DECEMBER 16 THURSDAY

It took all day and all night to tweak the script. Reactions were not so positive, to say the least.

"I'm asexual?!" Roy crumpled his script in protest. "Like a MUSHROOM!"

"No, Gary is asexual like a mushroom," Sirius had to explain. "And starfish and some species of shark."

"This is an outrage!" said a reconstructive surgeon. "How come all of a sudden NOBODYhooks up at the end?"
He ripped off the operating mask and stormed backstage. The cast had taken the new scrip a lot worse than Sirius had anticipated. He began to consider letting at least one couple hook up at the end.

"They're not taking it very well are they?" said James.

"No."

"The show is tonight. Such bad timing, all this."
"I know. I just don't know how to get them all to untwix their snickers."

"Maybe if you were to introduce something ever more...um..."

"Abnormal? Inhuman? Freakish? I'm tolerant of those things."

"If you rewrote the script again, in such a way, that you make it worse, then this version won't seem as bad."

"I don't have the time!"
"Sure you do!" said James and began to scribble in his copy of the script.

When he was done he showed it to Sirius. James had crossed out lines and added new one and now the "plot" had more holes and contradictions than ever.

"Gary is an alien from planet Fungdor!" James explained. "But he didn't know that until the angel alien came down to tell him about his asexual powers of reproduction!"

"Genius, Prongs, but the songs still tell another story."

But it would have to do. Sirius went to tell Roy about the new changes to the script, and awaited his reaction.

"ALIENS!" Roy burst out, as predicted. "Now I'm a MUSHROOM from SPACE?!"

"Yep."

Roy calmed down.

"So we're all aliens, then?"

"Exactly."

"Well... Ok. At least that's believable."

The cast definitely agreed that the alien version was a lot more realistic and Sirius could finally occupy the director's chair and let the cast get on with rehearsing. Roy, as Gary, sang a song that had been called Thinking of You, but was now called Thinking of Me.

Cas pulled up a chair next to Sirius, to watch the rehearsal.

"That works," she whispered. "That's a lot better than changing You Rock My World to You Block My Herd."
"I'd like to see you do better in less than a day."
"Although I wonder ifchanging In Too Deep to Into Sheep could give people the wrong idea."
"It's about a shepherd's love of herding, get your mind out of the gutter."

"You know Mac has the rule. Why don't you just get it back. Why are you allowing yourself to be bossed around like this!"
"I made all those girls grow beards, how about you do something for me?"

"I don't know where she keeps the rule do I!"
"Neither do I do I!"
"God, if it was Fletcher you would have dunk him in the prefect bath already!"
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I will just have to let Mac win this battle. You see, there's this man-law about doing what girls tell you, you wouldn't understand."

"So do what I tell you to do. Get the rule."

"One against one."

"It's not one against. I made a survey." Cas had a clipboard, and on that clipboard, the survey result consisted of numbers and graphs.

"I asked all the girls: Are you for or against everyone hooking up at the end of the yule show? 93% were for it. So you see, it's not one against one. It's one whopping majority for it."

"Did you make that graph?"

"I found a graph if that's what you're asking!

"Look that's not how the man-rule works. The man-rule doesn't abide graphs and statistics. A bloke has to be asked in person. I don't know why people are fussing? Gary and Josephino still hook up at the end!"

"They don't hook up at the end! They hook up at the start!"

"Well so what?"

"That's not good enough! Everyone has to hook up at the end, you hear? Everyone! You better rewrite the script, if you want a piece of this!"

She took her clip board and walked out. It looked like Sirius had no choice, if he wanted a piece of this.

X

James and Sirius brought Fletcher to the chinese torture chamber.

"You will have to kill me!" Fletcher cried nobly while coughing water.

James and Sirius dunked him again.

"Maybe we're wasting our time," said James. "After all, he too is obliged to abide by the man-law."

They let go of Fletcher, gave him a towel and told him to get out. James and Sirius went down to the library.

"Why do we even bother?" James wondered.

"I told you. It's so I will get a piece of this."

"That must be some incredible piece of this.

They sat down.

"Why don't you just show Mac the new script?" said Remus. "Hopefully she will like it and give you the rule."

"And then we do the original anyway MWAHAHAHA great idea!"

Mac came into the library at that moment, carrying a large box of crystal balls with a feather duster on top.

"Hey Mac!" said James. "Do you have time to check out the new script?"

Mac put down the box and had a look at the script, the version where everyone was an alien from Fungdor.

"I wrote that song," James pointed, over her shoulder, in the script.

Mac skimmed through the pages.

"I had two simple requests: One is that the only couple that hooks up is Gary and Josephino, and the other is that nobody hooks up at the end."

She returned the script.

"Let me show you where I've hidden that rule."

FINally!

Mac led the way to the snooker room in the chamber of giant walking Cluedo.

"It's in the snooker table. Search it, and you will find it."
"Cool thank!"

James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter began to search the snooker table.

And search. And search again.

"Where in the snooker tab-" James turned around, and saw that the door had vanished.

"The door has vanished!" Peter burst out.

And the show was on in ten minutes!

X

Cas sat in the dressing room adjusting her blue hat.

"Very well played!" she said. "I confused them and you led them to the chamber of cluedo and made the door disappear! Because we were more clever, we won this battle! And now we get to do our "nativity", that is to say, the show we wrote about the "nativity" of ABBA! sn't that right Mac, or shall I say, brunette ABBA girl!"
Mac removed the final roller from her massive perm.

"I would have preferred not to scheme. But we were doing the show first, before they got permission from Dumbledore to do their queer thing."
One minute before their grand stage entrance. Cas got off the stool.

"Our show may not be progressive or controversial or have any artistic value but the gays will love it!"
They could hear the drama teacher introduce them, and the first instrumental bars of Honey Honey.