Welcome baaack all you lovely people :) You made it to Saturday! This chapter is all feel-good, then we start to somber up again in the following chapters, so enjoy the fluff while you can!
No TW!
Have fun and stay safe ❤️️ 💛💚💙💜
Chapter Sixteen: Solanum Lycopersicum
Tony and Peter stare each other down, the former unsure of what to say and the latter smugly awaiting a response. Peter is currently bundled from head-to-toe in blankets, which Tony piled on him despite saying that he felt much better after almost freezing himself into a coma. Tony, on the other hand, is much less comfortable. Sure, he's sitting on his particularly comfy couch next to the kid, but that pales in comparison to what just came out of Peter's mouth.
"Excuse me?" he questions in utter bewilderment. Peter tilts his head as if not understanding why Tony is confused.
"You say stuff like 'Muhammad must go to the mountain' and you don't understand this?" the teen points out. Obviously he's more amused by the matter than Tony, who's eyebrows come together even more in confusion.
"At least people say that. I guarantee that no one else says your weird ass saying." He crosses his arms and leans back into the couch.
"I say it!" Ned happily exclaims from across the room. His hands are almost pressed up against the glass as he stares out the giant floor-to-ceiling windows at the world below. It's amazing how sixty some-odd floors can cause such awe and fascination. Tony easily waves him off.
"Inside jokes don't count as sayings," he dismisses.
"It's not an inside joke," Peter defends, "it's just a fact. You say 'tomato,' I say 'solanum lycopersicum.' Simple. Gosh, Mr. Stark, you call yourself a genius?" His lighthearted chiding causes Tony's eyes to narrow, almost as if debating whether or not to be baited. Of course, it's Tony, so there's no way he's backing down from a challenge.
"How many times do I have to disown you? Is anyone keeping track?" he inquires of the room rhetorically, but still gets a response.
"MJ probably is," Ned cuts in. "She usually keeps track of that kind of stuff. I'll let her know to add one more." Tony holds back an eyeroll and instead settles for rubbing a hand down his face in exasperation.
"Why?" he settles on a general question, unsure of what else to ask. It feels like more of an existential question than anything else. Peter smiles triumphantly and opens his mouth for another sarcastic comment when F.R.I.D.A.Y. beats him to it.
"Well, when life gives you lemons." Following her reference, an upbeat tune plays. Ned hides his face as he snickers off to the side.
"I can't believe she still does that. It's awesome," he says between chuckles.
"Mhm, 'awesome,'" Tony sarcastically agrees.
"Yeah, Mr. Stark," Peter piles on. "You make citrus limon juice. Duh." Both Ned and Tony stare back at him in various degrees of confusion. Tony opens his mouth before shutting it again.
"Is…that seriously the sciency name for lemons?" Ned asks with his forehead furrowed. Actually, he looks oddly perplexed and concerned considering the topic.
"Yep," Peter pops the "p," looking anything but surprised. "I was disappointed when I found out too." At this point, Tony is seriously considering the possibility of him being stuck in an alternate, weirder reality.
"Okay, I brought tea," May suddenly announces as she comes bursting out of the kitchen with various things in her arms. She practically shoves the steaming mug into Peter's unexpecting hands. "And I have this. We need to get your core temperature up," she informs before placing a warm washcloth on his forehead. While she does so, she checks on his bruised forehead.
"May," Peter whines, "I'm fine." He adjusts the cloth, his lips pursed. Both Tony and Ned look on amusedly while May fusses over her nephew.
"Ah ah,"she shuts him down.
"But-"
"Nope."
"I just-"
"Uh uh."
"It's not-"
"Mhm." After being interrupted multiple times, he finally gives up with a pout and she's able to take his pulse as well as respiratory rate. Next, she puts a thermometer in his mouth and waits. With the disgruntled pout on his face, thermometer sticking out to one side, wavy hair, and flushed cheeks, the teen looks all around adorable. All that cuteness really puts a damper on his glare when he notices Tony's entertained expression.
"Hey, Fri, mind taking a few pictures for sentimentality's sake?" he asks with a blatant smirk. Peter's face gets even more red.
"You can't do that! F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s on my si-"
"No talking, young man," May lightly reprimands, eyeing the thermometer.
"Yeah, young man. No talking," Tony sasses back. In an instant, May turns her scolding eye on him.
"And no instigating, Stark." At that, it's Peter's turn to smirk, but Tony maintains his confidence.
"Fri?" he prompts.
"Sure thing, Boss. Picture obtained," the offending UI confirms with an obviously playful undertone. Ned's jaw drops in surprise and Peter's eyes widen.
"I can feel the betrayal," Ned whispers. Before Peter can even think of a retort, F.R.I.D.A.Y. continues.
"I'll simply add it to your folder titled Spidey Tot," she assures while feigning innocence. Tony nearly chokes out of pure shock and Peter attempts to process what he just heard. The first to react is Ned, who bursts out laughing with a wide grin across his face.
"That's, that's the best thing I've ever heard! I'm never going to let you forget this! I can't wait to tell MJ!" he gasps out between laughs. May puts her hands on her hips and raises a questioning eyebrow.
"I…don't know whether to feel embarrassed or make fun of you…" Peter says slowly, his eyes narrowed. May, however, smiles slyly before saying,
"Send me that file." Tony snorts when Peter's face shifts back to shock. Of course May expertly catches the thermometer as it falls from his agape mouth.
"Whose side are you on?!" Peter demands in an involuntarily high-pitched voice, but he's ignored.
"You got it," Tony guarantees. He and May first bump, causing Peter to groan.
"Oh my god you guys are so cringy it hurts." Peter leans back onto the couch and lets his head fall back.
"I leave for a few days and find you two working together for once." All their heads turn to see Pepper walking into the room, dressed as professionally as always. "Are you picking on Peter again?" she asks Tony, raising an amused eyebrow. Peter butts in before he can reply.
"Yes he is and you should totally be on my side 'cause with Ned we'll outnumber them." There are all but stars in Ned's eyes at the idea of the fantastic Pepper Potts being on his team! The only one not caught up in the mock argument is, oddly enough, Tony. If Pepper is home already, then they either reached a quick agreement…or Ross sent her back. He shoots her a discreet, concerned look, but she smiles warmly at him as Peter and Ned try to convince her to be on their side. He knows that look well and can almost hear her saying, Don't worry. We'll talk about it later. As always, he trusts her.
"Alright, lay off you two," May decidedly intervenes with a smile. After making the teens give Pepper some personal space, she hugs her friend. "How was the outside world?"
"Nothing quite beats the excitement of New York," Pepper answers honestly. Happy comes trailing out of the elevator with a few bags in hand.
"No one help or anything," he grumbles, already running low on his ever thinning patience. Peter's expression brightens.
"I can help, Happy!" As soon as he tries to get up, Tony makes him sit back again.
"Nope. Injured sixteen year olds don't get to help. Nice try," Tony firmly states. He isn't one for enforcing many rules, unless it comes to Peter's health.
"Awe c'mon," Peter complains. Seeing that he won't win this battle, he crosses his arms with a huff.
"Injured, huh?" Pepper prompts with a knowing smile. Peter sinks further
"Here, Happy, I'll help out," May warmly offers. Ned also grabs a bad to lighten the load and the four of them take them towards the bedroom.
"Thank you," Happy says pointedly at Tony, who only shrugs.
"What can I say," he pats Peter's shoulder, "my hands are full with this kid. But do you guys want anything? We have water, juice, La Croix, mil-"
"Ew, gross," Peter cuts in. "La Croix is like, like tasting tv static while someone yells some flavor from the other room." His nose crinkles in disgust and sips his herbal tea instead. Tony stares at him, eyes narrowed and brow wrinkled. The amount of times he's left speechless by this kid should be illegal.
"He's saying there's too much carbonation and not enough flavor," Ned expertly translates when he walks back into the room, the others not too far behind. Peter beams at his best friend's interpretation and gets comfortable in the surrounding blankets again.
"Right. Of course. Must've slipped my mind. Looks like my next project is a Peter Parker translator," Tony notes sarcastically.
"Um, there's two fully functional ones right there," Peter counters, gesturing to Ned and May, who rejoin the conversation. Ned waves enthusiastically while May chuckles.
"I'm not as fluent as May, but I make it work," Ned admits as he plops onto the cushion next to Peter. In contrast, May leans against the back of the couch, lovingly running her fingers through Peter's damp curls to untangle them.
"So," Pepper stands next to Tony, "seems like I missed a lot. I saw a certain vigilante on the news Monday, but what got you into this?" She looks Peter up and down, referencing the blanket burrito that he's currently enveloped in. Peter smiles sheepishly and seems to hide behind his mug.
"He decided to take a nosedive off Verrazzano-Narrows," Tony responds for him. Pepper's eyes widen minutely and Happy pins him with a shocked expression.
"I picked you up from the boardwalk three days ago and you go jump off a bridge?" Happy questions, his eyebrows raised expectantly.
"I didn't just jump off a bridge." Every single person stares at Peter in silence. "Okay, yeah, I jumped off a bridge but I thought I was gonna, y'know, swing away!" he explains as if it's logical.
"He's sensitive to the cold. It's a spider-related weakness," May expertly relays. Appearing even more stressed than before, Happy rubs his forehead.
"My heart is going to give out," he mutters.
"I figured something out about Scorpion, though." The room sombers a bit along with Peter's voice. "Well, Karen and I did."
"Woah…am I about to be part of a super secret superhero meeting?!" Ned whispers excitedly, eyes flitting between everyone.
"Floor's yours, kid," Tony eagerly prompts. Any information is good information at this point.
"Karen scanned Scorpion again and she found nonstop cell division." Peter starts off, especially piquing May's interest.
"As in cancer?" she clarifies solemnly. The lingering humor in the space dissipates with Peter's nod. They process the information and Tony particularly has his eyebrows drawn. He looks down and places a hand over his mouth in deep thought.
"What does that mean for us?" Happy asks cautiously. "Does that have to do with his powers or was being a villain on his bucket list?" May shoots him an exasperated look, causing him to hold his hands out with innocent confusion.
"I think it has to do with what they did to him. Or what they let him do. I'm not sure yet." Peter still doesn't have all the puzzle pieces, but he at least feels like he has the edges lined up.
"They?" Pepper tilts her head, her bangs falling to the side.
"I…don't like the sound of that," Happy admits skeptically.
"Dr. Stillwell," Peter divulges. "That's the only name we have so far." He goes through everything in his head and mentally sorts the most important facts.
"What's your theory?" Tony implores. It's hard to miss the way Peter's gears turn when he's coming up with a hypothesis. And, usually, his hypotheses are dead on.
"His cells are multiplying like crazy, right?" Peter sets his mug down and sits up straighter. "So those cells are the ones that are mutated. They don't have the same cell markers for the body to recognize." May looks down thoughtfully.
"It's the same as what happens with transplant patients." She glances between everyone, searching for the same realization. The only one that seems to latch onto her understanding is Peter.
"Exactly!" he exclaims. Silence ensues.
"Let's pretend for a hot second that we don't get what you're saying in the slightest," Tony intervenes sarcastically. Both Happy and Ned nod in agreement looking like deer caught in headlights. Pepper presses her lips together to hide her smile and lowers her head.
"I thought you knew everything," May playfully chastises, earning her a halfhearted glare. Regardless, Peter picks up where she left off.
"Organ transplant patients need to take immunosuppressants for the rest of their lives. Their bodies try to attack the transplanted organ 'cause the cells aren't the same and the body doesn't recognize them." He pauses to make sure everyone's still with him. "Scorpion's body doesn't recognize the mutated scorpion cells, so his body is trying to get rid of them…but the mutated cells are adapting. They're dividing super fast to not be taken out by the immune system."
"That's what they were trying to figure out!" Ned suddenly catches on as he remembers the documents. "They were trying to use that Michaelis-Menten equation to stop the cells since they're acting like tumors!" He beams proudly for contributing to the epiphanies.
"He's having a complete mental break and he has cells that act like cancer?" Happy restates. Mostly he's just trying to keep up with the conversation, but he also can't help feeling bad for the guy. Somewhat. "That sucks." Tony clasps his hands together loudly, startling the majority of them, then rubs them together.
"Well, the bigger they are," Tony begins, staring out the window at the world below. May glances to Pepper questioningly, who casually shrugs her shoulders. She's used to Tony's antics at this point.
"…The harder they fall?" Peter reluctantly finishes for him. Tony looks back to the group and his eyes land on the kid.
"No, the harder they kick your ass."
"Tony!" Pepper instantly reprimands. Ned laughs hysterically, not even trying to hold it back, despite Peter's narrowed eyes.
"Hey, I'm just speaking from experience," Tony innocently defends. "But that's why we'll need a plan. A damn good one at that."
"You guys really suck at sayings," Ned says between catching his breath.
"Don't group me in with the tomato lover," Tony teases with a smirk aimed at Peter. Surprisingly, Peter mirrors it.
"Says the olive lover," he fires back.
"I don't get paid enough for this," Happy mutters during the stillness. Tony eyes Peter carefully, considering whether or not to continue the bantering.
"Speaking of which, time for a lunch break. Pizza anyone? Can't plot on an empty stomach." He decidedly looks around the room for confirmation even though they know he's already made up his mind. Pepper stares him down without remorse.
"As long as you aren't making it. You aren't allowed in the kitchen unsupervised," she reminds, but Tony's ego doesn't take any damage.
"I'm a fantastic cook," he retorts confidently. Of course, as if the universe were against him, everyone latches onto the obviously false statement.
"You and Dr. Banner set pizzas on fire," Peter says first.
"You tried cooking pancakes in the microwave," Happy adds pointedly. Tony tries to interject, but is cut off by May.
"You melted my blender in the oven." She might still be bitter about that, but in her defense it was a really nice blender.
"You shouldn't have stored it in there," Tony is quick to retort. "And it helped me figure out what to get you for Hanukkah." He smiles as triumphantly as always.
"You tried making hard boiled eggs and they ended up exploding all over the kitchen," Pepper continues for them. Much to Tony's dismay, she most likely has more of his kitchen horror stories than he could count.
"How was I supposed to kno-"
"You tried lighting the stove with your repulsor," F.R.I.D.A.Y. chimes in. The room stills. All eyes are on Tony, who stares up in betrayal.
"I thought we agreed to keep that between us, Fri," he points out with an overly sweet tone through clenched teeth.
"My apologies, Boss. I thought we were sharing." Her tone matches his a tad too well. There's even a hint of smugness. Tony makes the mistake of glancing at Pepper. He doesn't know what he was expecting, but what he sees is Pepper with an unimpressed look and her arms crossed. There it is again, that we'll-talk-about-it-later expression.
"Oooo, someone's in trouble," Peter says in a sing-song voice with a grin. As Happy snickers and May lightly bats her nephew on the shoulder, Tony shoots him a glare.
"Mhm, alright, fine. I may not be the greatest cook but I'd like to see any of you try to learn quantum mechanics overnight," Tony points out, moving towards the kitchen despite their conversation topic.
"I don't have any bad cooking inside jokes," Ned joins in, following Tony with his eyes, "but I think you're cool." Tony points at him in appreciation and says,
"Finally, a fellow genius," before disappearing into the kitchen. Ned makes a quiet, high-pitched noise and whips around to face Peter.
"Peter, Peter, he called me a genius!" he whispers with hardly contained enthusiasm.
"I heard, Ned." Peter nods in support, then pulls out his phone. May starts talking to Pepper and Happy, something about Tony's impenetrable ego, while Peter speedials one of his favorite numbers.
"No way, you're calling him, like, right now?" Ned asks in a hushed tone. Peter smiles mischieviously and nods, then puts it on speaker.
"Hello, thank you for calling pizza delivery. How can I help you?" a polite voice rings out, causing the room to quiet down. Tony slowly peaks his head out of the kitchen, caution adorning his face.
"Hey, can I get three medium pizzas, please? One cheese, one combo, and one with solanum lycopersicum and ananas comosus on it," Peter replies without missing a beat. May covers her smile with her hand, but her eyes give it away. They watch the scene unfold, but Tony doesn't try to hold back his overconfident scoff.
"Yeah right. He doesn't know what that-"
"Sure thing, Peter. Anything else?" the pizza man asks. Ned and May knew this was coming, having seen it before, but still struggle to hold back their laughter. Happy simply basks in the glory of Tony finally getting a taste of his own medicine. It only took a few decades.
"Actually, yeah. Could you add some Olea europaea for Mr. Stark?" Peter is visibly self-satisfied with his jab, which immediately raises red flags for Tony.
"Nope. Nuh uh. Nice try kid, but whatever that is, you keep it off my pizza," he hastily defends. Pizza is serious business and should be taken seriously at all times. It's practically law.
"If you say so," Peter says as if he's already won. That isn't necessarily the best sign. He turns his attention back to the call. "I think we're good. We're at the Penthouse today. Thanks, Dave."
"No problem, man. Have a good one." With that, the line goes silent and Peter leans comfortably back into the couch with his hands behind his head.
"That's my boy," May says more to herself than anyone else and affectionately ruffles his hair.
"Look who got put in their place," Happy casually points out. It's all in good fun as it always is, but it's nice to see Tony on the receiving end.
"What did you try to add?" Tony questions warily, joining them again. Peter tilts his head back to look at Tony upside down.
"Olives. But you said you didn't want it so…" he responds without any guilt.
"You're lucky I'm already too invested in this mentor-mentee relationship to quit now," Tony teases despite them all being aware of why he really does it.
"I'm great and you know it," Peter happily counters.
"Yeah yeah, you're a gift and a curse. Right now you're a curse." Tony lightly pushes Peter's shoulder without looking at him. The action comes off as nonchalant, but they all know him better than that. It's his way of showing affection even when it isn't his strong suit. Sometimes, the little things add up.
Phewww get ready for a bit of feels next chapter, I expand a bit on MJs life :)
Peter: i'm glad you got to spend time with him :)
MJ: Yeah, it was a nice change of pace.
MJ: Doesn't happen enough.
Peter: i'm sorry
Peter: do you want to talk about it?
MJ: It's tough sometimes. I just miss him.
Thank you for reading! ❤️️ 💛💚💙💜
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