A/N - Big Intro Message.
MarionLuth is a momma now. Yeah! _¸.•´¸.•*¸.•*´¨`*•.
Her little bundle of baby joy arrived Jan 17th. A little girl.
Just a bit-of-TLC and both are now home safe, healthy and beautiful. It's a milestone for her family and for us as friends and a professional writing team.
Don't worry folks...we have planned on her attention being diverted for a little while and are several chapters ahead. All will be posted on schedule for the next few months. See...we thought of y'all. Couldn't bear to let you down. And even as I write this, MarionLuth is jonesing to get back to script writing and writing our WTWTA story. We're writers and writing is what we do.
Hope you're all ok out there. We know our fans in Southern California, Brazil, the UK, Russia and Belarus are in a bad way for a variety of reasons. We think of you all often. Please...keep yourselves safe, healthy and sane. We're doing our part to contribute to your inner world and self care.
We also noticed a strong uptick of readership from Australia, the UK, Canada and Greece. Has Supernatural been newly relicensed in these areas? What has brought all of your new attention to us? We love it and are very, very appreciative. We're also very curious what has happened.
Do you mind, would you tell us, please. We'd like to know how we've gained so many new fans in Australia, the UK, Canada and Greece?
And if your answers are within our control, we'd like to consciously repeat this.
And keep repeating this.
Thank you everyone for the last round of PMs and reviews :) They make our days, they inspire us, they challenge us and they bring huge smiles and joy to both of us! Reviews are the currency of this realm.
We're sending love, and our thoughts for your safety and happiness, to all of you out in the world. In our love for all of you, I am reminded of this part from a sermon by John Donne:
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less,
As well as if a promontory were:
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were.
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.
~LauWhisperer & MarionLuth
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Chapter 31
Sweet Child O' Mine
Title credit: Title of the song Sweet Child o' Mine, by Guns & Roses (Album: Appetite for Destruction, 1987)
Note: The lyrics of the above song (Sweet child o' mine) have also been cited inside the chapter. Having just learned that using more than 10% of a song's lyrics can be an issue in any written work (and this apparently goes both for fanfiction and original works), we make it needlessly yet perfectly clear that the song belongs to its creators and whomever owns its copyrights and we do not in any way claim they're ours. Just in case Axl or any other member of Guns reads us and takes offense :P
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Pouring too much bourbon into the grocery-store eggnog, Claire was attempting to be festive. It was underwhelming. The girls had each poured themselves a glass of eggnog, and sneaking heavy pours of bourbon, in their attempt to commemorate New Year's Eve. Sam's attempt at a festive dinner hadn't gone too well. All they had available to cook were frozen chicken-fried steaks, instant mashed-potato and mixed frozen veg. Sam did his best to present them as nicely as he could but the end result was ordinary at best. Not that anyone had any particular appetite after the last few days' incidents.
It all felt lame and it was.
Having left the kitchen after their kitchen-cleaning duty, the girls were sitting on Claire's bed quietly drinking their contraband eggnog. Frankly, them adding alcohol hadn't been such a good idea. Feeling the alcohol-induced depression kicking in, it had mixed with their currently somber mood and pulled it down further. But it wasn't often that the decanter was accidently left out, so they weren't missing this opportunity. With Sam on 'guard duty', this was probably the last time they'd enjoy anything more than soda for quite a while.
"So, how is it that you can read French...I mean like, really 'Old French'?" Claire had been meaning to ask Amber this. Watching her read through that old book about spells was bizarre. Who does that?
"Told ya that day on the Nurgal hunt… It's an angel thing that got passed down. You know… They speak in tongues and stuff… That's how I also understand Enochian and how I could read those really old Mesopotamian words and passages. Apparently any language made by angels or humans, my brain gets," Amber explained.
"It's an 'Angel thing'. God, I get it, but still...well it's kind of cool that you can do this." Claire was walking that thin line between being jealous as hell and admiring this nifty skill Amber had. Another chill-ass Nephilim thing. Shit!
Looking up at Claire, Amber saw her envy. To be more accurate, Amber saw Claire's desire to be special and to be admired. She was now able to see people's feelings, their inner thoughts as they trickled out into pictures and emotions. She tried to give them privacy, but just as Cas did give her privacy, there were times she was feeling something so strongly he inadvertently picked up on the images that bubbled out. Claire was feeling sad and unloved right now.
"You know, I'd much rather not have a single power, not a single angelic trait… Just a normal life would be nice. Not even normal… Even hunter normal, like Sam and Dean had. Anything would be better than what I got handed because of all this shit."
Claire sipped her eggnog, looking thoughtful.
"Normal's overrated. But I get what you mean. Honestly, though? At least you have this unique power to compensate for all the shit you got handed. People like me… Like Sam and Dean… We 'ate all the shit' and still have nothing."
Claire had a charming way with words.
Smiling at this blunt and rather crude description, Amber understood...or at least she thought she did. Before her locket opened, before her powers were unleashed...that ordinary helplessness of everyday existence felt like Claire's words.
"I wonder what this new nephilim would be able to do if it manages to come into existence? I mean… If you're this powerful, Imagine what it would be able to do."
"It might still make it," Amber said curtly. "And it's a 'him'. Not an it."
"How d'you know?" Claire asked, surprised.
"I just do," was Amber's answer, shrugging one shoulder. "I can kind of… feel him. Well, not him. His energy. His existence. It's weird and vague. Not like I know where he is, but like, I know he's out there. Alive."
"See...that's what I'm talking about. You know these things. You have an advantage over all of us!" Claire pulled back into herself after this unintended outburst of upset. Not that she cared about upsetting others, but she felt too exposed by her feelings.
"What good does it do? Sam and Dean still wanna kill him. They don't believe me when I tell them he's not evil. What does it matter if I can feel him when everyone targeting him won't even give him the chance to come into this world?"
"You're sure he's not evil?" Claire asked, not commenting on the rest of Amber's words.
"No. Not sure. But I have a feeling he's not."
"This feeling could be you just projecting yourself onto him, right? Him being a nephilim doesn't make him good on principle. Just because you're not a killing-machine doesn't mean he won't be one. Especially if he ends up being raised by his daddy."
Amber gaped at Claire. She had no tact whatsoever.
Amber wasn't sure how much she liked this about Claire, although in this moment she appreciated the honesty and the openness of their conversation. Claire could be hot and cold and this made it hard to forge a connection that wasn't broken by the next 'stream of Claire-consciousness'. Sam had been walking on eggshells around Amber on this matter. Claire's directness was almost refreshing.
"How do we even know nephilims were ever killing-machines? That's what their killers say… Don't forget that angels killed every single one ever conceived. For all we know I'm the norm. And this new guy… He shouldn't be our target. Making sure he doesn't fall into Lucifer's hands should be our priority. Not killing him in his mother's womb."
Contemplating this, Claire took another deep gulp of her spiked eggnog. Amber had a point.
"Will you take my side on this?" Amber then asked, making eye contact with the blonde.
"You really think it's gonna make a difference?" was Claire's comeback, as she silently weighed Amber's request. Would she take her side on this? She wasn't sure how she felt about Lucifer's nephilim. She got both Amber's and the brothers' perspectives.
Amber shrugged at her question.
"Don't know. But if it's both of us that oppose this… Who knows, they might give this a second thought."
"I don't know if it's gonna matter after tonight anyways. I mean, they got that Kelly lady. I guess it's only a matter of time."
This thought piercing her heart deeply, Amber could only clutch her glass harder as she gulped down the remainder of her drink. Involuntarily tears began to silently trickle down her face.
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Cas, sitting in an armchair at the corner of the room watched Kelly's still form, asleep and curled up. Her lower abdomen was already visibly protruding, in a way a human's would after at least twelve weeks of gestation. And yet she was pregnant for less than 24 hours. Yet another proof this pregnancy was far from normal.
The angel wore a contemplative expression, his mind focusing on the two tangled energies he could sense in the room. He wasn't sure what he was reading. He wasn't sure where Kelly's psyche ended and where the nephilim's started. He wasn't sure if all the innocence and beneficence that he could sense was the mother's, the nephilim's or both.
Stirring slightly, Kelly shifted her body as she started to wake up. Opening her eyes, she confirmed that the trench coat guy was still there. That's right...he was the one who'd put the bible under her hand...the bible that caught on fire. Now Kelly remembered where she was.
Cas saw the woman moving and the images of her memory and emotions...her alarm.
"You are safe here."
Sitting up, big eyes looking at him, Cas could see Kelly heard what he'd said, but felt unsafe, unsure in his presence. This pained the angel and he attempted to sausage her concern.
"Kelly, you ARE safe here. I know this is hard for you to understand, but you're pregnant with a child that is not usual. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Caressing her belly with one hand, her protruding, pregnant belly showing months ahead of when she should. Yes, Kelly understood something wasn't normal. Yet she felt this child. She heard him speaking to her and she loved this child. Everything she knew, everything she'd experienced and thought normal was screaming at her that these people were crazy. Freaky medical cases happened. This couldn't be something else, could it? This was just a weird pregnancy. Then again, she recalled being magically transferred to this place, the bible on fire, three people vanishing before her very eyes.
"Jefferson was not himself when you conceived this child with him. This child is from the being that was possessing Jefferson. Do you understand?"
Long look, taking in what Cas was saying, Kelly was lost. This made no sense...yet she had evidence right inside of her that this was not a normal pregnancy.
"No. No, I don't understand. None of what you're saying makes sense. What are you people? Members of a cult? What do you want with me?" Kelly asked, desperate to make sense of what was going on around her... inside her.
"We're not a cult. I am an angel. That other man you met, he's a hunter. We are familiar with angelic and supernatural beings. Our job is to protect humans like you from the supernatural."
Looking at him as if he was crazy, Kelly scoffed at this impossibility.
"You're an angel?"
"Yes. An angel. Kelly, you have to believe me. Is it normal for you to be this far along and showing? It's been only a day since the conception. "
This was true, Kelly had no explanation for this.
Continuing, Cas saw he had the woman's attention. But did she really understand?
"Yeah, I'll give you that. But… Maybe it's water retention, I don't know. You can't expect me to believe I'm carrying the Devil's baby just because my stomach isn't flat."
"What about the fact that you can sense and hear the baby inside of you?" Castiel persisted.
Here Kelly paused, gaping at him. How could he possibly know this? She hadn't told him.
"What are you talking about?" She asked in an attempt to gain some time to think this over.
"You feel him and hear him talking to you, don't you?"
Her mouth dropped open. How could he know! Seeing her reaction, Cas knew he'd confirmed something only she had experienced. Eyes rounder, Kelly didn't argue now. She listened.
"I can sense him, too," Castiel continued, feeling that he finally had something that could create a bridge of communication with this woman. "I can also sense your thoughts, and emotions. It's part of being an angel."
"No, I'm not crazy. Neither is Dean. You are sensing this child because this child was intentionally conceived through you and is the child of an archangel. He's the child of Lucifer."
"No! My baby isn't evil. I feel my baby and he's good. I know it! I can hear him, feel him and he's good."
"Kelly, we only want to make sure you're safe. This child, it's part archangel and part human. It's what we call a nephilim. And you are a human vessel carrying it. This means he'll grow much faster than your physical body can handle. I've seen a lot of pregnancies like this before and the outcome is always the same. The mother-vessel dies."
Kelly listened to the man, his words registered but her thoughts were stuck to the imminent threat.
"But...but that other man. He wants to kill my baby. I know it. I feel it from him."
"Yes. Dean is scared. A nephilim from Lucifer is a terrifying force that could destroy the world. You might be right. This baby might not be evil. But you'll be gone when he gets here and if he falls into Lucifer's hands then he will grow evil. And powerful."
"So your solution is what? Kill my child?" Kelly asked, panicking. This was getting too much. A few hours ago all she was worried about was a presidential scandal. Now she was being told her baby was the spawn of satan, destined to wreak havoc and death. She felt her head spinning.
"Our solution is to save you. If that happens at the cost of Lucifer's nephilim life, then so be it. It is for the best. It is in your best interest. It is in humanity's best interest."
Cas projected his voice into Kelly's mind. He had to convince her of his words and he wished for her cooperation.
Kelly, your child could destroy the world...and you will die unless you allow us to help you.
Kelly heard Cas in her mind. She heard him and his words were the same...he wanted to kill her child.
Her thinking stopped. This had never happened before. She heard this man's voice in her head just like he said he could. And she heard the tiny voice of her child alongside this.
Cas could feel her panicking and tried to desperately think of a way to calm her down. This wasn't going the way he had hoped for.
"We will not do anything before you agree and consent," he said in his earnest tone, eyes locking with hers. He knew this wasn't necessarily true. Dean, Crowley, Rowena...even Sam... any one of them would easily move ahead with their decided plan even without her consent. But he might be able to buy her some time and convince them to wait.
"With us you will have some time to think this through. And you will be safe. On your own, you are prey to Lucifer and all of hell's demons. Some of them want your baby to live for their own plans and hopes and alliances, but some want it dead. Your life does not matter to demons, but it matters to us."
Stuttering in her thoughts, feeling the baby practically shrinking in fear inside her belly as if he was trying to hide, Kelly needed a moment to herself. She didn't know if she could trust this man. She didn't know if she could trust anyone at all. All she knew was she needed to keep this baby inside of her safe.
"Ah...ah I need to go to the bathroom."
Pushing back the covers on the bed, she swung her legs around to a sitting position. Once here, she felt the fullness of her own belly sitting atop her thighs. Again, confirmation that this was not a normal pregnancy. She'd only sensed this child a day ago.
Standing, Kelly got herself stable, orienting herself to where the bathroom was. Cas saw her questioning everything and her rising panic. What more could he do to help her understand? Ultimately, this was out of his hands.
"I'll be right back," were her words as she stepped into her shoes to keep her feet warm, furthermore grabbing her coat as her thinly-covered shoulder met the cold January air that made the room chill. The angel watched as she left for the bathroom, sensing her desperation.
Once in the bathroom, Kelly looked around for a way out and found a window that she could push outwards enough to squeeze through.
As Castiel waited, time ticked by. More time than was usual. He didn't hear the toilet flush nor did he hear movements inside. Stepping to the door, he gently knocked.
"Kelly, are you ok in there?"
There was no answer… Allowing Kelly privacy becoming second priority, Cas tried to locate her energy only to sense her drifting away. Panic setting in, he opened the door and saw the open window. Running to the door, he burst outside just in time to catch a glimpse of a speeding car vanishing down the street, taking Kelly away.
Rushing to his own car, Castiel could only hope he wouldn't lose her.
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Awake now for half an hour, tossing and turning, Amber accepted that sleep was done with her. She glared at her phone reading the 5:13 am digital readout, glowing in bright white. Yawning, she knew she wasn't sleeping anymore and might as well get up. Something was making her sleepless and agitated. Pushing the blankets off, she pushed through her morning bathroom routine.
Bathrobe on, Amber made her way to the kitchen to get some coffee started. Pushing past the swinging door, she stopped. Dean was sitting at the kitchen table. Sam was sitting here, too. She could smell the coffee already making. The two men nodded at her, acknowledging her presence, as she entered. They continued talking in low tones, more from exhaustion that an intention of privacy. They looked drawn and thin.
She scanned their faces and couldn't help the small smile that played on her lips. Those forlorn looks could only mean one thing. They'd failed. And if they'd failed, Kelly was safe. Her child was safe. At least from them.
Gabbing a cup of coffee, Amber joined them, wishing to hear more. Their failure could be cause for hope.
"...and he's been up and down the whole area. No sign of her so far. He'll call if he finds her...or senses her...or does his creepy angel eavesdropping thing."
"She was showing already?" Sam asked, surprised.
"Yeah. Says she was big, too. It's only been two days, but according to Cas she was obviously pregnant."
"You saw her too, didn't you? Did she look pregnant?" Sam asked now confused.
"I don't know how much or little pregnant she looked, Sam. It's not like I have any experience in this. I didn't really notice or pay attention to her…you know, her belly area."
"Well, the lore does state that the power of a nephilim causes an advanced gestational time, so this makes sense. But two days, that's fast."
"And can you imagine how a nephilim birth would go? Pow! Kid shoots across the room. Ta da!"
Dean was punch drunk from lack of sleep and getting a bit looney. Sam smiled at this imagery. It was funny. Amber's face on the other hand remained somber. If she hadn't watched a nephilim birth through her mother's memory, this might've been funny. But it was far from amusing to her. Her thoughts traveled to how different what she'd witnessed, the memory of her own birth, would've been if her mother was human. Maybe there was a dose of truth in Dean's imaginative description. Who could really know?
"What about him?" Amber asked, speaking for the first time.
"Him who? Cas?"
"No, the baby."
"You know it's him?" Dean asked, looking at his sister.
"Yes, I do. Did Cas tell you about him? Is he okay?"
"Amber, I don't think you should start getting close to the idea of this child being born. This can't happen." Sam was concerned about how much this was affecting her. He knew there was some projection because, well, how could there not be projection. Seriously, how could she help it, her being a nephilim herself. But he didn't want her to suffer as they stopped this 'Seed of Satan'. It was tough, but they'd made the call on this outcome.
"Yeah, Sam, I remember every bit of our fruitful conversation. But that's not what I asked. Did Cas say anything about the child?"
"No. Only that Kelly had some sort of communication with it," Dean answered her. "But, Sam's right. This kid ain't happening, Amber. Better get used to that idea."
"Well, you haven't managed killing him so far. And with his rapid growth, who knows. He might beat the odds," Amber answered in as a neutral tone as she could. Hearing Sam and Dean talking with such ease about killing a nephilim was still hard to stomach, but she was gradually desensitizing to it.
Fatigue shortening his fuse, Dean was getting irritated at this. "Lucifer's kid isn't taking a first breath...and you need to understand this. Besides…"
Under the table, Sam kicked Dean's leg to get him to shut up.
"Hey, what the…"
"Now that you've mentioned him, what about Lucifer? Did you at least manage to get him?" Amber asked, allowing a tiny bit of sarcasm to lace her tone. She knew the answer before they said this, but it still felt good rubbing this in. Of course this wasn't ideal or in anyone's best interest. Yet it felt satisfying.
Glaring eyes peaked through half-closed lids, both Sam and Dean felt their nerves spiking.
"He changed his ride and we've lost him," Dean grumbled.
Clicking her tongue Amber took a sip of her coffee. "Maybe you should be focusing on catching him instead of helpless pregnant women. After all, he's the one who started this problem in the first place."
"And why are you up so early?" Dean had had enough of this. They were fighting against each other when he needed a unifying force.
Sam, while not so vocal, was feeling the antagonism of Amber's strongly held opposition. It wasn't even 6 am yet.
Knowing this was a rhetorical question, Amber decided to answer it anyway.
"Cause I couldn't sleep."
Shaking his head, Dean was tired and needed to sleep. He didn't have the strength to keep up this test of wills.
"I'm hitting the sack for a few hours." Standing, Dean looked shorter than his 6'1" height, his shoulders mildly hunched, his head hanging forward in exhaustion.
"I'll wake you if Cas arrives or I hear anything new."
"You do that," Dean said through a yawn. "And since you two aren't sleeping maybe start thinking of ways to find Kelly. We need to move fast."
Sam nodded and watched as Dean slowly moved out of the kitchen. He knew his brother was half asleep even as he was walking to his room.
When the swinging doors closed behind Dean's departing figure, Sam turned to his sister.
"So… Any ideas about how to track down Kelly?" He asked.
Amber shrugged. "Nope."
Sitting up straighter in his chair, Sam studied her face and knew that even if she'd have any ideas, she wasn't willing to share them.
"Amber, you do realise how much danger Kelly is in out there don't you?"
"And here she'd be what? Safe?" Amber scoffed.
"You tell me. Do you think demons out there will care about her life? Half of hell wants her and her nephilim dead and the other half is seeking her like crazy to deliver her to Lucifer. Do either of these two scenarios sound good for her or the child?"
Sam watched as Amber's face turned from pleased to surprised then worried. It was clear she hadn't thought about any of these implications.
"I know we don't see eye to eye on how we'll handle this. But I also know that we're Kelly's best chance right now. And I think you can see this, too," he continued.
"This is true, Amber."
The sudden sound of the angel's voice made both Winchesters start. They turned to watch Cas approach the table tiredly and slowly sitting in one of the chairs.
"I did not see her. And she is in grave danger. The angels have not reacted yet, but I know there are still a few zealots left even in our diminished numbers. They are bound to attempt to chase after her sooner or later," Cas continued, his tone grave.
Amber clutched her cup tightly as she heard Castiel's words. That did not sound good. Not good at all. This whole thing felt like a lose-lose situation. Kelly wasn't safe anywhere. Not with them, and certainly not in the hands of angels or demons. Sam was right. For better or worse, they were her best choice right now. And from what she knew, Sam, Dean, and Castiel planned on killing the nephilim but hadn't yet figured out how to do it without harming Kelly. And she knew they wouldn't risk harming Kelly. With this in mind she focused her gaze on her own reflection in the dark glistening coffee in her mug.
"Maybe we could somehow use me to spot them, then," she offered reluctantly.
"How do you mean?" Sam asked, his brow creasing as he tried to understand the meaning of her words.
"I can sense his energy. Not his location, but his… existence," Amber tried to explain. "So, maybe there's a spell, or something, that could help me tune in further with him and see where Kelly is."
Sam turned to Amber, "Him as in the nephilim? Or do you mean Lucifer?"
Amber nodded, clarifying, "The nephilim."
Holding her coffee close to her face, Amber's expression was cautious and pensive as she listened.
"Can you sense him in the same way, too?" Sam was curious about what exactly Cas was offering here.
Cas shook his head. "Not at such great distance, no. I could feel him when I was in the same room with Kelly, but as soon as more distance was put between us, I could not sense either of them."
"Then how can I feel him?" Amber asked, not expecting this explanation from the angel. Till now, everything she was able to do, Cas was able to do as well, usually better, even with his grace so diminished.
"I would have been able to feel him once too. It is our grace, its common origin. It connects us all. Since the fall though, we angels have lost the greatest part of our grace. We have grown weak and lost many of our abilities. You…Amber, you are still not completely in control or in full power, but you are getting stronger. And your grace is intact. Being a nephilim, your very core is much more like this child's than mine. Which is why you feel this link between you."
Sam and Amber listened carefully at the angel's explanation. And it all made sense.
"So… Can we do anything with this? Can we spot them through me? Get them here? They'd be safe from demons and angels here, right?" Amber was anxious to get Kelly and her baby to greater safety...and under her influence she might be able to help much, much more. Change things.
Sure, she knew they wouldn't be safe from Sam and Dean, but with Kelly here, maybe, just maybe, they'd also feel the innocence of this unborn child. Maybe Cas would sense it too and help persuade them. In any case she'd have to figure out how to keep Kelly and her baby safe from her brothers after they got her here. Right now they should prioritize keeping her safe from everybody else. This shift of focus was almost refreshing. For once she wasn't the eye of this shitstorm. Someone else was the top priority, at least for Amber. And it felt good. She felt like she could breathe a little easier. She knew she wasn't safe yet, she knew Lucifer still had a plan for her, but Amber also felt like she had a new purpose. Protecting this nephilim was her new purpose.
Cas felt the strong protective feelings radiating off of Amber. This brought to his mind the energy he'd felt when he was in the presence of Kelly and wondered if Amber was the only one seeing clearly in this situation. He could understand Sam and Dean and their "better safe than sorry" attitude. The risk of this baby being born was big. But something inside him was stirring, was telling him that this child was not the problem. This child was not evil. The vagueness of this knowledge, the uncertainty of it all made him keep these thoughts to himself. The last thing he wanted was to create more tension between Amber, Sam, and Dean. Until he was certain, he'd keep this to himself.
Bringing his mind back into focus he tried to think of ways they could utilize Amber's connection to the other nephilim. This had never occurred in the past. Never before had two nephilims ever survived to be present on this earth at the same time.
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Grabbing his phone and glancing at the caller name, Dean groaned and flipped it open.
"What have you got?" Dean's face looked stressed and angry, his face was being held in a stiff manner as he answered this phone call.
"Hello to you, too Dean. Such a warm welcome for someone who has intel for you. Tsk, tsk. Does your mother know how rude you are? Oh, that's right. She doesn't."
Crowley's syrupy brand of snide was gratingly infuriating. Goddammit, if they didn't need him, Dean would've liked to end him and his evil witch of a mother.
"What did you find out?" Dean barked this inquiry.
"Now, now, Dean. All in good time. This cost me a resource that I rather liked."
"Crowley, spit it out." Dean's temper was not having this conversation.
"I think you and Moose are going to want to both hear this bit of juicy information. Kind of an interesting twist I found out."
Crowley was enjoying this digging in of the knife…and the ensuing intel…. it bit deeply. He wanted to actually see the brother's faces when he told them.
Frowning, Dean understood and decided he'd get Sam on this. Flipping the phone shut he went in search of his brother.
Up in the library, Cas stood next to Amber as the brothers' prepared the summoning bowl, while Claire was sprawled in one of the chairs a few feet away. Hmmm….this was different. Now standing slightly away from Amber, Claire watched. This was a part of the hunting world she still had little facility with, magic.
Sam, holding his book open as he recited the incantation, threw in the match to finish the summoning and the room was suddenly filled with the characteristic flash of light and billow of grey smoke. Amber was instantly reminded of her time up in Canada...when Rowena unleashed her powers...and she involuntarily placed an arm on Cas' shoulder to anchor her in the present. Cas understood and stepped closer reaching his own arm around her shoulders to comfort her. He'd seen the images Amber had involuntarily shared of this memory. She was scared, yet she remained anchored in place.
The smoke coalesced into a shape and gradually, Crowley appeared smirking, his face a deceitful mask of mirth over harmful intent.
"What do you have for us Crowley?" Dean got right to the point.
"What, no foreplay? What a brutal lover you are. How would you like it if your sister had to face so little love and care, hmmm?"
Pissed off, Dean knew Crowley used his fears and emotions against him, yet this was so unexpected a jab it left him speechless.
Amber felt her stomach churn as the words registered, anger rising inside. She felt anger and 'fear of discovery' taunt her. What did Crowley know? How did Crowley know? God, she hoped she'd have the chance to really do a number on that Limey piece of shit. And she'd enjoyed every minute detail of his torture. She'd show him foreplay.
Feeling the familiar heat behind her eyes, she knew they were probably glinting gold at this point. Pleased that her dominant emotion around the King of Hell was no longer fear, she nurtured this feeling. It gave her a sense of powerful confidence. She didn't try to calm her power down. Maybe it would serve as a better incentive compared to Dean's barks for Crowley to behave.
Crowley noticed Amber's golden eyes and felt the power behind this. Cas did, too and noticed the momentary hesitation in Crowley. The shift of dynamics.
Sam saw this exchange between Crowley and Amber and was struck by the role reversal, while Dean was deeply lost in his pissed-off state, this contrast was oblivious. Claire, on the other hand, was annoyed by the games the 'King of Hell' played. She'd expected a more overwhelming presence from a title like that.
"Out with it. What did you find out?" was Dean's prompt, dreading the head games inherent in any communication with this guy.
Keeping his eyes fixed on Amber, Crowley got on with it.
"Lucifer is after Amber and he has a mighty purpose for her."
Rolling his eyes at this obvious redundancy of intel, Dean spat, "We already know this. He wants Amber's heart. Tell us what we don't know."
A greasy smile spreading across Crowley's face, his eyes lit by mischief, he chuckled.
"You have no imagination. Lucifer isn't after your sister's heart. He's after her Nephilim-making capability."
Having a mental hiccough, Dean was puzzled. Clearly not grasping this. On the other hand, Sam's face drained of color. He protectively stepped closer to his sister. Castiel's expression grew grim as well, understanding this intel.
Crowley, seeing that at least one Winchester understood him, smiled.
"Moose and Feathers are the only brains of you lot?"
Dean's frustration had a panicked edge to it. "Why...Sam, why would he do this?"
Amber looked lost too, her brain trying to decipher Crowley's meaning. She glanced at Sam and noticed his white face, no color. His reaction alone making her stomach clench, she forced her brain to work faster. What nephilim-making capability could she possibly have? How could she make nephilims? Why did Sam look so upset? Just as she posed these questions to herself, realization hit her and she suddenly forgot how to breathe.
Frustrated that he wasn't getting it, Dean barked out, "What are you saying Crowley?"
Smiling the self-satisfied grin of evil knowledge, Crowley gloated.
"Dean, for a guy who's practiced as much as you, I'd think you'd know where little nephilims come from?"
The look of confusion on his face morphed into understanding...with the delayed reaction of horror transforming across Dean's face...as he involuntarily cast his attention over to Amber. Holy Shit!
Simultaneously glancing at Amber, Sam, Dean, Cas all sought her out, turning to look at her. Amber's face had drained of all color, her eyes big, fully understanding the meaning.
"Seems Lucifer thinks little Winchy here is good baby-making material for a new kind of hybrid-nephilim," Crowley spelled it out. "And I have to admit, it's an inspired plan. The possibilities it gives him…"
"Holy fuck," was Claire's shocked reaction. Her brain raced as she pieced together all she had learned about nephilims. She was no expert, but a nephilim coming from another nephilim and an archangel…this would be a powerful being. Sitting up in her chair she tried to grasp the amount of power this creature would be born with.
"Awww, I see you've caught up with me. Clever plan isn't it?"
"Lucifer could make an even more powerful nephilim if the mother is already a nephilim," was Cas' comment. "He is an archangel. A nephilim is more powerful than both parents, normally an angel and a human. If he succeeds with his plan, this new species would be the most powerful creature in all of creation. Assuming he had control of this hybrid nephilim, there is nothing he could not do."
Crowley, looking even more smug, understood larger implications.
"Oh yes, nothing he couldn't do….like kick me out of Hell!"
Crowley's sudden outburst instantly calmed back down as he returned to his smug, smarmy self. "Naturally, I have an interest in this little truce between us. You have the bait and I have the intel. Mummy dearest may have the means."
"You worry over your precious pithole… Crowley, a creature this powerful could kick God out of Heaven. Wipe out humanity... A creature this powerful could destroy everything in heaven, earth...hell. There would be nothing that could stop it," Sam observed.
"Precisely. Which is why we have to stop this meeting of the powers...or at least the meeting of powerful parts." Crowley snickered at his own dirty joke.
"But then… Then why bother with Kelly?" Amber managed to ask, her brain still feeling numb. She couldn't think too deep or fast. She could barely register what she had just learned. Her body, mind, and grace felt frozen, stuck in the brink between freaking out and collapsing.
"Oh, I don't know...why not have another nephilim? Maybe Kelly's offspring was nothing but a whim. His real target was always you, dear. All along. Another nephilim would just bring more chaos, more power, more disruption...what's not to like about another one, hmmm? And a son is very powerful. Daddies always want sons to carry on the family business, right boys? Maybe he wanted to practice before trying for his masterpiece."
Amber felt affirmed and revealed simultaneously. She'd known this child was a boy. She'd said as much. Cas knew this, too. Mentally pulling back, she needed to distance herself from this so she could take in this intel...look at their options more objectively. But it was so goddamn personal.
"Maybe his plans are bigger. An army of his nephilim children, if he keeps creating more, led by this uber-nephilim… This would make him invincible. And the more nephilims he manages to create, the more distraction for us. The more opportunities for him to get to Amber," Sam hypothesized.
Dean could feel his temples throbbing. Pacing around the library he kicked one of the chairs as hard as he could, bringing it down with a loud, broken-wood clatter. It was shocking in the still of the now-silent vacuum of the library.
"How the fuck did we miss this? How the fuck didn't we figure this out earlier?" He yelled, mostly to himself.
"Being slow is a family trait. Don't beat yourself up, Squirrel."
Claire had had enough of this. She understood what was happening and had a basic grasp of the massive implication of it. Stepping forward, hand on her hips, she stood next to Sam.
"So, where is this new nephilim?" Claire asked in a loud and clear tone that revibrated in the silent room, jolting everyone out of their numb state.
"Don't tell me you can't track a pregnant woman? It's not like she runs fast. And what about spells? We need to stop whining and start acting here. Prioritize. Amber's here and he doesn't have access to her here. So, we find the woman, make sure he doesn't get his hands on this nephilim and then figure out how to snip his balls before he can make super-nephilim-world-destroyers."
Looking at Sam, Claire was asking him what he'd come up with. She was also the only one bringing action into a focus.
Crowley smiled at the bold ballsiness of this girl. "She's still my favorite." Claire sneered and Crowley sent an air-kiss in her direction that made Claire cringe with disgust.
Yes they all felt screwed, but all they could really do was try to figure this out. Sam, seeing this, looked over at Amber, knowing she'd been studying the French spell book on high magic for containing archangels.
Amber saw this and knew this was a look about two things: First, he needed a sample of her grace and second, what she'd found amongst the spells of high magic. Something in this book had to be adaptable to their purpose.
Nodding at Sam, Amber was simply accepting the inevitable. And yes, she had found a binding spell that had some possibilities.
Returning his gaze to Crowley, Sam simply relayed the basics. "We have something we think Rowena can adapt to binding Lucifer for good, since killing him isn't an option."
Crowley hadn't missed any of this interaction. He saw the power that was shifting to Amber and what she was growing into.
"If we manage to find Kelly," Dean spoke for the first time since his outburst. "She'll be it. She'll be our leverage. We can use her as bait. If this nephilim he created has a purpose, or any significance to him, he'll come for her. So we need to find her first. And use her to lure him in."
"Rowena will need to make sure the spell will hold him, though," Sam interjected. "If it doesn't we'd only compromise ourselves, Amber, and Kelly. We first have to make sure we got the spell right, find Kelly, keep her safe."
"And the clock is ticking boys… Don't know if you remember, but Kelly won't be your usual nine-months of craving pickles and ice cream. It's a matter of days, maybe a week, before this nephilim makes his appearance."
Dean, hating every minute in the presence of this shitbag, wanted to wind this up.
"We have a plan. We'll contact you when we're ready to share the spell with Rowena."
Glancing over at Sam and Amber, Dean assessed their faces that they seemed confident that it would be soon. Stepping up, Sam added, "I'll probably have something to show Rowena tonight."
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The loud closing of the book echoed in the otherwise empty library, sounding like a finale. And it sort of was. Amber had been at it, studying the Old French spell book for days and days now. After Crowley's visit that morning she used this studying and focusing as a distraction. Yeah, she'd found some possible spells that could be adapted to bind archangels….and possibly demons as well. With everything swirling in her head, she'd gotten tapped out mentally and emotionally, hitting a wall. Her brain was mush.
Standing and stretching felt good and she decided to go to the kitchen to get something to eat.
Wandering in, Amber was alone. Mindlessly opening the ice box, scanning for inspiration, she spotted a jar of jam. Strawberry jam….and it sparked her memory of a simple meal, a PB&J. Checking to see they had bread, she saw they did, although it was Sam's kind of bread; wholegrain, healthy stuff. Augh! Reaching for the peanut butter jar, Amber slapped together a quick sandwich, wiping her finger along the rim of the jam jar to catch a drip, with the drip automatically going into her mouth as she recapped the jar. Such simple, reassuring routines felt grounding. Walking back up into the library, Amber found Sam had come up to check on her progress...and share his own.
"Hey."
Leaning over the table, looking down at her tabbed pages and notes, Sam called out as he looked back over his shoulder as Amber climbed the stairs up into the library.
"Hey, Sam."
"Anything worth reporting?" Still flipping through her progress and notes, Sam's face looked tired, yet he managed to sound hopeful with his ask.
"Possibly. I've found these two you should look at." Amber pointed to where Sam's fingers were bookmarking her tab, yet he didn't appear to have opened up to that page yet. Getting closer to the table, she took charge of the French book to get to the core of her findings.
With her free hand, Amber thumbed through the bookmarks she'd placed for quick reference. Her other hand held her sandwich as she took another bite. Sam leaned forward to see where Amber's direction was guiding him. As Sam's eyes scanned across the page, she noticed his expression picked up some energy. He seemed alerted to something.
Leaning over as he stood beside her, Sam's face was focused intent as he scanned the spell Amber had found. Righting himself, Amber could see the wheels in his head were still turning. This spell seemed to have made a strong impression on him.
"Hey, do you mind if I take this book for a little while? I just want to spend a few minutes really digging into it."
" Knock yourself out. I Need a break anyway," was said through a mouthful of food...a total Dean move.
Sam was caught off guard by this. And not just the Dean-resemblance in that moment. No. Amber must be really tired. She usually didn't revert to caveman behavior, so she must be exhausted. Though mildly disgusting, it was also kind of cute. Sam had to smile at this obvious lapse in manners.
"Does it really look that good?"
Amber was obliquely hopeful. She was afraid to give this hope too much energy. Despair was bad, but the dive from the cliffs down to the ocean of hopelessness below...well, that was a real life killer.
"Yeah. I think I can see how this can adapt for our needs. Of course, Rowena will have to make this final pronouncement, but this one looks like an excellent candidate. I'll take a closer look at the other one you have bookmarked, too."
Amber felt like she could relax for a moment, hand her work off to the next person and just sort of recharge. The second half of her sandwich nearly done, Amber was oblivious as she was sucking on the tips of her fingers that had gotten jam on them. Seeing this, Sam knew she was only half there mentally. With Crowley's bombshell earlier in the day. He didn't blame her. They'd focused on finding something to present to Rowena, but Sam knew that sooner or later they'd need to sit down and talk things through. He could only imagine how much of a toll this was taking on Amber. She needed their support. And they needed to make sure she'd find a healthy way to cope with everything she was faced with.
"You look like you need a break. You'll be alright? I can stay with you for a while if you'd like, get on this a bit later," he offered.
"I'm alright, Sam. Just need some time for myself. Thought I'd change up the scenery inside my head. Go do your thing with the spells. I'll be fine."
Just then Dean came into view, walking towards the library from the War Room. Glancing up, he looked tired, too.
"Found anything Sammy?"
"No. But, I think Amber might have found something. A couple of spells actually. We'll see."
Acknowledging this, Dean nodded his head. Seeing they didn't need him to pitch in on the research, he turned around and made his way towards the kitchen instead. Everyone was hungry from all of this concentrated effort.
Mildly curious, Amber made the comment, "What are the chances of Dean also making a PB&J?"
Sam, caught off guard that THIS was Amber's question. He refocused his impression and thought about her question. In all honesty, Dean probably would.
"Fifty-fifty chance of it. If he can't get a burger, it's a good standby."
Amber only smiled at that. "Burger does go better with beer. And we all know that's gonna be his main course."
Unable to keep from smirking Sam only shook his head.
"Go get your break. Try to get some sleep, too. It's been a long day and it looks like it's gonna be an even longer night."
Amber only nodded before walking out of the library, her empty plate still in hand.
Back in her room, Amber collapsed on her bed and thought about following Sam's advice and attempting to get some sleep. Her brain was too busy, though. It wasn't happening.
Eyes settling on her guitar, resting in its open case a few feet away, Amber was feeling empty and the guitar felt like it held the reservoir of energy she needed.
Taking in a couple of deep breaths she focused her attention on the instrument and watched it hovering towards her. She could feel it rise, not as weight, mass and gravity, opposing forces and all that. She felt it as if she was the guitar. Her self will fused with this instrument as it had with other items during practice. Rising, the guitar wobbled in the air. Amber needed a lot more practice to reach the dexterity needed for a smoother transfer. These heavier items were still challenging. Still, it worked and the guitar made its way across the room and into her hands.
She casually began plucking chords and tuning the strings. The cold weather always changed the sound of the strings. This familiar preparation felt like a homecoming. How many times had she done this over the years….countless times. Each note that found its proper tone brought a deep sense of calm inside of her. With every slight turn of the tuning pegs the turmoil in her brain settled. Her focus shifted to the familiar serenity that preparation for playing music always filled her with. Satisfied, she did a final check.
Strumming randomly, her eyes fluttered closed as everything else faded. Her hands knew the guitar and the guitar responded to their touch.
As she progressed through the chords, musically everything sounded good, felt ready. Oddly, she was feeling this Guns-N-Roses cover. Strumming the first several chords of the intro and she was there...launching into the full version of 'Sweet Child O' Mine'.
Only rarely had she played this song. Her choices for the woodpecker were a bit more mainstream. She'd throw in a few classics every now and then, but rarely the Guns. And never this song. But now...it was coming through her, almost demanding to be played. She'd played it only once or twice in her life, and it always left her longing for something she'd never experienced. Something she'd never get to experience. It was a harsh reminder and yet, at the same time, it felt like the antidote to these unexpressed feelings.
Strumming the chords in a slowed down, acoustic version of this normally-upbeat song, she started humming along. Then she began to sing the lyrics.
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry
Whoa, oh, oh
Sweet child o' mine
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Sweet love of mine
Amber was feeling good here and she continued.
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I'd hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by
Whoa, oh, oh
Sweet child o' mine
Whoa whoa, oh, oh, oh
Sweet love of mine
Whoa, yeah
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Sweet child o' mine
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh
Sweet love of mine
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Sweet child o' mine
Ooh, yeah
Ooh, sweet love of mine
It was at this point of inception, jumping off and diving deep, that Amber was unaware of how meditative her rendition of this classic was. Rhythmic and soft, she was almost whispering as he sang. Not stopping, easily drifting underneath the words, the lyrics pulled on her memories as she played and sang, abstract images began to play in her mind like 35mm, out-of-focus home movies. Soft colors, blurred lines, softened images, and a delicate soft voice started echoing in her head, singing along with her.
Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Ooh, oh, where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Oh, where do we go now?
Where do we go? (Sweet child)
Where do we go now?
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay
Where do we go now?
Ah, ah
Where do we go?
Oh, where do we go now?
Oh, where do we go?
Oh, where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Oh, where do we go now?
Now, now, now, now, now, now, now
Sweet child
Sweet child of mine
Whoa, oh, oh
Sweet child o' mine
Whoa whoa, oh, oh, oh
Sweet love of mine
Whoa, yeah
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Sweet child o' mine
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh
Sweet love of mine
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Sweet child o' mine
Ooh, yeah
Ooh, sweet love of mine
Like the last grain of sand dropping through an hourglass, Amber listened as her own voice, and the voice in her head, trailed off into the comfortable stillness of her room. Not even noticing she'd stopped strumming, her hands lay still and relaxed over the guitar as the last phantom tones of her own voice, and the voice in her head, finished singing. Then it was all still as Amber sat there, opened up, motionless. She sat there for minutes in the quiet stillness, yet inside of her that second soft voice that had accompanied her, that voice was still echoing in her mind. The clear sweetness of that voice, in its faded familiarity, lingered. Amber sat there in this transfixed state for a long while. Time had no meaning.
Seeming to wake up, Amber shivered in the cold. In this twilight state, her memory was still misty, there but untouchable. She recalled the familiar voice singing along with her...and this tender, loving, melancholy presence...this came rushing back. Suddenly, she was aware of where she was...and aware she'd been mentally underwater because now she felt like she'd suddenly popped up for air and sunlight. Sitting on her bed, guitar over her torso and unmoving, Amber felt she'd been sitting there for a long time. The passing of time, the sense of stillness in her room, her cold hands, these indicated long minutes had gone unnoticed. It had to have been at least forty minutes she'd been lost in this state...maybe longer.
Reflecting on this mystical experience of being sung to by an ethereal voice, Amber felt her heart cradled by this loving and sad tenderness...and tears silently streamed down her face. She didn't know who had sung with her. She couldn't be sure if she had imagined it or if she really knew this oddly familiar voice. All she knew was that she felt the presence of this loving being. The lyrics of the song, this sense of a presence right there with her, it all enfolded her in its warmth like the remembered embrace from long ago. Despite the coldness of her room Amber hardly felt this. Suddenly, feeling drained, she set her guitar against her nightstand, before shifting herself under her comforter. Tears still rolling down her face, she closed her eyes and just sobbed. These tears emptied from her heart. This painful joy was full within her, filling her up and emptying her out. She drifted off.
Her sleep was dreamless.
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Emerging from her room, oddly clear and reinvigorated, Amber felt the need to be around her brothers, Cas...even Claire. Wandering into the kitchen she found Dean sitting at the table eating a bowl of chili, a hunk of cornbread in his hand.
"Hungry? Grab yourself a bowl. I made some chili and cornbread."
Amber saw the red, yellow and green label of an empty can of Hormel No Beans Texas Cook-Off Chili in the trash. The lid was pried up with that sawtooth crimping around the edges from their ancient can opener. What looked like an empty box of Jiffy Cornbread mix was underneath it, egg shells making a mess on top.
"Felt like one of those cold nights for hot chili." Grinning, crumbs leaking out as he spoke, Dean was reassuringly Dean. Amber would normally be a bit annoyed with his uncouth table manners, but it simply didn't matter right now. Walking to stand next to him, she placed a hand around his shoulder, leaning down to hug him.
"What's that for?"
"Just felt like it," Amber smiled and kissed Dean on his cheek before letting him go.
Looking up at her, Dean was slightly confused, but hey, he'd take it. A happy, affectionate Amber wasn't an everyday occurance.
Claire, entering the kitchen just as Amber was releasing Dean from her hug, slowed her pace in order to size up what was happening here. This open affection towards Dean, the bringer of the hammer, was rare.
"What'd you do Dean...find a binding spell for Lucifer? Grant her access to the Impala?"
Both of the Winchesters looked over at Claire and Amber saw in her confusion was a pang of longing….it was just a flicker. Claire was so good at pulling her feelings in tight, but Amber could see them all so clearly now. Claire was feeling left out...left out of the joke, left out of inclusion, left out of affection. Amber's irritation abated, her face calming from the slightly twisted up frown she hadn't even known she'd shown. But Claire had seen it...and saw her face change.
Dean was slightly confused. Something happened, but he didn't know what. Deciding to just be friendly, he went with it.
"Claire, get yourself a bowl. I made some chili and fresh cornbread." Shoveling a big spoonful into his mouth, Dean made the classic 'Huh hmmm' happy food sound, chewing his chili, this time actually closing his mouth.
Amber stepped away from Dean, not wishing to make him the "object" of Claire's envy or jealousy. Claire clearly wished for affection from Dean. Whether she'd allow this or not didn't matter. She still wished for this type of affection from him and the sense of freedom to allow herself to give and receive this…just as Amber had just done.
Moving over towards the stove, Amber got herself a bowl and also handed one to Claire, a cautious smile as she extended it. Taking it, Claire allowed Amber to dish her up some before returning to fill her own bowl. Each girl grabbed a square of cornbread, before settling down at the table. Amber intentionally took the farthest seat so that Claire would have to sit nearest to Dean. Dean watched this play out and began to catch on a bit.
Remembering the conversation he and Claire had had after she'd been returned from her Impala joy ride, he realised it was high time he paid her a little attention.
"Claire, how's your own research going? Did you find anything? I haven't seen you much."
Chewing and swallowing her bite of chili, Claire looked over at Amber. If she had found a promising spell, Amber would know.
"No. Pretty thin references for binding archangels."
Wanting to keep the conversation going, Dean took it in a slightly different direction.
"I've been going through our arsenal and a lot of it could use maintenance. I know you know how to clean a gun. Do you know how to sharpen a knife? With an oilstone?"
Claire was looking up at Dean, that cocky, amused look playing across her face. Dean took this as a good sign.
"Does a rugaru die by fire?"
Claire's eyes were dancing with energy and mischief. Dean always enjoyed this side of Claire.
"Good. Be ready after we're done here. We can start on the guns from the Impala."
Claire felt competent and capable in this. And Dean...recognizing her ability to back him up in this...this felt great. Dean saw this happiness in her and felt he'd just scored some points.
Amber, watching all of this, was pleased to see Dean and Claire could do something together...and she was exempt from gun and knife maintenance duty. Yuck! Grease and carbon-streaked rags everywhere. The smell of gun oil was kind of nice, but this was such a dirty process, she was glad to kick it down someone else's road.
Turning to Amber, Dean continued.
"Cas will be waiting for you in the library. He said something about the two of you trying to find Kelly, while Sam figures the spells out."
Amber heard this and simply nodded, her thoughts turning over as she quietly considered how she and Cas would do this. She knew that all of them, herself included, were still in a state of shock and denial following Crowley's visit earlier. None were addressing the elephant in the room. Nobody could. Busying themselves with everything they could focus their minds on, keeping their hands occupied, seemed to be the only way to gradually come to terms with everything. Amber was relieved that they all seemed to share a similar need for space, and time to work through this, before directly addressing anything among each other. She knew sooner rather than later this would be all they'd be talking about, but for now she didn't have to worry about it.
A tired looking Sam entered the kitchen next and headed over to get himself a bowl of chili. Seating himself down at the table, he folded his long legs and scooted in next to Amber.
Dean glanced over at Sam's plate.
"What? No cornbread?"
Glancing up Sam saw the pan was on top of the prep table.
"I'll get it." Amber piped up and everyone turned to look at her as she made no movement to get up.
Focusing her attention on a particular square, Amber mentally picked it up and floated it across the room towards Sam...allowing it to hover in front of him. Sam stared at it so surprised he didn't make any move to grab it, just gaped at the floating piece for a few long seconds. The collective admiration burst out into minor laughter as Amber dropped the cornbread into Sam's bowl causing a small 'splunck' sound as it fell into the chili, a few splatters of red-brown sauce polka-spotted the table.
Claire couldn't help herself, grinning broadly. This was so cool.
"Wow. You're really getting the hang of this." Sam was deeply impressed by how much Amber had been able to control this new ability….and so soon. Impressive.
"Yeah," was all Amber felt like saying, her self-satisfied smile showing how pleased she was, too.
"What else can you do?"
"Amber has demonstrated remarkable control with progressively heavier items using spatial control, weight compensation and direction."
Cas stood at the entrance to the kitchen, seemingly having been listening to their conversation for the last few minutes. Dean gulped, and coughed from swallowing wrong, while Amber blanched. Sam sighed and held a hand to his forehead. Only Claire seemed nonplussed by the angel's contextual 'dive bombing'.
"Goddammit Cas…" was Dean's only response.
Cas listened to Dean's complaint, not offering any response.
Sam picked it up from here.
"What else have you and Cas practiced? Anything that can be applied to a hunt?"
Amber's wheels were turning. Applied to hunt? Literally tons of things she could now do if they needed help during a hunt.
Deciding to show off a bit more, at a distance, Amber now lifted the knife Dean had used to cut the cornbread. It still lay on the counter with the pan. Levitating it and shifting it into a horizontal position, it was steadily moving over to the table where they sat. Upon arrival, Amber allowed the knife to descend smoothly to lie flat on the table without even an accidental 'clink' or wobble as it settled.
Amber didn't let them know that with an object this light she could now accelerate it with precision. She was pretty sure she could accelerate it with enough force to imbed it into the wall. This factoid she kept to herself.
Looking over at Sam, Dean winked at him, "High value target, eh Sammy?"
Sam grimaced at this inside joke, but overall, it was kind of funny.
Amber's powers were literally blooming. It was thrilling to see, even more thrilling for Amber. So much of her life, she'd hidden herself, everything about her existence had been a handicap without any redeeming features. Now she had so many new abilities she was benefiting from.
"Adapt this to vampire hunts and we've got a secret weapon." Claire was sounding smug and pleased...a bit too pleased. Amber's smile turned into a grin as the two girls visualised this.
"Whoa, whoa whoa. You're not going on any vampire hunts, Barbie."
"Sure, Dean. Whatever you say." Claire's sudden and unconvincing acquiesce left Dean and Sam both concerned that these two girls would sneak off on a vampire hunt. Maybe not now, under the circumstances, but they could see it happening. Overconfidence had been the death of many hunters...good hunters.
The twin frowns of the Winchester brothers registering, Claire raised both eyebrows at them.
"I said, 'Sure, Dean', What more do you want?" Glancing at Amber, Claire smiled her shit-eating-grin and Amber understood only too well how this usually played out.
Deciding to demonstrate that she'd only lend her newly acquired abilities to what she deemed were 'approved' adventures, Amber glanced at Claire. Their eyes meeting, Amber cocked an eyebrow to indicate she wasn't such a pushover. Claire could declare anything she wanted, but Amber kept her own counsel. Shoulders slightly sagging, Claire understood any hunting Amber lent her skills to, well, it wouldn't simply be at Claire's choosing.
The brothers saw this exchange and thought better of interjecting anything. In fact, this restraint on Amber's part was reassuring...maybe. The jury was still out.
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Amber looked at the map in front of her, standing at one end of the war-room's table, while Cas stood directly across from her on the other side. This was the first time they were using this detailed map-covered table and she found it bizarre. She always thought it would never be useful even though it was kind of cool.
A crystal dangling at the end of a silver chain was placed at the center of the map and a small silver knife laid right next to it.
In theory this should work, although Cas had never employed this technique.
"It's the resonance of like-responding to like."
"You mean like I'm a nephilim and so is Kelly's baby and we should have a similar presence, kind of a similar feel in relation to each other?" Amber felt like she was babbling.
"Yes."
Ok, I guess I get this," was all Amber could offer. This idea was the only thing they had come up with. They had to move fast! Kelly could be getting close to giving birth. This accelerated timeline was the wild card...or at least the second wildcard. The nephilim child of Lucifer...THAT was the original wildcard.
"Your blood contains grace of the same nature as Kelly's nephilim. When it comes into contact with the crystal and the silver chain it will channel your energetic signature into the pendulum," Cas explained. "You will then move it over the map as it hovers and it will hopefully draw you to where Kelly is currently located."
"So you want me to cut myself?" Amber asked scrunching up her nose in displeasure.
"Just a small prick to get a few drops on the chain and crystal. This is all we need", Cas said, trying to be reassuring.
Taking the knife in her hand Amber brought it to her upper wrist and pressed its tip to her skin lightly. It was unbelievably sharp...like a razor. And like a razor, she hardly felt it slice her skin. The sensation was more pressure than pain...no pain in fact.
Finishing the draw of the knife, slowly a thin red line appeared. Amber, clenching and releasing her fist, over and over, and got her blood to welled up into a beautiful red stripe with swirling iridescence. It was mesmerizing. She'd never seen her own blood like this before. Had it always looked like this?
Grasping the end of the chain the crystal dangled from, Amber gilded these drops down her wrist and hand to the chain. A larger-than-expected amount of blood dripped down her fingers, down the chain, and onto the crystal suspended at the bottom of this. The iridescent swirls in her blood seem to curl around the chain and grapevine around the crystal...pooling at the crystal's descending tip….a drop growing here, dangling but not letting go.
"Now pass this over the map and feel where it pulls you."
Listening to Cas' instructions, Amber slowly passed this blood-marked crystal pendulum over the map of the US. They'd decided to start with the US and if this didn't help, the'y get the world map...perhaps even using the War Room table as reference. The crystal hung still and straight as she passed it over the map. Nothing tugged at her, nothing impeded her movement.
Then this changed.
Amber watched as the pendulum started rotating in circular motions as it was hovering, but she didn't feel it "drawing" her hand anywhere. It simply circled and circled as she moved her hand slowly over a section of the map they were focusing on.
Brow furrowing, expression growing annoyed, Amber sighed in frustration. She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, closing her eyes as she tried to focus better on her target. She could feel the sense that this other nephilim was out there somewhere. It had felt like this for a couple of days now, but she still couldn't feel any connection between that nephilim presence and the crystal in her hand.
"Just try to calm your mind. Instead of focusing try to unfocus. Feel the weight of the crystal and keep your attention on that," Cas instructed, sensing her disappointment and frustration.
"Let me project into your mind Kelly's face, voice and energy. This may help you attune your search and connect more clearly."
Eyes opening and locking with Cas', Amber quietly acknowledged her agreement to this. Soon, her mind was filled with images of memories of this woman with wide-set eyes...this serene face. A voice, soft and calm, was now resonating in her mind, goodness radiated from her. Feeling the love coming from these memories of Kelly, Amber wondered how Lucifer / POTUS had managed to talk this woman into an extramarital affair. This idea seemed inconceivable, incongruent to this gentle person.
"She was lied to and Lucifer's power is very strong...even on good people."
Looking up at Cas, Amber's frowned. He'd forgotten their agreement to not read her thoughts.
"Feeding me your thoughts, Cas. Not reading mine, remember?" She reminded him curtly, sending a glare his way.
The angel's forehead creased, and Amber felt his presence 'vacate' her mind. Good!
Refocusing herself on their search, Amber allowed herself to sink into the feeling more, moving her arm slowly over the map...especially in the areas where the crystal pendulum had begun to circle of its own accord. This was promising.
Passing her arm over the map several times, slowing down and really feeling this connection...well, it was inconclusive. While the crystal now wobbled, it didn't swirl, or it partially swirled and then went still together. What was going on?
Letting it drop with a frustrated sigh, Amber glared at the pendulum as it landed on the map's surface with a thud, droplets of her blood formed a single droplet on its surface.
"This isn't working, Cas."
"Amber, working with a new technique can take some time to attune to the method as well as the tools itself. Clear your mind, let me share Kelly's energy again, and try one more time."
Looking up at Cas, Amber wasn't encouraged by this. It felt like they were done and this attempt was desperation. Cas understood this and his face slumped into a more solemn appearance.
Seeing this, Amber decided to give it another try for the angel's sake.
"Ok...ok. I'll try again." Amber resumed her position hovering over the map on the table. Her effort went on for over 30 minutes before she 'put a cork' in it. She was exhausted. Nothing changed but the elusive hover with an inconclusive wobble. The drop of blood remained unchanged on the map's surface.
"It's not working and I'm tired." Amber felt defeated, angry and spent. Her anger was her disappointment that something that should've been so likely to give up Kelly's location...didn't.
Worry adding to her frustration, Amber felt like throwing the damn crystal against the opposite wall. She didn't and managed to control her reaction. After all, her anger was really about herself and her inability to do this rather than the tool that rested in her palm. Every second Kelly was AWOL was a second she could be attacked, captured, or worse, Kelly could be killed. She felt the weight of the responsibility to find her and this failure hurt.
"We need to find a different way. I don't know why this didn't work." The finality in Amber's voice said they were done. Cas understood they wouldn't try any more...at least not any more today.
"Don't you have another angel you know and trust that could help us out?" She asked out of desperation. She wasn't one to think of angels as creatures she'd turn to for help, but at this point, their options were rather limited.
"There are not many of us left in Heaven. And there are no angels I can trust with this knowledge to risk asking them." This wasn't very encouraging.
"And they wouldn't be able to do this any faster than we are. Do not forget that all of us have fallen. No ability to fly. Our wings have burned. We can only access heaven through portals and travel the earth through human means."
"So you're practically human without any of the benefits of human experience?"
"What benefits of human experience are you talking about?" Cas head tilted to the side as he considered this apparent nonsensical hypothetical question.
"Food, sex, companionship, empathy, joy in the simple things like... a rainbow or puppies and kittens?" Amber felt stupid saying this...it sounded like a TV commercial for an anti-depressant. She figured Cas hadn't seen a pharmaceutical commercial like this.
"Some of us have experienced some of these things. It still doesn't change the fact that in this instance angels wouldn't prove useful," Cas answered, neutrally.
Amber's curiosity spiked. There was something about the way he phrased his answer. She wondered about all the things she didn't know about Castiel and his "human experiences".
"Right…" was her only answer, resisting the urge to poke into his mind right now. She'd have to do this at a less conspicuous time. Placing the crystal pendulum down on the map, another dot of blood marking this contact, Amber let the chain coil around the crystal and she made her way out of the war-room and towards her room.
In the meantime, Sam, cooped up in his own room brought his cell phone to his ear. The phone rang, and he was waiting nervously for Rowena to pick wasn't sure if the witch would be ready to share her thoughts, but he needed to follow up sooner rather than later. It rang again...and was answered.
"Hello, Rowena?"
"Yes, Sam. Are you calling to continue our talk on finding this wayward pregnant woman?"
"No and yes. I mean, we still haven't been able to find her. If you or Crowley have any news, do share. What I'd like to know right now is if you checked those spells I sent you. Can they be adapted to bind Lucifer?"
"Clever spells, the lot of them. Quite elegant in fact, but no. I've not been able to strengthen them to the level we would need for this. I wish I could say otherwise."
Sam's face fell at her answer. "Nothing?"
Sighing heavily….Rowena sounded put upon that she was being questioned by this...this human peasant.
"If I could strengthen them, I would. I have a shared interest in binding Lucifer, too you know."
His own sigh bringing this conversation to a close, Sam was getting worried. They'd been working through their best ideas and coming up empty-handed.
"I have a few more ideas I'm working on, but for now, no. I cannot use these spells. Clever spells. I'd love to see the book they came from. With a few ingredients we could possibly bend this spell to our purpose."
"Ingredients like what?" Sam asked, perking up some at the possibility of a solution.
"If we had the petrified feather Lucifer used when he was summoned by those idiots and got himself rejuvenated...then the spell could be unmade and we could remake it as we like. Use this to strengthen the spell's power... I could work with something like that"
"And where would we get this feather?" Sam was getting even more irritated by such an outlandish possibility.
"That's long gone, Sam. It evaporated when it was used by Lucifer to make his vessel good as new. I'm just giving you a picture of what would be a strong enough enhancer for these spells. I'll need to research this further and see if there is anything similar we could use. If I could only see this book Sam, I think..."
""Not happening. Ok. If we find anything else we'll be in touch. Call us if you do."
"I'm rebuffed for my request and yet you entreat me to call you should I find a solution. Not very friendly of you, Sam."
"About as friendly as kidnapping my sister and trying to kill her."
"Oh, that. Can't we get past this wee indiscretion? After all, we didn't plan to kill her. It would be just one of the possible adverse side-effects of a complicated magical process."
"Good bye." Sam snapped the phone shut on this conversation. Rubbing his eyes in frustration, contemplating their meager resources on this front….he just needed a mental breather.
Now what? They were still without a single lead panning out.
꧁ W ꧂꧁ T ꧂꧁ W ꧂꧁ T ꧂꧁ A ꧂
Letting the warm water cascade over her body, Amber was clearing her mind and trying to screw up her courage...and resourceful thinking. The shower was useful for this introspective review and it was warm.
Lucifer planned on creating a nephilim hybrid...with her. Just like Kelly, she'd be carrying a child who's a nephilim...and unlike Kelly, her child would be something the world had never seen before. And it would be a powerful creature. There was no questioning that. Caressing her own abdomen, Amber tried to imagine what it must be like to have her flat stomach grow round with a child...her child. She'd never had these thoughts before. Ever since her sexual life started, a possible pregnancy was her biggest fear. She had no plans to become a mother. She never had any such desire. Not then, not now. Yet, these thoughts, this potential scenario of her becoming a mother triggered a pang of longing for her own mom. Now that she knew what being a nephilim meant, now that these thoughts had invaded her mind, she started processing the fact that if she survived this and lived to grow old, she wouldn't have the choice of having a kid. Ever. And despite this not being her priority in the slightest, not having this choice made her angry and sad.
Ironically, Lucifer intended not to give her a choice either. His plan of forced procreation, of making her the mother of his nephilim, was terrifying. And would it be just one? What if he planned to have her impregnated time after time, creating a whole army. She was a nephilim. If an angel could survive a nephilim's birth, she could too. Her mother would have survived if she hadn't needed to give her life for the powerful binding spell. Her stomach churned and she felt nauseous at these thoughts. How could this be real? How could she be facing this situation right now?
She thought of Kelly's love towards her child. Would she feel this loving kindness towards a child she was forced to have with Lucifer? Towards a bunch of them? For sure she knew how her brothers would feel towards any child she had with Lucifer. Or anyone else for that matter. If she ever chose to have a kid it would be a nephilim, no matter who or what the father was. And her kid… It wouldn't really matter if it was good, bad…didn't matter, Sam and Dean were hunters above all. And they would want to kill it... This thought shook her. Death would be their verdict.
Feeling her chest tighten, Amber was on the verge of having a panic attack. Despite the shower's warm flow, her lungs constricted with her fear. She was breathing in shallow, tight breaths, water cascading all around her. It felt like she breathing underwater...unnatural and forced.
Despite having her eyes open, Amber was starting to see dark spots in her vision. This was frightening and pushed her further into the panic attack...her vision growing entirely dark. Losing her balance, Amber leaned back against the wall of the shower...sliding down the wall until she was sitting on the tiled floor of the tub. Not having to exert effort to keep herself upright, she felt a small measure of relief in this.
Amber's brain gradually started to clear, and she rubbed at her face, hands trembling. She took in shaky breaths as the water kept pouring over her and she tried to invoke her logic over her emotional distress. She had to face the facts. There was a chance that Lucifer's plans would work. But there was also the fact that she wasn't alone. She had her family with her. And they planned to do anything they possibly could to help her, to stop this nightmare from coming true. She knew and trusted that Sam and Dean would do anything in their power to help her and stop Lucifer. A tiny voice in her head was still whispering that they would also do everything in their power to kill any future-conceived nephilim no matter who the parents were. But she couldn't focus on that. Not now. In this fucked up, surreal situation she needed to prioritize. Find Kelly. Save the kid. Stop Lucifer.
Standing back up in the shower, Amber was feeling the resolve of a momentary reprieve from mental uncertainty. Her whole life had been about uncertainty….and she could navigate this, too. She could get through this. And then she felt this pang of longing...she really missed Tyler. She hadn't spoken to him in so long. She could talk with him about anything...even this. She wondered how he was doing...and that bitchy, beautiful girlfriend of his. This thought put a small smile on her face...remembering Tyler's love of the controlling, beautiful girls. She didn't get it, but she didn't have to. Tyler did and he was her friend. But still this was funny to her and just the antidote to this intense moment.
Getting out of the shower...Amber took a deep, centering breath. Onward.
Hair combed through but still wet, dressed in a fresh change of comfortable sweats, Amber crossed the hall back to her bedroom. She stood in the middle of her room and wondered what she should do now. Well, she knew what she should do: Continue her research. But Sam still had the French book. And she had zero energy or motivation to strain her brain over the cryptic text anyways.
Her thoughts traveled to her failed attempt to locate Kelly. And then it hit her. She did have one more resource. One she hadn't thought to use. Biting the inside of her lower lip she walked to her nightstand and grabbed her phone, making the call that she hoped would make a difference.
"Amber?"
Kyle's voice on the other side of the line sounded urgent as it always did whenever she called him. As if he was constantly expecting her to scream for help as soon as he picked up. Amber rolled her eyes but kept her tone even. They hadn't talked since the day she'd snuck him in the bunker. It was nice to hear his voice.
"Hey Kyle. I'm fine. You can calm down."
She'd heard an intake of breath on the other end, and now she heard exhaled relief.
"You always expect a disaster when I call?" Amber was speaking with some humor about this, but she understood this was most likely the case. Considering she thought he knew more than he cared to share about her situation, she could understand this. Her situation was more than met the eyes...and so was Kyle.
"Not always. Just most of the time. What's up? How are you?"
"Ok...mostly. But…" and here she took a breath giving her mind the final chance to decide whether she was going here with Kyle or not. Nothing more than the usual alarms going off, she asked, "I'm trying to find someone who doesn't wish to be found. A woman...a pregnant woman."
"Didn't know your tastes went in this direction?"
"Ha, ha. Very funny. I'd expect this of you...or Dean...but I'm serious."
"Okay… Does that mean you want me to help with spotting her?"
"Could you?"
"I may be able to...I'll probably be able to. Depends on how hard she tries to stay hidden. Who is she?"
"Kelly Kline. Her name's Kelly Kline and she's carrying the child of the president."
The silence on the other end was ominous. Amber had never heard silence from Kyle before.
"Kyle...you there?"
"Yeah." Amber heard a deep breath and felt whatever she heard next wasn't going to be light banter. She'd got Kyle's attention.
"Do you know how dangerous this is? I mean like, really dangerous?"
"Yeah, I do. And I know you can help me find her."
"Amber, don't go there. Trust me. Don't go after her. That's…" Pause. Frustrated sigh. "That's the reason she is in this situation. So that you and your family go after her. She's bait. You need to keep yourself safe and lay low."
Here, Amber was silent. Was Kelly bait? They had thought of the possibility. They knew she was a destruction. But could she be the actual bait? Luring them out? Had every thought she'd had been anticipated? Was she being played?
This thought terrified her. Any thought she perceived as original...could this have been manipulated to feel original while serving Lucifer's direction and purpose? Was she being gaslighted by the master of all gaslighting?
And in the end did it really matter? Could they ignore this, leave Kelly at his mercy? Allow her kid to be raised by him to serve his master plan?
"I need to find Kelly. I am staying home, all safe here, if she can be found by you. We're utilising all our resources to locate her. And I thought I could turn to you for this. I need your help, Kyle. Can you find her?"
Of all things, Kyle felt the pull of the masculine need to help this woman...to save the day. Studpid but primal...and Klye was many things...including a man.
"Look, if she was anybody else… I'd be able to find her in a matter of days. Maybe hours. And there's nothing I wouldn't do to help you. But, I can't promise I'll be able to find this particular woman. I can try…" Pause again. "I'll try. But no promises. If she doesn't want to be found that means she's not hiding just from you. And I won't be the only one seeking her. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
The pit of Amber's stomach dropped to her feet. She did understand what he was saying...Lucifer may get to her before they did.
"Yeah I do. So, please, hurry, Kyle. Alright? If they find her first… I don't even wanna think what might happen. Just… Just try, alright?"
Just then there was a knock at Amber's door.
"Amber, it's us, Sam and Dean. Can we come in?"
On the other side of the door, Dean and Sam heard their sister talking quietly to someone. Looking at each other, they underwood she was on the phone..to someone. A look of agitation on Dean's face meant Sam was going to play referee again.
Not expecting an answer, Dean ignored Sam's attempt to halt him and he opened the door, walking straight in.
Amber glared at him from the other side of the room, where she still stood, phone to her ear, back to the door for privacy. Turning her attention back to her phone call she spoke quietly.
"I gotta go now. Call me if you have any news. And thanks for this." Eyeing an annoyed Dean, she added emphatically, "Talk to you soon. Miss you."
Smiling at his answer, she snapped her phone shut, and turned fully to face the intrusion. Dean was closest to her...having heard the voice on the other end of the phone. He knew that voice.
"You miss that douche?"
"I'm allowed. I have a thing for missing douches. I miss you sometimes."
That wasn't the answer he was expecting and Dean's brain was stuttering to a halt, attempting to unwind and understand if he'd just been insulted. Sam let out a laugh at this quick wit.
Amber was good.
Dean, looking at his brother, frowned at the lack of backup he was getting here. Sam neither stopped smiling entirely nor offered to back him up. They'd come here for a different purpose and he wasn't going to let Dean's ego derail this.
"Any news on what?" Sam asked, focusing on an entirely different part of what they'd heard.
"I asked him to keep an eye out for Kelly," Amber answered sincerely. "I mean, Cas' plan for locating her through me was a total bust. And I realized we've utilised every other resource we have to spot her. From Crowley to Jody. If we can trust Crowley with this, we can trust Kyle, too."
Sam thought this was logical...and rather sharp of her. He hadn't thought of this. And he knew Dean was going to have a problem with this.
"You shouldn't trust that dick with anything, Amber. Let alone sensitive intel like this! Crowley already knew everything and Jody's family," was Dean's reaction.
"Can you use his name for a change? What are you, five? And I happen to trust him. He's helped us before and he's willing to help us now. I didn't tell him why we're looking for her. Just that it's imperative we find her first."
"Yeah Dean, you could use his name." Sam was a bit smirky at this and it was fun. Dean had been waaay too tightly wound about Amber and Kyle...well, about Amber and any guy. Seeing him teased by Amber for this….Sam wasn't above a little bit of voyeuristic revenge.
"So what's next? You'll call that Josh guy too? Have him look for her?" Dean asked annoyed.
"You know, that's not a bad idea at all. I mean, he has his own circle of hunters to turn to. Why didn't I think of this earlier?" Amber answered in an excited tone.
Sam actually burst out with a laugh. This was good. Amber 2 - Dean 0.
"You want me to call him now? Would you like to say hello?" Amber asked, eyes never leaving Dean's.
At his less than pleased countenance, she raised an eyebrow. Amber was having a good time with this.
Intervening, Sam took control of the conversation.
"Can we just talk right now?" Sam had those upside down 'U's' on his forehead. This trainwreck needed to stop before it grew any bigger.
Moving to sit on her bed, back against the headboard, Amber relented. Huffing in a deep breath, she was bracing for a shitstrom. She wasn't far off.
"We can, Sam. What do you guys wanna talk about?"
"Well...about you. What we learned today...this was huge. How are you feeling about this?"
"How do you think I feel, Sam? How do you feel? Excited to become an uncle? I'm scared shitless."
The brothers exchanged a look and this was clearly what they'd expected.
"Yeah, it's a lot." Dean was trying to be empathetic. Sam had been onto him for months. 'Put yourself in her shoes, Dean. How would you feel if this was your life?'
"You know we won't let this happen though, right?" Dean added.
"I know you're hellbent on trying. We all are. But I don't see us making the slightest progress, Dean. We have no spell to bind the fucker. We have a pregnant woman with a nephilim who's AWOL, and we know Luci has big-time plans for my uterus. Sorry, but I'm not really optimistic about the possible outcomes," was Amber's dry response. She had exhausted her emotional responses. Her tears. All she was left with was this angry worry and despairing acceptance.
Thinking of their sister as pregnant...and pregnant by Lucifer...both brothers blanched, looking a bit grey.
"We'll find a spell. Rowena is on it, we're on it. It's only a matter of time. There's always something out there that can work and if there's anyone able to find it that's us, Amber," Sam answered.
"And we'll also find Kelly. Those two are our first priorities right now and we'll succeed. Once she's here, safe with us, we'll figure out how to take care of the nephilim issue, too. I know right now it doesn't feel like it, but we'll figure this out."
"Figure this out," Amber scoffed. "Something tells me the way you plan to figure this out doesn't bode well for at least one life." As she spoke these words, her arms coiled around her middle, hugging her stomach as she slightly slouched forward. This was instinctual and involuntary.
Sam noticed this subtle 'tell' of Amber's state of mind.
As they stood there, Amber's hands were now caressing her lower stomach in a peculiar way. It seemed her movements were unconscious. Sam's senses were on high alert. Was Amber pregnant? No, that didn't make sense. How could she? Was she projecting given the situation with Kelly and her nephilim?
Clearly, Amber was deeply affected by everything going on.
Elbowing his brother, Sam indicated they should sit.
Pulling the desk chair out and turning it around so he could straddle it facing Amber, Sam sat down. Dean leaned back against the desk, arms folded over his chest, legs crossed. He was feeling defensive in this fraught situation.
"Amber, when I say, 'Figure this out', I truly mean, we'll figure this out. All of us will figure this out because it affects us all."
Amber heard Sam and thought he was really trying to keep this issue on the table...to reassure her. But how much of this could she trust? They'd made their position clear.
"Sam, you don't want me to lie to you. Don't lie to me. We all know where you stand on this," Amber replied, eyeing her brothers challengingly.
"That's not important right now. The nephilim can't live, that's a given," Dean intervened.
"Like hell it's not important right now. It's very important right now."
Amber's was louder now...empathic and direct.
"No, Amber! What's important is that you stay alive and out of that fucker's hands. That's all we care about. That's all you should care about."
Deciding to lance this boiling situation...Amber threw out the hot hypothetical that would determine everything from this point forward.
"Kelly's child is marked for death...by you. That child's crime was his father...nothing he did. Not even his mother's influence is considered here."
Amber allowed this statement to hang in the air...for her words to be taken in.
"So, if I ever have the chance to have a child...will Uncle Sam and Uncle Dean's contribution to this child's future be to start planning his death, too?"
Bam!
Amber had landed a powerful blow...in a tender spot.
Sam was shocked into silence by this question. Just like Amber, this thought hadn't crossed his mind before now. There they were, all these months trying to make things better, end Lucifer, in order to give their sister a "normal" life. But was that really ever an option?
Dean's face slumped, his mouth dropping open. He looked like he'd been slapped and his brain hadn't registered the pain...he was still dealing with the shock of it.
"I really want to know the answer, guys. You keep saying that we're family and nothing matters more than family. Well, here we are, fifteen years from now. Lucifer is gone. And I decide that I want a child. And I'm pregnant. And my kid, no matter who the father is, will be a nephilim. A nephilim that won't have walked the earth before. The nephilim of a nephilim….as I'll be the first nephilim ever procreating. It'll be more powerful than me. We know that much. What will you do? Who will be "more" family then? Me? My kid? The two of you? What should I expect?"
"Why are we discussing this?" Dean asked, his voice a growl. "Don't you think we have more pressing issues than your fifteen-year plan right now?"
"No Dean...we don't! There's nothing more important to me right now than knowing the answer to that question. Would my brothers, my only family, kill my child just because it'd be a nephilim?"
"Hunters shouldn't have families anyway. The outcome is always the same. We know this. You know this. There's no point in discussing this," Dean tried to shut this down once again. He couldn't process this. He refused to.
"I don't plan to become a hunter, Dean," Amber stated. "Especially if we manage to get rid of Lucifer."
"And you plan to become a mother? A housewife?" Dean asked back a hint of irony in his tone.
Amber shrugged. "I don't know. I could become a lot of things. I might at some point. Who knows what I'll want in fifteen years? You've still not answered my question." Turning to Sam, she added, "Neither of you."
This girl was posing some difficult questions….life questions which she deserved to have answered. It also brought them face to face with the ugliness of what they were planning to do, shedding a different light on the situation.
Sam swallowed with difficulty. He didn't want to lie to her. But in reality he didn't think he had an answer, either. What would they do? What could they do in this hypothetical scenario?
"Amber… Not knowing what the outcome of such a nephilim pregnancy would be… We can't really just answer that, on the spot, can we?" Sam tried to smooth this out.
"Are you saying you aren't completely sure Kelly's nephilim pregnancy will result in an evil child?"
"No, we're sure. Because the father is Lucifer! Dammit, Amber, how many times do we need to go over this?" Dean was getting angry at being cornered by this scenario.
"So, you're telling me that for sure you would kill my baby, too." This was a statement, not a question.
"No. Not unless you plan to have it with Lucifer," Dean answered sarcastically.
"Okay. I have it with Josh. Not even Josh. A random human. Not even a hunter. Just a human. Would you kill my child just because it would be a nephilim? Like me?"
"It wouldn't be like you," Dean countered quietly. Too quietly.
"Dean," Sam hissed, but it was too late.
Amber nodded with a sad smile on her face. "Thought as much." After a short pause she added. "You're such hypocrites. You are willing to take lives to save mine, a nephilim's. You protected me, no questions asked when you learned what I am, because you decided I'm important to you. And yet anybody else out there who is like me, who is important to somebody else, who has their own family, is just another hunt for you. I wonder what dad would have to say in this situation. I really do."
"Dad would say to focus on killing Lucifer. And tackling everything else when we had to. He'd also rain down hell on all of us for fighting among ourselves instead of trusting each other and putting family first," Sam said soberly.
"You're asking a valid question, Amber. But now is not the time to address them. What you need to know, the only thing you need to know, is that we love you and we'd do anything to protect and take care of you," Sam concluded.
"But not my child...who'd also be your blood."
"Are you pregnant?" Dean asked bluntly.
"No, Dean. I'm not." This felt odd saying this. Of course she wasn't. But someday she might be.
"Then drop this. We don't need to tackle this right now. Lucifer has gotten in your head. It's what he does. You're sixteen. If you ever decide you want kids, we can have this conversation again." Dean was trying, he was really trying to defuse this. And bring this discussion back to a focus. They wanted to make sure their sister was doing alright, holding up through this new shitstorm. And here they were, navigating a whole other shitstorm.
"We do need to have this conversation now….because when we find Kelly, what then, huh? Do we kill her in the field, burn her body and her child's body right here...or do we bring her back to the bunker to really do it right?"
"Nobody's killing Kelly. We would never put her life at risk, we told you that. We'll find another way," Sam immediately answered.
"What do you think will happen to her when you kill her child, hmmm?"
"By the time we do it, she'll want it gone as much as we do, Amber. Nobody wants to be the mother of Satan's baby."
"And what if she's the mother of an angelic being. Lucifer is an archangel. He has angelic grace."
Amber's voice was getting louder and louder. She wasn't being heard.
"Lucifer is the root of all evil. Yes, his origin is angelic, but Amber, trust me. I've been with him. In close quarters. For too long. I know, you want to believe this child is good. But this creature… His father… There's not a single ounce of goodness in him," Sam's words came out hoarse. And his eyes reflected all the dark moments, all the excruciating time he'd passed in Lucifer's cage.
Amber's heart was tightening, her shoulders hurt from the rigid stance she had been in during this argument. She felt for Sam. She really did. She could see his point. And yet she knew this child was not like Lucifer. She was lost and torn and confused. One moment she was sure of her conviction to save Kelly's baby. And the next she knew there was a possibility she was wrong. This was all too much. Too heavy. She couldn't contain it anymore. And then it happened, eyes glowing gold….Amber's emotions and grace took over.
Suddenly all the things that were sitting on the desk, on the floor, on her bed...her journal, loose pens and pencils, the empty guitar case, her cell phone, they were all lifted into the air about a foot and slammed back down onto whatever surface they had been on, making a loud bang!
"We're done here. I can't talk any more about any of this. We have a plan and we're following through with it. I need you both out of my room. Now." Amber's voice was authoritative and final. This was not a position either brother had been on the receiving end of before.
And neither brother knew how to deal with this.
Getting to his feet, Sam looked his sister in the face uncertain if he should intervene here or leave. Mouth shut, thinking over his options, Sam decided he and Dean should leave. And give Amber some space and time to work through this. Nodding his head in the direction of the door, he directed Dean to follow him. Quietly, the brothers started walking out of the room.
"We're here if you need us, okay?" Sam offered before closing the door completely, pausing as he exited her room.
"Yeah, Sam. I know."
Closing the door behind themselves, Sam and Dean left, a forlorn look on Sam's face, confounding frustration on Dean' the door was closed and Amber was alone in her room.
Emotions high, Amber found herself teary-eyed again. She felt like her chest was about to burst with this cacophony of emotions she couldn't even name.
A loud wail made its way out of her throat….loud and mournful. Amber had never heard this sound come out of herself before….and she was sobbing, panicking, her breathing shallow and rapid. This was such a powerful response, Amber was locked into this state of complete loss and confusion. Her instincts and intuition dragging her in inconceivable directions. The uncertainty of the innocence of Kelly's kid. The certainty of her brothers loving her. The doubt of whether or not she could trust them, regardless of this love. The uncertainty of every possible outcome in this new direction their lives had taken.
Laying down on her side, her body couldn't contain everything she was feeling. Like sugar syrup boiling over atop too-high of a flame, these molten feelings grew to overflowing, up and out everywhere...a searing path of emotional pain that felt almost good in its rending. The deep, burning exaltation seemed appropriate to the situation...appropriately scarring.
Lying on her side, curled up, Amber let out this torrential dam of frustration, sadness, hopelessness and despair. This was the hardest she had ever cried in her life...and she allowed it. The room shook a bit, the joists of the construction holding, but squeaking with this energetic burst.
On the other side of the door, her brothers heard her crying and looked at each other. They felt helpless, too.
Cas heard Amber's wail, saw the images and feelings spilling out of her, the pain. Cas was in the library...and even in there, Amber's unguarded images and emotions were thrown out for absolutely anyone to see. Cas was stunned by what he felt coming from her.
Claire, hesitating as she was rounding the hallway corner, had backed up to peer around it when she'd heard Amber. She watched Sam and Dean standing outside Amber's room, neither moving nor going in. Their lack of commitment to enter or leave had never happened before.
Still out in the hallway, the brothers felt compelled to keep listening for any sound coming from Amber's room.
"What the hell are we gonna do, Sam?" Dean asked, barely managing to hide the tremble of his voice.
Sam didn't know.
He didn't say anything.
꧁ W ꧂꧁ T ꧂꧁ W ꧂꧁ T ꧂꧁ A ꧂
What did you think of chapter 31?
Did anything surprise you? Trouble you? Excite you?
What do you think of Sam and Dean's stance on killing the nephilim because of his father?
What do you think of Amber's hypothetical question about her own future child?
How do you like the direction this story has taken thus far?
Have you ever had such a life-changing situation like this?
How did you handle it?
Have you ever felt angelic help in difficult situations?
If you have, how did this happen?
What were you saved from?
How did this feel?
Did our WTWTA story remind you of a real-life situation? (We don't expect you've had, or fathered a nephilim child, but do share if you have!)
We're getting close to the final beats of this story and we'd love hearing from y'all.
Lay your love on us in word and deed. Leave us a review.
Happy hunting.
~MarionLuth & LauWhisperer