I wake up with a groan. My joints and muscles protest at the slightest movement, I feel like a puppet whose strings are being toyed with or a doll that is being torn apart, I am being plagued. Now I don't mean like the bubonic plague like in the miserable Middle Ages but by the plague of memories that are surfacing and I am drowning in their cosmic swells.
Do I let myself drown and be taken away with the tide? I am too tired to fight. Too tired and too sore and it is not even sunny out. Oh woe is me!
Another swells visits and I feel like I am just a piece of algae in its rolling depths. I am surrounded by sweat. I am being pursued by a creature of darkness a creature of shadow. A creature who wants and takes and all they do is give empty knowledge. Tasks that fill empty dreams and broken promises of youth. "You can do whatever and be whatever you want. Just work hard and true," the teacher tells me.
"Bullshit!" I yell.
I feel a rise of fury. My limbs shake with fire. My feet kindle with sparks, "You don't know what kind of world it is out there. What monsters are out there. You teach us math and science but YOU don't know, how useless it all is. If a vampire is chasing me, what am I gonna do spew some algebraic question in its face. Hey Dracula what's x=2 or some radon. You don't know anything!"
"With an attitude like that, you won't amount to anything Hazel," the teacher states as she fills out a detention slip, my tenth one of the week. The second one I got today because I threw Romeo and Juliet out the window, at least they escaped their pathetic romance together. I personally like Macbeth it is darker and has witches.
I feel a wind of fury burn in my lungs, "Walls are not meant for learning. The learning happens out there! In the real world. This is an institution to make robots. We are all being turned into mindless robots. We need to learn how to survive and thrive in this beautiful screwed up world and that doesn't happen here in front of a board."
"What about opportunities Hazel, career opportunities," the teacher states.
I roll my eyes, I am done with walls I am done being groomed I remember I started to walk out of the room and dark. I was just in darkness. That was my first blackout I guess that is what I felt like. I was floating in darkness. My radical reputation was ruined. People called me names the most memorable being 'Leaning tower of Pisa' or 'Timber.' Get it because my name is Hazel which is a name of a tree and trees fa…never mind.
The worst thing though is I feel their cruelty and their hate for me. It is flaming darkness, like flickering black flames at my heart.
Stupid really.
My heart is so dark my head feels muddled and sore. I sit up and rest my hands on my knees and feel the demon within licking my wounds with kind words, strong words.
"You are so strong Hazel. Let yourself feel, let yourself accept. You spoke truth that they were not ready for. Are not ready for. You were not alone on that day and you are not alone now,"it distantly coos.
"Yes I was. You weren't there and if you were you didn't do anything," I whisper.
"Oh yes I was. I was there Hazel. I stopped you from saying more."I can hear its sheepish smile in its sweet voice that sounds like a red sunset lit cloud.
"What…" I start to say with a chuckle.
"Hazel, who you are you talking to?" Bella asks as she looks at me with her boring eyes and her bland brown eyebrows furrowed.
"Myself," I reply. "What are you doing here anyway. You didn't knock I told you to knock!"
"I did. You didn't answer, so I opened the door and heard you whispering. Hazel are you really alright?" Bella asks again in a softer tone and her care for me makes tears prickle at the back of my eyes.
"Yes," I choke out. " Just remembering."
"Remembering what?" Bella asks with deep curiosity as she cautiously steps in my cozy room.
"Memories," I say with a bitter smile. "Memories of school."