Hey everyone, just want to thank you all for reading and to Chelsietx for taking time to leave a review on chapter 11. I really appreciate it, thank you. Now, this is the last chapter for To Have and To Hold I'm afraid, but thank you to you all for following the second part of this Clarisse and Joseph journey. I hope you all enjoyed it?
And special thanks to my amazing superstar friend RhondaStar for helping me once again with this chapter, I really really appreciate it.
Anyhoo, here's the last chapter for you all now :) enjoy.
To Have and To Hold - Part 2.
"No I didn't, but I nearly did," Clarisse said as she looked back at her glass still resting on her thigh. "It all happened so quickly that I got completely caught up in the moment, one minute we were kissing and the next I was letting him carry me to bed." She inhaled deeply, the memory of the moment making her heart quicken, that deep swirl in the centre of her belly that only seemed to occur when she thought of him. "And then I came to my senses, I realised what was happening and put a stop it."
Sabrina bit down on her lip, swirling the wine in her glass and deliberately looking away from her friend.
"What?" Clarisse asked, taking on board the expression. "Just come out with it, whatever it is."
"Nothing bad, just that," she shrugged, "I think maybe I knew that was going to happen, I saw it in your eyes, I saw how you were together," Sabrina said with a shake of her head. "I should never have let him walk you back to your suite last night."
"It's hardly your fault," she said. "But the thing is, part of me wanted it to happen. I even asked him if he had protection!" Clarisse said as she stared across the room before looking back at her friend.
"Oh goodness, Clarisse," Sabrina said softly; and then she laughed, because she couldn't help it.
"I know, but I couldn't help myself!" She smothered her laughter, "Stop it, this is serious."
"I know, but come on, you asked for protection. That's so you! To be organised and plan ahead." Sabrina smirked.
"Oh stop it!" She giggled though. "It was…intense." She breathed, more serious now, slightly embarrassed as she glanced away and reflected on it all; Sabrina was the only one she could share it with, the only one she trusted enough. "I loved how his hands felt on me, how he made my body tingle as he gathered up the skirt of my dress…"
"And…" Sabrina smiled, "don't leave me hanging, fill in the details."
She covered her face, blushing, "I thought I was going to die when his hands held my bottom and lifted me off my feet. Like some silly fantasy. I've craved that kind of attention…" She sighed, "Rupert and I… well…" She felt angry with herself, but helpless, as if she couldn't escape it. "And yet, the moment I felt Joseph's body on mine on the bed I thought about how faithful Rupert has been to me since we were married and I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't do it to him, to my sons."
"I take it that's what he wanted to speak to you about in the restaurant," Sabrina asked and watched as Clarisse nodded.
"He wanted to apologise for his behaviour, but I told him that we were both to blame because I had kissed him back." Clarisse said and took a sip of her wine. "So I apologised too."
"Makes sense," Sabrina said softly, because she was always ready to offer sympathy, support, to her friend. "What are you going to do? Is he still returning to work at the palace?" She asked.
"Well at the moment, yes," Clarisse nodded, though her voice was shaky.
"Are you sure that's such a good idea, I mean it's pretty obvious that you both still have feelings for one another?" Sabrina said, she had always been forthright, and took a sip of her wine.
"We do and you know what I've realised," she sat forward, looking her in the eye. "I think we always will." She admitted, and just saying it seemed to release some wave of emotion inside her. "But, as I told him in the restaurant we are both adults. We made it work before and I'm sure we can make it work again," she said.
It seemed intrusive to break her reflections, to tear her away from the obvious deep introspections. She kept her voice gentle as she spoke. "But what about Rupert? Are you going to tell him?" Sabrina asked and watched as Clarisse took a long, deep breath.
"I honestly don't know," Clarisse said as she looked back at her friend and shrugged half heartedly. "I don't even know if I love him the way I should, I mean don't get me wrong, I love him as a friend, the father to my sons and as my king. But maybe I just… maybe I just don't love him as a wife should."
"Because you love someone else," Sabrina said quickly, without thought, "someone who loves you just as much and would do absolutely anything for you. The question is, would you do the same, do anything for him?" Sabrina asked even though she didn't need to. The answer was already so obvious. "Clarisse, you really need to think about all of this. You need to think about you and Rupert, and your boys, and if having Joseph working back at the palace is such a good idea."
"I know," Clarisse said and nodded. "I know. It's just too painful at times, sometimes easier to just pretend it's not there, allow it to go on rather than face the truth."
"The question is, how long can you afford to do that for?" Sabrina asked.
Arriving back at the palace that evening, Clarisse made her way straight up to her suite where the palace butler had told her the boys were with Rupert, waiting for her, and walking through the door moments later, she was greeted by the sight of her husband sitting on the sofa with Pierre sat one side of him and Philippe curled up the other side, with his arms wrapped around them both.
"Mommy," five year old Philippe exclaimed while climbing from the sofa and hurrying around to her as she crouched down to him. "I'm so happy you're home."
"Me too," Clarisse said while scooping her youngest son, her baby, in her arms, and stood back up, holding him tight a long moment, "I missed you and your brother so much."
"And not daddy," Philippe exclaimed as he pulled back to look into his mothers eyes.
"Daddy too of course," Clarisse smiled and stood him back down before walking around to Pierre who had remained on the sofa next to his father.
"I missed you too, mother," ten year old Pierre smiled up at her as she bent over and grasped his face in her hands, kissing his forehead.
"Good," Clarisse smiled and moved to sit in one of the armchairs with a content sigh. She had only been gone one night but she was happy to be home with her sons, who she had missed terribly.
"How did it go?" Rupert asked as he watched Clarisse pulling Philippe onto her lap and wrap her arms around him.
"It went really well," Clarisse nodded with a smile, "it was so lovely seeing everyone again, and of course, so many people asked where you were. But were understanding when I explained why you couldn't make it."
"That's good, and did you let your hair down?" Rupert asked as she glanced up at him.
"I did, yes," Clarisse smiled while looking down at Philippe leaning back against her front.
"Good," Rupert smiled and watched her a moment. "I know I wasn't able to be there with you last night, but I have kept to my word and booked somewhere for us to escape too in a couple weeks like we talked about before you left."
"You have?" Clarisse asked in surprise as she looked back up at him. "Where are we going?"
"I have, and it's a surprise," he smiled teasingly, "so you'll have to wait and see."
"Oh, okay," Clarisse smiled and looked back down at her son before suddenly remembering she had to talk to Rupert about the royal trip in august. "You talking about trips reminded me, I was talking to Sabrina earlier and she has invited us to go and stay with them if we can add a couple extra days onto our England trip in august."
"Do they have room?" Rupert asked in surprise.
"Yes, they moved didn't they a few months back. The house is beautiful and huge, plenty of room for us and a couple guards too." She said while looking up at him for a moment before looking back down at Philippe. "I said I will talk to you about it and see what we can do."
"Well as long as they have room and don't mind us all staying there, then I don't see a problem with us staying with them for a couple days," Rupert smiled, "we will look into it."
"Thank you," Clarisse said as she averted her gaze to him. "They have a huge back garden too, so you," she said and tickled Philippe, who was still sitting in her lap, "and Pierre have plenty of room to run around and play with Julia and Lucille."
"Yay," Philippe giggled as Clarisse tickled him again.
"You never mentioned on the phone when we spoke earlier, but was Joseph and Viola there?" Rupert asked a few moments later, as Clarisse hugged Philippe close once again.
"Joseph was, but Viola wasn't," Clarisse said and looked up at him, "they broke up a couple years ago."
"Oh really? That's a shame," Rupert said as he averted his gaze across the room.
"It is," Clarisse said as she hesitated a long moment before finally speaking again. "I offered him a job back here."
Looking back at her, Rupert sat a moment. He wasn't surprised, if he was honest, because even though he was in love with his wife, Joseph was a hard worker, who took his job seriously and he knew that with him around, and knowing how he felt about Clarisse, she and their sons were in extra safe hands. "And what did he say to that?"
"Well after I explained to him that it wouldn't be in the same position as before, he was honoured to be given another chance to work here and happily accepted the offer." Clarisse said.
"Okay, and when does he start?" Rupert asked, "so I can let the security team know, and get his suite sorted for his arrival."
"Next week," Clarisse said and watched him a moment. "I hope you didn't mind me giving him a job?"
"No, of course not," Rupert said with a shake of his head.
"Okay," Clarisse said and smiled across the room at him before smiling down at Philippe, "right then, let's get you and your brother to bed shall we?"
"Are you going to read us a bedtime story?" Philippe asked as he stepped from his mothers lap and turned to her.
"Absolutely," Clarisse smiled and stood to her feet, "and then I am going to have a soak in the bath."
"Yay," Philippe exclaimed happily and hurried over to Rupert, giving him a tight hug, "goodnight daddy."
"Goodnight, son," Rupert said and kissed his cheek before watching him run around the sofa and open the suite door.
"Goodnight, father," Pierre said as he leant to the side, giving Rupert a hug.
"Goodnight," Rupert said while wrapping his arm around Pierre's shoulders and kissed the top of his head, "you both behave for your mother and go straight to sleep after you have read the story."
"We will," Pierre said as he got to his feet.
"Come on you," Clarisse smiled as she reached her hand out and ruffled his hair. "Let's go and find a book that we can all read together."
It was something of a must for Clarisse that, despite her role and the heavy calendar she kept, she always tried to be there to read a bedtime story to both Pierre and Philippe.
She enjoyed watching as they drifted off to sleep, it meant she could return to her suite relaxed and settled and leaving Rupert to read in bed, she ran herself a bubble bath and peacefully sank beneath the bubbles with a contented sigh. Closing her eyes she reflected on the events of the weekend for the first time since she got home.
Humming to herself sometime later, after drying and getting into her pyjamas, she slipped on her robe and made her way back into the bedroom while rubbing her hair dry with a towel.
Looking up from the book he was reading, Rupert turned his head to watch her sitting on the edge of their bed, her back to him and simply listened to her humming a moment before he spoke. "You're in a good mood tonight," he said before turning back to his book.
Turning slightly on the bed, Clarisse placed her hand down on the bedsheets and nodded. "Yes, I suppose I am." She smiled and began to brush her hair through.
"The night away was clearly a pleasurable one," Rupert said and absentmindedly turned the page of his book and read a few words before looking to the foot of the bed a moment and then at Clarisse once again. "Did you and Joseph enjoy your nightcap together after he walked you back to your suite last night?"
"Pardon?" She said quickly, her heart already racing. Her brain moved to think quickly, to be prepared for whatever came her way. "How did you know that he walked me to my suite last night?"
"You told me earlier," Rupert said and watched as she rose to her feet and turned to him. Standing there beside the bed with her robe hanging open, Rupert knew he had slipped up from the look in her eyes.
"No, I didn't, I didn't mention anything to you about last night. Just that he was there, without Viola, and that I offered him a job." Clarisse said and folded her arms as he closed his book and placed it on his bedside table. "So, how did you know?"
"Alright," Rupert began calmly and looked up at her, "it was Antonio, he called and told me this morning."
"Antonio?" She asked, and watched as he nodded before she continued. "Antonio told you that Joseph walked me back to my suite?"
"Yes, and that he had also entered your suite, assumingly for a nightcap," Rupert said and watched as she turned her head to the side.
"So you're spying on me now," Clarisse said angrily as she looked back at him with a small shake of her head. Her chest tightening anxiously over the fact that her husband had sent Antonio with her to London, obviously with a purpose. "Did you do it in the hope that he would catch me with Joseph?"
"Yes, and I had every right to. Especially after Antonio told me that you were both drunk and close towards the end of the night, practically sitting in each other's laps, apparently," Rupert said, but he kept his tone even, calm.
"I don't believe this," Clarisse said frustratedly and turned to walk over to her dressing table, arms still folded, her back to him. Her anger steadily growing, but it was anger mixed with guilt, with embarrassment.
"I wouldn't blame you, you know, if you did sleep with him last night," Rupert said and watched as she spun around to him in horror. "He is your age after all, and it's not like we have that sort of relationship now. He's a lot fitter," he shrugged, "and he's handsome, I mean why would you want to sleep with me now our duty is done?"
Letting out a sigh, Clarisse unfolded her arms and let them fall down at her sides as she walked back over to the bed and sat down at the bottom of it. "He did walk me back to my suite, and yes he came in for a nightcap," she said and looked down at her hands as Rupert looked up at her, "but we didn't sleep together... we nearly did. We kissed and..." looking across the room, she couldn't even say the words.
"What stopped you?" Rupert asked, his eyes still on her as she turned her head back to him.
"You did," she said and glanced back down at her hands before looking back up at her husband as he climbed from the bed and walked around to stand by the window, to look out into the darkness. "I thought about how faithful you have been to me since we were married and I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't do it to you, to our boys."
"I had a feeling something like this might happen when you saw him again. I mean I know you will always love him," Rupert said sadly and looked down. "I'm sorry that by being with me is stopping you from being with the man you really want to be with."
Biting her bottom lip, Clarisse climbed from the bottom of the bed where she had been sitting and walked over to stand in front of him. There was some truth in what he had said, by being with him was stopping her from being with the one she really loved. "It was my decision, remember?" She said while framing his face in her hands and looked up into his eyes. "I could have walked away before we were married, I had that choice. But I stayed and I married you and one thing I truly believe in is commitment."
Putting one hand up, Rupert took hold of one of Clarisse's hands from his cheek and pulled it back slightly. "I know you don't love me in the same way, but I do love you, you know and I know our sex life isn't a regular occurrence, but that isn't because I don't desire you or find you beautiful," he whispered and turned his face to kiss the palm of her hand while closing his eyes. "Because I do."
"I know," Clarisse said softly and watched as he opened his eyes before she reached up to kiss him, her head tilted slightly, while wrapping her arm around the top of his arm and placed her hand on the back of his shoulder as he kept hold of her other hand, resting against his chest.
Pulling back a moment later, Rupert looked into her eyes. "Are we going to be alright, if Joseph does come back to work for us?" He asked and watched as she nodded.
"Yes, it will be just like it was when he worked here before," Clarisse said and looked up into his eyes. "We made it work then and I'm sure we will make it work now."
Nodding in agreement, Rupert suddenly found himself scooping her up in his arms at the thought of Joseph returning to the palace and being around his wife once again, and carried her over to their bed where they made love for the first time in three months.
The End.
Thank you all for your continued support on this story, as well as all my other stories. Hopefully the sequel to this, In Sickness and In Health will follow shortly.