"As you likely know the train can be incredibly dangerous and the level of quality medical care available is minimal to say the least." Amelia explained as she and Grace went on towards the exit. "So I made a suggestion to One that we create some cars that show up every so often and have trained medical staff. At first he was quite hostile to the idea, as he is to all of my ideas, but after I explained to him that more people would lower their numbers if their lives were not in peril he agreed to a test run."
The door swung open and Grace was greeted with an active hospital looking car that was staffed entirely by turtles. "So, turtles are kind of your thing huh?" she asked. Amelia rolled her eyes.
"One told me I'd have to eject all of my creations as they weren't originally a part of the train. But, since this car was created with them in mind I chose to repurpose them." Amelia explained before walking over to a turtle in a lab coat and explaining the situation. The doctor looked over at her and nodded, gesturing for Grace to come with him. Grace followed behind him.
"Alright, we are going to make a mold of your leg and fit you with a cast. I'll have my assistant come in to take the measurements and I'll be back with a cast. Take a seat here," he gestured to a chair. "And wait a moment." Grace did as he asked and sat down only to be quickly approached by his assistant. Grace would have recognized that mess of blond hair anywhere.
"Hi, Hazel." Grace said more shyly then she'd meant to. Hazel stared at her for a little before giving her a small smile.
"Hi, Grace." she responded. Grace was reminded of the conversation she'd had with Hazel in her dream and her concerns that Hazel wouldn't be okay. Looking at Hazel now, having comfortably settled into her turtle form and reading over a clipboard that Grace noted was just filled with crayon drawings, Grace decided that Hazel was okay. "How have you been?" Hazel asked as she began taking measurements of Grace's leg.
Grace couldn't bring herself to tell Hazel anything about what her life had been like since they'd become separated. It was bad enough to have so many people feeling guilty for everything that had happened. She wasn't going to bring Hazel into that guilt. "I've been fine." was the reply she settled on. Hazel looked at her seriously.
"You know Grace, it's bad to lie. And it's even worse to lie if you're bad at it." Hazel said. She didn't press Grace any further on the matter however. "I'm a helper in this car sometimes. Usually I just go wherever I want." she explained. Grace nodded thoughtfully.
"That sounds nice." Grace responded. "What I've been doing is...complicated." Grace tried to ignore the flashes of what she'd endured, the images of what she'd done, that popped up in her head. Grace started shaking and she wasn't sure why. The photo she'd brought with her fell from her pocket. Hazel picked it up and examined it before handing it back.
"You were pretty when you were younger." she said quietly. She didn't even acknowledge that Simon was in the photo. Grace felt grateful for that.
"Thank you." Grace said though she wasn't sure if she was thanking her for the picture, for the compliment, or for simply being there. Maybe it was a combination of all three. Hazel looked at her seriously.
"Grace, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Hazel asked. Grace did want to talk about it. But not with Hazel. She was so young, she shouldn't be exposed to those types of things. It quickly dawned on Grace that Hazel already had. That in the time she'd been with her Hazel had grown up much more than she should have.
"No, I'm fine." Grace responded. "It's very complicated." she added as an explanation. Hazel looked at her exasperated.
"Most things are." the doctor entered the room and dismissed Hazel. Before she left she turned to Grace. "We'll talk more later." she said in a way that was more of a statement of fact then a suggestion and Grace found it oddly comforting. The doctor fitted Grace with a cast and she quickly felt better.
"That was fairly good splint work. It's rare for one to last so long." he explained. Grace felt her stomach twist in knots. Hearing a compliment about Simon, even an unintentionally compliment made her want to vomit. She remembered how she'd gotten the splint in the first place, how she'd screamed for him not to touch her, how he'd ignored her and done it anyway. Grace felt sick again, like she was still in that moment. Maybe this was going to be her life forever, constantly going into awful flashbacks at the mere mention of Simon's existence.
Grace felt her breathing get weird again and the doctor looked at her with concern. "Is the cast too tight?" he asked. Grace shook her head, grabbed her crutches and began leaving the examination room with the intention of leaving the car. She had to get back to the Apex, she couldn't stay here and wallow in her own fears and traumatic memories. It was over, she'd ended it, so why did she still constantly feel like she was back there?
Maybe this had been Simon's grand plan all along, to torture her so badly that she killed him and then haunt her life so that she'd never truly be free of him. Everything sounded too loud and Grace couldn't remember where the car's exit was. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and she felt tears fall down her face as she realized she couldn't breathe. She didn't know what was happening to her. A panic attack maybe, but she was Grace Monroe, she didn't get panic attacks.
She should be fine, she was supposed to be fine. Killing Simon and leaving was supposed to be the end, a triumphant victory. She hadn't felt victorious then and she didn't feel it now. Right then Grace felt like she was dying and she just wanted everything to stop. Evidently her breakdown was seemingly obvious to everyone else in the car as countless people dropped what they were doing to sit her down and get her a drink of water. Grace protested that she was fine but the fact that she was not was quite obvious to the professionals.
Grace accepted that she wasn't getting out of the car for at least a while and sat there quietly staring at her hands as she did her best to try and figure out what was wrong with her. Maybe he'd done it, maybe he'd broken her. Grace didn't know what it felt like to be broken but she sure as hell didn't feel together. How was she even going to function when one thing that reminded her of what had happened set her off?
Hazel came over to her and looked at her expectantly. Too tired to try and deny the girl her answers Grace sighed defeatedly and began. "After you left I went back with Simon, he did some awful things to my memories and left me. I had an epiphany about the things I'd done wrong and went back to the Apex. When I showed up he was very mad at me and spent the next month and a half ruining my life." Grace said, choosing not to go into detail about what he'd done to her.
Hazel nodded sympathetically. Grace remembered the last conversation she'd had with him. How he'd brought up Hazel to scare her, to threaten her. "He said he saw you…" Grace began before trailing off. Hazel shook her head.
"No,I didn't see him after I went with Amelia." she responded. Simon had lied. Of course that bastard had lied. Grace reminded herself not to think ill of the dead but it was hard not to. He'd lied to her to hurt her because all he'd cared about was hurting her. And he was still hurting her even though she felt like he shouldn't have the power to anymore. The things that you experience stay with you and Grace knew that but she didn't think it was supposed to be like this.
Your experiences weren't supposed to debilitate you, to destroy your ability to do certain things. But her experiences had. Hazel broke Grace's train of thought. "I'm sorry." she said. Grace felt herself become filled with rage that Simon had done this to her, had made everyone she knew feel guilty for what they hadn't done because he refused to feel guilty for what he had done. "Hazel it's not your fault." Grace responded.
"I know. I don't regret leaving with Amelia, it was the right thing to do to protect myself. But, it doesn't mean I can't feel bad that I couldn't protect you." Hazel explained. Grace always forgot how mature Hazel was, how mature she'd been forced to become. She remembered the tiny innocent little girl who didn't even know if she was a kid that Grace had met what felt like years ago.
"Hazel, you're a kid, you shouldn't have had to protect yourself and you definitely shouldn't have had to protect me." she said softly. Hazel gave her a small, sad smile and held Grace's hand.
"You're a kid too." she said. Grace felt herself start crying again but not the same panicked, frenzied tears that she'd gotten from her memories of the past. Softer, quiet tears that Grace allowed to fall because they felt good, letting this out felt good. But despite how nice letting those feelings out felt, Grace still had to go reunite with her kids, she still had to look towards the future. Wiping her tears she got up and walked back over towards Amelia.
"You said your trackerpad can find anyone on the train, can it locate multiple targets?" she asked. Amelia nodded and handed it to her. Grace set her sights on the kids and began heading towards the exit. Surprisingly enough, Amelia joined her.
"It's a slow day." she said as justification for joining Grace's side. Hazel quickly started walking alongside them.
"Hazel, you don't have to come." Grace offered. She didn't want Hazel to feel as though she had to come along with her out of some form of guilt. Hazel crossed her arms and looked at her stubbornly.
"I told you that I go wherever I want, and I want to go with you." she replied. Grace laughed and with that the three were off, a strange group headed towards something that neither understood. Grace felt a little less broken and maybe that was a victory. Maybe every day that she woke up and didn't feel like Simon had won was a tiny little triumph. As Grace headed towards the direction of the Apex she felt victorious.