"Hayashi!"
I heard Bokuto calling out my name while I ran a few feet away from the gym doors. I securely wrapped my arms around her, covering her small frame with my jacket I wore. Although it wasn't cold, children can easily get sick so I didn't want her to catch a cold. Additionally, what made matters worse was I began tearing up and crying over this stupid problem I had. I shouldn't be crying because I'm mending my relationship with Oikawa, but it just hurts. It hurts so much. I recalled crying myself to sleep during the painful days where Oikawa didn't give me affection, and I blamed it on myself when it wasn't my fault. The day he left me like a stranded dog on the curb crushed every inch of me. I'll never ever let Kazue or anyone know about this, but I even considered getting an abortion after a few days of being single. Being apart from Oikawa made me want to do things to appease the attachment and love I had for him despite his big demand. However, my mom knocked some sense into me so I threw the abortion option away.
"Mama? Why you crying?" Kazue's curious voice brought me back to earth. I totally forgot that she was currently in my arms as I was running back home. My child doesn't know the hardship and trauma I went through just to have her in my life. My chest squeezed tightly and my breath hitched, imagining the hypothetical situation where I chose to get an abortion all because I was love sick. A life without my baby girl would be so empty and bleak. There would be no laughter to fill my ears, no random discovery from her, no sunny smiles, no hugs and kisses from her, and most importantly, I wouldn't have learned to grow up and see the wrongs in my relationship with Oikawa.
"Oh baby…!" Big and heavy tears rolled down my cheeks as I couldn't look down at her. I didn't want Kazue to see how weak her mom has become. She should never see me cry like this. As her mother, I want to show her how strong her mom was. I can't be strong if I let it affect me this much. "It's nothing." I kissed her forehead, stating a white lie in her face. She's only 2, she won't remember this. "Mommy loves you so much! You mean the world to me! You were the best thing that ever happened to me!" More tears streamed down my face as I sobbed hard. She was my angel and only light in this dark world I lived in. Watching her grow within me for 9 months was a beauty, but having her be covered in her fluids in my arms on the day she was born was a different experience and feeling. My child I loved so much was finally in my life. I took special care of my body in order for her to see the next day.
"Mama, don't cry!" Kazue knew nothing, and yet she was comforting me as if she did. I mean, she was growing inside of me while I was being bullied during school. So she might know something but not all of it.
"My sweet child…!"
After coming back home late at night, I put Kazue to sleep and I quickly wrote Bokuto a half assed reasoning to my sudden leave. I didn't have the energy to tell him the truth, nor I wanted to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone for a while. Today wasn't a good day, I deserve a day off from school tomorrow. I don't care, that's how I survived those horrible years at Aoba Johsai—making up excuses to not come to school, but still turning in my work in time and passing all of my classes.
I put my phone on 'do not disturb' since I didn't want to be bothered by anyone. It wasn't going to be easy for me to sleep tonight but I had to because I'm emotionally and mentally drained. Right beside me, Kazue was sleeping soundlessly. Her cute face made my heart less tense.
"My beautiful angel… What in the world would I do without you?" I leaned in closer to her, cuddling my daughter as I closed my eyes to sleep.
The next day later, I woke up to Kazue burning with a fever. It was a good yet bad thing that she has a fever. The good was I didn't have to go to school, and the bad that my baby girl has to endure her agonizing sickness for a few days. Once I informed my parents about Kazue's health, they agreed and let me stay at home for today.
"Make sure you don't open the door to any strangers! Be safe at home! We'll be back at 7 tonight!" Mom concernedly said even though I was old enough to know these basic safety precautions.
"Yes, yes, mom. I know, I'm not a little kid anymore. Nobody is coming inside while I'm busy nursing Kazue to health. I'll see you guys later, bye!" I waved at my parents, watching them drive off from the driveway in their car together.
Just when I was going to close the door, I heard someone shouting my name. "HAYASHI!" It was a faint yet loud familiar voice. I extended my right hand out which held the door knob and poked my head outside to see who it was. Out from a distance, I saw the one and only Bokuto dashing towards me in his school uniform.
What the heck was he doing here?! Did he run all the way from school to home when he realized I wasn't there? It's already 8 something, homeroom should be starting. "B-Bokuto, what are you doing here?!" His tiring figure now stood in front of me as he heaved from, I'm guessing, a long run. His hands were on his hips and his head was cranked back trying to catch his breath.
"Why…." Bokuto tried speaking despite struggling to. "G-give me a minute…!"
It's so painful to watch that I offered to take him inside. Bokuto looked like he was going to pass out without drinking water. He must really care about what happened last night if he ran from school. I thought he would be the type to wait after school since education should be prioritized.
Walking out from the kitchen with a tall glass of water in my hand to the living room, I gave it to Bokuto, who was on the couch. "Here,"
"Thanks!" Bokuto took the glass and chugged it down in an instant.
Although I dressed in my pjs—oversized t-shirt and knee length shorts—I didn't care how I looked because this is my home. I don't have to dress nice for anyone if I don't feel like it.
"I'm going to be right back. I need to give medicine to Kazue. She's sick—"
"I'll come too!" Bokuto hastily stood up, looming over me due to his tall statue.
I didn't want him to get sick just because he cared about her well being. "Bokuto, it's best if you wait. If you get sick—"
"Nope! I'm immune to any type of sickness! Now let's go see Kazue since I didn't get to see her yesterday." When Bokuto said that, a tight sensation squeezed my chest. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but I'm not used to this. I hope I don't get blamed for or even screw up.
I told Bokuto to stay outside my room because I didn't want Kazue to be triggered by the sight of him. If she ever saw him in her sicken state, she might refuse to rest in order to play with him, and I can't let that happen.
"Mama…" Kazue groaned, shifting around in bed as her sickness made her uncomfortable in her own skin.
I felt at fault because she got sick because I took her out. I'm surprised that it wasn't the cold night which made her sick but the autumn breeze. It was neither the winter cold nor the hot humid air but the middle. "It's alright, baby. I have your medicine to make you feel all better!" I smiled at her, making Kazue know that she will recover fast. "Drink your medicine and then you'll be able to play with Bo, okay?"
A fearless look changed her weakened face. If she heard Bokuto in any given sentence, her ears were always opened. "Okay, mama! I wanna see Bo when I'm better." Kazue, who was filled with deep determination, took her medicine and fell fast asleep due to the medicine kicking in.
Next, I put a cold rag on her forehead to cool down her temperature. She'll wake up soon enough once she rested for a few hours.
"Okay, now you can come in." I gestured to Bokuto near the door frame, and he quietly tipped toe inside my room, placing himself next to me on my bed. His body weight almost made me topple on him since he sunk the bed deeper than me. My body weight barely made the bed sink, not even when Kazue was on me. So I slightly moved away to prevent any mishaps from happening.
"Where should I put my blazer?" His grey blazer was in his arms. I'm assuming he was hot or something.
"Just put it anywhere." It didn't matter to me as long as he remembered to bring it back home with him. "So what did you want to talk about with me?" I knew what it was, but I wanted him to bring it up. I'm sort of over it yet not. I'm just trying not to think about it right now because of Kazue's health.
Bokuto's golden eyes sharpened as his face grew seriously. "What happened yesterday? Why did you run away?" I didn't pull back my hands when I felt his overlapping mind. He gently squeezed my hands, assuring me that it's safe for me to tell him anything. Whatever came out of our mouths stayed in this very room. "Akaashi informed me about what happened before you left the school gates yesterday. That group of girls who surrounded me after the game were the girls who said those hurtful words to you."
My breath hitched for a second before calming back down, as well as my rapidly beating anxious heart. I subtly averted eye contact with him once I opened my mouth. "...yes that happened." My brown eyes were casted to the ground. "I'm pretty sure Akaashi told you every detail of it." I fiddled my fingers together. This was the moment where people won't ask for my side of the story only the bystander.
Then his fingers scooped underneath my chin and lifted it up, so our eyes were boring to each other's souls. "Hayashi, I want you to be openly honest with me about what happened. I am your friend, and I don't like to see you hurt because it will hurt me too. So please find strength to put your trust into me again." His caringness clung tightly onto his words while his eyes showed a tinge of sadness swimming in there. "I want to hear it from you, not Akaashi's."
My eyes widened from his response. I'm surprised he wanted to hear it from me and only me. Also, Bokuto's right. I shouldn't be scared to tell him because he almost knew everything about me. He knew my past was filled with heavy anguish, and what I felt last night was because of the girls. I would have never compared Bokuto to Oikawa if I weren't seeing the parallels from the devil's whispers. This friendship I have with him, I don't want it to be tarnished by petty people. His presence has changed my cold personality to be warm and happy. I valued our relationship.
Shifting my body to face him, my hands were gripping his shoulders firmly while I tried to suppress my emotional tears and smile through this situation. His hand which was on my chin dropped to his side. "I'm glad that you want to hear it from me." Most people I would only seek out the bystander's point of view instead of the real victim's view. I'm so grateful that Bokuto really, really cares about me. "The girls came out of the blue…" I explained the situation of what happened at the school gates until the part I got back home.
"Mhmm… That's the same thing that Akaashi told me. I wanted to text or call you to check up on you, but I didn't since I knew I was going to see you in person. I'll say more once you bring up where you ran out after the game."
I knew he had so many questions for that. I don't blame him either; I would be too if I were in his shoes. "First off, I want to let you know that this friendship we have I appreciate it. Whatever comes out of my mouth is from my own thoughts being affected by the girls. Please don't get offended."
"I swear,"
"B-because the girls brought up my past…" I felt embarrassed and ashamed to even tell him this. "I saw parallels between you and Oikawa… Especially when the girls surrounded you." I said in a hush toned voice. I elaborated my reasonings, and Bokuto wasn't getting mad; he was listening and nodding at all of my words. It's awing how he could react so calmly about this despite my awful action at the end of the game. As the memory of last night played in my head, my eyes started to tear up and burn again. I hurt Bokuto over my stupid thoughts. Why did he still want to be my friend?
Bokuto grabbed a hold of my turning face which wanted to hide my vulnerability. "Hayashi, it's okay to cry." Tears slipped out of my eyes from his gentle words. This was my first time crying in front of him. My tears wouldn't stop cascading down as I sniffed through my stuffy nose. Bokuto's golden eyes weren't judging me but comforting me. "Tell me what's going on in your head." His big thumb wiped away my salty tears. His caring action made my heart ache. He's too nice for me. Why was he being so nice about this?!
"W-why are you going through this with me? Why aren't you mad at me?! Aren't you hurt that I compared you to Oikawa?! You don't deserve to be friends with me!"
A smile stayed on his lips which confused me the most. Why was he smiling right now? What was he feeling about this? Why was his heart so big and forgiving? I had so many questions lingering in my head.
"Why should I be mad at you? It's not your fault that this situation happened." His hands caressed both of my cheeks on my face. "I know you would never compare me to Oikawa...because we're just friends." For some reason, my heart tightened from the word 'friends'. Right, me and Bokuto are friends… And he stated to me before that he has a crush on a girl but he won't confess. But why does it hurt coming from his mouth? And now that I think about it, why did I even compare him to Oikawa in the first place…?
"But…" I couldn't even find any words to reply back as he continued.
"Besides, I don't expect you to recover from what he had put you through, Hayashi." Bokuto's hands now ran through my hair, combing from the scalp to the ends of it. "Everyone has a different healing process. No matter how long it takes for you to feel better, I will always be here. I don't regret meeting you or Kazue—"
My eyes couldn't take in his sweet honey words that I cried out another set of tears. Bokuto said he doesn't regret meeting me and my daughter, and that's the most heartwarming thing that anyone has said to me. I had my doubts that regular teenagers wouldn't want to befriend a teen parent like me because they wouldn't have time to live their life as a normal teenager anymore. However, Bokuto broke that toxic thought of mine. My light crying turned into ugly sobs as Bokuto pulled me in his arms, rubbing circles on my back.
"Let out those tears. I'll hold you until you're better."
Ugh, why was he so kind hearted?! Bokuto acted too good for me to be his friend… What if he was more of a romantic interest instead? I pondered the possibility, but it can't happen because he has a crush on someone, and I don't know if I can see him like that despite all his loving yet gentle gestures he's been showing me.
"When you left last night, I was hurt and confused. I tried to run after you, but the girls surrounding me were pulling me back from doing so." Bokuto further explained the girls were trying to convince him to not chase after me. "They were bringing up baseless claims about you, trying to shape you into a person you didn't even sound like. I just don't understand why they wanted to tear us apart? I see nothing wrong being your friend. You never hurt me."
Bokuto was right though. I don't understand why it's so wrong of me to even befriend a volleyball player? Can't I be friends with anyone without having to be called out for?! The girls make it sound like it's a sin to befriend the opposite gender. Just because I had a slip up which resulted in me getting pregnant, doesn't mean it's going to happen again. I didn't know that girls love to take down each other. What were they going to gain if me and Bokuto ended our friendship? Nothing for sure.
Then he went on saying that his teammates and managers had to pry the girls off of him so he could chase after me. I think it's very sweet of them to help Bokuto because they sensed something wrong between us. They were good friends who cared about each other. "I tried to chase after you, but you had already disappeared in the dark. I got so scared because I was supposed to walk you guys home after the game. I feared that something bad was going to happen, so the team let me leave early to find you."
"Sorry…" I muttered out, feeling guilty that I let my rash emotions take over my body.
"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong," Bokuto cradled my body like a child. "I can see it from your perspective too. I'm just glad that you made it home safe, Hayashi. If anything were to happen to you and Kazue, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."
10 minutes passed and I moved out of his arms. My eyes were red but I was done crying, and I could finally look Bokuto in the eyes. There was a dying question I've been wondering about ever since he ran to my house. "Bokuto, did you go to school but ran out because I wasn't there?"
Bokuto's eyes widened but then relaxed as he chuckled. "No, I didn't. I was actually waiting at the train station for you. After some time had passed and it was close to homeroom, I realized that you weren't coming so I turned around to check if you were home."
My heart ached again! He really waited for me at the train station… Hearing Bokuto's considerate action made me feel like a terrible person. I don't deserve to be friends with this person right here. He's too good for me. "Why are you so sweet, Bokuto?!" My voice cracked, looking at him with another teary expression.
Bokuto flashed me a sun-like smile which blinded me. "Because that's who I am! I care a lot about you, Hayashi! I know if it was the other way around, you would do the same." His positive outlook made me want to cry even more. He's a ball of sunshine. How did I even meet him?!
"Mmm… Mama…?" To my surprise, Kazue woke up earlier than I expected her to. She was supposed to sleep for a good few hours, not less than two hours. "Mama…?" We watched Kazue slowly get up as the damped cloth fell off her forehead and she rubbed her eyes.
"Kazue…" I exchanged looks with Bokuto. I wanted him to leave before my parents came back home and when Kazue woke up.
Bokuto leaned in my ear and whispered, "I think I'll—"
But before he could finish whatever he intended to say, Kazue beat him to the punch and pounced on him. "BO!" Despite her sick state, Kazue got up on the bed and hugged him. "I miss you, Bo!" She giggled, snuggling against his muscular arm.
Oh boy…. Kazue was going to be hard to tame now she spotted Bokuto.