AN: An extra little chapter since January's kind of miserable. I'll still be updating Sunday I just kind of figured why not, we're all trapped inside anyway so let's give y'all something extra to read.

TW: Refence to Child Abuse

Christmas Holidays 1976

After their talk, Hermione returned to Lupin Cottage and told Remus everything she and Sirius had discussed. How badly he felt over what happened. How, as terrible as his actions were, they had sincere motivations behind them, and how hard his friend was willing to work to retain that status.

Leaving Remus to contemplate her words, Hermione retreated to her room and thought over her own position. She knew she hadn't been proactive enough recently. Too distracted by anxieties brought about by the attack, the situation with her brother and Kingsley.

Kingsley.

Who she felt so guilty for ignoring the last weeks of term but knew there was no explanation she could give him.

Part of her wished she could tell him, but Hermione knew she couldn't. There was too much that could go wrong if people thought they were sure to survive. Growing overly confident in their assurances, or worse if they knew they wouldn't and gave up any chance of fighting.

There was also the risk of the wrong people finding out. She didn't doubt his loyalties, Kingsley would never follow Voldemort. Hermione was sure of that much, but she also knew information could be taken by force and it wasn't a chance she was willing to take.

She could risk neither Riddle discovering what she knew nor those she loved being tortured in an attempt to extract it so she couldn't tell Kingsley. Instead, it would remain yet another of the secrets between them.

Truthfully, Hermione didn't think she would even have told Pandora had her friend not already known something. So much of her plan now hinged on her friend, that Hermione didn't know what she would have done without her, but not even Pandora knew all of her secrets.

Still, Hermione knew she would have to start doing more. She may have given herself five years but time passed quickly, and in the sixth months since her 'enlightenment' she hadn't achieved anything worthwhile, and the fates wouldn't grant her a third chance.

She would have to refocus on her goals. On training, so she never felt as helpless as she did during the Hogsmeade attack. On healing, so she was never left in the position of merely keeping someone alive, reliant on somebody else to save them, and above all on her plan to destroy Tom Riddle.

The Christmas Holidays passed quickly as usual. For once, though, James was relieved to be returning to the castle.

Things still weren't as they were before that night and part of him suspected they never would be. The time apart seemed to have done his friends good though, and they were slowly working on rebuilding the friendship that had so rapidly fallen apart.

James was still conflicted over what had happened though. He was pleased Remus and Sirius were reconciling, even if they remained hesitant around each other, but he couldn't look past what occurred.

He still saw that image. Snape's figure, small in the darkness of the passage, ready to face off against a werewolf alone. At night James remembered the fear he'd felt in that moment far more often than that from the Hogsmeade Attack, nonsensical as it was.

He still couldn't believe Sirius would have put Remus in so much danger. Or even Snape, as much as he may hate the greasy git, he knew nobody deserved that fate. Not that he had mentioned any of this to his friends, unwilling to burden their tentative friendship more than necessary.

He had to talk to someone though, and there was only one other person who was aware of the situation, so James resolved to speak to Hermione.

Seeking her out on the Express back up to Scotland, she was alone in the compartment by some miracle. Not that he supposed it was that unexpected. She rarely interacted with people other than the Marauders, Pandora Malfoy and recently, Shacklebolt. Not that he had seen much of the two of them together over the previous month.

He couldn't think about that at the moment, though. Too distracted by his own swirling thoughts and the desperate need to talk to someone. Hermione had always been a somewhat neutral party for the Marauder's disputes in the past. Usually considering whatever argument they inevitably found themselves in too ridiculous for her to have an opinion on, but this time it was different.

Sliding the door open Hermione glanced up and smiled at him questioningly, confused as to why he was seeking her out.

"Mini, can we talk?"

She usually frowned slightly at the nickname. Only really willing to put with them from Sirius, but on this occasion, she merely nodded and gestured to the bench opposite her. Taking a seat, James found he didn't know where to begin.

What could he say? That he didn't know how to forgive his best friend despite the fact Remus, who was the person that had been truly wronged, clearly had. It sounded ridiculous, and yet it was the truth.

Summoning up his courage, James spoke, "I don't understand how Remus has forgiven Sirius so easily."

Instead of replying, Hermione shot him a questioning look and gestured for him to continue.

"I just … I just don't understand how they've gone back to being friends despite what happened. How can Remus just forgive him?"

"Maybe he hasn't."

"What?"

"Remus hasn't forgiven Sirius for what happened. Not yet, and honestly maybe not ever, but he doesn't want to lose his friends over it, so they've both decided to try and move past it."

Somehow, it made sense to James, but he still didn't understand why it had happened. Why Sirius had chosen to reveal the Marauders deepest secret to a boy they all hated.

"I just don't understand how he could do it." He exclaimed involuntarily, barely aware of the words leaving his mouth he'd been asking himself the question for so long.

"Well, he didn't see it like you did." Hermione explained, "To Sirius, in that moment, making sure Snape was too afraid to tell anyone what he suspected was more important than keeping the secret itself from him."

"But he still betrayed Remus! And laughed about it. He and Peter, there in our dorm chuckling away at sending someone off to die!"

"I never said I agreed with him. I'm still working on accepting it, but I know that wasn't Sirius' intention when he told Snape about the Shack that night. I can't speak for Peter, but Sirius just didn't see it the same way as us. He never considered the dangers, so there was no reason it wasn't amusing to him. He recognises them now though and will likely spend the rest of his life making up for what he did."

Her words stole all his anger from him. He knew Sirius had come to realise the gravity of his actions, and over the last week he'd been even more melancholy and regretful than when things had initially fallen apart.

Still, it was the first time he and Sirius had seen things so drastically differently. One amused, one horrified; so contrasting from their usual identical outlook that he still didn't understand how it had happened. How Sirius had been so naive as not to realise what he had done but also how he and his best friend had come to be so different.

As he explained, understanding drew across Hermione's face. "Can you honestly tell me you wouldn't have been laughing along with Sirius before the summer?"

Her question floored him. Because he knew he couldn't. Before the incident by the lake, he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't have been happily laughing along with Sirius, so confident in their righteousness.

While the depth of the damage he was responsible for wasn't clear until Hermione pointed it out, something about that day had started him on the path to recognition. James knew before then he never would have had the same understanding of what Sirius had done.

"No," he reluctantly admitted, and she smiled sadly at his confession.

"I know, James. This year changed you a lot. Between the lake, the attack, and everything else, you finally grew up. But Sirius isn't there yet, so you'll have to decide if you're willing to wait for him."

As she said it, Hermione looked so much older than her sixteen years, and there was something dark in her eyes that looked exhausted. She had always been more mature than the rest of them. Her and Remus both. The two of them forced to grow up before their time.

But this was different.

There was something about Hermione now that seemed like it had seen far more of the world's darkness than he even knew of and once he had noticed it, James realised it had been there for a very long time.

Supper passed quickly; mind preoccupied by his conversation with Hermione but also by the one he knew was coming.

James had rarely spent meals alone at Hogwarts. He and Sirius attached at the hip from that first train ride, and even then, there had always been the other Marauder's to fill any alone time.

The previous month had been strange for him then as he experienced the castle in a solitary setting for the first time. Eating meals alone and generally avoiding his friends. Not that he had needed to, they were all avoiding each other as much as possible.

He was entirely caught up in his thoughts when she sat across from him. There was no extravagant welcoming back feast like in September, but the first meal after the holidays was always a little livelier than most. The Great Hall filled with the excited chatter of students who hadn't seen each other in weeks. All exchanging tales from their holidays and enjoying each other's company after the few weeks apart.

James neither participated nor noticed any of it. Instead, he was shocked to be pulled from his thoughts by a concerned voice. A hand on his, shaking slightly, trying to get his attention.

"James?"

Blinking back into awareness he took in the concerned features of Lily Evans and realised she had been trying to get his attention for the past few minutes.

"Lily! Sorry, my mind was elsewhere. How was your holiday?" he asked, desperate for the distraction.

She gave him a puzzled look but answered anyway, "Okay, thank you. It was nice to see my parents."

"Good, good - and your sister?" He continued, hesitantly, knowing about their fraught relationship from the time spent together before Christmas. Their conversations having grown increasingly personal as they both dreaded spending the holiday alone with their 'siblings.'

Lily sighed before answering, "Okay, I guess. I try to be civil for the sake of our parents, but Petunia has different ideas. She's got a new boyfriend though, so she spent most of her time with him, which was a relief."

He smiled at her sympathetically. They had both known it would be the case beforehand, but neither of their breaks had been as restful as intended. He hoped her evening would be more peaceful than his was bound to be though.

"Sirius and I didn't talk the whole time," he confessed.

Her eyes widened. Though they had discussed the awkward holidays that awaited them, she didn't know any of the specifics that had led to their falling out and was too respectful to pry any further.

"Really?"

"Yeah - I'm going to try and deal with it tonight," he said grimacing as he did. She mirrored his expression but quickly switched it to a pitying smile.

"James, it'll be fine. I'm sure you've actually been thinking about talking to him for a while now, you're just too stubborn to admit it."

He chuckled at her statement. Both she and Hermione had been right. He didn't want the Marauders' fight to continue but feared discussing it would have meant a permanent end to their friendship. Instead, electing to ignore his friends as if that would have solved the issue.

Nodding, he agreed, "I know, but it's probably going to be a disaster no matter what."

"Maybe not," Lily reassured, "Just make sure to hear each other out. You can all be a little hot-headed, and I get the impression this isn't the conversation for that."

Taking her advice, James bid her goodnight, bracing himself for a return to Gryffindor Tower.

The dorm was quiet when he returned. His friends were on their respective beds, ignoring each other. Sirius was playing with the muggle lighter he preferred using for his smokes, Remus absentmindedly flicking through a book, and Peter watching the two as he tried to figure out the best way to fill the silence.

There was none of the usual anarchy that came with a return to Hogwarts, and in the awkward silence, it seemed all the advances Sirius and Remus had made in repairing their friendship had vanished with their return to the castle.

James knew it couldn't continue. The last month had been painful enough for them all, and while Hermione was right that healing wouldn't be instantaneous, he knew it was also time to take that first step.

Steeling himself, he addressed the room, "Marauders' meeting."

It was something they'd come up with as Third Years following one of their first serious, as it had seemed at the time, arguments. They had spent a week accusing each other of stealing Hogsmeade goodies before Remus realised he'd left his stash of chocolate in the Hospital Wing following the full moon.

They'd decided they needed a problem-solving mechanism then. And though they rarely used it, he knew all his friends would stay through the ensuing conversation.

"This can't continue. We have to talk about it." None of them looked thrilled at the concept, but they knew it was necessary.

"I want to know why," he asked, looking directly at Sirius for the first time in weeks.

His friend flinched under the attention but readied himself to answer, "Because I'm a fool who thought he was doing the right thing."

He felt his eyebrows shoot up his face and rage course through him at Sirius' words. But then, he remembered what Lily had said about keeping a cool head and forced himself to calm down.

Glancing at Remus, it was clear he had already heard this before, but James was relieved to see it was news to Peter too, not alone in his astonishment. He knew Hermione said Sirius saw what had happened differently, but he had never suspected Sirius thought he had been in the right.

He failed to understand how his friend had ever even considered it. He assumed it had been a moment of hot-headed recklessness that Sirius had swiftly come to regret once he understood the danger he had placed Remus in. The thought it may have been intentional filled him with previously unknown rage.

Pushing down his anger, he growled out his question, "What?"

Instead of Sirius answering though, Remus' calm tones interrupted, "He planned to scare Snape into silence."

James was stunned his friend had ever considered it an option. Snape had been hunting for the truth about Remus for years. Having long suspected there was something more to his absences than the rest of their peers. James knew Snape would have stopped at nothing to discover the truth.

He knew it was partly their fault Snape was so determined to discover it, even more so after the Lake Incident. Snape blamed them for him calling Lily that word, but the Marauders had never solely been to blame for anything that happened between them.

He didn't deny he was responsible for some of it. Rivalries playing out in ways he was uncomfortable with looking back through more mature eyes, but all their actions had been reciprocated. Snape and his friends were all too willing to hex first when tensions were running high, and while James had certainly started his fair share of their altercations, he'd never been alone in it.

It was different now. The deal he'd struck with Lily meant James had avoided the Slytherins throughout the Autumn Term. Determined not to blow his chance of being friends with her, even if that was as far as their relationship went.

He assumed the rest of the Marauders' had followed his lead. He certainly hadn't heard differently. Moony had never really agreed with their actions anyway, and Sirius had been distracted by something all term, though James didn't know what. It only left Peter who never would have acted alone, so James assumed their rivalry had been left in the past.

Thinking back to the argument he'd overheard between Lily and Snape though he suspected it wasn't the truth. And instead, Snape had been more determined than ever to discredit the Marauders and himself in particular.

All of it meant Snape would never have stopped in his pursuit of the truth. James could only assume Sirius hadn't counted on how determined he was to ruin them when he concocted his plan.

His confusion must have betrayed itself on his face because Remus continued. "Snape's been looking for 'proof' of my lycanthropy for years, hoping to start the petition to string me up. He's also taken a particular objection to Hermione, even though she's never done anything to him. Sirius' grand plan was to shut him up for good and get him to stop spewing his bile to anyone who would listen."

"And you're okay with this?" he questioned. He couldn't deny Sirius the desire to get Snape to stop looking into their personal affairs. Especially not when he'd apparently started in on Hermione too, but he was shocked Remus would even hear Sirius' reasoning out, considering what he had done.

James did wonder how much of Sirius' method was less a reflection of himself and more the environment he had been raised in, though.

Sirius rarely talked about his time at Grimmauld Place, but they had all seen the scars that littered his body even before last Christmas. And he knew the effects stayed with him and made his friend more brash and quick to anger than he would be otherwise. It may have explained why Sirius thought sending Snape out to face a werewolf was an acceptable method of keeping him quiet; even if he never intended for Snape to actually be in any danger.

He doubted there had been many reasonable responses to misbehaviour in the House of Black, after all. Especially, thinking back to their younger years and the way Sirius had flinched at the sight of a wand whenever they were in trouble but continued to subtly position himself in front of them. How could Sirius have been expected to learn any better with no other examples? Not that he agreed with what Sirius had done. As much as he may be able to explain some of Sirius' reasoning, he would never accept his actions.

"No," Remus admitted, "I am decidedly not okay with it, but I can accept it happened and try to leave it in the past. On the understanding that if anything like it ever happens again, it will be the end. I will never deal with him again."

While he still didn't understand how Sirius could be so short-sighted as to think his plan would have worked, he was at least reassured Sirius hadn't truly considered the dangers when sending Snape to the Shack. Thinking more of his imagined benefits than the very real risk he was exposing his friend to.

Part of him was disappointed there hadn't been more of an argument, hoping for the catharsis of a fight. Still, he also recognised it wouldn't have solved any of their problems, and likely would have exacerbated them through things said in the heat of the moment.

Instead, James accepted the explanation given. That Sirius hadn't thought Snape would truly be in danger and was trying to help his friends. Not forgiving him for his stupidity but at least understanding why he'd done it.

As much as he had craved the release of a fight, it wasn't his place to dispute the answer Moony was content with. Not when he had been put in such a terrible position, and his acceptance was a way of controlling some small aspect of the situation.

Determined to move them all past it, James turned back to look at Sirius, "You do anything like it again, and I'm gone with Moony. No explanations, no nothing."

Sirius nodded, accepting, and James finally let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay then, who's up for a game of midnight Quidditch?"