Chapter 12: "It's Not Easy To Forget"
The next time that Alyssa met up with the junior squad, they had her come to them — for security concerns — though she didn't mind at all, especially when she was coming into the institute and spotted James.
She didn't even think about it before she rushed over and simply hugged the breath out of him. "I'm so glad you're alright!" she gushed.
It took him a moment to register who it was that was hugging him, particularly since she had not done that ever before. "Hello, nice to see you too," James replied in a matter-of-fact tone, though he'd already automatically returned the hug. "Have you been coming up to the house?"
She shook her head. "No, no, I'm just here for an interview, but I couldn't not say hi," she explained.
"Oh," James looked surprised by that for a moment. "Who are you interviewing?"
"The junior squad," Alyssa explained, frowning his way. "Oh, but I guess you're still recovering."
He tipped his head to the side, "Yeah. you could say that," he said before he shrugged lightly. "I'm not on the team anymore."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what you've been through, and I know it has to be hard."
He put his hands in his back pockets at that. "Yeah, it's been a pretty crappy run."
"Well … get back on the horse — that's what I always say," Alyssa said with a warm smile. "And we're all pulling for you, really."
"You're sweet," James said. "But that's not entirely true."
"It's true for millions of people," Alyssa insisted. "If you want, I can send you some of the messages I've been getting."
"It's not ... " He sighed. "You don't need to do that." He looked past her to see the junior team starting to show up. "I should get out of your way. Good luck. They're crappy interviews, I'm sure."
"Thanks — but you're supposed to say 'break a leg' in show biz," she said with a smile.
He gestured with both hands openly, walking backwards. "Yeah, see? Botched that too."
"You just need more practice," she said, waving the tips of her fingers as she headed off to talk to the junior squad and get the official update on how the team was recovering after the ordeal.
A poof of pink alerted James to the fact that he'd had an audience. "I'm trying so hard not to be my mother right now," Kari said as she watched Alyssa head off with the team.
"You're failing already," James said without turning her way.
"Yes, but I've never met that girl, and she's giving you hugs, and I'm trying so hard not to take the obvious route."
That did, however, get James to turn her way, rolling his entire body toward her as he did so. "What's the obvious route?"
Kari faced him and grinned. "Hug magnet," she said simply.
His expression went entirely flat. "Doesn't count when everyone has agreed to do it behind my back," he said.
"I've never seen that girl before," Kari pointed out.
"I have," he said with a little shrug. "She's the one running the webcasts."
Kari shook her head. "I still say it's just… sitting there."
"Just what I need," James said, then took a long drink of water. "Someone else putting one of Dad's handles on me." He turned to point a finger her way. "If you call me 'Patch,' I'm never talking to you again. Fair warning."
"What if you start wearing an eyepatch? It might be some kind of automatic Hawkeye reaction I can't stop," Kari argued.
"If I start wearing an eyepatch, it's gonna be because I lost an eye, and then I'd hope that your imagination is better than that."
She couldn't help but laugh at that. "Okay, fair."
He looked up and then glanced around the room. "Am I still on full-time babysitting detail?"
"I don't know," Kari said. "I'm not hanging around you just to keep an eye on you, if that's what you're saying."
"I was wondering," he admitted. "Your timing is questionable."
"I just want to spend time with my best friend," she said. "Really."
He considered her as he headed over to take a seat. "Anything new that I should know about since the last time I saw you? It's been … oh, hours."
She rolled her eyes at that. "James, we don't have to treat this like a debriefing. I just want to be around you."
"I know, but you have to be getting bored," he argued.
"Are you?"
"No, but I … don't think I'm doing anything interesting for anyone to want to be around me for longer than necessary."
"You could say the same thing about me," Kari said. "I'm usually somewhere with a sketchbook or my paints, and that's not interesting for long."
"You do make up some great fiction about strange girls, though," he pointed out.
Kari smiled at that. "I have a good imagination."
"Yet you only came up with 'hug magnet'."
"It just… fit… so well," Kari said, trying hard not to giggle.
"Failure at naming. Try again."
"Dandy?" she teased.
"Wh-a-a-at? No."
"You so, so are," Kari laughed easily.
He shook his head and pushed his water bottle away. "Okay, I need a new best friend."
"That's just so mean," Kari said, giving him her best pout.
"I don't think so," he said, shaking his head.
Kari made a face at him, though before she could respond more than that, there was a poof of blue — and then a poof of pink as she came back, looking annoyed. The bamfs had spotted her and teleported her away from James, though she'd come back on her own steam. "Ugh," she said. "Sorry."
James let out a sigh and shook his head. "They're right, you know."
"They're not," Kari insisted. "It's harder for them to be as forgiving as the rest of us, even if I know they understand what it means to be controlled." She directed that last part at the ceiling.
"They don't have to forgive anything," James said before he glanced over to spot a pair of bamfs across the way. "I don't understand them anymore. Obviously, they're smart enough to know I'm different."
Kari leaned over and rested her hand on his arm. "They'll come around," she promised. "They're just overly protective of us elflings."
"No, they won't come around, and they don't have to. Who was the last person to kill one?" James challenged.
Kari let her shoulders drop. "I don't think it's ever happened before," she admitted, though she frowned to herself wondering if her demonic grandfather had killed one or two.
He gestured to where the pair of bamfs were quietly growling. "They have good reason to hate me, then."
"But they don't get to say who my best friend is," Kari insisted. "And I know the truth."
James leaned toward her slightly. "They just want you to be safe."
"I know," she said, holding his gaze. "But I am safe. You're not going to hurt me; we both know that."
"I'm sure they thought that I wouldn't hurt them, too," James said.
"James..." She shook her head lightly. "That wasn't you. It was Apocalypse."
"I'm not the same person that I was," he said.
"No, you're not," she agreed. "And I wouldn't expect you to be. Just like Krissy doesn't expect Sying to be the same."
"Krissy was already married; she's following vows. You don't have to stick around. At all."
"So, what, you think someone has to take a vow just to stand by someone?"
"No, I'm saying she was obligated."
Kari leaned forward with a real spark to her gaze. "Take that back this instant," she snapped.
James blinked at her a few times, not having expected that reaction, but also unable to back down from a sudden challenge. "Make me."
Kari's tail was switching behind her. "You take it back. You take it back right now. My sister loves him, and she cares about him, and it's not obligation that has her standing by him!"
"No, it's obligation on top of all the rest of it," James said. "I never said she didn't love him or cared about him."
"You just treat this whole thing so cavalierly!" Kari said, starting to get really worked up. "Like it's not possible for people to care or to love each other even in the worst of times, like — like it's all just a cold calculation in one of your experiments." Her eyes welled up with tears. "You can't scientifically measure love, James. You can't tell people to stop, either."
He stared at her for a moment, clearly at a loss for words. "That's not at all what I was trying to say," James said. "I was just … I was agreeing with the bamfs."
Kari glared at him as she wiped the fur under her eyes. "You just — you say things, and I don't think you realize how you sound," she said.
"I just want you to be safe. And happy."
"And I want the same thing for you," Kari insisted.
He let out all of his breath in a rush and gestured widely. "Why the hell are we arguing?"
Kari let out a shaky kind of laugh as she shook her head and sniffed. "I don't know," she admitted.
"Can we just not? Or do you want to hit me? Don't aim for anything bony. You'll just hurt yourself."
Kari laughed again and shook her head. "No, I don't — I'm sorry; I just got so frustrated with all of it — and it's not just you," she said in a rush. "All of it."
"I got that."
"Let's — let's do something else. Maybe you can help me look through some of my paint supplies… I need to get more."
"I can take notes for you," he said, nodding. "Provided you don't get teleported out."
"If they do that, I'll just teleport back."
Chance and Elin had been asleep together in their room — right up until the bamfs appeared nearby, with a clearly panicked Sying along for the ride. They had decided to pluck him out of the room with Krissy when he'd gotten to the point that he wasn't responding to her. Like they were doing with Kari, they were trying to protect their family, especially after losing one of their brothers. And for Krissy, their goal was to try and keep her from getting overly upset when she was several months pregnant and prone to crying when this kind of thing happened.
But that meant that Elin and Chance suddenly had a very freaked out half-Kree curled up in a ball in the middle of their room.
"Oh, hello," Elin said under her breath, popping out of bed the instant she heard the sound of the teleporting. "What happened?"
"Dreaming," Sying said through his teeth, clearly trying to get it back under control.
"Oh, alright then," Elin said before she looked up at Chance, though she was already crouched next to Sying. "What do you want me to do?"
"Hug him, El," Chance said as he got up as well. "Helped me when I was the one freaking out."
She gave him a little look but slipped down to snuggle Sying tightly. She stayed there until Sying's breathing started to even out, and he clutched onto her.
"I remember all of it, Elin," he told her quietly. "I can't push it back when I'm asleep."
Elin held her breath for a moment and looked more concerned as she glanced up at Chance. "That … makes sense. You can't fight a dream."
Sying nodded as he tried to get a hold of himself again. "I was there when he killed Aunt Kitty," he told her in that same quiet whisper.
"She … made it to the hiding spot," Elin told him. "Dad and Peter and Rachel … Illyana … they were all mind linked when it happened."
"I'm so sorry," he said.
"That was all him," she told him, still speaking softly. "But … you didn't see her die. You only saw her get attacked. You need to know that."
"It's like seeing the moment someone was shot. Even if I wasn't there for the moment she died, I knew what was going to happen," Sying said. "And I keep thinking… I keep trying to stop him, but I never can."
She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You know what Mom used to say about dreams, right? They can start out as memories or fears, but you can control a dream. It's hard. And you have to focus to do it, but you can change the dream into what you'd like to have done."
"I'm trying," he said.
"I know, I just … wanted to repeat it. That's all."
He hugged her tighter for a moment before he finally let out all his breath and let her go.
"Hey, let's go work on the Cherry Bomb," Chance suggested. "Might help to get something to do with your hands."
"I'll bring Krissy some breakfast," Elin offered. "Just text her so she knows what's going on first and doesn't get too upset."
Sying smiled at that and nodded, and Chance gave Elin a little grin. "See you later, sweetheart — we're going out for some guy time!" he called out as he pulled Sying to his feet and headed off with him.
"Oh sure," she said, waving his way as she headed the opposite way. "Just remember: I'm taking James later. So … you're on your own for a while."
"I'll probably die of boredom," he promised.
Elin shook her head at him and made her way down to the kitchen first to get breakfast for Krissy. She carefully gathered up all of her favorite things and got a carafe of coffee before she paused and took a few steps backward to stop in front of the refrigerator and smirked to herself.
She couldn't help but hum to herself as she added the final touch to Krissy's breakfast offerings and covered the whole thing with a tea towel before she headed up the stairs. She barely knocked before she opened the door and gave her best friend a little smile.
"So … our guys are out being … guys. So I thought I'd make sure you didn't starve to death in the meantime," Elin said.
"You're so thoughtful," Krissy said, sitting up a bit. She looked a little less purple and a little more green, but she was getting late in the pregnancy at that point, and a flexible little gymnast with a tail was pushing on things that were not meant to be pushed on. "Is he okay?"
"He … was more or less together when the guys left to compare manliness," Elin said.
"He's been doing so well," Krissy said quietly as she patted the bed for Elin to join her. "But I know he still has nightmares. Last time, he thought he'd killed his dad instead of just hurting him."
Elin brought the tray over and pulled a chair to set the coffee on. "This time, he said it was when Kitty died," she told her, pouring her a cup of coffee.
"That one tears him up," Krissy admitted.
"I told him that she didn't die then, which I know won't help a lot. But she did get to see the people she loved most — most of them, anyhow — before she did go."
Krissy nodded at that, her lips set in a frown, though she couldn't quite stop the little scoffing sort of laugh when she saw the pickles that Elin had brought up. "Really, Ellie?"
"What? That's not a thing? I thought that was a thing," Elin said with a little shrug.
Krissy laughed and reached over to shove Elin in the shoulder. "I may be pregnant, but even my cravings are not that ridiculous."
"You don't know … it might be what you really want but are trying oh so hard to deny," she laughed.
"Oh, I hate you so much sometimes," Krissy said, wrinkling up her nose.
"Yeah, but admit it … you're curious now," Elin said, gesturing to the jar next to Krissy.
"No. So, so much no," Krissy insisted, wrinkling her nose. "Don't even open it. I will throw up on you."
"I'm sure it won't be the first or last time," Elin said in a sigh as she leaned back next to Krissy.
"You know, Mama said that the first trimester was the worst for feeling sick, but she was so, so wrong," Krissy grumbled.
"Well … I don't know what to tell you other than … um. Maybe that just means she's healthy?"
"And active. I swear, if she gets super speed, Sying will be impossible to live with," Krissy said.
"Then I'll just cross my fingers for your sake," Elin said before she reached over to rub Krissy's back. "Sorry you're miserable."
"Me too," Krissy grumbled. She leaned over to rest her head on Elin's shoulder. "But she's just… going to be so amazing."
"I'm glad you're all … glowy and happy," Elin told her. "It is a cute look on you."
Krissy giggled at that, snuggling into her friend's shoulder a little better. "I always thought I'd have a nice, big family."
"Well … nothing says you can't," Elin said with a nod. "Just … maybe take your time on getting it. No rush."
"We actually weren't actively trying," Krissy admitted. "We talked about it, but obviously, I wasn't expecting... "
Elin turned to look at her and raised an eyebrow. "My mother told me that if you're not actively trying not to, then you're trying. That's … the philosophy I'm running with."
"If you say so," Krissy said with a smile. "But I'm glad. It makes Sying happy."
"I know, and I'm really glad that you and the little one are anchoring him so well," Elin told her earnestly.
"He is pretty nervous," Krissy admitted. "He's so worried; he still has moments of panic. He doesn't want our baby girl to have a 'flighty father' I think is what he called himself." She shook her head. "He's a sweetheart. But he doesn't give himself enough credit."
"I think that's a running issue with our favorite Horsemen," Elin said. "Not enough credit."
"As I understand it, that was part of the brainwashing," Krissy said.
Elin shook her head at that. "I wouldn't be surprised, but I swear, Kris, I don't know what to do with James half the time or better. He's drifting. So hard."
Krissy leaned over and put her arms around Elin in a serious snuggle. "Kari's worried about him. Papa too."
"It's so frustrating," Elin said, nodding. "And if it's not Apocalypse hang ups with him, he's got this whole … attitude like he doesn't deserve to even try. I thought for sure having Alyssa by would get him flirting for the sake of flirting … but I swear. Nothing."
"I don't even know what to tell you," Krissy said. "These boys… they're going to drive me up the wall."
"They're idiots, all of them," Elin decided.
"That's why we're having a girl," Krissy giggled.
"Thank goodness," Elin said.
"Will you be godmother?" Krissy asked. "And take care of her and make sure she can scare boys to bits?"
"Seriously?"
"Um, yes," Krissy said. "Sying and I both adore you."
"Um, yeah," Elin replied in the same tone. "If that's what you want me to do, yes."
"Good," Krissy said with a smile. "She'll be able to take down any boys until she's, you know…" She gestured at herself. "Eighteen, I guess," she said with a sheepish smile.
"I will be failing in my duties if I don't give any stupid boys a hard time that chase her," Elin said.
"Oh good. I knew we picked well," Krissy said.
She smiled and shook her head again before she decided to redirect. "Did you hear about Sadie and Howard?"
"Considering my little brother was there when he came rushing in all dashing and worried about her?" Krissy giggled. "Totally."
"Is he heartbroken?" Elin asked with a little laugh.
"A little bit," Krissy admitted with a laugh. "He flirts with every single girl his age, and when they flirt with other boys, he's just so shocked." She shook her head. "He moped for days when the twins started dating their space boys."
"Oh, then it's probably good that he didn't check in on Sadie's movie night ... "
"Do I even need to ask? Considering it's a Stark and your sister?" Krissy asked.
Elin grinned almost proudly. "She's the aggressor."
"Oh my gosh, Ellie."
"He's so stunned he doesn't know what to do other than just roll with it."
"That is amazing," Krissy giggled. "She'll have him wrapped around her finger by the second date."
"Pretty sure she already does," Elin laughed. "She said she laid down the ground rules — which was basically that she was in charge."
"He isn't going to know what hit him," Krissy said. "Your sister is a heartbreaker."
"She is, and she has a nasty mean streak too, so God help him if he ticks her off."
"I'm sure he's aware," Krissy said, laughing. "The way Chance tells it, that's half the allure."
"Clearly, they're touched in the head."
"Probably," Krissy teased.
Elin pushed the tray closer to Krissy. "Don't forget your pickles. To go with your pancakes."
"Nasty mean streak," Krissy said, scrunching up her nose at Elin.
"You love my nasty mean streak."
"Oh sure," Krissy said, laughing at her as she poured her syrup. "It has to come out sometimes."
"Yeah, but I'm not a demon, so the only excuse I can use is just … instincts."
"Love you anyway, Ellie."
"Love you too, obviously." When Krissy turned her head, Elin refilled her coffee cup for her, then snuggled down into Sying's spot, though when one of the bamfs came over to get a snuggle, she growled at him. "Don't start," she warned him.
The bamf teleported away from Elin and pouted dramatically.
"They're being … demons," Elin explained.
"They are demons," Krissy said, leaning back. "And they're just trying to protect my little sister."
"I understand that," Elin said, nodding, before she glared at the little guy that was pouting. "I just wonder how they would have reacted if my brother had managed to do himself in like he was trying to do."
The bamf frowned her way for a moment and kicked the floor before teleporting away, leaving Krissy shaking her head. "They… need time."
"I know," Elin agreed. "And he needs space and can't get it."
"Yeah, I think it helped Sying a lot to go to Hala. I wish James had something like that."
"He won't go to space," Elin said. "But I think it's about time to intervene."
"Well, he's welcome to an inducer," Krissy said. "That will help."
"He's stubborn like Dad and refuses to wear one."
"He's just making it harder on himself," Krissy said, rolling her eyes.
"He wants someone to hit him," Elin told her. "Or hurt him."
"Leaving aside the part where that means he wants someone to break their hand…"
"He's still not healing. He thinks it'll even out."
"No offense, Elin, but your brother is an idiot."
"No kidding," she said. "But I've been saying that forever."
Krissy shook her head behind her coffee cup. "I hope he snaps out of it soon. I know he's improving, but still."
"Yeah, I know," she agreed. "I think part of it is that he missed the funerals."
"Papa was a mess," Krissy said softly. "I don't think he could speak when we buried the bamf, and it wasn't that different with Kitty, even if he was supposed to speak."
"Yeah, but James saw Vanessa was dead and rushed to help Chance," Elin told her. "And he never got to … he didn't get to say goodbye properly, and he knows her funeral was a small affair. And that's in addition to the others. He missed all of them."
"Yeah," Krissy said quietly. She glanced up at Elin. "We… we couldn't decide on godfather. Sying wanted to ask James, but it's so up in the air, we're thinking about Chance instead. I'm not sure James would accept it."
Elin had her eyes narrowed slightly. "Yeah, well. You gotta do what you think is right. I know Billy had a private word with James, and that was when he started to... you know... not actively look for an opportunity to kill himself."
"God bless Billy Kaplan," Krissy said.
"Yeah, I think he's just taking pity on him because he was so upset to hear what happened that day? You know. Before the Apocalypse nonsense really got into full swing."
"He's a romantic," Krissy said. "Kaleb insists that's why he is the way he is: his godfather's influence."
"He really is. And Chance and I are positive that 'Nessa saw what was going to happen — to her at least — just before it did."
"I didn't know that part," Krissy said softly.
Elin smirked a little bit and peeked up at Krissy. "She kissed the living daylights out of him just before the car got hit."
"Well, that's one way to go out," Krissy said.
"Thought you might like that," Elin said, though she frowned at her hands. That was a point that Elin was actually angry about … how she was sure Vanessa knew, and instead of warning them, she took her best way out and left James sideswiped. She knew James was torturing himself wondering if he could have helped her with a warning.
But there wasn't anything she could do about that. Which sucked.