Chapter 16

It was the Friday before the first Hogsmeade trip of the school year when Harry found that he couldn't sleep. Because of this, he continued on in Sirius' diary, flipping to the next entry.

November 3rd, 1976

Dear I'm-too-tired-to-address-this-right-now,

Wormtail and I pulled the most incredible prank today. After the whole Snivellus incident at the beginning of term, we've been secretly planning how to get revenge. Of course, pranking is a lot easier with Prongs and Moony, but with Remus being a Prefect and James trying to get on Lily's good side, neither of them wanted anything to do with our mischief. Like Remus likes to say, "If I didn't see it, I can't report it."

We sent him a love letter (of course, addressed from Evans, since everyone knows that the greasy haired git fancies her, Merlin knows why). Peter even faked her handwriting and everything. Anyway, the letter told Snivellus to meet Evans by the Great Lake, and when he got there, Petey and I dropped color-changing hair potion on him. So now, he's not only got the greasiest hair I've ever seen, but also the pinkest!

The best (and worst) part is that no one knows it was us. Minnie has her suspicions of course, but she can't prove anything, which means me and Wormy get out scot-free. Of course, this also means we get none of the credit. Alas, fate is a cruel mistress.

It's the day before the full moon, which means Moony couldn't sleep. He never sleeps the night before his transformation. I don't think James or Peter have noticed. I've started staying up with him, at least part way through the night, over the last few months. I'd never tell him why my sleepless nights seem to coincide with his, and he hasn't said anything yet, but I'm pretty sure he's figured it out by now. Moony's smart like that…

Harry closed his eyes and waited for the spinning sensation to cease. When he opened them and looked around, he found that he was back in the Gryffindor boy's dormitory. This time, the lights were off and the room was silent, save the soft snoring coming from the bed in the corner. Harry peered around the room, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. If everyone was asleep, why would Sirius put this memory in his diary?

Suddenly, a shadowed figure threw the blankets off of himself and crept across the room, taking care to not awaken the other boys. The figure had distinct long, black, way hair, and Harry knew he was looking at his godfather. Once he reached a bed across the room with a soft light emitting from the closed curtains, he leaned in and whispered:

"Moony, you awake?"

Harry heard a rustle come from behind the curtains and he began to tiptoe towards the bed when he remembered that this was a memory and he didn't have to be careful about waking the boys.

"Yes," a quiet voice whispered back. "And I'm performing very inappropriate activities behind these curtains." Harry could practically hear the smirk in Remus' voice.

"Really?" Even in the darkness, Harry could make out Sirius' raised eyebrow. A soft chuckle came from the bed.

"No, you perv, I'm reading." A hand pulled the curtains open, revealing an obviously exhausted Remus. His hair was disheveled and stuck out at odd angles, striking Harry as looking like he stuck his fingers in a light socket. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced than usual, and he looked far older than sixteen. "Come on in," Remus said, waving Sirius inside with his book still in hand. He scooted to the other side of his bed to make room for his friend, and Sirius clambered in. Harry followed, sitting at the foot of bed so he could observe the interaction.

"What are you reading?" Remus had placed the book face down on the bed, and Sirius had now picked it up and began to inspect it.

"Twelfth Night. By William Shakespeare." The scarred boy pointed to the cover, which detailed both the name and author of the book. Sirius frowned and flipped to a random page, obviously not actually reading it. Remus leaned back against the headboard and watched his friend.

"Didn't he write that other one with the two lovers?" He peered up at Remus, squinting as he tried to remember the name. "Ronald and Julia?" Harry snorted, but Remus merely rolled his eyes.

"Romeo and Juliet," Remus corrected. "And yeah, that was him. Why?"

"I think we read it in Muggle Studies last year." Sirius relaxed, laying down next to Remus and folding his hands behind his head, the book now abandoned on the sheets.

"What'd you think?" The taller boy turned his head slightly to look at Sirius and smiled.

"I didn't like it," Sirius stated matter-of-factly. "Everyone died."

"That's why it's called a tragedy, Pads."

"I think life is already tragic enough," Sirius remarked, shrugging. Harry moved closer to the two boys, not wanting to miss anything. "Shouldn't have to read about it too."

"That's actually a valid critique," Remus admitted.

The long haired boy shifted down so his head was resting on Remus' shoulder. Remus scooted closer so their bodies were fully touching and leaned his head against Sirius'. When Sirius' hair started to fall into his face, Remus brushed a few strands back casually, and neither boy seemed at all bothered by their closeness.

Harry narrowed his eyes at the boys. He felt like he was missing some crucial piece of information here. Him and Ron never acted this way, never sat so close together with casual touches passing between them. From what he'd seen of Sirius and James, they didn't act this way either, and they were as close as brothers according to everyone that knew them. What made Remus and Sirius different?

"So, are you ready for tomorrow night?" Sirius asked, breaking the silence and derailing Harry's train of thought. Remus tensed up at the question, but relaxed as Sirius started to trace on the back of his hand absentmindedly.

"Yes Sirius. Just like I am every time you ask," he responded, sighing. "It does happen every month."

"That doesn't make it any less terrifying," Sirius objected. Remus turned his head slightly to look at Sirius, his expression guarded. Sirius' eyes widened and he quickly continued. "It's not that! You know that's not what I meant." Remus seemed reassured and faced away from his friend. Sirius focused his attention on Remus' hand, which had now flipped so their palms were hovering together. "It's just… it's scary because…" Sirius swallowed thickly, unable to finish his sentence.

"Because?" Remus lazily intertwined his fingers with Sirius'.

"Because I never can be sure that you're going to be okay," Sirius mumbled. Remus smiled and gave the shorter boy a slight nudge in the side.

"I've ended up alright every other time, so I think I'll be fine," he reassured his friend, releasing his hand. "Besides, I always have you three to make sure I don't rough myself up too much."

"That's true." There were a few moments of quiet before Sirius lifted his head off of the scarred boy's shoulder and spoke. "Remus?"

"Mmm?" Remus tilted his face towards Sirius, blinking tiredly.

"Can I ask you a question?" A smile tugged at Remus' lips.

"Well, you're going to ask whether I say yes or no, so go ahead."

"Who are the four people you've shagged?" Remus' eyes widened comically and Harry let out a bark of laughter. Admittedly, that mystery had been puzzling Harry as well; Remus didn't seem like much of a player.

"Merlin, Padfoot. That's the question?" Remus slid down so he was laying flat on the bed while laughing. He blinked up at Sirius, who was frowning.

"You never told us!" he protested, flicking Remus' nose. The scarred boy batted his hand away and chuckled some more.

"Who are the two people you shagged?" Remus shot Sirius' question back at him, only unlike Remus, Sirius didn't hesitate to answer.

"Clarissa Clarkson and Mary MacDonald," he said casually, fiddling with a strand of Remus' hair. Harry remembered the girl from Wizard's Truth and wondered if she was the Mary Sirius was talking about.

"Clarissa…" Remus didn't seem remotely taken back by Sirius' quick response. "Was she the Hufflepuff with the bangs?" He lifted his hand and gestured towards his forehead as if pantomiming bangs.

"No, that was Alysha." Sirius shook his head. "Clarissa was the really short one."

"Oh, I liked her. She was quite nice," Remus remarked. Neither of them mentioned, or even seemed to take notice, of the fact that Sirius' fingers were now running through Remus' hair as if they had a mind of their own. "When did you…" Remus trailed off, looking up at Sirius. Luckily, Sirius seemed to understand what he was asking and nodded as he answered.

"End of last year. Clarissa was first and then Mary was at the-"

"The end of term party!" Remus cut him off, a lightbulb going off in his head. "So that's why you snuck off so early, I always wondered." A comfortable silence fell over the room for a few moments. Remus glanced up at Sirius expectantly, propping himself up on his elbows. "And?"

"And what?"

"How was it?" Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, thinking. He opened his mouth several times as if he were about to speak, but decided against it. After about the fifth time, he finally managed to say:

"Wet." Remus burst out laughing and fell back onto the bed, clutching his chest. Harry couldn't help but join in, wiping away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Sirius punched Remus in the arm, and the taller boy only proceeded to laugh harder. "Don't laugh at me!"

"I'm sorry Pads," Remus wheezed, having only barely gotten control over his breathing. He took a deep breath and continued on, his grin still intact. "But that's just… I mean, Merlin. And to think you've got the entire school convinced that you're some player."

"I am a player!" Sirius shoved Remus teasingly. "I'll have you know that I'm quite the ladies man!" He flipped his hair over his shoulder dramatically and Remus snorted.

"Whatever you say Sirius," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Sirius slumped down so he was laying by Remus' side and crossed his arms over his chest, staring at the ceiling.

"It just felt… wrong." Remus tilted his head to look at his black-haired friend. "I dunno how to describe it." Sirius shrugged.

"Maybe you were doing it wrong?" Remus teased, smirking.

"She seemed to like it." The comment didn't sound arrogant or boastful coming out of Sirius' mouth; he stated this very matter-of-factly, perhaps even sounding a bit puzzled.

"Have you ever considered that she might have been faking it?" Remus asked, eyebrow raised. He rolled over and propped himself up on his arms so he was looking down at Sirius.

"That's a thing?" Sirius' eyes went wide.

"Yes, Sirius, that's a thing."

"Oh Gods!" Sirius covered his face with his hands, groaning. "What if I'm horrible in the sack?"

"I'm sure you did fine," Remus reassured him, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder. Harry shifted, suddenly experiencing the uncomfortable feeling that this wasn't a moment he was meant to see. "Maybe neither of them were the right person?" the scarred boy suggested, his tone gentle.

"Don't tell me I'm one of those people who has to be in love to enjoy sex." Siris glowered, clearly not a fan of this concept.

"I'm afraid that may very well be the case." Remus smiled at the shorter boy before turning his attention to his hands.

"Ugh," Sirius moaned. He nodded up at Remus and raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Well, what about you?"

"What about me?" Remus asked innocently, still looking at his hands.

"Who are the four people you've shagged? That is how this conversation started," Sirius insisted. Remus sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Come on, Remus, I've already humiliated myself, it's only fair that you tell me."

"You're not going to give up until I give you an answer, are you?"

"Nope." Sirius smirked and flipped onto his side so he was facing his lanky friend. He stared relentlessly until Remus eventually gave in.

"Fine," Remus said, rolling his eyes. He folded his hands behind his head and rolled onto his back as he thought for a moment. "You'd only know one of them, the rest are Muggles," he continued apprehensively. Sirius remained silent, forcing Remus to keep speaking. "It's Patricia Alderman. She's a year above us in Ravenclaw." When Sirius showed no signs of recognizing the name, Remus added: "I think she's actually on the Quidditch team." The black haired boy pondered for a moment before his face lit up with recollection.

"Wow." Sirius let out a long whistle. "She's a catch, Remus!"

"Surprised?" He lifted a scarred eyebrow, a smile tugging at his lips.

"No, not surprised. Just impressed." Sirius rolled back so he was facing the ceiling and continued to prod. "And? Who are the others?"

"Well," Remus began, very slowly. "There was this girl over the summer. Her name was Vanessa. She was one of my friend's cousins. She had long, black hair and really big eyes. Very pretty. Very sweet."

"The other two?" Sirius asked when Remus fell silent once again.

"Just…" If Harry wasn't paying attention, he could have assumed Remus was simply thinking about his answer, completely relaxed. But he was paying attention, and he noticed that his face was too still, his breathing too controlled to be natural. His eyes drifted down to his sides, where Remus' hands had involuntarily clenched into fists. He swallowed before answering. "Some Muggles."

"Very specific." Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes. When Remus continued to remain quiet, Sirius turned to face him. His eyes flitted over Remus' face and his mouth stretched into a thin line. "What aren't you telling me?" Sirius asked cautiously, tapping his friend's shoulder.

"What?"

"You have that look like you're hiding something," Sirius explained, gesturing towards Remus' expression. "It's a very distinctive look, I'd know because you used it all of first and second year when you were hiding that you were a werewolf."

"I'm not hiding anything," Remus insisted curtly. Sirius continued to stare at him for what felt like an eon before he gasped and abruptly sat up.

"Bloody hell!" Remus quirked an eyebrow at Sirius' exclamation, awaiting an explanation. "Were the other two Slytherins? Is that why you won't tell me?"

"What?" Remus laughed, the tension leaving his body. "No."

"Alright, then were they-"

"I'm not going to tell you, Sirius," Remus said calmly, the smile still lingering on his face.

"Why not?"

"I'm not one to kiss and tell, alright?" He sat up to face Sirius.

"But you told me about the other ones," Sirius protested, placing a hand on Remus' knee. "Why can't you just-"

"Leave it, Padfoot." Remus shoved him away gently, his expression hard.

"But-" the black haired boy began, but his mouth closed when Remus met his eyes. The deep pools of amber had darkened dangerously; even Harry gulped at the sight.

"Sirius."

"Why can't you just tell me their names?" Sirius asked, exasperated. It seemed that Remus' death glare could only do so much when it came to quelling Sirius' curiosity. " What's so bad about-"

"Fine." Remus cut him off, his face still stony. He took a shaky breath, allowing himself a brief glance down before boring into Sirius' eyes. "You want names? Richard Smith and Zachariah Pendleton." His voice was so sharp, so threatening, that Harry didn't process what he'd actually said for a moment. When realization hit, Harry nearly stumbled backwards on the bed. Sirius looked equally shocked, blinking rapidly.

"But those are-"

"Boy's names. Yeah." Remus averted his eyes from Sirius and moved them to where he was absentmindedly toying with the edge of his frayed sweater.

"You've shagged a bloke," Sirius stated dumbly. "Two blokes."

"I do believe that's the jist of what I said." Remus' tone was cool and collected, but the nervous dart of his eyes betrayed him.

"So you're… gay?" To Harry's relief, Sirius didn't sound at all upset, simply baffled. He didn't think his godfather would be homophobic, but after years growing up with the Dursleys, it was hard to imagine anything else.

"No," Remus corrected. Now Harry was even more confused. Luckily, Sirius voiced his thoughts exactly in his next question.

"But you've slept with blokes."

"Yes."

"Did you not like it?"

"No, I liked it," Remus stated simply.

"Remus," Sirius began, speaking slowly. "I feel like I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure that makes you gay." At this, Remus snorted and finally raised his chin to look Sirius in the eyes.

"I'm not gay, Sirius." Both Harry and Sirius cocked their heads. Remus continued. "Yes, I like blokes, but I also like girls. I'm…" He scratched his head, thinking for a moment. "Somewhere in the middle."

"Huh."

"Does it…" Remus seemed to want to look anywhere but Sirius' face, but he forced his gaze to stay just there, watching his reaction. "Does it bother you?"

"No, not at all." Sirius drew backwards, looking slightly offended at the implication. "And anyways, in comparison to your other big secret, this one's relatively tame."

"I suppose that's true," Remus mused. "But you're sure? That you're okay with it?"

"Moony, if I didn't have an issue with you being a werewolf, did you really think I'd have an issue with you being…" Sirius paused. "Half-gay?" He looked at Remus, who shrugged. "I feel like there must be a better term for it."

"There probably is, I just don't know it."

Harry sat up, feeling the familiar pull back to reality, and squeezed his eyes shut. Soon enough, he was back in his own bed, diary in hand.

He stayed like this for a few minutes, not reading or making any effort to put the book away, just thinking. Remus never struck Harry as being anything but straight. He quickly cycled through all his memories of his former professor, trying to remember any signs of Remus fancying blokes: there were none. The only person he knew for a fact that Remus loved was Tonks, and she certainly was not a boy.

Was it possible for someone to like both girls and boys? Harry had never heard of it, but clearly, it happened. He wondered for a moment if there was a term for it, like Sirius said. He resolved that he'd probably end up asking Hermione about it; if anyone was going to know, it would be her.