Chapter 13

What if we don't live forever? What do we do with the time we have? What do we do to make the most of our days on Earth? If you ask Lena right now what she does with her time, the answer is simple: Work.

"Miss. Luthor, the board arrived for the meeting"

"Good to know Jess. I'll need to travel to the South later today to finally close this deal I've with Andrea Rojas. Can you please make sure my jet is ready to fly when my meeting ends? Asks my driver to get my bags from my home, okay?"

Her assistant nods, they keep talking about work. Lena signs documents while she gives precise instructions on what to do while she's gone. Everything seems like always, like if she had just pushed a reset in her life and all this like it was before…

"Kara Danvers…"

"Huh?"

"Miss Danvers called again…"

Lena says nothing, she just waves her hand to Jess, asking her to leave her alone. Her assistant knows better than this that the name of Kara Danvers shouldn't be pronounced but she feels bad for the girl who's constantly trying to reach her boss.

"Miss. Luthor, maybe you could give her a call someday?"

"I've nothing to say to her, everything I had to say, I already said it…"

She knows it's not true, she knows they have plenty of things to discuss, but, just recalling their last conversation, Lena doesn't feel strong enough to deal with any emotion at all…

"What do you want to talk about, Lena?"

Kara was thinking that they could talk about how they feel after what was said during the dinner they had with their relatives. But, Lena is not the kind of person who likes to analyze what is happening in her head even less what is happening in her heart. And, that's why she requests Kara to leave the house.

"You want me to leave?"

Lena looks down at the coffee she just made, she cannot deal with the sad, puppy eyes the other woman is making right now. She needs to be rational concerning the decision she's making.

"I have other properties, you can move in whatever you like. Or, if you find another apartment of your like, I can pay for it. Whatever you decide, it will be fine for me…"

It's not fine, it's not fine at all to not see Kara everyday as she wakes up, but she shuts down those feelings as she starts to drink her coffee.

"And, what if I want to stay here, with you?"

Lena spit out her coffee over the kitchen table when she hears what Kara wants. She wants to smile because it makes her happy to see that she wants to be with her but, she refuses to believe that is an option at all.

"I'm sorry, Kara. But, living together is not possible anymore…"

"Why?! This is my home, Lena! You're my home!"

Lena wants to cry as Kara holds her from the collar of her blouse, looking at her in the eyes, begging her to let her stay at her side. And, God knows Lena would love to be able to do that, but she can't because…

"You're a constant reminder of all the bad things my family has done…"

"Lena…"

"I cannot look at you without feeling sick of who I am and where I come from…"

The blonde gulps hard, the last thing she wants it's to make Lena's life harder.

"I don't blame you for anything. You know that, right?"

Lena nods but she finds it hard to believe that Kara doesn't hold any grudge against her. After all, it was her father who caused so much damage to Kara's family. It's running on her veins, the blood of the real monster in Kara's tale.

"So, what are we going to do now, Lena? What will we do about the baby?"

The blonde hugs her big belly, she's entering her last months of her pregnancy and, the idea of going through all of that without Lena at her side, it breaks her heart more than what she ever imagined. The pregnant woman starts to cry and Lena wishes she would be brave enough to hold her one more time, but she's not. And, that's why she takes her keys and leaves the house with no intention to turn back as she says:

"This is for the best, Kara"

She cannot stop wondering if she was right and if the decision she took is really for the best. Lost on her thoughts, Lena spaces out till someone brings her back to reality.

"Miss. Luthor…? Miss. Luthor… Miss. Luthor!"

"Hmmm?"

"Your meeting is starting without you. You spaced out for a moment but, you should go…"

"Right. Yes! I'll go to the conference room in a moment…"

Jess nods, she walks to the door, ready to leave, but, before crossing the door, she asks once again what she should do if Miss. Danvers calls again. Like every time, the reply of Lena is the same, send her a big check, the CEO says. Jess deeply sighs, she hates the order but she's compelling to do it no matter what.

Like the professional person she's. Lena does her work flawlessly even if deep down, she's a complete mess because each day, she craves more and more for the presence of Kara in her life. It doesn't help that Sam is also gone from her life. Since she fired her that day she brought Alex to her home, they haven't talked at all. She has lost too, her best friend, her confidant. Yeah, Lena has pushed everyone away, the only left it's work. That's good, that's enough, it's what Lena always says to herself even if she doesn't believe it at all.

When she finally gets down from her plane, her new partner in business was already waiting for her at the airport.

"Lena! You arrived!"

Lena is surprised to see her old friend too, but, she's more surprised to notice that the spoiled brat known as Andrea Rojas is right now a…

"Mom?! You're a mom?! Since when?!"

Andrea shrugs, she introduces her daughter of 2 years to the dear Luthor and they drive home. From the airport to the moment of the dinner, the kid of Andrea seems to be very fond of Lena.

"Look at you, Lena. Who would have thought you were so good with kids."

Lena sadly chuckles, she might be good with kids but, it kills her to know she might never be good enough for her own kid. There's no doubt Kara will be an amazing mother. That will be enough for the kid, right? Once again, the brunette gets lost on her thought till her new partner on business makes a question the CEO wasn't expecting.

"It's true, the rumor I heard?"

"What rumor?"

"That you're finally settling down"

Lena takes it as a joke, putting into little boxes all the feelings she's feeling about it.

"So, it's not true?"

"You know me, Andrea. I'm married to my work. There's no room for more"

"You know, Lena. I also thought the same for several years. But, then, I found someone different, someone who brought me out of my selfish behavior and gave me reasons to long for something more than a luxurious life"

The new heir of the empire Rojas explains how she met her husband, how they got pregnant without planning it and how welcoming their daughter to the world has been the biggest accomplishment she could ever make. It makes Lena smile to find a new Andrea, a more human woman than the brat she was when they were in college.

"You should consider the idea of being a mom, Lena. You would excel in it as everything you do. Believe me, being a mom, it changes you for the better…"

"Maybe I don't want to change…"

"Maybe you just haven't found the good reason to…"

Lena sadly chuckles because she found her reason to change, to be better, and she cannot be with that reason. That night the brunette allows herself to fantasize about the idea of having the same that Andrea has. A big house with a big backyard, a dog running around as Kara plays with their child as they wait for Lena's arrival and then, the complete bliss when she finally gets home, to the warmth of Kara and their baby.

"God, Kara…"

She calls her name at night, she calls her under her sleep and she cries every night that she passes without having her at her side.

The grey days are back and Lena passes the next couple of days, working on the new project she has with Andrea as she is longing for Kara. The launch of the product finally comes and Lena has to fake happiness about it. Because without Kara, the brunette is unable to feel happiness at all.

"The big day is here, Lena! The launch of our product!"

"Yes, and, you're not coming to the gala of the launch"

Andrea giggles and once again she apologizes for missing the party. To be honest, Lena is more shocked to realize that Andrea is capable of saying 'no' to any party. But, when it's about choosing between going to the gala or staying at home to finish the halloween costume of her daughter, there was no choice to make in Andrea's mind.

They keep the chat on the phone while Lena gets ready for the gala. It's when she discusses some details about the project with Andrea when she realizes she forgot her speech in her office. Looking at the clock, she has plenty of time to go to the office and make it to the party in time.

It's a saturday night and she expects to find no one at this hour in her office. Especially since she made new regulations on the working hours. No one has to do more than 7h per day. A new space of meditation and yoga was settled in her building. She even hired some therapists so the employees can talk with someone if they feel the need to do it. Yeah, she's trying to change, she's trying to do better. But, in the eyes of the person who's right now in her office, it's not enough.

"Mother. What are you doing here?"

Lillian doesn't reply, she's sitting in Lena's chair as she looks at the astonishing woman she raised, looking impeccable in front of the eyes of everyone but she knows her child too well to know that behind that perfect image, there's a broken girl who's on the verge of a breakdown.

"Mother…"

"I just read your speech for tonight's gala. What a disappointment, I must say…"

Lena moves her jaw, she expects not less of her mother to choose the worst moment to make her feel bad about herself. But, if a fight it's what Lillian is looking for, that's what she will get because the brunette has more than one thing to say to the one person who gave birth to her.

"I might look like a disappointment to you, but you're more than a disappointment to me as a mother!"

This is the first time Lena speaks to her like this. Normally, she would scold her to even raise her voice but she's intrigued to hear what the CEO has to say.

"You are an awful mother!"

"Really?"

"YES!"

"And, do you dare to tell me why I'm such an awful mother?"

Lena gulps hard, hesitating for a brief moment if it would be wise to finally speak her mind or just walk away. But at this moment in her life, she has nothing to lose. After all, she already lost the one thing she cared the most when she kicked Kara out of her life.

"You're… you're… you're not the nicest person in this world!"

Lillian mocks, if this is the worst insult Lena can give her, then she really messed it up, badly. Lena angrily pouts, she wants Lilliant to take this seriously and that's why she makes a list, a very detailed list of all the reproaches she has against her, like: not letting her go to the social events where Lex had to show his best manners. Everytime the family went out to any event, she always felt like an outcast for not going.

"You were a child, Lena. Why would you ever want to assist such boring events?"

"Because I'm a Luthor! Because it was my birth right! But, somehow you always pushed me aside. Just your precious Lex had the right to pose for the news"

Lillian rolls her eyes and it just pisses off Lena even more.

"Nothing I do is enough for you!"

"Why do you think that?"

"Why?! I mean it's obvious! From the moment I stepped in as the CEO of this company, you have done nothing else than making my life miserable!"

"And, why do you think I'm doing such a thing?"

Lena shrugs, she wants to say that Lillian just likes to be evil and bring hell to others. But, she stays in silence as she expects to hear whatever Lillian has to say to explain her actions. The raven-haired woman was ready to hear any sarcastic reply from her mother, anything vicious. Anything except the tremendous truth.

"We don't see things the same way, Lena. What you consider as a neglect act from my behalf. I see it as an act of protection"

Lena frowns, she has no idea what Lillian means, and her confused face just confirms what her mother said. They don't have the same perspective of things.

"Speak as people tell you. Act as people tell you. Do what others say without questioning why. That's how I was educated. And, that's why I refused to let you suffer the same brainwashing!"

"What?!"

"You were never supposed to be a doll and look pretty in socal events, Lena. You were more than that. You were… you are more than that, my child. So, excuse me if I prefered to leave you at home. Playing with your toys, living like any child should live, in its fantasy world instead of going to boring meetings where adults try to play along so they can get benefits from each other"

Lena drops her mouth open, she has no words to say. Especially when Lillian starts to say her version of all the detailed list of reproaches.

"I never planned to drag you to our world, Lena. Someone had to live with the burden of being a Luthor. To fulfill the obligations that come with our name. And, I decided to put that burden in your brother' shoulders"

Lillian deeply sighs, she knows that putting such pressure on her little boy wasn't fair either but, between Lex & Lena, she decided to give to her only daughter the freedom she never had. That's the main reason she got so angry when Lex back out without considering the consequences of his actions. Of what would mean for Lena.

"Your private instructors gave you the same lessons that any other girl from our position would have received. But, besides that, you were always free to choose what to do with your free time"

Equestrianism, the courses of astrology, the linguistic courses. All the extracurricular activities were always her choices, Lena's choices. She might have made some choices to please her father, but, now that she thinks about it, Lillian never put limitations on her education neither on the choices she made for her own future till she became the CEO of the company.

"Lena. You were supposed to follow your own path. Yours! Not the one others choose for you! So, Yes! I'm disappointed! I'm angry! Because being the head of the company of your father was never your dream! And, I don't approve, you walk away from your dreams!"

Lena gulps hard, she doesn't know what to say. All these years, she always thought that Lillian didn't care at all about her when on the contrary, all she has done it's for her well-being. Yes, Lillian might not be the most loving mother, but she did till the impossible to make sure Lena would be free to do whatever she wanted to do in life.

"Fighting against Lionel, against the board, against even YOU! For the freedom I never had, it's the last thing I could do as a mother. All I ever wanted it's to give you the freedom to become your own person. Not a Luthor, YOU, Lena. You were supposed to become something else and built your path away from the Luthor's name"

"I don't know what to say…"

Lillian deeply sighs, she doesn't expect Lena to understand her actions as a mother. She just hopes Lena could open her eyes and realizes that she's more than a simple CEO. The old woman walks toward the door, she cannot stand to watch how Lena is not able to fight for her own destiny because reading the cards of her speech, all she hears it's the empty words of an empty spirit.

"I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it to the gala. I'm done looking at the doll you've become…"

"Mother…"

"Her due date is around the corner, Lena. Your child, because it's yours, it's going to be born at any second. And, where are you? Here, getting ready to play the role your father always wished for you…"

"You know about Kara and the origins of the baby?"

"Did you & Lex really believe you could hide such a thing from me? Please, I've known everything from the beginning, even the reason why you look at her like she was the most precious thing in this world."

"I don't know what you're talking about. There's nothing between Kara and me"

"Keep telling yourself that. But, you love her even if you're incapable of admitting it"

Lena gulps hard, trying to control the tears which are trying to fall from her beautiful eyes. She was sure she could keep it together but when Lillian stands at her side and softly kisses her front-head with so much tenderness, with all the love she has for her, Lena's tears can't be held any more, they fall as a waterfall.

"I didn't act the way I did because I didn't love you, Lena. I love you, and it's because I love you that I really want you to choose your own path. Choose to follow your dreams. Choose to be happy. Choose to be loved, Lena…"

"Mom…"

Lena is crying, she cannot say a word to express all she's feeling right now.

"Your future is not this office, Lena. It never was and I hope you soon realize that…"

We don't live forever, but we live enough to build our own path. The question is, what will Lena choose for her future? What is the path she will consider as hers?