The fight
Eh, sorry guys, I got my wisdom teeth out, and then the power was knocked out due to a hurricane. Also, a 75 hour work week and 6 day work weeks.
There was so much turmoil, then so much promise… And then it all came crashing down…
Bucky smacked himself in the face.
"Stop. You need to stop!" He quietly growled at himself in the mirror. "Stop jerking off while thinking about your best friend!"
His hands tugged at his hair, then ran down his face.
"Fuck!" He growled into his palms. "Fuck… what the hell am I going to do?" He looked up at his reflection again. "You fucked it up. You fucking fucked it up beyond fuck. You have to fucking fix it."
He ran his comb through his hair again after he'd messed it up, trying to get his shit together so he could go back out and watch the space documentary that had just come out with Ellie like a normal person- like he used to before he'd fucked everything up.
He went out to the couch, seeing that Ellie had a bowl of popcorn, drinks, and the few snacks they had already out and waiting, and the movie already up and ready to go.
He hadn't thought he'd been that long in the shower, but, he had masturbated, and that was taking a minute nowadays, since he had been doing it so much.
Ellie looked up from her phone and shifted to get more comfortable on the couch. "Finally, jeez," she teased, closing the stuff on her phone.
This is going to be good, she thought. The whole having a normal day where they just watched an interesting documentary and snacked, no sexual tension, no worrying about rent, no thinking about each other in any way that wasn't just friends- it was going to be great!
She had high hopes for it, since they'd managed to have a relatively normal day yesterday, and the only thing making her feel uneasy was the conversation with Tony that had festered in her mind and heart.
Bucky joined her on the couch, and immediately, she was surrounded by the clean smell of him after a shower.
The smell of his body wash, that masculine smell mixed with the soap, and the underlying smell that was him, so purely Bucky that it made her remember how he'd felt inside of her, pressed deep into her with her senses filled with him.
There were a couple of other scents that he'd picked up on his run, but they only added to who he was.
Fuck.
Now her nipples were tightening and pushing against her bra.
Ellie grabbed one of the pillows that littered the couch and wrapped her arms around it, trying to look like she was just getting comfortable, and not like she was hiding how much her body was affected by him.
Of course, the pillow brought a new problem; it smelled like Bucky, and, as it was right under her nose, it was also affecting her, by making her start to get wet.
What the actual fuck?
She'd had sex with other guys before, obviously, but she had never been this needy, this horny, before, and especially not with just a smell.
Bucky watched the show, he really did. It wasn't his fault that half an hour in he couldn't even remember what specific thing in space it was about!
He just kept getting distracted!
By how much he wanted to pull Ellie into his lap and kiss her.
Fuck!
'Thursday, just have to wait till Thursday,' he reminded himself. 'You can do it, you've gone longer without before- hell! You just had about a year long drought! You can survive until Thursday! It's only-' Bucky's thought cut off as he internally cheered. He tried to keep his excitement hidden. It was Wednesday. Tomorrow was Thursday!
'Fuck, that's easy!' He thought. 'I can wait until tomorrow, no problem! It's only a day! Only,' he looked at the clock on his phone, 'twenty-four, plus the hours until the show-' his eyes drifted to Ellie, 'only thirty hours… I can definitely make it. She's so worth it. Worth every second…'
Bucky jerked his head back to the TV, trying to focus again on what was happening.
Ellie had twisted the pillow, folding it and turning it in an attempt to cover herself, and make it so she didn't smell Bucky all over it.
She was getting so wet. She could remember the feel of Bucky pumping into her, and it was not helping.
Bucky looked over at Ellie again, his eyes trailing over her; the way she chewed her lip, how her arms were across her chest, holding a pillow to herself, the way her thighs were pressed together-
He wanted to feel her thighs pressed around him. He wanted to wrap them around him as he pressed her down into the couch-
He wanted to feel her around him like he had a few days ago.
'Thursday,' he reminded himself. 'Thursday. Thursday, Thursday, Thursday-'
He couldn't fucking wait that long!
Bucky leaned toward her, his hands moving forward, but she wasn't turning, maybe she wasn't thinking about this, too…
Ellie's face turned to him, lip still in her mouth, her eyes meeting his with a soft look.
Suddenly, it was on again, and Bucky turned to her, capturing her thighs and roughly pulling her with him as he turned back, ending with her straddling his lap.
There was a moment where she stared into Bucky's eyes, not quite sure what was going on, she was sure that was the moment he grabbed the pillow from her and threw it away somewhere, and then, in the next moment, his lips were pressed against her throat, licking and sucking kisses into her skin.
One hand was on her back, the other in her hair, holding her to him as he made his way around her throat and down her collarbone.
Ellie moaned as he got to a tender spot that made her panties wetter, and his hands moved.
Bucky had one hand on her hip, holding her as tight as he could to where he was lengthening, the other holding and massaging her breast as his mouth made its way down to it.
Ellie moaned again as he kissed and nipped over her chest through her shirt and bra, her hips starting to grind against his.
Soft, panted moans fell from her lips, punctuated by breathy sighs as his hand kneaded one breast while he nuzzled, nipped and mouthed at her through her shirt, making wet spots around her nipples.
Ellie's hands slid up into his hair, tightening around it and lightly tugging as she ground down into him, moaning at the feel of Bucky's hands squeezing her hips and pulling her tighter against him, making his stiff bulge rub into her wet soft spot.
She looked down at him, seeing his heavy lidded eyes on her breasts as he moved over them, one hand coming back up and giving one breast a squeeze before stroking over it. His expression was highly erotic, making the tingling between her thighs intensify.
Is that what he looked like during the shows? She had been missing out on a lot if it was.
The shows-
Wait.
Why had he suddenly grabbed her over here and started grinding on her?
Was it because he wanted to, with her?
She remembered her conversation with Tony, guilt filling her again about how she'd turned into such a hypocrite; wanting to have sex with her best friend again, and not for any part of their agreement. Sure, they were probably both a bit wound up after they'd both been through such a long drought, but-
Ellie remembered him flirting with the downstairs neighbor, just about every time she walked into the building and he was down there. She was sure that he'd rather be having sex with her…
Or was it more likely that she was the closest woman to him physically?
A low, dirty feeling congealed in the pit of her stomach. It felt distinctly like being used. Not the mutual kind of being used, like a one night stand where you both knew and agreed that it was just about sex and wasn't going anywhere, or like the agreement she and Bucky had made to do some risque things to pay the rent, no.
It was like that nasty, stepped on feeling after finding out that someone was only pretending to be your friend because you had something they wanted to use, like a pool in the middle of a hot summer.
Or the guy sitting next to you getting horny and having sex with you because you were right there, and he was too lazy to walk downstairs.
No.
NO.
NO!
She was worth more than being used and feeling this way!
Ellie shoved back from Bucky and he looked up at her in surprise.
"What the fuck Bucky?!" She demanded, nearly yelling.
She tried to push away, but his hands tightened on her hips, trying to keep her there.
She struggled for a second before punching him in the shoulder of his good arm, though she was a weakling compared to him, and it was probably closer to getting hit with a Nerf bat than a harmful punch. But it made him let go, so it worked.
She scrambled off of his lap, standing a safe distance from him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
Bucky shook his head and stood, looking at her apologetically. "Ellie, I-"
"You can't just fucking kiss your friends because you're horny!" She cried, trying to keep calm and stop herself from really freaking out or getting irrational.
"Ellie, that's not what that was," he pleaded.
"Bullshit!" She accused, her finger snapping up to point at how his stiff cock was pressing against his zipper.
Bucky glanced down at the bulge. "Ellie, you were on my lap-! I was holding you-"
"Pretty sure I'd be safe to bet it was there first," she snapped.
"It-" he cut himself off; it had been, a little bit- but only because he had been thinking of her! "Look, Ellie…"
"Yeah?" She demanded.
"I…"
"Yeah?" She demanded again angrily.
"Let me explain," he begged.
She lifted her hands, shaking her head at him, her posture asking, 'well?' for her. "I'm waiting, Bucky. I'm waiting to hear what you could possibly say to excuse this."
"I- I… don't know how to explain what happened," he realized, feeling at a complete loss at how to tell her, what to tell her, how to fix this.
He didn't know how he felt.
He didn't know why he wasn't able to stop thinking about her in ways that had nothing to do with friendship.
The only things he knew for certain were that he cared about her a lot because they were friends, and he couldn't stop thinking about her, about having sex with her, kissing her- cuddling on the couch with her…
But cuddling on the couch was something they would do when they were just friends, before anything sexual had happened, when he had a girlfriend, or she had a boyfriend.
In fact, he'd broken up with a couple of his girlfriends who had been jealous of it and had been rude to Ellie. Wanted to punch her last boyfriend, Tony, who he'd liked as a person, but had pissed him off when he'd started trying to separate them because he didn't like it.
Fuck.
He used to think of her getting a boyfriend as the opportunity to add another friend to their group. Now whenever he thought about her having a boyfriend, it made him sick to his stomach.
And angry.
He looked up from his self reflection to see her still standing and staring at him, waiting for an answer.
He couldn't give her an answer, because he didn't have one.
He didn't know.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I don't know what to say."
Ellie shook her head, letting her arms fall to her sides. "Well, you were right, Bucky," she told him softly.
He raised a brow, wondering what he could be right about.
"It seems that I always fall for assholes." With that she turned and stormed to her room, the door closing soundly behind her.
Bucky was stunned to silence.
What did her bad taste in her ex boyfriends have to do with anything?
He didn't have a clue, couldn't open his mouth to ask, he could only watch her go, feeling a sharp pain in his chest.