Mundane means, as Sakura discovered, were every bit as mundane as their name suggested. The scent of the paste coating her skin beneath the bandages was strong, and altogether rather hard to ignore. It didn't help that her sense of smell was naturally a little better than the average human. Ah, the joys of being a dragon amidst people who despised them so. Laughter escaped her then in the quietness of the room she had been given for her stay there. She had barely managed to escape the Halls of Healing, though someone would be along to change her bandages periodically and reapply the herbal remedy which was meant to be speeding her healing process along. Though, in all honesty, Sakura knew she would be staying there for quite a while. She hated it.
A knock on the door had her stirring from the abyss of boredom and bone-deep fear which was eating at her every minute longer she stayed there. Part of her couldn't help but wonder whether she would be consumed by it, or otherwise, unwittingly reveal herself as the monster she was. Blankly, she stared at the door, wondering if Lord Elrond was back to once more attempt to heal her, discover why she couldn't be healed, or otherwise pepper her with questions regarding that. He was a healer at heart, and the fire in his eyes spoke of his passion for that. Sakura tilted her head, thoughts stirring unbidden. There had been fire in those other grey eyes too, though for something other than healing. Pain pulsed through her temples, and she grunted as the door clicked open.
Sakura barely resisted the urge to curse colourfully in every language she knew – which was a lot by that point in time. Dragons had to sound somewhat cultured to back up their arrogance before they decided to burn intruders or enemies to cinders. And it was that same disgusting part of her which rose up, greed bubbling up in her belly at the sight of those golden locks as he entered the room. Grey eyes met her acrid green ones, and Sakura felt oh so terribly sick. She wanted to hide. She wanted to run far, far away from Imladris and all the accursed elves who lived there. The ones who would condemn her and kill her should they know of the name she bore upon her arm. Because her true name there was scrawled across her soulmate's back, and everyone of seeming importance there knew of the monster's name written in ink of the same colouring as her scales had once been. As her scales still were – because, like it or not, she was a dragon still, and there was no way she could stop being one.
"Good morning," he said cheerfully, and it took a few moments for her to muster the will to smile. He could never suspect anything, and that meant she had to smile. "Perchance are you feeling up for a walk?" her soulmate asked, blissfully unaware of how he made her heart ache. "You must rest, yes, but it likewise does no good to have you lie down for hour after hour." Sakura blinked, feeling as though she had to be staring at the personification of summer and joy himself How could he smile at her like that? Her eyes fell to the ground, shame curling in her gut then. Of course it was because he didn't know, and he could never know. "Lothien?" Glorfindel murmured, crouching down at her bedside then, and Sakura felt sick as she met those grey-grey eyes and saw the concern in them. Truly, she was a horrid trickster – a deceiver. Only a monster could have deceived and lied to their summery, bright soulmate who represented all things good and just in the world.
"Morning?" Her voice sounded terribly flat and lifeless even to her own ears, and she wanted nothing more than to hide beneath her covers and shut the world out. Was it too much to ask for everything to stop? Even if only for a moment, she would take that moment of silence and stillness over everything else. There was silence in that space between death and life, her mind whispered traitorously, and Sakura could scarcely believe she was playing with the idea of simply spilling her guts and dying by her soulmate's hand. It would be a terribly fitting end, and who knew? Maybe it would get rid of that shadow which lurked over her soulmate's heart. She ought to have helped with that, she knew, but fear and cowardice were but old friends by that point, lingering there, just out of sight, whispering sweet nothings to her. She just didn't want him to hate her, nor did she want to go back to the Elemental Nations. She didn't want to be called faulty again, nor did she want anymore betrayal. Not from Sasuke at least. If Glorfindel betrayed her… well… Sakura doubted she could call it a betrayal. She was the one who had betrayed him first, by merely being a twisted creature of flame, sorcery, and darkness itself.
"Lothien?" His eyebrows drew together then, concern marring his forehead as a crinkle appeared between his brows. She didn't deserve his concern. "What is the matter?" he asked, and Sakura wanted to sob. Urges rose in her unbidden, brought to the surface by the hope which curled like a whisper within her, barely there yet still present. She wanted nothing more than to simply bury her head in his chest and cry and whisper her apologies which would never erase that which she had done. No simple sorry could make up for the monster that she was. It was foolishness – perhaps madness – to think that it could. "Dear friend, will you not tell me what ails you so? Do you wish for me to fetch a healer? Is your chest perhaps hurting? We do not have to go for a walk. If you would prefer to remain in your room there is no harm in doing so," Glorfindel spoke, his words hushed and oh so gentle. She didn't deserve gentleness. Monsters never did. He stood then, and Sakura wasn't sure what flight of fancy overcame her as her hand lashed out faster than she thought possible. Faster than she could stop. Her fingers curled in the white fabric of the tunic he wore, and her brain couldn't get her to let go. It was illogical. Though then again, matters of the heart often were. She was being so very foolish. So very selfish. Yet she couldn't stop herself. "Lothien?" He was crouched at her side once more.
Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and Sakura lurched forwards, burying her head in his chest as she had wished to. It was such a stupid thing to do. She knew he hated her, though he didn't know it was her he hated. She would only wind up hurt. She knew she deserved that pain. Maybe that was why she was so eager to bury herself in his embrace. Oh how she craved that warmth from those arms which hesitantly came up around her, mindful of the slightly lighter bruising on her back. She knew he was so very confused over her actions right then and there. Maybe things would only make sense after the truth had come out, or perhaps he would come to think of it as just another of her deceptions. Only time would tell on that, but Sakura hated how the whispers of hope in her belly stirred. "How can you call me a friend?" she asked, the words slipping from her lips choked thick with tears. How could he call the soulmate he so despised a friend?
"You are a wonderful woman, Lothien," he said then, chest vibrating against her cheek as he spoke, his hands patting ever so gently at her back. She wasn't a woman. She was a dragon. She didn't deserve his gentleness. "Wise and so very canny, enough to match a dragon," Glorfindel continued, heedless of the fresh tears that brought to her eyes at the reminder that she was a creature of fire and death. A beast of ruin who belonged on the side other to his. "I do not know who would not wish to call you a friend, and I hope it was not too forward of me to call you as such."
A sob burst from her lips then, a wail escaping her as hands came up, fingers digging into his back as she clung to him so desperately. It was disgusting. "I'm sorry," she whispered, the words almost lost on her cries, but elven ears were oh so very sharp, and he stiffened beneath her desperate grasp upon him. Her eyes were throbbing, and Sakura knew they would betray her true nature should she meet his oh so very kind grey eyes right then and there. So she tightened her arms around him, hiding her shameful face away from his searching gaze as the words tumbled from her like the waters of a waterfall. "I'm sorry." That I'm deceiving you. "I'm sorry." That you have to be bound to someone like me. "I'm sorry." That I can never be that which you long for. "I'm sorry." That I cast such a long shadow over you. "I'm sorry." That I'm such a coward.
Sakura wasn't quite sure how long they spent, with her buried in his embrace, but her eyes were stiff by the time they dried, and her back hurt from the awkward position she had found herself in when she clung to him like he was a lifeline. Embarrassment and shame tinted her cheeks pink when she finally pulled away, her eyes no longer fully green and her pupils slitted no more. Her ears burnt, and she kept her gaze fixed on her feet, fear rolling over her skin like the scales she had once borne. She was so terribly weak, and she made for a terrible monster and an even more terrible soulmate. Her mouth felt dry, her body feeling drained as she sat there. She was horribly sore from how long she had spent simply sitting there.
"Do you wish to go for a walk now?" Glorfindel asked, his musical voice slicing through the dead silence which had fallen after her tears had dried. She had made a mess of his tunic, just as she had his boots what felt like months ago. It had been days at most. Sakura wondered why it felt like so much more time had passed than what actually had. "To take your mind off of… things…" he trailed off, the offer hanging in the balance then.
She already knew she was oh so terribly weak to her soulmate and his wishes, and so she was barely surprised when her head moved of its own volition, nodding weakly as she sat there, staring at her toes. She looked so very human. Her lip curled as she caught sight of herself in the mirror off to one side. Her features were so terribly delicate, heart-shaped face, bow-shaped lips, eyes just shy of being a touch too large, their colouring an unearthly shade of green. Pink hair only completed that look. That human shell she wore seemed so very delicate. So very unearthly, and there was an unfortunate beauty in that. Especially with the bandages she was wrapped in. She looked dainty. Like a strong breeze could blow her away. Though a cloak was quickly fastened over her, and she pulled those pastel pink, deceiving locks out from under it. Dimly, she wondered what her soulmate saw whenever he looked at her. Did he see the monster wearing such a pretty skin to conceal the lies and the dirt beneath? A soft, hopeless smile pulled at her lips. Of course he didn't. He would have despised her if he was that perceptive.
It was so wrong of her to want his love. She couldn't covet something which could never be hers, and Sakura swore to keep her urges more under control as his hand took her own. She couldn't weave her fingers in those golden locks, nor could she cut a few strands free and keep them under her pillow for her to lie upon. Bloody dragon instincts. Oh how she longed to hoard gold, especially that belonging to her soulmate. Everything about him was oh so golden, and Sakura was terribly content to simply bask in that aura. Though that would turn against her when the truth came out, as the secret truths always did. "Were you injured at all when you fought my—that second dragon?" she asked, fear nipping at her heels as she barely refrained from calling that dragon her kin. Sakura barely refrained from cursing and slamming her head into the nearest wall. She blamed her injuries and her unfortunate all too willing proximity to her soulmate. Those always made each other do stupid things what with that magnetic pull that even she – the worst possible soulmate in the entire world – could feel. She wondered if his eyes, too, were drawn to her.
"I came away with but a scratch," Glorfindel said, mirth lighting up his expression briefly before his eyes flickered to her chest concealed by bandages and the cloak. His cloak, or so she suspected, based off the underlying scent set upon it. Plus there was the way it swamped her so completely. It made her look so much smaller. He was taller than her by far. And wasn't that ironic, considering that which she was known for? It almost made her want to burst into laughter, but Glorfindel was already looking at her in concern, and she didn't particularly want to make that worse. It would only stab yet another dagger into her already bleeding heart. "You were by far the most injured, which might have been surprising, had I not already realised how very forthright and stubborn you are."
"Obstinate, I believe, is the word you are searching for," she mumbled then, hissing then as pain spiked in her ribs, and she slowed her pace then.
"Indeed," Glorfindel murmured, and Sakura hated and loved the arm which hovered behind her back then, ready to catch her should she fall. Part of her wanted to. The same part which hungered for that which had eluded her in all of her previous lifetimes. Love was such a difficult thing to find, even with the names of soulmates emblazoned on skin. Sakura doubted she would ever be worthy of love. She had lost her right to feel that after everything she had burnt and ruined in her blind anger. In the way she had blamed and hurt the rest of the world for a boy's betrayal. "Though my dear obstinate friend might better yet slow down, lest she wish to injure herself again," he said, and Sakura snorted once more – wincing seconds later at the sharp pain which throbbed through her chest. "And it seems as though I ought to endeavour not to make you laugh."
Sakura only smiled that time. "It certainly seems that way…" she mumbled, heart aching at that brilliant grin she received. It hurt so very much, and Sakura played with the idea that he knew how much it hurt her so. She wouldn't mind if he did. Pain was no less than she deserved. But Glorfindel wasn't her. He wasn't cruel like she was. He was her opposite. And opposites were meant to attract, weren't they? Maybe if it weren't good and evil, death and life, and the like… Maybe then… But there was no use in mulling over lost possibilities. She was what she was. A monster. Nothing could change that, no matter how long she mulled on that thought. "Though I am used to pain by now," she whispered, staring off into the distance, far away from those grey-grey eyes which cut into her so. They felt like they stared through the human skin she wore to reveal the face of the monster which lurked beneath.
"That is hardly something to be proud of," he said, a frown pulling at his lips, and Sakura couldn't help but wonder what she was to him in that instant. Surely friends weren't like what they were acting as in that instant? "For it means you have been injured far too many a times." She met those eyes which transfixed her so then, swallowing at the myriad of emotions swirling within them. "Tell me," Glorfindel said, curiosity evidently getting the better of him right then and there, "how did that scar on your chest come to be? Is that what you speak of when you say you are so used to pain?"
"This," Sakura murmured, hand going to rest over heart then, hairs on end as she remembered that crackle – that chirping like a thousand birds – and the squelch and snap of bone as that pale white hand ripped through her chest. "This…" Her voice shook, face turning a chalky shade of white along with the rest of her as she remembered how much she had loved that boy. How she had thought he would never do such a thing… Her hands shook as she remembered her first death. And the warping fire and sorcery which had twisted her very soul into that which she was to that very day.
"Lothien." Hands took her own into larger ones, wrapping them within the warmth. The same warmth which reminded her of how she wasn't yet a cooling corpse. It was probably just a matter of time. She deserved death. "I did not mean to bring up unpleasant memor—"
"I loved him," she whispered, traitorous tears building in her eyes.
Those grey-grey eyes widened, and his fingers let her own drop as one hand went to brush briefly over that old scar marking. "Your soulmate did such a harm to you?" he asked, voice trembling with an emotion Sakura couldn't quite place.
She shook her head. "No. It was someone else… back when my arm was still blank," she mumbled, barely paying heed to the words spilling from her lips. Why had she told him the location of that damning name on her skin? "My soulmate would never do such a thing," she whispered, swaying on her feet as the world spun. "He's everything good… everything I'm not… everything I wish I could have been for him…"
"Lothien," his voice came in crystal clarity then, and Sakura blinked weakly up at him. She hated her own weakness. She hated the name Uchiha Sasuke. "I am going to bring you back inside now," he said, and she only hummed as her centre of gravity shifted. His arms were so very warm. Dimly, she was aware of resting her head against his warm shoulder, the many halls of Imladris passing around them as her soulmate took her who knew where. Sakura doubted she could care, even if he were carrying her to her death.
"Do you need me to fetch my father?" another voice broke through the haze and murkiness she found herself trapped within.
"I do not think that will be necessary," Glorfindel said, and Sakura snuggled into that blissful warmth, wishing it could drive away the block of ice she could feel within her chest. She felt so very cold. So very tired of everything right then and there. "Though thank you for the consideration."
"There is no need to," that same voice rang out, and Sakura had yet to place it or even connect it to a name. Probably someone she had yet to be introduced to. "Everyone is all too aware of how attached you are to your mortal."
"She is but a dear friend, Elladan," Glorfindel said then, and Sakura shifted within his hold, hoping she would soon be back in her room and able to bundle herself up within blankets.
"One you have known for but a matter of days," Elladan replied. "Do you not find it odd how very attached you have grown to her within this time?" he asked, and Sakura couldn't help but here the odd accusatory tone in his voice. Did he know she was a dragon, and think she had her soulmate wrapped up within a spell?
"We fought a dragon together," her soulmate continued, heedless of whatever look the other elf was giving him. "She was magnificent, Elladan, and there was fire in her eyes when she stood, wrapped within the coils of that beast… How could I not concern myself with her welfare after such a sight? Not the least since I was meant to be the one in the main line of fire…"
Elladan sighed then. "Yet you know what happens to unwitting moths when they draw too close to the flame."
Laughter rumbled in Glorfindel's chest, and Sakura hummed quietly, liking the rich, rolling sound. It was like music to her ears. "You are a thousand years too young to warn me of that," he said, and from the sounds of things, Sakura presumed the other took no offence. "I know what I am doing."
Sakura could only sigh. He didn't.
He wouldn't be carrying her otherwise.