A/n: timeline notes: Hailey and Jay are dating and were dating before Jay's abduction.

Jay blinked his eyes open to feel the sun on his skin. He looked to his side to see two blue eyes looking back at him. His whole apartment smelled like flowers. He smiled.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked, having been expecting her to be at the district.

"I took the day off so I could be there for your first appointment. Do you want to go somewhere? Or we could stay here. I know your appointment is at two."

"Actually I thought we could go to the park " Hailey raised her eyebrows.

"Since when was Jay Halstead an outdoorsy person?"

"Oh Hailey Anne. There's a lot about me that you don't know."

"Is that so?" She said smiling.

"Oh yeah. Like you didn't know that breakfast burritos are on me this morning."

Hailey laughed.

"That sounds amazing. I'm actually craving some from the place off of Rosewood."

"Those are so good. They're so cheesy."

"I know, they are the best breakfast burritos in town. We are definitely going there."

"Wow , quiet bossy this morning, are we?"She smirked and noticed Jay's smile falter a little.

"Hey you good." She asked a little concerned

"Yeah sorry. Just thought of something."

"Oh well, time to get up lazy bones." She said trying to distract him from whatever memory had just been triggered.

"Um, lazy bones? I'm pretty sure you're on my couch, too. And it's only like 9:00." Not thinking, she pecked his jaw, something that wasn't uncommon for either of them to do before Jay's abduction. Jay jerked back a little and both of them blushed.

"Sorry." He said quietly.

"No, I'm sorry I wasn't thinking."

"No it's fine, I don't mind it. Its just, I don't know, it-"

"Jay you don't have to justify your reaction. I understand and I will be more mindful next time."

"Kay" Jay was sporting a nice pinkish red shade across his cheeks.

"Come on, let's go have some breakfast."

She stopped herself from tapping his knee. They both got ready, loaded up and enjoyed breakfast together, completely forgetting about the earlier incidents. After they went to the park and searched out a good place to stop. Finally finding a huge rock that overlooked a river. They didn't do anything special except listen to the water and enjoy each other's presence.

"You know that I love you right?" Hailey asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah."

"Good. So do a lot of other people."

"What are you trying to say, Hailey?"

"We're here for you. We're here to advocate for you. And we're not going anywhere. We're gonna support you because we understand

that what you're going through is hard and what you carry is very real. That's all."

Jay took a deep breath.

"I just want things to be normal again."

"I know. But all we can do now is take it one day at a time. I'm still going to be with you every step of the way."

"Thank you for being there. That night. All this time."

"Love doesn't stop because someone you love has something bad happen to them. Love can hurt but I think that it makes us stronger."

"What do you mean "love can hurt"?"

"Well, I love you and it hurts me when you're in any form of pain, because it's one thing I can't always protect you from."

"Huh… I've never thought of it like that.

"Is it bad that I get this anger in me? Like I wish that something bad would happen to them. Make them pay for what they did."

"I think that it's okay to be angry about what happened. I think it's okay to want justice. But, honestly, I think wanting vengeance can be dangerous. Because I think the anger is so blinding that we start to forget what's important." Jay nodded.

"And can I say something that you may not want to hear?" Jay nodded.

"You can't forget about Maddison."

"I haven't."

"Maddison probably wants justice too. But from what I heard, Maddison blames herself for complying when they forced her on you. She's angry with herself. And I'm pretty sure that she's scared that you're angry with her, too."

"No, no, no, they had a gun to her head. I would have chosen what happened over her getting shot."

"I know… and that's what makes you a good man Jay. Don't forget where your priorities are." Hailey said.

…

(AT THERAPIST'S OFFICE)

"Jay?" a man called into the waiting room. Jay stood up and a man came towards him.

"Hi. I'm Noah Lambert. How are you?" He said, shaking hands with Jay.

"I'm doing well. How are you?"

"I'm doing alright. If you could follow me, I can show you to my office."

"I'll be out here." Hailey said. It wasn't like Jay didn't know that, but it was a good reminder that she would be right there if the appointment didn't go well. Jay nodded and followed Noah.

Noah led Jay to his office, ushered him in, turned on a white noise machine outside the door, and closed his door before realizing Jay was still standing, like he was unsure of where to sit. The office had a small couch and a cushioned chair.

"You can sit anywhere you like, Jay." Jay decided to sit on the couch so Dr. Lambert sat in the cushioned chair.

"Alright then, let's get started. Since this is our first meeting, I will let you know the basics of how this works. Afterwards, I want to know a little more about you and then I'll tell you some things about me. Does that sound good?"

"Yes sir."

"Alright, Jay, first, I want this to be a safe place for you. I want you to know that I am not judging you. Now, if I see that you're going down a not so good path, or maybe you are handling something in a way that is harmful to you, I might try to suggest a more beneficial solution or a more positive way to handle something. But I will never diminish or dehumanize what you're going through. I also want you to be confident that most of what you say is 100% confidential. The only exceptions to that is if you are posing a threat to your own life or you are planning to harm someone else. At that point I have to report it to the authorities so that we can keep you safe. I will never discuss our sessions or what you say in them with co-workers, family, or anyone else. The next thing I want you to know is that you can talk about what you feel you need to. If you come in and something's on your mind, you can talk about it and I will listen. I may, however, try to prompt you to address something deeper or look at something from a different perspective by asking questions. These sessions are to help guide you in a process of healing not to force you to face everything right away. We'll take things at your pace. Alright?"

"Yes, sir."

"Last thing, you don't have to call me sir. I may be a little older than you, but I'm not that old. You can call me Noah, or Mr. Noah, or even . I'm not that into formalities. Alright, so now I want to know a little more about you."

The rest of the session was just the two of them getting to know each other. When Jay walked back into the waiting room, Hailey smiled.

"How'd it go?"

"It was good actually. It was more of an introduction. But it was good."

"That's good to hear. I'm proud of you for taking this kind of initiative. It takes bravery to start therapy."

"Thank you. It's hard to be brave sometimes."

"I know. That's why I'm proud of you."

Jay smiled. They made their way to the truck and Hailey waited for Jay to get in before pulling something out of her coat pocket and handing it to him. Jay smiled.

"What's this?" He said looking at the skinny, stuffed fabric doll with long legs. It was camo and had brown yarn hair. It was kind of stiff and had a straight face embroidered on it. It was the perfect size for him to grip.

"It's your prize for successfully completing your first session. It's called a D*mmit Doll." Jay raised his eyebrows.

"Seriously. It's made to be hit against things like tables or counters when you're angry or upset. You can yell "d***it," while you smack it. It's also just fun to play with. Keeps your hands busy." Jay chuckled.

"Thank you. Hopefully this won't come in handy any time soon."

"Alright, you ready to go home?"

"Yeah." Jay played with the doll as they went home, moving the arms or legs, squeezing the stomach, and occasionally shaking it to make the hair move. Jay was never one to really be physically aggressive when he was angry, but he seemed to like it. Hailey held back a snicker as her grown adult partner played with a stuffed doll. What she didn't tell Jay was that the doll was a failsafe in case Jay ever started self-harming. Not that she expected Jay to. But she knew these sessions were gonna bring up alot, and she knew what the scar that was often hidden under his watch band was from. The one that Will had purposefully tried to hide with hospital bands. He didn't have to tell her, she was a smart girl with scars of her own from an abusive home.

Haileys phone buzzed on the center console and she asked Jay to look at it for her.

"It's Kim calling."

"Alright send her to voicemail and text her and ask her if I can call her later."

"Ok…. What's your passcode?" He said after declining the call.

"five two nine four." Jay raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"Five two nine four? J-A-Y-H?" Hailey blushed hard.

"Or it's just a four digit passcode that's easy to remember. Not everything's about you." She fired back jokingly without skipping a beat.

"Uh huh." He said while typing. "Ok sent the text." He set the phone back on the center console.

"Alright, now you have to tell me something embarrassing about you." she said pulling into the parking lot of Jay's complex."

"Uh Many years ago, when I was in Guns & Gangs, I tore my ACL while falling off of a chain link fence because my foot got caught."

"No way, you're lying." Hailey teased as she put the truck in park.

"I'm not lying, it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life because we had caused a ruckus chasing a suspect, so all the neighbors were watching. I have pictures"

"That's terrible." Hailey said, trying not to laugh at his misfortune. Jay pulled out his phone and started scrolling through photos.

"Yeah, I couldn't really run on it so I called it in and basically just had to sit on my ass and wait for the ambulance. Ok here's a picture of my knee in the ER before surgery." Hailey's eyes widened at the picture of his leg. His knee was all red and swollen. There were purple lines where the surgeon had drawn out where he was going to cut.

"That's after surgery."

"Gross. That looks painful." Jay's leg was a little less swollen, still red, and had a bunch of stitches in it.

"And this one is my old partner James laughing at me for being an idiot." Jay was in the bed with his leg propped up and in a hinged brace. Jay was laughing while looking at the guy who was standing at the end of the bed also laughing.

"That really sucks. How long did it take to recover?"

"Oh gosh, it took months. And I can't tell you how many police functions and ceremonies I had to go to. I'm pretty sure the whole department knew about what happened by the time I finally got that thing off. It's like I can handle two tours in Afghanistan but then get my ass handed to me by a five foot tall chain-link fence in broad daylight with an audience. So there, I told you something embarrassing about me. Happy?"

"Satisfied. Also I didn't know about it, so the whole department didn't know."Hailey smiled. They made their way inside. Having nothing to do, Jay started folding laundry and Hailey jumped in to help.

"Man, how many of these pullovers do you have. I've folded like twelve."

"I've gotten a pretty good collection over the years."

Hailey pulled out a black shirt from the basket and flipped it right side out. Across the chest, in big yellow letters, the word "ARMY" was painted.

"You still wear this one?"

"Yeah, occasionally." Hailey thought for a moment, before looking at his neck. Yep, he was wearing them.

"Hey, uh could I look at your dog tags?"

"Uh,yeah, sure."

Jay pulled them out from under his shirt and took them off, and handed them to Hailey. She looked at them and ran her finger over the inscription.

"What do these numbers mean?"

"Oh, haha, that's my social security number. And that's obviously my name…"

"Alexander? That's not a bad middle name." Jay smiled.

" That's my type and cross for blood, and that's my religious preference."

"They don't have your birthday."

"No, I don't know why though."

"Why, uh, why do you still wear them?"

Jay flipped one of the tags over to reveal scratched on tally marks.

"Those are all of my men that were killed in the line of duty. 46 men that I knew. 22 of them had children. 38 of them were married. 6 of them had girlfriends. One of them was 17 and had just started his first tour. I wear my tags to remind myself that they died so that I could come home."

"Why are there two of them?"

"In the event that a soldier gets injured severely or killed, for accountability purposes, the soldier's troop mates are supposed to take one back to their base and leave one on the dead or dying soldier for identification purposes."

"Oh." She asked a few more questions before giving Jay his tags back.

Later on, a knock at the door disrupted their Office marathon.

"I'll get it."

Jay stood and cracked his knuckles before trudging to the door. He peeked through the peephole and unlocked his door.

"Sarg.? What's up?" He said, looking at the rectangular pan in Hank's hand.

"I wanted to give you this. It's lasagna. Hopefully I didn't burn it. Can I come in?"

"Yeah sure. Thank you." He said opening the door wider. Hank greeted Hailey in the living room and set the pan on the kitchen counter. Hailey joined them in the kitchen and Jay pulled out a beer and offered it to him. Hank politely declined the offer.

"Jay I wanted to discuss what's going to happen as this case moves forward."

"Okay…"

" We've got them." Jay stood stunned a little. "Patrol got hits on our BOLOs. We ran them down. Ruzek, Atwater, and Burgess are booking Mark , Cristian, and Daniel into Cook County right now…"

Jay sucked in a sharp breath and looked away, trying to hide the tears of disbelief forming.

"Come here" Voight said, opening his arms.

Jay gladly accepted his offer of a hug from his boss. Hailey placed a hand on his back. "Thank you." Jay breathed out before pulling away and wiping his eyes.

"Because this is a case that was connected to the previous open arrest warrants, this will be pushed to trial and the CPD will be pressing charges for sexual assault, assault with a deadly and illegal weapon, attempted narcotics-induced homocide, attempted capital murder, unlawful possession of a deadly firearm, and other things. The three of them have to be charged separately so there will be three trials. You will most likely be referred to as a "victim" throughout the trials. This team will be with you the entire time. Will, Intelligence, the Patrol officer that first interviewed you at Med, and the SANE that performed your kit will most likely have to testify in all three trials. You will most likely have to testify in all three trials, so you might want to get with the DA and lay out a statement so that you don't leave anything out while you're testifying. That's all I can really tell you at this point."

"Thank you Sarge."

"We're gonna try to keep the media and the rest of the department out of this as much as possible. I don't want to pressure you, but I still have your badge, so when you're ready, you can come back to work. I'm keeping your spot unless you choose to retire. You still have furlough and medical leave and vacation days, so you don't have to make a decision anytime soon." Jay nodded.

"Thank you for handling my case. For not turning it over to Special Victims."

"You don't have to thank me. Alright? Now I have to get all the paperwork from the arrests done, so I'm gonna head out." In true Voight fashion, Hank said what he needed to say and was now leaving.

Jay walked him to the door and said goodbye, before pressing his back up against the door, closing his eyes, and taking a deep breath.

"Need your doll?" A voice teased. Jay grinned and shook his head. He was gonna be okay. He would get some closure. He would get justice.

Please review. I want to hear your feedback. I worked hard on this chapter.

ALSO I want to know if anyone has had EMDR therapy or if you are familiar with EMDR. If so, please PM me, because I really would like to hear about it from a first person perspective.

Thank you to everyone who has left reviews!