xi.
forgiveness is a lesson he cursed you to learn
(Uneven Odds by Sleeping at Last)
June 12, 1976
Hermione stared at the canopy of her bed and waited for midnight.
She had gone through the day in a daze, mechanically finishing her Herbology essay, which she knew she hadn't written properly. Hermione had religiously stayed beside Severus in case he showed any signs of breaching his promise and going to the Shrieking Shack later that night, but Sev had been normal all throughout the day. He still shot longing looks at the back of Lily's fiery red head, the Gryffindor now opting to sit at the Gryffindor table with Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald. Lily still warmly greeted Hermione, gave her hugs and talked to her when they crossed paths, but she had been steering clear of her too, because the Ravenclaw made it a point to keep an eye on Severus. Although she missed Lily terribly, she reckoned that Severus needed her more than Lily did.
Mercifully, the day came into an end. Severus quietly ate with her at the Ravenclaw table. With Lily not accompanying them, conversations between them were curt and only necessary. Lily was the chatterbox after all, and she never ran out of words. Severus was still lost in his sea of despondence to converse with her. Hermione was busy trying to come up with any exit plans if Severus really did choose to go after the Marauders.
Suffice to say, the two had so many other things on their minds that they didn't really notice the quiet between them.
The brunette then slowly sat up once she saw that her wristwatch had now struck midnight. She hadn't bothered to remove her school uniform from the day, too tired to change into her pyjamas when she knew she'd be gone at night anyway. Hermione grabbed one of her thick, blue woollen sweaters and donned it over her head. She then pointed her wand at her black shoes to silence her footsteps.
Slowly drawing away her bed curtains, Hermione furtively glanced around her dormitory. Alex, Michelle and Dorothy were blessedly fast asleep as Hermione stood up from her bed. She darted a quick, amused glance at the towering books on Dorothy's bedside table – the girl was definitely a more ferocious bookworm than Hermione could ever dream of.
She then quietly meandered through the stream of strewn clothes on the floor courtesy of Alex, and had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from chuckling when Michelle released loud, adorable snores. Once she had stumbled out of their dormitory without rousing any of her roommates, Hermione expelled an inaudible sigh.
She then peeked at their airy common room and was relieved that no one was awake at this time of night. Normally, the Ravenclaw common room was still brimming with students despite this late hour, as most were slaving over an essay or diligently reading in advance for their future lessons. But seeing that it was nearing summer vacation, almost all of the Claws had started to relax.
Hermione daintily stepped down the stairs and briefly admired the empty common room. While the Gryffindor Common Room screamed cosiness and warmth, the Ravenclaw Common Room boasted airiness and space. Hermione had admittedly stared when she had first walked into her new common room, marvelling at the rich, midnight blue carpet decorated with stars, which was reflected wonderfully by the glass, domed ceiling. Since this was the house that appreciated studying the most, there were numerous individual desks surrounding the periphery of the circular common room. They were positioned in the perfect places, because you could admire the beauty of Hogwarts when you peered through the huge, arched windows. In the middle were royal blue couches and some elegant chairs, a place for relaxing for tired students. The fire in the fireplace by then was crackling low since no one was around to reignite it.
After another huge sweep, Hermione was convinced that no one was there to witness her rule breaking. With a twirl of her wand over her head, she murmured a soft incantation and instantly blended in with her surroundings. She wished that her Disillusionment Charm would hold until she walked out of the castle.
Luck may have been with her that day, for she was able to roam through the empty corridors without encountering any authorities. By the time Hermione had burst through the oak doors, a gust of warm wind brushed her flushed cheeks. The full moon above was huge and ominous, and Hermione fervently prayed to whomever could hear that Severus wasn't stupid enough to go to the Shrieking Shack.
'Might as well get this over with,' she told herself, as Hermione purposively sped through the huge expanse of the Hogwarts grounds until she spied the Whomping Willow in the distance.
Dread grew in the pit of her stomach when she saw that it was unmoving. She was able to make out a silhouette, both hands pressed tightly against the giant knot on the bark of the tree. Hermione urged her feet to go faster and swore under her breath when she saw Severus's pale face.
"I bloody well knew you were going to be an idiot!" she harshly whispered, cautiously eyeing the immobilised Whomping Willow in case it started to move again.
"Hermione?" Severus called out, wildly looking around to locate her.
Realising she was still under the Disillusionment Charm, Hermione waved her wand once more to undo the spell. The Slytherin's eyes instantly landed on her when she became visible.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he angrily snarled. "Go back inside, Pettigrew. It's— I have a bad feeling that this is going to be dangerous."
"What the hell are you doing here then?" she sniped back. He scowled at the thunderous expression on her face. "You promised you would not come here tonight, Sev."
He angrily looked away from her glaring eyes. "I was curious, all right?" he drawled back. "It was suspicious why Black specifically said those instructions." His narrowed, black eyes landed back on her. "Admit it, Hermione. You were curious too."
Hermione wanted to scream bloody murder for the sudden turn of events. "Let's just go back, Sev, please," she begged. "Black is a berk. He's just pulling your leg."
"No," he grounded out. "There's something—"
His words died down from his lips when a loud howl somewhere in the distance resounded in the whole, empty field. Severus's eyes widened and he instantly ducked inside the tunnel. Hermione shot forward and closely followed behind, already pulling her wand out to defend them.
"Sev, please," she tried once more, blood now pounding loudly inside her ears as they neared the ground floor of the Shrieking Shack. Memories of her third-year adventures came crashing back to her like a huge tidal wave, drowning her deeper and deeper with harrowing thoughts of werewolves and danger and… and… bloody fucking hell, they should go back.
Hermione tightly wrapped a hand around his arm and tried to pull him away, but the idiot was stubborn and continued to trudge on.
They finally arrived inside the ground floor of the Shrieking Shack. It was relatively cleaner than the last time she'd been here. It was obviously recently occupied, too, because there were half-eaten plates of treacle tarts and mugs of lukewarm coffee scattered on the dusty floor. Hermione was also able to notice decent pieces of furniture that weren't there before, even some fluffy pillows and clean blankets dumped haphazardly on a worn, squashy, maroon couch.
"Where the hell are we?" Severus harshly whispered.
"The Shrieking Shack," Hermione deadpanned.
His eyes widened as he looked at the brunette. "What?" he gasped.
An ear-splitting howl, one that was louder – closer – than the last one they heard rang throughout the shack, reverberating through the rickety wood of the haunted establishment. Hermione instantly latched onto Severus's arm, her nails digging quite painfully on his skin. But the Slytherin didn't mind, too busy backing off slowly when thundering footsteps were heard from above.
"I told you we should have gone back," Hermione half-whispered and half-shrieked. "You idiot. You idiot. You should have listened to me!"
A menacing growl echoed in the shack and both Hermione and Severus took a few more steps back, eyeing the stairs with bated breath. Hermione swallowed down a scream when an oversized rat suddenly ran down the stairs. She immediately recognised her brother's Animagus form as the rat started to wildly shriek.
Severus eyed the rat with unconcealed disgust. A huge, black dog then jumped down from the stairs and loudly barked at the pair. He tried to nip Sev's leg, seemingly urging them to leave, but the Slytherin growled at it in annoyance and tried to cast a spell on him.
"Don't," Hermione harshly whispered, tightly clutching onto his wand arm.
"Bloody mutt's trying to bite my leg off," he complained.
"We should leave, Severus," she snapped and grabbed onto his hand once more to pull him away.
Her finally relented and allowed Hermione to yank him away. The brunette saw a brief flash of white from behind them, but she was already busily pulling him towards the tunnel hole they'd come from. But, they hadn't even gone a few steps when suddenly there was a mighty thud from behind.
Everything had gone deathly quiet. Even the rat's skittering and the dog's boisterous barking had ceased. Although their backs were still turned, Hermione could feel a piercing stare on her back that made the hairs on her neck stand on end. A footstep then echoed from behind, then another, and another, until Hermione could feel warm breath wafting against her exposed skin.
"Is that—"
Sev's terrified question was cut off when another piercing howl thundered around the whole shack.
"RUN!" Hermione shrieked and dashed through the tunnel without a single glance back, fervently praying that Severus had listened to her this time.
She flew through the dark tunnel as fast as she could. Adrenaline coursed through her veins and despite the stitches in her side, she continued to run.
Hermione could already spy their exit, but the Whomping Willow had awoken. Its unforgiving branches were twisting around.
"IMMOBULUS!" she shrieked. The spell hit one of its branches and it blessedly stayed still once more. She chanced a glance over her shoulder and was relieved that Severus's pale face was closely behind. But Hermione also made a mistake of looking over the Slytherin's shoulder. Remus' familiar golden eyes stared back at her, his pupils blown wide as he continued to chase the two humans.
"Fuck, Hermione, don't get distracted now!" Severus hollered.
The brunette finally stumbled out of the tunnel and hastily grabbed onto Sev's hand. "Hurry, hurry," she pleaded, her vision already getting blurry with the terrified tears running down her face.
She could make out numerous footsteps from behind and reckoned the Marauders had also followed them out.
Hermione then made a split decision in leading the chase towards the Forbidden Forest. At least in there, they would be away from any other students who might fall victim to the werewolf.
Severus was loudly cursing behind her and tried to throw spells over his shoulders.
"No," she grounded out. "You can't. You know you can't hit him, Sev."
A werewolf's fur was impenetrable to any kind of magic, which was why the best solution every time you came across a hungry werewolf was to run.
Hermione managed to pull Severus behind a huge tree and they held their breaths as they hid. Remus was growling lowly under his breath as his golden eyes swept around to search for his victims.
"I knew it," Severus kept muttering under his breath.
"Shut up!" Hermione shrieked quietly, covering his mouth with one of her hands. She trained her ears intently for any tell-tale signs of the furious werewolf. Another howl broke through the night and Hermione unconsciously shivered, drawing closer to Severus for some semblance of comfort. The Slytherin automatically gripped her arm, tightly so, but Hermione was too busy breathing quietly to notice the pain.
Even the whole forest was deathly silent as they waited with bated breath. The usual twittering of night birds and rustling of leaves were absent and Hermione tightly closed her eyes, wishing there was at least some noise that could mask her loudly beating heart.
Severus suddenly stiffened and Hermione bit back a sob. She felt his breath even before she opened her eyes. Warm air fanned along her exposed neck and she tightly pressed herself against the Slytherin.
"Fuck," Severus moaned. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
Remus suddenly bared his teeth and tried to slash at them, but Hermione immediately pushed Severus away and ducked on the ground. Severus toppled onto his side and tried to hastily get up, but his robes got stuck in a thorny bush.
The werewolf's eyes were trained intently on Hermione as she slowly backed away. "Remus, Remus," she begged, raising her right hand to gesture that she meant no harm. "It's me. Please, it's Hermione."
But his eyes were wild and unforgiving as he started bounding towards her. Hermione screamed and hastily ran away, aware of Severus's ear-splitting exclamation of her name.
The brunette sped through the forest, jumping over fallen logs and brambles. She shot a few well-aimed hexes just to distract Remus and buy her some time, but the werewolf continued in pursuit. Hermione felt like she was once again running for her life back in the Forest of Dean, Snatchers including Fenrir Greyback hot on her heels.
She urged herself incessantly to keep going, keep going damn it, because if she stopped – if she even rested for a second, then it would be the end of her.
Hermione suddenly lurched forward as she tripped over an unsuspected fallen tree trunk. She landed face first on the ground and tried to immediately stand up. But there was a painful lurch on her right ankle and under the full moon, she could see that her ankle was bent awkwardly and was quickly swelling.
Tears steadily poured from her eyes as she lifted her wand. Remus was drawing closer, his teeth already poised to snap her neck. Hermione furiously threw one hex after another, distracting the werewolf, but Remus was unfazed. Fear gripped her heart very tightly as she scrambled onto her feet once more, ignoring the blinding pain that almost made her pass out.
Remus was almost a meter from her now and Hermione desperately backed away. He lifted a sharp claw and tried to swipe her down, but then, a large white stag appeared and launched towards the werewolf. Remus emitted a loud whine as he and James tumbled on the ground.
"HERMIONE!"
A relieved sob escaped from her mouth when she saw Severus. His robes were tattered and there were twigs sticking out of his raven hair. Nonetheless, he looked well, despite the unadulterated fear in his eyes.
Sirius in his Animagus form abruptly bounded towards Hermione and barked incessantly at her feet. He started to run around, persistently looking behind him at Hermione and Severus.
"He wants us to follow him," Hermione urgently said, reaching out towards Severus to grasp his hand. She worriedly looked at where James was still trying to pin Remus down, but she knew he would be all right. Werewolves never really bothered with animals.
"Hermione, come on!" Sev said, pulling her arm to get her attention.
The brunette nodded her head and took a step forward. Blinding pain once again shot through her leg and she almost crumpled down.
"You're hurt," the Slytherin cried.
"I'm fine," she snapped. "Let's go. Let's bloody go!"
She bit her tongue to keep her pained cries inside as she urged Severus forward. Sirius was already bounding away, he looked over his shoulder once in a while just to check they were following closely behind. Remus's whines were growing softer and softer and by the time they emerged out of the Forbidden Forest, Severus almost collapsed on the ground in a mixture of exhaustion and relief.
"Not yet," Hermione said, hauling him back onto his feet. She jutted her chin at Sirius who was now impatiently running in circles. The brunette gave him a small nod of understanding and limped towards him, Severus in tow.
They were once again in front of the Whomping Willow, its branches dancing dangerously around. Hermione caught a small movement on the ground and saw the oversized rat scampering towards the huge knot on the tree's bark. Instantly, the Whomping Willow stomped moving.
Sirius slid inside the small tunnel and Hermione quickly followed inside. Her hand tightly held onto Severus as she led him through the narrow, dark tunnel.
They finally emerged once more onto the ground floor of the Shrieking Shack. Sirius climbed up the stairs and Hermione made a move to follow, but Severus held her in place.
"We should go back to Hogwarts," he exclaimed.
Hermione vigorously shook her head and tugged him upstairs. "We can't," she grounded out. "It's too dangerous. If Rem – if the werewolf manages to escape from the forest, he might see us and follow us into the school. There are too many children inside, Sev. We can't let that happen."
"It will be dangerous if he found his way back here," he snarled. "You're bloody hurt, Hermione. We can't fight him alone."
But Hermione continued to stay stubborn, even when errant tears escaped from her eyes. "No, we can't," she said, pulling him with her. "We can't, Sev."
Fury flared in his dark, black eyes, but he blessedly didn't stop Hermione anymore when she pulled him upstairs.
A surprised gasp tore away from Severus's mouth, when instead of the huge, black dog they had followed, Sirius Black greeted them. His face was as pale as the full moon and there was clear terror in his silver eyes. His breath hitched when he saw Hermione and he opened his mouth, trying to speak words that never formed.
"What the hell are you doing here, Black?" the Slytherin barked and lifted his wand, but Hermione quickly gripped his arm to appease him.
"It's all right, Sev," she gently whispered. "They're here to… to protect us."
A hollow laugh escaped from Sirius's lips, his grey eyes glinting wildly under the dim light of the Shrieking Shack. His gaze never broke away from Hermione, but she grimly ignored him and collapsed on a squashy, mustard yellow chair tucked in the left corner of the room. Severus stiffly collapsed on the floor beside her and never looked away from Sirius, his wand still tightly gripped in his hand.
Hermione slowly looked around the room, noting a huge maroon bed bearing the Potter insignia occupying most of the room. There were a few strewn books around, some empty boxes of Chocolate Frogs and Bertie Botts, and bottles of half-empty butterbeer scattered around. This room looked definitely frequented and homier compared to the dust-filled, moldy Shrieking Shack they had visited back in their third year.
"You're hurt."
The Ravenclaw blearily blinked and focused her gaze on Sirius. He was stiffly sitting on the edge of the bed this time. Half of his face was already obscured in shadow, but his grey eyes still glinted brightly. Hermione wasn't sure what expression he was wearing, but based on his rigid posture, she could already hazard a guess.
"Astute observation, Black," Severus snarled.
If it were possible, Sirius's posture grew more rigid. Hermione gently placed a hand on top of Sev's shoulder to calm him down.
"I'm all right," she whispered. "I don't think I broke my ankle. It's more of a sprain, actually. Some ice will reduce the swelling."
Sirius took a deep shuddering breath before standing up from the bed. Hermione watched him as he sauntered towards one of the cabinets and pulled out an unopened butterbeer bottle. "Glacius," he whispered, ice shooting from the tip of his wand and freezing the bottle completely.
"Here," he said, offering the frozen bottle towards her.
"Thank you," she quipped as she immediately placed the icy cold bottle against her swollen ankle. She flinched with the pain and cold before giving Sirius a small smile. Instead of his usual cheeky smile, Sirius merely nodded and sat back down on the edge of the bed.
Hermione didn't know how long they had stayed in the shack. Severus had already dozed off on the floor, his head leaning against Hermione's thigh. Sirius hadn't moved from his position and this time, resolutely refused to meet Hermione's roaming eyes.
She was already blinking back sleep when galloping hooves from downstairs suddenly resounded in the silent shack. Sirius was instantly on his feet and drew the door open.
A magnificent white stag then emerged inside the room. Remus, now in his human form, was slung over the stag's back, and although he looked worse for wear, he was mercifully alive and unhurt. Sirius quickly unburdened James from Remus's body and gently placed the exhausted werewolf on the bed.
"YOU!" Severus loudly snarled, charging towards Remus. Sirius and the stag instantly blocked Severus's way as Hermione lurched forward to keep him in place. A soft hiss escaped from her mouth when she placed some pressure on her ankle, and this distracted Severus for a bit as he turned back to Hermione to check if she was okay.
Sev's eyes widened, however, when James transformed back into his human form. Peter followed soon enough, and both of them looked like they had been through war. Peter was shaking, tears in his eyes, as he looked at his sister. James looked marginally better, but still exhausted, his hazel eyes hard and burning behind his glasses.
"Are you fucki—" Severus' face steadily turned purple as he pointed an accusatory finger in their direction. "Animagi? Illegal Animagi? I can't fucking believe it! And you!" He harshly snapped at Remus, who shrank against the deep covers of the maroon bed. "A werewolf? In Hogwarts?"
He directed his crazed gaze at Hermione. "We have to go back and tell Dumbledore," he angrily cried. "We have to tell them that there's a fucking werewolf and illegal Animagi in this bloody school—"
"Sev…" she appeased. "That's not necessary."
"We have to Obliviate them," Sirius gravely murmured, already raising his wand.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Severus thundered, brandishing out his wand once more.
"NO!" Hermione shrieked amidst the forming tension. She hobbled in between and spread out her arms. "No, no one is going to forget what happened today." She pierced the Marauders with her blue eyes, meaning evident in her gaze. "No one."
James rubbed the bridge of his nose and scowled. Peter took a deep, shaky breath as more tears slipped down from his eyes. Sirius still resolutely held his wand high, and Severus… Severus looked like he was ready to murder someone.
"You have to keep this a secret, Sev," Hermione begged. When his eyes widened at her suggestion, she continued, "Please. You can't tell anyone about this."
"How can you even—"
"Severus—"
"YOU ALMOST DIED!" the Slytherin blew up. His outburst had increased the tension tenfold and Hermione watched as the others blanched at Severus's words. The magnitude of last night's events weighed heavily on their shoulders. Even Hermione realised how she had truly been in danger last night and the memory of her on the ground, helplessly under the mercy of an unforgiving werewolf… "Hermione, you almost died. Or… or almost turned into one. I saw how— he was so close— if he hadn't have been knocked off— it's— "
Severus deflated and allowed his angry mask to break, genuine terror – for her – seeping through the cracks. A tear slipped down from Hermione's eyes as she reached forward and grabbed his hand and gave it a tight squeeze.
"Well, I didn't," she simply said. Severus expelled a shaky a breath and honestly looked like he was going to start crying too. "I'm all right, Sev. I'm– I'm not dead."
Hermione moved closer and drew him into a hug. Severus leaned heavily against her, all his ire now leaving his system as he tightly wound his arms around her, pulling her closer to comfort himself that she was very much alive.
"Please," she begged against his ear, "please don't tell anyone about this. Not about Remus being a werewolf. Not about the others being illegal Animagi." His arms tightened around her in protest. "They're not your secret to tell, Severus."
Although gentle, the tone of her voice spoke a finality even Severus couldn't deny. He sighed and squeezed her one last time before pulling away.
"Fine," he gruffly said. In the corner of her eyes, Hermione saw how the Gryffindor's marginally sagged down in relief. "I still don't fucking understand why you want to keep this a secret, but fine."
"Thank you, Sev," she said with a kind smile. "Go back to Hogwarts now."
"Let me accompany you back to your dormitories," he said, but Hermione was already shaking her head.
"There's still something I want to do," she insisted.
"But Hermione—"
"Please, Sev," she pleaded. "Trust me, I'm safe. My brother is here. Please, please just go."
He looked highly displeased with her suggestion, but he finally gave her a curt nod. With one final glare at the Marauders, he stiffly turned on his heel and went down the stairs. Hermione listened until she was satisfied he was gone, before turning back to the Gryffindors with a resolute gaze.
She was immediately engulfed in a bone-crushing hug by Peter, who by then, had started to sob loudly against her shoulder. He was violently shaking against her embrace and Hermione allowed herself to shed a few more tears, burying her face in his rich, sandy-coloured hair.
"I-I'm fine, Petey," she stammered, rubbing comforting circles on his back. "I'm fine."
Hermione peeked over his broad shoulder and glanced at the other three. Remus looked pale and sickly, fresh bite marks and scratches on his body, and he was steadfastly refusing to meet Hermione's eyes.
"I'm not going to tell," she repeated, voice firm as she gently pulled her brother away from her. Peter took a mighty sniff and stepped aside, but his hand was still wrapped tightly around her arm, seemingly afraid that something bad would happen to her once more. "But… I have a condition."
Sirius flinched and tightened his grip on his wand.
"What condition?" James echoed, his voice sounding strangely strained.
"Teach me how to become an Animagus," she demanded.
All of their eyes widened simultaneously. Even Remus looked at her in surprise.
"Why?" James asked, knitting his eyebrows in confusion.
Hermione honestly didn't know why she wanted to become one. It was a waste of time, something she firmly told herself in her past life that although it would be bloody convenient for escaping and concealing one's self, the process of becoming one was too time-consuming. She had other important matters to attend to, after all.
But after witnessing how the three Animagi were able to face a bloody werewolf, who still had not discovered the wonders of the Wolfsbane Potion, Hermione felt like it was a handy skill. She had nothing else to do, and she had hated feeling so hopeless back in the Forbidden Forest.
"You have to teach me," she grounded out. "Or I will tell."
"No, you won't," James deadpanned, his hazel eyes piercing straight into her very soul.
Of course she wouldn't, but she kept her gaze resolute.
James then expelled a soft sigh and silently glanced at Sirius. "I mean, if she really wants to…" the Black heir said, slightly shrugging his shoulders.
"It will be dangerous, Hermione," her brother rasped out. The brunette glanced at him and frowned. "If the potion wasn't made properly, or the right environment wasn't chosen, you might get stuck as a half-transformed Animagus. There are even some instances when an Animagus is unable to transform back into a human."
Hermione wanted to point out that it wouldn't have been the most dangerous potion she had ever taken in her life but stopped herself. "I know that," she replied instead. "I studied it during third year after all. But, I still want to learn it, Peter. I'm going to be meticulous with the potion-making part. You of all people know how mighty stubborn and detail-oriented I am. I will not botch this up."
Peter wrinkled his nose, clearly displeased, but he finally relented with a sigh.
The brunette looked back at the other Animagi and knew they silently agreed with her condition. Her eyes then strayed to Remus, who still hadn't said anything ever since they had returned.
"You should bring him to the infirmary," she blurted out. "He doesn't look well."
"He always doesn't look well after the full moon," James murmured under his breath.
Remus still refused to look at her. Hermione gently pulled away from Peter and limped towards the silent werewolf. James looked at her questioningly and was hesitant about whether to step aside or not, but one brief glance from Hermione made him move away.
The witch finally reached Remus, but he still refused to look at her. His shoulders had grown tenser with her close proximity and Hermione's heart lurched, knowing that his golden eyes held so much remorse that was uncalled for.
"It wasn't your fault," she whispered, tentatively reaching forward, waiting for him to react. But when Remus continued not to meet her eyes, Hermione gingerly deposited her fingers on top of his messy hair. "It wasn't your fault, Remus. So, don't blame yourself."
"Snape was right," he harshly bit, swivelling around with so much speed. "You almost— if it weren't for—" He paused and thickly swallowed. "I almost hurt you, Hermione."
Suppressed tears were shining in his eyes, but Hermione didn't bother wiping away her own. "I don't blame you," she softly claimed. "You didn't mean it. Any of it. You can't control yourself."
A few tears managed to escape from his eyes as she spoke. "I'm a monster, that's what I am," he hissed.
Hermione earnestly shook her head, her curls whipping across her cheek. "No," she vehemently cried. "Just because you have an affliction doesn't make you any less of a human." He made a move to protest but Hermione placed a hand on his shoulder. "I hope you believe that more than anyone else."
Remus swiftly looked away from her again, this time to hide his tumbling tears.
She then turned around and sternly glared at James and Sirius. "I hope this serves as a lesson for you lot," she sniped. James looked properly shamefaced and was unable to meet her gaze. Sirius, however, tightly clenched his jaw and resolutely matched her eyes. "Your stupid ego nearly cost not only one life, but two."
Hermione won their staring contest. Sirius's cheeks flushed and he immediately looked away from her.
"I'm going back to my dormitory," she then announced with a tired sigh. "It's been an exhausting night."
"Let me take you to the infirmary instead," Peter insisted.
Hermione kindly smiled at her brother, eyes already red and puffy from crying too much. "Madame Pomfrey might ask too many questions," she said. "Besides, I only have a sprain. I have some medicine in my trunk that can help reduce the inflammation."
Peter stiffly nodded his head and clambered towards her. "Let me escort you back to your dormitory then," he offered.
The brunette didn't protest as she heavily leaned against her brother. Her ankle was aching and she felt so tired. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to make it to the dormitory before everybody woke up to start their day.
Before they could go down the stairs, they were stopped when Sirius called her name. Hermione slowly turned around and looked questioningly at him. His eyes were steely once more, serious and earnest and so, so guilty.
"Hermione, I—" He paused and scowled at the wooden boards. Apologising never came easily to Sirius Black, but Hermione appreciated that he was trying nonetheless.
"I know," she whispered in reply as she slowly pulled out her wand. "I'm sorry for this too."
With two mighty slashes of her wand, she sent two hurtling hexes towards James and Sirius. The two wizards were too surprised to dodge her spell, the yellow light hitting them squarely on their noses. Both wizards yelped as boogers shot out from their nostrils and formed into bats, incessantly flapping their green wings against their horrified faces.
"Come on," she murmured to her gaping brother, ignoring their pleas to stop the assault.
June 14, 1976
Blessedly, the fifth years had no classes today, so they could focus on studying for their remaining OWLs. Peter thought it was a blessing too because after everything that had happened two days ago, he was sure he wouldn't be able to focus on studying at all.
The fifth year Gryffindor sighed and buried himself deeper into the squashy armchairs his friends frequented in the Gryffindor Common Room. He long discovered that being best friends with Sirius Black and James Potter had magnificent perks. One was having a claim on the best couches in the cozy common room near the roaring fire. Although Peter was alone, the other Gryffindors didn't dare occupy the other couches where he was currently sitting.
Try as he might, Peter couldn't forget the events that had happened last full moon. The image of Hermione almost mauled by Remus in his werewolf form haunted him in his dreams. He had visited Hermione yesterday just to make sure she was all right. The swelling on her ankle had reduced and she had repeatedly assured him that she was all right. Peter still couldn't believe how easily she had bounced back to her usual self; she was studying when he sought her out, for goodness' sake! If it were him, he would have been thoroughly distracted for days.
'Like now,' he sneered to himself, embarrassed that he was wallowing instead of studying. Unlike Hermione. Sometimes, he really wondered if they were siblings. Hermione was different from him, loads better than anyone he could ever dream of. The only comfort and proof they were siblings was in their eyes. Otherwise, he would have thought she was from an entirely different universe than him.
But he really couldn't stop his worrying. After what he had done with his father, he swore that he would protect his mother and sister until his very last breath. He agreed to go to Hogwarts in the end because Dumbledore promised he'd be able to learn more spells that could protect them both. But so far, Peter had been doing a really piss poor job and he hated himself for it. He felt like he had failed Hermione somehow and he knew that if she ever realised what he was thinking right now, she would loudly call him an idiot for even blaming himself for what had happened to her.
"Hey."
Peter blearily blinked his mind back into focus and was surprised to see that Remus was now sitting across from him. His werewolf best friend looked marginally better today, but he still looked sickly pale and there were dark half-moons under his eyes.
"Hey," he greeted back, slowly righting himself. "All right, Moony?"
The corner of his lips twitched. "Yeah," he whispered. Remus's eyes then fell on both of his clasped hands, scratches from his transformation still raw and healing.
Peter awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, waiting for Remus to break the silence. Ever since the full moon, the Marauders had been walking around each other on eggshells. The silence amongst them was unbearable – suffocating even – and Peter just wished they would all go back to normal. Sirius and James most especially were different, like they'd grown a few years and were silently brooding over everything they had done in the past. It disconcerted Peter greatly, because his friends were always boisterous and happy. Not this… not like these weird sombre doppelgangers.
"Listen, Peter, I just want to—" Remus sounded strangely choked up and his golden eyes shone with unshed tears. Peter's eyes softened at what he was trying to do. "I'm sorry about what happened to Hermione."
Peter expelled a soft sigh, knowing that the werewolf was still blaming himself over the whole ordeal. He really, truly wanted to blame him because it was him who almost mauled Hermione, but how could he when he knew who the true Remus was? He may have botched up the OWLs question about the signs of a werewolf, but he knew that a werewolf had no control over his actions.
"Remus, really, it wasn't your fault," he insisted. When Remus made a move to protest, Peter sighed once more and pulled out a bar of chocolate from his pocket. "You heard what Hermione said – you have no control over yourself. Only an idiot would continue blaming you." He then offered the chocolate, but Remus merely stared at it.
"Come on, take it," he said. "I went to see Hermione yesterday and she insisted I should give this to you. Said chocolates help a lot after the full moon."
A small tear slipped down unknowingly from Remus's eyes as he clutched the bar of chocolate in his hands. He held it like it was sacred, and Peter wanted to laugh because it was just bloody chocolate.
"It's not your fault," Peter repeated.
"He's right. It's not. It's mine."
Both of their eyes snapped towards Sirius, who was sombrely looking at the duo. His hands were buried deep in his pockets and there was uncertainty in his eyes. He then slowly walked forward and stiffly sat down on the other end of the couch and glared darkly at the rich, carpeted floor.
"I'm sorry, Peter, truly I am," he gruffly said. Sirius made a sour look on his face, all of them knowing he always had a difficulty in apologising. "Your sister was right; it was my stupid ego that got us in this mess."
"If we're taking about stupid egos, it's mine that got us in this mess." James suddenly appeared and grabbed onto the back of the couch.
Peter couldn't help it; he actually laughed. The other three looked at him as if he'd gone barmy. "Were you all just lurking about, waiting for the right moment to butt in?" he accused.
A sheepish smile appeared on James and Sirius's faces. Peter felt greatly relieved that the tension that had been unwittingly building up among them was starting to dissipate.
"Petey—"
"It's fine," he grounded out. "Hermione's fine. Bloody hell, even Snape is fine. So, we're all good. I cannot say that no harm was done, because that's not true, but I'm just really glad everybody's still bloody fucking alive."
The smiles on their faces were humongous and Peter was relieved they were back to normal. The four Marauders gazed at the crackling fire, lost in thought, and Peter suddenly wanted to say something he wished his friends would listen to. Hermione had once told him he should stand up to his friends, especially if they were doing something ridiculous, and Peter had brushed that off before. He was already satisfied with following them around, doing their bidding, because what else was he supposed to do? He didn't have Sirius's charisma, or James's wicked skills, nor Remus's intelligence. He was just plain, ol' Peter Pettigrew, so he really shouldn't complain if things didn't suit him.
But… but after everything that had happened, Peter knew he should finally put his foot down. He had feared before that Hermione might get caught between the rivalry of his best friends and the Slytherin, and now that it had really happened, Peter couldn't stand aside and say nothing any longer.
Thus, swallowing his trepidation, he straightened on his seat and murmured, "Don't you think we've gone overboard this time?" His cheeks inflamed when three sets of eyes instantly latched onto him. "I – I mean, don't get me wrong, I still hate Snivellus Snape. It's just– he's Hermione's best friend, and I don't think she'll ever listen to me if I tell her yet again to stay away from him." He nervously glanced at his silent friends and swallowed once more. "Hermione was hurt because of us. We can't blame Snape either because he didn't do anything wrong. Snape almost died protecting my sister while I was a berk, standing aside and doing nothing. And – and I don't want that to happen again." He tightly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't want to reach a point where I have to choose between my sister and my friends because… because I already know my choice. I know what it would be in a heartbeat."
Silence met his claim and Peter slowly opened his eyes, trying to gauge their reactions. It surprised him how they were all gaping at him, like they had never seen him before. He felt heat climbing up from his neck up to his cheeks, before James broke into a small, tentative smile.
"You are right, Petey," he concurred with a small nod. "I think we've really gone overboard this time."
"We have to stop doing ridiculous things," Remus sighed, tiredly running a hand through his hair. He threw a scathing glare at the Purebloods. "You have to stop doing ridiculous things. We're fifteen, for Merlin's sake. We're not a bunch of children anymore."
Sirius made a face and threw a throw pillow at Remus. "Technically, we're still children, Moony," he pointed out. "In Wizarding standards, you're considered as an adult once you reach—" The rest of his words were muffled when Remus threw the pillow right back at him, squarely hitting him on his face.
"I mean it," Remus grumbled with a firm glare. "I should really punch you, Sirius, because it's your whole bloody fault Hermione and Snape were in the Shrieking Shack in the first place. But I think you've been scarred by Hermione's Bat-Bogey anyway."
The Black heir's smile faltered. "The Bat-Bogey wasn't enough," he quietly replied, genuine remorse on his face.
"No, it wasn't," Remus said.
Sirius made a huge show of swiping his hair away from his face. "Come on then, Remus," he bravely said. "Give me your best shot. Just… just not the nose. It's still a tad sensitive from Hermione's spell."
Remus snorted. "I'm not going to punch you, wanker," he replied. "I don't see the point of it."
He then expelled a huge sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "But Wormy's really right. We've gone overboard. I know we had our fun. I mean Merlin we have a bloody reputation in this school. I know I'm partly to blame too, not intervening soon enough even though I knew what we're doing isn't right. But… but I really don't want this friendship to be ruined by our stupid egos and childish rivalries." His pressed his lips tightly and gave them a sad glance. "This friendship is all I have."
Peter felt his eyes prickling with tears but he tried to hold them back in, knowing the others would incessantly tease him for being such a crybaby. But his blue eyes widened, noticing the sheen in the others' eyes.
"Oh, Moony-pie!" Sirius lamented, throwing his arms around Remus's shoulders. The werewolf scowled and pushed him away, but Sirius latched tighter. James, not wanting to miss out from the fun, also threw his arms around Remus. The two Purebloods had a mini competition on who could hug Remus the tightest, and the said wizard was growling and shoving them away. Peter, however, noted the twitching of Remus's lips.
A small smile grew on Peter's face. While his other friends playfully bickered, he found himself leaning back and contentedly watching them.
At least, they were back to normal.
June 29, 1976
The last Feast of the school-year had started without much of a hitch. Most of the students were livelier now that summer was approaching and even Hermione felt excited to go home. Her own OWLs would be next school-year and she knew she had to relax and rest for the next two months before the battle. She missed her mother, too, and promised herself she would spend more time with Anya once she was home.
"What are you going to do during summer, Sev?" she asked, glancing at her silent best friend.
The Slytherin nonchalantly shrugged and continued to stare at his pumpkin soup. Hermione sighed and looked at her other best friend sitting at the Gryffindor table. Lily still wasn't talking to Severus and the Slytherin had become crankier as the days passed by.
Hermione knew their bond had strengthened ever since the werewolf incident, but still, it wasn't the same without Lily. She missed the fiery redhead too and wished they could patch things up and spend time together once more.
Her thoughts were disturbed when a sudden commotion over at the Gryffindor table arose. Her eyes widened when she saw James confidently climbing on the dining table, oblivious to the food he'd stepped on or kicked away. He meandered through the throngs of scrumptious meals until he was standing right in front of Lily.
He pointed his wand against his throat and murmured a soft 'Sonorus'. "Lily Evans," his voice boomed, echoing throughout the suddenly silent Great Hall. "I would like to take this opportunity to show you how much you mean to me."
Lily was steadily becoming a brilliant shade of red, but her glaring daggers were left unnoticed by the giddy Gryffindor. James then proceeded to summon his guitar, which instantly hurtled into his awaiting hands.
Hermione couldn't help but to snort when she heard the unmistakable intro to 'I Want to Hold Your Hand'. James was singing at the top of his voice, and although it was atrocious, his strumming was flawless. Lily's eyes had widened, obviously surprised with his newly acquired skill and his choice of song. James even made ridiculous dance movements to embellish his show and people were loving it.
As he finished the song, everyone in the Great Hall broke into raucous applause. Even Dumbledore looked highly amused as he clapped his hands too.
Lily, whose face was now bright red like a tomato, immediately stood up from the bench and stalked away.
"Evans, hey!" James cried, voice still magically increased in volume. "Lils! Come on, where's my snog?"
"Mister Potter!" a scandalised Professor McGonagall exclaimed. "Get down from there this instant!"
A boisterously laughing Sirius pulled the disappointed James down from the table. Their Head of House had finally reached them and was properly reprimanding James. His face was already turning red from embarrassment and a sheepish grin bloomed on his face.
Even after Professor McGonagall had stalked away, James's friends were still laughing at his expense. James scowled and shoved their shoulders, muttering something under his breath. And while the other Gryffindors continued to excitedly talk about his spectacular show, James's hazel eyes landed on the Ravenclaw table, seemingly searching for someone.
Hermione's breathing turned erratic, hating herself for hoping it would be her he was searching for. She didn't understand why her heart thudded loudly inside her chest, knowing that obviously it would be her he was searching for. He never really had any friends from the Ravenclaw House except her, right?
Which was why it mightily confused her when her breath hitched once his eyes found hers. James broke into a humongous smile and despite his flaming cheeks, he proudly gestured at his guitar, silently conveying that he had strummed it perfectly.
In spite of the confusion, Hermione found herself smiling hesitantly in return. She wasn't entirely sure, but the redness on his cheeks intensified, and before she could properly decipher what the bloody hell had just happened, James's attention was caught by Sirius and Peter again.
"What's wrong with you?" Sev suddenly asked. He was frowning at her cheeks, which she knew were undoubtedly red, too.
"Nothing," she said, a tad too quickly, a tad too hopeful that it surely, surely was nothing.
June 30, 1976
"I'm going to hex you both if you leave this compartment."
Lily's emerald eyes were blazing with fury and although it made her falter a bit, Hermione squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. Severus looked more exhausted than mad, and had merely tucked himself into the far corner of the compartment, relentlessly gazing at the scenery outside.
"Hermi—" But Lily's words died down when Hermione immediately shut the compartment door in front of her. She muttered a soft Locking Charm, in case Lily didn't listen and blasted the door open. She also charmed a few more advanced spells just to be safe.
Hermione then steadfastly stood guard in front of the compartment door and hoped against hope that Severus would stop being such an arse and just bloody apologise. Now that they were travelling back to King's Cross for summer, Hermione knew this was her last chance to amend their broken friendship. She had an inkling it would be mighty difficult for Severus to apologise if he did it after summer.
So yes, if they were going to mend their friendship, it should be now, and Hermione would be damned if that never happened at all.
"Pettigrew!"
She unwittingly flinched, recognising James Potter's voice, and mentally smacked herself to calm down. Ever since his bloody debacle yesterday, Hermione had been disoriented every time he was in the vicinity. She tried to convince herself it was merely stress from the previous werewolf attack and the fight between her best friends, but even her inner voice was doubtful of her excuses.
Which was why she promised herself not to think too much about it. She had the whole of summer to spend time with her mother, catch up with her non-academic related reading, and even figure out a new hobby.
"Have you seen Lily?" James asked once he was standing in front of her.
Wordlessly, she tilted her head towards the compartment door. James's eyes lit up eagerly and made a move to grab for the door, but Hermione clutched it tightly in her hands.
"Don't," she snapped.
He looked at her in surprise and leaned closer to peer through the small window. Hermione's nose was instantly filled with dizzying scents – freshly mowed grass, summer and treacle tarts – and had to hold her breath until James pulled away and took a few steps back.
The look on his face was thunderous. "I can't believe—"
Hermione cut him off with a sigh. "Just leave them be, Potter," she said with a frown.
"Hermione," he grounded out, "he called her that… that stupid word."
"I know, and he's sorry for it," she casually said. "This is between Lily and Sev. You can't stop Lily if she decides to forgive him."
"If I were her, I'd never forgive him."
She lightly grinned, ignoring how he glared down at her. "Well, it's a good thing Lily's not you now, isn't it?" she pointed out. "I don't think Hogwarts could take it if there were two students walking around with egos the size of the sun."
His eyes slightly widened at her joke. Still frowning, he added, "I'd never call Lily that despicable name. Or anyone, for that matter."
"I know," she said with a small nod. "You're too much of a Gryffindor for that crap." Hermione briefly looked over her shoulder and grimaced. "It was stupid and hurtful and I'd really, truly understand Lily if she didn't forgive him. But… you know, teenagers say and do the stupidest things when under duress. For example, humiliated and bullied in front of the whole school."
Hermione smirked when she got her intended reaction. James's cheeks instantly flared up and his hazel eyes couldn't meet hers.
"Your attitude that day wasn't exactly stellar either, Potter," she deliberately reprimanded. "Lily wasn't kidding when she said you were as bad as Sev that day."
He made a face, clearly not pleased with her comparison. "I should apologise too, right?" he sourly murmured.
"Yes," she nodded. "And not only to Lily."
Hazel met blue. "I'm sorry," he told her in a heartbeat.
Hermione snorted. "Not to me, you dolt," she insisted. "Severus."
"Oh." His lips curled once more in disdain. "Well— I'm not— maybe that's not—"
She sighed, completely understanding his hesitation. "Maybe not outright say it if it displeases you," she pointed out. "But you know, just back off next school year, especially if Severus is minding his own business and ignoring you lot."
"Hey, after that day, we didn't go out of our way to torment him now, did we?" When Hermione merely frowned, James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll try," he murmured, his face pinched.
"Not good enough, Potter" she glowered. "You have to do."
James nervously shuffled his feet and ran a hand through his hair. "We've talked about it," he slowly continued. "We were rightful berks and you almost—" Genuine remorse was painted on his face. "Snape too. And as much as I dislike that smarmy, annoying bas—" He paused when Hermione quirked an unamused eyebrow. "What I'm trying to say is, we went overboard this time. I don't like Snape and that's a fact, but I don't want him dead, especially if I'm the one who caused it. It's…" He was struggling for words and Hermione patiently waited, knowing that this event had not only shaken her and Sev, but also the Marauders. "I know sorry won't suffice because what we did was unacceptable. I know even your terrifying Bat-Bogey Hex wasn't enough to punish us. What we did wasn't a mere prank." He pinned her with his gaze. "So yes, we will. We will stop pestering Snape, even if I don't like his face."
In spite of how flummoxed she had become because of his earnest words, Hermione wryly smiled. "Insulting him should be at a minimum too," she pointed out.
He grimaced. "Fine," he grumbled. He glanced at her once more, deep in thought. Hermione wasn't sure what he was thinking but she sure as hell knew his gaze made her a tad uncomfortable. "Are you okay?" he softly asked. "After the full moon…"
Her eyes widened at his concern. "I've never been better, Potter," she said.
He ducked his head and peered at her closely. "Yeah?" he tentatively asked.
"Honest," she breathlessly replied.
James broke into that stupid, stupid lopsided grin of his and ran a hand through his hair once more. "All right," he said. He then rummaged inside his robe pocket and pulled out a leaf. "I also meant to give you this."
Hermione snatched the leaf from his hand and examined it under the dim light of the train. "Oh," she gasped, recognising the leaf. "A mandrake leaf?"
"Well, you said you wanted our help to become a… a you-know-what," he said with a grin. "So, for starters, put that inside your mouth for a full month. Remember, you can't take it out, swallow it, or spit it out. You have to start over otherwise."
"I know that," she replied with a frown.
"Pettigrew," he claimed exasperatedly, "you don't understand. It will be bloody difficult. We repeated this step – the first step, mind you – countless times because one of us accidentally ingested it or spat it out in our sleep."
The brunette rolled her eyes. She then turned the leaf over and pointed at the underside. "It will be easier if this side sticks under your tongue. It has really tiny thorns that can latch onto the grooves on your tongue. It's not terribly hard if you had researched it further."
His eyes almost popped out from their sockets. "Blimey," he gasped, "we should have asked for your help when we first thought of becoming a you-know-what. Maybe it wouldn't have taken us years to perfect it."
Hermione shrugged and slipped the leaf inside her pocket. "It's still time consuming, though," she said with a sigh. "I still have to wait for the next full moon to put the leaf inside my mouth."
"That's on the eleventh of July," James reminded.
"All right," she replied. "In the meantime, I'd try to find some suitable dew for the potion."
James grimaced. "Merlin, I can't believe we actually managed to do it in the end," he pointed out.
"It might not be too hard since it's summer," she continued. "Maybe I'll even become one before the next school-year starts!"
"I wouldn't be surprised if you actually did," he answered, lowly chuckling under his breath. "Anyway, I have to go back. Have a good summer, Pettigrew, yeah?"
"You too, Potter," she replied with a brilliant smile.
James smiled at her once more before turning on his heels. She watched him as he casually pulled out the Golden Snitch from his pocket and started tossing it in the air, deftly catching it even before it zoomed away from him.
"Show-off," she murmured, smiling at his back until he had disappeared into a compartment.
Hermione's gaze then slowly snapped back towards the small compartment window, where she peered inside. Hermione smile grew larger when she saw the scene. Severus was on his knees beside Lily, tightly clutching one of her hands. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but judging from the pinched look on his face, he was most definitely reciting a litany of apologies. What relieved Hermione, though, was Lily's face – the redhead had her left hand tangled in his hair, a soft, fond smile on her face.
The brunette expelled a deep sigh of relief and turned around, knowing it would be best if she left her two best friends to catch up once more