Chapter 16 Matters of the Heart
He locked eyes with Elizabeth, reading the undeniable adoration in her eyes. She looked upon him as he was some hero from a romance novel, making him want to be whatever she believed him to be.
Yet, he was far from a hero. Just a man of flesh and blood, fortunate enough to dwell in a woman's heart.
It was his turn to colour, infinitely pleased she could not read his mind and the presumptuous thoughts he harboured.
He stole another glance in her direction. She pressed her lips together, not in discontent but to withhold mirth that was threatening to bubble over from within. He had made her laugh, a stimulating sentiment that made him grin. Looking straight forward at absolutely nothing, with Elizabeth at his side...
A dainty hand touched his forearm.
"You should talk to your sister or rather listen."
"You are rather forward, Miss Elizabeth."
"Yes, it is one of my lots in life to converse too easily."
"Lots, what other failures do you perceive within yourself?"
"Well, where to begin... Too quick to judge, too prejudiced in some matters and too proud in others. I remember you confessing one night that you did not consider pride a fault when it was held under good regulation, Mr Darcy. I have not that skill and are entirely too apt at thinking well of my discernment. Particularly my none existing ability to study character, I believe that to be an occupation I should not pursue."
"People are complex, even Mr Bingley has facets not easily discerned by a new acquaintance."
"He has not as intricate a character as you though. Why did you not call the magistrate on Mrs Young? An interrogation might have made her own to stealing Georgiana's necklace at Ramsgate."
"I already knew it was she. I found the necklace at a pawnbroker and the description of the lady selling the piece fit Mrs Young. I do not like to air my affairs in public, a trial would have brought unwanted attention and the monies she earned are long gone. There would be nothing gained by putting the lady in jail. The situation for the prisoners at News Gate are horrible, disease spread easily in the cramped conditions. Besides, the necklace worth would make the theft a hanging offence. I prefer not to have the death of a gently bred lady on my conscience. I have my mother's necklace safely ensconced at Pemberley which is most important but I have taken steps to ensure Mrs Young will never work as a companion to another gently bred girl. I have notified the employment office in London about here proclivities, they have spread the word to other offices. She will not find employment in any respectable home..."
"You always manage to surprise me, Mr Darcy. There is always something new to discover."
"You have figured me out?"
"Not at all..."
What a strange thing to say when he had shared more of himself with the lady than anyone he had ever met. She put him at ease, lowered his guard until he revealed his innermost thoughts. What light did it put him in? She had seen him at his weakest moments, enraged, his usually well-regulated self in turmoil. Yet she did not seem afraid of him.
"I believe you know more than you ought.
I will take your advice though and find my sister. A conversation is long overdue."
XxX
Georgiana was not in the parlour when he returned. He went to her chamber and knocked but the maid opened and told him she had not come to her room. A sense of dread filled him. Could she have left with Wickham?
Long strides took him to the library on the floor below. There was a faint light streaming from beneath the door. Perhaps this was where she was hiding?
He strode into the room and found Georgiana sitting opposite of George Wickham, holding his hands. They jumped apart when he entered. Had they been kissing? He so did not want to go down that path and reined in his wayward thoughts. He halted awkwardly in the middle of the room.
"I would like a private conversation with my sister."
Georgiana locked eyes with Wickham as she was drawing his support against her own brother. Ridiculous...
Captain Wickham caressed her cheek and whispered something he could not catch but he rose from his seat.
"I must get back to the camp, goodnight."
With a parting glance at Georgiana, he left and Darcy felt his shoulders relax. He seated himself in the chair Wickham had just left and studied his sister. She met his gaze unflinchingly. When had she become so bold?
"I am weary, brother."
Was she now going to admit to her grave error in judgement? Was that why Elizabeth had wanted him to talk to his sister?
"I am aggrieved you do not condone my choice of husband but I am terrified you would do something to take him away from me."
"What could I do?"
"I do not know... Find a small unpaid debt and send him to the gaol or have him killed, I do not know."
"Have I ever proved myself as a violent or an unjust man, Georgiana?"
"No, but you are used to having your own way."
True, he managed an estate, he was the owner after all and expected people to do his bidding. It was natural and just.
"I love him brother, with every fibre of my being."
"But does he love you?"
"Does it matter? I love enough for both of us."
Of course, it mattered. He would not marry anyone who did not hold him in the deepest affection, would he? Had the parameter even entered his mind when he searched the ballrooms and dining rooms of town for an appropriate bride? He had to admit that it had not... A flaw he intended to rectify immediately. He wanted someone to look at him with adoration and love. He wanted to enlist those feelings that bound you to a person's heart, mind and body. Someone he felt at ease with, longed for and desired...
Darcy shuddered as a ghost had passed through his very soul. The hair on his neck stood on end, meaning something significant was hovering just outside his grasp.
He needed to focus on his sister though. Find the depth of her emotion and make sure she was not living under any misconception.
"He may have chosen you for monetary gain."
"It is our lot in life, brother. We have wealth and desirable connections. If I married a baronet, a Viscount or even a Lord, my dowry would be my main attraction. George has not once urged me to beg you for my dowry. Yet, I am willing to do so. Not to buy my husband's affections but for my own comforts. I do not relish living in a tent when the Bingley's relocate to town.
It is my inheritance, I am certain father would not have begrudged me what is rightfully mine, despite my marriage to a stewards son. Father loved George and treated him as his own son. I cannot imagine he would have minded. You were always jealous of him, I urge you to put these feelings aside and release my dowry."
When had his sister become so selfish? Could he claim to be better himself? The thought brought no relief. It was her inheritance, he had no business keeping it from her, not really. His parents or rather his father had indulged both himself and his sister too much. Giving them good principles but left them to follow them in pride and conceit.
He wanted more in his own life than what his sister asked for. He could not imagine himself to be content without love and certainly not a one-sided one. There was more to consider than wealth and connections. A partner you could bear spending your days and nights with. Someone who could hold their own through a conversation on matters beyond ribbons and lace. Someone who made him feel comfortable in her presence, someone who welcomed him, day and night...
"I can see you are considering it."
His mind was as far from Georgiana's assumption as they could possibly be. Envisioning the latter thought, he had pictured a lady he knew, someone close, beautiful, vivacious but unsuitable. He shook off the thought and concentrated on the matter at hand.
Georgiana was probably right, his father might not have objected but there was no way of knowing for certain. He had preferred George's company over his own but he had entrusted Pemberley to himself. The wise choice, he was trustworthy and quite good at managing it if he could say so himself. The coffers of Pemberley had never been fuller, he could withstand the loss of thirty thousand pounds. It could be replenished with a bride with a significant dowry or not...
"I am with child brother... You would not want your nephew or niece to grow up in a tent, would you?"
He had lost, it was no way around it. He envisioned a dirt little boy, sticking his head out of a camp tent and caved.
"I will release your dowry under certain conditions."
"All of it," his sister sounded gleeful but he let it pass.
"Yes, all of it."
"What is your conditions?"
"You must buy an estate that will give you something to live on. There should be an entail to prohibit any debts being accumulated on the estate.
The estate should be in the price range of twenty thousand, leaving some funds in the four percentage for dowries for any daughters of yours and an additional income for you. If Wickham wants to pursue a military career, I will buy him a Colonel's commission. It will yield a manageable income in addition to your savings and the estate. Lastly, I want access to you and your offspring."
"Do you have an estate in mind or location?"
"No!"
"Oh good, I would rather not be in Derbyshire."
"Why not?"
"I cannot stand the climate and the long travel to town. I would love to live by the sea. Perhaps Ramsgate or Brighton..."
"I will send a note to Wickham in the morning to negotiate the particulars and then I will go to town to have my attorney draw up the papers."
"Thank you, brother!"
Georgiana flung herself around his neck. She was not lithe but rather tall and womanly, he could withstand the impact on his person but his heart was bruised. His uncle and aunt would rage against his decision, he would be the laughing stock of the ton. He had no choice...
He stepped away from his beaming sister. She had an additional glow he surmised to be the result of her condition. His little sister would be a mother at sixteen while he, at eight and twenty, was far from begetting the heir he needed. He felt old until he remembered the perils of childbirth his sister was facing. His heart lurched painfully in his chest, she would need every comfort and costly medical attention.
"I will retire now, Georgiana. We will speak more in the morning..."
"Goodnight, Fitzwilliam."
He bowed curtly and left the music room. He trudged up the stairs with a heavy heart and continued towards the guest wing of Netherfield house where he encountered Miss Elizabeth.
She took one look at him and her hands flew to her heart, sympathy suffused her countenance, interspersed with something else.
Was he that transparent?
He should feel fortunate that it was not pity he perceived though...
He bowed and continued to his room. Elizabeth was still standing in the hallway when he closed the door. Her graceful neck bent towards the floor.
He rang for his valet and retired. Utterly spent he fell asleep to project some very vivid dreams of a future he could not have foreseen.
XxX
Captain Wickham called right after breakfast. To make sure there would be no misunderstandings, he asked his sister to join them.
His terms were agreed upon with little comments from the newlyweds. The Wickhams knew they had not much choice but to agree to his terms. As soon as they were done and his notes taken, he ordered his horse saddled and valise packed.
It would take a few days to get this affair settled. Perhaps he could meet up with Bingley and have him stay with him. There was no need for them to be alone in separate houses on the dreary evenings.
XxX
Georgiana was in an excellent mood, quite contrary to her brother's disposition the previous evening. The reason would soon be revealed.
"My brother has left for town. He is releasing my dowry, we can buy an estate!"
Georgiana's elevated mood did not rub off on Elizabeth. If Mr Darcy had left to release Georgiana's dowry, he would have no reason to come back. She had known the separation would come but not so soon...
"I am delighted for you, Georgiana."
"So am I! We are to buy an estate. I am so excited. I suggested a place near the sea, like Ramsgate or Brighton. Captain Wickham agreed because my brother is buying him a colonel's commission. He is hoping to get a position training the recruits at Brighton."
"That was generous of him."
"Yes, I knew he would come around, eventually. He does listen to reason."
"You are very fortunate in your choice of a brother. Makes me wish I had one for myself."
"But you have so many sisters, I wish I had a sister but Captain Wickham was an only child and I know not when Fitzwilliam will marry. He is so fastidious I despair of him ever finding someone good enough."
"Yes, I imagine that would be difficult. He is the very best of men, deserving the very best of females to be his partner."
" You like my brother, Elizabeth?"
"Naturally, I greatly esteem him and respect him."
That was as much as Elizabeth was ready to reveal to anyone but herself.
"That was a formal reply."
"Well, our relationship is of the formal kind. I own no particular intimacy with your brother apart from the fact that he is my friend's brother."
Elizabeth wanted to disabuse Georgiana from any matchmaking schemes. She could not bear the thought of the rejection should he come back to Netherfield and be imposed upon by his sister.
Their calm was soon interrupted by an onslaught of Bennets, coming to escort Elizabeth home. Why they were all needed to accomplish the feet was lost on Georgiana but she stood her ground, claiming they could not possibly deprive her of Elizabeth's company now that her brother had left her all alone. Miss Bingley took umbrage by that pronouncement but Georgiana paid her no mind. Miss Bingley's company was tiresome while Elizabeth was fun and that was the end of the story in her mind.
Elizabeth was in no immediate danger from Mr Collins though, as he had removed to Lucas Lodge.
XxX
"Miss Lucas to see you, Miss Elizabeth."
The Netherfield butler announced.
"Oh, send her in."
"She inquired if you might be up to a stroll in the garden, Miss Elizabeth."
"Yes, that sounds lovely. Tell her I will be with her promptly."
With Mr Darcy in town, she saw no reason not to donned the shawl Georgiana had practically forced upon her. She should have known that Charlotte would question her about it, knowing well all of Elizabeth's garments. It was soon forgotten when Charlotte revealed why she had come.
She wanted to inform Elizabeth in person that she was engaged to be married to none other than Mr Collins.
Elizabeth could not conceal her disgust and Charlotte marched off the premises with her head held high and angry red blotches on her neck.
XxX
A week passed with little to occupy her but dinners with Georgiana, Miss Bingley and the Hursts. Captain Wickham joined them when he was at liberty to do so but that meant that Georgiana was occupied elsewhere. It was time to return home. Mr Collins had left for Kent and posed no threat after he had proposed and been accepted by Charlotte.
Her mother would not be pleased but it mattered little. She was by no means her mother's favourite daughter. She would rant and rave until the disappointment had run its course. Hopefully, Mr Bingley would return to Jane and her mother would forget she had a second daughter.
Georgiana was not thrilled but neither did she protest overly much. Elizabeth longed for home, a place that did not hold any memories of Mr Darcy.
She had known the parting would be difficult but she had not been prepared for the hollowness it left inside.
Mr Bennet only quirked a brow when Elizabeth entered Longbourn a few hours later. Mrs Bennet acted exactly as predicted. With loud screeching, wailing admonishments over the prosperous situation that Elizabeth had spurned.
"I can see that Elizabeth is adequately remorseful," Mr Bennet finally added to the ruckus. He had misunderstood Elizabeth's discomposed spirits for regret. "I believe she has taken your point, Mrs Bennet. Let us have some peace before dinner."
Elizabeth looked gratefully at her father although she had born the reprimands with equilibrium.
Jane cornered her next.
"Anything new from Netherfield? Has Mr Bingley returned?"
"No! No, he has not."
"He missed our dinner engagement on Thursday."
"I am afraid that I have no news. Miss Bingley did not mention when he would return only that he was much caught up with important business."
Miss Bingley had not mentioned when Mr Bingley was expected to return but she had on numerous occasions tried to convince Georgiana to return to town with Miss Bingley. Georgiana had been adamant that she could not leave her dear Captain Wickham and that had been the end of it.
They might sojourn to town when the papers were ready to sign but other than that, she was happy to stay in Meryton, close to her beloved husband.
Longbourn was rarely a quiet place but with militia officers in town, it was a bustle of guests at tea and supper. Hardly an evening passed without one officer or another to entertain.
Elizabeth longed for the quietude of Pemberley not solely because of the owner but the many places to hide when you wanted solitude. At Longbourn there were no such nooks that no one else had not found.
XxX
Two gruelling days had passed at home when her father called her to his study. The darkly painted room with floor to ceiling bookshelves was a sanctuary were no disturbance was allowed. Elizabeth hastened to do her father's bidding. Mayhap he had an inclination to play chess, anything that could take her mind off Mr Darcy would be welcomed.
Her father was waving a letter in the air when Elizabeth entered the study.
"I have received a letter this morning that has astonished me exceedingly. I thought you should know as it involves yourself and one of your sisters. I did not know you had so lofty expectations, Lizzy but no matter. It does explain to your reluctance towards marrying Mr Collins but I had thought you were more sensible than this."
"I do not take your meaning, Sir."
"Do you not? Have you not relentlessly pursued Mr Darcy until he had to escape to town to avoid being caught in the parson's trap?"
"I have not!"
"Well, I did not believe so but I had to ask after receiving this ridiculous letter. Mr Collins writes and let me quote: I urge you to send for your daughter forthwith. She has been trespassing upon my noble patronesses relations for too long. What could be her meaning but to ingrate herself in the good graces of a young and impressionable girl in order to gain the notice of her wealthy brother? Her malicious scheme will be thwarted as he is engaged to his cousin, Miss Anne the Bourgh. The wedding is expected to be held next summer. Cousin Elizabeth is making a complete fool of herself, behaving in this manner. It will not be tolerated by the Darcys nearest relations. It has come to my notice that your second eldest daughter has taken upon herself to give unsolicited advice to Mr Darcy. Her recommendations have been unwise to the determent of his estate and his relations. I urge you to forbid any more contact between your daughter and the illustrious Mr Darcy and his sister. I have eyes and ears in Meryton. That, I believe... If you do not comply, Lady Catherine will be most seriously displeased. Rein in your daughter, Mr Bennet. It is long overdue." End quote. What do you say, Lizzy? Is it not diverting? What kind of persuasive abilities is he envisioning you possessing? He must think you are positively occult and have waved your wand over a grown man and a grown married woman."
"Yes, I suppose..."
"You are not getting missish, Lizzy? You do not seem diverted."
"I am excessively diverted." Elizabeth tried to chuckle but the strained effort died in her throat.
"What should I answer him?"
"Nothing, it is too ridiculous to deign with an answer."
"Ah, you are a lady of my choice, Lizzy. I shall not answer, perhaps he will send me another missive, equally entertaining..."
XxX
Elizabeth slept poorly and woke at dawn. If Lady Catherine had warned Mr Darcy, chances were that he would not venture back to Netherfield and if he had to, he would probably make it a hasty visit.
She bit her lip wondering, if it had been wise to go back to Longbourn when staying at Netherfield might have afforded her another short glimpse of Mr Darcy.
It was of no use, sleep was impossible and she might wake Jane with her tossing and turning. She dressed as quietly as possible and slipped down the stairs to the back door.
Her old coat hung conveniently for her picking, close to the door. It was cold outside at the beginning of December, she should have donned gloves and a bonnet but no one ventured around in the back garden at this time of year. The blooms were all withered and stood as brown ghosts from the summer. A summer spent in pleasurable pursuits.
She could even add the memories from Ramsgate. How Georgiana's marriage would unfold, no one knew but her future looked promising.
Soon she would have a home of her own and a colonel for husband. Mr Darcy would see to that.
Elizabeth stumbled on a root, she must mind where she is walking...
Without noticing it, she had walked beyond the garden and into the field that the cows used to grass in the summer. There were plenty of droppings... She veered towards the fence and climbed over it to the path that led to some of Longbourn's tenant farms. If it was in the direction of Netherfield as well, she paid it no mind until a horse and rider appeared in her vision. Flying across the field at breakneck speed was Mr Darcy. Elizabeth pulled back and watched from under the shadows of the trees.
She had gotten her wish, a last glimpse and a distant goodbye.
He took a sharp turn, Elizabeth held her breath lest the horse would slide and fall, taking his rider with him but the horse proved surefooted.
Could he have spotted her? The horse galloped in her direction. She quenched the notion to flee. If she was caught ogling him from afar, running would not redeem her.
He rode up to her and drew his horse to an abrupt halt. Was he angry with her? He looked contemplative albeit somewhat dishevelled.
He had foregone his cravat, riding in his shirt with no waistcoat. His greatcoat billowing behind him as he dismounted his horse and took a step towards her.
At first, he said nothing, just regarded her seriously. She met his gaze with honest contemplation.
Despite his vigorous ride across the field, without his gentleman armour, he looked vulnerable.
Swiftsilver stomped his hooves and Darcy let him lose to grass on the dried leftovers from summer.
It left his hands with nothing to do and they hung down his sides.
"Is something amiss?" Elizabeth found her voice first.
"Yes!"
She waited for elaboration but it was not forthcoming.
"Did you accomplish what you set out to do in town?"
"Yes, Georgiana will be appeased, I believe."
He stood regarding the slip of a girl that invaded his dreams and much of his awaken moments. Ordinary looking except for the intriguing dark eyes, soft hair and all too kissable lips if his dreams were anything to go by. How had she managed to creep under his skin and pervade his heart when he wanted nothing to do with her?
His thoughts went to their conversations. He was comfortable in her presence, that must be it, yet he wanted nothing more than to pull her close and taste those lush lips.
She was patiently regarding him with openness and a tad of mischief sparkling in her eyes.
"I see, London has robbed you of your speech, how cruel. I dearly like to speak..."
Elizabeth wry wit was putting him at ease as usual. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch. Could he settle for companionship, attraction and a soul binding connexion that could not be denied?
He took a step closer. Her eyes darkened and the mischief was replaced by something else. A deep emotion he had recognized in his own reflection lately. She needed not speak a word, he knew she loved him as he loved her. Simple, yet so complicated.
His relations had descended upon him as soon as the rumours had reached them that he was in town. He had not put up the knocker, someone in his household most likely held them abreast with his whereabouts. An unsettling thought he would have to address.
Lord Matlock had been most concerned about Georgiana. To make him understand that the battle was lost had been a loud and condescending conversation.
Claiming his prospects utterly ruined by a determined sister. The thought had not been as appalling as it would have been a year prior. The excellent match he once believed was his due, he had all but forsaken for a country maiden of questionable judgement and somewhat of a temper.
He smiled unbeknownst to himself but it was soon replaced by a frown as he remembered another of his maternal relations who had descended upon him in town, throwing ludicrous accusations.
Lady Catherine had been adamant that a Miss Bennet of Hertfordshire was trying to entrap him. She had seen to it that she was removed from his friend's estate. The thought had had the opposite effect of what his aunt had intended. The dread of not having Elizabeth had been profound and enlightening.
Lady Catherine had demanded he should not return to Netherfield but hide at Pemberley for a season or two until the debacle with his sister was replaced by another juicy scandal. The sister he must no longer acknowledge to wed her daughter next summer or possibly the next after that, if the rumours had not been quenched.
He felt utter alleviation at rejecting her suit. It may have been his mother's fondest wish for him to wed her sister's daughter while he lay in his cradle but there was no chance she would have asked him to renounce Georgiana permanently. The sought after unification of the two estates must wait for another generation. He should have addressed it sooner, proof he was by no means flawless himself.
He had waited too long to speak, the light was fading from her eyes and she stepped away from him.
"No!"
He reached for her hand to halt her escape. His mind was made up by her eyes tearing up, he could not stand it.
"You have invaded my thoughts and dreams, embedded yourself in my heart, soothed my soul, enlightened my mind. Please, do me the honour of accepting my hand?"
A sharp intake of breath and those beautiful glittering eyes turned at him, her lips parted in astonishment.
"I will."
The burden fell from his shoulders, refreshing breaths filled his lungs and happiness suffused his soul. He grinned and closed the gap between them. Finally he could touch those lips that had enticed him from the moment they puckered in vexation at a London dinner party. He let his thumb smooth over the plumpness. He gazed into the soulful eyes as he lowered his head in abandonment. Sweet torture it was, to claim those lips yet release them the next moment.
"I left Bingley in the thicket by the moat, he is waiting for the house to wake up, anxious he had have been away too long and ruined his chances with your sister."
"I doubt it. Jane has been on edge, eagerly awaiting his return. Will you come with him?"
"No, I am not appropriately attired. I will come back later to talk to your father if that is acceptable to you."
She nodded briefly before she let her hand graze his cheek.
"You are cold."
"I cannot feel it."
She smiled radiantly, warming him further.