For the first time since he booked the part, Beck takes a week off from the show at Christmas so he can fly back to Canada with his parents to visit family. He had been nervous about asking his director for the days off, but to his surprise the request was granted rather easily. His understudy would play his role for the six days he would be gone, and he would resume the part when he returned.
It's the first time he's seen many of his family members since they found out he was expecting a baby. It becomes quite clear to him very quickly that most of them don't have all of the details, because many of them ask why he hadn't brought his girlfriend along with him. He explains the situation to those who will understand, his cousins, a few aunts and uncles, even his grandparents. Most of them, while surprised, at least seem to understand. He doesn't bother with his great-grandmother or great-uncle though, knowing very well that in their old age the whole 'we were never together and we're still not together, but she's having my baby' thing would be very hard for them to understand.
Beck is excited that his parents hadn't told many of their relatives that the baby is a girl. He gets to tell most of them himself, and their reactions make him smile so big that his face hurts. His uncle, who has two adult daughters of his own, shares stories from when his children were young, and tells him all about the joys of being a 'girl dad'. Suddenly, Beck finds himself looking forward to things he had never even thought about before...tea parties, dress-up, and ballet recitals...and dreading certain events that he had already been worried about...driving, dating, graduation, and college. Overall, his family's excitement for him makes him even more excited himself, but that doesn't mean he isn't scared either. Ever since he had learned that Jade was pregnant, he's been nervous about becoming a father. He and his cousins are about the same age, so he was never really around babies growing up, and none of them have kids of their own yet for him to practice with. All of the books and articles that he has read have told him that no one is ever really truly 'ready' or 'prepared' to become a parent, but he still wants to do right by his daughter. Even only seeing her silhouette on the sonogram screen, he already knows he loves her more than he loves anyone else in the whole world.
"What was it like?" He asks his parents one night as they sit bedside the fire burning in the fireplace "When I was born?"
They're staying with his grandparents, his father's parents, but they've already gone to bed for the evening. Only Beck, James, and Priya are awake in the house now, and up until he spoke the only sound had been coming from the occasional spark of the wood in the fireplace and the TV in the corner.
"What do you mean?" His father asks, grabbing the remote to mute the volume on the TV
"Were you scared?" He clarifies "Like, did you have any idea what you're doing?"
"Not at all." James laughs, looking over to his wife "Nine months isn't nearly enough time to prepare yourself for something like that."
"We were scared." Priya nods "I think your father more so than I was...but we were both pretty terrified. We didn't know the first thing about taking care of a baby...but there you were...and you were depending on us to provide for you."
"Why were you more scared than she was?" Beck turns to James "I mean...you were in it together, weren't you?"
His biggest comfort in all of this so far is that he won't be doing it alone, he'll have Jade. Their daughter will have, if he does say so himself, an amazing, hard-working, and badass mother to look up to as she grows up, and he'll have the best co-parent that anyone could ask for. They really had gotten lucky that it had been each other they're going on this journey with, and not someone who would flake on them.
"Of course we were, and we still are." James assures him "But for dads, and I'm sure you can relate to this, pregnancy isn't nearly as eye-opening as it is for moms. Women have all of the symptoms, they feel the baby kicking and flipping and god knows what else inside of them for nine months and then some. Sure, we can feel them kick every once and a while, and we can see the sonogram, and we can help build the furniture and pick a name...but the real actual physical proof doesn't really come until we hear the kid cry and hold them in our arms."
"Sure yeah, I can understand that."
"And nothing can prepare you for the way that your life will change." Priya adds "You're at a bit of a disadvantage right now, not being married to Jade-"
"Ma, we've talked about this..."
"I wasn't going to nag you this time, let me finish." Priya insists "When you're married, or even in a very long term relationship, you already have some kind of an idea of what it's like to live life for someone besides yourself...at least you do if you're happily married. You're single now, so really the only person you have to be worrying about is yourself. And I know you'll try to tell me that you worry about the baby and her mom already, but not nearly to the extent that you will in a few months. That little girl is going to change your world, Beckett. She will flip it upside down and sideways, and there's nothing you can do to mentally prepare yourself for it."
"But it will be the most wonderful and rewarding change." James adds "There's no better feeling in the world than holding your kid for the first time. The first time I got to hold you, you yawned and opened your eyes...you looked right at me...and nothing else mattered. I loved you so much, and I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life loving you and protecting you. That's not to say there won't be scary or stressful times, because there will be, but I can promise you she's going to make your life so much better. You won't even remember what it was like without her."
"How'd you do it?" Jade asks her mother
"Do what, sweetheart?" Kaitlyn responds, drying a plate with a dishrag before putting it away in a cabinet
"The single-mom thing..."
"Oh." Kaitlyn seems a bit surprised by her daughter's question as she grabs the next plate "Well, that's kind of a loaded question..."
"I know it is." Jade nods, grabbing another rag out of a drawer to help dry the dishes "I know there might not really be a straightforward answer either...but..."
It's just the two of them alone in the kitchen, Chris and Tyler are in another room watching one of the dozens of college football games on TV, and Jade had decided to take the opportunity to open up to her mother...and hopefully receive some advice. Her baby would be here in about three months, and suddenly that doesn't really feel like much time at all.
"It's okay to be scared." Kaitlyn assures her "I was scared when I was pregnant with you too. Honestly, I'm still scared that I'm not doing enough for you, and you're an adult with a baby of your own."
"Mom, I-"
"Shh, every parent is scared. That's the first sign that you're actually doing something right." She tells her daughter "If you didn't love your child, you wouldn't be worried about failing them."
"You didn't answer my question..."
"Right..." Kaitlyn nods "Well, I did have your father for the first few years...and even once we weren't together anymore...I still had him there. He was very present and involved, even if he didn't live as close as I would have liked him to. But when we did break up and we were raising you together but separately...I don't know, Jade. Honestly. I couldn't tell you how I did it, I just...did. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you and your brother. There isn't a single thing I wouldn't do or give up for either one of you. When it was just you and me I just...did what I had to do to make sure that you were safe, loved, and taken care of. You'll see when your own baby is born, you'll do the same thing for her. And one day you'll stop and think to yourself 'oh, okay. this is what Mom meant'. Just watch."
That isn't really much different from the advice she's been reading in books and online. Jade knows her mother is doing the best she can to offer advice, but it isn't giving her as much peace of mind as she would have hoped.
"I thought that if I just took everything in stride and embraced the idea of being a mother...that the confidence would just come." Jade admits "But that really hasn't happened so far. I'm still just as terrified as I was the day I took the test."
"Like I said..if you're scared, you're doing something right." Kaitlyn offers her daughter a reassuring smile "And when I was pregnant with you, the thing I found to be most helpful was to focus on all of the positive aspects of the situation. You know? Like yes, I was so young...but that had it's advantages. I had the energy to keep up with you, I could relate to you a little bit better than my parents could relate to me. You were a girl, I already knew a lot about being a girl because I'm one too. Do you see what I mean?"
"Yeah...I do."
"I know that the thought of having a daughter can be a bit daunting...because well, you're afraid they're going to be a little version of yourself...and most women aren't conceited enough to consider that a good thing." Kaitlyn smirks "I saw pieces of myself in you plenty of times, every time we butted heads I walked away shaking my head because those times only made me see it more clearly, but I also saw you become your own person and grow into yourself. I don't even have the words to describe how amazing that is. That's another positive thing you can look forward to."
Jade doesn't say anything in response, but she does smile a bit. She continues to hold the dish rag in one hand and places the other on her stomach, and before long her daughter's own hand brushes against her's. It's almost like she's trying to tell her mother not to worry, that everything will be okay. After a deep breath, Jade feels a bit better.
"I can give you all of the advice in the world, but it won't matter. There is no blueprint for parenthood." Kaitlyn says quietly as she places a hand on Jade's shoulder "If there was, I promise I would give it to you. Nothing can compare to the experience of living it for yourself. All kinds of people will try to tell you what to do and how to do it but at the end of the day...no one will know what's best for your child better than you will. You're going to be a great mom, I can tell you that already."
"Thanks, Mom..."
"I wish I could crack open a bottle of wine for us right now." The older woman admits "That would most definitely make you feel better."
"Yeah, that definitely wouldn't be a good stop to take on the road to good parenting though..." Jade chuckles "Can I take a raincheck for say...three or four months from now?"
"Of course." Kaitlyn laughs "You'll probably need it more then anyways."
Jade stays in New Jersey with her mother, step-father, and brother until the 27th, then she returns to the city. She arrives back at the apartment with much more than she had left with, packages of diapers, new clothes, and other miscellaneous baby items that had been gifted to her by family members filling her suitcase to maximum capacity. As she unpacks, Jade realizes that these gifts are really the first things she's gotten to prepare for her baby girl's arrival. Beck had texted her pictures of a few items he had received from his family as well, but other than that they don't have much so far. She makes a mental note to talk to Beck about possibly going shopping soon. With the baby splitting her time between two apartments with two parents, they're going to need twice the essentials.
Cat won't be returning from visiting her family in Los Angeles until the 29th, so Jade has the apartment to herself for a few days as well. Another thing she realizes in those two days is that it's probably one of the last times she'll ever be truly alone in that environment. Soon the baby that is constantly twisting, turning, and kicking inside her will be doing all of those things and then some out in the real world. She will coo, and cry, and laugh, and many other things that will make her presence very obvious. While Jade is nervous about becoming a mom, she's also anxious to meet her daughter. She's constantly reminding herself that in less than three months, she will. That seems like an eternity and an instant at the same time.
"Baby Girl..." Jade sighs as she sits on the couch, gently rubbing the spot where she can feel her daughter's kicks "The life you're being born into is...well, it's a weird one. Your dad and I...we're not exactly a typical picture of what parents look like...and we're both a little scared by that...but I promise you that we're going to do our very best. I can also promise you that you are already so loved by so many people...myself included. I can't wait to meet you, but not until you're ready...okay? I know I hate it when people try to rush me into things, so take your time. I promise to keep you nice and safe and warm in there until then."
Her dialogue is met by another series of kicks, and that brings Jade a sense of comfort. She and her daughter already have an understanding, a connection, and that brings her just the tiniest sense of comfort.
"I know I already told you this, but...I love you." Jade says to the baby "So, so much. If you take anything away from what I just said...let it be that."
A bit of a slower chapter, I know. I figured Beck and Jade deserved a little bit of calm before the storm though, their life is about to get real interesting over the next few chapters. Thank you all to everyone who has left reviews! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! For those of you asking, Jade is about six and a half months in this chapter.