Chapter 12: The art of mending
So, this one is my favorite chapter so far. With a little helping hand from fate, important words are being spoken, and big steps are being taken. Enjoy! ;)
It was only a few days before John and Anna's departure to London. John was home on a day off, going over the last minute details of their trip, while Anna was working at Downton. The day had been going smoothly and quite uneventfully. Anna was high-spirited, thrilled with happy anticipation over their approaching trip. She was humming to herself as she changed back into civilian's clothes in the locker room. She passed Mrs Hughes's open office door on her way out, and happily waved to her:
- Goodbye Mrs Hughes! See you tomorrow.
- See you Anna, responded the older woman with a warm smile.
Anna had just crossed Downton's entrance and started making her way down to the bus stop, when she felt someone pulling hard on her arm from behind. She startled and let out a small cry when she found herself face to face with Alex.
- Alex, for God's sake, you scared the hell out of me! Will you stop following me! I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. To. You.!
- Anna, babe, please, hear me out at least! I miss you! I love you!
- God Alex, stop! I don't want to hear your lies! You don't love me! And don't call me babe or anything!
- Please Anna, he pleaded, putting both his hands on the sides of her face and trying to kiss her.
She fiercely pushed him away, and started hurriedly making her way back into Downton's building, hoping that he would calm down if there were people looking. She passed the threshold with him tailing her, grabbing her arm again. She shrugged him off, shouting:
- I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE ALEX!
- Oh, so this is how you're taking it! You really are an ungrateful little slut! Aren't you Anna?! After everything I did for you!
He managed to pin her against a wall, blocking her with his arm under her chin.
- GET OFF ME ALEX, she bellowed, panic rising inside her.
Could he really hurt her bad? Fortunately, down the hallway, Mrs Hughes had heard Anna's voice outburst. She picked her phone and went out of her office to see what was going on. She gasped when she saw Alex's anger-twisted face.
- Now what is going on here?! Release her at once sir, or I'm calling the police right away!
She turned around towards the inside of the unit and yelled:
- Thomas! William! Help's needed here please!
A few seconds later, both men appeared from the nurse's room.
- What's up Mrs Hughes? asked Thomas.
- We may need some men's touch to show this man the door, said Mrs Hughes.
Seeing that he was outnumbered, Alex planted his dangerous look into Anna's eyes, and whispered in her ear:
- I'll kill myself Anna. You'll have my death on your conscience.
- Please just leave me alone… she cried.
He suddenly released her and turned around to go away. She crumbled on the floor sobbing while her three friends gathered around her to comfort her.
An hour later, Mrs Hughes and Anna were waiting in the lobby of the nearest police station. Mrs Hughes had convinced Anna to go and report Alex's threats and assault. While they were waiting, Mrs Hughes called John to inform him of their whereabouts and ask him to join them. Anna was still shocked from the incident, and was sitting motionless, gazing unfocused on the wall in front of her. About twenty minutes later, John entered the police station, an anguished look on his face, looking around for Anna. When he saw her, he hurried to her side, calling to her:
- Oh God Anna, what happened?
When she heard his voice, it was like she came back to the real world. She straightened herself, got up swiftly and threw herself in his arms.
- Oh John… she cried.
As he had done so many times already, he held her tight, waiting for her to stop crying. Just when she started to calm down, a policeman came out calling:
- Miss Smith, please?
- Yes, that's her, answered John.
- If you'll follow me Miss, we will take your deposition.
Anna started to follow the officer, holding on John's hand. John asked the officer:
- Is it OK if I come with her?
- If Miss Smith wants you to, I have no objection.
- Thank you officer.
Mrs Hughes came to them before they disappeared inside the building:
- I'll leave you to it. Be brave Anna. But I know you are, she said, fondly squeezing her arms. You take care of her, John.
- Will do Mrs Hughes. Thank you for everything. Good night.
And they turned away to follow the policeman into his office.
Later that evening, Anna had gone into John's bedroom to lie down for a moment while John was cooking dinner. As he was chopping vegetables, he heard his phone beep in his pocket. He wiped his hands and checked it. Anna had sent him a Whatsapp message:
*Dido – Thank you*
He smiled, and put his Bluetooth speaker on to play the song on it, loud enough for Anna to hear in the bedroom.
"My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
I drank last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today, I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there they'll all imply that I might not last the day
And then you call me, and it's not so bad, it's not so bad
And I want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life
And oh, just to be with you, is having the best day of my life
Push the door I'm home at last, and I'm soaking through and through
Then you're handing me a towel, and all I see is you
And even if me house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue,
Because you're near me
And I want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my life
And oh, just to be with you, is having the best day of my life"
When the song was over, he launched "Fix You", and went back to Whatsapp:
*I know I already used that one, but it is so appropriate.
"Tears streaming down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"
I love you Anna*
He went back to chopping the vegetables, when a few minutes later, he felt Anna's hands sliding on his back and around his waist. She hugged him from behind, the side of her face resting against his shoulder-blades. She sighed and murmured:
- You're doing a good job you know. Fixing me. If only the other guy didn't keep shattering me all over again every other day.
- Well I hope the police will find a way to make him stop. I wouldn't like to have to kill him.
Anna retrieved her arms from around him, and made him turn around, looking worried:
- You're joking right? Because I really don't need you being taken away from me on murder charges.
Seeing that she was really distressed, John put his hands on her shoulders and said:
- Of course I'm joking sweetie. I would never do that. I'm sorry, it wasn't funny. I shouldn't have joked about that.
She slowly breathed out.
- You know I often dream about him being dead. Earlier he threatened to kill himself and told me I would have his death on my conscience.
- Oh God, I'm so sorry, it must have been so awful to hear that. But Anna, seriously, even if he ever does such a thing, you do know that you will bear no responsibility whatsoever? It is his choice and his own only.
- Yes… I keep telling me that.
- I hope you believe it. Come on, let's eat, you must be starving after all this.
- Not really, but I'll try to eat a bit anyway.
x x x x
Anna was seated nestled against John's shoulder int the train that was finally taking them to London. In the last few days since she had gone to the police, they had taken her old phone to collect proof of the countless harassing texts, calls, voice messages and mails Alex had sent her since she'd left him. He had been taken into custody and interrogated, then released with a temporary restraining order forbidding him to go near her. She only hoped it would not make him even angrier and more aggressive, and she was glad to be able to get away from York for a few days.
They had decided to sleep in a hotel near Margaret's apartment, since her flat was too small to accommodate three people. John lifted his eyes from the book he was reading, and turned to her, taking her hand:
- Are you alright darling? Do you think you'll manage to relax and enjoy our trip?
Anna smiled to him:
- Oh I bloody well intend to. I'm not letting him control my life anymore.
He smiled back, and kissed her hand:
- I like that spirit.
They had planned to go straight to their hotel to drop their bags off, then go and meet John's mother at her apartment, where she was waiting for them for tea time. At five o'clock, having freshened themselves up at the hotel, John and Anna where knocking at Margaret's door. She beamed at them when she let them into her flat:
- John! Anna! I am so glad to see you. Come this way! Please, give me your coats.
She gave her son a hug, ruffling through his hair:
- Oh my boy! It's been such a long time! You're so handsome!
- Hello Mother, I'm happy to see you too.
She turned to Anna, detailing her appearance from head to toes and hugging her too:
- And Anna… I've heard so much about you! I'm so glad to meet you at last. How gorgeous you look my dear!
Anna flushed a little and gave the old woman her hug back, while John winked at her from behind.
- Hello Mrs Bates. So nice to meet you too.
- Oh please, call me Margaret! she said, pinching Anna's cheek.
- Alright… Margaret.
The three of them sat in her small sitting room, where Margaret had laid everything for tea. She had baked enough scones, biscuits and sandwiches to feed the whole neighborhood. After making small talk for a moment about their trip and the weather in London, she asked Anna:
- So, dear, tell me, how did you two meet?
- At work. I was working at Downton when John came there too. We hit off from the start. We were good friends at first. I was a nursing assistant back then. I was studying to qualify as a nurse and he offered to help me. And he really did help me a lot. After that I went to nursing school for eighteen months, so we didn't see much of each other for a while. But then I came back to Downton as a nurse, and we started dating.
John was listening to her, admiring how she'd made their story sound like it had all gone smoothly. But Margaret asked for more details:
- But what took you so long, why didn't you keep in touch while you were at nursing school?
John was starting to worry that Anna would feel coerced into giving some personal details that she wasn't really willing to share.
- Mother, please… he started.
But Anna cut him:
- I was… involved with someone else at that time.
- Oooh, nodded Margaret with a knowing look. I understand.
Anna smiled politely, thinking that she probably did not understand at all. But then she remembered John telling him about his abusive father, and thought that sometimes in the future, when Margaret and she would know each other better, maybe she would confide in her.
A while later, when John had left them alone to go to the bathroom, Margaret leaned towards Anna, and squeezed her hand:
- So, Anna, you seem like a very nice girl to me. Tell me, is my boy treating you well?
Anna smiled fondly at her:
- Oh don't worry, he is. He is the finest gentleman I have ever met. I love him so much.
- I'm so glad to hear that. An old woman can't help but worry. But I can tell you from how he speaks of you, he loves you very much too.
Anna smiled even brighter and squeezed her hand back.
- You raised him well Margaret.
- Oh, I did what I could. But life raised him the hard way.
- So he told me, yes.
They left Margaret's flat later in the evening after having eaten dinner with her, and promised to come back the next day. John had insisted to take her out to a fancy restaurant. She didn't want to go out to dinner, arguing that she was too old and tired to go to bed so late, so they had agreed on luncheon. John and Anna were leisurely walking hand in hand towards their hotel. Anna looked at John, smiling, and said:
- You were right, your mother is a very nice person. I like her a lot.
- That makes me very happy, answered John, pulling her hand up to his mouth and kissing it.
- So, what are we doing tomorrow, after lunch with her?
- We'll have the afternoon to ourselves, and then in the evening, I'm treating you with a surprise.
- Really? What is it?
- What I just said: a surprise, he smirked. You'll see tomorrow.
She pouted:
- Oh come on, tell me…
He shook his head stubbornly:
- It's in less than twenty-four hours, I gather you can wait that long, he teased.
Back at the hotel, they had settled into bed and started making out. They were respectively exploring each other's body with their hands and mouth, the two of them taking shared pleasure in the process. John uttered a pleading moan when she let her hand linger on the front of his underpants, feeling him harden under her touch.
- Soon, darling, I promise, she whispered in his ear.
- You don't have to promise anything Anna, you know that, he whispered back. We'll do it when you're ready.
- I know. But I think I'll be ready soon.
-That's great news.
Once again they fell asleep holding each other.
x x x x
They spent a very good time having luncheon with Margaret. She told them she had not eaten in a restaurant for many years, and marveled at everything around her, which made them laugh. She entertained them with funny anecdotes about John's childhood and teen age, which made him flush crimson a few times, under Anna's amused look. She was amazed to notice how naturally the conversation was flowing between Margaret and her, considering that they had just met the previous day. She felt some kind of emotional connection with the old lady, as if they had known each other for a long time. She thought how nice it would be to finally have some kind of family, and how the old woman would make a marvelous grandmother. She felt a rush of heat through her when that thought crossed her mind. She hadn't event yet made love with John and there she was thinking about Margaret being a grandmother… Maybe she was seeing a little too far in the future. She shrugged the thought off, and smiled at John and Margaret while trying to catch up with what was being said.
When lunch was over, they walked Margaret back to her flat. They had to walk very slowly to keep up with her. John couldn't help but worry at how tired his mother looked, and how she seemed to become breathless for a very small amount of physical exercise. Even walking slowly through the park seemed to be taxing her. They saw her safely into her apartment, settled her into her best armchair, before bidding her goodbye for the day. When they were back in the street, John asked Anna:
- So, what would you like to do this afternoon? Hyde Park? London Eye? The Tower of London? Shopping in Oxford Street?
- Hmmm I don't care much about shopping, she said, frowning.
- Thank God, I hate it, laughed John.
- Oh, I know, she burst happily, let's go wander in Notting Hill! Try to find the house with the blue door! Do you think we have time for that before your surprise?
- I think so, yes, he smiled. Alright, let's go.
After a good deal of wandering (maybe a bit too much for John's knee), they sat in a small Indian restaurant to have a light dinner. When they had both emptied their plates, John looked at his watch and said:
- I think it is surprise o'clock. Let's go. We're headed for Covent Garden.
When they got out of the tube, John guided Anna down a few streets, then stopped on the pavement.
- Alright, now close your eyes.
- Oh really John… she sighed.
- Come on, close your eyes!
She reluctantly obliged, and he took her hand to lead her a bit further. He stopped her, stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. He then whispered in her ear:
- Now darling, open your eyes.
She did, and let out a small shriek of joy and astonishment. They were standing in front of the Lyceum Theater. Above its front doors, a big colorful sign read: "The Lion King – The Musical". She turned around and jumped into John's arms, almost knocking him down.
- Oh my God John, thank you, this is soooo coooool!
- I gather you like my idea?
- It is the best idea EVER! she laughed, kissing him everywhere on his face.
He had to put her down, laughing:
- Now, sweetie, calm down, people are staring…
- Are they? Because I really don't care! she exclaimed joyously.
She was shivering with anticipation, when the were seated and waiting for the show to begin. She leaned upon John and whispered to him:
- Thank you so much darling, I'm so happy!
- You're welcome love. Enjoy.
The lights went out, and when the first song started, they were lost to the world outside:
"Nants ingonyama bagithi baba, Sithi uhm ingonyama
Nants ingonyama bagithi baba, Sithi uhhmm ingonyama
Ingonyama, Siyo Nqoba, Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala (se-to-kwa!)
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala (asana)
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala (se-to-kwa!)
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala (se-to-kwa!)
From the day we arrive on the planet, and blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done
There's far too much to take in here, more to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high, through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round
It's the circle of life, and it moves us all
Through despair and hope, through faith and love
'Til we find our place, on the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life"
Two and a half hours later, they were walking down the street towards the tube, stars still flickering in their eyes. John looked at Anna, who was glowing with joy, and noticed that happiness suited her very well.
- So, did you like it?
- Oh John, it was so wonderful. You know, I think today has been the happiest day of my life so far.
- Oh my. Well I hope tomorrow and the following days, and months, and years will deliver competition.
She laughed, and squeezed his arm.
- You see, when I think of my life before you, and now with you, I feel like I was not really living. I feel like I have wasted so much time…
- Don't dwell on that sweetheart. Let's just focus on making the best of what we have now.
- Yes, you're right…
And she pulled him into a kiss.
- Hey, Hakuna Matata? he laughed, when they broke the kiss.
- "It's our problem-free philosophy"… If only it were true, she sighed.
x x x x
The next morning, after sleeping late, Anna and John decided to go picnic in Hyde Park. They weren't supposed to meet Margaret until tea-time, so they had some time ahead of them. They were walking to the nearest supermarket to buy their picnic, when Anna suddenly stopped in front of a newspaper stall, like hypnotized by The Sun front page: "Woman, 30, stabbed to death by ex-partner". John came behind her, and when he noticed what she was looking at, put an arm around her shoulder and tried to turn her away:
- Lord, Anna, you shouldn't be reading such things, he whispered.
She closed her eyes, sighed and followed him away from the stall.
- I don't know. You know, I sometimes wonder if I will not end up as one of those news titles.
John stopped walking, stood in front of her, tilting her chin up with his hand to look her deep in the eyes:
- I promise you, that nothing bad will ever happen to you, ever again.
- I hope that's true, she said with a small smile.
- We'll sit by the fire, with all our children around us, and I'll make certain that you are safe.
She chuckled, her cheeks suddenly feeling hot. So he had thought about children too! She was not the only one projecting in the far future. She looked back at him, smiling, picked a small loose thread on the front of his jacket, and answered sheepishly:
- Actually, I'm not sure about having children "all around us", how many are you planning on Mr Bates?
He laughed softly and kissed her on her forehead. They started walking again. After a while, Anna talked again:
- Those were very sweet words, but you can't be near me all the time.
- I know. I wish I could though. I feel bad for not having been there the other day.
- But you see, this is not right! I shouldn't need you to be near me all the time to make sure I'm safe. I should be able to walk free and live my life without protection! God, why do men do this to women!
- I don't know love. I myself often feel ashamed for my fellow men's behavior. But you are right. You shouldn't need me at your side all the time.
They continued their walk, and finally entered Hyde Park. They quietly strolled down the alleys, enjoying the scenery, watching families with kids playing, joggers running, squirrels crossing from tree to tree. They finally chose to settle on a bench near Princess Diana Memorial Fountain, overlooking the Serpentine. Anna had just sat and started putting their groceries out, when her phone started ringing. She took it from her jacket's pocket and frowned when she saw the unknown incoming number. She got up and walked a few steps away from the bench.
- Hello?
- Hello, is this Miss Smith?
- This is she.
- Officer Powells, from York police.
John was still sitting on the bench, watching her from the distance, seeing only her back. He couldn't hear what she was saying. The exchange was brief, and Anna hung up her phone, and stood there motionless, blankly staring at it. He started worrying at her lack of reaction, and called out softly to her:
- Anna darling? Are you alright?
She slowly turned around to face him. He noticed right away that she was very pale and looked utterly shocked. Worry rose a stage further into John.
- Anna, what's wrong? Talk to me!
The phone suddenly dropped from her hand. She looked into his eyes with an empty gaze, and whispered:
- Alex is dead.
Then her legs stopped supporting her, and she crumbled on the grass, sobbing.
- What the… exclaimed John, rushing to her side.
He went down on his knee with difficulty, to comfort her and help her up.
- Come on sweetie, come sit on the bench.
He lead her back to the bench, pushing the picnic aside. She looked at him, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She kept repeating, as if to convince herself of the reality of the situation:
- It's over. I am free. I am free.
John looked quite bewildered. He waited for her to collect herself a bit, and asked:
- But how can he be dead?
- That was a police officer. Said he crashed his motorbike on the highway yesterday evening.
- Oh Lord…
A small nervous laugh mixed in with the tears.
- I am free! We are free! He will never come after me ever again! Oh God I can't believe I will never see his face again.
- I know we're not supposed to rejoice over someone's death but… let's just say he won't be missed.
John got up again, and went to retrieve Anna's phone they had left behind on the ground. Fortunately it was not broken, having fallen on the grass. He went back to the bench, handed it back to Anna, sat beside her and passed his arm around her shoulders.
- Are you OK sweetheart?
Anna slowly and deeply breathed in and out.
- I think so. It's just so … sudden. Unexpected.
Her hand suddenly shot to cover her mouth while she turned to him, horror-struck:
- Do you think he did it on purpose?! He threatened to kill himself…
John took the hand she was holding in front of her mouth and brought it to his own mouth, to kiss it.
- Darling. We will never know. No one will ever know. And it doesn't matter. None of this is your fault, you know that.
She briefly closed her eyes.
- Yes. You're right.
They sat in silence for a while, slowly letting the news sink in. At last, John broke the silence:
- Anna? Can I ask you a question?
- Of course.
- I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but… I would like to understand. How did a bright, clever and kind young woman like you end up with a man like him?
She closed her eyes, and didn't answer for a moment. So that was it. If she wanted to answer his question, she had to tell him about her past. All her past. And see once again the pity in his eyes. Tell him that story, that she had very carefully buried deep inside her. But then, maybe today was to be the day of her catharsis. Maybe if she told everything, once and for all, maybe they could leave it all behind, and start anew. A clean record. Focus on the future. On happiness. She exhaled carefully and started:
- So, let's start with the beginning. You know my father was a laborer.
- And he was killed in an accident at work.
- Yes, when I was about six, and me and my sister and my mother were left destitute.
- Until she married again, and your stepfather was an iron worker, I know all of that.
- Not all of it.
She looked down at her knees, twisting her hands. Her voice was very low, and John had to strain his ears to hear.
- It wasn't much at first… Slight touches. Brushing past me. I still remember the smell of the beer on his breath.
John closed his eyes and winced at the thought of what she had had to go through.
- Couldn't you tell your mother?
- She didn't want to believe it. What would she have done if he'd left? Then, one night, I was seventeen, he kept looking at me, and I knew what was coming. So I fetched a knife from the scullery, and I waited in the dark.
- Are you saying you killed him? asked John with a horrified look.
- No! Of course not! I threatened him, and when he wouldn't stop, I struck him with the blade, but I only cut him.
- So… he didn't… get his way?
- No… He screamed blue murder, so the watch came, but my mother persuaded him to say he slipped and fell and it was an accident. But after this, I couldn't stay in their house, so I packed a backpack and ran away from home. I slept with some friends for a few nights, but then I couldn't stay longer, so I took a train to York, since it was the closest city. I guess I hoped to find a job there, but I had no qualification, and I didn't know where to go. I spent a night in a park. I was so scared. Then the next day, I was in a cafe, and he spotted me. It must have been written all over my face that I was young, lost and desperate. A perfect prey. He was very nice at first. Five years older, funny, good-looking… He had a job, a flat, some money. He offered to take me in. And I had nowhere and no one else to go to, so I went with him. The first two years or so, I was happy. I thought I had found my Prince Charming. I was like mesmerized. There were a few things that bothered me of course, but I dismissed them, I thought it was me being oversensitive. He didn't turn from Prince Charming to abusive monster in one day. It was an endless series of small steps, each taking me further down the path of abuse. He always managed to make me think it was me not being good enough to him. And well, a few years down the line, you know how it ended. You came around, and you saved my life.
- I know you would have finally come round without me.
- Maybe I would. But you gave me something to compare to. How you treated me versus how he treated me. How I felt with you versus how I felt with him. It opened my eyes, and gave me a goal. I had never known an equal and respectful relationship before.
There was a moment's silence between them. John seemed focused on processing all the new information she had delivered. He felt horrified that she had had to deal with abuse at such a young age. Suddenly, Anna asked flatly :
- So, are you still willing to get stuck with me, even though I'm damaged goods?
- What?! Anna, why would you say that?! You're not damaged goods!
- But I'm spoiled for you. And I can never be unspoiled.
- You are not spoiled! You're made higher to me, and holier because of the suffering you've been put through! You have been damaged, in that you're right. Damaged by those men, damaged by life. But then, so have I. We both have our scars, we've both been damaged. But being broken doesn't have to make you less beautiful. If you allow me, I will spend each remaining day of my life trying to make you feel more beautiful than ever. As beautiful as I see you with my eyes. Inside and outside.
She smiled wearily. John cupped both her cheeks with his hands and planted his eyes deep into hers.
- You are my soulmate, and I have never been prouder, nor loved you more than I love you now at this moment.
- Truly?
- Truly.
And he slowly bent forward to kiss her lips. She wiped her eyes, and said softly :
- You are a miracle from heaven.
He chuckled, then turned to point out at the discarded picnic.
- We should eat, it's getting late, and there's something I'd like to show you before we go to my mother's for tea.
After they had eaten, and packed all the remains in their bag, John got up and held his hand out for Anna to take.
- Let's go sweetheart.
- So, where are you taking me this time?
- British Museum.
- Alright… she said uncertainly. Do you want to show me Rosetta's stone? Or the Egyptian mummies?
- No… he chuckled. There's a temporary exhibit there that I think will do you good, he added in a mysterious tone.
They rode the subway and walked to the entrance of the Museum. Beside the main door, a large banner was hung, advertising the temporary exhibition that John intended to visit. He showed it to Anna, who read aloud:
- "Kintsukuroi", the Japanese art of mending.
- You'll see. It's beautiful.
- Alright…
They went into the exhibit. There was a large display of vases and potteries that had been beautifully mended. Anna stopped to read the first explanation board.
"Kintsukuroi (golden repair), also known as Kintsugi (golden joinery) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise."
She smiled and turned to John:
- Alright, I see what you are doing here Mr Bates.
- Do you? he said with an innocent smile. I think this show illustrates perfectly what I said earlier about not being less beautiful because one's been broken. Don't you think?
- You've made your point, she said with a happy gleam in her eyes. Let's go visit.
And she took his hand and lead him further inside.
When they had finished going through the exhibition, John stopped at the museum shop and bought a book about Kintsugi, containing pictures of the most beautiful pieces on display. He handed it to Anna:
- There. This is for you, so that you never forget how beautiful you are.
Tears shone in her eyes as she took it, and she whispered:
- Thank you John. You are very very beautiful too, and I love you so much.
x x x x
Hours had flown by and it was time for them to join Margaret for tea. They spent all tea time telling her all about their sightseeing from the two previous days, strolling in Notting Hill, the Lion King show, the Museum exhibit. Then Margaret handed John a grocery list, asking him to go down the street and fetch her what was on it, as she had "forgotten" those items the last time she had gone shopping. John could see right away that it was just a trick so that she could spend time alone with Anna, but he pretended not to notice. Anna shooed him out, assuring him that she didn't mind at all keeping company to his mother while he was out. In fact, she welcomed an occasion to talk to her privately. She went back to sit near to the old lady in the couch. After a few minutes of small talk, she said:
- Margaret, the other day you asked me why it took so long for us to start dating.
Margaret put her hand on Anna's knee, gently squeezing.
- Anna, my dear, you don't have to tell me. It is your own story.
- Yes, but I want to. John has told me about your story, so I know you will understand. When I met John, I had spent many years in a relationship with an abusive man. He was physically, verbally and psychologically violent. I loved John very soon after we'd met, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself. But it took me more than two years to break away from Alex. And after I did, he has kept on pursuing me and harassing me. Only three days before we came here, I was at the police station after he assaulted me at work.
- Oh dear…
- But this morning, I got a call from York police, and they informed me that he had died in a motorbike crash.
Margaret gasped at the news.
- How do you feel now?
- Free… said Anna with a smile.
She took the older woman's hand in hers, and looked her in the eyes.
- I want you to know Margaret, that your son has been a beacon of light for me during those dark months. He has always been patient, understanding, supportive, and he has been a tremendous help on my way to recovery. And now I intend to spend the rest of my life making him as happy as he makes me.
Margaret's eyes were shining with joy.
- I am so very glad to hear that. I think you both deserve happiness very much.
The old woman slowly got up from the couch, and gestured for Anna to follow her.
- Come with me Anna.
Anna followed her to her bedroom. Margaret started rummaging for a while in her chest of drawers, until she retrieved something that looked like a jewelry box. She opened it, and showed its content to Anna. It was a golden necklace chain with a diamond pendant, and a matching gold-and-diamond pair of earrings. Margaret explained:
- Those are my grandmother's wedding jewels. I want you to have them.
Anna shook her head:
- Oh no, Margaret, I can't accept that, it's too much!
- Oh yes, my dear, you can. I know you are the right person to have them. I never offered them to Vera, mind you. I don't know if you and John will ever get married one day, and since my health is quite poor, I don't know if I'll still be around to see it, so I want to give them to you now while I have the chance. I want you to know that I consider you my daughter.
- Oh, Margaret, I don't know what to say… Thank you so much. They are so beautiful.
- As you are, my dear.
Anna laughed softly:
- Yes, so does your son keep telling me.
- He is right, smiled Margaret.
Anna took the box, and carefully put it down on the chest of drawers, then turned to hug Margaret. As she released her embrace, she said:
- I have lost touch with my own mother. You don't know how much that means to me.
- I am very happy to know that they will be kept safe in the family.
Anna shut down the box and held it close to her chest.
- Thank you very much Margaret.
- You're welcome dear.
They were walking back to the sitting-room when the door opened and John came back from his grocery mission.
x x x x
Back at their hotel, Anna stored the box safely at the bottom of her suitcase, while John kicked off his shoes and let himself fall on the bed.
- I'm so glad you and my mother are getting along so well.
- She's a wonderful person, as is her son, said Anna, sitting next to John's head, and starting massaging his skull.
- Hmmm, that's good, moaned John. Man, what an emotional day it has been.
- Maybe we've not seen the end of it, said Anna mysteriously.
And before John could ask further, she got up and said:
- Well, I'm going to take a shower.
And she disappeared into the bathroom. Just before the water started running, John heard his phone beep. He opened the Whatsapp thread and read:
*Maybe this one should be played at Alex's funeral?*
*Elton John - I'm still standing*
"You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use
And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away
Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind"
John smiled, and marveled at the thought that through all this Anna had managed to keep her sense of humor. For once, destiny seemed to have done some justice. He started undressing for the night, and settled in bed with his book, waiting for Anna to finish so that he could take her place in the shower.
A few moments later, Anna came back from the bathroom, wearing the hotel's bathrobe. She came on the bed, lay beside an unsuspecting John, took his book from his hands and carefully put it back on the bedside table. When he looked at her, bemused, she smiled at him, and undid the belt of the bathrobe, whispering in his ear:
- Mr Bates, I think I am ready…
And she slowly set apart the bathrobe, revealing her naked body underneath. John's eyes grew wide at the sight of her, and he gasped:
- Oh my… Are you sure Anna?
- I am, she said, removing the bathrobe completely and lying herself casually on her back, watching John's awestruck expression with a gleam in her eyes. He said nothing more, but quickly took off his T-shirt and underpants and laid back beside her, taking her mouth into a heated kiss. They both laid on their side, facing each other, and the touch of his skin on the whole front of her body sent shivers all over Anna. She marveled at how quickly his body became ready for her, and how her own body responded quickly too when his fingers closed around her nipple and started teasing it. She felt no fear, no uneasiness, only love and arousal. A rush of pleasure ran through her when his mouth left her neck to settle on her other nipple. A light moan escaped her lips, and her hand went down the front of his body to close around him and started teasing him too.
- Oh Lord Anna… he said hoarsely. Is it OK if I go further?
- Yes, please, do, she answered in a breathless voice.
She wanted him so much right now, she couldn't wait. His hand went from her breast down to touch her between her legs, as his mouth continued to work on her nipple. He smiled against her breast when he felt how slick she was. He stroked her there for a little while, lingering on the most sensitive spot, hearing her breath quicken as pleasure slowly built up inside her. She let out a little cry when he slipped two fingers inside her. She arched her hips to meet him closer. After a few minutes of that, she felt the urge to cross the last step. She invited John to come above her. He looked at her a bit hesitantly, and asked:
- Will you be alright if I'm on top of you? Won't you feel... trapped or something?
- No, darling, please come, I want you that way.
- Alright.
In fact it was all she wanted right now to abandon herself into his arms and surrender to his embrace. He took her into another passionate kiss while he settled between her legs. She gasped in surprise when a fierce surge of pleasure filled her body as he entered into her for the first time. Oh how good it felt to welcome the man she loved into her body. She couldn't remember having felt so alive before.
- Are we good? whispered John in her ear.
- Oh, more than good, she answered, as she put her hands on his hips to encourage him to move. He started going back and forth very gently and slowly, so that she could fully enjoy every little sensation blooming inside her. Meanwhile he kept trailing light kisses along her neck and shoulder, and teasing at her breast. She moved her hips in rhythm to go along with him, and she felt slowly a wild and new sensation build up in her lower belly. The pleasure growing down there seemed to somehow connect with the sensations coming from her breast, and add up to create a high tide that was persistently rising through her body. Her breath became shakier when John started moving faster and deeper into her. She grabbed his shoulders and buried her head in the crook of his neck, as if she wanted to melt inside him, and him inside her. The sweet storm raging inside her suddenly broke out of control and she cried out as she let herself be swept away by the tidal wave of ecstasy. Tears came to her eyes at the intensity of the sensation that filled her whole body and left her shaking all over. John's closure came within two seconds of hers, and he continued moving very slowly inside her, quietly guiding her down through the aftermath of pleasure.
When they had both returned to their senses, he slipped out of her and lay beside her, taking her head against his chest. He saw the trails of tears on the sides of her face, and followed them with one finger, softly asking:
- Please tell me that those are happy tears?
She brought her fist to her mouth and broke into a fit of giggle:
- Oh yes they are. Oh my, John, what is this that you just did to me? I feel like something has just exploded down in my belly.
John laughed, and answered in a mock-serious voice:
- I think, my dear, that this is called having an orgasm.
- Oh… So that's what all the fuss was about. I understand better now.
At those words, John frowned and raised himself on his elbow to look her in the face:
- Er, Anna, what… Are you saying that you had never…
She flushed and felt some kind of shame nagging at her.
- Well you know… I hate to bring "him" between us now, but he wasn't the most generous of lovers. Rather selfish in fact. So it might have been mildly interesting at the beginning, when there was the attraction of novelty and I convinced myself that I was madly in love, but mainly I kept wondering why everyone seemed to make such a thing of having sex. Now, I see why. Never before has it felt this way. In fact, it's disturbing, how sex can feel either like hell or like heaven, depending on how and whom one is doing it with. So thank you, John, for introducing me to heaven tonight, she said, pulling him towards her and kissing him passionately. From now on, I consider this to be my official first time making love. I'll try and forget all the ones before.
- Oh wow, said John, a bit bewildered. I did not expect that. I had no idea it had been that bad the whole time. Well, at least, I am very happy and proud to be the one who offered that joy to you. And I promise you it'll be my pleasure to bring it to you again plenty of times, and in plenty of different ways. We have a lifetime of making love ahead of us.
- I can't wait, she said sleepily.
They snuggled under the sheets in each other's arms, and relaxed contently. Just before drifting to sleep, Anna whispered:
- You know John, I think I will never forget this trip to London.
- Neither will I, my darling, he answered, stroking her silken hair.
And they fell asleep, savoring their victory over darkness.
x x x x
When Anna opened her eyes the next morning, she found that John was already awake, and watching her with a dreamy smile on his lips. Anna took a few seconds to recollect all of the previous day's events, and frowned, looking at John:
- Please, tell me that yesterday was real? Alex is really dead? We really made love?
- Oh, absolutely, said John, grinning widely.
Anna exhaled deeply:
- Oh Lord, thank you, I feared for one moment I had dreamt it all. What time is it?
- Hmmm, 8:15, said John looking at his watch.
- What time do we have to check out?
- Before 10.
- Alright. So, she said looking at him with bright eyes, Mr Bates, about this lifetime of making love?
- Yes?
- Well, I was thinking… Maybe we could start now? You known, we have so much time to make up for, she said raising her eyebrows, and innocently depositing feather-light kisses on his chest.
- I cannot fight with that argument Miss Smith. We do have a lot of catching up to do… he said cupping her cheeks and pulling her into a kiss.
After a little time of warming up, Anna decided to take the lead this time. She pushed John to lie on his back, and lifted herself to sit across his body. She smiled at the look of wonder she read on John's face when he let his hands stray from her shoulders to her breasts, her sides, her belly. One of his hands finally came to settle on her most sensitive spot, and she closed her eyes, tilting her head back and moaning when he started teasing her there with his thumb. She quickly felt the need to take him inside her, and settled upon him, taking pleasure in the deep filling sensation. His other hand came to rest on her hip when she started moving on her own rhythm. She felt free, in charge, and loved. The combined effects of her own movements and John's persistent stroking quickly brought her to the point of no return, and she bent down to take John's mouth into a deep kiss just as they once again managed to come together. She then rested herself on his chest, and he silently stroked her back for a while.
- Couldn't we just stop working and spend the rest of our life in bed? she asked.
John laughed at the suggestion. He looked at her with a gleam in his eyes.
- So, is this the right moment to ask you again about food or sex?
She broke into a giggle.
- I must say I have some very interesting new data to take into account. The balance has shifted a great deal, she said emphatically. But right, now, I just had good sex, and I'm starving, so I'll go for food at the hotel's buffet! Come on let's hurry or we'll be late for check-out.
She kissed him one last time before disappearing in the bathroom.
x x x x
A few hours later, after having bid their goodbye to Margaret, and promised to see each other again soon, Anna and John were sitting in the train bringing them back to York. Anna felt she had been away for months instead of a mere four days, and felt like a different person. She opened her phone and went into the usual Whatsapp thread. She sent John a link:
*Bruno Mars - Locked out of heaven*
"Never had much faith in love or miracles
Never wanna put my heart on the line
But swimming in your water is something spiritual
I'm born again every time you spend the night
'Cause your sex takes me to paradise
Yeah your sex takes me to paradise
And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah
'Cause you make me feel like, I've been locked out of Heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah you make me feel like, I've been locked out of Heaven
For too long, for too long
You bring me to my knees
You make me testify
You can make a sinner change his ways
Open up your gates 'cause I can't wait to see the light
And right there is where I wanna stay
Can I just stay here?
Spend the rest of my days here?"
John, who was reading beside her, put his book down and checked his phone when he felt the notification buzz. He arched his eyebrows and shot her a side look with a kinky smile. He started typing back:
*Boyz II Men - I'll make love to you*
*I'm sorry this one is sooo cheesy but ;D*
"Close your eyes, make a wish, and blow out the candlelight
For tonight is just your night, we're gonna celebrate,
All through the night
Pour the wine, light the fire, girl your wish is my command
I submit to your demands, I will do anything,
Girl you need only ask
I'll make love to you, like you want me to
And I'll hold you tight, baby all through the night
I'll make love to you, when you want me to
And I will not let go, till you tell me to"
She laughed softly.
*John, I never want to spend another
Night away from you.
Would you let me move in with you?*
He turned to look at her with the brightest smile and whispered:
- Of course I'll let you my love! If it had been just me, you would have moved in right away on the day I picked you up at the hospital…
- Thank you John, I love you.
- I love you too, he said, softly kissing her on her cheek.
Free at last, free at last, Thank God Almighty we are free at last! ;)
PS: I went to see the Lion King Musical in the Lyceum Theater in 2017, it was really amazing!
And if you don't know what Kintsugi is, go Google, it is really beautiful.