The adjustment to this new life was difficult for Rey.
The home that the Solos opened up to her did not feel comfortable. Perhaps she wouldn't let herself get comfortable there, in much the same way the orphanage felt impermanent. She'd never known a true home in her life, though she hoped to one day.
The one consolation she had was her job, where she could immerse herself in something tangible and familiar. If Han Solo wanted to get an idea of Rey's work ethic, he got an eyeful of it. She put every ounce of energy she had into learning how each of Solo Flight's planes worked, how to maintain them, and how to repair them. The learning curve was steep, but she threw herself into the challenge. It was the one part of her life she had control over.
Rey knew that if she slowed down long enough to think, she would be forced to acknowledge things deep down that she had no clue how to face. Feelings that would only tear at her already tattered heart.
There were, however, bright spots in her days. Rose Tico had become a fast friend and she was grateful that the other lady had taken Rey under her wing. They worked well alongside each other, and Rey was learning the exacting science of aviation mechanics under Rose's steady tutelage.
Han mentioned her at a mid-week crew meeting and that he liked the work he was seeing her do. Rose told her that a compliment like that from Han Solo was high praise indeed. Rey only shrugged her shoulder, not finding the enthusiasm to care about his praise.
Rey found out that Rose had the funniest sense of humor. Her goal in life was to give Solo Flight's jet pilot, Poe Dameron, as much shit as she could dish out. The reason for this was the ridiculous gripe reports he left for maintenance after each of his flights. His last report stated that the "landing gear sounds like a Wookiee giving birth when being lowered." Rose fixed the problem and then replied on the resolution report that the "gear was properly lubed. Congratulations, Dameron, you're a daddy."
Rose had warned Rey about Poe and his antics. She nudged Rey from behind the wing assembly and lifted her chin to show her where she was looking. "There's Poe. He's staring at you, the creepy old flirt."
Rey glanced up and, indeed, saw Poe gazing their way. Poe wasn't old. He may have been in his thirties, dark brown hair, dark eyes, and honestly, roguishly handsome.
She shook her head and went back to work. "He calls me a grease monkey. So don't worry," Rey responded. "I don't want to flirt with him."
Rose hummed as she continued tinkering on the engine. "Already got your eye on someone else?" she teased.
Sucking in a deep, calming breath, Rey thought about a raven-haired man who possessed such an interesting face. She'd conjured that face in her mind more times than she could count over the past weeks.
Rose snorted, riffling the black hair that had curled around her face. "You're taking too long to answer. That means it's a big fat yes." She whacked Rey on the arm. "Who is it?" Rose's eyes immediately scanned the other guys working in the hangar.
"Just someone I met before I began working here. I haven't seen him in a while."
"Oh. What's he like?"
They both continued to work, and the corner of Rey's mouth raised in half a smile. "Tall, dark and mysterious." A ghost. Her almost-smile fell flat.
Rose went still and said, "Ooh, honey. You're going to have to spill it all, now. Ro Ro likes tall, dark, mystery men."
Rey thought back to the time she would have loved to have another girl to chat with about Kylo and how he made her feel. But now, she hardly knew what she could say.
"He got me out of a bad situation. He was kind to me. But I don't think that normal people would consider him to be a kind man."
"Oh, Sula… What was the bad situation you were in?" Rose asked, worry clouded her eyes.
Rey kept her mouth shut about getting shot. And about being hunted by an assassin. And how Kylo had murdered people in cold blood right in front of her.
"I guess you could say I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He… helped me. Gave me a place to stay. Got me on my feet again." Vague, vague, vague. She hoped Rose wouldn't notice.
"Why would your mystery man not be considered kind? He sounds okay to me. No! " she rasped with conviction. She splayed her hands out in front of her. "Wait, is he kinky? Is he into the weird stuff? Was he all like, 'Who's your daddy?'" Rose's voice dropped lower, too eager for juicy gossip.
Rey blinked several times. "I wouldn't know… about… that." She cut her eyes to Rose and made a face.
"Darn." Rose tossed a wrench back into the toolbox. "But you like this guy, right?"
Rey's cheeks got hot while she avoided Rose's eyes. "Yes."
"Why don't you call him up?"
Turning to fully face Rose, she poked at her cheek with her tongue and thought about it.
"Maybe."
She actually didn't have Kylo's phone number, but Han might. She stretched over Rose's workspace to grab another tool.
Rose sniffed a few times, crinkling her nose. "Ew. I don't mean to sound like an ass, but… when was the last time you had a shower, Su?"
Rey froze mid reach across Rose's workspace, keenly aware that the day had been long and hot and by that time, she'd begun to get whiffy.
"Sorry, Ro. I ran out of deodorant a few days ago. I've actually run out of a lot of things. I guess I need to go to the store."
"Me too. How about we go together after we're off the clock?"
"Okay, sure. That works for me," she told Rose. And that reminded her. Rey didn't have any money to even buy the things she needed. "I need to go talk to the boss."
Rose waved her off and Rey went to find Han Solo, wiping her hands with a grimy rag on the way to his cluttered office. He looked up from behind round, gold-rimmed eyeglasses that dangled from the end of his nose when she knocked.
"Make it snappy. I've got more flight plans to fill out before I leave tonight."
"What am I supposed to do about money? I need to go buy some essentials tonight and I can't." She stuck her hands into the pockets of her bright orange Solo Flight coveralls and leaned against the door frame.
"Oh, hell," he grumbled. "I'm sorry, kid. Should have said something sooner. Payroll has been depositing your pay directly to your account. Here," he shuffled some things around and pulled an envelope from a drawer and handed it over to her. "There's an account card. You can use it to buy whatever you need just about anywhere."
Confused, Rey said, "I have money in an account? How much?"
"Open it up and see."
Tearing into the envelope, she found a black credit card, banking information, and a receipt from when the account was first opened under the identity of Ursula Kuat. There was a lot of money in it, and the date listed was from over a month ago.
"I don't understand. How is there so much?" She knew her paychecks weren't that good.
Han slumped back in his chair and regarded her with a frown. He lowered his voice when he said, "Kylo wanted to make sure you were provided for."
Rey's eyes snapped to Han's. She held her breath as her heart beat heavily behind her ribs.
"Have you heard from him?" Hope sparkled like a glow bug flitting through Leia's vineyard in the twilight.
Han shook his head.
And the spark fizzled out just as quickly as it came. Deflated, Rey turned to leave.
"Hey, kid." Han's voice stopped her. He hesitated before he said, "Don't give up on him. I've been waiting twenty years."
Unable to look Han in the eye, Rey nodded sadly, said, "Thanks for this." She paused. "Do you happen to know how I may reach him?"
Han hefted a breath and fiddled around the stacks of paper on his desk, finally ripping the corner off a supply list, and scribbled a number on the scrap. He held it out to her. She clutched it in her fist, but before he let it go, he asked, "What was he like?" His voice was very quiet and laced with yearning.
Rey held her breath. But she found it easy to be honest about this, about Kylo. "Strong. Capable. Tidy." She pointedly looked at Han's desk. She almost smiled when she said, "Kind," but that look melted away when she whispered the last attribute. "Deadly."
Han let go of the scrap of paper with a nod, blinking quickly. Rey nodded too and left his office, wondering how the lives of the Solo family had gone so wrong.
Rose gave her a puzzled expression once Rey returned to the engine they were tuning.
"You all right, Su? Did the boss get snippy with you?"
Rey glanced up at Rose and shook her head. "No, actually, he's a good boss." A wild sense of twisted irony made her say, "Better than my last boss."
Rose pulled a face that indicated she was impressed. "Well, let's get this done so we can head out. I'll drive."
Rey continued to work but she got distracted by the fact that all the other people at the Plutt garage were now dead. Because of her alone? She blinked and looked at Rose. She'd never forgive herself if something like that happened at Solo Flight. Was she a danger to the people here too?
An hour and a half later, they both had a few shopping bags between them. Rey was glad to finally get the things she'd needed. She had used up all the personal items Kylo had procured for her in Coruscant.
Here she was, once more, floored by another kind thing her Angel of Death had done for her. There was more than enough money in that account to buy a new speeder bike if she wanted. But, even though the money was accessible to her, she didn't feel right about using it. It wasn't really her money, it was Kylo's.
"You want to grab something to eat?" Rose asked her.
"Yes," she replied. "I don't remember when I ate last." Maybe the night before?
"How can you go so long without eating?" Rose asked, incredulous.
"I don't know. I just forget sometimes." It was easy to do when her gut was tied up in knots and her appetite was long gone.
Rose scoffed. "Let's go put some meat on your bones, Su."
Rey gave her a wan smile. "As long as you don't mind sitting with a smelly grease monkey."
Later, with full bellies, they headed back out to Rose's little red two door coupe. A flashing sign across the street at a strip mall caught Rey's attention. It blinked Storm Fitness in neon blue, and below that, there was a banner that read Self Defense Classes.
Rey pointed to it and told Rose that she needed to go across the street. Rose obliged her and they both stood outside the big window of the gym looking in. Exercise equipment of various kinds were lined up in rows. A wall of mirrors reflected racks of weights and a large open space padded with bright blue mats.
Rey read some of the signage about the gym that was tacked on the door. She would need to have a membership if she wanted to join the self defense classes. A fire sputtered to life within her. It felt like years since she'd grappled with Kylo in the basement of the mountain house. She remembered all that control she wanted to take back for herself.
Rey gripped the door handle and pulled, telling Rose that she was joining.
"You are?"
Rey found the reception desk and whacked the bell sitting atop the counter. A few moments passed before a handsome man with dark skin stepped out to greet them with a bright smile.
"Good evening, ladies. Welcome to Storm Fitness. Can I interest you in a membership?"
"Yes," Rey piped. "I'm especially interested in the self defense classes."
"You are?" Rose parroted behind her.
"She is too," Rey pointed her thumb at Rose.
"I am?"
"Aren't you?" the man asked Rose.
Rey glanced at her in time to see her dissolve into a giddy, round-cheeked smile and fluttering eyelashes. "Yeah, I am," Rose sighed.
Rey elbowed her and shot her a look. Rose stumbled, but shot the same look back to Rey.
"Excellent. I'm Finn Storm, by the way." He began gathering paperwork and clipboards.
"I'm Rey-Sula. Ursula. But call me Sula for short. This is Rose." Rey gestured to Rose again to distract them from her mess up. She still had not grown accustomed to her new name.
"It's nice to meet you both. Fill these out, and then I'll get you squared away." He seemed to give Rose an extra long look when he handed her the clipboard.
They both giggled once Finn was out of earshot. "You saucy minx," Rey fired at Rose under her breath.
"Stop it," Rose fired back, still breathless.
After they paid and checked the times for the next classes, they gave Finn a farewell and he handed them both a business card. On the way to Rose's coupe, Rey teased her about now having Finn Storm's phone number.
As lighthearted as Rey felt in that moment, her thoughts turned to Kylo and how much she wanted to call him and ask him how his life was going, now that she had his number burning a hole in her pocket. She almost instantly lost her nerve. It wasn't like they'd had any deep, personal conversations in the short time they were thrown together. Kylo never gave away much, closed off as he was. Yet her limping heart didn't want to agree with her. He'd probably opened up to her more than he had with anyone.
"So why the sudden interest in self defense classes?" Rose asked her as they pulled out onto the highway back to the Solo house.
Rey shook herself from her sullen thoughts. "I started training with someone before I moved here. I learned a lot from them, but I'd like to learn more. When I saw the sign, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. And now you can learn with me."
Rose laughed. "I've never thought about taking classes before. But I always carry a stun gun."
"Just you wait. You'll be carrying a stun gun and you'll be able to take a man down if he touches you. And admit it," Rey gave Rose a sly look. "You wouldn't be too put out if Finn Storm grabbed you from behind."
Rose's jaw dropped open as she laughed, her silky black hair shifted from side to side when she shook her head. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. I'm not the saucy minx. It's you! You're the saucy minx."
"No, no," she countered. "I'm just a smelly grease monkey in need of a bath."
Rose pulled into the driveway to the Solo house and Rey thanked her for the ride. "And thank you for joining the gym with me."
They wished each other good night.
Once inside, Rey put away her new items and showered. She wanted a glass of water before she settled in for the night and found Leia Solo in the kitchen all alone with a bottle of deep red wine.
In the short time since Rey had come to live with Han and Leia, she found that the lady of the house carried a heavy mantle of grief on her shoulders. She had retired many years ago from a profession unknown to Rey, and had begun tending her own vineyard. She had cultivated it and grown it into a large scale operation making wine and selling it to exclusive locales across the globe.
"Hi, Ms Leia," Rey greeted.
The older woman gathered herself from her contemplation and composed a little smile.
"Sula. Come over and sit down with me. Try this new wine I've been developing."
"Oh, I've never had wine before."
"Well, now," Leia began as she took down a sparkling goblet and poured a small amount. "I count it as part of my duty to introduce you."
"What are you writing down?" Rey indicated the notepad and pen where Leia sat.
"Coming up with flowing, flowery descriptions to describe my wine in such a way that appeals to the pretension of sommeliers everywhere."
Wide-eyed, Rey replied, "I only understood some of that."
Leia waved a hand in dismissal. Rey watched her pick up her goblet of wine, delicately sniff, then taste. Rey mimicked what Leia did.
She must have made an awful face because Leia surprised her by chuckling quietly. Rey knew instantly that she did not like wine.
"Perhaps something sweeter for you, next time."
Rey shook her head and slid the goblet away. "Sorry," she told Leia.
"No matter. 'Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.' I read that on a sign somewhere."
Rey smiled. Leia's sense of humor was quirky and very dry, but sometimes she didn't quite understand her. She was usually deep in her own thoughts and feelings. Han had told Rey not to speak about Kylo. Rey wondered if Leia's son was the reason she was in a constant state of melancholy.
Thinking it was a terrible idea, she decided to learn more anyway.
"I'm sorry if this might be too personal, but why do you always seem so sad?" she asked the older woman quietly, fearing a question like this shouldn't be voiced too loudly.
Leia sighed and eventually nodded.
"Bereavement is a funny thing," she began. "It's like… It's like the sea. There may be days of still waters. There may be small ripples that ebb away as quickly as they started. Then there are days when the waves beat against the shore with such ferocity, one could easily drown. Through it all, one has to learn to swim in it.
"Perhaps I've never been able to learn."
Tears formed in Rey's eyes. She gently rested her hand on top of Leia's. "What happened?" she whispered.
"I had two beautiful boys, and I lost them both."
Rey squeezed her hand, and Leia turned her hand up to reciprocate.
"It's been many years. My youngest, Luke, died suddenly. He was only six years old. And my oldest, Ben, ran away from home when it happened. I think… I think that it hurts worse because I know Ben is alive and he won't come home."
She nodded. Pain clouded her eyes. "Yes, that's what hurts the most. I want him to come home to me. It's something I can never get over."
Rey absorbed everything Leia said. She felt every bit of the other woman's sorrow. Rey wished she could make it better; wished that she could tell Leia what she knew about Kylo Ren, and how he'd helped her.
Ben. His name was Ben.
But she couldn't think of anything to say, and really there was nothing she could say to bring comfort.
He'd had a little brother.
"Ms Leia," she whispered as a tear slipped down her cheek. She let sorrow prevail and let words fade away.
Leia and Han had lost so much.
So had Ben.