Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Chapter 16 – Experiments in Intimacy

She looks at me shyly now, seemingly guilty and repentant.

"I'm sorry I suddenly ran away earlier on… I was just so surprised. Most humans are drawn to us, yes, but once they really get close they feel that something is wrong, that some undefinable dangers lurk behind our refined appearance. There are exceptions of course. We are very attractive and lust overrides self-preservation in some, but it's unusual."

Speaking of lust…. No. Not now. Too soon.

"Maybe too much of my throat was exposed." I say with a cheeky grin, raising the collar of my shirt in an attempt to cheer her up. It works and I'm rewarded with another silver bells laugh.

"But really," I add, "I'm probably just one of those exceptions. I cannot possibly convey to you how much I crave your touch."

More laughter ensues and then we quietly stare at each other

"I want to try something, but please remain still."

She lifts one of her hands and lightly caresses my cheek.

"See, everything is fine now. This is all so new to me but it's becoming easier with every minute I spend with you."

I kiss her hand, filling my lungs with more of her sweet fragrance, and sigh.

"You can come closer then. Would you like to?" I stutter, unable to hide the intensity of my yearning.

She doesn't answer but she uses her hands to hold, lightly, both sides of my head. Then she slowly closes the distance between us until she can rest a perfectly smooth cheek against the hollow underneath my throat. Her nose nuzzles my collarbone and her hair tickles my chin as she twists around, her hands gliding along my neck and perching on my shoulders, looking for a better position. Finally she lays one ear against my chest, listening to my heart. A long, relaxed sigh issues from her lips.

"Can I hold you?" I plead, my voice uneven. I look down at her pearly cleavage; it sends shockwaves through my whole being and I feel a little dizzy, like I'm staring into a bottomless chasm.

"Please," she murmurs. I can't see her eyes but I think she closed them. Slowly, very slowly, I wrap my arms around her slender frame and hug her to me, her firm yet supple body pressed against mine, one hand caressing her hair. When my mind dwells too long on the feeling of her taut flesh molding itself to mine and the shapely bottom resting against my lap, my head empties of all thoughts and I float away on an ocean of sensations. She doesn't notice my blush when I realize how parts of my own body are reacting. I force myself to focus on less dangerous thoughts and try to drink in the beauty of the scenery.

The sky is still a limpid azure, so rare around here. Once in a while gusts of wind shake the tree branches, squirrels run along a tree's coarse bark, and the smell of the flowers seeps into my nostrils to compete with the delicious essence wafting from her perfectly smooth skin. Then I remember that one of the most powerful beings on this planet is seeking comfort in my arms and that she wants to be with me despite having to painfully rein in her natural instincts to do so. The ground trembles, only for me, when I realize that she's really all I want or need. I close my eyes and cling to her with all my strength.

We remain like that for a long time, maybe for hours. It still feels too soon when she moves away a little and turns to face me.

"Was that very difficul for you?" I ask her with hope in my heart.

"No," she says, "it wasn't difficult at all. It was really good. The thirst is always there, but other emotions are becoming stronger, overriding it, making me forget it entirely. Was it hard for you?" She asks playfully.

"No, of course not."

"You know what I mean…" Her eyes narrow suggestively.

"Cheater. You already know the answer to that question. But okay, if that's how you wanna play it…. Yes, at first it was really very hard." She breaks out into a mischievous grin I had never seen before on her. It makes her look like a kid who just plundered the cookie jar.

"I wish we didn't have to be so careful…" I finally continue. "But it was a heavenly first contact nevertheless. Your thirst is a bigger issue. I don't want you to suffer because of me."

"Hush. Don't say that. It's not your fault I am who I am. You take everything so well and you trust me so completely. I couldn't ask for more. Your unconditional acceptance is everything I've been dreaming of for the last few weeks. They felt like a very long time, even to me, endless maybe. Here," she takes one of her hands and brings it up to her face. "Can you feel how warm my cheek is?"

And she's right, it is warmer than usual. I am more concerned with finally being able to touch her stunning features. I enjoy every second, and my fingers tingle with the anticipation of more to come.

"Don't move." I whisper. She becomes utterly immobile and I tenderly caress the contours of her cheek, before tucking some of her wild hair behind one of her ears and running my fingers along her jaw and then her neck. She closes her eyes and moans softly. I touch her lips with a fingertip. They part languidly. Her tongue pokes out and searches for my skin. My heart stutters and then restarts in double time, drawing a worried glance, and I withdraw my hand and pull away before things get out of hand.

She looks at me for a long time, a different kind of hunger in her eyes, a hunger that resonates with some unknown region of my body. Butterfly wings stroke the walls of forgotten chambers. Blood rushes through my veins. An unearthly tune stirs in my sinews.

"I have lived a long time," She tells me in a melodious but hesitant voice, "and yet I can't really find the right words to describe how I feel right now. I wish you could comprehend the complexity, the confusion… all swirling in my mind, in my limbs, along my skin… even in my bones. I wish you could understand me…."

"Tell me…" I say in a voice husky with my own unfathomable complexities.

"I don't know that I can. I've read so many books, watched so many movies…. And yet language deserts me now. I told you about my physical hunger. You might not be fully aware of what our converstaion implied, since you are not addicted to illegal substances. However, intellectually you understand the concept of addiction. But that was just an analogy. Even long before I met you I had to feed to survive and my metabolism requires blood. Humans can't go without food either, so I'm sure you understand that easily enough. But now, there are new wants… And needs…. Also uncertainties, and fears…."

"As a human, I'm afraid I'm all too familiar with those feelings, Lynn. I think I understand them better than you think…. They're the probably like ones that are scattering my thoughts and rearranging my internal organs in new configurations every time you dazzle me."

"Is it always like this then, to be human?"

"For me? No, never, I never felt anything like it, that's for sure. I can guess what those hungers are based on everything I learned, what friends or my parents told me, my normal upbringing, but I think I feel the same confusion you do because I never actually experienced anything this powerful, anything so earth-shattering and life-changing…."

I stop talking and just look at her for a moment. I contemplate her cute little upturned nose, the liquid, golden depths of her eyes, the waves of bronze hair streaming over her shoulders. I know I'm looking at perfect a being, and yet she wants me… No. She needs me. My heart swells with pride and burgeoning confidence.

"Can you guess what I'd like to try now, since this is a day for experiments in intimacy?" I try to sound casual, but I doubt I'm pulling it off. She can probably hear my heart rate is now playing a frantic punk rock number. She peeks at me through her long eyelashes, her eyes piercing, and then her mouth twists into an impish smile

"Yes. I think it's the same thing I'd like to try…. Please, don't move a muscle." She demands, urgency in her voice. I swallow, and nod.

Tentative, she softly places her hands on both sides of my head again and starts inching nearer. She doesn't hesitate like a human would, to gauge their partner's reaction or to prolong the wait and heighten the pleasure…. She looks like she's testing her resolve instead, her self-control. Maybe it's a good thing, considering what happened to Tyler's unfortunate van.

The space between us shrinks, our eyes close, my breathing becomes ragged. When our lips finally touch and I feel her taut softness I am overwhelmed with desire and my blood sings and courses through my veins. I run one of my hands through her hair and pull her in tighter, my lips mashing harder against hers, exploring them, wanting our bodies to become one, my uncontrollable passion clouding my mind with a desperate need to extinguish the fires scorching my very essence, threatening to consume me to my core. At first she responds with the same ardor, but soon, too soon, she slowly, but inexorably, pushes me back a couple of inches. My blush feels like a volcanic eruption.

"Brandon…."

"Lynn, I'm so sorry." I feel mortified.

"No, I understand, believe me," she says imploringly. "It's just that I cannot let my instincts take over. Not yet. It's dangerous. Aside from the thirst, you know the scope of my physical strength. I need more time to learn how to be close to you. I want it so much, so badly, but I have to remain cool and collected until I grow accustomed to all this….. At least now I know I'm stronger than I thought."

"Yeah, right. On the other hand, I'm just as weak as I imagined." I hang my head, but she gently makes me lift it again. Her eyes are sympathetic.

"Can we just cuddle again?"

"Okay." I know we'll try again, and cuddling is good too. I shift position a little and her head leans against my chest. I hold her lithe, toned body and a few more strands of time lose meaning. Only when I realize the sun is starting to sink beneath the trees I heave a forlorn sigh.

"We need to go right?"

"My father will be worried if he doesn't see me at dinner. And I will need to eat as well. I only brought lunch in my pack."

"Okay. It will get dark soon here in the woods. Time flies, as always. But I can speed up our return. Let me carry you. We will go much faster."

She stands up and pulls me to my feet.

"Well, okay, I suppose, if you really want to, and as long as nobody sees us…. Having a girlfriend that belongs to a superior species is something else…." I give her a crafty smile. After another laugh, she looks at me askance.

"So I'm your girlfriend? And you're my boyfriend…?"

I stroke my chin, pondering her question for a few seconds. The brief wait is very frustrating for her. A v-shaped frown nestles between her eyebrows.

"Those words don't seem to be enough, I know, but they're the ones people will use."

"We know better." Her words are true. We exchange complicit glances, and giggle a little.

"The sun is about to set. I was thinking we could take a little detour before we go back. We have the time to make it to a nice viewpoint if you won't be scared of how fast I can run….."

"I trust your vampire-senses." I reply with a careless shrug.

She points at the closest peak, barely visible above the forest, the top craggy and treeless. It's an isolated vanguard of the Olympic Range.

"Are you sure it won't take long? It looks a little far…"

"It's closer than it looks. I can take us there in fifteen minutes."

"What are we waiting for then?"

"Nothing. Let's go, Sir Knight. I shall be your steed."

I roll my eyes, gather my stuff and then become her backpack, my arms wrapped around her shoulders and neck while she holds my knees up with her hands, and we are off. She is fast, despite my weight. She's quick and strong, and she can read minds. I wonder if there is anything she can't do. The trees rush by, blurred into an amorphous green curtain. We make it to our destination just as the sun is about to set.

"That was fun." I say when she puts me down on the rugged ground. "I know you keep denying it, but you vampires are great."

She huffs at that, but can't hide her joy.

"I always loved running, but even that is a lot more fun if you're with me…" She says, happy but a little incredulous.

We hold hands and look at the view. An irregular ridge of hillocks swaddled in thick woods stretches below us, rushing to meet more imposing mountains capped with snow farther away. Beyond it, ahead of us, the red disk of the sun is sinking in the waters of the Pacific, bloodying the horizon. The cloudless blue sky gradually darkens in concert. A flock of birds in v-formation glides north on thermals only they can feel, their squawks feeble and distant. I hear a rustle below us, and a bald eagle spreads its golden wings to gracefully soar above the thick vegetation before veering toward the shore. My thoughts become suffused with a mood akin to sadness, or even melancholy, but oddly pleasurable. I'm about to talk, but before my first word is fully formed I feel her whole body stiffen.

"Lynn, what's wrong?"

"I think I sensed… something." She tensely scans the whole area, performing a full three-sixty, and eventually peers through the dusk, north of our position, searching, probing, trying to zero in on the source of whatever attracted her attention.

"Something like what?"

"Voices in my head; the minds of passing strangers."

Her hand relaxes in mine, her body slumps a little.

"It's gone now. They're gone. Out of range." She looks relieved.

"Why is that a problem? Maybe it was some hikers, or some nature enthusiasts planning to camp in the area….:"

"No Brandon. I don't think so. I can't be certain, because of how far they were, but I think they were vampires. Their thoughts have a different texture, for want of better terms, from humans."

"Maybe members of your family?"

"No, I'm sure of that. Some strangers. Individual minds have a somewhat unique flavor, or signature, and I would recognize them immediately if they were familiar to me. I'll need to talk to Alice and Carlisle about this." She shakes her head and looks worried for an instant, but soon she becomes serene again.

"Brandon, you were about to say something, before I interrupted you…."

I refocus on my previous train of thought, pushing aside worries concerning the mysterious strangers whose presence she felt.

"I was thinking of the words of a song I've been trying to write… It goes like: the hour grows late, another day is coming to an end; soon the lingering afterglow will turn into the velvet darkness of the night."

Lynn looks at me quizzically, evidently unclear on where that all came from or where I'm going with this.

"Unlike you, or at least on a different scale, I know that my hours on this beautiful planet are finite." I add, holding on to her hand, watching the sun's last gasp reflected in her eyes.

"It makes me sad, but also happy, because it reminds me of the fleeting beauty, and frailty, of our lives, and because I can share this precious moment, this sunset that won't quite be the same tomorrow or any other day, with you…."

She sidles closer to me, and then turns to lean against my chest, my arms instinctively holding her. Her ear seeks her favorite spot and listens to my heart. She doesn't say anything but she doesn't need to.

"Lynn," I mumble, "we talked about your thirst, which concerns me but doesn't scare me, but I never told you about the one thing that truly terrifies me. Something that makes death look like a picnic at the beach." My tone of voice is neutral despite the cold fingers of dread now clutching at my innards, steely claws cutting through soft tissues like butter.

"What would that be? The vampires I felt in the vicinity? They could be dangerous, that's true…" She asks with a frown.

I slowly bring one of my hands up to part her hair and run my fingers along her neck before timidly rubbing her earlobe. She looks at me quizzically.

"No Lynn. I fear something much worse than other members of your kind… I'm only scared that you might leave me, that you might vanish into thin air and never come back to me. My body can only die once, but life without you would feel like a thousand merciless, gruesome executions." I blink repeatedly, desperately trying to hold back the tears I feel welling up inside me. Only her comforting presence allows me to succeed.

"I won't." She whispers. "I promise." She inches backward, looking up at me. The last rays of the sun glint in the honey hues of her eyes.

"Please don't attack me this time…."

She winks and then our lips connect and a world of sensations engulfs me as clocks melt in the heat and stars spin out of their orbits, lost in the cosmic void. Cherry blossoms fall around me like snow and a silent fire chews up the gloom behind my eyelids; I come out of that kiss like a pearl diver shooting back to the surface of a boiling sea, gasping for air. Lynn, confused, shakes her head.

"Brandon, this time you almost fainted on me. What am I going to do with you?" Her expression hovers between mad and entertained, undecided.

"I also need to get used to being with you, Lynn. At times you have another super power: you put my brains through a blender. It doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it; I loved it and you should take my dizzy spell as a compliment. Wasn't it good for you?"

She pretend-scowls and extends an arm toward me. Fingers skate along my neck and shoulder blades, sparking chills that ricochet down my spine and careen into my legs and arms. When the last ripples fade and my body's quaking subsides, I grumble something else.

"You are good at this too, aren't you?"

"Good at what?" She asks, genuinely puzzled.

"Being human, and being with other humans."

Wind chimes peal.

"I learn quickly." She whispers, looking at me with a gaze that could melt icebergs.

A soft breeze ruffles her hair. Her right hand strokes my cheek. I hold on to her wrist and kiss her fingers. The dreamy colors of the twilight have gathered and deepened all around us.