I want to talk more about the whole werewolf thing, but not tonight," Emma said quietly. "Probably not tomorrow, well maybe tomorrow…Either way, I want to talk about it before I leave. Right now, I just really want to forget about everything."
The amount of cuddling that happened after dinner could probably be considered illegal, but Emma relished in it. She had missed being with her father and had already started to forget what it was like to be loved so unconditionally. It was nice to be held close and to have Remus pour every ounce of love he had for her into his hugs. Her father equated to home, and Emma repeated it like a mantra in her head repeatedly. For once, Emma's thoughts and Soleil's were the same. She was homehomehomehomehome.
She took for granted the simplicity of being able to be around someone with absolutely no expectations. Emma missed the simplicity of being curled up under Remus's arm on the couch. She missed the way his hand would come up to run through her hair, and he would press kisses to the top of her head just because. All of the anxious little parts of her mind were momentarily soothed. Eleven days was far too long.
Her gratitude towards her father only increased the next morning. Emma felt ridiculous waking up far too early, but she didn't need to explain why she was up. Remus, who was routinely up early in the morning, gave her a soft smile in understanding from his seat at the table. He pulled a grumbling Emma into the kitchen and sat her down at the table, chuckling as she rested her forehead on the table.
"It really ruins the myth that werewolves are entirely nocturnal, doesn't it?" Remus said, setting a cup of tea down in front of Emma.
"He's like a bloody drill sergeant," Emma muttered, pulling her mug close and taking a long sip with an appreciative hum. She missed Remus making her tea. "Get up, Lupin. It's late, Lupin. You have things to do, Lupin," Emma grumbled, running a hand over her tired eyes. "I don't understand why six in the morning is an appropriate time to get up."
"Because it's around the time the hunting party returns," Remus said. "Head out around three in the morning, come back by six or seven. Then you have a nap around the afternoon."
Emma shot Remus a glare. "That's shit."
"That's life in the pack."
"That's shit," Emma repeated. Remus gave her a sad smile, and she sighed, running her finger along the edge of the cup. "I didn't want to talk about any of this right now…"
"I think we should," Remus said softly. "We're notorious for pushing conversations off until it eats away at us. You're growing up…I think it's time we should probably stop doing that."
"Possibly," Emma said dryly.
"So, what's bothering you, then? I know you have your concerns after meeting the others."
"All of it, really. I didn't realize there were so many werewolves," Emma said quietly. "I mean, I knew there were a lot, but to be in one spot with so many…I wasn't expecting to feel like I fit in."
"It's a surprising feeling," Remus admitted. "I was terrified the first time I went to the packs. It's a culture shock."
"I figured as much," Emma replied, taking a drink of her tea. "I know that wasn't even half of it because it was all of the different packs coming together, but it's different."
"And what did you think?"
"I think that if that's ultimately where I had to be, I could find happiness," Emma admitted. "It wouldn't be easy, I know that, but in a sick way, I've almost lived in. The only benefit I had was modern luxuries, but I've always preferred my own imagination."
"You do have a very active imagination," Remus agreed. "But you know it's difficult, yes? Werewolf culture is much different than wizarding culture."
"I've spent day and night with Fenrir," Emma huffed. "I think if I can survive that, then I could handle the rest."
"Fenrir is on his best behavior with you, though, love. He's violent, and just because he hasn't shown you that side of him lately –"
"Daddy, think about that for a minute," Emma said, pointing to her face. "Regardless of whether or not he had an aggravatingly logical reason for this, it's not as though I haven't seen how Fenrir can be. I'm one of his victims, too."
"But that's only a fraction of how he really is."
"Realistically, what is he going to do to me that he hasn't already done? Other than killing me, which he's made clear he's not interested in, there's not much he can do."
"I just can't stand the idea of you being hurt."
"Well…if you're worried about that, Jude's the issue," Emma scoffed. "Fenrir's a brute, but compared to what Jude's done to me, he's been mild. Jude's mission is clearly to make me as miserable as possible. Fenrir at least has an incentive to keep me around."
"That terrifies me," Remus said quietly. He dipped his finger into his tea and frowned, pushing it aside. "All of this terrifies me because I don't know what's going to happen. Once again, I feel useless because I can't do a thing for you, not without the threat of Azkaban."
"You're doing what you can," Emma said quickly. "You're here for me when I need you, and I think that's much more important right now. I just…I know what's coming up."
"Because Fenrir wants your decision."
Emma nodded, peering out the window for a moment. "It scares me because I know he's going to ask me what I want to do, where I'll put my loyalty," Emma said quietly. "And I don't know what to do. When I met the other werewolves, I realized that I could do something. When I met the werewolves from Fenrir's pack specifically, it hit me hard just how real all of this really is. And then when I saw the children... Daddy, they're so small. They're not just figments of my imagination. They're actually real."
"I know," Remus said gently. "It's…it's all they know. They're brought into the pack, and that's their life. They don't know anything outside of it."
"On the one hand, I don't want to interrupt that because they're happy because they don't know better." Emma took a long sip of her tea, thinking for a moment.
"But there's a whole different world for them to be a part of." Emma frowned and looked up at Remus with the realization of just how difficult what she wanted to achieve would be. With laws as they currently were, no one would hire her when she graduated. She suddenly felt just as resigned as her father to what her life would be. "But I can't even say that life is any better outside of the pack, either. Not with how things are."
"No, unfortunately, you can't," Remus admitted. He took a look around the kitchen and shook his head. "We're fortunate that we have as much as we do. If I didn't own the house well before everything happened, they could have taken this away, too."
"Is that part of why you and Papa decided to renovate?"
"Yes and no. I knew that I wanted a bigger space for you," Remus said, giving Emma a soft smile. "You very rarely complain, and you've certainly never complained about your room, but you deserve more. I want to be able to give you more, and this is where you're happiest. If I can make things just a little bit better for you, I'll do it."
"You're absolutely mental, did you know that?"
"I'm not mental. It's because I love you, sweetheart."
"I love you, too," Emma whispered. "And that's why I hate all of this. I'm tired of being scared all the time. Every day I have had to sit and weigh the costs of every decision I make, which scares me. I feel like I've had to grow up so quickly this summer, and that's fine, it really is, but it's not fair.
"It's not fair that I can't be with you. It's not fair how people treat you – treat us…I almost wish that we could go back to the time when we thought Fenrir was our biggest problem. He's still a problem, but it's not the same problem anymore." Emma took in a deep, shuddering breath. "And I'm scared because I don't want to make the wrong move."
Remus sighed, reaching out to take Emma's hand. He rubbed her knuckles with his thumb, thinking hard.
"What makes you feel like you need to join the pack?"
Emma lifted her gaze to meet Remus's with a frown. "You knew?"
"You're my daughter," Remus said with a slightly watery chuckle. "Of course, I knew."
Emma pulled her lower lip between her teeth, searching Remus's eyes. Of course he would know that she had a decision in mind. He seemed to anticipate her thoughts well before she ever did.
"I want to make a difference," Emma said quietly. "Anything I want to do, I can start in the pack. It's not like I'll ever be able to get a normal job now, anyway. Though Fenrir's been a right pain in the arse about me getting my education regardless. I think I can convince him to wait. That's the only reason I managed to get out of him turning me this month. As long as that's one of my bargaining chips, I won't actually have to go to the pack."
"But for how long? Emma, it's Greyback," Remus said sharply. "He doesn't do anything for anyone unless he's getting something out of it. What about when he decides he doesn't want to wait any longer?"
"I know," Emma said gravely. "I know what's at stake. I'm going into this with the hopes that he's waited long enough that it doesn't matter. If not…There's no use in worrying about something that hasn't happened yet."
Remus gave a small nod in agreement. They had both been plenty guilty of worrying about things that hadn't happened yet, and at that point, it seemed there wasn't much to fear. All of the little nightmares they had already happened. Remus had been outed as a werewolf, Emma was attacked by Fenrir, and Jude was a threat. They were in a living nightmare, and there was no use in denying that small truth.
"Dad, I need you to promise me one thing," Emma said, twisting her hand so she could lace her fingers with Remus's. "I know we've had the discussion before, but please…I need you to promise me –"
"Emma, I can't be the one to turn you," Remus said, squeezing Emma's hand. "I can't do that to you –"
"What does it matter anymore, Dad? Your blood literally runs through mine; a third bite isn't going to make a difference except finish things."
"Because I don't want to be responsible for killing you!"
"So you'd let Fenrir be the one to do it? With or without the Wolfsbane, I know I can trust you with my life. You won't kill me. Moony sees me as his pup; I'm your daughter – you are the safest option."
A deep frown crossed Remus's face. "Emma, I can't…"
"You can," Emma said earnestly. She pulled her hand from Remus's, curling in on herself. "You can, and when that time comes, you will because I need you to. Please. I'm not asking you to do it next month, and I'm not asking you to do it anytime soon. I'm just asking that when it comes time, it'll be you. I will never ask another thing of you again if you do that one thing for me."
"If there comes a time," Remus said, attempting to correct Emma's phrasing. He ran his hands down his face, his brows knitting together. "You're never going to be in a position where that'll happen."
"Well, all right, but then please just think about it. For me," Emma said. "For if I get in that position where it'll happen."
As was wont to do for the Lupins during difficult conversations, silence fell between the two. Some things would never change, and though they had become comfortable with being more open with each other, they were both stubborn. It wouldn't be the last time they would have the conversation, but they said what they needed for the time being.
"What would you like for breakfast?" Remus asked, clearing his throat. "We might have to go get groceries as I haven't gone out, but I'll make anything you'd like." A small smile crossed Emma's face, and Remus stood, giving her a knowing smile in return. She didn't even have to tell him what she wanted.
"And this is why I always keep bacon in the house," he said, bending down to kiss the top of Emma's head. "Two bacon buttys it is."
Emma felt like she needed to be outside the very moment the sky grew dark. The summer air was starting to cool considerably, anticipating September's arrival. The last of the summer's fireflies floated lazily in the backyard, leaving glowing trails in their wake. After spending so much time indoors all summer, being outside felt like a luxury. Being outside felt like freedom. The cool air touching her skin was blissful, gentle, and soft. The grass beneath her bare feet was a cosmic reminder that she existed, that she had a place in the world. Whether or not people wanted her there, she lived, and she lived out of pure spite. She lived because she wanted to prove that she was worth something, could make a difference.
It seemed ridiculous that at different times, she could relate to her fathers. It was even worse when all of their experiences collided into one. All three of them were prisoners in their own ways, both by the law and their own thoughts. Remus was a prisoner to his lycanthropy, Sirius, ironically, from his escape from Azkaban, and Emma was stuck somewhere in the middle. None of them knew what to do; nothing was definitive.
Every day, Emma felt as though she had to question every single one of her morals. All of the things she thought were right were suddenly wrong. The things she was once against were the things she needed to latch onto to survive. Emma wasn't the same person she was when she was eleven, but she certainly didn't expect to be the person she was at nearly fifteen. She swore that she felt at least 25, not fifteen. Emma huffed out a small laugh – according to her lycanthropy, she essentially was. Maybe that was why she felt so old.
She sat down on the ground and set her mug down next to her. Letting out a long breath, Emma laid back on the grass, staring up at the sky. Her gaze drifted from the waning moon to the brightest star in the sky. Somewhere on the opposite side of the world, even she could be found in the sky, and she gently touched her necklaces. Pack.
It felt like the longest summer of her life, and it still wasn't over. There were still five more days until she would return to Hogwarts, and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to. She knew it was expected of her and that it was her safest option, but Emma was worried. Things could go wrong so quickly.
A movement to her right drew her attention away from the sky, and Emma gave Remus a half-smile as he laid down next to her. She shifted herself closer to rest her head on his arm and let out a quiet laugh when he slipped his arm underneath her shoulders to pull her close. This was the exact thing that Emma needed, and she happily rested her head on his shoulder. She had been wanting to do this nearly every night with her father, just being in each other's company and watching the stars. Their family was the galaxy; the universe was for them and them alone.
"Is it terrible that I'm glad that it's just us?" Emma asked quietly, ignoring the sudden tightness of her chest. "I feel like I've spent time with everyone else alone except for you. It was nice to experience being a 'normal' family, but…"
"It's just been you and I for a long time," Remus finished for her. He kissed the top of her head. "It's nice to not have to share you for a little bit."
"I have a confession to make that surprisingly isn't related to anything wolfish," Emma whispered after a while. "But I'm afraid it's going to make me sound really selfish."
"What is it, love? You can tell me anything, you know that."
"When everything is all figured out, I don't want Harry to live with us," Emma said after a long pause. "I know…I know he deserves to have a family that isn't terrible, but I really just want you and Papa to myself…"
"I had a feeling you were going to say that," Remus said with a sigh. "Do you want to know a secret? I have my concerns over having Harry with us, as well."
Emma turned her head to look at Remus in surprise. "Really?"
"Really. I care for Harry, of course, but I don't know if it's a good idea," Remus admitted. "Sirius and I always talked about having two children, but that was just a dream. Having one seemed like such an impossibility that two was going to be nothing short of a miracle. I just think with our situation it's going to be a challenge. If Sirius thought things were hard when it was the three of us, it'd be much harder with four."
"It's because I'm difficult, isn't it?"
"No, not at all, fy nghariad," Remus said earnestly. "It's because I don't know that I have enough time to devote to everyone. You are my priority – you are my daughter, and you are always going to come first."
"But it's important to Papa to have Harry…"
"Sirius and James were very close, and I think Sirius harbors a lot of survivor's guilt. He wants to make up for what Harry should have received growing up," Remus said, smoothing back Emma's hair.
"The way I look at it, Harry's very independent – not that you aren't, but you're both independent in different ways," Remus added at Emma's look. "You two have grown up with completely different circumstances. I have a feeling that when he's of age, he's going to want to go off on his own. You're going to want to stay home for a little longer. That's not a bad thing, not in the least, please don't think otherwise. I can't say I'm too upset by the idea because I love having you around, but you already know that." Remus reached over to run his finger down the bridge of Emma's nose with a fond smile.
Emma wanted to argue that and say she would go off on her own when she was of age, but she knew that was a complete lie. She didn't want to stay home forever, but she definitely wanted to stay home for as long as she could. There was a lot of time to make up for.
"What if I want to stay home forever?" Emma asked jokingly. She turned on her side to look at Remus better, her eyes glittering.
"Doesn't change a thing – I would love to have you home," Remus smiled, bending his head to kiss the tip of Emma's nose. "But someday, you're going to want to leave. I'm going to hate every moment of it, but I know you need to start your life and conquer all of those beautiful dreams of yours. You'll find someone else to give your love to. You'll get married, start a family…and I'll be here to support you in every decision you make."
"What if I fall in love with another werewolf," Emma continued to joke. "Would make things interesting."
"I don't see you with another werewolf," Remus laughed. "I'm sure you see the appeal of it, but I don't see that happening." His brow furrowed slightly as he looked over at Emma. "This isn't you trying to tell me that you fancy Boris, is it?"
Emma groaned, turning her face into Remus's chest. "Ugh, no. Not Boris! He's too energetic for me," Emma said.
"And George isn't?"
"George is different," Emma insisted. "And I still haven't decided what to do with that other than to try and ignore the obvious. It's not like anyone knows, and if it's apparently so normal, well…when in Rome." Emma began to giggle and shook her head. "I can't even believe I just said that. But, in a perfect world, what sort of person do you see me with?"
"Oh, Merlin. Well, quite honestly, I try not to think about it," Remus said pointedly, drawing another giggle from Emma. "But, if I had to pick the perfect person for you, they would be someone who takes the time to understand you. They would need to be someone who knows when you need a push in the right direction and when to let you figure out things on your own. They'll be intelligent - very intelligent with a sense of humor to match your own, dark jokes that I hate and all. I don't think you would be happy if they didn't like to read, so that's a must. Maybe Muggle-born because I know you want to keep that connection, but I can't see you with a Muggle. You've too much magic in you to be with a Muggle. Perhaps half-blood with strong roots in the Muggle world would be most accurate."
"For someone who said they try not to think about who I'll end up with, you have quite a lot of thoughts," Emma said, raising her eyebrows.
"Oh, and I'm still not done," Remus grinned. "They'll be someone who makes little comments that drive other people mental just like you do," Remus added, tickling Emma's side with a playful growl. He sighed and kissed Emma's forehead as her giggles melted away into the quiet night. "I think that they'll be stubborn – they'll have to be to handle you. They'll be someone willing to challenge you, but not maliciously. I think that they are going to have to be someone on the calmer side and very empathetic. They'll know that you love dancing in the kitchen in the mornings while waiting for breakfast and need music playing at almost all times. Whoever you're with is going to be your best friend, not just in life, but in love."
"I highly doubt that this sort of person exists," Emma mused.
"Well, a father can dream that only the best exists for their daughter," Remus said. "And I want nothing but the absolute best for you."
Emma let out a soft sigh, getting herself comfortable. There was nowhere else she wanted to be than right where she was.
"Daddy, does it ever bother you that I'm…okay with what I am?"
"No," Remus after a long pause. "No, it doesn't bother me. I'm happy that you can find acceptance with it. I'm a bit jealous, honestly."
"Jealous? Why?"
"Because you didn't have to grow up hearing how terrible we are. Your viewpoints on the world aren't so black and white, while that's how I grew up. You didn't grow up being ashamed of what you are, and most times, you're very unapologetic about who you are. You can find it in yourself to accept most things easily, and I love that about you. Your issue is that you worry too much about what other people think. I wish I could be more like you sometimes."
"I just don't want to hurt anyone…especially you," Emma murmured. "I've hurt you enough."
Remus turned on his side to face Emma and pulled his arm out from underneath her to prop himself up on his elbow. He reached out to cup Emma's face, brushing his thumb over her cheek. He gently traced the scar that was there, a slight frown crossing his face as he did.
"And I am telling you that there is nothing you can ever do that will make me stop loving you," Remus said firmly. "Do I like what's happening right now? Of course not. What sort of father would I be if I were somehow happy with how your life has been? My God, no parent wants their child to be anywhere near Greyback, and yet…"
"Well, nothing about our family has been normal, has it?"
"No, no, it really hasn't. But at least we have each other, yeah?"
There were three things that Emma knew for certain right that moment.
The first was that she was terrified. Her entire world had been flipped upside down and that everything was changing. She didn't enjoy the idea of Fenrir being correct and that another war could be looming on the horizon. Remus's tone was worried when they spoke of the World Cup and echoed similar thoughts. Even if a wizarding war wasn't going to take place, she was still in a battle of her own. It wasn't something that she wanted to be a part of, but it was quickly becoming her reality. Emma just wanted to sit somewhere in the middle of everything, but it seemed like each side was fighting for her. She was the daughter of two men who fought for the light, but she was raised by a man who thrived in the dark.
The second thing she knew was that she wanted to live. The idea of death seemed like such an escape, but she had finally found purpose. She wanted to be selfish and live her life the way that she wanted to. There were so many things that she wanted to do, and she wasn't about to be held down. Emma wanted to make a difference in the world and had seen first-hand what she could do for the first time in her life. Her goals weren't just for her anymore, they were for others, and if no one else was going to step in, she wanted to be that person. No one's life should be dictated by anyone other than themselves just because of something they had no choice over.
The third thing Emma knew with every fiber of her being was that she would do absolutely anything for her family. Emma couldn't imagine not having Remus in her life, and she couldn't imagine not having Sirius again. They were what mattered to her, and she would do anything to bring them all back together. Even Elara had become an essential part of their strange little family. Perhaps one day, she could finally learn to love Harry unconditionally like the others, and her little pack could grow.
Emma snuggled up as close as she could to her father. She had some tough decisions to make and soon. For the moment, she would push that all aside and take advantage of every moment she had left with her father. The clock was ticking fast, and Emma feared the day that clock finally stopped.
a/n: werewolf magic werewolf magic werewolf magic. Also not me sitting and making more of Fenrir's backstoryyyy.
To all of my late night readers, go to bed! Good night!
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Lucasjan - So. Many. Werewolves. They're going to be an interesting bunch and I cannot waaaiiiitttttt to write more about them. If that's Emma's choice, is that truly where she belongs, though? hhmmmmmm...Only time will tell! Muahahahahahaaaa
ShardAura - I swear, your reviews never cease to make me laugh. I posted the second chapter hours after the first, so it probably came up as a SURPRISE BONUS! I'm determined to finish the summer chapters (ONE MORE LEFT) and then I need a breeeaaaaaaak. I've been writing this consistently for a year and a half with zero time off hahaha. Sooooo many werewolves. I definitely want to focus on the other side of the war. I haveeeee ideas, BIIGGGGG ideas, but we'll see. This story is horrendously dark, so we'll see what happens. I wanted to write more about the World Cup but I didn't know how to write it without a giant rehash so...WEREWOLVES! Yes yay George! Yay Boris! and omg DUCKY.