Chapter 13
Darkness…it moved along lines like wet motions in the violent shades.
I could feel it, as I scanned the halls of this ancient place, the ruins felt cold and stiff as I dragged my open hand along the strange symbols that decorated the stone walls of this place.
My body felt translucent and weightless as I moved along this strange and dark place. I could feel it…the force in this strange place, darkness and anger held a strange weight here.
As my body passed through the dimly lit corridors, briefly being highlighted by the natural moonlight. I could feel the strange history through the ancient cracks of this strange place.
There was a deep darkness here, a place where the dark side flourished as it took away and consumed the light.
As I passed through the corridors, I walked into a strange room. The only sound was the trickling of the nights rain, and the sloshing of the water. Strange sounds…it was like many creatures occupied this room; I could feel their emotions in this place.
Warped by the darkness to serve an unfit master. That was where I saw him, a man…in the center of the room.
As I peered my eyes to see the area occupying myself. I could finally truly see, In the center of the room held a massive and ancient throne.
It must of have been decorated once with jewels, but now all that remained were odd sections where the jewels were stolen and cracks from the stone due to the erosion.
The throne stood in the middle of the room like an island, the rest being surrounded by water only a couple of feet deep.
That was when I saw them, the cause of the rapid sloshing of water. The dogs…well to call them dogs would be a disserve to dogs.
There strange bodies contorted to an abnormal size that no dog should ever possibly be able to reach, there muscles tightened as they went crazy in the water. There hindlegs in the air as they pounced around the river…bending and being broken by their masters will.
Though it was their eyes that shook me to my very core…there bright crimson eyes that were able to break through the darkness.
There master…the only thing I could see was the long clock that he was wearing. A deep black one that covered his face and the rest of his body.
The moonlight dramatically shown on him for a second. Breaking through the darkness as he lifted his head up, two orange eyes went through the darkness and were aimed at me.
"Quiet down!" he yelled out to the animals
Though they did not stop at first, he lifted one up. One of the bigger hounds tried to fight the levitation but it wasn't able to break its masters hold. It stopped growling and began yelping as it fought to reach the ground.
Its single crimson eyes locking onto the strange man. The man's hand filled with strange scars and burns. His intricate and slender fingers began to bend as sickening cracking echoed throughout the hall.
The hound's body began to contort as the bones were being bent in odd angles. The yelping and painful howling replaced the cracking of the animal…till it eventually stopped.
All that the man did was drop his hand and a sickening thud resounded from the water, and I could feel it for a second.
The echo from the hound…of its pain and anguish as it fought to stay alive. The echo it was creating from so far away…
Though it was too weak…and its duel crimsons eyes began to slowly be engulfed into the darkness. The other hounds surged to him, as they began to collapse onto him and feast onto his carcass. Until all that remained once again was silence and the trickling of the water.
I thought it was all over, and for a second, I felt whole once again. The fear of what this man could do, and what his animals could do began to overwhelm me as I fought to not utter a sound.
The man jumped up from his chair, an inhuman jump as he landed on the water. A mini wave vibrated throughout the river as the animals fought the current.
"Someone is here." The man chuckled
He dug into his pouch as he pulled out something…a faint metallic glint caught the moonlight as it was reflected all around the cavern shown the entirety of the room.
Ancient text and codex's littered the floor and cabinets. This strange place must have once been a research installation or maybe even an ancient library.
Though I was not that interested in the room, he ignited his weapon as the crimson light broke through the darkness.
A…a lightsaber!
He readied himself with the weapon in both of his hands. His evil hounds began gritting their teeth, there jaws spreading to a horrifying degree showing off there strange and sharp teeth.
The blood mixed with the saliva began to corrupt the pond as they advanced, and their chestnut fur was even more highlighted from the light of the saber.
That was when that feeling came back, that horrible feeling that I felt so many times...
Death…
Awaken
My whole body slammed into the floor as I shielded my head, what followed next was the sound of the banging of all my furniture in my room. I'm lost again as I'm waking as a wave would wake had it reached the shore.
When I was sure that it was all done. I opened my eyes…still shielding my head as I stared at the destruction that I caused.
My desk was overturned, my textbooks and paper were scattered all over the floor. The ink from my pen also decorated my wooden floor into a strange violet that spread all around my room.
The bed was pivoted into an odd angle and nearly knocked over the nightstand. My lantern was lucky unlit and now was broken into fragments onto the rug, luckily my satchel was not damaged…but the rest of my room…
That was when I began to hear laughing coming from around the corner, near the entrance. I craned my head to see Ram.
"Wow that just happened!" Ram imitated me as she began to walk into the room
I groaned as instead of giving her attention, I chose to ignore her as I went to check on my satchel.
"What even was that…for a second everything was just levitating." She said as she uninvited went to take a seat on my bed
"Sometimes my powers activate when I fall asleep." I simply replied
Though it had been strange, it's been years ever since that happened to me.
Luckily, my lightsaber and toolbox were still safe, and…my journal. I used to write a lot during my time in the academy, mostly it was about studying though sometimes I found it relaxing to write about my feelings.
Sometimes when I was feeling stressed out or anxious, I would write it down to help me get my thoughts together. I stopped that when I joined the Mandalorian Wars, a mixture of Ran calling me a pussy and me not knowing how to feel anymore.
It has been a couple of days ever since I installed my new crystal. Most of the time when everybody was asleep, I would sneak out to the roof of the mansion and practice.
In my journal I would jot down my progress, and everything I remember when I was Jedi or Sith. I already jotted down Ataru, Makashi, and Soresu…even some force channeling techniques.
I was even able to draw decently enough to describe the lightsaber form. I was a better drawer than I thought, it would not matter if anybody went through the journal. Because of the different language here in this world…no one else would be able to comprehend my writing.
To any normal person in Luginica…it would be gibberish!
I have been occupying myself lately by doing a mixture of meditation and lightsaber combat…well mostly lightsaber combat. When I meditate, I lose control sometimes, this was a perfect example of that.
The force and me not being able to coexist and work together. Sometimes I could call on it for simple things like lifting objects and pushing things away. But if I wanted to combine the force and lightsaber combat together, that would be a tricky thing.
Meditating was always hard for me, even harder now due to my connection with the force not being anything more than an echo.
If I meditate for too long, I am back there…on that final battle on Malachor.
I would rather give up the force once again than ever go through that ever again…
"So…what are you making for breakfast?"
I slammed the journal shut as I placed it back in my satchel.
"Don't you always complain about my cooking." I grinned as I opened one of the badly turned drawers
"Roswell orders me and Rem not to cook while you are here, so it's either starvation or the sewer food that you come up with." She pouted
I got one of my spare shirts out of my collapsed dresser and I put it on, trying to ignore the insults that Ram was hurling out as I tried to quickly ease my way out of the conversation.
The dream that I had last night was bothering me, enough that it was distracting me from Ram's insult barrage.
What was going on in that dream…it had to be a dream…
Though the terror and the darkness from that face felt so real though. I could still feel it even now as me and Ram walk down the hall to the dining area.
It had to just be a realistic nightmare, it had to be one. No one else would be able to create a lightsaber from this world…even the prophecy stated only five would be chosen.
Sure Revan, me, and the betrayer were confirmed…that still left only two more openings. But me and Revan were Sith Lords, but I could feel this one's power.
This one's power could not be considered a true Sith. Rather it felt more like a dark Jedi or something along those lines. The Sith Lords…if it is true that the prophecy is describing ones that are Sith Lords or once were, then this one's power does not match.
I greeted the rest of the gang as I went to prepare breakfast, luckily, I woke up early enough for me to not lose time to cook. It was my only job and I did not want to appear lazy to everyone, well to Rem and Ram I guess I always appeared lazy to them.
That is another thing…Rem. Something is going to happen between me and her one of these days soon. Before I would have to search for what lies deeper to feel the pent-up resentment that Rem had for me, after I saved that kid's dog a couple of days ago something within her changed.
The anger subsided for a short while. Though now there is something else, maybe it was…hesitation?
God…I always hated using the force to try and find what others were feeling. It was way easier searching through body language, but there are times where you do need the force to offer a helping hand.
I do not know, and I don't care…I could feel her anger now. Like she is preparing herself for something to come. She thinks she is being clever, trying to keep up that robotic expression but the more she stiffens up…the more the mask cracks.
"Goddamit" I blurted out
I accidently cut my finger. The blood was slowly pouring out of my index finger as I rushed to grab a towel.
"You okay?"
I turned around seeing the voice…Rem. She stared at me with her cold and emotionless blue eyes, there was something off about this girl, more than usual.
"Sure…just put the rest into the oven for me." I said as I began walking to get a towel
When I got the towel and found a bandage, everybody was already eating. It was a quiet breakfast like most of the others.
Mostly Roswell and Emilia talking about the royal election, and the occasional Puck joke about Emilia's kindness.
"Isaac…are you listening?" Roswell asked
My body shot up as I stared at him, his hat stood to the side and his fingers were interlinked over his plate.
Oh god did he not like the food!
"I'm leaving soon so you are going to be the man of the house for a little while!" he smirked
I looked side to side at everybody, nobody was laughing. Oh god this is what I get for zoning out, back at the academy I had Vrook scolding me every day for this shit.
"Relax Isaac, Roswell has some meetings that he has to take care of. So, we are going to be alone for a little while." Emilia said
The rest of the table talked more about Roswell being some sort of thing called a wizard.
So instead I finished eating, took everybody's plates and cleaned the dishes. After that everybody began to do their chores or studies. Faced with nothing more to do until the afternoon, I decided to study the language of this strange place. Mostly because I was bored and had nothing else to do.
After I was done with the day's work, and the next days work. I tried to do anything to occupy myself. Mostly it was me hovering around my books and procrastinating about cleaning up my room.
A part of me wanted to go and talk to Emilia for a little while but I decided not to do it. Mostly it was because she studied a lot, and I had…insecurities.
Thinking about it now kind of makes me feel kind of ridiculous, but the way Emilia is…how could I ever truly help her?
She was kind, charming, smart…and from what Puck has told me, she was a talented mage. Hell, if the election worked out well, she may very well become royalty!
What could I ever offer a girl like that…?
It kind of reminds me of Desaryna. I first met Desaryna when we were children, I gravitated to her and we formed a friendship.
Maybe because I was taken into the academy at an older age, so it was harder for me to make friends. Hell, many of my peers never had any memories of their parents, while I knew where I came from.
I was picked out due to talent, some talent now huh…a broken jedi, and an outcast. But Desaryna would not have been destined for that.
Even from a young age you could tell that she was different from all the rest. There were some from the Jedi high council believing that she could become another prodigy student, just like Revan before her.
As the years went on, she became an even more talented Jedi. She was even being trained to eventually oversee the Jedi library on coruscant, but in the end the war happened, and she decided to follow Revan.
I do not know why she followed him. I doubt it was due to her wanting to save innocents on the outer rim, well that was partly the reason I am sure of it…she was very kind and always tried to help others. But Desaryna wouldn't disobey the Jedi Council for that sole reason.
Maybe it was Revan…maybe in that whole chaos of war she was hoping for him to train her. Many of us Padawans knew of him, but he was not even close to becoming a Jedi knight. So, by the time he would be appointed to master we would already be on course to knighthood.
Maybe that is why she followed him…but instead he chose me.
I could still see her face right now, and I could feel a chuckle rising on my throat. Why did that girl risk to give everything up for me…to run away and start somewhere different?
Why did I survive that day, why did I live?
"You have to survive." Her voice echoed into my brain
I could smell it, heading into my nostrils as I fought to forget the memory. The poisonous gases of Malachor, how when the planet was dyeing…it was not the Mandalorians killing most of us…
It was the planet killing all the Jedi.
My fist slammed into my desk…and again, and again. The sound echoing throughout the hallway, until all that remained was my bloodied hand and my heavy breathing.
Nearly losing all control, I got up from the seat and threw open my door.
I needed a place to relax and calm down…yeah, the roof. So, I began walking down the hall and began climbing the nearest staircase.
When I threw the door open leading to the roof, I was refreshed with the nice cold air that was able to greet me. So, I sat down on my usual spot and began trying to clear my mind.
I tried to silence my thoughts of them…of Ran and Desaryna.
It was hard but for a second all the anger and self-loathing began to quiet. Now all that remained was the sound of nature beckoning me to just relax and release my anger.
As minutes passed and minutes turned into hours. I could relax, until I heard the door erupt Infront of me.
"Get out, I have to clean up here." Rem said
Well my eyes were closed but I could still detect her voice. Void of remorse or kindness, I could feel my face stiffened as I tried to not lose control.
"Get out."
When normal Jedi meditate, they can break from it if needed. But I was a special case if I weren't careful or was disturbed…I could lose control.
"God do you ever listen…I know your lazy but you're not deaf!"
I could feel the stones from the estate began to crack and small rocks began to circulate all around me. I could feel my anger and body tense up as I tried to keep my cool.
"Relax…" I whispered to myself
The smell of Malachor…
The burning of Duros III
Desaryna…in my arms as the world collapsed around us…
The rocks stopped and slammed back into the ground; I could feel the short shockwave ripple around me.
"Rem will you please just shut the fuck up!" I yelled out
She was startled by this, losing grip of the rake she was carrying. Maybe it was due to all the times I had just ignored her, maybe it was all the times I had lightly joked around with her that caused her to think that.
"God you're so annoying. I know that you don't like me, but would you kindly just fuck off when I ask you to leave me alone!" I shouted
My head hurt from the yelling, I had to go through all that to try and control the force. What is even the point of doing it anymore, my connection will not be the same as it once was.
I was still standing up, my breathing uneven and my face red from all the anger that was pouring out of me.
She looked up at me, I began to understand how I must of have looked to her. I was way taller than her, also Emilia…so I must of have looked like a monster yelling at her.
With my sealed eye, and my metallic hand…I really must have looked scary. And I could feel the anger begin to diminish from her and be replaced with fear.
"Hey, I'm sorry…you just caught me at a bad time." I tried to smile but that caused her to take a step away from me
Instead she turned the other way and picked up her rake and began raking up the leaves on the roof. The crazy thing was how there was not that many leaves up here, so did she really have to bug me to do this chore.
If this were such a bother for her then I would just help her with it.
"Your just lazy…you think you can come here and call this place home. Just because you saved Miss Emilia won't change my view of you." She alleged
She was whispering this, not quite enough for me to here. I didn't know if she was doing this intentionally for me to respond to her or not so I let her continue talking as I awkwardly listened.
"You took away one of the only things that I enjoy doing here, and you bother sister every night." She spat out
She must of have been talking about me and "Ram's Study Sessions" well I would not even call it that. Most of the time Ram would fight the urge to sleep and insult me when I got a question wrong, or she would fall asleep and I would have to wake her up from my bed!
I could get everything done without her; she was a lame tutor. Maybe one of these days I could get Emilia to help me, but me and her have not been talking much lately.
Mostly due to me not knowing what to talk to her about and being distracted by trying to reconnect to the force, but there was something else there…
"…and that's not even the worst thing!"
God she was still going on!
Wait…Rem was standing right next to the handrail that separated the roof to the outside. I stayed away from it due to how old and creaky it was.
Before a couple nights ago I accidently slashed my lightsaber through it when I was practicing Ataru. So now it was even looser and more dangerous.
"Rem keep away from that area." I sternly said
She glanced up at me and a sinister smirk spread across her face. "Wow…so your giving me orders now, Isaac."
"Rem just please listen to me…"
"No!" she shouted as the Rake dropped from her hands
She grabbed onto the wobblily handrail, her face contorting into a sadistic glee.
"I could handle the laziness, the lack of accountability…but of all things Isaac. Of all things that I could ignore it had to be that smell…"
She was still holding the handle as I could feel the violence and the darkness radiate from within her. The murderous presence that she was creating, how could one hold so much anger for a single person…who did she think I was?
Did she find out about my ties to the Sith, or maybe even my ties to Revan?
"Maybe while they are gone, maybe I should just end this…"
"End this?" I repeated
I had no lightsaber, and I was not able to consistently control the force. God forbid I lose control; I could possibly wipe the whole estate to the ground.
But I did not want to hurt her or kill her…no matter how much she hated me. I did not want to take another life, I had enough of killing…I had my full of it during the wars.
Though it would not matter as those were the last words she said as the handrail slid from right under her. Rather the stone holding it cracked and was uplifted.
Her porcelain hands slipped from it very quickly, but from how quick and unexpected this was. She began to fall.
It all happened in slow motion and I was not sure if she even understand what was going on. All I saw was her blue eyes open widely in fear as the stone and iron handrail fell with her.
I still do not know what happened first. If the moment she fell I activated force jump, or I was already expecting her to attack and I would need to dodge.
It does not matter…not anymore.
My whole body acted, and my right hand shot up to her and I thought I grabbed something. It was hard to tell, but maybe it was intuition or just the force guiding my hand so I would know when to properly close it.
But having a false hand, even as high tech as this one…can never give me back what Revan took from me all those years ago.
I peered my head over the broken rail seeing Rem dangling off the edge. Luckily, I caught her left hand by her wrist, her blue eyes sparkling from the afternoon sun as her maid skirt fluttered in the wind.
"Rem…hold on!" I yelped
My left hand grabbed her same hand as I lifted with all my might to pick her up. Luckily, this was all I needed to do.
My chest hurt and my stomach too, I felt like I was going to throw up my breakfast. Maybe because it was the stress of nearly watching Rem die, or maybe how I came right in the nick of time to save her.
She was by my side as the only thing that could be heard were our laborious breathing.
"Isaac…thank you."
Did she just actually say that!
She was going to kill me up there, I could feel her emotions. And after the days of dealing with her and Ram's, insults, and the nagging every second.
What is the point of it! It is just a fake thank you…she is only glad that I saved her from dying due to her own stupidity.
"Rem leave me alone, I need to think."
Rem did not say anything after that, she just peered over where the handrail was and saw the front lawn of Roswell's mansion. She lurched like she was about to throw up, but she backed away from the broken fence.
Maybe she was grateful for me saving her life, but it did not change what I have been dealing with ever since I came here.
So, I stayed on the roof, laying down on the cool granite floor as the sun dipped below the horizon. Drowsing the sky with a light orange.
As the hours passed, I would meditate and take a couple of naps. Why was what they were saying affecting me so much, why did her words carry weight to them?
"Hey Isaac…Rem said that you were up here."
I was still laying down. I turned my head to the side seeing a tilted Emilia standing over me. Her silver hair looked strange from the glowing sun.
I turned my head back up to face the sky. "What do you want."
"Well first dinner isn't ready." She tried to crack a joke, but it failed miserably
My whole body was outstretched onto the floor. It felt nice and cold, sort of comfortable but you had to lay down in an angle. "Ask Rem to do it…turns out it was one of the only jobs she enjoys in this place."
There was that stiff and uncomfortable silence that I hated so much.
"Rem told me about what happened, she is very grateful for what you did."
I scoffed. "Grateful my ass…"
She sat down next to me, peering onto my face as I just was staring at the sky. Why did I have to be reminded of Malachor…why could not Rem just LEAVE ME ALONE.
"Puck told me that you had a lot of stuff on your mind, he said that he could feel it. I was wondering if you wanted to talk about it because he said that you have been feeling very…clouded."
I finally tilted my head to look at her intricate and beautiful face. Her purple eyes trying to grasp at anything to talk about.
Of all the questions she had to ask why did it have to be this one? How could someone like her understand what it was like to lose everything, to watch everything you love burn Infront of your eyes as the world collapsed all around you.
How would I be able to explain how the smell of burning wood can set me back to the forest planets of Duros, how Mandalorian crusaders set fire to the forest, the fires that still burn…
How Basilisk war droids rained over Onderon and Dxun, how moons circulating Onderon still hold the scars of war…
How could I ever truly tell her the darkness that I held in my heart…
Right now, all I just wanted was peace and quiet, to just reexamine my thoughts and to avoid the memories that plague my very soul.
"Emilia…I don't know. You wouldn't understand, even Puck wouldn't if he tried."
She looked unhappy by this; it wasn't me outright ignoring her, but it was me basically sending her away. But maybe it was for the better, just like before I was better off alone.
What was I still even doing here, I should just buy a carriage and hopefully get a job in some distant place?
That was when I felt it, strange fingers grabbing onto my head as I was gently lifted.
"Relax." She whispered
Emilia picked my head up and laid it down on her chest, I could feel her heartbeat against the back of my head as she lightly ran her fingers through my hair.
Maybe it was because of how loving she was to me, maybe because for a second, I believed that she could understand.
I could feel the tears begin to slowly develop as I began to cry in her arms. "I don't…I don't know how to explain it, they all…"
The tears began to come out now and I began to loudly sob as I tried to explain to her what was going on but I just couldn't.
"They all died…so suddenly, slaughtered like they were a bunch of animals!"
"Why did it have to be me that had to survive that day, why of all the talented and capable people that could of have lived…why was it me?"
The only thing that happened was how her grip tightened around me. I was so close that I could feel her heartbeat, it felt so nice to have someone holding me like this…it has been years ever since someone held me like this.
It made me realize that for the first time ever since my time with Desaryna that I was being held by someone once again. I could feel her warmth envelop me like a warm blanket as she held me closer, I wondered why she was like this?
Why would she hold someone that she barely knows like this, so close to her and her heart? "Emilia…why are you doing this, hanging around someone as broken as me. I don't deserve this."
My body went limp, and for a second, I felt like I was able to slide out of her hold. But she was still there holding me.
"I understand what you mean when I was younger. I lost my whole village, and I wondered why it was me that survived…I still wonder it to this day."
Her voice was now shaky as her grip of me only tightened, to the point of her fingers digging into me.
"So, I understand what you mean…thank you for telling me this. I guess we're both survivors, now aren't we?"
She tried to smile but I could see the faint tear go down her face as me and her were silent as we watched the sun fully dip into the ground. Pitch darkness erupted all around us, but we still did not move from the others grasp.
Survivors?
She said that she understood but I was so vague and non-coherent. If I were stable enough to tell her, what would she even think of me?
There was something comforting about this though, knowing that there was someone that went through what you went through. And how that person could possibly understand, made me feel less alone in this strange new world.
"Emilia…I'm tired."
She did not say anything to me as she lightly once again ran her warm fingers through my hair.
"I'm so tired of watching everything I love burn…and turn into ash and dust."